I am not a Hired Gun.
I was going to wait a few days before I posted the next one, but you know what? I feel like I just chugged a whole case of Rage-ahol. I don't think I've ever been quite so tweaked off in my life. And right now, I'm pissed at this entry for preventing from getting to last guy in the trio.
So, let's call her Pants. She has no personality, no writing ability, and her existence offends me. So, it's perfect.
I first met Pants eight to ten years ago in an unmoderated panfandom chat room that started as a Sonic The Hedgehog shrine. Thing is, pretty much everyone played original characters. She didn't. She played Capcom characters. We didn't interact much and I was a bit of an idiot. I thought she was okay. Long story short, she left in a huff after threatening suicide because someone who was in a romance with one of her characters had another of his characters flirt with someone.
Let's fast forward. I didn't meet her again until after Hwaiiee! started her own chat, which was about three years ago. I didn't realize it was her at first due to the time gap. If I had, I might have saved myself some trouble. At first, I thought Pants was just a little lazy. See, I first saw her fawning over the Rapist I mentioned previously, with half a dozen characters for his half dozen.
She also fawned over a friend of mine. I didn't realize it at the time, but she was pretty much sleeping with anyone who'd have her. Anyone who wanted could wear just about any of her characters as a Penis Puppet, and she was not only cool with it but she'd go after people who hadn't.
Okay, some people really like their smut. But Pants here... she went above and beyond fairly often. For one thing, up until she decided to register over a hundred different handles, the place was largely OC. But she had to register the complete female roster of Every Capcom Fighting game, several X-Men, the Bloodrayne series, the Megaman Series, Bleach, Naruto... And they were all active in the same chat, usually two or three at a time.
I think you're starting to see part of the problem. The first time I counted, she was only up to Sixty six, and only sixty seven percent of those were canons. But it got worse. Of her original characters, over half of them were either genderswapped Capcom characters or "Anti" versions of various famous characters.
The most memorable of Pants' Antis was a psychotic lesbian Aisha Clan-Clan with the seven deadly sins cranked up to truly terrifying levels. While Aisha was already gluttonous, wrathful and prideful, she wasn't lazy, greedy, or Lustful. At least, not to those extremes. Anti wouldn't do jack unless there was food, sex, or money involved.
Now, for the most part, aside from being the town bicycle she was just... bad. All her characters were deadpan as hell, aside from Aisha. She played Mystique very poorly. As Wolverine's lover/cock sheath and she flirted with Big Boss at the same time. Alright, she does that. But every post she had to say "Sultry" or "sexy". She had to remind people that Mystique was hot. Meanwhile, elsewhere in the chat was a great big scarred, fat, rude demon who was doing a much better job of getting the guys because the player knew how to act sexy.
She played the entire female cast of Bloodrayne, as had been mentioned. The way she played them, all of the sisters were interchangeable. And none of them hated each other, despite what their relationships were like in the game. That's fine.
She played Morrigan from Dark Stalkers as the Queen of Hell, Lover of fancy balls, and oh yes, Wife of Sparda. Never mind that Morrigan doesn't want to rule anything, would generally rather slurp down cheap hooch and have one night stands, and would never settle down with anyone. The thing that gets me is she managed to convince one of her boy toys to play Sparda, and do it so poorly. Sparda hates other demons, and loved his very Human Wife.
I mentioned the Genderswapped Capcom characters, yeah? The one that pops to mind is a mostly pacifist Female clone of M. Bison from Street Fighter. All this stuff was in the first few months of my really knowing her.
Now, I can't pick on Pants too hard for fawning over Rapist. He's a good RPer. I still hate his guts, but he seems to be able to get people under his power. Her characters were bland, but she did the Wife thing well enough.
Now, I bet some of you are wondering how she's worse than Hwaiiee!? Remember Anti Aisha, above? About a year into all this, she raped someone in chat, without the player's permission. And no one did anything because it wasn't "Graphic". After all, all she did was slip her fingers into the other girl's pants and finger her, grope her mercilessly, and... oh yes... Suffocate her with Anti's Double Ds. The victim was screaming for help, trying to get away. It was pretty clear how much the other character and other player didn't want it. And people just sat there and watched.
I wasn't a mod there, but I was the one who put a stop to it. Everyone else, IC and OOC, seemed to think that's just how lesbians snuggle. I wish I was kidding. No. Lesbians do not go up to their friends and start fingering them and forcing their heads in their crotch. They do not smother them with their breasts until they stop moving.
The victim was traumatized and to my knowledge refused to let Anyone at all touch her for nearly a whole year. Good RPing on their part, at least in the Hatred and insecurity department.
Now, after this three of the six mods wanted her gone. Problem was, the three that wanted her were Hwaiiee! (the chat owner), a rather perverted individual who thought pussy flavored jello and tentacle rape paintballs were perfectly valid weapons of war, and a man who played an entire military base of Alien Unitarian Paladins. The man who was a Military Base was also fucking at least three of her characters. And that was the big problem. He was one of the head mods and could reverse any decision that wasn't made by popular vote.
