Title: Unspoken Deception Chapter 2
Torchwood One fell in blood and fire and once again Ianto ones lost friends and colleagues to forces he couldn’t control. He was so very tired of death and destruction following him around like a scorned lover, taking and destroying everything good in his life.
So when he found Lisa half-converted, writhing in pain, begging him to help her, and screaming for release, Ianto didn't think twice. In an instant he used his magic for the first time in his muggle life to help her the best he could, to sooth her pain the best he could as he moved her. He vowed to himself that he would save her or die trying, never once wondering after it was all said and done, if it was truly his beautiful Lisa or just his enemy using her face and memories to fool him. He would never know.
Through sheer force of will, Ianto Jones managed to get into Torchwood Cardiff where he found himself doing things that as Draco Malfoy he would never had been able to lower himself to do. Without saying a world, he took care of and cleaned up after those who were supposed to be his teammates; looking back, he should have known that he would never truly be one of them. He was the invisible shadow and that was exactly how he liked it; after all, he just needed to stay at Torchwood Three long enough to save and fix Lisa. In order to do that he needed to figure out which alien devices worked the best with his magic because he couldn't heal her on his own and besides, Torchwood had done this to her and Torchwood would fix her.
What Ianto hadn't counted on was Captain Jack Harkness, the flirty leader of Torchwood Three and a gorgeous example of manhood who made his pulse race in ways Lisa never had. In fact, only Cantelina had ever made him this way, but Jack was nothing like Cantelina and Ianto refused to disgrace his love's memory by comparing the two of them. From the first moment he met Jack, Ianto vowed that he would never let their flirting be anything more than a means to an end and lo and behold, his plan worked.
Of course, it helped that Jack only saw his handsome young archivist when he wanted to flirt with him and since he did that with everyone, Ianto knew that he was nothing special to Jack. So no matter what Jack said or did, Ianto firmly ignored the little voice in the back on his head that said Jack was so much more and that was why it hurt so deeply to be nothing to Jack. Still he had Lisa and that was all that mattered to him, or at least that was what he kept telling himself. But no matter what he did or said, he could not fool the one person who really saw him.
Lisa was no fool. She could see that Ianto was hurting, that the others saw him as nothing but a butler, nothing but a shadow moving through the Hub and the situation made her angry on Ianto's behalf. How they could miss seeing what an amazing man Ianto was, was simply beyond her comprehension and their ignorance only made them all the more fools in her eyes. As far as she was concerned, there wasn’t one damned one of them who deserved someone as intelligent, thoughtless and dedicated as Ianto Jones. She also felt increasingly guilty; she was the only reason Ianto had taken such a demeaning job.
As she watched him program her pain medication into the glucose and saline feeds that helped keep her alive, Lisa pleaded with him yet again, “Ianto, please, if you love me you’ll let me go.” During those times when it was truly her in control and not the Cyberman trying to trick Ianto, she did her very best to end the situation they’d found themselves in. Human Lisa refused to let the cyber components that were slowly taking over her body use Ianto as a pawn but she just wasn't that strong anymore.
Unfortunately, the times when she had enough control to try and convince Ianto to end her suffering were becoming fewer and farther between. She knew the time was quickly approaching when Lisa Hallett would cease to exist and there would be nothing but a monster left inside her metal skin.
Ianto's stubbornness was one of the things she loved most about him. She still remembered the time they’d gone camping on the Cornish coast; it had unexpectedly started pouring with rain, the temperature had dropped so they’d zipped their sleeping bags together for warmth, and when they’d awoken in the morning, they’d discovered a stray dog pissing on the outside of their tent. On the drive home, their streak of ‘luck’ had continued and they’d gotten a flat tire out in the middle of nowhere. Stubbornly refusing to call for roadside assistance Ianto had insisted that he could change the tire himself, and true to his word he had, although it had taken almost three hours.
Unfortunately, there were times when that stubbornness was blinding him to the truth, times like right now.
Ianto shook his head and gently stroked Lisa's cheek, “If I have to damn my soul in order to save you then so be it.” He had no idea how true that would turn out to be or how high of a price he would have to pay in his attempts to save Lisa.
The end truly began when Suzie killed herself and Gwen Cooper was hired to fill the sudden vacancy. For the longest time Ianto would continue to blame himself for not seeing how dark and evil the glove was or the way that it slowly corrupted Suzie until it twisted her into its puppet and made her a murderer. He knew dark magic as well any other member of the wizarding world; he had lived with it most of his life and yet somehow the glove completely escaped his attention. He had been too focused on healing Lisa to notice the insidious darkness seeping its way into Suzie's soul until it was too late to do anything to save her. Still, given how close the four original members of the team were, he thought that at least someone would have noticed.
Less than three weeks into his tenure with Torchwood Three, Ianto knew the moment Owen and Suzie started shagging, but in his mind this was nothing like the affair between Harry and Neville; there was real love between Harry and Neville. What Owen and Suzie shared was nothing but not wanting to be lonely, and despite its casual intent, it was only going to lead someone to heart break.
Unfortunately, Ianto was sad to say that that person was more than likely going to be Tosh. He knew his shy teammate had a thing for the grouchy doctor and despite the fact that he and Tosh never spoke more than a few words at a time, Ianto really did care about her and her feelings. He knew that when she realised the truth about Owen and Suzie she was going to be crushed.
When Owen and Suzie officially became something like a couple it shocked Jack and Tosh and Ianto could see that it broke Tosh’s heart just like Ianto thought it would. He personally could never understand what Tosh saw in Owen; he would never see her as anything but a friend and occasionally as a doormat. Ianto wished that Tosh would move on and find someone who would truly love her like she deserved to be loved.
In the end, the happiness she found with Owen was still not enough to save Suzie from the power of the glove. Despite the fact they weren't close Ianto did care about Suzie and he blamed himself for not feeling the evil pouring off of the glove, but at the time all his focus was on helping Lisa and making sure that the others never found her.
Once again, Ianto should have been prepared for the very worst because in his life everything falls apart it; he should have known that the worst possible scenario would come to pass because history had shown that everything good in his life usually came to an ugly end.
Ianto’s dream of helping Lisa and living happily ever after with her ended in blood and tears as Lisa was lost to the Cyberman programming and began threatening the lives of not only the Torchwood Three team but the world and all Ianto could think of was how he had once again failed someone he loved.
Never in his life had Jack felt such anger, betrayal and yes, even though he would never say it out loud, jealousy as he did staring at Ianto Jones with a gun just inches from his face. Part of Jack wanted to shoot the man who’d lied his way onto his team but the other part of him wanted to ask “why” and “how” and “did you mean any of the things you said while you were in my bed?” Instead, he growled, “You hid yourself from us!” His voice was gruff and laced with rage but underneath it was a distinct current of intense sadness; he’d thought that he and Ianto had something special between them, something that could have grown into a lifetime together.
If he could have, Ianto would have laughed at Jack’s words; it was one of the most ridiculous things he’d ever heard the man say. Jack was certainly one to talk about secrets; after all he was keeping a pretty big one from the others. 'All of them except his precious Gwen, that is.'
Ianto felt his own rage, indignation and fear for Lisa take over. His face twisted into an ugly parody of its normal placid mask as he snarled, "When's the last time any one of you asked me anything? When was the last time any of you said thank you or please? Never, that’s when! No, I clean up your shit and that's the way you like it. No questions asked, just orders and insults shouted."
Ianto had endured months of loneliness, bitterness and silence as he’d worked tirelessly in plain sight of his so-called teammates only to be blatantly ignored unless they wanted something from him. The roiling emotions that had been festering within him at being summarily dismissed only grew as he watched as Gwen was accepted into the fold while he was kept on the side line, all because of where he had worked before
Ianto had seen enough of this kind of passive-aggressive hate before; his own father, Lucius, had been an expert at ripping people to shreds with his withering glare and razor-sharp tongue. That type of intense snobbery and caste-based discrimination was one of the main reasons why he’d left the wizarding world after all.
Without warning and without Ianto even being away that it was happening, something within the quite Welshman snapped and he was once again Draco Malfoy, the Prince of Slytherin.
Ianto sneered at them, his eyes flashing and his words sharp, "You all pretend that you're better than Torchwood One and Yvonne, when the truth is you’re just as big of monsters as she was. You each judged me and then immediately commended me the moment you found out I worked for One. Never once did any of you try and hide your beliefs that Torchwood One got what they had coming to them, that every single person who worked there was an evil, heartless monster.”
“Yeah, well, if the shoe fits…” Owen snarked but his words went completely unnoticed by Ianto.
“Not one of you wanted to even think that there were good people working, that not everyone was heartless, that so many of them just wanted to do good. You may have broken all ties with Torchwood One to prove just how much better you are, but you proved yourselves just as cynical, self-serving and contemptuous when it fell by making sure you were the first ones on site. You thought scavenging the ruins for whatever was left was all that mattered so you completely and deliberately ignored the agonising pain and suffering of the survivors.”
It didn’t escape Ianto’s notice that while Owen merely snorted derisively, Toshiko suddenly turned white with shock and then red with embarrassment as she muttered, “How do you know what we did?”
