#07 - for bulletthestars, from your secret santa! [part 2]
Part 1.
When Shinwoo woke up he looked in his arms and saw Jinyoung curled up against him still, he looked at the marks he’d left on Jinyoung’s body and smiled. He knew Jinyoung wouldn’t be too happy about them but he liked them. He shook Jinyoung awake and was greeted by a sleepy smile and a kiss. Jinyoung got out of bed and let out a groan. “I knew I shouldn’t have let you top, we have a 2 hour flight session.” He complained, as he walked towards his en suite shower. Shinwoo pulled on his clothes on and snuck out of the room and into his own room, grabbing his towel and shower stuff to go to the communal showers. He knew he could have showered after Jinyoung but he didn’t want to give anymore hints than were needed to his illicit relationship.
When he saw Jinyoung at the aircraft hangar, Jinyoung’s eyes just scanned over him. Then looked down, Shinwoo sighed, he knew that Jinyoung was kind of hurt by his actions - he knew that Jinyoung would have been feeling raw anyway, as he exposed his true self to Shinwoo but somehow Shinwoo had expected the Squadron Leader to have faced it with his tough alter ego.
After the flight practice Jinyoung went back to his office without saying a word. Shinwoo sighed and knocked on the door, and was granted permission to enter. Jinyoung looked up at him and then down. “Ah, Dongwoo.” Jinyoung said, the voice was similar to the one he had used the night he had left the boot camp.
“Don’t use that tone with me Jinyoung.” Shinwoo said, walking further into the room and looking directly at Jinyoung who was looking anywhere but at the man before him. “I understand that you’re a little hurt I left. But really if we’re going to keep it a secret then I need to shower with the guys.”
“I don’t want to keep it a secret.” Jinyoung said quietly, he looked down, “I know I will probably getting expulsed from the air force by your dad, but after last night, after we made love, I decided I couldn’t lie to everyone anymore. I know they will take you out of my squadron immediately once I tell them, because they don’t approve of couples of any gender being in the same squadron as it causes rash choices based on emotion, and I know your father will be out-raged by our audacity to make it public. I just hate lying. I am in love you with.” Jinyoung looked at Shinwoo who was looking at the ground. “I know I will lose the support of your father who has really helped me get to my position. I actually already know he will take me to trial on the grounds that I forced you into sex because of my rank. I know he will hate me. But I know that I love you, and I can’t hide it any more. I don’t want to have meetings with your father where he says things like I wish my son was like you, because I want to tell him how perfect and beautiful and strong you are and how he should be proud that he raised a son like you. I want to be able to go to yours for the holidays and meet your mom and have family dinner with your family and I want to be able to love you without having to worry about if your dad sees that love bite I gave you.”
“Jinnie. Please just stop.” Shinwoo said quietly. “I love you too, but if we tell my father, it’s over. He will not allow us to be together, he will take you to a trial, he will have you removed. He won’t stop until he has some form of proof that his son wasn’t fucking his Squadron Leader. Because this relationship is a disgrace.” Shinwoo hissed, Jinyoung just nodded and looked away from Shinwoo.
“It’s a disgrace? We’re a disgrace?” Jinyoung was holding up his strong exterior. “You should have thought about that before you said you loved me too.” He said quietly. “Now leave. I don’t want to see you now. I will file for your removal from my squadron tomorrow. If we’re a disgrace, then I’m a disgrace for loving you and I must repulse you.” Jinyoung spat. “Maybe if you weren’t so fucking scared of your dad we could have made a go of it.” Shinwoo didn’t make a move to leave. “Just leave.” Jinyoung shouted. “Now. Go!” Shinwoo stood his ground. “Please just go.” Jinyoung said softer. “Your father will be here later tonight as we have a meeting you should leave before he gets here.”
“You’re really going to dump me over this?” Shinwoo asked looking at Jinyoung. “I am just thinking of you, of your life and I’m the bad guy?” Shinwoo laughed a little. “Wow Jinyoung.”
“Can you just go already?” Jinyoung said not looking at Shinwoo. “I want you to go.” Shinwoo shook his head. “As your Squadron Leader I order you to leave this room now, pack your bags and take an early vacation.”
“No.” Shinwoo said strongly. “I won’t. I’m not leaving this room and I will not take my vacation early.” He growled looking at Jinyoung. “If you want to tell my father, go ahead and fucking tell him.” Shinwoo shouted, while Jinyoung looked at Shinwoo like he’d been shot.
“I want to tell him together.” Jinyoung said quietly. “But you know what let’s just carry on with our secret relationship, if we’re careful no one will find out.” Shinwoo knew that he’d hurt Jinyoung even more but right now he wasn’t sure what he could do. “I’m going to dinner, you can stay here for a bit if you want.” Jinyoung said blandly.
“Wait.” Shinwoo said stepping closer to the younger. “I didn’t mean what I said earlier, our relationship isn’t a disgrace. You could never repulse me, I love you.” Shinwoo said as Jinyoung looked away from him. Shinwoo sighed when Jinyoung didn’t respond instantly. It felt like hours but was actually only a few seconds.
“I love you too.” Jinyoung replied before pushing past and leaving the room. Shinwoo let out a frustrated noise and followed, he grabbed Jinyoung’s wrist and spun him around. Jinyoung looked at Shinwoo. “Let go.” Jinyoung said in a low voice. “Let go now, before someone sees.” Jinyoung hissed. Shinwoo just looked at him and shook his head. Jinyoung sighed and leant up to press his lips to Shinwoo’s. Shinwoo let go of Jinyoung’s wrist and pulled back. Jinyoung just looked at him, not a word was said but the thoughts went through both of them. Shinwoo pulled Jinyoung back into his office and kissed him hard. Jinyoung’s back pressed against the wall. Jinyoung wrapped his arms around Shinwoo’s neck pulling him closer and wrapping his legs around Shinwoo’s waist. When they both pulled back from the kiss Jinyoung just looked at him.
