The Tale of Sleeping Beauty, or A Marriage of Inconvenience
Title: The Tale of Sleeping Beauty, or A Marriage of Inconvenience
Fandom: New Hawaii Five-0
Pairing: Danny Williams/Steve McGarrett
Rating: NC-17
Summary: How Danny Williams came to Hawaii, found his One True Love and lived Happily Ever After
Disclaimer: Don't own them, no harm intended, no profit made etc.
Author's note: AU, a modern fairytale written for the After Holidays Prompt Fest on stevedannoslash. The blame lies with certain filthy enablers on my friends' list... they know who they are...
The Tale of Sleeping Beauty, or A Marriage of Inconvenience
Once Upon A Time, in a land not so very far away, there lived a dashing young prince called Danny Williams…
Well, OK, so that’s not exactly how this story goes, because Danny Williams is no prince. Princes are supposed to be tall, dark and handsome, and be related (at least distantly, anyway) to royalty. Danny Williams, on the other hand, is short, blond, and yes, OK, in the right light he passes for handsome. He also doesn't have a single drop of blue blood in his veins.
What he does have, however, is a diploma from the New Jersey Questing Department Academy (graduated second in his class, thank you very much). He's also got eighty-seven minor-to-medium-grade quests under his belt, and it's this track record that gets him landed with the Sleeping Beauty job. That, and the fact that everybody else of the right caliber in the department is currently sitting out the after-effects of a particularly nasty plague-of-boils enchantment, which Danny missed because that was the day the hot damsel in the red sports car rear-ended him (and he kind of thinks that maybe he should have asked her out, but the moment passed and now he's off to Hawaii).
”This is your chance, Williams," the Chief tells him. "Get out there, rescue that girl and marry her, and you've got it made."
"Marry her?" Danny had said, and that was when the Chief had pulled out the Rules and Regulations and educated him on the law pertaining to Royal Damsels in Distress, Rescuing and Succor Of. Because apparently you can't just waltz in, rescue the damsel and play fast and loose with her affections if she's of royal blood. Not proper Procedure.
"I'm trusting you to uphold the Department's honor, Williams. Show these islanders what a Jersey boy is made of, and we'll throw you a big wedding shindig, on the Department, to celebrate. Make us proud, son!"
And so that’s it, Danny Williams is off to Hawaii to seek his fortune.
* * * * *
The Sleeping Beauty job is Danny's first quest on foreign soil (unless you count that unpleasant business with the investment banker and the troll in Philadelphia, but that's only just over the border so it doesn't really count). He can’t say he’s really all that keen on the idea, he likes Jersey, likes the people, likes the food, and his family are all here, but hey, if you want to get on this world then sometimes you’ve got to push your boundaries. So Hawaii it is, and Danny just hopes he can get a result fast, get back to where he belongs, and get on with enjoying his glittering future.
Hawaii is lush and green, and the people are unrealistically beautiful. Danny finds himself a cheap apartment, and OK, it’s a lousy shithole, but he’s not planning on staying long, so he doesn’t care. The local QD officers are suspicious of him at first, and after all, who can blame them, a hotshot Questor brought in from the mainland to do what they’ve apparently failed to accomplish, but he stands his round at the bar, buys malasadas for everyone when it’s his turn, and after a couple of weeks he can feel a slight thaw beginning to set in. He’s never exactly going to fit in, he knows that, but who cares, because he’s not staying, right?
The details of the case are sketchy but familiar; minor local royalty falling foul of the head of a local sorcery ring, patriarch offed with a particularly messy killing curse, and no sign of the princess who was rumored to have recently returned from finishing school overseas somewhere. All this took place a few decades ago, but local memories are short (Danny privately believes it’s something to do with too much sunshine, salt water and shave ice addling the brain) and no-one seems too sure of the source of the recent rumors that have caused the case of the missing princess to be reopened.
It takes him three months to pick up a lead on the case, three months of hard graft, hot sunshine and too much sand everywhere. (And it chafes, OK? Because sand? Never stays where it belongs. Give Danny concrete any time.) Three months in Hawaiian hell leads him via a gun-running hobgoblin and the half-ogre proprietor of a shave ice stand to a witch who sells love potions out of the back of a surf shack, who succumbs to the Williams charm just long enough to give him sketchy directions to a property back of the North Shore and a map scribbled on a scrap of grimy parchment. It looks suspiciously like what it’s scribbled in is dried blood, but Danny doesn’t examine it too closely. Sometimes it’s better not to know.