So, The mods who wanted her gone came to me. I have a reputation for being a very good villain, for being level headed, and being pretty much the exact opposite of Pants. They wanted me to drive her off any way I could, and they'd even cover for me.
I didn't want to do it. But he made puppy eyes. I'm a wimp. I admit it. He made puppy eyes so I did it. I set a plan into motion where I pretty much usurped the title of Ruler of Hell through political maneuvering. I got the other nobles on my side and pretty much got her to hand it over in a huff.
Or at least, that's what would have happened if I'd accepted the title the first time. I wasn't content to just get the title that way. I was going to take it by force. I never got the chance because the Rapist got banned, and she decided to leave because he was apparently one of the big reasons she stayed.
It didn't last too long, but by the time she returned, I'd found greener pastures.
Sadly, this isn't where the story ends. Just my part. A little over a year ago, a friend of mine got accused of wanting to rape one of her characters because he never showed any interest in them at all, but had a single lesbian character. And she honestly believes that Lesbians are Rape Bombs. I'm going to let that sink in before I continue.
Now, she refused to believe in Asexuality or people simply not being interested in her. I learned about this incident last year, but it is, admittedly, from two years ago or so. A friend had a Dryad girl who was in a straight relationship(With Military Dood). So, her chain of logic was "Dryads are flowers. Bees like flowers. Q-Bee will want to snuggle her and impregnate her!" I wish I was kidding. It never got that far because, again, the dryad was in a relationship. They were just friends... But the threat of Q-Bee, uh, pollinating her loomed overhead pretty much constantly. And no one would stop it because it's just what lesbians do...
...
GWASHASFASAAAAAAAAAAAAA! gh;llhrdrtuoijkhjgyfy
Ahem. That said, at least she's consistent with her logic, because I had a Male Tree spirit whom Q-Bee wanted to .... pollinate.
I'm going to stop thinking about this. Tune in again tomorrow when I actually tell you about the rapist bastard that split the chat, has been banned from at least eight places only to manage to weasel his way back into six of them, and does nigh monthly chat ending plots.
tl;dr: GWAAAAAAAA! Girl with less personality than a piece of cardboard tries to sleep with everyone, and sexually assaults someone in a PG-13 chat without getting banned. She's also convinced that lesbians are rape bombs waiting to go off.
Edit: Clarified the time line.
Edit2: Used the right term. >.> I blame rule 63 boards.
So, let's call her Pants. She has no personality, no writing ability, and her existence offends me. So, it's perfect.
I first met Pants eight to ten years ago in an unmoderated panfandom chat room that started as a Sonic The Hedgehog shrine. Thing is, pretty much everyone played original characters. She didn't. She played Capcom characters. We didn't interact much and I was a bit of an idiot. I thought she was okay. Long story short, she left in a huff after threatening suicide because someone who was in a romance with one of her characters had another of his characters flirt with someone.
Let's fast forward. I didn't meet her again until after Hwaiiee! started her own chat, which was about three years ago. I didn't realize it was her at first due to the time gap. If I had, I might have saved myself some trouble. At first, I thought Pants was just a little lazy. See, I first saw her fawning over the Rapist I mentioned previously, with half a dozen characters for his half dozen.
She also fawned over a friend of mine. I didn't realize it at the time, but she was pretty much sleeping with anyone who'd have her. Anyone who wanted could wear just about any of her characters as a Penis Puppet, and she was not only cool with it but she'd go after people who hadn't.
Okay, some people really like their smut. But Pants here... she went above and beyond fairly often. For one thing, up until she decided to register over a hundred different handles, the place was largely OC. But she had to register the complete female roster of Every Capcom Fighting game, several X-Men, the Bloodrayne series, the Megaman Series, Bleach, Naruto... And they were all active in the same chat, usually two or three at a time.
I think you're starting to see part of the problem. The first time I counted, she was only up to Sixty six, and only sixty seven percent of those were canons. But it got worse. Of her original characters, over half of them were either genderswapped Capcom characters or "Anti" versions of various famous characters.
The most memorable of Pants' Antis was a psychotic lesbian Aisha Clan-Clan with the seven deadly sins cranked up to truly terrifying levels. While Aisha was already gluttonous, wrathful and prideful, she wasn't lazy, greedy, or Lustful. At least, not to those extremes. Anti wouldn't do jack unless there was food, sex, or money involved.
Now, for the most part, aside from being the town bicycle she was just... bad. All her characters were deadpan as hell, aside from Aisha. She played Mystique very poorly. As Wolverine's lover/cock sheath and she flirted with Big Boss at the same time. Alright, she does that. But every post she had to say "Sultry" or "sexy". She had to remind people that Mystique was hot. Meanwhile, elsewhere in the chat was a great big scarred, fat, rude demon who was doing a much better job of getting the guys because the player knew how to act sexy.