“I couldn’t let you go and be mad at me. I love you Jinyoung. I just, I want to tell my mom first.” Shinwoo said quietly. “If my mom sees how much we care about each other, she will help me… us… tell my dad.” Shinwoo said quietly. Jinyoung just nodded, he couldn’t argue with that, he just leant back against the wall. Shinwoo gently gave him a little kiss. “I love you, we’ll meet my mom in 6 months.”
“Christmas?” Jinyoung breathed out as Shinwoo nodded. Jinyoung just nodded, agreeing to meeting Shinwoo’s mom at Christmas. Jinyoung smiled and Shinwoo put him down. “Let’s go to dinner.” Shinwoo smiled and gave Jinyoung another fleeting kiss before allowing the younger boy to leave to go to dinner, Shinwoo had 6 months to prepare himself for the Armageddon of telling his mother about Jinyoung, because there would be no doubt that she would also assume the worst. That night the pair were snuggled up in Jinyoung’s bed, because Shinwoo had wanted to talk privately about their earlier disagreement. Jinyoung pressed his face against Shinwoo’s chest and closed his eyes, he enjoyed the safe feeling he got from being held.
“I can’t believe you almost dumped me.” Shinwoo said quietly, stroking Jinyoung’s hair, “I was just, I just panicked, you suddenly wanted our relationship out in the open. It scared me.” Shinwoo waited for Jinyoung to say something but he didn’t. “Are you even out, to your squadron?” SHINWOO asked, he knew that it would be a risk. “Because no one knows I’m gay other than you, my dad and Gongchan in the air force.” Shinwoo sighed, “I don’t want people to know, I’m not ashamed of it, I’m not ashamed of us, but I don’t see why I have to tell people I’m gay, no one goes around telling everyone they’re straight.”
“I’m out.” Jinyoung said, “I haven’t overtly told my squadron or your father, or anyone, but I don’t hide it. When we talk about ideal types, I always say I like a man who can make me smile, no one says anything, but I’m a superior, they can’t really do anything. I don’t proclaim it from the rooftops but I don’t hide it either.” Jinyoung shrugged and snuggled closer to Shinwoo.
“At least that’s a good thing.” Shinwoo said quietly. Jinyoung said nothing again and nuzzled his head against the older man’s chest. “I love you Jung Jinyoung.”
“I love you too Shin Dongwoo, now go to sleep, I’m tired and we have a long day ahead of us.” Jinyoung murmured back to Shinwoo before closing his eyes, refusing to talk anymore he just wanted to go to sleep. Jinyoung didn’t want to discuss it anymore it was a dead topic, he didn’t want to get into, when did you come out, how old were you when you knew, why isn’t your dad around, all those questions he wasn’t willing to answer - even to his boyfriend.
Jinyoung went back to being his alter ego a little, brash and strong, in front of the others, carefully instructing and leading everyone. Shinwoo would always smile to himself as he felt incredibly special to be the only person in the squadron - that he was aware of - that knew the real Jinyoung who was far more dependent than the Jinyoung who presented himself. Shinwoo began to piece together why Jinyoung would act like that, he factored in absent father, homosexual, trying to progress in the army, and then added on the hurt of his first boyfriend, but at the same time he couldn’t work out why Jinyoung had joined the army, he didn’t seem to really be in it, other than the flying - Shinwoo could tell that Jinyoung loved being in the air.
Jinyoung was revealing more about himself like the layers of an onion slowly being peeled back. Shinwoo enjoyed learning more about his boyfriend, he learnt that Jinyoung was actually a little shy, that Jinyoung was an all or nothing type of guy - this bothered Shinwoo a little, he knew that he couldn’t hold off Jinyoung from meeting his mother because Jinyoung would leave - but he never learnt anything overtly personal, every time Jinyoung’s father came up Jinyoung would say something vague and then change the subject. Shinwoo knew that when the time was right, that layer would unravel itself. They never discussed coming out but Shinwoo didn’t want to share his - bad timing - story.
As Christmas came around everyone was on tenterhooks, the war the country was fighting was getting worse and they knew the air force would soon be called into action. Shinwoo would often wake up in Jinyoung’s bed alone, he’d get up and Jinyoung would be planning or just staring out the window. Shinwoo was aware Jinyoung was having nightmares and was taking his mind off things. Shinwoo would just kiss the side of Jinyoung’s head and hold him close. “We’ll be ok Jinnie.” He’d whisper, really believing what he said.
Jinyoung had a nightmare the night before the couple were going to be leaving for Shinwoo’s house - a few days before his dad was going home -. Jinyoung woke up and walked to the window to stare out of it, after a few minutes Shinwoo woke up and walked over to Jinyoung gently wrapping his arms around the younger male. “You ok Jinnie?” Shinwoo whispered, Jinyoung didn’t move. Shinwoo kissed the side of Jinyoung’s forehead, “Baby, come back to bed, standing here won’t make it go away, and you need to get some sleep before you meet my mom.”
“What if I lose you too?” Jinyoung whispered closing his eyes and leaning onto the older man, SHINWOO just wrapped his arms around Jinyoung tightly. “I’m happy again; I don’t want to lose this.” Jinyoung held onto Shinwoo tightly. Jinyoung went quiet and then pulled back out of the hug, “you’re right we should get some sleep.” Shinwoo wanted to stop him, they did seriously need to discuss war and what can happen but he recognised that right now was not the right time.
