Alternate Universe - Standalone
Title: Alternate Universe
Author: Blink-sum-new-muse
Rating: R
Fandom: CW RP
Summary: So one morning, Jensen wakes up and his life suddenly isn't his any more.
Disclaimer: I do not own Jensen Ackles, Jared Padalecki, Eric Kripke, Shannon Coppin, Kim Manners, Tom Welling, Michael Rosenbaum, Jeannie Chow, Bill Murray or any of their families. I also don't own Supernatural. I do, however [unfortunately], own Lexi Morgan. Fiction is the word, and the words are mine.
Status: Finished.
Notes: This is part angst, part sex and part crack. I think. Still, it is not my street 'verse, so those of you who despaired at that should like it!
So one morning, Jensen wakes up and his life suddenly isn't his any more.
It looks the same, to an outsider [that is, most people outside of the Vancouver-shaped bubble he lives in nine months out of the year]. His appearance hasn't changed, his wardrobe hasn't changed, he's still living in the same rented apartment with the same truck sitting outside and all the familiar numbers in his cellphone. He still plays Dean Winchester on a TV show, and his best friend is still one Jared Padalecki.
Only that's not all he is. Somehow, in this life, Jared Padelecki is his partner.
Partner in the sense that the first clue Jensen gets as to this not being his life any more is when Jared wakes him up by chewing on his earlobe. Jared is a hands-on kind of guy, for sure, and Jensen is well aware of that. But that hands-on attitude usually stops before it gets to the bedroom, except for those few times when one or both of them has been either really sick, really tired or really drunk, and even then it generally only means passing out next to one another, even if Jared does have a tendancy to cuddle in his sleep [much like when he's awake].
However, hands-on or not, Jared has never chewed Jensen's earlobe before, because chewing on any part of your friends just isn't seen as the done thing, at least not in Texas [Jensen's aware the rules might've been different if they'd grown up in San Francisco, but luckily they didn't] and Jared especially never touches his ears. This is mostly because he doesn't touch any of Jensen's face a whole lot, because that's not what straight friends do, even straight friends who are as touchy-feely as Jared, but is also slightly because he once did touch Jensen's ear accidentally with his thumb while curling an arm around his neck, and Jensen had jumped about a foot in the air.
At his friend's gaping expression, Jensen had coloured and replied, "Dude, people touching my ears freaks me out. It's creepy," and missed out, "It also totally turns me on." There were only two possible reactions to Jensen's ears being touched, but he didn't mention the second one because...well, it's just not done, is it?
Apparently, however, in this life which isn't his, either Jensen has mentioned this to Jared or Jared's figured it out for himself, because Jared is fooling around with Jensen's ear like he's been told that playing with it will make it dispense unlimited free candy. Jensen really, really hopes this isn't true, because there's weird [your best friend tonguing your ear] and then there's really fucked up.
"Morning, baby," is Jensen's second clue, and the kiss that follows is when he stops being able to count, because his brain is too busy going, "Uh, what the fuck is going on? Help!" Unfortunately, the only person around that Jensen could ask for help is Jared, and that plan's never going to work for two reasons; one, Jensen doesn't want to try to explain this, because Jared is much more likely to freak out than to be of any help in these sorts of situations, and two, it's kind of hard to talk with your best friend's tongue in your mouth.
After what seems like forever, Jared finally disengages their mouths and leans back, hovering over Jensen still like an over-inquisitive dog. "You okay?" he asks, frowning minutely in the way he does when he's not sure of something.
Jensen manages a noise which sounds approximately like, "Unnh," and tries to nod his head slightly, which Jared seems satisfied with. Luckily, in this life Jared is still apparently aware of Jensen's absolute inability to communicate verbally for at least thirty minutes after waking up.
"I'll start the coffee," Jared tells him, crawling off Jensen and the bed until he's standing and stretching, and man, he looks even taller with his arms above his head and only wearing boxer shorts. "You grab a shower. Fifteen minutes. Don't fall asleep again!" His warning is accompanied with a warm smile, and then he leaves.
Jensen feels paralysed. He also thinks that this might be easier to handle if he was actually physically unable to move, some screw up with nerves or neurons or whatever it is that stops your body responding to commands, rather than him just being paralysed because he has absolutely no idea what to do or how to do it.
Jared had said, "Shower," and most mornings, even Jensen in his zombiefied state can deal with that, but most mornings don't involve Jared's tongue in his mouth or his ear, or Jared in his bed, and what if he opens the shower and Eric is already in there waiting for him to join him or something?
The part of Jensen's body that had become incredibly interested during Jared's wake-up call retreats at that thought, and at least that's one thing Jensen guesses he can be thankful for. Still, it's a very minor thing, because he's still lying in his bed while Jared's making coffee downstairs in his kitchen like this is all totally normal and really, one of them should at least be drunk right now. Jensen very desperately wants it to be him.
* * * * *
If you asked how Jensen couldn't tell you, but he manages to get out of bed and continue with his morning without breaking down or completely freezing again, even despite Jared's kissing him again [when he handed him his coffee, when he came down from his own shower, while they were waiting for the car to come pick them up [and that one must have lasted for at least two months]]. They make it to set without Jensen saying a word to the tune of, "This is not my life," despite Jared calling him baby four more times, asking him if he was going to feed the dogs like it was something he did often and should have already done, and their driver looking in the rearview and turning around to smirk, "Aww, he looks exhausted! Did you have to wear him out that much, Jared?"
In makeup, Shannon berates them both equally, along with similiar allusions to their nocturnal activities, and Jensen has never been more thankful of his acting skills when Jared smiles and says, "I think he's feelin' a bit under the weather this mornin'," before kissing him, again, and this time in front of other people, people they see every day. Jensen smiles weakly and nods and takes the lifeline, oh sure, he's sick, and slumps down gratefully in a chair while the girls coo sympathetically and warn Jared to take good care of him, like it's totally normal for Jared to speak Jensen's mind and for them to get Jensen to do something by asking Jared to do it instead.
Which, if he's honest, is kind of normal, in the life where he and Jared occasionally play ice hockey, rather than frequently playing tonsil hockey.
The morning's work, thankfully, isn't too different, except for the way Jared touches him more between takes, and has to be asked on two occasions, with an accompanying eyeroll, to try not to feel up his brother. When Jared just whines, "It's your fault you made Dean Winchester so hot!" Jensen actually snorts with laughter, because the jokes and trying Kim's patience is normal, even if the vehicle for such activities isn't. Jared smiles huge when he hears Jensen laugh, and Jensen smiles back because he realises that Jared's so happy because he's pulled Jensen out of his funk, even for a moment. Jared does that a lot, so this isn't uncommon, but it still makes him happy, even with all this weirdness going on, that Jared is happy when he's happy.
Once Jensen makes this connection, he thinks that they are perhaps a bit pathetic, but that doesn't stop him from screwing up the next two takes because he keeps looking over at Jared and smiling, while Sam and Dean are supposed to be having a heated argument.
* * * * *
So working is fine, because even in this life Jared is able to [mostly] put aside his personal issues, whether they may be being upset over Harley getting sick or his insatiable need to touch Jensen, but when lunch comes it's back to the wake-up Jared, the one who thinks it's perfectly acceptable to have one hand in Jensen's back pocket all through the lunch line, other balancing his boxes and trays of food with careful skill [honed from many years of eating more than any person should be able to carry, let alone eat]. When they get to their table and Jared sits beside him instead of opposite him, actually holding up a piece of food to Jensen's lips instead of his usual tactic of insisting he should try it for thirty minutes straight, Jensen realises that he's going to be too distracted to eat anything anyway, so he may as well not bother to try.
When he says he's going to go to his trailer to lie down, Jared stops eating to stand up with him, puts arms around his waist as if to stop him for a minute, asking, "Hey, are you really getting sick? You need to go home? You should drink something at least, you shouldn't get dehydrated."
Jensen mumbles that he's okay, just feeling tired and his stomach's a bit strange, but it doesn't feel like anything major and yeah, he's sure he'll be okay on his own. Even so, it takes him a good three minutes to manage to get Jared to let him go, and when he does make it to his trailer, the first thing he does is turn around and lock the door behind him. Everyone outside is stark raving fucking mad, but in here there is just Jensen, who knows the real laws of the universe, dammit, one being that he is not dating Jared, and everyone knows it.
Except they don't, and he is, and he frowns. It's the first time he's had to think about it all day. How in the hell did this happen? Sure, Jensen has a major role in a show called Supernatural, but that's a show, not life. Then again, in life this would never happen, at least not life as he knew it, so Jensen's pretty sure he has to start thinking outside the box a little. Dean Winchester has rubbed off on him in more ways than one.
When lunch ends, he's none the wiser, despite his abstract thinking, and it's with a frustrated sigh that he heaves himself up and out to a world that readily believes he and Jared are frequent inhabitants of each other's pants.
* * * * *
Usually, when work ends, Jensen will go back to his own apartment, make or order food for himself, and spend an hour or two winding down before he goes to bed. This differs on days when they manage to shoot for less than ten hours, or weekends; i.e. when they have some time left to actually have a life. Then, Jensen will either end up at Jared's house, or with Jared at his apartment. On weekends they don't generally make plans, just show up at each other's houses if they didn't already end up staying over on Friday night.