So this is it, the big one. Danny makes all his preparations very carefully, choosing appropriate armament for dealing with any magical beast that might be on guard, tooling up with warding charms against all the most common hexes, and even purchasing a bona fide engagement ring. And OK, maybe the diamond is a bit on the small side, Department wages don’t exactly run to impressive stones, and thanks to Departmental cutbacks he’s had no luck one requisitioning one (“Look on it as an investment in your future, Williams,” were the Chief’s exact words), but it is an engagement ring, and it does have a diamond, and Danny figures he can always make it up to his bride later.
Because Danny reckons that that the boss is right, that this quest will be the one that makes him. If the princess matches up to the other women Danny’s seeing around him then Danny's got it made - hot trophy wife, blue-blooded to boot, no-one will ever mistake him for a waiter at the annual Department dinner-dance again. He'll be up there on the top table, baby, fast-tracked for great things. And all he's got to do is rescue one sleeping princess. How hard can that be?
* * * * *
In retrospect, of course, he can see that it was never going to be that simple. This is his life, after all.
The castle’s not that big, as castles go, and what with that and the wall of greenery it’s hidden behind (and seriously, are those really pineapples?), Danny’s pretty sure you’d drive right past it without realizing it was anything special. It’s laid about with wards but they’re antiquated, an intricate but old-fashioned security system, and a Questor of Danny’s caliber with a working knowledge of the most up-to-date spellology has no trouble disarming them and gaining entry to the premises.
The map leads him through the castle to a staircase; the staircase winds up and up into a tower; and at the top of the staircase a heavy wooden door opens into a room dominated by a big bed hung around with curtains. This is it, Danny thinks as he walks slowly across the room towards the bed, heart thumping and mouth dry. This is the moment he’s been waiting for and working towards. This is the moment that Danny Williams finally gets everything he deserves.
Danny hesitates for a moment because this... this is a life-changing event, and should be treated with due gravity and respect. He might also be just a little bit nervous about what he’s about to do, but that’s not something he’s even happy admitting to himself. So he pulls himself together, takes a deep breath and draws back the curtain to take a look at his bride-to-be...
And whoa, that can't be right. Because no fairytale princess Danny has ever heard of was quite so muscular, or sported quite such impressive tattoos or quite such a convincingly manly five o'clock shadow.
It appears that Sleeping Beauty is a dude. No way.
Danny consults his map feverishly. Definitely the right room. And this guy's definitely asleep. So this must be Sleeping Beauty. Apparently there's a typo in the Departmental report. Or somebody let that goblin out of the evidence locker again. Whatever. Sleeping Beauty is a dude and Danny's carefully constructed dreams of a stellar future as the golden boy of the NJQD are crumbling around him.
Danny closes his eyes and counts to ten, then swallows hard and takes another good long look at his intended. He has to admit that the guy is good-looking, handsome, even, with tousled dark hair, a strong jaw, and ridiculously long lashes that feather down across his cheekbones. A face one could get used to looking at, Danny thinks, if one were so inclined. Still a dude, though. And what the fuck does he do now?
The thing is, Danny's a conscientious man, and he came here to do a job. It doesn't seem fair somehow to leave Sleeping Beauty asleep just because there's been a departmental cock up, but Danny has no idea what will happen if he carries on according to the plan. However, fair’s fair, and Danny’s no coward, so he takes a deep breath, braces himself, leans in and kisses Sleeping Beauty full on the lips, lips that are surprisingly warm and much softer than he was expecting. He gives it his best shot, makes it count, because he feels ridiculous and he's only doing this once, then pulls away and waits to see what happens next.
For a moment there's no change, then those dark lashes flutter and Danny finds himself staring into a pair of startled hazel eyes... and whatever Danny was expecting next, it wasn't to be suddenly and inexplicably pinned to the floor with one arm twisted up behind him and a gun to the back of his head. Because seriously, where in any of the fairytales does it mention that princesses keep automatic weapons under their pillows?
"Who are you, and what are you doing here?" Sleeping Beauty's voice matches his muscles. Definitely not your average princess.
It’s been a long time since anyone got the jump on Danny, and he feels vaguely pissed about it. “Questor Danny Williams, seconded to the HQD. I’m here to rescue you, asshole, so if you’d just let me up...”