“Tell me oh mighty Captain Jack Harkness, if you're so big on being better than Yvonne Hartman, tell me just what exactly did you do to ease the suffering of the survivors? Besides taking in poor, pathetic little Ianto Jones," Ianto asked in a snarl; sarcasm dripped from every word. “Did you provide medical treatment for their injuries? Did you offer them psychological counseling for the trauma of being at the very centre of a battle between two alien species intent on world domination and destruction? Did you even attempt to Retcon any of them so they wouldn’t have to listen to the sounds of their friends screaming and dying in their heads forever?”
Jack had never seen so much pure hate directed at him by anyone and that only made him the angrier. ‘Just who the hell is Ianto Jones to judge me?’ He was the one who’d kept a Cyberman hidden in his base and he was the one who’d unleashed it on them. In some ways, Ianto was worse than One; at least most of them had been ignorant of the possible outcome of their actions. Ianto, on the other hand, knew exactly what his Cyber-girlfriend was capable of and did nothing to prevent her from taking action.
Drawing himself up to his full height, Jack looked down his nose at Ianto; "Right, because you're the one to preach about how kind and caring Torchwood One was when you hid that thing in my base. What were you planning, Ianto? Were you going to finish what Yvonne started? Were you some kind of secret back-up plan in case One failed to destroy the human race? Is that what that monster in my vaults was, insurance that Cybermen would rule the world?” Jack wanted to get a rise out of Ianto so he added a leering grin to the next sentence. “I'll admit the metal bikini was a nice touch."
Even though he saw the punch coming the force of the blow still sent him reeling back several feet and if it hadn’t been for Tosh and Owen’s support, he might have landed on his shapely arse. Jack felt his jaw tingling and he reached up to touch it gingerly; Ianto had held nothing back.
Ianto glared at Jack his eyes burning with the deepest hatred he’d ever felt towards another living being; truth was, he hadn't bother to stop himself from putting a little of his magic into his hit. 'Won't it be a surprise when Jack finds he's not healing as fast as he normally would,’ he couldn’t resist a wee bit of gloating. "Don't you dare talk about Lisa like that! She was one of the good ones! Do you want to know how I came to join Torchwood in the first place? It's not like any of you ever cared enough to ask before, so why don't I just tell you. I was in love with a wonderful man only he wasn't a human man, he was an Ederoi, his name was Cantelina and Torchwood One killed him. They tortured him for days, doing everything they could to destroy him mind, body and soul, and then when they were through having fun, they murdered him in cold blood simply because he was alien."
The small room went silent as the team could only stare at Ianto in horror (Tosh), sympathy (Gwen), disbelief (Owen) and understanding (Jack). Things were much worse than they’d previously thought and there was an immediate realisation that they were all guilty of not taking the time to talk to Ianto, to get to know him. From the moment he’d walked through the front door it was simply understood that he was Torchwood One and that was all they needed to know: he was not one of them.
With a character trait they were quickly learning was normal for Gwen, their newest member bluntly asked, "If they killed your lover then why did you stay with Torchwood? Didn't it seem wrong to work for them given that they’d just killed someone you claimed to love?"
Ianto stiffened and his icy glare burned holes into Gwen until it forced her to start shifting uncomfortably as the rage burned even brighter in his blue eyes. His voice was carefully controlled as he spoke, “The man I loved died lying through his teeth for the sole purpose of saving my life, knowing the whole time that there was no guarantee he would be successful in keeping me from suffering the same fate that awaited him. Cantelina claimed that he was a powerful psychic and that from almost the moment we’d met I had been completely under his mind control. His story never changed, but Yvonne was smart and she didn't fully believe his story, so I was encouraged shall we say, to join Torchwood One so they could keep an eye on me.
“I consider myself very fortunate that Lisa Hallett was assigned as my handler, because she treated me like a human being as so did many of the others; I had lost my world and they worked selflessly to help me find a new one. Then, despite warnings from her own employees that she was ignoring the dangers of playing with the unknown, Yvonne released hell on earth. Her blind insistence on and insane determination to restore the British Empire to its former glory resulted in the war between the Daleks and the Cybermen.”
Out of the corner of his eye Ianto noticed the way Jack flinched as if in pain at the word Dalek and in the back of his mind he tucked away a question for later. He then looked at each person in the room, one by one, before continuing. ”I watched as everyone I cared was savagely destroyed, my world burned to ashes around me. Do any of you have any idea what that is like? To lose everyone you've ever cared for in one swift moment and worse, to be helpless to stop any of it from happening?" Ianto demanded harshly.
Those last few words broke through Ianto’s stoic mask of anger, his voice letting loose the soul-deep pain he was carrying not only for Torchwood One but also for the war he had been forced to fight in when he was younger. "I have lost everything and you all stand here and condemn people you didn't even know.” He paused and drew in a deep breath, again looking at each member of Torchwood Three; it didn’t escape his notice that not one of them could look him in the eye. “You know what? I take it back; you lot are worse than Yvonne could have ever been." In that moment of crystal clarity, Ianto knew he was done with Torchwood; he couldn't take the pain anymore, this was worse than anything the wizarding world could do to him.
Still, he owed it to Lisa… to the memory of Lisa to give her the ending she had begged him for so many times.
Jack noticed the distinct change in Ianto the moment it happened; the rage and anger fell away and a cold and hard mask claimed his face. Jack felt an icy chill crawl down his spine; the look was one that he'd seen many times on the battlefield on the faces of soldiers who had decided they had nothing left to lose.
Ianto straightened his shoulders, stiffened his spine and stared directly at Jack. "I shall do my duty and take care of the threat that is Lisa Hallett. I will not allow you to gun her down like a dog in the street; she deserves better than that." That was the only thing he said before he turned on his heels and walked towards the stairs that led down to the vaults. He had already decided that he would use his magic to give Lisa a simple and peaceful death, something in his heart he knew he should have done a long time ago. Now all he had to do was buy himself enough time to say good-bye and perform the spell before the rest of the team followed him downstairs.
“Ianto!” The word was out of Jack’s mouth before he could stop himself.
Ianto turned and looked at Jack, his face as expressionless as he could make it.
Jack stared hard at Ianto and while he could see the devastation in Ianto’s eyes, he also saw the firm determination there and he knew that Ianto would do what he needed to. “You have two minutes, no more and no less; if you don’t do your job and it isn’t dead by the time we get there, then not only will we end that thing but you as well,” Jack growled out, the promise in his voice unmistakeable.
Ianto felt a cruel smirk twist at his lips; had anyone from the wizarding world been present they would have known immediately that Ianto Jones, the pushover Tea-Boy was no more and in his place, Draco Malfoy, the prince of Slytherin had made his return. “Oh trust me, Harkness; I could end you all before any of you could even reach for your gun,” Ianto purred and his eyes began flashing dangerously as his tight hold on his magic slowly began to unravel. He was no longer going to be walked all over; it was time for him to start fighting back.
Struck by the sudden chill in the air as much as by the sense of unlimited potential that cracked through the air, Jack shivered and out of the corner of his eye he could see Tosh, Owen and Gwen do the same and step closer together as waves of raw power rolled off of Ianto and over them. As his grip tightened on his gun, Jack abruptly realised that not only was he finally seeing the real Ianto but that Ianto was far more dangerous than he originally appeared to be. The immortal couldn’t help but wonder what else they had missed about Ianto. ‘If anyone has a reason for hating Torchwood it’s Ianto and yet here he is still fighting and keeping Cardiff safe.’ Still Jack knew better than to let Ianto see that he was getting to him. "I'd like to see you try."
Ianto's eyes flashed with near-blinding ice-blue sparks. "Trust me” he sneered. “I've taken on bigger and scarier than you four and defeated them with ease. The only one of you that could prove any challenge at all is you, Jack, and maybe Tosh, but I know you, Toshiko, and you can't kill unless what you’re facing is a danger and I am proving to be a danger."
"Hey! Don't you dare take me or Owen lightly!” Gwen tried not to screech but her words were still overly loud. “Jack trained me personally and I’m much more of a threat than you could ever be!” She was tired of being over-looked by Ianto Jones; she was no longer a simple copper, she was a Torchwood Agent and Jack’s second-in-command and by god, she was due respect.
Ianto snorted out a derisive laugh. “Oh please, you call that grope session a shooting lesson? Something was close to being released but it wasn’t your skill with a gun,” Ianto mocked. “That little bit of CCTV footage has become one of Owen’s favourite wank videos.”
“OI!” Owen bellowed as Gwen spun around and punched the medic as hard as she could.
Everyone could only blink in shock at Ianto; this was not the Ianto they had gotten to know, but then again there was clearly just so much they truly did not know about the quiet young archivist and this could just be how he truly was.
Ianto's eyes narrowed even further as he felt the tingling, comforting presence of his wand tucked away safely in the sleeve of his suit. With a well-practiced move he slipped it down into his hand, then gave a flick of his wrist while the familiar spell fell from his lips and Ianto managed to freeze his teammates instantly. With them out of his way he could deal with Lisa properly. He would be able to say good-bye and give her a quick, merciful and painless death; it was what he owed her after all.
The young wizard was wracked with guilt; he had been so sure he would be able to save her that he never once thought she might have been right, that she couldn't hold back the programming. He understood now that she knew what was coming and that she wanted death before the implants could turn her into a killing machine and to his eternal shame, Ianto had failed her.