Jensen guesses, however, that if he woke up this morning with Jared curled around him and waking him up by the method of arousal, he's not going to get away with a quick kiss on the cheek before he and Jared part to go their separate ways. He's exactly right. When they finish - after Jared's said goodnight to absolutely everyone they come across including the cleaners and the night security, all of whom he knows by name - they head for the same car with Jared's hand on the small of Jensen's back, and Jared says, "You're out of anything edible. We'll go to mine." He instructs the driver - Mark, this time, who never says a word that isn't related to his job, and Jensen's never thought about being grateful for it before, but he sure is now - to go to Jensen's first, just to pick up the dogs, and then to take them on to Jared's. Mark nods silently and pulls away, and Jensen wonders how much longer he'll have to survive this day before he's allowed to slip into the blissful unknown of sleep [even if he does have to do it with Jared curled around him].
As it turns out, it's not much longer at all, because no sooner are they back at the house than Jared insists that Jensen should go straight to bed, get some extra sleep because if he is coming down with something, it'll help him to fight it. Jensen knows he doesn't really know what he's talking about, is spouting half-facts badly remembered from his childhood, but he appreciates the thought. He stumbles his way through his bedtime routine, barely blinking by now when Jared leans in to kiss him again before they finally get into bed, and even initiates a final kiss when they're all cuddled up together because it seems like the right thing to do. From the smile on Jared's face, it is, so Jensen puts aside the thoughts about how this is not his life and settles down to sleep.
* * * * *
The following morning, Jensen wakes up to the weirdest feeling he's ever had upon waking, far surpassing that of the previous morning: the feeling of having his best friend grinding into him. He opens his eyes, torn between shocked and aroused because he was asleep and he's only human, after all, and that's when Jared grins and leans down to kiss him, now that he's awake, and at this time of day Jensen can't process anything other than, "This feels awesome," so he grabs onto Jared's biceps and kisses back and moves his own hips without realising it, and comes with a shout a few minutes later.
During the comedown is when he realises that Jared's pushed both of their boxers down to their ankles, and that consequently, he is lying with his best friend on top of him, their dicks touching, and their come mingling between their stomachs. When memories of the day before start coming back, it doesn't help with the fact that he's starting to freak out, but at least things make a little more sense. Though only a little, because he still doesn't know what the hell is going on.
Jared distracts him from the freaking out unintentionally by making a rather thorough and fantastic exploration of Jensen's mouth with his tongue, and just when Jensen's forgotten about everything else except, "I'd like more of this, please," Jared pulls back, tells him they've got time this morning so he can wait for a bit while Jared showers and, he says, "Recharge your batteries." Jared is as much of a dork in this universe as he is in any other, because Jared not being a dork would be like the sun not rising and setting, but Jensen still snorts a laugh because he's still susceptible to this particular brand of dorkiness, as ever.
Resting might have been a nice idea, but Jensen's brain has now gone into overdrive, so while Jared showers he reconciles the fact that he just sort of had sex with his best friend with the reasoning, "I was asleep when we started and this isn't really my life, anyway, so it doesn't count," and then he gets back to wondering how, exactly, he got transported into some kind of alternate universe.
The answer doesn't come to him then, but roughly half an hour later, when he's chewing on a piece of toast and leafing through fanmail. He gets a big bag of it delivered every week, and doesn't have nearly enough time to even look at most of it, much less answer it, but he does like to see it at least and if anything looks especially interesting, he'll pull it out and skim-read it.
A bright sparkly pink envelope with the words, "YOU'LL WANT TO READ THIS," emblazoned on the front in permanent marker, oddly enough, catches his eye. He pulls it out of the mailbag, opening it with a butter knife and ignoring Jared's snort of laughter.
"They know your style, that's for sure," Jared comments, but Jensen's too interested in the contents of the envelope to reply. He pulls the letter out, a page or two of hot pink notepaper with fairies in the corners, and begins to read:
Dear Jensen,
I hope you're enjoying your new life. Actually, that's a lie. I hope you aren't. However, as annoyed as I might be, I do have to thank you, because if it weren't for Supernatural I wouldn't have known where to go to find out how to set this curse you're currently living. Is Jared with you now? I'll bet he is. I bet he's touching you, too, even if not sexually.
Jensen looks up from the letter, confused and faintly disturbed, and checks. The letter-writer is right; Jared's hand is on his knee. He hadn't even noticed, which is a bit weird, but what's a lot more weird is the fact that this person knew. His eyes widen slightly, but he continues reading:
Yeah, this whole thing about him suddenly being your boyfriend? That's me. Call it a gift, since you didn't like the first one I gave you. Maybe you'll appreciate this more. But I am determined to teach you about Alternate Universe, whether you like it or not. It'll wear off after a week, unfortunately, but all good things must come to an end. Still, I hope you enjoy it.
No, wait. I don't.
Yours spitefully,
Lexi Morgan
It takes a few seconds, but when the penny drops, Jensen's jaw goes with it. Lexi Morgan was a fangirl he'd met at one of the Supernatural conventions, a month or so ago now. Normally he was terrible at remembering both faces and names, especially with the amount of people they met, but she'd stuck in his mind. She'd come up with a large sheaf of papers for him, said it was a fanfic she'd written, AU. When Jensen asked what AU meant, she explained it was 'alternate universe'; i.e. one in which they weren't just friends who worked on Supernatural. In this universe, they were lovers who lived in Texas and had ranches, apparently.
She'd asked Jensen if he would read her fic, and let her know what he thought, but he was a little creeped out. He'd laughed and shaken his head, saying, "No, I keep away from that stuff. It's Jared and Eric who get obsessive over it. I prefer not to know," and her hopeful smile had turned to a downright mean look, a glare before she flounced off. He'd been startled, but had no time to dwell on it with a long line of people waiting, and so moved on with only a small hitch.
However, it appeared that she hadn't gotten over it as easily as he had.
"Son of a bitch!" Jensen exclaims in a very Dean Winchester-esque manner, making Jared look up from his newspaper.
"What's wrong?" he asks, concerned, and squeezes the knee his hand's still resting on. Jensen jerks in surprise and bangs his knee on the table.
"Fuck!" he yells in pain and shock, and grabs at it with one hand as his other crumples the letter up. Jared's looking bewildered. "Nothing," he mutters, trying to get some control back. "Just remembered something. Gotta pay someone back."
Jared nods, slowly, like he's trying not to scare Jensen, and says, "Okay," in a really slow voice. Jensen is thankful when the horn sounds outside, signalling the car's arrival.
* * * * *
By lunchtime his mood has gone so south it's almost reached Mexico, and everyone is pissed off with him except Jared. Actually, he thinks Jared's probably pissed off with him too, but he's trying to give him a little more leeway and not show it because he's his boyfriend and that's what boyfriends are supposed to do, and that just pisses him off even more, so it's no surprise that when they finally break for lunch, Jared drags him off as everyone around utters a collective sigh of relief and shoves him behind a trailer.
"Okay, what's wrong?" Jared asks, in a half-menacing, half-concerned tone. "You've been at everyone's throats all morning. Someone's going to hit you soon, and I don't know if I'm going to want to stop them." Jensen must look hurt at that, although he doesn't register his own facial expression, because Jared quickly amends, "Okay, so I will. You know I will. But man, they might be justified. You've been horrible to be around. What is it?"
Jensen looks up at the guy who believes he's Jensen's boyfriend. Who has just said he will stop anyone from hurting Jensen even if he agrees they're justified, who's making him sort this out before anyone else gets snapped at, before they even get food, and who because of those reasons and many more, is Jensen's best friend. And he can't tell the truth, because even though he's pretty sure Jared would believe him, because he trusts him, it would suck. Jared would be upset that they weren't really dating if he thought they were, and he'd think he'd made Jensen do all this stuff he hadn't wanted to do, and he'd want to strangle the fangirl on Jensen's behalf even though that wouldn't do any good and it sounded like the only thing he could do was to wait it out.
Nah, Jensen thinks, it's not worth the trouble. Just a week. I can handle that. And when it ends, I'll just get really, really drunk and pretend the whole thing was something dumb I did when I was wasted.
"I'm sorry," Jensen replies, leaning forward to rest his head on Jared's chest and being rewarded with the other man's arms coming around him to hold him close. "I just got up on the wrong side of the bed or somethin'. I'll try and be nicer."
"Are you sure?" Jared presses, using a hand to pull Jensen's face up to look at his.
"Sure," Jensen agrees, and Jared kisses him. He saw that one coming, and it's nothing other than agreement and comfort, and it's nice.
* * * * *
Two days pass in a blur of normality, mixed in with bizarre moments of Jared grabbing his ass or kissing him to within an inch of his life, or keeping an arm around his waist and glaring defiantly at anyone who dares to look at them askance when they're out getting coffee, and these moments are made even more bizarre by the fact that Jensen thinks he's already used to them. This isn't as weird as it should be, and that is weird.
His head starts to hurt when he tries to think about it, so he puts it to one side as often as possible, and goes with the flow. It's on day four of The Curse [as Jensen has taken to thinking about it, capital letters and all] that not thinking about it becomes virtually impossible, as that's the day they get a half day off because they've done all their shooting for the second unit and they're not ready yet to start the next episode, and Jared decides that it's the perfect time to maul Jensen the minute they get in the door.
Kissing, he's gotten the hang of. Groping, he can do. Even grinding, he knows. But Jared's hand is sneaking its way into his pants, and that is something...
He was going to think something new, and I don't know if I can do this but what comes out instead is something fantastic, and why the hell haven't we done this before? Jared knows all the tricks the way girls don't; he twists his hand a little at the top, thumbs over the head, uses his free hand to fondle Jensen's balls as well and basically makes Jensen come in about three minutes flat. He would be embarrassed, if it weren't for the dirty little smile Jared's giving him that makes him realise that Jared knew exactly what he was doing, and he isn't surprised in the slightest at his skills.