That earns him a jab from the muzzle of the gun. “I.D?”
”Back pocket. If you’ll just let me...” but Sleeping Beauty’s already there, hand feeling round the curve of Danny’s ass, and really that should not be sending any sort of frisson of anything to Danny’s dick, no way. Because being pinned down and groped by the princess you were supposed to be rescuing? Should so not be a turn on for any self-respecting member of the New Jersey Questing Department.
However hot and badass said princess might be.
Sleeping Beauty finds what he’s looking for and pulls it out. “Satisfied now?” Danny snaps, and Sleeping Beauty gets off him, offers him a hand up that Danny pointedly ignores, then stands back with his arms crossed and watches as Danny brushes the dust off his pants and tries to compose himself.
The way that Sleeping Beauty’s biceps bulge when he crosses his arms isn’t exactly helping Danny with the composure thing.
”Hey man,” Sleeping Beauty says, “I’m sorry about that, it’s just you weren’t exactly what I was expecting.”
”I wasn’t what you were expecting? What about me?”
Sleeping Beauty frowns, a line appearing between his eyebrows, and somehow it manages to make him look both hotter and even more badass. It really isn’t fair. “What d’you mean, what about you?”
”What about what I was expecting? You're supposed to be a princess!"
This gets him a raised eyebrow. "Well, you're supposed to be a handsome prince..."
And Danny’s so not rising to that one, he really isn’t. “Whatever. The fact is, you’re not a princess, and that leaves me with a problem.”
The frown is back. ”A problem?”
"Yes, a problem. Because proper quest Procedure states that I'm supposed to wake the princess, marry her and live happily ever after!"
Sleeping Beauty looks thoughtful for a moment, looks Danny up and down speculatively, and then grins. "We could get married. If that would help."
"Uh, no offence, princess, but you're not quite what I had in mind."
"Oh?" Sleeping Beauty looks puzzled. "What were you expecting?"
"Something a little more... well... something a bit... blonder, maybe. And curvier, definitely curvier. And maybe not quite so... tall. And the whole... muscles and tattoos thing... well, no offence, but it doesn't exactly scream 'fairytale princess', does it?"
And now Danny feels bad, because Sleeping Beauty looks hurt. In fact Danny might almost say there's a slight pout going on over there.
"Well, I've never had any complaints before."
Danny sighs. "No offence intended, because you seem nice enough... and it's not that I don't think you're attractive, because you're obviously a hot guy, I can see that, the muscles are, uh, impressive... and the whole tight black T-shirt thing you've got going on there is really working well for you, I have to say..." and maybe Danny's starting to feel a bit hot under the collar here, because yeah, the black T does define Sleeping Beauty's pecs rather nicely...
"...it's just that I was supposed to marry you, and then we were supposed to go back to New Jersey where you'd be my trophy wife and we'd give dinner parties for the high-ups in the Department and I'd get a step up the career ladder..."
"We could still do that..."
Danny really can’t see Sleeping Beauty passing round canapés and making polite small talk with the Chief’s wife. Or, more worryingly, maybe he can. Either way, it’s not a good image.
"...and we'd have three adorable blond-haired children and grow old together living Happily Ever After."
"Ah."
"Yes, 'ah'."
Sleeping Beauty shrugs. "Well then, just don't marry me."
"But I have to marry you! It's Procedure! I marry you, thus preserving your honor and being rewarded for my bravery and derring-do, and we live Happily Ever After. It's in the Regulations!"
Sleeping Beauty frowns. "Derring-do? Seriously?"
"Yes, derring-do! My manly daring and all that. But you're a... and now I..."
"You could always marry me and file for a quickie divorce. Cite unreasonable behavior or something."
"Unreasonable behavior?"
"Yes, unreasonable behavior. What, you don't think I can be unreasonable?"
And oh yes, something tells Danny that Sleeping Beauty can be plenty unreasonable if he chooses to.
“Look, Questor Williams… Danny…, it’s easy. You do your... Procedure thing, we get married, you divorce me and then you go back to Jersey and I go after the sonofabitch who did this to me. Marriage of convenience. Simple, right?”
Put that way, how can Danny say no?
Sleeping Beauty rewards him with a blinding grin. “That’s sorted, then. We’re going to get along great!”
