Ficlet: with venomed tooth (the substance and symbols variation)

[b_hallward]

Original story: And Not Your Yellow Hair by p-zeitgeist
AN: A missing scene, of sorts. Many thanks to Phoebe for letting me play in her marvelous universe. (Unlocked here.) Series Index here.

Comments

[ranalore]

Oh, this is very cool. The imagery, the half-distracted pace of the narrative, so fitting for Tsuzuki's mental space, the resignation that isn't quite unhappy, but isn't quite content. And as you may or may not know, this is even more interesting to me because I've considered writing a missing scene from "And Not Your Yellow Hair" about Yuma and Saya and their reaction to the "new" Hisoka, so I like to see what other people get out of the piece. There are some great implicit things in it, and the unspoken Tsuzuki/Muraki dynamic is one of the ones that intrigues me, but which I couldn't write down for myself. I'm glad you did. I really like your conclusions.

[b_hallward]

Thanks ^^ "And Not Your Yellow Hair" is such a great piece to remix; you can't help but want to step into the frame and look beyond the visible edges.

I've considered writing a missing scene from "And Not Your Yellow Hair" about Yuma and Saya and their reaction to the "new" Hisoka

This is interesting -- as it happens, I've wanted to write a reaction to the "new" Hisoka for some time, but that's one of those things I can't write *g*

[ranalore]

It really is a good one, both for how solid the characterization is and for how much of the process of getting there is left implied. Brilliant stuff.

This is interesting -- as it happens, I've wanted to write a reaction to the "new" Hisoka for some time, but that's one of those things I can't write *g*

I'm not sure I can write it either, but I still might give it a try at some point. *G*

[p_zeitgeist]

Still all with the sleep deprivation and the unanalytic squee! here, but giving in to the temptation to wave my arms around in incoherent excitement and enthusiasm anyway, because this is stunning and fascinating, and so right yet so different from anything I could have imagined or done, and eeeee!!

Your Tsuzuki just slays me. You can see the work he puts into not seeing, not thinking, not perceiving; and the way he can't quite manage it -- perception seeps in around the corners, so that he has to divert it, push it into corners like the patterns of a fork or the flow of headlights to avoid full awareness of things that he won't contemplate for long enough to even decide whether he could bear to be aware of them. And while this isn't strictly an aspect of this piece itself, it takes on extra levels of pity and terror by being read in proximity to "A Deep So Profound." Death and depression are bad enough, but it's a whole different kind of cliff to fall off when you're aware of what Tsuzuki has cause to fear it would mean for him

[b_hallward]

I knew you wouldn't mind it being different, but I'm incredibly relieved you like it all the same.

takes on extra levels of pity and terror by being read in proximity to "A Deep So Profound."

I am strangely delighted to hear you say this, and it shows how closely your reading parallels my intentions, since they were in fact conceived (though clearly not executed) as a drabble trilogy, the unposted first portion of which I could never cut down to a drabble or happily stretch to a double drabble, which is why they're all out of order. You have no idea how much you've just made my day. *g* Though I suppose having parted ways with the drabble for this, there's no reason not to let the other stand at its non-drabble word count.

Death and depression are bad enough, but it's a whole different kind of cliff to fall offYep, that's my take on Tsuzuki in a nutshell. Accept this one thing and suddenly everything he does -- his angst, his guilt, his relentless superficiality, self-negating passivity and rejection of power -- it all starts

[p_zeitgeist]

I am strangely delighted to hear you say thisAnd now I'm the one who's incredibly relieved. You'd think that by now I'd have something more in the way of confidence that I'm likely to be reading your work more or less as you intended it. Or at the very least, that if I'd found something you didn't intend, like an unplanned synergy between two stories, you wouldn't mind my pointing at it and getting all excited about it. But no; some part of me seems determined to worry about getting it all not merely wrong, but in some inexplicable way *offensively* wrong

[b_hallward]

Even if it hadn't been planned, I would still have loved to hear about the interconnection you saw. Dude: reader response. I just write them; I have nothing to do with what they mean.

determined to worry about getting it all not merely wrong, but in some inexplicable way *offensively* wrong

But, yes, that's exactly how I felt posting with venomed tooth, even though I knew it wasn't rational.

BTW, I've posted all three now -- for lo, the rebel spheres spin round, with venomed tooth, and A Deep So Profound -- and in exactly the opposite order I planned to have people read them.

Oh, and a weird LJ thing.

[p_zeitgeist]

Before I forget to mention anything at all about this -- I don't know whether this is some new-to-me LJ trick that you did deliberately, or whether LJ is being unreliable and strange in new and exotic ways. But while I can get to the drabble version by following the link on this page, the entry with the drabble in it not only never showed up on my flist, but doesn't show up for me even if I go directly to your journal. It just isn't there. It's as if it had been filtered, except for the part where if it had been I couldn't get there through the link. If you did that deliberately, it's a neat trick and I want to learn to do it too. But if you didn't, I thought you might want to know that there's a possibility that people can't see it. Also, if you didn't do it deliberately LJ should fix that, or give you more icon space in compensation or something, not that I imagine they will.

Re: Oh, and a weird LJ thing.

[b_hallward]

It was intentional. I was having a classic philosopher's donkey moment about which to post first and where, but since the drabble is just the punchline I wanted to make sure everyone read it after the longer version, if they decided to read both. (And finally decided I like the longer version better anyway.) So when I posted the drabble I just backdated it a year, since as I understand it backdated posts don't show up on friendslists. Voila!

[wordsofastory]

This is lovely. The language and images are so gorgeous, exquisite, and such a counterpoint to what is going on between Tsuzuki and Muraki, all that's implied of their relationship. I adore the twist on the Persephone myth here.

Plus, hey: fascinating discussion between you and Phoebe in the comments! I get two awesome things for one post.

[b_hallward]

#^^# I'm so pleased the nod to Persephone worked for you, particularly since I get incredibly neurotic about mythical references -- I wonder, is it too heavy handed? too obscure or labored or pretentious and on and on, until usually I just cut it in self-defense!