zephyr (6/7)
Yoochun knows better than to worry when Junsu gets calls at 2 in the morning, familiar silhouette sitting up much too rigid in the dark as he holds the mobile to his ear, tinny voice coming from it oddly loud. Yoochun rolls over, thinks of Jaejoong and Yunho and the way Junsu doesn’t want to talk about it because angry words don’t bring people back, not even when you’re the reason they’re gone.
“No.”
One hand rubbing against the flannel of Junsu’s pajamas, fingers trailing stripes black and white in the dark against his back, Yoochun trying to make the choked tension behind the words go away.
“No,” Junsu hisses into the phone again and Yoochun retracts his hand even though he knows it’s not directed at him.
“There are other ways, better-...”
“Better ways? Oh of course there are, I’m sure we could think of at least one if we had a few days but you see, Junsu, that’s the problem. We don’t have a few days, fuck it all, I don’t think we even have a few hours. Think, just think it over for a moment. If you did, they might stop. Why pursue something so broken?”
“And if they decide to anyway?”
“At least I can say I tried.”
“Jaejoong...”
Head against cool metal, Jaejoong exhales loud, breath shuddering.
“Do this. Please. Please, Junsu.”
“You could die.” It’s soft, Yoochun tensing at the words that Junsu mumbles under his breath, shaky syllables that make Jaejoong swallow dry.
“Then it’s just a matter of dying a few days earlier.”
-----------
Yunho is wandering, aimless in empty rooms much too cold with far too many shadows in the corners grasping out at him when Jaejoong shakes him awake and he falls back into the half comfort of familiar arms too cold to have been here long.
“Good morning sunshine,”
It sounds forced, the words ambling clumsy past Jaejoong’s lips, an act that Yunho feels obliged to take and run with as well so he does, stretching into Jaejoong’s arms, the creak creak of his bones, joints something like a tired applause at his attempt to play along.
“Morning.”
Jaejoong is detached, untangling Yunho from him and standing up, archangel watching over him in the early morning light as Yunho rises after him, the sudden movement making him feel more tired than it should but the worst is yet to come, Jaejoong closing his eyes and looking past him, through him at something that isn’t really there.
“Jae..are you-...”
“I’m fine. Okay. I’m okay.”
They both don’t believe it but neither says anything, Jaejoong unfurling his wings with a soft rustle that still makes Yunho’s heart catch in his chest, clench painfully.
“Fly with me?”
Too dangerous, not now, later, why so sudden, why now
Yunho starts throwing up rational reasons, replies in his head but Jaejoong fixes his eyes on him now, a quiet sort of urgency making him give nothing but a curt nod in reply, wrap tired limbs around a lithe frame that lifts almost effortlessly into the air. They climb, wind biting skin and Yunho doesn’t dare to make a grab for the little puffs of cloud they pass, for fear of falling even though he knows Jaejoong won’t let it happen.
Stupid human fears, he thinks and Jaejoong dips into a steep dive, tearing a startled yelp from him and a short, unexpected burst of laughter from the other man.
“You aren’t scared, are you?”
“Far from it.”
“Liar.”
“So tell me how clouds feel like.”
“Oh, changing the subject now, are we? Very smooth, Yunho, very smooth.”
“So are you going to tell me?”
It’s mindless banter, Jaejoong sweeping through low clouds every now and then, the both of them emerging with droplets of condensation in their hair, bits of cloud in their lungs.
“We should do this more often,” he tells Jaejoong, arms wrapped tighter around him and Jaejoong smiles in response, glad that Yunho can’t see his face.
“Yeah. We should.”
----------
Junsu is fidgety, flipping a pen into the air, catching it four times out of ten, annoying Yoochun in the slightest way.
“Junsu.”
Four times out of eleven, Junsu bends to pick it up from the gravel, the action much too slow to feel natural.
“You don’t have to do this.”
Straightening, he flicks it into the air.
“Yes I do.”
It falls to the ground again and Junsu makes no effort to pick it up, eyes too focused on an approaching shadow in the air.
“Yes I do.”
Yoochun finds Junsu’s hand, squeezes it.
“Okay.”
---------
“Here? What are we doing-...”
Jaejoong tells him to shut up in the form of a chaste kiss, an I love you woven deftly into it as well, stepping away lightly the moment he sets Yunho down, disappearing far too fast through familiar double doors, now nothing but a moving shadow inside. Instinct makes him start towards the door but he makes it as far as the reception counter before Yoochun holds him back, firm hands on his shoulders rooting him in place as Yunho tries to piece things together, drinks in the sight of empty waiting rooms at 8 in the morning.
“He didn’t tell you, did he?”
“No, let me go Yoochun, tell me what? What is he supposed to have told me?”
“I suppose it’s for the best then.” Yoochun moves towards the door leading to the offices, observation rooms, operating theaters. Locks it before he lets go of Yunho who turns on his heel to face him angrily, demanding an answer.
“Where is Jaejoong?”