* * * * *
It turns out that finding a minister to marry you is far easier than Danny imagined. It seems that the State of Hawaii is only interested in your ability to pay for the marriage license and the sundry taxes that go along with it, and once Danny’s cracked his wallet the minister gallops through the standard text and slaps the register in front of them for them to sign. There’s a tricky moment when he asks for their names and Sleeping Beauty growls “That’s classified,” but money talks and the minister listens, and that’s how Danny ends up standing on the steps of a wedding chapel in Waikiki considerably poorer and married to a complete stranger.
Sleeping Beauty seems pleased with himself. ”Uh, Danny, I think this is where you’re supposed to kiss the bride?”
Danny looks at him. “Are you serious?”
And yes, Sleeping Beauty looks serious. In fact Sleeping Beauty looks very serious. ”You’re not going to kiss me? I think you should kiss me, Danny, it’s traditional. And you keep telling me how important it is to follow Procedure.”
And oh no, Danny is so not going there, he really isn’t, but then he gets the folded arms, and the pout, and Sleeping Beauty clearly isn’t going anywhere until Danny does this, so Danny sighs loudly and pulls him down for a kiss. He intends it to be a token, the merest brush of lips to make a point and get Sleeping Beauty to shut the fuck up, but his spouse (and oh God, he’s actually married to the guy) clearly has other ideas, and Danny finds himself being pulled into strong arms and kissed with masterful intent (and hello, which of them is supposed to be the princess here?). And really, Sleeping Beauty is awesomely good at this, Danny could really appreciate the artistry and enthusiasm with which he’s being kissed, to say nothing of the firmness of Sleeping Beauty’s grip, if only the kissing wasn’t happening in front of witnesses and this wasn’t meant to be a marriage of convenience.
The sooner the divorce comes through the better. Danny’s not made of stone, after all.
* * * * *
They wind up back at Danny’s place with a pizza and a bottle of cheap champagne, not quite the wedding breakfast Danny’d had in mind when he came to Hawaii. Danny loses the ‘no fucking way are we having pineapple on that’ argument but wins the ‘no fucking way am I carrying you across the threshold’ one (to hell with Procedure, Sleeping Beauty’s six foot tall and not exactly slight), so he figures that actually puts him a little bit ahead. He’s starting to realize that small victories matter when you’re dealing with someone as annoying as his newly-acquired spouse.
Predictably enough Sleeping Beauty’s not impressed with Danny’s apartment. “You actually live here?”
”Yes, I live here. Not all of us have a castle to live in, you know.”
”Explain to me again why we can’t go back to my place?”
”Because this sorcerer guy… Hesse? This sorcerer guy knows where it is, and as soon as he hears you’re awake he’ll be after you again. So it’s best if you… if we stay here until we’ve figured out what to do next.” Danny stretches out in the chair, kicks off his loafers and takes a sip of his champagne. “So, are you going to tell me how you ended up asleep back there, princess?”
Sleeping Beauty’s face is impassive. “That’s classified, Danny.”
Danny rubs his hand across his face. It’s been a long day, and he’s too tired to deal with this shit. “And there was I thinking that married people weren’t supposed to have secrets from one another. Whatever. I need to sleep.” He gestures in the vague direction of the couch. ”You take the pull out and I’ll take the chair.” Because Danny is a gentleman, after all.
That earns him a frown, and then a smirk, and oh no, Danny’s starting to learn that that means trouble. “What, are you tired of me already, Danny? And on our wedding night, too...”
Danny seriously needs to get things straight, right now. He can feel control of the situation slipping from his grasp. And that certain parts of his anatomy might be taking an entirely inappropriate interest in the whole idea. ”It’s a marriage of convenience. Which means no funny business. You take the pull out, I’ll take the chair, and in the morning we’ll start figuring out how to go our separate ways.”
Still with the smirking. Danny can’t help but feel that this doesn’t bode well.
”Strictly speaking, Danny, I think you’ll find it doesn’t actually count as a marriage until it’s been consummated.”
”Consummated?”
This gets him an eyeroll, and that patient ‘let’s explain it yet again in words of one syllable’ tone. “Yes, Danny, consummated. You’re supposed to marry me and then on our wedding night you deflower me...”
Danny nearly chokes on his champagne. “Deflower you?”