The drive to Shinwoo’s house was quiet, Jinyoung slept most of the way - he was too nervous to do much else. Shinwoo smiled when he pulled into a rest station looking at his sleeping boyfriend, he carefully put a coat over the younger man to keep him warm, Shinwoo smiled when Jinyoung moved a little snuggling into the coat. “Sleep well baby, I’m just going to grab a coffee and some breakfast for when you wake up” he told the sleeping man before going into the rest stop.
When he came back out Jinyoung was awake - barely - and the younger smiled when the older approached with coffee and some snacks for breakfast. Shinwoo handed Jinyoung’s to him before continuing on the road. Jinyoung woke up after drinking his coffee and was soon getting nervous again.
Shinwoo pulled up outside his house and got out the car, taking Jinyoung’s hand in his and giving it a quick squeeze. The pair arrived at the door and stood there for a minute before Shinwoo rang the bell, he didn’t want to admit it but he was also extremely nervous, his mother’s opinion of Jinyoung might be a key player in how his dad reacted, so today was important to him. Shinwoo’s mom opened the door and pulled Shinwoo into a tight hug - causing Jinyoung to let go of his hand - then she turned to Jinyoung and eyed him. “Who is this?” she asked as she quickly ushered them into the house.
“This is Jinyoung Jung, he’s my boyfriend.” Shinwoo said quietly, Jinyoung introduced himself formally; Shinwoo’s mom nodded and invited them into the living room.
“Does your father know about him?” Shinwoo’s mom addressed her son, Shinwoo shook his head. “Is there a reason for that?” Shinwoo nodded. “Why?” she said plainly.
“He’s my squadron leader.” Shinwoo said plainly. Shinwoo’s mom raised her eyebrow and then just sighed.
“Your father will not be impressed.”
“I know.” Shinwoo said quietly, “and to make it worse he is one who is favoured by dad.”
“You do know what this will mean for him don’t you?”
“Yes mom! I know what dad will do. I know he is going to freak out. I know he will hate him like he hates Sandeul. I am aware that my father is homophobic, I’ve grown up with it.” Shinwoo raised his voice, but then felt Jinyoung squeeze his hand twice and he calmed down a little. “But mom, I love him and he loves me, can you please just back us up.”
Shinwoo’s mom just looked at the couple and nodded, before saying quickly, “He’s not homophobic. He didn’t like Sandeul because he knew he was holding you back. And he won’t be impressed with Jinyoung because he is your superior. He will just be embarrassed.” Shinwoo’s mom shuffled in her seat, “I assume you two share a bed, because the guest room is not ready for a guest but I could put out a blanket on the floor.”
“It’s fine mom, we share a bed.” Shinwoo said plainly, Jinyoung however blushed, he didn’t know why, he knew Shinwoo meant just sleeping but he knew that his mom would assume that if they were sharing a bed to sleep in they were also doing other things. Shinwoo took Jinyoung up to his room, Jinyoung looked around, smiling a little at the pictures, the trophies, Jinyoung smiled as he looked at photo of Shinwoo (who was 7 at the time of the photo) and his dad. “My dad had just come back from South Africa.” Shinwoo said wrapping his arms around Jinyoung’s waist and gave him a peck to the cheek. Jinyoung just nodded and leant back into his boyfriend’s arms.
“Dongwoo you’re back” Sandeul burst into the room and then laughed a little as he saw the situation in front of him, “Your mom wasn’t kidding when she said you were all loved up with an attractive man. I assume he’s the squadron leader you were telling me around, he’s shorter than I thought he would be, but he is pretty.” Sandeul said smiling at the pair, “You are coming out late night shopping with me like we always do, you can bring cutie pie over here but we’re going tonight so you two better get ready.” Sandeul then left the room, Shinwoo laughed a little.
“That’s so him, do you want to shower before we go out?” Jinyoung nodded and Shinwoo took him through into the bathroom and showed him how to work the shower, Jinyoung smiled and wrapped his arms around Shinwoo’s neck, giving the older boy a deep kiss.
“Shower with me.” Jinyoung said against the older boy’s lips before giving him a peck and pulling back from the kiss. Jinyoung playfully stripped and looked at Shinwoo “so?” Shinwoo shook his head. “It’s just a shower, I wouldn’t suggest doing anything more in your parents’ house, especially as its general consensus that your father is going to murder me when he gets here.” Shinwoo rolled his eyes and stripped, they showered and got dressed before going down to see Sandeul was downstairs telling Shinwoo’s mom how to make her cookies taste better.
The layer of snow in town was thin enough to crunch beneath their feet but thick enough to not become a layer of slush that got into their shoes, the trio visited shop after shop as Sandeul searched for a present for his mom - something he always struggled with - Shinwoo would occasionally look over at Jinyoung, who today wasn’t holding his hand. Shinwoo knew why, there were a lot of people who had grown up with Shinwoo and could tell his dad, but for today Shinwoo wanted to forget about that, so he reached over and grabbed his boyfriend’s hand.
The trio sat drinking coffee in a small café that was off the beaten track, it was quaint and was run by an old couple. Jinyoung smiled looking around at the pictures realising that Sandeul’s parents owned the café. He drank his coffee, Shinwoo’s hand resting on his thigh. “You better be treating him well” Sandeul said in between sips of his piping hot coffee. “Shinwoo is a special guy; there aren’t many of him in the world.”