Now however, he’d been given a second chance. Ianto would do what was right and then he was done with the Muggle world; it brought him nothing but heartbreak.
Jack could only watch helplessly from within the binding spell that Ianto had put them under as his mysterious employee turned on his heels and stalked into the depths of the Hub. It seemed like a thousand different thoughts were running through Jack's mind, all fighting for attention, but the one way out in front of the pack was that Ianto Jones was a wizard.
‘What else have I missed when it comes to Ianto Jones?’
******
As he walked across the Hub’s floor toward the stairs down to the vaults, Ianto could hear Myfanwy rustling around up in her nest and he was filled with an overwhelming sense of relief to know that she was alright. He wasn't sure if he would ever be able to forgive Jack for setting her on the Cyberwoman, she could have been badly hurt. Murmuring a soft spell under his breath he locked down the Hub from the rest of the world, either he would leave or neither one of them would ever walk out of the Hub.
"Ianto."
Ianto stilled completely as Lisa's mechanical voice sounded from the stairs, but as he stared at her he suddenly felt his heart crack as he realised that he was looking at his Lisa. "Lisa, I am so sorry, please forgive me," he pleaded his voice cracking.
A small smile appeared on Lisa's lips and for just a moment love replaced the pain that was always in her eyes. "There is nothing for me to forgive Ianto, but you must forgive yourself. You must also promise me that you will continue to live your life and find love again." Lisa loved him with all her heart and she didn't want to leave this world until she knew that Ianto would be okay.
Ianto didn't want to make that promise; love was not for him, not as Draco Malfoy or Ianto Jones, but he couldn't deny the giving Lisa last thing she would ever want from him. "I'll do my best… for you, Lisa."
A single tear rolled down Lisa's cheek as she smiled back weakly at Ianto. "I will always love you whether you are Ianto Jones or Draco Malfoy, never forget that." Closing her eyes against the look of devastation she could see in his eyes, she pleaded, "Please, Ianto, please end this before I lose my control over this monster living inside of me."
It was the hardest thing Ianto ever had to do as he whispered the forbidden spell that would end Lisa’s life forever. He forced himself to watch as the killing curse hit her directly in her heart and in less than a heartbeat, it was over; Lisa Hallett was finally at rest. Ianto forced his tears back; before he could lose himself to grief he knew he needed to dispose of the Cyberwoman, and so, burying his emotions as deeply as he could Ianto carried the body of his girlfriend down to the incinerator. Then, as a solitary mourner, he stood watch as the shell of the Cyberwoman burned; a single tear his only showing of the grief that was slowly ripping his soul apart.
Ianto knew he couldn't stay at Torchwood any longer, death clung to Torchwood and to everything and everyone associated with it like a shadow just waiting for the moment when it could swallow him whole. Ianto had no more reason to stay within easy reach of death's waiting embrace, not now. A bitter laugh escaped Ianto's lips as he realised that Jack had been correct when he’d said he had hidden himself from them.
'Truth is, Jack, you have no idea how right you were. Everyone has secrets, I just happen to have a few more than most people.'
As he slowly entered the main Hub and sank down into the closest chair, Myfanwy's worried call was the only thing to stop Ianto from sinking into his depressing thoughts. Ianto blinked as he realised that he had been so lost in thought he hadn't even noticed when Myfanwy had landed on the ground until she gently nudged her beak against his shoulder. "I can't stay here, my sweet girl, but I can't leave you here either. What do you say, beautiful, do you want to come with me?" There was no way Ianto could entrust Myfanwy to a man who had used her as a weapon of death; after all he was the only one who had ever looked after her properly and he was the only one she had responded to nicely.
A happy chirp came from Myfanwy and Ianto had to smile at her as she peered at him with her head cocked to one side. At least he wouldn't be alone, not with Myfanwy with him. "Well come on then, old girl; there is still a little work to do before we can leave Torchwood behind for good. I’ll give you a treat when we’re all done, how does that sound?" The pteranodon clacked her beak loudly and gave a grumbling purr deep in her throat; she knew what the word ‘treat’ meant.
Ianto did his best to ignore the pain in his heart that he might never see Jack Harkness again, but he had to convince himself that it was for the best. There was just too much unpleasantness between them now for it ever to work out. A single tear rolled down Ianto’s cheek as he came to his decision. Leaving Torchwood and the muggle world was the best - the only - option for him.
Even if it didn’t feel like it was a coward’s way out, he still couldn’t stay where Lisa’s memory was everywhere.
Or worse, where everything reminded him of what might have been with Jack.
Despite the fact that every inch of his body hurt and his head was beginning to ache, Ianto forced himself to get up from his seat and move. He would have given anything to curl up with Myfanwy in her aerie, let the growing numbness take his body and just give into the endless darkness that was calling him. But Ianto couldn’t do that, it wouldn’t be what Lisa wanted and it would hurt those few who cared about him too greatly. Ianto sighed deeply; he was just so tired of hurting people.
Closing his eyes Ianto slowly massaged his temples trying to ward off the growing headache. Before he could do anything about to returning to the wizarding world he needed to make a plan to deal with Jack’s choice.
Ianto Jones had learned one very important fact on his fist day of indoctrination into Yvonne Hartman’s world: there were only two ways out of Torchwood: death or Retcon. He refused to let Jack or any other member of his team kill him and he’d be damned if he’d allow Jack to steal his memories of Lisa from him. Memories of her were all he had left. So he devised a third option; he would leave the muggles behind and return to a world where they could never touch him. The more he thought about it, the more Ianto knew he was making the right choice, just as he knew that his mother, godfather, Neville and Luna would help him.
'It isn’t fair!’ he silently raged. ‘The first true good things in my life, the first people to ever truly love me, were ripped cruel away from me. First Cantelina, my love and my world, there were days I wished I had died as well. Then I met Lisa and she breathed new life into me, only it wasn't to last. My world turned to ash the day the Cybermen came to our world.' In his heart, Ianto could see that everything he had fought for, everything he had done to save Lisa was for nothing; in the end he had failed her, just as he failed Cantelina.
‘Nothing matters in any more, not with her gone. Maybe I should just return to the wizarding world and face my punishment and accept the Dementor’s Kiss; it would be less painful than living in a world without Lisa and Cantelina.' Ianto was utterly broken in heart, mind, body and soul. In just over fifteen months, Torchwood had done something that the wizarding world failed to do in 21 years; they had broken the once prideful prince of Slytherin. For the first time since he lost both his loves, Ianto mourned for everything and everyone that had been taken from him.
*****
Neville knew something was wrong the moment that Luna ended up in his apartment with a haunted look in her eyes.
"What's wrong? What's happened?" Neville asked placing his hands on her shoulders.
Luna shook her head. "He's finally been broken, Neville; he's going to need us." She didn't need to say who; there was only one person she could be talking about.
'Draco, something has happened to Draco!' Neville felt worry filling him. "I'll be ready in a few moments. I just need to know Luna, how bad is it?"
Luna looked utterly shattered as she informed him, "He would welcome the Dementor’s Kiss, he thinks he has earned it."
Neville paled and nearly collapsed. 'What could have happened to have broken his friend so badly?'
“What he did, he did because he was blinded by love. He loves more deeply than even he realises he is capable of and he will always fight against the hopeless and the impossible but this time it has broken him completely,” Luna whispered softly to Neville.
“Well then it’s a good thing he has us to help him get through this pain,” Neville reassured Luna, he could see that she was hurting just as much as Draco was no doubt feeling.
******
Jack was utterly torn. He knew what he should do and that was follow Torchwood’s protocols and either kill Ianto Jones or Retcon him. Yet something within his heart stopped him from choosing either option.
Jack wasn't sure how long he and the others remained locked in the freezing spell Ianto had left them under, although Jack did have to give Ianto credit for freezing them around the lift’s paving stone, which meant they were invisible to everyone passing by on the Plass. He knew that they wouldn’t be free to move until Ianto was finished with whatever he was doing down below them. However, being frozen wasn’t all that bad; it gave Jack some precious quiet time to think about how he and the others had treated Ianto from the moment he’d started.
To his shame, Jack realised that the younger man was right; he couldn’t deny that they had never taken the time to include him in any of their activities, not in a team night out at their local or even a simple game of basketball in the Hub. As one they had cast Ianto aside as if he were nothing more than a slave and to make matters worse, during those odd moments when they did interact with in Ianto, never once had he or Owen masked their hatred of and total contempt for Torchwood One and by extension, Ianto Jones.
‘It’s no wonder Ianto felt like he couldn’t trust us with the truth,’ Jack thought mournfully, ‘and now it might be too late to make things right.’
There was simply no denying the fact that Ianto did indeed betray them, but in a way they betrayed him first. They had taken advantage of Ianto’s amazing skills, including coffee-making, organisation and anticipating their every need, without once acknowledging the man behind them with so much as a nod. He did so much for them - essential tasks as well as thoughtful gestures - and not one of them had ever offered him the slightest bit of thank you.