And Sleeping Beauty does at least have the decency to blush at that point (which Danny really shouldn’t find so becoming). “Well, OK, you may have missed the boat a bit there...”
”I may have missed the boat a bit? By how much, exactly?”
The blush is still there, and there’s a whole not-meeting-Danny’s-eyes thing going on, too. “Well... some... I wasn’t exactly short of offers, you know... and it was the twentieth century... fuck it, Danny, you’re not telling me you’re one of those old-fashioned guys who expects a pledge ring, are you?”
And oh God, Danny’s beginning to suspect that he does know, and it’s on his lips to snap back that no, he doesn’t expect a pledge ring, but he’d at least like a bride who could keep it in his pants, thank you very much, but then he catches the look on Sleeping Beauty’s face. He’s focused on Danny, like this really matters, and there’s hunger and want and even a hint of vulnerability there, and maybe the guy’s not quite as confident as he’s pretending to be. And, let’s face it, the guy hasn’t got laid in forty years, and Danny can sympathize, he knows what a dry spell is like... and right there Danny feels his resolve beginning to slip...
It turns out that Sleeping Beauty comes apart most beautifully once Danny gets him naked on the bed. And really, Danny’s pretty sure that begging quite so cravenly for Danny’s cock isn’t exactly conduct becoming a princess of the royal blood, but given that Danny kind of lost higher brain function and the ability to think at all rationally round about the time that Sleeping Beauty went down on him, he can’t say he cares. And once he’s got Sleeping Beauty on his hands and knees, that broad expanse of smooth skin and muscle under his touch and his cock buried balls deep in that hot, tight ass, he pretty much doesn’t care about anything except fucking more of those ragged, desperate, needy sounds out of Sleeping Beauty’s throat. He fucks him hard and fast, Sleeping Beauty shoving back to meet his thrusts until he comes, shuddering under Danny’s touch, and that’s enough to have Danny following him over the edge within three more strokes.
Sleeping Beauty curls up around him afterwards, and what is it with him, it’s like Danny’s married to a fucking octopus or something, but it doesn’t feel awkward, it feels comfortable and easy and kind of... nice.
Marriage of convenience, Danny reminds himself as he drifts off, it’s a marriage of convenience. Somehow he’s finding it harder and harder to keep that in mind...
* * * * *
Of course, this being Danny’s life, going their separate ways doesn’t turn out to be uncomplicated. It may be quick and easy to get hitched in Hawaii, but getting unhitched is a different matter. A matter involving remaining married for six months, and more to the point, a matter involving Danny remaining in Hawaii for six months, because apparently in order to get a divorce on the grounds of unreasonable behavior Danny actually has to be around to experience said unreasonable behavior on the part of his spouse.
Of course, there also has to be some unreasonable behavior to experience. And Danny defies any man to consider being woken with a blow job unreasonable behavior, and by the time he’s returned the favor and they’re both lying there sated and sticky he’s really starting to feel quite reasonable about this whole marriage business himself. He can see where it has its advantages, is all he’s saying.
Although he does kind of wish he’d landed himself a bride who could cook. Because whatever Sleeping Beauty says, a couple of steaks charred on the grill does not count as haute cuisine, and pancakes should never be black.
* * * * *
One week into the marriage and Danny’s starting to rethink the whole reasonable behavior thing. The unholy glee that Sleeping Beauty exhibits when he discovers the advances that have been made in the field of modern weaponry is quite frankly disturbing, as is the realization that Sleeping Beauty is both a crack shot and has been trained in advanced hand-to-hand combat techniques. Something tells Danny that Sleeping Beauty could probably kick some serious ass if he wanted, and that’s not something Danny's ever considered essential in a potential life partner before.
Even more worrying is the fact that Danny finds the idea of Sleeping Beauty kicking ass disturbingly hot. Danny is so screwed.
Which is probably why he agrees to it.