Then Jared presses forward, and Jensen's next thought is shit, he wants me to reciprocate. It's only fair, right? Even if it's weird, so was what they just did, so...it can't be that bad. Jensen moves forwards to duck his head into Jared's neck, sucking at the skin a little as his fingers search for Jared's fly, because in this position Jared can't see how nervous he is.
It's a little weird; it's sort of like jerking himself off, but Jared's a little longer and a little thinner, and he guesses they're both pretty proportionate. That thought makes him laugh, which makes him bite down to try to stave it off, which makes Jared give a funny little noise and grind forwards into him, and that's interesting. Jared likes a bit of pain with his pleasure, apparently. Jensen did not know that. But then, he had no reason to know that, before this week. He tries it again, getting much the same reaction, and smirks. That's nothing to do with being happy that he knows how to please Jared, and everything to do with the fact that he knows how to push his best friend's buttons. Fake-boyfriends or not, Jensen is still not above using any and all information to play pranks on and generally embarrass his friends.
Jared comes with a shudder, pressing into Jensen through the aftershocks, and Jensen feels pretty damn proud of himself.
* * * * *
When the weekend arrives, Jared announces that they're going out for drinks with Tom and Mike. This at least is still normal, and Jensen finds himself wondering what it'll be like to be a couple with Tom and Mike around. Turns out that nothing has changed with these two, either. They're still dancing around one another, pretending they're nothing more than a couple of good buddies, and their sexual tension takes the form of a huge white elephant.
What has changed, however, becomes apparent when Jensen's left alone with Tom, as Mike goes to the can and Jared is getting their next round in. Tom watches them both leave, then slumps forwards onto the table, head resting on his folded arms, looking downright miserable. "It's getting worse," he sighs.
"Huh?" Jensen asks, not knowing what he's talking about, and busy trying to fold a beermat into a cootie catcher. "What is?"
"Mike, idiot," Tom replies, and Jensen's not sure whether that means he's an idiot or Mike is, but he takes offence just in case. Tom doesn't seem to care, though, too caught up in his misery. "At the red carpet yesterday, I spent the whole night watching him flirt with this new PA we've got, while my date talked about the calories in wine and how backless is too backless on a dress. I mean, what? Doesn't backless just mean no back whatsoever?"
Jensen shrugs, nonplussed, and Tom rolls his eyes. "Some gay guy you are."
"Jared and I don't normally go for dresses, backless or otherwise," Jensen replies, and including Jared in his statement comes as easily as breathing.
"Anyway," Tom sighs, going for melancholy again. "He looked so fuckin' hot, too, wearing that suit, you know, the one that makes you want to rip it off with your teeth?"
"Can't say I do," Jensen says, mentally shuddering a little at the thought. Mike'd probably bite back, but he'd bite skin, not clothes. He was odd like that.
"The point is," Tom almost snaps, making Jensen raise an eyebrow, "I'm going insane."
"Why don't you just tell him?" Jensen asks incredulously.
Tom stares at him like he's just said he thinks the sky is yellow. "You know why, dumbass. A plethora of reasons, not least the fact that he's not gay. And if you don't like that, try he's my best friend and if he says no it would fuck up everything, or the fact that we work together and, see above."
"Jared and I are best friends who work together," Jensen reasons. "And Mike's not gay, maybe, but he's damn sure not straight."
Tom groans. "You guys got together though like as soon as you met," he says. "You weren't best friends first, it just all came together. And that was when you were still waiting to see if the pilot would get picked up, so you didn't have to do the awkward at work thing. It's not the same."
Jensen files these bits of information away in his mind, aware that they might come in useful later, in case anybody does ask him his own supposed history. It's an intriguing thought, actually: the idea that he and Jared had become lovers at the same time as they became best friends, rather than just the latter. There had been some minor sexual tension when they'd first met [in Jensen's real life], admittedly, but at the time he'd put that down to the fact that he hadn't gotten any in a very long while, they were both very attractive guys, Jared was the first openly bisexual man he'd really known, and they were thrust together for sixteen hours a day for about two weeks straight. So his brain was bound to get a bit confused. What if it hadn't been?
But he's left with no time to dwell on that thought, because Tom hits him with a beermat, square in the face, and then Jared returns and cuffs Tom around the head before kissing Jensen 'to make it better' and yeah, it's really not important.
* * * * *
On Saturday night, by the time they make it home they're almost too drunk to make it from the cab to the bedroom, so sex is out of the question. Sunday morning, though, is a different story. Jensen's in the middle of jerking Jared off, sucking on his tounge at the same time, when he suddenly wonders what it'd be like to suck on another part of Jared's anatomy, and he pulls back to ask, somewhat shyly, "Can I taste you?"
Jared looks minorly confused, but also like he's too aroused to bother thinking too deeply about that, so he simply huffs out a laugh and replies, "You don't need to ask, baby."
Jensen smiles, understanding that he really doesn't, this is all for him, and he makes his way down Jared's body torturously slowly. He swipes his tongue flat over the head of Jared's cock, experimentally, and realises that oddly enough, he already knows the taste. Probably from sucking on his neck so much, Jensen muses, and suckles on it with delight. Higher up, Jared's head slams back into the pillow as he groans, evidently taking something positive from the situation himself.
* * * * *
Monday morning begins dark and cold, and Jensen wakes up grudgingly, only because his alarm clock has the most annoying sound on the planet [purposely, because he knows how bad he is at getting up]. He hits the snooze button, burrowing down into the covers to gather warmth before he braves the cold room, and that's when he frowns, opening his eyes slowly for the first time. The alarm clock on its own was odd, because every morning for the past week he's been woken by Jared. But being cold as well is just bizarre. Jared is the human furnace, and he's taken to throwing covers off the past few nights, despite the Vancouver winter setting in.
Jensen opens his eyes to see nothing but an empty bed beside him. His eyes scan the room slowly, as though Jared might be hiding in one of the corners, trying not to giggle, but the search yields nothing and he's not really surprised. As dorky as it sounds, he can usually sense Jared's presense, and Jared is most definitely not currently present.
Still half-asleep, he reaches for his cellphone with a hard knot of tension in his stomach, and speed-dials Jared. The phone rings a few times, and then Jared's cheery voice comes over the line. "Hello?"
"Where are you?" Jensen asks, voice still rough with sleep. "It's only five, where the hell did you go?"
There's a pause before Jared replies, "...I'm at home, man, where I usually am at five am. Where did you think I was going to be?" and that's when the knot in Jensen's stomach loosens and then tightens again, even worse than before, because his brain decides to take that moment to wake up and smell the coffee. Jared isn't there because he isn't meant to be there. The week has ended and they're back with things the way they normally are.
For some reason, the relief Jensen should be feeling is not there.
"Sorry, man," he says uneasily into the phone. "I was uh, dreamin' or somethin'. I'll see you later."
Jared laughs clear and bright into the phone. "You better tell me that dream later, sounds whacked," he says. I'll see you soon, man," and they end the conversation.
Jensen feels like his world's maybe ended a little bit too.
* * * * *
This Monday morning feels like a repeat of the last one in the way Jensen acts, only instead of it being because he doesn't want to be touched by Jared, it's because he's trying so hard not to touch Jared himself. He speaks little, afraid that he'll let his affection slip somehow, even though he never picked up any of Jared's pet names, and slumps in the furthest corner of the car, when he'd much rather be lying down with his head in Jared's lap the way they'd done a few mornings ago.
In makeup, the girls try to make conversation as usual, and then when they realise it isn't working, turn instead to commanding him to cheer up, while poking him with hairbrushes. He sinks down further into his chair, has to be prodded into sitting back up so Jeannie can style his hair, and feels miserable.
Then Jared interjects, "Hey, guys, leave him alone. He's probably just comin' down with somethin' or didn't get enough sleep," and that makes him feel about ten times worse, even though the girls do take heed of Jared's words.
The first few scenes are fine, because they call for Dean to be angsty and broody, and Jensen is having no trouble whatsoever with that this morning. Then they skip backwards through about half an episode, to the point at which Dean is practically frothing at the mouth with excitement, except he isn't in the slightest. After the sixth exasperated, "Cut," Jensen mumbles, "Sorry, man, I'm not..." but doesn't get to finish saying what he's not, because he gets dragged away.
He registers Kim yelling, "Fifteen minutes!" at them as Jared directs him away from the set and behind some trailers.
"Okay, what's up?" Jared asks, and Jensen feels like he's in Groundhog Day or something. God, he hopes he doesn't start looking like Bill Murray.
"Seriously, Jen, what's going on with you?" Jared pushes when he doesn't answer, and Jensen drags his eyes back up to meet Jared's. "You never have this much trouble putting stuff aside."
"I know, I'm just..." Jensen looks away, shakes his head and reminds himself that he cannot explain this, not to Jared. "I'm miserable because I'm not dating you," are not exactly the words any man wants to say to his best friend, especially one he sees sixteen hours a day. "I'll get over it," he sighs. "It's too complicated to explain right now." He uses the excuse because there's no possible way he can tell Jared that he just can't tell him, because all that would get him is the killer hurt look that Jared uses for Sam, and he'd be spilling his guts all over the floor before he knew it. So he buys some time for now, resolves to shove this feeling to the back of his mind at least until the end of the working day, and figures he'll make up a lie later. It kills him to even think of lying to Jared, but it's better than the truth.