Learning the truth about how Ianto came to join Torchwood One had had a sobering effect on Jack; like him, Ianto hadn't joined willingly and after everything Yvonne and her minions had taken from him Ianto should have hated them more than anyone else but he still defended them. If he could have moved, Jack would have hung his head in his hands; he didn't know what to do anymore. He knew that sooner or later he was going to have to go and see Ianto; they needed to talk and there were decisions to be made. Now he just needed to work up the courage to do it.
'What is it about Ianto Jones that makes me feel so confused and upside down all the time? No one, not even the Doctor or Rose, has ever able to mess me up so badly. I really don't want Ianto to leave, but can I trust him again and more importantly can Ianto trust me? There's no denying that Ianto hurt m... us, but we hurt him just as badly.' Jack wanted to run a hand through his hair but as hard as he tried he just could not move a single muscle and that just aggravated him even more. How could one 21st century man make him a tangled mess of knots inside; ‘it just isn't fair!’
Jack knew the moment the spell wore off; the almost imperceptible electrical buzz suddenly ceased to tickle his mind. This wasn’t the first time he had encountered wizards so he was quite aware that they had gotten off lucky; Ianto could have done a lot worse to them if he’d been so inclined. In fact, given how angry he was with the entire team, Jack was actually a little surprised at how lenient Ianto had been. So when Jack felt his fingers beginning to tingle so he knew it was only a matter of minutes before they were free.
Once he was able to move Jack was off like a shot tearing down into the Hub, paying no attention to Gwen who was calling after him to wait for her. All he cared about was stopping loss of the best thing that might have happened to him. By the time Jack and the others got through the cog door and came to a skidding halt in the middle of the Hub’s main floor, there was no sign of Ianto, Myfanwy or the Cyberwoman who was once Lisa Hallett. Jack felt his legs give out as he realised that Ianto was gone and they had no way of tracking him down.
It was Tosh’s gentle voice that pulled Jack back from the brink of despair. “Jack, there’s a note left here for you.” She placed a comforting hand on Jack’s shoulder, she hated to interrupt Jack, he looked stricken with loss. She was sad too, but she wasn’t nearly as close to Ianto as Jack was, if it could be said that any of them were really close to Ianto, and she knew that he would be the one to take Ianto’s unexpected disappearance very hard. Tosh shared a look with Owen as Jack accepted with shaky hands the letter she had found on her desk; there was no doubt in her mind that it was from Ianto.
Jack closed his eyes for a moment, almost dreaded reading what Ianto had to say; still he forced himself to open the envelope and pull out the neatly written letter. It took two false starts before he could read it aloud without his voice cracking with emotion.
By the time you read this I will be long gone. I would say that I won’t miss you all but that would be a lie. From the moment I joined Torchwood Three you all made it crystal clear that I was not wanted nor would I ever truly be a member of your team, yet I still came to care about you all, if you knew anything about my past - if you had ever lowered yourselves enough to ask - you would know that that is a very big deal.
I do not regret what I did to save Lisa. You were wrong Jack; my Lisa was still in there, fighting to survive until her very last breath. You don’t know how many times she begged me for death, pleaded with me to release her from the pain and fear of what was happening to her, but I couldn’t grant that wish for her, not until tonight. I Ironically in the end, it was Lisa herself who finally made me realise that my Lisa was truly lost to me. With her help I did what I needed to do; I finally found the strength to end her suffering.
Tonight was the last night you will ever see me, so I guess I can share a few truths with you all.
You were right Jack, I did lie to you, so many lies but I guess the first place to start is my name. I’m not Ianto Jones, no; I was born Draco Malfoy.
My second secret, well my father was not a master tailor; no he was a Death Eater.
Oh yeah and I’m a wizard although you might have guessed that one by now.
Now before you start with all that magic is not real nonsense, I am telling you now it is very real. Magic is everywhere. I am a wizard. The only reason I am telling you this all is because even with this knowledge there is no way you will ever find me.
Before Lisa, all my past loves have been of the male gender. Gender has never mattered to me, no who I fall for is what is on the inside; I always seem to fall for those as broken inside as me.
Except for Lisa, oh she was a breath of fresh air for my poor broken heart. Untouched by the darkness that exists in both the muggle and wizard world, she was my light.
And I made her suffer. In my stupid attempts to save her and maybe even myself, I made her suffer for months in agonizing pain. I wish I could have been stronger and let her go, but I was afraid to lose the one thing that was keeping me sane.
Now with Lisa gone and my future in Torchwood cloudy, I can’t help but wonder if it is time to leave behind the muggle world and return to the wizard world.
Because in truth there is nothing keeping me here anymore. What I am supposed to stay here for, a team that barely knows I am alive unless they want something like a file or cup of coffee or should I stay for a leader who only sees me as a convenient warm body?
No, there is nothing left here for me.
I think it is time for Ianto Jones to disappear into the night and for Draco to return to the wizarding world I left behind.
I am taking Myfanwy with me because to be honest I don’t trust any of you to take care of her. None of you can even throw out your garbage and I’m supposed to trust you all to look after her? I’m not taking that chance.
So since this is the last time I will ever see any of you, I guess it’s time to tell you all what I truly think.
Owen, you are a bastard in every sense of the word; you deliberately made my life miserable, you took so much joy in making every day a living hell. You treated me like dirt and never hid that you didn’t like me, and strangely enough, I actually respect that about you. You may be a jerk but I hope you find someone who will make you act more human.
Gwen, you are the complete opposite of Owen. With your insincere smiles and sickeningly sweet comments, you tried to act like my friend but only when you needed me to do your paperwork or fetch your dry cleaning or clean up your messes. You claim that you are the heart of Torchwood, the one thing that makes it human, but trust me when I tell you that you sure as hell didn’t live up to that ideal. You made it perfectly clear at every opportunity that you saw Toshiko and I as beneath you.
You know, for someone who loves to rub in the fact that she’s in a committed relationship you sure do make cow-eyes at other men - namely your boss - when you think no one is looking. You seem to believe that you are someone special because you work for Torchwood, well let me be the first to tell you Gwen that you’re not. Oh, and a little word of warning, you and Rhys aren’t going to last, not with your ridiculous desire to sleep with Jack or the blatant lies you will soon be telling to cover up your affairs.
You want to be Torchwood? Well soon you will be; you’ll be just as cold and lonely as the rest of us in no time, that is if you survive that long. Your belief that your way of thinking is always the right one and the way you constantly question orders at the worst possible time is going to get someone killed, either you, one of the others or an innocent.
Tosh, I think you and I could have been friends. You remind me of my first real friend, he was shy and quiet but in the end he turned out to be one of the biggest heroes it has ever been my honour to meet and I see that in you Tosh. You are an amazing woman and deserve to find your one true love. I know you have your eye on someone but he is most definitely not worth it and I hope you find someone who will love and worship you like you deserve.
Jack, I think out of everyone I will miss you the most. I think we might have gone beyond our casual arrangement and become so much more. Which leads to my third biggest secret and it is tied to the one moment that I wish I’d made another choice. I’m talking about the moment we all have, the moment we will always wonder what would have happened if we made a different choice.
My moment is the day I left the wizarding world behind and joined Torchwood.
I know for certain that several things would never have taken place. Meaning I would have never met Cantelina or Lisa,
Or you, Jack,
And the moment that thought passes through my mind, it shatters my already broken heart even more.
I will never regret loving Lisa or Cantelina. What I will regret is how deeply I hurt you. I was told by a good friend that I would meet the one I was destined to be with but it would be a time of great suffering and heartbreak for me. Lisa is and will always be the only woman I will ever love and I was so sure that Cantelina would be the only man I would ever love. But I was wrong. I think if things had been different I would have learned to love you Jack, but I guess we will never know.
I hope someday we will be able to work past this betrayal but as we will not see each other again, I doubt that will ever happen.
Ianto Jones.
Jack felt his heart stop beating for a moment, he never knew why he was so attracted to Ianto; from the moment they’d met he had been drawn to Ianto like a moth to a flame. Unfortunately he feared that if he let Ianto in he just might be willing to give up waiting for the Doctor and he couldn't let that happen so despite his attraction, he had kept Ianto at a distance. Now he might have lost his chance at ever having Ianto Jones or Draco Malfoy as he's truly known.
'I'm so sorry Ianto, I hope someday when this pain has healed and the anger, pain and betrayal we are both feeling at this moment has faded we can meet up again and explore what could have been between the two of us.'
******
Narcissa knew that her boy was utterly broken the moment he appeared in her home. "Oh my poor boy what has happened to you?" she asked as she moved to hug him.
Ianto went willingly into his mother's arms, sinking into her warmth and letting his mask fall away to become the little lost boy that only she knew existed. "I should have never left here, being hated and an outcast would have been so much better than this pain." But even as Ianto said those words he knew they weren't true; he would never regret loving Cantelina or Lisa or knowing Jack.
******
Sliding his hand wearily across his face, Jack winced as his fingers brushed across the cut on his lip that had been left from Ianto's punch, curiously it still hadn't healed. "What else are you keeping from me Ianto? And will I ever get the chance to learn the real you or are things far too damaged between us?" Jack knew that it wasn't fair to want to know everything there was to know about Ianto and while keeping himself a complete mystery but before he could reveal his true self he needed to know that he could trust Ianto and then maybe, just maybe if he let Ianto in just a little they could start fresh. But for now he would have to settle for letting Ianto go until the pain healed for the both of them.