”Given that you’ve got to stay in Hawaii until we can get divorced, why don’t you help me track down Hesse?” Sleeping Beauty’s lounging on the pull out, barefoot and with his t-shirt rucked up to expose a very distracting strip of tanned stomach. He’s flicking casually through the new Guns and Ammo catalogue, and Danny can see that several of the pages have turned-down corners, which doesn’t bode well for a peaceful life. Danny privately vows to stick Guns and Ammo in the trash first chance he gets, it’ll be best for everyone. “I mean, it makes sense, Danny - you moved here to find me, now you’re stuck here, all you’ve got is your job and you’re good at it - that’s what I need. With your questing skills and my, uh, you know...” and no, Danny doesn’t know, because apparently that’s classified too, “We’d make a hell of a team.” Sleeping Beauty stretches, his t-shirt riding up a little bit more, and Danny’s brain short-circuits to how much he wants to run his tongue across those tanned abs. By the time sanity is restored, Sleeping Beauty’s got a smug expression on his face and a large hickey just south of his navel, Danny’s got bruised hipbones and a sore ass, and Danny’s one good chair is history. Oh, and Danny seems to have signed up to whatever ridiculous plan Sleeping Beauty is hatching for revenge on Hesse.
Afterwards Danny will tell himself that he was just being noble, just doing the whole ‘offering aid to a damsel in distress’ thing. And that of course it had nothing whatsoever to do with the increased frequency of hot, dirty sex in his life, or the particularly fetching way Sleeping Beauty fills out his t-shirts, and certainly nothing to do with how comfortable Danny’s been finding it to wake up in the mornings with a warm and willing body sprawled out next to him. Nothing whatsoever, absolutely not. Because that would be stupid, right? To say nothing of downright unprofessional.
* * * * *
It turns out that Hesse is still very much on the island, head of the biggest cartel dealing in illegal magical items, and that getting to him is going to be… difficult. “We’re going to need help,” Sleeping Beauty announces, “Someone who’s good with wards and hexes, seeing spells, stuff like that.” So enter Chin Ho Kelly, cousin of a friend of an acquaintance of the desk sergeant at HQD, a master of magical devices and the possessor of a set of firm pecs and chiseled abs fit to rival anything Sleeping Beauty has on offer (and if Danny was a less secure individual he’d be in danger of getting a complex about matching up to these people, because, seriously...). Looking on the bright side, Chin Ho not only apparently knows his stuff, but he’s also immune to Sleeping Beauty’s particular brand of insanity. “They’re all the same, these royal princesses,“ he tells Danny, “Too used to getting their own way. It does them good to have someone around to remind them that their way isn’t the only way.” And boy, is Danny glad to have a voice of reason on the team, even if he does wish that he found the tightness of Chin Ho’s Henleys a little less distracting.
Danny is a married man these days, after all.
Along with Chin comes his cousin, a rookie with the HQD. “We need somebody who looks harmless,” Chin says, “Someone who Hesse won’t suspect, who can go undercover and infiltrate Hesse’s stronghold. I know just the person.”
Looks harmless. Yeah. Because besides being slender and pretty (OK, freakishly good-looking, just like everyone else on this fucking island, Danny thinks), Kono Kalakaua is also possessed of a stunningly effective roundhouse kick and the ability to take a man out cleanly with a sniper rifle at a distance of over half a mile. Devastatingly beautiful and incredibly dangerous. One might almost say lethally attractive.
It’s a good thing Danny’s a married man these days. Otherwise he might have made a complete fool of himself. And pissed Chin Ho off into the bargain.
Signing up the rookie is a big mistake, because she and Sleeping Beauty hit it off right away. A matched set, the two of them, a beautiful, violent and insane pair whose idea of fun is apparently to beat one another up, drive too fast and blow things up. The third time Sleeping Beauty comes home from a sparring session with a split lip and a bruise blossoming along his cheekbone Danny points out that maybe Sleeping Beauty should go easy on the rookie, after all, they wouldn’t want anyone getting hurt, now would they? Which earns him the stink eye, and that pout that makes Danny think about stripping him naked and getting him all hot and bothered on the pull out, right there and then, just to show him who’s boss.
The uncomfortable fact is that Danny’s discovered that he doesn’t like to see Sleeping Beauty get hurt. Which he’s putting down to his warm, genuine and caring nature, and not at all to the fact that the sight of the cuts and bruises gives him a funny feeling in his stomach that makes him want to gather Sleeping Beauty up in his arms and kiss him better. Which is ridiculous, because Sleeping Beauty is six foot tall and built, not some kid or a delicate little flower who needs Danny’s protection.
Danny’s also maybe, just maybe, a tiny bit jealous of how much Sleeping Beauty appears to be enjoying Kono’s company, but he’s not admitting that. Not even to himself.
* * * * *
The plan they come up with goes beautifully, right up to the point where it all goes horribly wrong.