Jinyoung nodded. “I know, I only fall for the best.” He laughed a little, trying to smile at Sandeul, but honestly he did feel a pang of jealousy, it wasn’t often your boyfriend was best friends with their ex so Jinyoung couldn’t help but feel a little bothered by it. He knew the story, he knew that Sandeul refused to date someone in the armed forces but sometimes people change. Jinyoung wasn’t going to let that ruin anything though, he found Sandeul to be nice enough so he did enjoy his time with him.
When they got back Jinyoung just wanted to curl up in bed and fall asleep, which he did, leaving Shinwoo downstairs with his mom, Shinwoo lay on the couch watching some Christmas movie that was played every year and was like every other monotonous Christmas film that had been made, when his mom walked in with a hot chocolate (topped with marshmallows as that was Shinwoo’s favourite), “Dongwoo” she said quietly, “did he force you into anything?” she asked quietly.
“Mom!” Shinwoo looked at her horrified. “He didn’t force me into anything, you can see how shy he is, he would never force me to do anything in our relationship, we both acted on a mutual attraction, which became love.” Shinwoo said quickly. “I’m in love with him, you can’t force that” Shinwoo’s mom just nodded.
“I had to ask, you know I did. You’re my baby, so I had to make sure he wasn’t forcing you.” She gently kissed Shinwoo’s forehead.
“Mom, did you ever get nightmares when dad was sent away or when war was approaching?” His mom nodded and asked why, “Jinyoung’s been having nightmares, and last night when he got up as usual and then I got up to bring him back to bed he held onto my and just said he didn’t want to lose me.”
“I used to have nightmares like that when your father was deployed, and even before he was. Jinyoung loves you very much if he’s that scared of losing you that he’s having nightmares.” Shinwoo smiled a little, “But it’s hard being with someone in the armed forces, have you two even talked about what happens when one of you gets deployed, because you know once your father knows you will be moved out of Jinyoung’s squadron.”
“We haven’t talked about that, yet, I want to but we don’t get to be alone together very often and he’s shattered because he’s not sleeping.”
“Dongwoo, you need to have that discussion.” His mom sighed, “You need to talk about things like this, and you need to decide if the one left behind can meet other guys while you’re away.”
“We’re in a relationship mom, we’re not just sleeping together.”
“You could be gone for a long time.”
“Still, we’re dating, we’re in an exclusive relationship,” Shinwoo put down his mug and sighed, wishing his mom good night he went upstairs to find Jinyoung staring out the window, his track pants hanging loosely off him. “You’re losing weight again.” Shinwoo said as he wrapped his arms around Jinyoung tightly, Jinyoung leant back into him. “The nightmares aren’t real.”
“But they could be.” Jinyoung breathed out, leaning back onto Shinwoo, “You could be deployed and you could be captured or killed at war, and I’ll be left behind.” Jinyoung said quietly, he turned so he was face-to-face with his boyfriend. “I love you.” Jinyoung said quietly, before giving the older man a quick peck.
“We need to talk about what if one of us gets deployed.” Shinwoosaid watching Jinyoung’s face to gage the reaction. “We need to talk about if we can meet other people, if we’re going to write to each other, phone calls, we need to talk about the deployment itself.”
“We’re dating, why would we meet anyone else? I don’t want to be with anyone but you, I’ll write to you, if I’m away I’ll call, and deployment is deployment. There talked about it.”
“Jinyoung, please,”
“There is nothing to talk about,” Jinyoung said quickly, “It’s part of our job, it happens.”
The day that SHINWOO’s father was going to arrive Jinyoung was extremely nervous, he didn’t know what to expect, he didn’t know if he would still even have a job after he met Shinwoo’s dad or if he would be taken to tribunal. The couple were sat in the lounge, Jinyoung wasn’t talking, which SHINWOO accepted as nerves, Sandeul had come round because he was helping Shinwoo’s mom cook and he was also there as some form of safety blanket. The door clicked and Jinyoung inhaled sharply, Shinwoo’s dad walked in and sat down across from them. “Your mother already told me you brought a new boyfriend home.” Shinwoo’s dad said blandly. “And I already knew there was something more to you two.” Jinyoung looked down, “I knew what Jinyoung is, but I didn’t think he’d betray my trust.”
“Dad!” Shinwoo took Jinyoung’s hand in his and squeezed it tightly. “I came onto him. He told me we couldn’t be together but I insisted.”
“You will be moved out of his squadron.” Shinwoo’s dad said blandly, “I believe you insisted Dongwoo, you’re stubborn, so I won’t dispute your relationship, but I do not want your relationship to be common knowledge.” His dad said his pride showed, the couple agreed to his dad’s terms but Jinyoung was still quiet. That night Jinyoung lay resting his head on Shinwoo’s chest, he was still being quiet but it wasn’t a scared kind of quiet.
“Having fun there?” Shinwoo teased as Jinyoung continued to draw spirals on his chest with his finger, carefully tracing them. Jinyoung looked up at Shinwoo and smiled before leaning up to give him a kiss. Shinwoo smiled against Jinyoung’s lips and they just looked at each other. Shinwoo stroked Jinyoung’s hair. “I know it’s difficult because my dad is being difficult, but I love you, and that’s all we need.” Shinwoo kissed Jinyoung again, “Thank you for coming for Christmas.” Jinyoung just smiled and moved to get a better angle to kiss Shinwoo, kissing him deeply, for the first time not caring that Shinwoo’s parents - or worse Sandeul - could just walk in and witness the scene. Shinwoo kissed back allowing Jinyoung to take control. They both pulled back and panted while smiling at each other.