"We will meet again, Ianto Jones, this I promise you." .
So when he found Lisa half-converted, writhing in pain, begging him to help her, and screaming for release, Ianto didn't think twice. In an instant he used his magic for the first time in his muggle life to help her the best he could, to sooth her pain the best he could as he moved her. He vowed to himself that he would save her or die trying, never once wondering after it was all said and done, if it was truly his beautiful Lisa or just his enemy using her face and memories to fool him. He would never know.
Through sheer force of will, Ianto Jones managed to get into Torchwood Cardiff where he found himself doing things that as Draco Malfoy he would never had been able to lower himself to do. Without saying a world, he took care of and cleaned up after those who were supposed to be his teammates; looking back, he should have known that he would never truly be one of them. He was the invisible shadow and that was exactly how he liked it; after all, he just needed to stay at Torchwood Three long enough to save and fix Lisa. In order to do that he needed to figure out which alien devices worked the best with his magic because he couldn't heal her on his own and besides, Torchwood had done this to her and Torchwood would fix her.
What Ianto hadn't counted on was Captain Jack Harkness, the flirty leader of Torchwood Three and a gorgeous example of manhood who made his pulse race in ways Lisa never had. In fact, only Cantelina had ever made him this way, but Jack was nothing like Cantelina and Ianto refused to disgrace his love's memory by comparing the two of them. From the first moment he met Jack, Ianto vowed that he would never let their flirting be anything more than a means to an end and lo and behold, his plan worked.
Of course, it helped that Jack only saw his handsome young archivist when he wanted to flirt with him and since he did that with everyone, Ianto knew that he was nothing special to Jack. So no matter what Jack said or did, Ianto firmly ignored the little voice in the back on his head that said Jack was so much more and that was why it hurt so deeply to be nothing to Jack. Still he had Lisa and that was all that mattered to him, or at least that was what he kept telling himself. But no matter what he did or said, he could not fool the one person who really saw him.
Lisa was no fool. She could see that Ianto was hurting, that the others saw him as nothing but a butler, nothing but a shadow moving through the Hub and the situation made her angry on Ianto's behalf. How they could miss seeing what an amazing man Ianto was, was simply beyond her comprehension and their ignorance only made them all the more fools in her eyes. As far as she was concerned, there wasn’t one damned one of them who deserved someone as intelligent, thoughtless and dedicated as Ianto Jones. She also felt increasingly guilty; she was the only reason Ianto had taken such a demeaning job.
As she watched him program her pain medication into the glucose and saline feeds that helped keep her alive, Lisa pleaded with him yet again, “Ianto, please, if you love me you’ll let me go.” During those times when it was truly her in control and not the Cyberman trying to trick Ianto, she did her very best to end the situation they’d found themselves in. Human Lisa refused to let the cyber components that were slowly taking over her body use Ianto as a pawn but she just wasn't that strong anymore.
Unfortunately, the times when she had enough control to try and convince Ianto to end her suffering were becoming fewer and farther between. She knew the time was quickly approaching when Lisa Hallett would cease to exist and there would be nothing but a monster left inside her metal skin.
Ianto's stubbornness was one of the things she loved most about him. She still remembered the time they’d gone camping on the Cornish coast; it had unexpectedly started pouring with rain, the temperature had dropped so they’d zipped their sleeping bags together for warmth, and when they’d awoken in the morning, they’d discovered a stray dog pissing on the outside of their tent. On the drive home, their streak of ‘luck’ had continued and they’d gotten a flat tire out in the middle of nowhere. Stubbornly refusing to call for roadside assistance Ianto had insisted that he could change the tire himself, and true to his word he had, although it had taken almost three hours.
Unfortunately, there were times when that stubbornness was blinding him to the truth, times like right now.
Ianto shook his head and gently stroked Lisa's cheek, “If I have to damn my soul in order to save you then so be it.” He had no idea how true that would turn out to be or how high of a price he would have to pay in his attempts to save Lisa.
The end truly began when Suzie killed herself and Gwen Cooper was hired to fill the sudden vacancy. For the longest time Ianto would continue to blame himself for not seeing how dark and evil the glove was or the way that it slowly corrupted Suzie until it twisted her into its puppet and made her a murderer. He knew dark magic as well any other member of the wizarding world; he had lived with it most of his life and yet somehow the glove completely escaped his attention. He had been too focused on healing Lisa to notice the insidious darkness seeping its way into Suzie's soul until it was too late to do anything to save her. Still, given how close the four original members of the team were, he thought that at least someone would have noticed.
Less than three weeks into his tenure with Torchwood Three, Ianto knew the moment Owen and Suzie started shagging, but in his mind this was nothing like the affair between Harry and Neville; there was real love between Harry and Neville. What Owen and Suzie shared was nothing but not wanting to be lonely, and despite its casual intent, it was only going to lead someone to heart break.
Unfortunately, Ianto was sad to say that that person was more than likely going to be Tosh. He knew his shy teammate had a thing for the grouchy doctor and despite the fact that he and Tosh never spoke more than a few words at a time, Ianto really did care about her and her feelings. He knew that when she realised the truth about Owen and Suzie she was going to be crushed.
When Owen and Suzie officially became something like a couple it shocked Jack and Tosh and Ianto could see that it broke Tosh’s heart just like Ianto thought it would. He personally could never understand what Tosh saw in Owen; he would never see her as anything but a friend and occasionally as a doormat. Ianto wished that Tosh would move on and find someone who would truly love her like she deserved to be loved.
In the end, the happiness she found with Owen was still not enough to save Suzie from the power of the glove. Despite the fact they weren't close Ianto did care about Suzie and he blamed himself for not feeling the evil pouring off of the glove, but at the time all his focus was on helping Lisa and making sure that the others never found her.
Once again, Ianto should have been prepared for the very worst because in his life everything falls apart it; he should have known that the worst possible scenario would come to pass because history had shown that everything good in his life usually came to an ugly end.
Ianto’s dream of helping Lisa and living happily ever after with her ended in blood and tears as Lisa was lost to the Cyberman programming and began threatening the lives of not only the Torchwood Three team but the world and all Ianto could think of was how he had once again failed someone he loved.
Never in his life had Jack felt such anger, betrayal and yes, even though he would never say it out loud, jealousy as he did staring at Ianto Jones with a gun just inches from his face. Part of Jack wanted to shoot the man who’d lied his way onto his team but the other part of him wanted to ask “why” and “how” and “did you mean any of the things you said while you were in my bed?” Instead, he growled, “You hid yourself from us!” His voice was gruff and laced with rage but underneath it was a distinct current of intense sadness; he’d thought that he and Ianto had something special between them, something that could have grown into a lifetime together.
If he could have, Ianto would have laughed at Jack’s words; it was one of the most ridiculous things he’d ever heard the man say. Jack was certainly one to talk about secrets; after all he was keeping a pretty big one from the others. 'All of them except his precious Gwen, that is.'
Ianto felt his own rage, indignation and fear for Lisa take over. His face twisted into an ugly parody of its normal placid mask as he snarled, "When's the last time any one of you asked me anything? When was the last time any of you said thank you or please? Never, that’s when! No, I clean up your shit and that's the way you like it. No questions asked, just orders and insults shouted."
Ianto had endured months of loneliness, bitterness and silence as he’d worked tirelessly in plain sight of his so-called teammates only to be blatantly ignored unless they wanted something from him. The roiling emotions that had been festering within him at being summarily dismissed only grew as he watched as Gwen was accepted into the fold while he was kept on the side line, all because of where he had worked before
Ianto had seen enough of this kind of passive-aggressive hate before; his own father, Lucius, had been an expert at ripping people to shreds with his withering glare and razor-sharp tongue. That type of intense snobbery and caste-based discrimination was one of the main reasons why he’d left the wizarding world after all.
Without warning and without Ianto even being away that it was happening, something within the quite Welshman snapped and he was once again Draco Malfoy, the Prince of Slytherin.
Ianto sneered at them, his eyes flashing and his words sharp, "You all pretend that you're better than Torchwood One and Yvonne, when the truth is you’re just as big of monsters as she was. You each judged me and then immediately commended me the moment you found out I worked for One. Never once did any of you try and hide your beliefs that Torchwood One got what they had coming to them, that every single person who worked there was an evil, heartless monster.”
“Yeah, well, if the shoe fits…” Owen snarked but his words went completely unnoticed by Ianto.
“Not one of you wanted to even think that there were good people working, that not everyone was heartless, that so many of them just wanted to do good. You may have broken all ties with Torchwood One to prove just how much better you are, but you proved yourselves just as cynical, self-serving and contemptuous when it fell by making sure you were the first ones on site. You thought scavenging the ruins for whatever was left was all that mattered so you completely and deliberately ignored the agonising pain and suffering of the survivors.”
It didn’t escape Ianto’s notice that while Owen merely snorted derisively, Toshiko suddenly turned white with shock and then red with embarrassment as she muttered, “How do you know what we did?”
