"Lord of Dorkness" is dorky...

Dec 14, 2010 22:03

Someone, (I shall call him "Lord of Dorkness" because it amuses me) just came to my game and posted this gem:

cut to save your brain )

grammar -- learn you some, bad character bio, good rpers don't write like that, dumbass, mary sue, i didn't read the rules, speshul snowflakes

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Comments 65

dv8nation December 15 2010, 04:43:44 UTC
The old "half god" bit just never gets old.

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pig_catapult December 15 2010, 04:56:16 UTC
Half-god: Check.
Knighted by age 20: Check.
Mention of "outline" in regard to hair: Check
Inexplicably green metals: Check.
TWIN SCIMITARS: Double Check.
No set limit to powers: Check.
No real weakness: Check.
Absolutely no set-in-stone personality traits, so as to allow him to do whatever the player thinks would be the coolest reaction at the time: Check.
Cheap cop-out instead of a history: Check.

Conclusion: Kill it with fire.

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socksferatu December 15 2010, 05:14:27 UTC
At least it's not "pure gold" or "solid gold" armor. Either of those always crack me the hell up.

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dv8nation December 15 2010, 05:23:21 UTC
Giving that gold is one of the softest metals there is, yeah, that always makes me laugh as well.

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doll_soul December 17 2010, 08:36:41 UTC
Or one of those people who think diamonds or obsidian would make awesome sword blades. Diamond might be the hardest natural substance but that doesn't mean it is flexible XD

I laugh when I see that in a profile.

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neuroindecency December 15 2010, 04:56:32 UTC
I like how in weakness he tells us his strengths first instead. And his only weakness being 'MAYBE A GOD COULD KILL HIM... MAYBE'.
He's strong against Magic and Physical attacks? Uh... that's pretty much all there is. D: Except maybe like mental/psychological... wtf.

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celticswynd December 15 2010, 05:12:30 UTC
Gives me an idea. App someone who's a master in torture, mental, psychological, and physical torture. A guy that would make a Medieval Interrogator look like a saint.

Then sick him on this guy.

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beardedtroll December 15 2010, 08:00:24 UTC
He's strong against Magic and Physical attacks? Uh... that's pretty much all there is. D: Except maybe like mental/psychological... wtf.

There's economic attacks. Slap an oil embargo on him and he'll cry "uncle" before the stock exchange opens.

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ianam1983 December 15 2010, 14:45:07 UTC
Hair oil in his case, perhaps?

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appalachias December 15 2010, 04:59:42 UTC
+1 for EOI reference
-4 for REMINDING OF IT WHY DID YOU TURN INTO COMPLICATED MMO CRAP ARGH AND THEN YOU STOPPED UPDATING AGAIN

Also this really, really, really sounds like a kid new to roleplaying.

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word_forger December 15 2010, 05:48:12 UTC
Hehehe. Sorry. I thought it fit the behavior pretty well.

And yeah. I'll probably give him a chance to clean up his act. I just thought it was worthy of a rant.

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queelez December 15 2010, 16:09:42 UTC
Man, so glad that I'm not the only one who caught that.

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celticswynd December 15 2010, 05:10:53 UTC
Precous metals suck as armor. use this to your advantage when you have to fight him.

Green? Only metal I can think of that's green is copper that was exposed to salt water too long. (Example: Statue of Liberty)

Guy with English last name, carrying an Asian weapon. Why is it always katanas that Gary Stues have?

Green scimitars? did he paint them, or are they just really old copper that turned green?

Fiery blades? I can do that too! Dipping the blade into alcohol and then over a candle. WOOSH!

Green flames? I blame the absinthe fairy.

Massive Power. I"M LEVEL 100203883923992037297333!!!
weaknesses: Don't make me make a God character, or bring out one of my angels.

History: wow, lazy.

Do you have a rule that "If it's not in the bio, it does not exist?" Which basically means, if his powers arn't listed, they don't exist? So all we get in the end is some guy who can make a blade burn and turn into green flames?

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dv8nation December 15 2010, 05:27:27 UTC
If someone is waving around two scimitars you can bet they've been reading Drizzt Do'Urden.

And it's just sad how overrated katanas are. Yeah, they're good weapons. But they're not wildly better most other swords.

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appalachias December 15 2010, 05:33:26 UTC
They're GRATE for cutting down unarmored peasants, lemmetellyawat.

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dv8nation December 15 2010, 05:36:18 UTC
Honestly, just STAB them with a rapier like a civilized person. Far, far less messy.

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