“You saw just as clear as I did, he went inside.”
“But why? Then let me in too, is there something I don’t know about?”
Yoochun is silent, weighing his words, Junsu didn’t tell him what to do next.
“What’s going on? Tell me, Yoochun, what-...”
“He thinks he can save the both of you.”
“What?”
Yoochun shifts towards the door as realization dawns, Yunho fitting the few pieces together, lunging suddenly for the door as Yoochun holds him back, tries to say that it’s for the best, try to make a little bit of sense to Yunho even when he knows it’s not going to do any good.
“Let me in, dammit, move, let me in, I’m not going to let this happen!”
“He wanted it, he wanted it himself.”
“No! Do you have any idea what you’re taking away? Do you? Let me in! Yoochun, get out of the way!”
Desperate, suddenly sick of raining blow after useless blow on a friend, Yunho stops, eyes wild and pleading.
“Please, Yoochun, please.”
“Junsu said...I can’t...”
“Please. If it was Junsu? Would you?”
And Yoochun hates this happening, hates the fact he loves Junsu far too much, that he cares far too much for his own good sometimes but Yunho is breaking, cracking and swaying dangerously, as if the effort to stand is suddenly too much to handle.
“Please. Let me see him. Just let me see him.”
--------
“Will it hurt?”
Junsu focuses on arranging his things, anything to delay, putting scalpels straight, laying needles in perfect order and Jaejoong waits for an answer.
“Yes.”
“A lot?”
“I...Jaejoong...”
‘No, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t. It’s hard enough as it already is.”
Junsu swallows and watches the syringe fill with clear liquid, holds it up to the light for a moment and Jaejoong can feel his breath catch for a moment, all the initial bravado suddenly turning around to snarl at him.
“You really-...”
“Yes. Yes, I want to do this.”
He flinches at the feel of thin metal against his skin and Junsu pauses for the briefest of moments before he slides the sharp tip into the vein, Jaejoong closing his eyes, fists clenching and unclenching tightly.
“I’m sorry.”
“There’s nothing to apologize for.”
Jaejoong lays down on his own accord, waits for the familiar drowsiness to take over, can already feel the dark spots gathering at the edges of his vision but oh, the noise, the sudden noise and the crash and Junsu’s voice escalating, Yunho no my dear Yunho, hands tearing at his wings, incomprehensible words, a hand slipped into his, a brush of lips against his and darkness swells.
Perhaps, he thinks to himself as he drifts.
Perhaps it’s not so bad after all because when it all comes down to this
(Yunho is screaming, shaking an unmoving body, Yoochun pulling him away gently, Junsu watching it all with wide eyes and a hole where his heart should be, I love you I love you I love you)
It’s all worth it.
chapter 7
“No.”
One hand rubbing against the flannel of Junsu’s pajamas, fingers trailing stripes black and white in the dark against his back, Yoochun trying to make the choked tension behind the words go away.
“No,” Junsu hisses into the phone again and Yoochun retracts his hand even though he knows it’s not directed at him.
“There are other ways, better-...”
“Better ways? Oh of course there are, I’m sure we could think of at least one if we had a few days but you see, Junsu, that’s the problem. We don’t have a few days, fuck it all, I don’t think we even have a few hours. Think, just think it over for a moment. If you did, they might stop. Why pursue something so broken?”
“And if they decide to anyway?”
“At least I can say I tried.”
“Jaejoong...”
Head against cool metal, Jaejoong exhales loud, breath shuddering.
“Do this. Please. Please, Junsu.”
“You could die.” It’s soft, Yoochun tensing at the words that Junsu mumbles under his breath, shaky syllables that make Jaejoong swallow dry.
“Then it’s just a matter of dying a few days earlier.”
-----------
Yunho is wandering, aimless in empty rooms much too cold with far too many shadows in the corners grasping out at him when Jaejoong shakes him awake and he falls back into the half comfort of familiar arms too cold to have been here long.
“Good morning sunshine,”
It sounds forced, the words ambling clumsy past Jaejoong’s lips, an act that Yunho feels obliged to take and run with as well so he does, stretching into Jaejoong’s arms, the creak creak of his bones, joints something like a tired applause at his attempt to play along.
“Morning.”
Jaejoong is detached, untangling Yunho from him and standing up, archangel watching over him in the early morning light as Yunho rises after him, the sudden movement making him feel more tired than it should but the worst is yet to come, Jaejoong closing his eyes and looking past him, through him at something that isn’t really there.
“Jae..are you-...”
“I’m fine. Okay. I’m okay.”
They both don’t believe it but neither says anything, Jaejoong unfurling his wings with a soft rustle that still makes Yunho’s heart catch in his chest, clench painfully.
“Fly with me?”
Too dangerous, not now, later, why so sudden, why now
Yunho starts throwing up rational reasons, replies in his head but Jaejoong fixes his eyes on him now, a quiet sort of urgency making him give nothing but a curt nod in reply, wrap tired limbs around a lithe frame that lifts almost effortlessly into the air. They climb, wind biting skin and Yunho doesn’t dare to make a grab for the little puffs of cloud they pass, for fear of falling even though he knows Jaejoong won’t let it happen.