“Tell me oh mighty Captain Jack Harkness, if you're so big on being better than Yvonne Hartman, tell me just what exactly did you do to ease the suffering of the survivors? Besides taking in poor, pathetic little Ianto Jones," Ianto asked in a snarl; sarcasm dripped from every word. “Did you provide medical treatment for their injuries? Did you offer them psychological counseling for the trauma of being at the very centre of a battle between two alien species intent on world domination and destruction? Did you even attempt to Retcon any of them so they wouldn’t have to listen to the sounds of their friends screaming and dying in their heads forever?”
Jack had never seen so much pure hate directed at him by anyone and that only made him the angrier. ‘Just who the hell is Ianto Jones to judge me?’ He was the one who’d kept a Cyberman hidden in his base and he was the one who’d unleashed it on them. In some ways, Ianto was worse than One; at least most of them had been ignorant of the possible outcome of their actions. Ianto, on the other hand, knew exactly what his Cyber-girlfriend was capable of and did nothing to prevent her from taking action.
Drawing himself up to his full height, Jack looked down his nose at Ianto; "Right, because you're the one to preach about how kind and caring Torchwood One was when you hid that thing in my base. What were you planning, Ianto? Were you going to finish what Yvonne started? Were you some kind of secret back-up plan in case One failed to destroy the human race? Is that what that monster in my vaults was, insurance that Cybermen would rule the world?” Jack wanted to get a rise out of Ianto so he added a leering grin to the next sentence. “I'll admit the metal bikini was a nice touch."
Even though he saw the punch coming the force of the blow still sent him reeling back several feet and if it hadn’t been for Tosh and Owen’s support, he might have landed on his shapely arse. Jack felt his jaw tingling and he reached up to touch it gingerly; Ianto had held nothing back.
Ianto glared at Jack his eyes burning with the deepest hatred he’d ever felt towards another living being; truth was, he hadn't bother to stop himself from putting a little of his magic into his hit. 'Won't it be a surprise when Jack finds he's not healing as fast as he normally would,’ he couldn’t resist a wee bit of gloating. "Don't you dare talk about Lisa like that! She was one of the good ones! Do you want to know how I came to join Torchwood in the first place? It's not like any of you ever cared enough to ask before, so why don't I just tell you. I was in love with a wonderful man only he wasn't a human man, he was an Ederoi, his name was Cantelina and Torchwood One killed him. They tortured him for days, doing everything they could to destroy him mind, body and soul, and then when they were through having fun, they murdered him in cold blood simply because he was alien."
The small room went silent as the team could only stare at Ianto in horror (Tosh), sympathy (Gwen), disbelief (Owen) and understanding (Jack). Things were much worse than they’d previously thought and there was an immediate realisation that they were all guilty of not taking the time to talk to Ianto, to get to know him. From the moment he’d walked through the front door it was simply understood that he was Torchwood One and that was all they needed to know: he was not one of them.
With a character trait they were quickly learning was normal for Gwen, their newest member bluntly asked, "If they killed your lover then why did you stay with Torchwood? Didn't it seem wrong to work for them given that they’d just killed someone you claimed to love?"
Ianto stiffened and his icy glare burned holes into Gwen until it forced her to start shifting uncomfortably as the rage burned even brighter in his blue eyes. His voice was carefully controlled as he spoke, “The man I loved died lying through his teeth for the sole purpose of saving my life, knowing the whole time that there was no guarantee he would be successful in keeping me from suffering the same fate that awaited him. Cantelina claimed that he was a powerful psychic and that from almost the moment we’d met I had been completely under his mind control. His story never changed, but Yvonne was smart and she didn't fully believe his story, so I was encouraged shall we say, to join Torchwood One so they could keep an eye on me.
“I consider myself very fortunate that Lisa Hallett was assigned as my handler, because she treated me like a human being as so did many of the others; I had lost my world and they worked selflessly to help me find a new one. Then, despite warnings from her own employees that she was ignoring the dangers of playing with the unknown, Yvonne released hell on earth. Her blind insistence on and insane determination to restore the British Empire to its former glory resulted in the war between the Daleks and the Cybermen.”
Out of the corner of his eye Ianto noticed the way Jack flinched as if in pain at the word Dalek and in the back of his mind he tucked away a question for later. He then looked at each person in the room, one by one, before continuing. ”I watched as everyone I cared was savagely destroyed, my world burned to ashes around me. Do any of you have any idea what that is like? To lose everyone you've ever cared for in one swift moment and worse, to be helpless to stop any of it from happening?" Ianto demanded harshly.
Those last few words broke through Ianto’s stoic mask of anger, his voice letting loose the soul-deep pain he was carrying not only for Torchwood One but also for the war he had been forced to fight in when he was younger. "I have lost everything and you all stand here and condemn people you didn't even know.” He paused and drew in a deep breath, again looking at each member of Torchwood Three; it didn’t escape his notice that not one of them could look him in the eye. “You know what? I take it back; you lot are worse than Yvonne could have ever been." In that moment of crystal clarity, Ianto knew he was done with Torchwood; he couldn't take the pain anymore, this was worse than anything the wizarding world could do to him.
Still, he owed it to Lisa… to the memory of Lisa to give her the ending she had begged him for so many times.
Jack noticed the distinct change in Ianto the moment it happened; the rage and anger fell away and a cold and hard mask claimed his face. Jack felt an icy chill crawl down his spine; the look was one that he'd seen many times on the battlefield on the faces of soldiers who had decided they had nothing left to lose.
Ianto straightened his shoulders, stiffened his spine and stared directly at Jack. "I shall do my duty and take care of the threat that is Lisa Hallett. I will not allow you to gun her down like a dog in the street; she deserves better than that." That was the only thing he said before he turned on his heels and walked towards the stairs that led down to the vaults. He had already decided that he would use his magic to give Lisa a simple and peaceful death, something in his heart he knew he should have done a long time ago. Now all he had to do was buy himself enough time to say good-bye and perform the spell before the rest of the team followed him downstairs.
“Ianto!” The word was out of Jack’s mouth before he could stop himself.
Ianto turned and looked at Jack, his face as expressionless as he could make it.
Jack stared hard at Ianto and while he could see the devastation in Ianto’s eyes, he also saw the firm determination there and he knew that Ianto would do what he needed to. “You have two minutes, no more and no less; if you don’t do your job and it isn’t dead by the time we get there, then not only will we end that thing but you as well,” Jack growled out, the promise in his voice unmistakeable.
Ianto felt a cruel smirk twist at his lips; had anyone from the wizarding world been present they would have known immediately that Ianto Jones, the pushover Tea-Boy was no more and in his place, Draco Malfoy, the prince of Slytherin had made his return. “Oh trust me, Harkness; I could end you all before any of you could even reach for your gun,” Ianto purred and his eyes began flashing dangerously as his tight hold on his magic slowly began to unravel. He was no longer going to be walked all over; it was time for him to start fighting back.
Struck by the sudden chill in the air as much as by the sense of unlimited potential that cracked through the air, Jack shivered and out of the corner of his eye he could see Tosh, Owen and Gwen do the same and step closer together as waves of raw power rolled off of Ianto and over them. As his grip tightened on his gun, Jack abruptly realised that not only was he finally seeing the real Ianto but that Ianto was far more dangerous than he originally appeared to be. The immortal couldn’t help but wonder what else they had missed about Ianto. ‘If anyone has a reason for hating Torchwood it’s Ianto and yet here he is still fighting and keeping Cardiff safe.’ Still Jack knew better than to let Ianto see that he was getting to him. "I'd like to see you try."
Ianto's eyes flashed with near-blinding ice-blue sparks. "Trust me” he sneered. “I've taken on bigger and scarier than you four and defeated them with ease. The only one of you that could prove any challenge at all is you, Jack, and maybe Tosh, but I know you, Toshiko, and you can't kill unless what you’re facing is a danger and I am proving to be a danger."
"Hey! Don't you dare take me or Owen lightly!” Gwen tried not to screech but her words were still overly loud. “Jack trained me personally and I’m much more of a threat than you could ever be!” She was tired of being over-looked by Ianto Jones; she was no longer a simple copper, she was a Torchwood Agent and Jack’s second-in-command and by god, she was due respect.
Ianto snorted out a derisive laugh. “Oh please, you call that grope session a shooting lesson? Something was close to being released but it wasn’t your skill with a gun,” Ianto mocked. “That little bit of CCTV footage has become one of Owen’s favourite wank videos.”
“OI!” Owen bellowed as Gwen spun around and punched the medic as hard as she could.
Everyone could only blink in shock at Ianto; this was not the Ianto they had gotten to know, but then again there was clearly just so much they truly did not know about the quiet young archivist and this could just be how he truly was.
Ianto's eyes narrowed even further as he felt the tingling, comforting presence of his wand tucked away safely in the sleeve of his suit. With a well-practiced move he slipped it down into his hand, then gave a flick of his wrist while the familiar spell fell from his lips and Ianto managed to freeze his teammates instantly. With them out of his way he could deal with Lisa properly. He would be able to say good-bye and give her a quick, merciful and painless death; it was what he owed her after all.
The young wizard was wracked with guilt; he had been so sure he would be able to save her that he never once thought she might have been right, that she couldn't hold back the programming. He understood now that she knew what was coming and that she wanted death before the implants could turn her into a killing machine and to his eternal shame, Ianto had failed her.