The next day the couple went to the park just to get away from Shinwoo’s father’s constant put downs. Jinyoung was more talkative out of the house and insisted that they make snow angels. They laughed as they made the snow angels and then went to have a drink to warm up in a café. They sat in a booth and smiled at each other as they sipped their hot cocoa. “Jinyoung, can I ask you something?” Jinyoung nodded and looked at Shinwoo “Why did you join the air force?”
“I knew it would lead me to you.” Jinyoung laughed a little teasing, “No, I had to get away from what had happened, and my dad ran off to the air force when I was born and was killed at war, so I thought that running away to the air force was in my blood, I don’t know, it was the only way I could think of to get me away from everything." Jinyoung shrugged a little before smiling. “I knew I wouldn’t be accepted in the air force but anywhere was better than the place I came from, and I just happened to know how to fly a plane.”
“How did you know that?” Shinwoo asked, genuinely interested.
“I went to a flight school.” Jinyoung said quietly, “My mom wanted me to have a hobby to keep me away from my boyfriend so she enrolled me in flight school. So I learned to fly and I truly do love it.”
“Me too. I love the feeling when I’m flying.” Shinwoo smiled, “I obviously learnt because of my father, I first was in a plane when I was a few months old, but the first time it was just me and my dad and the sky was when I was 5 and since then there was nothing else that I wanted to do with my life.”
“You never considered not being in the air force?”
“I knew I would end up there in the end.” Shinwoo said quietly, taking a sip of his drink. “Are you nervous about meeting my extended family this Christmas?” Jinyoung nodded. “And here I was thinking you were just a little stir crazy from not flying, or being with your plane.”
“Hey.” Jinyoung whined a little.
“I think you love that plane more than you love me.” Shinwoo teased. Jinyoung kicked him gently under the table trying not to laugh at his boyfriend, he knew that Christmas day was not going to be fun, he knew that he was going to have to behave well and probably not talk - or he might insult SHINWOO’s dad who appeared to find Jinyoung breathing offensive - “Jinnie.” Shinwoo said quietly, “I want to open each other’s presents in my room.” Jinyoung just looked at him. “You know we can’t display much affection downstairs and I think you might just want to kiss me when you open the present from me.” Shinwoo smiled flirtatiously. “I love you.” He said quietly, Jinyoung smiled and returned the statement.
Christmas day, was busy. Jinyoung had been woken up early by Shinwoo being giddy and excited to open each other’s presents. Jinyoung rolled his eyes, he didn’t realise that his boyfriend was still a child, he lay on the bed in just his loose track pants and watched as Shinwoo came back with a small present that he handed to Jinyoung. Jinyoung looked up at him, “You better not have spent a lot of money on me.” He said quietly, “I know what your salary is.” Shinwoo rolled his eyes and insisted that Jinyoung open the present. Jinyoung opened it to find a designer watch. He smiled and looked up at his boyfriend. “Thank you” he whispered before giving Shinwoo a string of short pecks. Shinwoo smiled at his boyfriend and then wrapped his arms around Jinyoung, who was now snuggling into him. “Your present is under the bed” Jinyoung whispered, before moving, leaning over Shinwoo to grab the present under the bed and handing it over. Shinwoo smiled and opened it carefully, he smiled at the presents.
“You complained about me spending money and you bought this.” Shinwoo said rolling his eyes as he looked at the Ipod touch and Ipod cover that Jinyoung had bought for him. “How did you know mine broke?”
“You used to sit with your headphones in when you were reading things in training, then you stopped. I assumed it had broken.” Jinyoung said quietly, “Then I may have got Gongchan to check out your ipod to see if it was broken, and he said it wouldn’t turn on-“ Jinyoung was interrupted by a kiss from Shinwoo. He smiled against the older man’s lips.
“Thank you, it’s perfect.” Shinwoo said quietly. The couple lay in bed together until Shinwoo’s mom came to get them. They got dressed very quickly and came down to sit and join the family opening presents in the living room. Jinyoung didn’t have any to open from his family, but Shinwoo’s mom had given him a sweater, he thanked her for it - it was a style that he was fond of -, he was surprised that she had picked a sweater he would like but he did assume that his boyfriend had something to do with it. Jinyoung was quiet, as he usual was in front of Shinwoo’s family, but he wasn’t on edge.
As the house began to fill up with Shinwoo’s extended family, Shinwoo and Jinyoung just sat together on the sofa, greeting people that came in but otherwise being left alone to talk to each other, Jinyoung had changed into the sweater Shinwoo’s mom had bought him and Shinwoo was resting his head on Jinyoung’s chest. “You’re getting really skinny.” Shinwoo murmured, slipping his hand up Jinyoung’s sweater and pressing against Jinyoung’s flat stomach. “You need to eat more.” SHINWOO said, rubbing soft circles on Jinyoung’s stomach.
“I just forget a meal or two when I’m stressed, stop worrying about it, I’ll gain the weight back today.” Jinyoung laughed, “Your mom’s cooking smells good. I eat a lot when I’m not stressed about work.” Shinwoo looked at his boyfriend and nodded. “I’m not aiming to lose weight.” Jinyoung mumbled, leaning back on the sofa and resting his head on the back of the sofa. Shinwoo’s dad walked in and looked at the couple curled up together.