The rest of the day is excruciating. Jensen pushes himself to the limit to play Dean happy, something that should be as easy as anything, and the effort shows. When Kim finally wraps those scenes and moves onto angry ones, Jensen practically sighs with relief, and more than a few people are staring by the end when he uses the character to let some steam off. At lunch, everyone acts like they're afraid of him, and Jared sits with him in almost silence, until he can't take it any more and mumbles, "Goin' for a walk." Jared nods, just barely, and Jensen ignores the concerned look he knows is directed at his back. It's just not the same when it's not followed by Jared breaking down his defences simply by touch.
* * * * *
Jensen tries to fool himself into treating his feelings like a simple crush, one that would go away soon, but spending so much time together does nothing but intensify them, and he starts to feel desperate. About the time Jared asks him again, "What's wrong, man?" and he has to physically fight to keep himself from leaning into Jared's chest for comfort, he seriously considers counselling. This is just wrong. It's messing with everything. If he ever meets that Lexi girl again, he's going to fucking kill her. Dealing with Jared touching him all the time was hard, at least at the beginning. But dealing with Jared not touching him - at least not in the way he wants - is pure torture.
He doesn't make it to the counsellor, though, because Jared gets to him first. On Thursday, the moment they finish shooting, he turns to Jensen and says, "I'm coming home with you," and refuses to listen to one word of disagreement. He instructs Mark to take them to his first so they can get the dogs, and Jensen feels like he wants to cry with the similarity, but he holds it together.
"Sit your ass down," Jared commands when they enter the apartment. He heads for the kitchen as he talks. "I'm going to feed the dogs, and then we're going to talk. So get comfortable."
"It's my apartment, y'know," Jensen replies, attempting to sound annoyed at being ordered around in his own home, but he hasn't got the energy for it and it comes out flat. Jared ignores him, anyhow. Jensen listens to him moving around in the kitchen for a few minutes, talking to the dogs as though he's having a normal human conversation. When Jared comes back, he passes a beer to Jensen, then sits next to him, leaning one arm on the back of the sofa with his head propped up on his hand. He just stares, long enough to make Jensen nervous.
"What?" he asks finally, raising an eyebrow.
"Where'd this mood come from?" Jared asks in reply. "This thing you've been doing all week. Moping and not talking to anyone and using Dean like therapy."
"You really don't wanna know," Jensen sighs, being honest.
Jared frowns. "The hell I don't. Try me."
Jensen looks at him, sideways, then away again. "Seriously. Don't, man."
"I'm your best friend!" Jared exclaims, and doesn't that just make it ten times worse? Jensen knows Jared sees the involuntary wince he does at that, and waits for the fallout. "What the hell?"
Jensen shakes his head even as he speaks. "I'm not going to tell you. But I'll let you in on just how fucked up it is. What'd we do last Saturday?"
Jared stalls at that, thrown away from the subject, or so he thinks. "Uh...we went out with Mike and Tom?"
"Mmhmm," Jensen agrees. "And did you, at any point, start dirty dancing with Mike?"
"No?" Jared replies, sounding completely thrown, but it's a question because he does have to wonder, was he drunk enough to do that? He doesn't remember being that drunk [and a really, really high level of wasted would be needed for that to happen] but if Jensen's asking, maybe he was.
"Yeah, well, on my Saturday you did," Jensen says, and things make even less sense than they already did.
There's a long pause, eventually broken by a, "Huh?" Jared shakes his head a little, as though trying to clear water from his ears.
Jensen turns his head to fix him with a pointed look. "Exactly," he replies. "Also, I did some sort of fucking counselling session with Tom, where he whined about not getting into Mike's pants."
"They don't already do that?" Jared asks seriously, and Jensen laughs.
"Are you kidding? They've been dancing around it for years, but no dice. They're both too pussy."
"Huh," Jared exhales, and thinks on it for a long moment before suddenly jerking his head back up to look at Jensen. "Anyway, so not the point. What the hell do you mean, that's what happened on your Saturday?"
Jensen sighs dramatically, knowing that this is the moment of truth, only to Jared it'll seem like a fantastic lie. He closes his eyes for a second or two, then opens them again, but doesn't look at Jared when he says, "I got cursed."
The response is a startled, involuntary laugh. "You what?"
Jensen turns to meet Jared's eyes now, giving him the look again that says I told you not to push this. "I got cursed," he repeats, and he sounds angrier now. "Some fangirl, who didn't like me when I wouldn't read her shit, cursed me. And I spent a week living an entirely different life to you and everyone else. Although apparently, y'all got on fine without me."
Jared's eyes widen slightly. He knows Jensen's angry when he isn't consciously censoring his Texas accent.
The air is tense for a long while; neither knows what to say. Eventually, Jared manages to spit out, "How?"
"No idea," Jensen replies, shaking his head and looking away again, like he still can't believe it happened. "She just sent me a letter basically telling me I was going to have a horrible week and I deserved it. Which, I might add, I did not."
"So what was your week like?" Jared asks, and that's when it hits Jensen how ludicrous this is; Jared just taking his words at face value, both because he trusts Jensen implicitly and because Supernatural has taught them both to be a lot more receptive to odd encounters.
He barks out a laugh before registering the question, then frowns. "She fucked things up for me," he replies, hand coming up to rub the back of his neck. He can't explain this part, needs to keep it vague.
But Jared, as ever, can't possibly leave it there. "How?" he asks.
"Bunch of stuff," Jensen replies evasively.
"Like...?" Jared presses, earning a sigh for his troubles.
"Like I said man, don't," and Jensen is all too aware of just how flimsy his defences are against Jared. If Jared asked him enough times to shoot himself in the head, he'd probably do it.
"No, c'mon," Jared wheedles. "You can't just say that. What, did she turn you into a girl or something?"
Jensen laughs, shocked and half-relieved. "No, thank god. Might've been better if she did, though." Oh, fuck. He hadn't meant to say that.
"Why?" Jared questions, sounding absolutely baffled, and he is so close, without even knowing it...then he kicks down the last wall, with no effort whatsoever. "You gotta tell me. I won't laugh, no matter how bad it is."
"She made me into your boyfriend," Jensen blurts out, like he can't keep it in any longer. "Everything was the same, except that we were dating. And everyone knew, and just thought it was cute or something."
"Didn't I, like, get a say in this?" Jared asks.
"Yeah," Jensen half-laughs, "But you were mostly saying baby."
The silence that follows is the single most awkward silence either of them has ever lived through, and Jensen wants to throw himself headfirst into something to forget this conversation, preferably a wall. "Sorry, man," Jared says, after a long while.
Jensen looks up at that, then catches his eye and looks down again. "Why're you sorry? Not your fucked up week, it was mine."
Jared half-shrugs. "Sorry I made you like...uncomfortable or whatever. Even if it was...other-me that I have no control over."
This is just like Jared, to apologise for something that wasn't his fault and couldn't be helped just because he doesn't like that it happened to Jensen, and it drives him crazy. "It's not your fault, man!" he insists, sounding a little pissed off. "It's just...me. I screwed up and I paid the price for it and it's over, whatever."
"But you're obviously still not good with it," Jared reasons. "You've been moody for days now." He pauses, then adds, "Was it that bad?"
The tone of voice he uses, unknowingly, that speaks volumes about insecurity and too much trust, makes Jensen want to kick himself in the balls. "No, man," he breathes, honest. "You really weren't. You were...great."
"Then..." Jared prompts, but Jensen just looks at him and then away again. He can't say it. But if Jared figures it out, well, that's not the same thing at all.
Finally, finally, Jared twigs, and his expression changes instantaneously. "Holy shit," he half-laughs. "You liked it?"
Jensen looks at him, but can't reply. He looks away.
But Jared's undeterred. "Wow," he continues, sounding awed. "You liked us...bein' boyfriends." He stares off into the middle-distance after that, apparently musing over something, and it takes a while before Jensen gets the courage to look at him again.
Jared senses the look and meets his eyes, with an interesting expression in his own. They stare at one another for a long moment, the air charged, but not tense. It's as though Jensen's asked a question and he's waiting for Jared's answer, without either one of them realising it.
"Can I kiss you?" Jared asks, not quiet or shy, like it's some perfectly reasonable question like, "Wanna get Chinese food?" and hell, maybe it is. Because Jensen answers the same way, just nods like it's nothing, and when they lean in and come together, it's easy and perfect and normal.
When they break apart, a fair few minutes later, Jensen can't help the smile that breaks over his face at Jared's surprised-happy look.
Jared breathes out suddenly, a whoosh of air, and then has to concentrate on breathing in again. "You've been practising," he says, mock-accusatory, and Jensen laughs loudly. "That's so not fair," he continues, and then he's moving in again, and once again it feels like this is the normal, and the hell Jensen's been through since Monday was the weird way of life.
"So, uh," Jared tries to speak, much later, has to work hard on forming coherant sentences. "You gonna let me...have a go at this, thing?"
Jensen's mouth twists into a half-smile. "You mean, can we try the boyfriend thing?"
"Yeah, that," Jared nods, big and enthusiastic, happy Jensen's able to articulate things when he can't quite do it. "Can we do that?"
"Sure," Jensen grins. "I just gotta do one thing first, though."
"What?" Jared looks like he's had a prize torn away from him at the fairground as Jensen gets up and walks over to his desk.
"Write a thank-you letter to a fangirl," Jensen smirks.