Now however, he’d been given a second chance. Ianto would do what was right and then he was done with the Muggle world; it brought him nothing but heartbreak.
Jack could only watch helplessly from within the binding spell that Ianto had put them under as his mysterious employee turned on his heels and stalked into the depths of the Hub. It seemed like a thousand different thoughts were running through Jack's mind, all fighting for attention, but the one way out in front of the pack was that Ianto Jones was a wizard.
‘What else have I missed when it comes to Ianto Jones?’
******
As he walked across the Hub’s floor toward the stairs down to the vaults, Ianto could hear Myfanwy rustling around up in her nest and he was filled with an overwhelming sense of relief to know that she was alright. He wasn't sure if he would ever be able to forgive Jack for setting her on the Cyberwoman, she could have been badly hurt. Murmuring a soft spell under his breath he locked down the Hub from the rest of the world, either he would leave or neither one of them would ever walk out of the Hub.
"Ianto."
Ianto stilled completely as Lisa's mechanical voice sounded from the stairs, but as he stared at her he suddenly felt his heart crack as he realised that he was looking at his Lisa. "Lisa, I am so sorry, please forgive me," he pleaded his voice cracking.
A small smile appeared on Lisa's lips and for just a moment love replaced the pain that was always in her eyes. "There is nothing for me to forgive Ianto, but you must forgive yourself. You must also promise me that you will continue to live your life and find love again." Lisa loved him with all her heart and she didn't want to leave this world until she knew that Ianto would be okay.
Ianto didn't want to make that promise; love was not for him, not as Draco Malfoy or Ianto Jones, but he couldn't deny the giving Lisa last thing she would ever want from him. "I'll do my best… for you, Lisa."
A single tear rolled down Lisa's cheek as she smiled back weakly at Ianto. "I will always love you whether you are Ianto Jones or Draco Malfoy, never forget that." Closing her eyes against the look of devastation she could see in his eyes, she pleaded, "Please, Ianto, please end this before I lose my control over this monster living inside of me."
It was the hardest thing Ianto ever had to do as he whispered the forbidden spell that would end Lisa’s life forever. He forced himself to watch as the killing curse hit her directly in her heart and in less than a heartbeat, it was over; Lisa Hallett was finally at rest. Ianto forced his tears back; before he could lose himself to grief he knew he needed to dispose of the Cyberwoman, and so, burying his emotions as deeply as he could Ianto carried the body of his girlfriend down to the incinerator. Then, as a solitary mourner, he stood watch as the shell of the Cyberwoman burned; a single tear his only showing of the grief that was slowly ripping his soul apart.
Ianto knew he couldn't stay at Torchwood any longer, death clung to Torchwood and to everything and everyone associated with it like a shadow just waiting for the moment when it could swallow him whole. Ianto had no more reason to stay within easy reach of death's waiting embrace, not now. A bitter laugh escaped Ianto's lips as he realised that Jack had been correct when he’d said he had hidden himself from them.
'Truth is, Jack, you have no idea how right you were. Everyone has secrets, I just happen to have a few more than most people.'
As he slowly entered the main Hub and sank down into the closest chair, Myfanwy's worried call was the only thing to stop Ianto from sinking into his depressing thoughts. Ianto blinked as he realised that he had been so lost in thought he hadn't even noticed when Myfanwy had landed on the ground until she gently nudged her beak against his shoulder. "I can't stay here, my sweet girl, but I can't leave you here either. What do you say, beautiful, do you want to come with me?" There was no way Ianto could entrust Myfanwy to a man who had used her as a weapon of death; after all he was the only one who had ever looked after her properly and he was the only one she had responded to nicely.
A happy chirp came from Myfanwy and Ianto had to smile at her as she peered at him with her head cocked to one side. At least he wouldn't be alone, not with Myfanwy with him. "Well come on then, old girl; there is still a little work to do before we can leave Torchwood behind for good. I’ll give you a treat when we’re all done, how does that sound?" The pteranodon clacked her beak loudly and gave a grumbling purr deep in her throat; she knew what the word ‘treat’ meant.
Ianto did his best to ignore the pain in his heart that he might never see Jack Harkness again, but he had to convince himself that it was for the best. There was just too much unpleasantness between them now for it ever to work out. A single tear rolled down Ianto’s cheek as he came to his decision. Leaving Torchwood and the muggle world was the best - the only - option for him.
Even if it didn’t feel like it was a coward’s way out, he still couldn’t stay where Lisa’s memory was everywhere.
Or worse, where everything reminded him of what might have been with Jack.
Despite the fact that every inch of his body hurt and his head was beginning to ache, Ianto forced himself to get up from his seat and move. He would have given anything to curl up with Myfanwy in her aerie, let the growing numbness take his body and just give into the endless darkness that was calling him. But Ianto couldn’t do that, it wouldn’t be what Lisa wanted and it would hurt those few who cared about him too greatly. Ianto sighed deeply; he was just so tired of hurting people.
Closing his eyes Ianto slowly massaged his temples trying to ward off the growing headache. Before he could do anything about to returning to the wizarding world he needed to make a plan to deal with Jack’s choice.
Ianto Jones had learned one very important fact on his fist day of indoctrination into Yvonne Hartman’s world: there were only two ways out of Torchwood: death or Retcon. He refused to let Jack or any other member of his team kill him and he’d be damned if he’d allow Jack to steal his memories of Lisa from him. Memories of her were all he had left. So he devised a third option; he would leave the muggles behind and return to a world where they could never touch him. The more he thought about it, the more Ianto knew he was making the right choice, just as he knew that his mother, godfather, Neville and Luna would help him.
'It isn’t fair!’ he silently raged. ‘The first true good things in my life, the first people to ever truly love me, were ripped cruel away from me. First Cantelina, my love and my world, there were days I wished I had died as well. Then I met Lisa and she breathed new life into me, only it wasn't to last. My world turned to ash the day the Cybermen came to our world.' In his heart, Ianto could see that everything he had fought for, everything he had done to save Lisa was for nothing; in the end he had failed her, just as he failed Cantelina.
‘Nothing matters in any more, not with her gone. Maybe I should just return to the wizarding world and face my punishment and accept the Dementor’s Kiss; it would be less painful than living in a world without Lisa and Cantelina.' Ianto was utterly broken in heart, mind, body and soul. In just over fifteen months, Torchwood had done something that the wizarding world failed to do in 21 years; they had broken the once prideful prince of Slytherin. For the first time since he lost both his loves, Ianto mourned for everything and everyone that had been taken from him.
*****
Neville knew something was wrong the moment that Luna ended up in his apartment with a haunted look in her eyes.
"What's wrong? What's happened?" Neville asked placing his hands on her shoulders.
Luna shook her head. "He's finally been broken, Neville; he's going to need us." She didn't need to say who; there was only one person she could be talking about.
'Draco, something has happened to Draco!' Neville felt worry filling him. "I'll be ready in a few moments. I just need to know Luna, how bad is it?"
Luna looked utterly shattered as she informed him, "He would welcome the Dementor’s Kiss, he thinks he has earned it."
Neville paled and nearly collapsed. 'What could have happened to have broken his friend so badly?'
“What he did, he did because he was blinded by love. He loves more deeply than even he realises he is capable of and he will always fight against the hopeless and the impossible but this time it has broken him completely,” Luna whispered softly to Neville.
“Well then it’s a good thing he has us to help him get through this pain,” Neville reassured Luna, he could see that she was hurting just as much as Draco was no doubt feeling.
******
Jack was utterly torn. He knew what he should do and that was follow Torchwood’s protocols and either kill Ianto Jones or Retcon him. Yet something within his heart stopped him from choosing either option.
Jack wasn't sure how long he and the others remained locked in the freezing spell Ianto had left them under, although Jack did have to give Ianto credit for freezing them around the lift’s paving stone, which meant they were invisible to everyone passing by on the Plass. He knew that they wouldn’t be free to move until Ianto was finished with whatever he was doing down below them. However, being frozen wasn’t all that bad; it gave Jack some precious quiet time to think about how he and the others had treated Ianto from the moment he’d started.
To his shame, Jack realised that the younger man was right; he couldn’t deny that they had never taken the time to include him in any of their activities, not in a team night out at their local or even a simple game of basketball in the Hub. As one they had cast Ianto aside as if he were nothing more than a slave and to make matters worse, during those odd moments when they did interact with in Ianto, never once had he or Owen masked their hatred of and total contempt for Torchwood One and by extension, Ianto Jones.
‘It’s no wonder Ianto felt like he couldn’t trust us with the truth,’ Jack thought mournfully, ‘and now it might be too late to make things right.’
There was simply no denying the fact that Ianto did indeed betray them, but in a way they betrayed him first. They had taken advantage of Ianto’s amazing skills, including coffee-making, organisation and anticipating their every need, without once acknowledging the man behind them with so much as a nod. He did so much for them - essential tasks as well as thoughtful gestures - and not one of them had ever offered him the slightest bit of thank you.
Learning the truth about how Ianto came to join Torchwood One had had a sobering effect on Jack; like him, Ianto hadn't joined willingly and after everything Yvonne and her minions had taken from him Ianto should have hated them more than anyone else but he still defended them. If he could have moved, Jack would have hung his head in his hands; he didn't know what to do anymore. He knew that sooner or later he was going to have to go and see Ianto; they needed to talk and there were decisions to be made. Now he just needed to work up the courage to do it.