“Dinner is ready.” Shinwoo’s dad said blandly, “And he’s right Jinyoung, you need to gain some weight, you’ve lost a lot of weight since I first met you.” And with that Shinwoo’s dad left the room. Jinyoung sighed a little, then quickly gave Shinwoo a peck. Before they got up and went into the dining room. Dinner was nice, but Shinwoo’s dad spent a lot of time staring - well shooting glares - at Jinyoung. After dinner when most of the family had gone home, Jinyoung sat on the sofa, with Shinwoo, lying across the sofa with his head on Jinyoung’s lap. Jinyoung was stroking Shinwoo’s hair, while watching the usual cheesy Christmas TV. Shinwoo’s dad came in and sat down in a chair, and looked at Jinyoung. “I wanted to talk to you without Dongwoo.”
“So you can threaten me?” Jinyoung asked, sighing. He continued to gently stroke Shinwoo’s hair. “I didn’t plan this, I didn’t want to date anyone, I joined to be serious about progression. I met him by chance when I did some covering for the training officer. I liked him, and he wanted me, we hit it off and I said no, I said I couldn’t because of who he was, but he said he didn’t want me to see who he was. So I agreed and then we ended up falling in love.” Jinyoung said looking down at Shinwoo who was still asleep, facing Jinyoung’s chest. “If it helps, this whole time we’ve been 100% secret, and he hasn’t received any special treatment, I can separate my work and my personal life.”
“Good. Dongwoo will not have his future changed by what he is.” Shinwoo’s dad said looking at his son lying on Jinyoung. “He thinks I have a problem with you and him being together, I don’t.” Jinyoung looked confused. “If there was going to be anyone who I would allow to date him, it would be you. I know you’d look after him. I just can’t allow everyone to find out, the legislation has changed, but I don’t want anything at all hindering him.”
“So you want me to leave him.” Jinyoung shook his head. “I won’t do that, what do you want me to say, sorry I don’t love you anymore? I can’t. I can’t lie to him.” Jinyoung gently played with Shinwoo’s hair.
“I’m not asking you to leave him.” Shinwoo’s dad answered robotically, “I am just going to protect him, and I expect you will too. I can see how he feels about you and it’s none of my business about either of you two, unless it affects his future.”
Jinyoung kept the conversation between Shinwoo’s father and him to himself, when they got back to the barracks, Shinwoo’s new squadron had already been assigned, but his living arrangements were to remain with his former squadron for housing, because of ‘lack of resources’ otherwise known as his dad wanted to move squadrons but he wanted to stay with his boyfriend and his dad was doing everything for Shinwoo not to come out.
Two weeks later, Jinyoung was late to arrive back at the dorms - and Jinyoung was never late - Shinwoo had sat up waiting for him to get back. When Jinyoung finally did arrive he looked shattered, his sleeping was getting worse and Shinwoo spent a lot of time worrying about him. Jinyoung walked over to Shinwoo and gave him a quick kiss before sitting on the bed next to him. “Dongwoo.” He said quietly, and Shinwoo felt an ominous wave run through him. “I’m being deployed next month.” Jinyoung said quietly, he was holding Shinwoo’s hand tightly. Shinwoo just nodded, Jinyoung sighed and then gently leaned in to give Shinwoo a peck on the cheek. “It’s a 6 month tour,” Jinyoung looked down. “I’m going to talk my squadron, so I’ll be back in a bit.” SHINWOO watched as Jinyoung left. Shinwoo lay back on the bed, he knew why this had happened, and he knew it was his father who had decided to deploy Jinyoung and his squadron.
When Jinyoung came back, Shinwoo was already lying in bed, Jinyoung stripped down to his boxers and got in next to Shinwoo. “It was my dad wasn’t it.” Shinwoo said blandly. Jinyoung didn’t say anything, he just moved into Shinwoo’s arms and rested his head on his boyfriend’s chest. “I knew he lied to me, he said he was ok with us.” Jinyoung wasn’t paying attention and was kissing SHINWOO’s chest, trying to distract himself from this conversation. Shinwoo sighed, “How are you feeling about it Jinnie?” Jinyoung looked up at Shinwoo.
“I feel ok, I feel like it’s going to be ok.” Jinyoung said quietly, Jinyoung looked at Shinwoo and gently gave him a soft kiss. “I’m just going to miss you.”
“I’m going to miss you too.” Shinwoo said softly. Shinwoo wrapped his arms tightly around his boyfriend, after a while he sensed that Jinyoung had fallen asleep, he traced his hand down Jinyoung’s side, he was going to miss lying in bed with his boyfriend, he’d miss waking up every day to a quick kiss, and how most mornings Jinyoung woke up with an erection that he always tried to pretend hadn’t happened. He’d miss the way Jinyoung smelt, he’d miss the little noises Jinyoung made in his sleep. Shinwoo wondered what Jinyoung would miss about him.
Shinwoo woke up, and smiled, Jinyoung’s face was still pressed against his chest, and Shinwoo felt Jinyoung’s morning erection pressing into his thigh. Shinwoo gently kissed the top of Jinyoung’s head, and shook him awake. Jinyoung looked up sleepily and pressed his lips to Shinwoo’s. Shinwoo gently cupped the back of Jinyoung’s head. “Do you wanna shower Jinnie?” Shinwoo asked softly against the younger man’s lips. “Or I can make it go away” Shinwoo gently kissed Jinyoung again. Jinyoung nodded, and moved his hips a little.
“Can you take care of it?” Jinyoung mumbled, kissing Shinwoo’s cheek over and over. Shinwoo smiled and slipped his hand down between them. This was a very rare occurrence, Jinyoung rarely allowed Shinwoo to give him a handjob. Jinyoung let out a quiet gasp as Shinwoo’s hand slipped into his boxers. Jinyoung gently kissed Shinwoo’s neck. Shinwoo gently pushed the younger’s boxers down to give himself easier access. Jinyoung let out a quiet sound, kissing Shinwoo’s neck to keep himself quiet, Shinwoo began stroking Jinyoung’s member slowly, keeping a slow rhythm going.