Pic//Blink-sum-new-muse
Author: Blink-sum-new-muse
Rating: R
Fandom: CW RP
Summary: So one morning, Jensen wakes up and his life suddenly isn't his any more.
Disclaimer: I do not own Jensen Ackles, Jared Padalecki, Eric Kripke, Shannon Coppin, Kim Manners, Tom Welling, Michael Rosenbaum, Jeannie Chow, Bill Murray or any of their families. I also don't own Supernatural. I do, however [unfortunately], own Lexi Morgan. Fiction is the word, and the words are mine.
Status: Finished.
Notes: This is part angst, part sex and part crack. I think. Still, it is not my street 'verse, so those of you who despaired at that should like it!
So one morning, Jensen wakes up and his life suddenly isn't his any more.
It looks the same, to an outsider [that is, most people outside of the Vancouver-shaped bubble he lives in nine months out of the year]. His appearance hasn't changed, his wardrobe hasn't changed, he's still living in the same rented apartment with the same truck sitting outside and all the familiar numbers in his cellphone. He still plays Dean Winchester on a TV show, and his best friend is still one Jared Padalecki.
Only that's not all he is. Somehow, in this life, Jared Padelecki is his partner.
Partner in the sense that the first clue Jensen gets as to this not being his life any more is when Jared wakes him up by chewing on his earlobe. Jared is a hands-on kind of guy, for sure, and Jensen is well aware of that. But that hands-on attitude usually stops before it gets to the bedroom, except for those few times when one or both of them has been either really sick, really tired or really drunk, and even then it generally only means passing out next to one another, even if Jared does have a tendancy to cuddle in his sleep [much like when he's awake].
However, hands-on or not, Jared has never chewed Jensen's earlobe before, because chewing on any part of your friends just isn't seen as the done thing, at least not in Texas [Jensen's aware the rules might've been different if they'd grown up in San Francisco, but luckily they didn't] and Jared especially never touches his ears. This is mostly because he doesn't touch any of Jensen's face a whole lot, because that's not what straight friends do, even straight friends who are as touchy-feely as Jared, but is also slightly because he once did touch Jensen's ear accidentally with his thumb while curling an arm around his neck, and Jensen had jumped about a foot in the air.
At his friend's gaping expression, Jensen had coloured and replied, "Dude, people touching my ears freaks me out. It's creepy," and missed out, "It also totally turns me on." There were only two possible reactions to Jensen's ears being touched, but he didn't mention the second one because...well, it's just not done, is it?
Apparently, however, in this life which isn't his, either Jensen has mentioned this to Jared or Jared's figured it out for himself, because Jared is fooling around with Jensen's ear like he's been told that playing with it will make it dispense unlimited free candy. Jensen really, really hopes this isn't true, because there's weird [your best friend tonguing your ear] and then there's really fucked up.
"Morning, baby," is Jensen's second clue, and the kiss that follows is when he stops being able to count, because his brain is too busy going, "Uh, what the fuck is going on? Help!" Unfortunately, the only person around that Jensen could ask for help is Jared, and that plan's never going to work for two reasons; one, Jensen doesn't want to try to explain this, because Jared is much more likely to freak out than to be of any help in these sorts of situations, and two, it's kind of hard to talk with your best friend's tongue in your mouth.
After what seems like forever, Jared finally disengages their mouths and leans back, hovering over Jensen still like an over-inquisitive dog. "You okay?" he asks, frowning minutely in the way he does when he's not sure of something.
Jensen manages a noise which sounds approximately like, "Unnh," and tries to nod his head slightly, which Jared seems satisfied with. Luckily, in this life Jared is still apparently aware of Jensen's absolute inability to communicate verbally for at least thirty minutes after waking up.
"I'll start the coffee," Jared tells him, crawling off Jensen and the bed until he's standing and stretching, and man, he looks even taller with his arms above his head and only wearing boxer shorts. "You grab a shower. Fifteen minutes. Don't fall asleep again!" His warning is accompanied with a warm smile, and then he leaves.
Jensen feels paralysed. He also thinks that this might be easier to handle if he was actually physically unable to move, some screw up with nerves or neurons or whatever it is that stops your body responding to commands, rather than him just being paralysed because he has absolutely no idea what to do or how to do it.
Jared had said, "Shower," and most mornings, even Jensen in his zombiefied state can deal with that, but most mornings don't involve Jared's tongue in his mouth or his ear, or Jared in his bed, and what if he opens the shower and Eric is already in there waiting for him to join him or something?
The part of Jensen's body that had become incredibly interested during Jared's wake-up call retreats at that thought, and at least that's one thing Jensen guesses he can be thankful for. Still, it's a very minor thing, because he's still lying in his bed while Jared's making coffee downstairs in his kitchen like this is all totally normal and really, one of them should at least be drunk right now. Jensen very desperately wants it to be him.
* * * * *
If you asked how Jensen couldn't tell you, but he manages to get out of bed and continue with his morning without breaking down or completely freezing again, even despite Jared's kissing him again [when he handed him his coffee, when he came down from his own shower, while they were waiting for the car to come pick them up [and that one must have lasted for at least two months]]. They make it to set without Jensen saying a word to the tune of, "This is not my life," despite Jared calling him baby four more times, asking him if he was going to feed the dogs like it was something he did often and should have already done, and their driver looking in the rearview and turning around to smirk, "Aww, he looks exhausted! Did you have to wear him out that much, Jared?"
In makeup, Shannon berates them both equally, along with similiar allusions to their nocturnal activities, and Jensen has never been more thankful of his acting skills when Jared smiles and says, "I think he's feelin' a bit under the weather this mornin'," before kissing him, again, and this time in front of other people, people they see every day. Jensen smiles weakly and nods and takes the lifeline, oh sure, he's sick, and slumps down gratefully in a chair while the girls coo sympathetically and warn Jared to take good care of him, like it's totally normal for Jared to speak Jensen's mind and for them to get Jensen to do something by asking Jared to do it instead.
Which, if he's honest, is kind of normal, in the life where he and Jared occasionally play ice hockey, rather than frequently playing tonsil hockey.
The morning's work, thankfully, isn't too different, except for the way Jared touches him more between takes, and has to be asked on two occasions, with an accompanying eyeroll, to try not to feel up his brother. When Jared just whines, "It's your fault you made Dean Winchester so hot!" Jensen actually snorts with laughter, because the jokes and trying Kim's patience is normal, even if the vehicle for such activities isn't. Jared smiles huge when he hears Jensen laugh, and Jensen smiles back because he realises that Jared's so happy because he's pulled Jensen out of his funk, even for a moment. Jared does that a lot, so this isn't uncommon, but it still makes him happy, even with all this weirdness going on, that Jared is happy when he's happy.
Once Jensen makes this connection, he thinks that they are perhaps a bit pathetic, but that doesn't stop him from screwing up the next two takes because he keeps looking over at Jared and smiling, while Sam and Dean are supposed to be having a heated argument.
* * * * *
So working is fine, because even in this life Jared is able to [mostly] put aside his personal issues, whether they may be being upset over Harley getting sick or his insatiable need to touch Jensen, but when lunch comes it's back to the wake-up Jared, the one who thinks it's perfectly acceptable to have one hand in Jensen's back pocket all through the lunch line, other balancing his boxes and trays of food with careful skill [honed from many years of eating more than any person should be able to carry, let alone eat]. When they get to their table and Jared sits beside him instead of opposite him, actually holding up a piece of food to Jensen's lips instead of his usual tactic of insisting he should try it for thirty minutes straight, Jensen realises that he's going to be too distracted to eat anything anyway, so he may as well not bother to try.
When he says he's going to go to his trailer to lie down, Jared stops eating to stand up with him, puts arms around his waist as if to stop him for a minute, asking, "Hey, are you really getting sick? You need to go home? You should drink something at least, you shouldn't get dehydrated."
Jensen mumbles that he's okay, just feeling tired and his stomach's a bit strange, but it doesn't feel like anything major and yeah, he's sure he'll be okay on his own. Even so, it takes him a good three minutes to manage to get Jared to let him go, and when he does make it to his trailer, the first thing he does is turn around and lock the door behind him. Everyone outside is stark raving fucking mad, but in here there is just Jensen, who knows the real laws of the universe, dammit, one being that he is not dating Jared, and everyone knows it.
Except they don't, and he is, and he frowns. It's the first time he's had to think about it all day. How in the hell did this happen? Sure, Jensen has a major role in a show called Supernatural, but that's a show, not life. Then again, in life this would never happen, at least not life as he knew it, so Jensen's pretty sure he has to start thinking outside the box a little. Dean Winchester has rubbed off on him in more ways than one.
When lunch ends, he's none the wiser, despite his abstract thinking, and it's with a frustrated sigh that he heaves himself up and out to a world that readily believes he and Jared are frequent inhabitants of each other's pants.
* * * * *
Usually, when work ends, Jensen will go back to his own apartment, make or order food for himself, and spend an hour or two winding down before he goes to bed. This differs on days when they manage to shoot for less than ten hours, or weekends; i.e. when they have some time left to actually have a life. Then, Jensen will either end up at Jared's house, or with Jared at his apartment. On weekends they don't generally make plans, just show up at each other's houses if they didn't already end up staying over on Friday night.
