It's not my job to educate you

[sharepass11]

Called out a member for using slurs in the chat/OOCly- the member argued they could say what they wanted and continued on the same subject / using those terms. An admin then messaged me to tell me I should understand society raised them to think what they were saying was okay, and calling them creepy for it is wrong / judgemental/ posturing. I,

Comments

[gizzybiscuits]

Nope.jpeg. Shame is good for scolding people for their bullshit. You don't have a responsibility to educate them on it because really, is someone that goes "I CAN SAY WHAT I WAANT" going to listen?

Why isn't the admin doing it? Its their duty if that has to fall on anyone, they're essentially asking you to do your job.

[sharepass11]

They felt the way I called the person out was rude, and that I had a responsibility to educate them instead of telling them they were being rude and creepy. And they felt I shouldn't have gotten angry when they refused to stop using the slur / told me it was okay because they only use it 'occasionally'.

(Admin also called the offender a dickwad in their PM to both of us? I.. was not nice, but I didn't curse at the jerk, so. Uh.)

[gizzybiscuits]

Personally I'd call the admin out on hypocrisy, not doing their job, smack them with the links provided below and then bail. Because they don't seem like they're going to shape up anytime soon.

[sharepass11]

Yeahhhh, I should ahve done so. I got a whingy PM from the admin about how I'm part of the problem with my soapboxing and making it awkward for the poor people who don't want misogyny called out, boohoo.

[kaelstra]

Nope, it's not your job to teach someone not to be an asshole.

Honestly? If I were in that situation, I'd probably just politely extract myself from that RP and never look back. Not only a member using slurs being okay, but an admin saying it's wrong to call them creepy for it means it's acceptable behavior. The admin basically shaming you for it means I'd leave and just wash my hands of it. Not worth it, IMO.

[sharepass11]

I mean, I've heard good things about the admin from a cool friend who referred me and I don't want to be /that person/ who goes all SJ on people (or someone who was invited and then causes trouble, making her regret the invite), so I'm... gonna stick with it and just hope that was a blip and not a trend. And stay out of the chat from now on and stick to just RP. I enjoy RPing with the friend and I think she was uncomfortable when I jumped on the chat/arguing started, so...

(I just... There was an extended discussion on the difference between sluts and skanks and how gross each of those are, and... I don't think I'm being over-sensitive in thinking that's a really gross thing to discuss / the sort of crap that feeds into rape culture and victim blaming. The admin acknowledged it feeds into that, but still felt I shouldn't have been upset about it. Also shaming women for having a sexuality is really icky =( )

[kaelstra]

No, you're not being overly-sensitive. "Slut-shaming" is woman shaming, and it's people rearing their ugly misogynistic heads. It definitely feeds into rape culture and sexism in general, and describing "sluts" and "skanks" and so on is not a conversation that anyone really needs to be having.

The admin completely under-minded you when they said you were being too sensitive about it.

The admin being apologetic about it doesn't make it okay to accept misogyny, imo, however. The admin is not only avoiding doing their job, but telling a member who is uncomfortable that it's their own fault they're uncomfortable when it's not and perpetuating rape culture and the idea that it's okay to talk about that shit. The admin should have shut down the people talking about it, not the people concerned about it. That's backwards, and that's a shitty admin.

[winghead_melly]

It can be really hard to stand up for what you believe in when other people are going to blame you for rocking the boat. Remember that they're the one being an asshole, and you shouldn't have to feel guilty when you get mad because someone else is being an asshole. You're allowed to (edit) *feel* offended by offensive things.

(If it was me I probably would just leave the game at this point, but that's an entirely personal reaction. Do whatever you feel comfortable with - if you do end up wanting to leave, don't feel you have to stay just for someone else. Your comfort is important too!)

[zimon66]

Way to go on shirking your responsibilities, Admin. +1 for the heaping pile of steaming BS you served up to the OP.

[sharepass11]

Admin is now trying to sweep it all under the rug / tell me my callnig people out disturbs the public.

[killiara]

Mmm, I'd suggest dropping the following links and just walking away. Some things you just CAN'T talk polite about, and the admin was derailing you flat out, by using 'tone' and 'it's your job to educate'. CLASSIC derailing tactics.

http://www.shakesville.com/2010/01/feminism-101.html
http://finallyfeminism101.wordpress.com/resources/mirror-derailing-for-dummies/

[sharepass11]

Thank you for the links! =)

[darth_eldritch]

Yep, this!

[sharepass11]

WHY DIDN'T I TAKE YOUR ADVICE BEFORE IT GOT WORSE

[painangrrfear]

Chiming in to say that that's bullshit and the admin is preserving a toxic environment in the chat. Totally unacceptable. May I suggest that you do whatever you need to do to protect yourself? Continue RPing with your friend if that works for you, but don't let anyone drag you into enabling or ego-stroking or whatever they mean by 'Wah, you have to educate me not to call women sluts or skanks!'