Stupid human fears, he thinks and Jaejoong dips into a steep dive, tearing a startled yelp from him and a short, unexpected burst of laughter from the other man.
“You aren’t scared, are you?”
“Far from it.”
“Liar.”
“So tell me how clouds feel like.”
“Oh, changing the subject now, are we? Very smooth, Yunho, very smooth.”
“So are you going to tell me?”
It’s mindless banter, Jaejoong sweeping through low clouds every now and then, the both of them emerging with droplets of condensation in their hair, bits of cloud in their lungs.
“We should do this more often,” he tells Jaejoong, arms wrapped tighter around him and Jaejoong smiles in response, glad that Yunho can’t see his face.
“Yeah. We should.”
----------
Junsu is fidgety, flipping a pen into the air, catching it four times out of ten, annoying Yoochun in the slightest way.
“Junsu.”
Four times out of eleven, Junsu bends to pick it up from the gravel, the action much too slow to feel natural.
“You don’t have to do this.”
Straightening, he flicks it into the air.
“Yes I do.”
It falls to the ground again and Junsu makes no effort to pick it up, eyes too focused on an approaching shadow in the air.
“Yes I do.”
Yoochun finds Junsu’s hand, squeezes it.
“Okay.”
---------
“Here? What are we doing-...”
Jaejoong tells him to shut up in the form of a chaste kiss, an I love you woven deftly into it as well, stepping away lightly the moment he sets Yunho down, disappearing far too fast through familiar double doors, now nothing but a moving shadow inside. Instinct makes him start towards the door but he makes it as far as the reception counter before Yoochun holds him back, firm hands on his shoulders rooting him in place as Yunho tries to piece things together, drinks in the sight of empty waiting rooms at 8 in the morning.
“He didn’t tell you, did he?”
“No, let me go Yoochun, tell me what? What is he supposed to have told me?”
“I suppose it’s for the best then.” Yoochun moves towards the door leading to the offices, observation rooms, operating theaters. Locks it before he lets go of Yunho who turns on his heel to face him angrily, demanding an answer.
“Where is Jaejoong?”
“You saw just as clear as I did, he went inside.”
“But why? Then let me in too, is there something I don’t know about?”
Yoochun is silent, weighing his words, Junsu didn’t tell him what to do next.
“What’s going on? Tell me, Yoochun, what-...”
“He thinks he can save the both of you.”
“What?”
Yoochun shifts towards the door as realization dawns, Yunho fitting the few pieces together, lunging suddenly for the door as Yoochun holds him back, tries to say that it’s for the best, try to make a little bit of sense to Yunho even when he knows it’s not going to do any good.
“Let me in, dammit, move, let me in, I’m not going to let this happen!”
“He wanted it, he wanted it himself.”
“No! Do you have any idea what you’re taking away? Do you? Let me in! Yoochun, get out of the way!”
Desperate, suddenly sick of raining blow after useless blow on a friend, Yunho stops, eyes wild and pleading.
“Please, Yoochun, please.”
“Junsu said...I can’t...”
“Please. If it was Junsu? Would you?”
And Yoochun hates this happening, hates the fact he loves Junsu far too much, that he cares far too much for his own good sometimes but Yunho is breaking, cracking and swaying dangerously, as if the effort to stand is suddenly too much to handle.
“Please. Let me see him. Just let me see him.”
--------
“Will it hurt?”
Junsu focuses on arranging his things, anything to delay, putting scalpels straight, laying needles in perfect order and Jaejoong waits for an answer.
“Yes.”
“A lot?”
“I...Jaejoong...”
‘No, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t. It’s hard enough as it already is.”
Junsu swallows and watches the syringe fill with clear liquid, holds it up to the light for a moment and Jaejoong can feel his breath catch for a moment, all the initial bravado suddenly turning around to snarl at him.
“You really-...”
“Yes. Yes, I want to do this.”
He flinches at the feel of thin metal against his skin and Junsu pauses for the briefest of moments before he slides the sharp tip into the vein, Jaejoong closing his eyes, fists clenching and unclenching tightly.
“I’m sorry.”
“There’s nothing to apologize for.”
Jaejoong lays down on his own accord, waits for the familiar drowsiness to take over, can already feel the dark spots gathering at the edges of his vision but oh, the noise, the sudden noise and the crash and Junsu’s voice escalating, Yunho no my dear Yunho, hands tearing at his wings, incomprehensible words, a hand slipped into his, a brush of lips against his and darkness swells.
Perhaps, he thinks to himself as he drifts.
Perhaps it’s not so bad after all because when it all comes down to this
(Yunho is screaming, shaking an unmoving body, Yoochun pulling him away gently, Junsu watching it all with wide eyes and a hole where his heart should be, I love you I love you I love you)
It’s all worth it.
chapter 7