Jensen guesses, however, that if he woke up this morning with Jared curled around him and waking him up by the method of arousal, he's not going to get away with a quick kiss on the cheek before he and Jared part to go their separate ways. He's exactly right. When they finish - after Jared's said goodnight to absolutely everyone they come across including the cleaners and the night security, all of whom he knows by name - they head for the same car with Jared's hand on the small of Jensen's back, and Jared says, "You're out of anything edible. We'll go to mine." He instructs the driver - Mark, this time, who never says a word that isn't related to his job, and Jensen's never thought about being grateful for it before, but he sure is now - to go to Jensen's first, just to pick up the dogs, and then to take them on to Jared's. Mark nods silently and pulls away, and Jensen wonders how much longer he'll have to survive this day before he's allowed to slip into the blissful unknown of sleep [even if he does have to do it with Jared curled around him].
As it turns out, it's not much longer at all, because no sooner are they back at the house than Jared insists that Jensen should go straight to bed, get some extra sleep because if he is coming down with something, it'll help him to fight it. Jensen knows he doesn't really know what he's talking about, is spouting half-facts badly remembered from his childhood, but he appreciates the thought. He stumbles his way through his bedtime routine, barely blinking by now when Jared leans in to kiss him again before they finally get into bed, and even initiates a final kiss when they're all cuddled up together because it seems like the right thing to do. From the smile on Jared's face, it is, so Jensen puts aside the thoughts about how this is not his life and settles down to sleep.
* * * * *
The following morning, Jensen wakes up to the weirdest feeling he's ever had upon waking, far surpassing that of the previous morning: the feeling of having his best friend grinding into him. He opens his eyes, torn between shocked and aroused because he was asleep and he's only human, after all, and that's when Jared grins and leans down to kiss him, now that he's awake, and at this time of day Jensen can't process anything other than, "This feels awesome," so he grabs onto Jared's biceps and kisses back and moves his own hips without realising it, and comes with a shout a few minutes later.
During the comedown is when he realises that Jared's pushed both of their boxers down to their ankles, and that consequently, he is lying with his best friend on top of him, their dicks touching, and their come mingling between their stomachs. When memories of the day before start coming back, it doesn't help with the fact that he's starting to freak out, but at least things make a little more sense. Though only a little, because he still doesn't know what the hell is going on.
Jared distracts him from the freaking out unintentionally by making a rather thorough and fantastic exploration of Jensen's mouth with his tongue, and just when Jensen's forgotten about everything else except, "I'd like more of this, please," Jared pulls back, tells him they've got time this morning so he can wait for a bit while Jared showers and, he says, "Recharge your batteries." Jared is as much of a dork in this universe as he is in any other, because Jared not being a dork would be like the sun not rising and setting, but Jensen still snorts a laugh because he's still susceptible to this particular brand of dorkiness, as ever.
Resting might have been a nice idea, but Jensen's brain has now gone into overdrive, so while Jared showers he reconciles the fact that he just sort of had sex with his best friend with the reasoning, "I was asleep when we started and this isn't really my life, anyway, so it doesn't count," and then he gets back to wondering how, exactly, he got transported into some kind of alternate universe.
The answer doesn't come to him then, but roughly half an hour later, when he's chewing on a piece of toast and leafing through fanmail. He gets a big bag of it delivered every week, and doesn't have nearly enough time to even look at most of it, much less answer it, but he does like to see it at least and if anything looks especially interesting, he'll pull it out and skim-read it.
A bright sparkly pink envelope with the words, "YOU'LL WANT TO READ THIS," emblazoned on the front in permanent marker, oddly enough, catches his eye. He pulls it out of the mailbag, opening it with a butter knife and ignoring Jared's snort of laughter.
"They know your style, that's for sure," Jared comments, but Jensen's too interested in the contents of the envelope to reply. He pulls the letter out, a page or two of hot pink notepaper with fairies in the corners, and begins to read:
Dear Jensen,
I hope you're enjoying your new life. Actually, that's a lie. I hope you aren't. However, as annoyed as I might be, I do have to thank you, because if it weren't for Supernatural I wouldn't have known where to go to find out how to set this curse you're currently living. Is Jared with you now? I'll bet he is. I bet he's touching you, too, even if not sexually.
Jensen looks up from the letter, confused and faintly disturbed, and checks. The letter-writer is right; Jared's hand is on his knee. He hadn't even noticed, which is a bit weird, but what's a lot more weird is the fact that this person knew. His eyes widen slightly, but he continues reading:
Yeah, this whole thing about him suddenly being your boyfriend? That's me. Call it a gift, since you didn't like the first one I gave you. Maybe you'll appreciate this more. But I am determined to teach you about Alternate Universe, whether you like it or not. It'll wear off after a week, unfortunately, but all good things must come to an end. Still, I hope you enjoy it.
No, wait. I don't.
Yours spitefully,
Lexi Morgan
It takes a few seconds, but when the penny drops, Jensen's jaw goes with it. Lexi Morgan was a fangirl he'd met at one of the Supernatural conventions, a month or so ago now. Normally he was terrible at remembering both faces and names, especially with the amount of people they met, but she'd stuck in his mind. She'd come up with a large sheaf of papers for him, said it was a fanfic she'd written, AU. When Jensen asked what AU meant, she explained it was 'alternate universe'; i.e. one in which they weren't just friends who worked on Supernatural. In this universe, they were lovers who lived in Texas and had ranches, apparently.
She'd asked Jensen if he would read her fic, and let her know what he thought, but he was a little creeped out. He'd laughed and shaken his head, saying, "No, I keep away from that stuff. It's Jared and Eric who get obsessive over it. I prefer not to know," and her hopeful smile had turned to a downright mean look, a glare before she flounced off. He'd been startled, but had no time to dwell on it with a long line of people waiting, and so moved on with only a small hitch.
However, it appeared that she hadn't gotten over it as easily as he had.
"Son of a bitch!" Jensen exclaims in a very Dean Winchester-esque manner, making Jared look up from his newspaper.
"What's wrong?" he asks, concerned, and squeezes the knee his hand's still resting on. Jensen jerks in surprise and bangs his knee on the table.
"Fuck!" he yells in pain and shock, and grabs at it with one hand as his other crumples the letter up. Jared's looking bewildered. "Nothing," he mutters, trying to get some control back. "Just remembered something. Gotta pay someone back."
Jared nods, slowly, like he's trying not to scare Jensen, and says, "Okay," in a really slow voice. Jensen is thankful when the horn sounds outside, signalling the car's arrival.
* * * * *
By lunchtime his mood has gone so south it's almost reached Mexico, and everyone is pissed off with him except Jared. Actually, he thinks Jared's probably pissed off with him too, but he's trying to give him a little more leeway and not show it because he's his boyfriend and that's what boyfriends are supposed to do, and that just pisses him off even more, so it's no surprise that when they finally break for lunch, Jared drags him off as everyone around utters a collective sigh of relief and shoves him behind a trailer.
"Okay, what's wrong?" Jared asks, in a half-menacing, half-concerned tone. "You've been at everyone's throats all morning. Someone's going to hit you soon, and I don't know if I'm going to want to stop them." Jensen must look hurt at that, although he doesn't register his own facial expression, because Jared quickly amends, "Okay, so I will. You know I will. But man, they might be justified. You've been horrible to be around. What is it?"
Jensen looks up at the guy who believes he's Jensen's boyfriend. Who has just said he will stop anyone from hurting Jensen even if he agrees they're justified, who's making him sort this out before anyone else gets snapped at, before they even get food, and who because of those reasons and many more, is Jensen's best friend. And he can't tell the truth, because even though he's pretty sure Jared would believe him, because he trusts him, it would suck. Jared would be upset that they weren't really dating if he thought they were, and he'd think he'd made Jensen do all this stuff he hadn't wanted to do, and he'd want to strangle the fangirl on Jensen's behalf even though that wouldn't do any good and it sounded like the only thing he could do was to wait it out.
Nah, Jensen thinks, it's not worth the trouble. Just a week. I can handle that. And when it ends, I'll just get really, really drunk and pretend the whole thing was something dumb I did when I was wasted.
"I'm sorry," Jensen replies, leaning forward to rest his head on Jared's chest and being rewarded with the other man's arms coming around him to hold him close. "I just got up on the wrong side of the bed or somethin'. I'll try and be nicer."
"Are you sure?" Jared presses, using a hand to pull Jensen's face up to look at his.
"Sure," Jensen agrees, and Jared kisses him. He saw that one coming, and it's nothing other than agreement and comfort, and it's nice.
* * * * *
Two days pass in a blur of normality, mixed in with bizarre moments of Jared grabbing his ass or kissing him to within an inch of his life, or keeping an arm around his waist and glaring defiantly at anyone who dares to look at them askance when they're out getting coffee, and these moments are made even more bizarre by the fact that Jensen thinks he's already used to them. This isn't as weird as it should be, and that is weird.
His head starts to hurt when he tries to think about it, so he puts it to one side as often as possible, and goes with the flow. It's on day four of The Curse [as Jensen has taken to thinking about it, capital letters and all] that not thinking about it becomes virtually impossible, as that's the day they get a half day off because they've done all their shooting for the second unit and they're not ready yet to start the next episode, and Jared decides that it's the perfect time to maul Jensen the minute they get in the door.
Kissing, he's gotten the hang of. Groping, he can do. Even grinding, he knows. But Jared's hand is sneaking its way into his pants, and that is something...
He was going to think something new, and I don't know if I can do this but what comes out instead is something fantastic, and why the hell haven't we done this before? Jared knows all the tricks the way girls don't; he twists his hand a little at the top, thumbs over the head, uses his free hand to fondle Jensen's balls as well and basically makes Jensen come in about three minutes flat. He would be embarrassed, if it weren't for the dirty little smile Jared's giving him that makes him realise that Jared knew exactly what he was doing, and he isn't surprised in the slightest at his skills.