'What is it about Ianto Jones that makes me feel so confused and upside down all the time? No one, not even the Doctor or Rose, has ever able to mess me up so badly. I really don't want Ianto to leave, but can I trust him again and more importantly can Ianto trust me? There's no denying that Ianto hurt m... us, but we hurt him just as badly.' Jack wanted to run a hand through his hair but as hard as he tried he just could not move a single muscle and that just aggravated him even more. How could one 21st century man make him a tangled mess of knots inside; ‘it just isn't fair!’
Jack knew the moment the spell wore off; the almost imperceptible electrical buzz suddenly ceased to tickle his mind. This wasn’t the first time he had encountered wizards so he was quite aware that they had gotten off lucky; Ianto could have done a lot worse to them if he’d been so inclined. In fact, given how angry he was with the entire team, Jack was actually a little surprised at how lenient Ianto had been. So when Jack felt his fingers beginning to tingle so he knew it was only a matter of minutes before they were free.
Once he was able to move Jack was off like a shot tearing down into the Hub, paying no attention to Gwen who was calling after him to wait for her. All he cared about was stopping loss of the best thing that might have happened to him. By the time Jack and the others got through the cog door and came to a skidding halt in the middle of the Hub’s main floor, there was no sign of Ianto, Myfanwy or the Cyberwoman who was once Lisa Hallett. Jack felt his legs give out as he realised that Ianto was gone and they had no way of tracking him down.
It was Tosh’s gentle voice that pulled Jack back from the brink of despair. “Jack, there’s a note left here for you.” She placed a comforting hand on Jack’s shoulder, she hated to interrupt Jack, he looked stricken with loss. She was sad too, but she wasn’t nearly as close to Ianto as Jack was, if it could be said that any of them were really close to Ianto, and she knew that he would be the one to take Ianto’s unexpected disappearance very hard. Tosh shared a look with Owen as Jack accepted with shaky hands the letter she had found on her desk; there was no doubt in her mind that it was from Ianto.
Jack closed his eyes for a moment, almost dreaded reading what Ianto had to say; still he forced himself to open the envelope and pull out the neatly written letter. It took two false starts before he could read it aloud without his voice cracking with emotion.
By the time you read this I will be long gone. I would say that I won’t miss you all but that would be a lie. From the moment I joined Torchwood Three you all made it crystal clear that I was not wanted nor would I ever truly be a member of your team, yet I still came to care about you all, if you knew anything about my past - if you had ever lowered yourselves enough to ask - you would know that that is a very big deal.
I do not regret what I did to save Lisa. You were wrong Jack; my Lisa was still in there, fighting to survive until her very last breath. You don’t know how many times she begged me for death, pleaded with me to release her from the pain and fear of what was happening to her, but I couldn’t grant that wish for her, not until tonight. I Ironically in the end, it was Lisa herself who finally made me realise that my Lisa was truly lost to me. With her help I did what I needed to do; I finally found the strength to end her suffering.
Tonight was the last night you will ever see me, so I guess I can share a few truths with you all.
You were right Jack, I did lie to you, so many lies but I guess the first place to start is my name. I’m not Ianto Jones, no; I was born Draco Malfoy.
My second secret, well my father was not a master tailor; no he was a Death Eater.
Oh yeah and I’m a wizard although you might have guessed that one by now.
Now before you start with all that magic is not real nonsense, I am telling you now it is very real. Magic is everywhere. I am a wizard. The only reason I am telling you this all is because even with this knowledge there is no way you will ever find me.
Before Lisa, all my past loves have been of the male gender. Gender has never mattered to me, no who I fall for is what is on the inside; I always seem to fall for those as broken inside as me.
Except for Lisa, oh she was a breath of fresh air for my poor broken heart. Untouched by the darkness that exists in both the muggle and wizard world, she was my light.
And I made her suffer. In my stupid attempts to save her and maybe even myself, I made her suffer for months in agonizing pain. I wish I could have been stronger and let her go, but I was afraid to lose the one thing that was keeping me sane.
Now with Lisa gone and my future in Torchwood cloudy, I can’t help but wonder if it is time to leave behind the muggle world and return to the wizard world.
Because in truth there is nothing keeping me here anymore. What I am supposed to stay here for, a team that barely knows I am alive unless they want something like a file or cup of coffee or should I stay for a leader who only sees me as a convenient warm body?
No, there is nothing left here for me.
I think it is time for Ianto Jones to disappear into the night and for Draco to return to the wizarding world I left behind.
I am taking Myfanwy with me because to be honest I don’t trust any of you to take care of her. None of you can even throw out your garbage and I’m supposed to trust you all to look after her? I’m not taking that chance.
So since this is the last time I will ever see any of you, I guess it’s time to tell you all what I truly think.
Owen, you are a bastard in every sense of the word; you deliberately made my life miserable, you took so much joy in making every day a living hell. You treated me like dirt and never hid that you didn’t like me, and strangely enough, I actually respect that about you. You may be a jerk but I hope you find someone who will make you act more human.
Gwen, you are the complete opposite of Owen. With your insincere smiles and sickeningly sweet comments, you tried to act like my friend but only when you needed me to do your paperwork or fetch your dry cleaning or clean up your messes. You claim that you are the heart of Torchwood, the one thing that makes it human, but trust me when I tell you that you sure as hell didn’t live up to that ideal. You made it perfectly clear at every opportunity that you saw Toshiko and I as beneath you.
You know, for someone who loves to rub in the fact that she’s in a committed relationship you sure do make cow-eyes at other men - namely your boss - when you think no one is looking. You seem to believe that you are someone special because you work for Torchwood, well let me be the first to tell you Gwen that you’re not. Oh, and a little word of warning, you and Rhys aren’t going to last, not with your ridiculous desire to sleep with Jack or the blatant lies you will soon be telling to cover up your affairs.
You want to be Torchwood? Well soon you will be; you’ll be just as cold and lonely as the rest of us in no time, that is if you survive that long. Your belief that your way of thinking is always the right one and the way you constantly question orders at the worst possible time is going to get someone killed, either you, one of the others or an innocent.
Tosh, I think you and I could have been friends. You remind me of my first real friend, he was shy and quiet but in the end he turned out to be one of the biggest heroes it has ever been my honour to meet and I see that in you Tosh. You are an amazing woman and deserve to find your one true love. I know you have your eye on someone but he is most definitely not worth it and I hope you find someone who will love and worship you like you deserve.
Jack, I think out of everyone I will miss you the most. I think we might have gone beyond our casual arrangement and become so much more. Which leads to my third biggest secret and it is tied to the one moment that I wish I’d made another choice. I’m talking about the moment we all have, the moment we will always wonder what would have happened if we made a different choice.
My moment is the day I left the wizarding world behind and joined Torchwood.
I know for certain that several things would never have taken place. Meaning I would have never met Cantelina or Lisa,
Or you, Jack,
And the moment that thought passes through my mind, it shatters my already broken heart even more.
I will never regret loving Lisa or Cantelina. What I will regret is how deeply I hurt you. I was told by a good friend that I would meet the one I was destined to be with but it would be a time of great suffering and heartbreak for me. Lisa is and will always be the only woman I will ever love and I was so sure that Cantelina would be the only man I would ever love. But I was wrong. I think if things had been different I would have learned to love you Jack, but I guess we will never know.
I hope someday we will be able to work past this betrayal but as we will not see each other again, I doubt that will ever happen.
Ianto Jones.
Jack felt his heart stop beating for a moment, he never knew why he was so attracted to Ianto; from the moment they’d met he had been drawn to Ianto like a moth to a flame. Unfortunately he feared that if he let Ianto in he just might be willing to give up waiting for the Doctor and he couldn't let that happen so despite his attraction, he had kept Ianto at a distance. Now he might have lost his chance at ever having Ianto Jones or Draco Malfoy as he's truly known.
'I'm so sorry Ianto, I hope someday when this pain has healed and the anger, pain and betrayal we are both feeling at this moment has faded we can meet up again and explore what could have been between the two of us.'
******
Narcissa knew that her boy was utterly broken the moment he appeared in her home. "Oh my poor boy what has happened to you?" she asked as she moved to hug him.
Ianto went willingly into his mother's arms, sinking into her warmth and letting his mask fall away to become the little lost boy that only she knew existed. "I should have never left here, being hated and an outcast would have been so much better than this pain." But even as Ianto said those words he knew they weren't true; he would never regret loving Cantelina or Lisa or knowing Jack.
******
Sliding his hand wearily across his face, Jack winced as his fingers brushed across the cut on his lip that had been left from Ianto's punch, curiously it still hadn't healed. "What else are you keeping from me Ianto? And will I ever get the chance to learn the real you or are things far too damaged between us?" Jack knew that it wasn't fair to want to know everything there was to know about Ianto and while keeping himself a complete mystery but before he could reveal his true self he needed to know that he could trust Ianto and then maybe, just maybe if he let Ianto in just a little they could start fresh. But for now he would have to settle for letting Ianto go until the pain healed for the both of them.
"We will meet again, Ianto Jones, this I promise you." .