Jinyoung got a little needier, wanting more, pushing his hips up into Shinwoo’s hand. Shinwoo smirked and pulled away from his lover, his hand still holding Jinyoung’s member. Jinyoung looked at Shinwoo panting, not wanting to beg, but needing more. Shinwoo stroked Jinyoung slowly, and began kissing down Jinyoung’s chest. Jinyoung’s quiet whimpers telling Shinwoo he was doing the right thing. Jinyoung pushed his hips up again. Shinwoo smirked kissing down the younger’s stomach. Shinwoo gently kissed down Jinyoung’s sensitive skin, then kissed along Jinyoung’s member. Shinwoo kissed the tip and then carefully took the length into his mouth.
Jinyoung convulsed, curling his upper body over. Shinwoo smirked as he bobbed his head on his lover’s length, before starting to hollow out his cheeks and taking more of his lover into his mouth. He pushed past his gag reflex and deep throated his lover. Jinyoung moaned, he closed his eyes tightly, and moaned into the mattress. Shinwoo continued his movements, his mouth getting a little tired, he slowed down a little, bringing his hand up to play with Jinyoung’s balls. Jinyoung cried out in pleasure, his hands clenched tightly, and he moved slightly his face contorted with euphoria. “Close.” He panted, Shinwoo pressed his tongue against the protruding vein on Jinyoung’s member, he felt the muscle twitch. Jinyoung moved his hips to pull out of Shinwoo’s mouth, Shinwoo tightened his mouth around Jinyoung, and grabbed the younger’s hips. “But…” Jinyoung was interrupted by his own moan as he shot his load into Shinwoo’s mouth. Shinwoo swallowed his lovers seed, he milked Jinyoung’s orgasm, then moved, he sat up and saw the position Jinyoung had been in the whole time, he was curled up and panting. Shinwoo smiled and leant up and kissed his boyfriend. Jinyoung just looked at Shinwoo. “You never... want… to do that…” Jinyoung panted, moving to straighten up.
Shinwoo gently kissed his lover. “I felt like it today.” Shinwoo shrugged, kissing Jinyoung more.
“Good morning Squadron Leader, you have a busy day today.” Jinyoung whined. “I know you want to stay in bed all day but you know you can’t. You have to get your squadron ready for deployment at the end of the month.” Jinyoung whined again, but gave Shinwoo a short kiss before getting up and going into the bathroom, turning on the shower and stepping in. Shinwoo leant back on the bed trying not to get upset. He knew he didn’t have long left with Jinyoung, and it was hurting him to think that Jinyoung could be gone forever. When Jinyoung came out of the bathroom, he was dressed in his uniform and looked awake for a change. “You slept well last night? Sorry I forgot to ask” Jinyoung nodded.
“I’m comforted to know that it is me and not you who is going to be in danger.” He said quietly, before kissing Shinwoo, “See you tonight, have a good day.” He said giving him another short kiss. Shinwoo smiled and watched as Jinyoung left, he sighed. He had a flight scheduled for the afternoon, but he needed to speak to his dad this morning. He got up showered and got dressed. He walked across the barracks and into his father’s office without knocking. His dad looked up at him.
“You ordered him to be deployed because we’re together.” Shinwoo shouted. “I don’t care what you’re going to say, I know why you did this.”
“You aren’t allowed to be present on the sending off of the squadron.”
“What?” Shinwoo looked at his dad shocked. “Families and significant others are allowed to attend to say goodbye.” Shinwoo felt his anger boil. “and I am his significant other. I am his boyfriend and we’re not going to see each other for 6 months and I’m not allowed to say goodbye to him. What if he dies dad? What if his plane gets shot down?” Shinwoo clenched his fist. “If he dies and I didn’t get to say goodbye to him, I will never talk to you again.” Shinwoo stormed out slamming the door behind him.
Shinwoo flew that afternoon, as expected, he flew partially because it was his job but he also flew because it cleared his mind. He flew gracefully, he flew properly. When Shinwoo landed he saw his dad was waiting for him in the hangar. Shinwoo got out of his plane and walked out the other exit. He was not going to talk to his father today. He had just calmed down, when he got back to his and Jinyoung’s room, Jinyoung wasn’t back, and wouldn’t be back until after dinner. They ate separately most days, Shinwoo ate quickly because he was going to go back to the room and make it nice for when Jinyoung got back. He saw his dad standing by the door. “I don’t want to speak to you. I am getting ready for Jinyoung coming back.”
“No matter what you say you are not going to the sending off.” Shinwoo’s dad looked at him. “I am not letting you expose yourself.”
“You’re telling me I can’t see the man I’m in love with before he goes off to what could be his death.” Shinwoo’s eyes watered. “I will be the only person who loves someone in that squadron that isn’t going to be there. How do you think he is going to feel about it?”
“He understands that there are sacrifices you have to make when you love someone. Especially when you are in the air force and you love the air marshal’s son. So he will accept it as essential.”
“I’m going.”
“You’re not. You have your review that day. At that time.” Shinwoo’s dad handed him the letter.
“I’m up for promotion, just so you can keep me away from seeing off my boyfriend.” Shinwoo laughed bitterly. “That is low. Even for you.”
“You will not attend the sending off, and in 6 months you will not be attending their return.”
“If he is alive I will be there. If he is injured I will be by that hospital stretcher as it comes off that plane and if he dies I will walk with the coffin, because I love him and nothing will keep me away from it. I can’t be up for another promotion in only 6 months’ time.”