Then Jared presses forward, and Jensen's next thought is shit, he wants me to reciprocate. It's only fair, right? Even if it's weird, so was what they just did, so...it can't be that bad. Jensen moves forwards to duck his head into Jared's neck, sucking at the skin a little as his fingers search for Jared's fly, because in this position Jared can't see how nervous he is.
It's a little weird; it's sort of like jerking himself off, but Jared's a little longer and a little thinner, and he guesses they're both pretty proportionate. That thought makes him laugh, which makes him bite down to try to stave it off, which makes Jared give a funny little noise and grind forwards into him, and that's interesting. Jared likes a bit of pain with his pleasure, apparently. Jensen did not know that. But then, he had no reason to know that, before this week. He tries it again, getting much the same reaction, and smirks. That's nothing to do with being happy that he knows how to please Jared, and everything to do with the fact that he knows how to push his best friend's buttons. Fake-boyfriends or not, Jensen is still not above using any and all information to play pranks on and generally embarrass his friends.
Jared comes with a shudder, pressing into Jensen through the aftershocks, and Jensen feels pretty damn proud of himself.
* * * * *
When the weekend arrives, Jared announces that they're going out for drinks with Tom and Mike. This at least is still normal, and Jensen finds himself wondering what it'll be like to be a couple with Tom and Mike around. Turns out that nothing has changed with these two, either. They're still dancing around one another, pretending they're nothing more than a couple of good buddies, and their sexual tension takes the form of a huge white elephant.
What has changed, however, becomes apparent when Jensen's left alone with Tom, as Mike goes to the can and Jared is getting their next round in. Tom watches them both leave, then slumps forwards onto the table, head resting on his folded arms, looking downright miserable. "It's getting worse," he sighs.
"Huh?" Jensen asks, not knowing what he's talking about, and busy trying to fold a beermat into a cootie catcher. "What is?"
"Mike, idiot," Tom replies, and Jensen's not sure whether that means he's an idiot or Mike is, but he takes offence just in case. Tom doesn't seem to care, though, too caught up in his misery. "At the red carpet yesterday, I spent the whole night watching him flirt with this new PA we've got, while my date talked about the calories in wine and how backless is too backless on a dress. I mean, what? Doesn't backless just mean no back whatsoever?"
Jensen shrugs, nonplussed, and Tom rolls his eyes. "Some gay guy you are."
"Jared and I don't normally go for dresses, backless or otherwise," Jensen replies, and including Jared in his statement comes as easily as breathing.
"Anyway," Tom sighs, going for melancholy again. "He looked so fuckin' hot, too, wearing that suit, you know, the one that makes you want to rip it off with your teeth?"
"Can't say I do," Jensen says, mentally shuddering a little at the thought. Mike'd probably bite back, but he'd bite skin, not clothes. He was odd like that.
"The point is," Tom almost snaps, making Jensen raise an eyebrow, "I'm going insane."
"Why don't you just tell him?" Jensen asks incredulously.
Tom stares at him like he's just said he thinks the sky is yellow. "You know why, dumbass. A plethora of reasons, not least the fact that he's not gay. And if you don't like that, try he's my best friend and if he says no it would fuck up everything, or the fact that we work together and, see above."
"Jared and I are best friends who work together," Jensen reasons. "And Mike's not gay, maybe, but he's damn sure not straight."
Tom groans. "You guys got together though like as soon as you met," he says. "You weren't best friends first, it just all came together. And that was when you were still waiting to see if the pilot would get picked up, so you didn't have to do the awkward at work thing. It's not the same."
Jensen files these bits of information away in his mind, aware that they might come in useful later, in case anybody does ask him his own supposed history. It's an intriguing thought, actually: the idea that he and Jared had become lovers at the same time as they became best friends, rather than just the latter. There had been some minor sexual tension when they'd first met [in Jensen's real life], admittedly, but at the time he'd put that down to the fact that he hadn't gotten any in a very long while, they were both very attractive guys, Jared was the first openly bisexual man he'd really known, and they were thrust together for sixteen hours a day for about two weeks straight. So his brain was bound to get a bit confused. What if it hadn't been?
But he's left with no time to dwell on that thought, because Tom hits him with a beermat, square in the face, and then Jared returns and cuffs Tom around the head before kissing Jensen 'to make it better' and yeah, it's really not important.
* * * * *
On Saturday night, by the time they make it home they're almost too drunk to make it from the cab to the bedroom, so sex is out of the question. Sunday morning, though, is a different story. Jensen's in the middle of jerking Jared off, sucking on his tounge at the same time, when he suddenly wonders what it'd be like to suck on another part of Jared's anatomy, and he pulls back to ask, somewhat shyly, "Can I taste you?"
Jared looks minorly confused, but also like he's too aroused to bother thinking too deeply about that, so he simply huffs out a laugh and replies, "You don't need to ask, baby."
Jensen smiles, understanding that he really doesn't, this is all for him, and he makes his way down Jared's body torturously slowly. He swipes his tongue flat over the head of Jared's cock, experimentally, and realises that oddly enough, he already knows the taste. Probably from sucking on his neck so much, Jensen muses, and suckles on it with delight. Higher up, Jared's head slams back into the pillow as he groans, evidently taking something positive from the situation himself.
* * * * *
Monday morning begins dark and cold, and Jensen wakes up grudgingly, only because his alarm clock has the most annoying sound on the planet [purposely, because he knows how bad he is at getting up]. He hits the snooze button, burrowing down into the covers to gather warmth before he braves the cold room, and that's when he frowns, opening his eyes slowly for the first time. The alarm clock on its own was odd, because every morning for the past week he's been woken by Jared. But being cold as well is just bizarre. Jared is the human furnace, and he's taken to throwing covers off the past few nights, despite the Vancouver winter setting in.
Jensen opens his eyes to see nothing but an empty bed beside him. His eyes scan the room slowly, as though Jared might be hiding in one of the corners, trying not to giggle, but the search yields nothing and he's not really surprised. As dorky as it sounds, he can usually sense Jared's presense, and Jared is most definitely not currently present.
Still half-asleep, he reaches for his cellphone with a hard knot of tension in his stomach, and speed-dials Jared. The phone rings a few times, and then Jared's cheery voice comes over the line. "Hello?"
"Where are you?" Jensen asks, voice still rough with sleep. "It's only five, where the hell did you go?"
There's a pause before Jared replies, "...I'm at home, man, where I usually am at five am. Where did you think I was going to be?" and that's when the knot in Jensen's stomach loosens and then tightens again, even worse than before, because his brain decides to take that moment to wake up and smell the coffee. Jared isn't there because he isn't meant to be there. The week has ended and they're back with things the way they normally are.
For some reason, the relief Jensen should be feeling is not there.
"Sorry, man," he says uneasily into the phone. "I was uh, dreamin' or somethin'. I'll see you later."
Jared laughs clear and bright into the phone. "You better tell me that dream later, sounds whacked," he says. I'll see you soon, man," and they end the conversation.
Jensen feels like his world's maybe ended a little bit too.
* * * * *
This Monday morning feels like a repeat of the last one in the way Jensen acts, only instead of it being because he doesn't want to be touched by Jared, it's because he's trying so hard not to touch Jared himself. He speaks little, afraid that he'll let his affection slip somehow, even though he never picked up any of Jared's pet names, and slumps in the furthest corner of the car, when he'd much rather be lying down with his head in Jared's lap the way they'd done a few mornings ago.
In makeup, the girls try to make conversation as usual, and then when they realise it isn't working, turn instead to commanding him to cheer up, while poking him with hairbrushes. He sinks down further into his chair, has to be prodded into sitting back up so Jeannie can style his hair, and feels miserable.
Then Jared interjects, "Hey, guys, leave him alone. He's probably just comin' down with somethin' or didn't get enough sleep," and that makes him feel about ten times worse, even though the girls do take heed of Jared's words.
The first few scenes are fine, because they call for Dean to be angsty and broody, and Jensen is having no trouble whatsoever with that this morning. Then they skip backwards through about half an episode, to the point at which Dean is practically frothing at the mouth with excitement, except he isn't in the slightest. After the sixth exasperated, "Cut," Jensen mumbles, "Sorry, man, I'm not..." but doesn't get to finish saying what he's not, because he gets dragged away.
He registers Kim yelling, "Fifteen minutes!" at them as Jared directs him away from the set and behind some trailers.
"Okay, what's up?" Jared asks, and Jensen feels like he's in Groundhog Day or something. God, he hopes he doesn't start looking like Bill Murray.
"Seriously, Jen, what's going on with you?" Jared pushes when he doesn't answer, and Jensen drags his eyes back up to meet Jared's. "You never have this much trouble putting stuff aside."
"I know, I'm just..." Jensen looks away, shakes his head and reminds himself that he cannot explain this, not to Jared. "I'm miserable because I'm not dating you," are not exactly the words any man wants to say to his best friend, especially one he sees sixteen hours a day. "I'll get over it," he sighs. "It's too complicated to explain right now." He uses the excuse because there's no possible way he can tell Jared that he just can't tell him, because all that would get him is the killer hurt look that Jared uses for Sam, and he'd be spilling his guts all over the floor before he knew it. So he buys some time for now, resolves to shove this feeling to the back of his mind at least until the end of the working day, and figures he'll make up a lie later. It kills him to even think of lying to Jared, but it's better than the truth.