She played the entire female cast of Bloodrayne, as had been mentioned. The way she played them, all of the sisters were interchangeable. And none of them hated each other, despite what their relationships were like in the game. That's fine.
She played Morrigan from Dark Stalkers as the Queen of Hell, Lover of fancy balls, and oh yes, Wife of Sparda. Never mind that Morrigan doesn't want to rule anything, would generally rather slurp down cheap hooch and have one night stands, and would never settle down with anyone. The thing that gets me is she managed to convince one of her boy toys to play Sparda, and do it so poorly. Sparda hates other demons, and loved his very Human Wife.
I mentioned the Genderswapped Capcom characters, yeah? The one that pops to mind is a mostly pacifist Female clone of M. Bison from Street Fighter. All this stuff was in the first few months of my really knowing her.
Now, I can't pick on Pants too hard for fawning over Rapist. He's a good RPer. I still hate his guts, but he seems to be able to get people under his power. Her characters were bland, but she did the Wife thing well enough.
Now, I bet some of you are wondering how she's worse than Hwaiiee!? Remember Anti Aisha, above? About a year into all this, she raped someone in chat, without the player's permission. And no one did anything because it wasn't "Graphic". After all, all she did was slip her fingers into the other girl's pants and finger her, grope her mercilessly, and... oh yes... Suffocate her with Anti's Double Ds. The victim was screaming for help, trying to get away. It was pretty clear how much the other character and other player didn't want it. And people just sat there and watched.
I wasn't a mod there, but I was the one who put a stop to it. Everyone else, IC and OOC, seemed to think that's just how lesbians snuggle. I wish I was kidding. No. Lesbians do not go up to their friends and start fingering them and forcing their heads in their crotch. They do not smother them with their breasts until they stop moving.
The victim was traumatized and to my knowledge refused to let Anyone at all touch her for nearly a whole year. Good RPing on their part, at least in the Hatred and insecurity department.
Now, after this three of the six mods wanted her gone. Problem was, the three that wanted her were Hwaiiee! (the chat owner), a rather perverted individual who thought pussy flavored jello and tentacle rape paintballs were perfectly valid weapons of war, and a man who played an entire military base of Alien Unitarian Paladins. The man who was a Military Base was also fucking at least three of her characters. And that was the big problem. He was one of the head mods and could reverse any decision that wasn't made by popular vote.
So, The mods who wanted her gone came to me. I have a reputation for being a very good villain, for being level headed, and being pretty much the exact opposite of Pants. They wanted me to drive her off any way I could, and they'd even cover for me.
I didn't want to do it. But he made puppy eyes. I'm a wimp. I admit it. He made puppy eyes so I did it. I set a plan into motion where I pretty much usurped the title of Ruler of Hell through political maneuvering. I got the other nobles on my side and pretty much got her to hand it over in a huff.
Or at least, that's what would have happened if I'd accepted the title the first time. I wasn't content to just get the title that way. I was going to take it by force. I never got the chance because the Rapist got banned, and she decided to leave because he was apparently one of the big reasons she stayed.
It didn't last too long, but by the time she returned, I'd found greener pastures.
Sadly, this isn't where the story ends. Just my part. A little over a year ago, a friend of mine got accused of wanting to rape one of her characters because he never showed any interest in them at all, but had a single lesbian character. And she honestly believes that Lesbians are Rape Bombs. I'm going to let that sink in before I continue.
Now, she refused to believe in Asexuality or people simply not being interested in her. I learned about this incident last year, but it is, admittedly, from two years ago or so. A friend had a Dryad girl who was in a straight relationship(With Military Dood). So, her chain of logic was "Dryads are flowers. Bees like flowers. Q-Bee will want to snuggle her and impregnate her!" I wish I was kidding. It never got that far because, again, the dryad was in a relationship. They were just friends... But the threat of Q-Bee, uh, pollinating her loomed overhead pretty much constantly. And no one would stop it because it's just what lesbians do...
...
GWASHASFASAAAAAAAAAAAAA! gh;llhrdrtuoijkhjgyfy
Ahem. That said, at least she's consistent with her logic, because I had a Male Tree spirit whom Q-Bee wanted to .... pollinate.
I'm going to stop thinking about this. Tune in again tomorrow when I actually tell you about the rapist bastard that split the chat, has been banned from at least eight places only to manage to weasel his way back into six of them, and does nigh monthly chat ending plots.
tl;dr: GWAAAAAAAA! Girl with less personality than a piece of cardboard tries to sleep with everyone, and sexually assaults someone in a PG-13 chat without getting banned. She's also convinced that lesbians are rape bombs waiting to go off.
Edit: Clarified the time line.
Edit2: Used the right term. >.> I blame rule 63 boards.