“Shin Dongwoo.” Shinwoo’s dad said. “You will not attend.”
“Or what dad? What are you going to do? Tell everyone that I’m gay? Oh wait no you can’t because that’s what you’re most afraid of.”
“Dongwoo.”
“Leave Dad, I don’t have long until Jinyoung gets back and I want to not be around you when he gets here. Seeing as I have to tell him I can’t send him off.”
“He won’t be angry with you, he knows that I am trying to protect you, and he wants to protect you too.”
“Stop telling me about my boyfriend.” Shinwoo said before opening the door and going into his and Jinyoung’s room, slamming the door and locking it so his dad couldn’t follow. Shinwoo quickly got in the shower to de-stress, he washed his hair and came out wrapped in a towel. There was a knock on the door and Shinwoo opened the door and saw Jinyoung. Jinyoung walked in and gave his boyfriend a kiss, his hand tracing the elder’s towel.
“What did I do to get this?” Jinyoung smirked, Shinwoo kissed his boyfriend again harder this time. Jinyoung broke the kiss to kiss down Shinwoo’s neck to kiss along his collarbones. Shinwoo tensed up a little. Jinyoung looked up at him. “You ok?” Jinyoung looked at him. Shinwoo shook his head, and took Jinyoung’s hand tightly. “What is it?” Shinwoo looked down. “C’mon let’s sit down and you can tell me.” Jinyoung guided him to the bed and they sat down next to each other, holding both hands.
“I can’t go to your sending off.” Shinwoo said quietly. Jinyoung nodded, he didn’t know what to say. He had suspected that Shinwoo would be banned. “I have a review for a promotion, at that time.” Shinwoo looked at his boyfriend and Jinyoung smiled at him. Jinyoung gave him a quick kiss on the lips.
“Well done, I’m sure you’ll get the promotion. “ Jinyoung moved a little so he was straddling Shinwoo’s lap. Jinyoung gave him a quick, deep kiss. Shinwoo wrapped his arms around Jinyoung and pulled him close, Jinyoung pushed a little and Shinwoo ended up lying on his back, with Jinyoung over him. “I’m proud baby.” Jinyoung kissed Shinwoo’s neck. “Really, Really proud.” Jinyoung rolled his hips up.
Jinyoung lay spent in Shinwoo’s arms, Shinwoo smiled a little watching as his boyfriend snuggled more into him. Shinwoo stroked Jinyoung’s hair a little uncomfortable he hated resting in his sweat and other of substances, in a way he was glad as he had worn a condom and had less of the sticky substance on him. Jinyoung had more on him but was apparently too tired to shower before taking a nap. Shinwoo sighed, he was happy he was up for promotion but he knew it was just a ploy to keep him away from sending Jinyoung off.
On the day of Jinyoung’s deployment, Dongwoo was sat in the review room, discussing his potential; this was the last place he wanted to be he wanted to be with Jinyoung, telling him it would be alright and promising to stay faithful. He left the meeting just as the planes were taking off. Dongwoo closed his eyes promising he’d love Jinyoung and be faithful.
For the next few days Shinwoo stayed curled up in their bed, wrapping himself in Jinyoung’s scent. He missed practice, he skipped meetings. He just lay there, dead almost. He was jolted out of his day dream by a knock on the door. He got up and answered, he saw his dad and just looked bland. “I don’t want to hear it dad.” Shinwoo said looking down. “I just want to go back to bed.”
“Because lying there help you does it?”
“I didn’t get to say goodbye properly like everyone else’s partners.”
“This is about that?” Shinwoo’s dad raised his eyebrow. “Son, I think you are shutting yourself off to deal with the fact that he has gone away.”
“I don’t need you to tell you about my emotions.” Shinwoo said angrily. “I can deal with my own emotions. I always have done.”
“You’re not dealing with them very well.” Shinwoo’s dad said quietly. “I’m sorry, I know it’s hard to think about what could happen to him.” Shinwoo looked down, “It’s scary for you, and it’s scary for him.” Shinwoo looked at his dad and tried to hide that he was about to cry. “Come here.” Shinwoo’s dad wrapped his arms around his son and held him in a tight hug. “I think you should go home to your mom this weekend. She’ll be able to comfort you better than I can.”
“Shut up dad.” Shinwoo whined a little, holding onto his dad tightly. “I just miss him and I’m scared. I’m scared out my mind. Every time there is a report of someone dying in the war I am petrified they are going to say Squadron Leader Jung Jinyoung.” Shinwoo held his dad tightly, as his dad rubbed his back soothingly.
“I know it’s scary, but you have to carry on. We all have to carry on like there is nothing happening. Look, I can find out where he’s stationed for you and you can write to him.”
“Thanks dad.” Shinwoo said quietly, letting go of his dad. “I just, I’m scared and I don’t know how to do this, to carry on like my boyfriend is here when he isn’t.”
Shinwoo managed to pull himself together; he was working, functioning, as if he wasn’t missing Jinyoung. He still panicked every time there was a report that someone had been shot or a plane had gone down or someone had died in a bomb. He was on edge constantly. He received a letter from Jinyoung every month, all of them just telling him not to worry and that he couldn’t wait to see him again and some of them had his opinion on things like whether Shinwoo should push for more promotions and whether they should be allowed to call each other. But the best bit of the letter was the end, every letter ended the same. Always remember I love you, I’ll be home soon, I look up at the sky and imagine I’m back home lying with you in our bed, with you just singing to me. I can’t wait to see you. Your Jinyoung x. Shinwoo loved message at the end, it was nothing special, but it made him feel special.
Part 3.