The rest of the day is excruciating. Jensen pushes himself to the limit to play Dean happy, something that should be as easy as anything, and the effort shows. When Kim finally wraps those scenes and moves onto angry ones, Jensen practically sighs with relief, and more than a few people are staring by the end when he uses the character to let some steam off. At lunch, everyone acts like they're afraid of him, and Jared sits with him in almost silence, until he can't take it any more and mumbles, "Goin' for a walk." Jared nods, just barely, and Jensen ignores the concerned look he knows is directed at his back. It's just not the same when it's not followed by Jared breaking down his defences simply by touch.
* * * * *
Jensen tries to fool himself into treating his feelings like a simple crush, one that would go away soon, but spending so much time together does nothing but intensify them, and he starts to feel desperate. About the time Jared asks him again, "What's wrong, man?" and he has to physically fight to keep himself from leaning into Jared's chest for comfort, he seriously considers counselling. This is just wrong. It's messing with everything. If he ever meets that Lexi girl again, he's going to fucking kill her. Dealing with Jared touching him all the time was hard, at least at the beginning. But dealing with Jared not touching him - at least not in the way he wants - is pure torture.
He doesn't make it to the counsellor, though, because Jared gets to him first. On Thursday, the moment they finish shooting, he turns to Jensen and says, "I'm coming home with you," and refuses to listen to one word of disagreement. He instructs Mark to take them to his first so they can get the dogs, and Jensen feels like he wants to cry with the similarity, but he holds it together.
"Sit your ass down," Jared commands when they enter the apartment. He heads for the kitchen as he talks. "I'm going to feed the dogs, and then we're going to talk. So get comfortable."
"It's my apartment, y'know," Jensen replies, attempting to sound annoyed at being ordered around in his own home, but he hasn't got the energy for it and it comes out flat. Jared ignores him, anyhow. Jensen listens to him moving around in the kitchen for a few minutes, talking to the dogs as though he's having a normal human conversation. When Jared comes back, he passes a beer to Jensen, then sits next to him, leaning one arm on the back of the sofa with his head propped up on his hand. He just stares, long enough to make Jensen nervous.
"What?" he asks finally, raising an eyebrow.
"Where'd this mood come from?" Jared asks in reply. "This thing you've been doing all week. Moping and not talking to anyone and using Dean like therapy."
"You really don't wanna know," Jensen sighs, being honest.
Jared frowns. "The hell I don't. Try me."
Jensen looks at him, sideways, then away again. "Seriously. Don't, man."
"I'm your best friend!" Jared exclaims, and doesn't that just make it ten times worse? Jensen knows Jared sees the involuntary wince he does at that, and waits for the fallout. "What the hell?"
Jensen shakes his head even as he speaks. "I'm not going to tell you. But I'll let you in on just how fucked up it is. What'd we do last Saturday?"
Jared stalls at that, thrown away from the subject, or so he thinks. "Uh...we went out with Mike and Tom?"
"Mmhmm," Jensen agrees. "And did you, at any point, start dirty dancing with Mike?"
"No?" Jared replies, sounding completely thrown, but it's a question because he does have to wonder, was he drunk enough to do that? He doesn't remember being that drunk [and a really, really high level of wasted would be needed for that to happen] but if Jensen's asking, maybe he was.
"Yeah, well, on my Saturday you did," Jensen says, and things make even less sense than they already did.
There's a long pause, eventually broken by a, "Huh?" Jared shakes his head a little, as though trying to clear water from his ears.
Jensen turns his head to fix him with a pointed look. "Exactly," he replies. "Also, I did some sort of fucking counselling session with Tom, where he whined about not getting into Mike's pants."
"They don't already do that?" Jared asks seriously, and Jensen laughs.
"Are you kidding? They've been dancing around it for years, but no dice. They're both too pussy."
"Huh," Jared exhales, and thinks on it for a long moment before suddenly jerking his head back up to look at Jensen. "Anyway, so not the point. What the hell do you mean, that's what happened on your Saturday?"
Jensen sighs dramatically, knowing that this is the moment of truth, only to Jared it'll seem like a fantastic lie. He closes his eyes for a second or two, then opens them again, but doesn't look at Jared when he says, "I got cursed."
The response is a startled, involuntary laugh. "You what?"
Jensen turns to meet Jared's eyes now, giving him the look again that says I told you not to push this. "I got cursed," he repeats, and he sounds angrier now. "Some fangirl, who didn't like me when I wouldn't read her shit, cursed me. And I spent a week living an entirely different life to you and everyone else. Although apparently, y'all got on fine without me."
Jared's eyes widen slightly. He knows Jensen's angry when he isn't consciously censoring his Texas accent.
The air is tense for a long while; neither knows what to say. Eventually, Jared manages to spit out, "How?"
"No idea," Jensen replies, shaking his head and looking away again, like he still can't believe it happened. "She just sent me a letter basically telling me I was going to have a horrible week and I deserved it. Which, I might add, I did not."
"So what was your week like?" Jared asks, and that's when it hits Jensen how ludicrous this is; Jared just taking his words at face value, both because he trusts Jensen implicitly and because Supernatural has taught them both to be a lot more receptive to odd encounters.
He barks out a laugh before registering the question, then frowns. "She fucked things up for me," he replies, hand coming up to rub the back of his neck. He can't explain this part, needs to keep it vague.
But Jared, as ever, can't possibly leave it there. "How?" he asks.
"Bunch of stuff," Jensen replies evasively.
"Like...?" Jared presses, earning a sigh for his troubles.
"Like I said man, don't," and Jensen is all too aware of just how flimsy his defences are against Jared. If Jared asked him enough times to shoot himself in the head, he'd probably do it.
"No, c'mon," Jared wheedles. "You can't just say that. What, did she turn you into a girl or something?"
Jensen laughs, shocked and half-relieved. "No, thank god. Might've been better if she did, though." Oh, fuck. He hadn't meant to say that.
"Why?" Jared questions, sounding absolutely baffled, and he is so close, without even knowing it...then he kicks down the last wall, with no effort whatsoever. "You gotta tell me. I won't laugh, no matter how bad it is."
"She made me into your boyfriend," Jensen blurts out, like he can't keep it in any longer. "Everything was the same, except that we were dating. And everyone knew, and just thought it was cute or something."
"Didn't I, like, get a say in this?" Jared asks.
"Yeah," Jensen half-laughs, "But you were mostly saying baby."
The silence that follows is the single most awkward silence either of them has ever lived through, and Jensen wants to throw himself headfirst into something to forget this conversation, preferably a wall. "Sorry, man," Jared says, after a long while.
Jensen looks up at that, then catches his eye and looks down again. "Why're you sorry? Not your fucked up week, it was mine."
Jared half-shrugs. "Sorry I made you like...uncomfortable or whatever. Even if it was...other-me that I have no control over."
This is just like Jared, to apologise for something that wasn't his fault and couldn't be helped just because he doesn't like that it happened to Jensen, and it drives him crazy. "It's not your fault, man!" he insists, sounding a little pissed off. "It's just...me. I screwed up and I paid the price for it and it's over, whatever."
"But you're obviously still not good with it," Jared reasons. "You've been moody for days now." He pauses, then adds, "Was it that bad?"
The tone of voice he uses, unknowingly, that speaks volumes about insecurity and too much trust, makes Jensen want to kick himself in the balls. "No, man," he breathes, honest. "You really weren't. You were...great."
"Then..." Jared prompts, but Jensen just looks at him and then away again. He can't say it. But if Jared figures it out, well, that's not the same thing at all.
Finally, finally, Jared twigs, and his expression changes instantaneously. "Holy shit," he half-laughs. "You liked it?"
Jensen looks at him, but can't reply. He looks away.
But Jared's undeterred. "Wow," he continues, sounding awed. "You liked us...bein' boyfriends." He stares off into the middle-distance after that, apparently musing over something, and it takes a while before Jensen gets the courage to look at him again.
Jared senses the look and meets his eyes, with an interesting expression in his own. They stare at one another for a long moment, the air charged, but not tense. It's as though Jensen's asked a question and he's waiting for Jared's answer, without either one of them realising it.
"Can I kiss you?" Jared asks, not quiet or shy, like it's some perfectly reasonable question like, "Wanna get Chinese food?" and hell, maybe it is. Because Jensen answers the same way, just nods like it's nothing, and when they lean in and come together, it's easy and perfect and normal.
When they break apart, a fair few minutes later, Jensen can't help the smile that breaks over his face at Jared's surprised-happy look.
Jared breathes out suddenly, a whoosh of air, and then has to concentrate on breathing in again. "You've been practising," he says, mock-accusatory, and Jensen laughs loudly. "That's so not fair," he continues, and then he's moving in again, and once again it feels like this is the normal, and the hell Jensen's been through since Monday was the weird way of life.
"So, uh," Jared tries to speak, much later, has to work hard on forming coherant sentences. "You gonna let me...have a go at this, thing?"
Jensen's mouth twists into a half-smile. "You mean, can we try the boyfriend thing?"
"Yeah, that," Jared nods, big and enthusiastic, happy Jensen's able to articulate things when he can't quite do it. "Can we do that?"
"Sure," Jensen grins. "I just gotta do one thing first, though."
"What?" Jared looks like he's had a prize torn away from him at the fairground as Jensen gets up and walks over to his desk.
"Write a thank-you letter to a fangirl," Jensen smirks.
Pic//Blink-sum-new-muse