Comments | backrose_17: All Your Secret Wishes

backrose_17

All Your Secret Wishes

Jul 21, 2016 16:53

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spn_j2 bb, fic: all your secret wishes, pairing: jensen/jared

Comments 1

GREAT STORY bewitchedjc November 10 2016, 22:52:31 UTC

You have great story idea; You describe sex scenes well; You do have to work on your dialogue; You tend to add to much and tells us things that reader can surmize; You have to make dialogue more to character; Example; Chapter 9;“You have no right to show back up in my life and dangle knowledge about my father as a way to get me to do what you want. You used me to get your hands on Jensen’s money! Why do you think I would want anything to do with you again? If I want to speak to you I will get in touch with you. If my father really wants to meet me tell him to get in contact with Jensen Ackles. Until then leave me alone.” Jared turned on his heel and left Amanda behind; he was done being her pawn ( ... )