Really, Danny thinks as Hesse’s henchman holds a gun to the back of his head, they couldn’t have known about the mirror. And of course, if Sleeping Beauty wasn’t so ridiculously good-looking they’d still have got away with it. At least they haven’t realised the maid was in on it (and right or wrong, Danny will cherish the sight of Kono in that maid’s outfit until the day he dies... which given the way things are going right now, might not be far off). But if Kono can get to Chin... maybe there’s still some hope.
Fucking magic mirrors.
A magic vanity mirror, to be precise. Which unfortunately he and Sleeping Beauty had been in range of just as Hesse decided to demonstrate its functionality to his buyer. Mirror, mirror on the wall and all that crap...
”Victor Hesse, you are fair, ‘tis true, but Steve McGarrett is more fair than you.”
For a second there Danny doesn’t get it, doesn’t understand why both Hesse and Sleeping Beauty freeze solid, but then it hits him that the buyer is Chinese, and McGarrett isn’t exactly a Chinese name, so therefore...
Oh. Oh fuck.
At which point Sleeping Beauty goes in guns blazing, of course he does, and Danny follows him because what choice has he got, he is the backup after all, plus, there’s the whole ‘for better or for worse’ thing, right? But they’re outnumbered, the buyer’s goons are all there as well as Hesse’s men, and although Sleeping Beauty takes out three or four and Danny two before they get overpowered, the outcome is never really up for negotiation.
Which is how they come to be standing in front of Victor Hesse with guns pointed at the back of their heads and Hesse smiling his thin, nasty, evil smile at them.
Hesse isn’t interested in Danny, though. He only has eyes for Sleeping Beauty.
”McGarrett. Steve. I must say you’re looking remarkably good for a man who’s been dead for forty years,” Hesse drawls.
Sleeping Beauty’s tone is contemptuous. ”Not dead, Victor. Asleep. You didn’t think I was going to let you harm the princess, did you?”
Danny’s brain does a double take. What?
”So you took the hit for her. How very noble of you. But you’re not asleep any longer, which means someone broke the enchantment. I’m assuming that would be your friend here?” Hesse’s eyes flick up and down Danny appraisingly, and Danny’s skin crawls. “Hmmm, very nice, I can see the attraction, McGarrett, even if he is a little on the short side for my taste. But then, you’ll remember that I always did prefer tall, dark and handsome.”
And Danny thinks, seriously? He and his bride are going to have to have a long talk about past relationships once they get out of here.
Hesse is on the move now, getting in close to Sleeping Beauty - no, to Steve McGarrett, whoever he might be. “Such a waste. I don’t suppose I could persuade you to see things my way?” Sleeping Beauty’s got his head up, every muscle tense as Hesse draws the muzzle of the gun lightly along his jawline, bringing it to rest under his chin. “But of course not. You always were too honorable for your own good, McGarrett. It’s a terrible failing. It’ll be the death of you one of these days…”
Danny closes his eyes, sick to his gut, he can’t watch this anymore, can’t face watching Hesse pull the trigger.
And that’s when Kono blows up the building. Because the Chin and the rookie had a backup plan all along, of course they did.
* * * * *
It seems that judicious application of C4 will cause just the right amount of chaos to allow fake princesses with badass close-combat skills to put the moves on the bad guys and get the upper hand. Especially when more-than-ably aided and abetted by one of Jersey’s finest. The final outcome is all rather satisfactory, when all’s said and done, although Sleeping Beauty does look a tad disappointed when Danny won’t let him put a bullet into Hesse’s brain. Procedure, Danny tells him, completely ignoring those puppy-dog eyes. Procedure won’t allow it.
But once the dust has settled, the HQD have carted Hesse and his buyer off for questioning, and Sleeping Beauty is done with telling Kono (with barely-disguised glee) how impressed he is with her prowess at blowing things up (and hell, even Danny has to admit he’s impressed, the rookie may be a homicidal maniac but she’s damn good at what she does and damn useful to have on your team), well, then Danny has time to stop and think.
And Danny is angry. No, worse than angry, Danny is furious. In fact, Danny is spitting mad. He’s been lied to, tricked into marriage, dragged into danger, and finally nearly killed, and he’s had enough. He wants answers, and he’s damn well going to get them, whether Sleeping-fucking-Beauty - no, Steve-fucking-McGarrett - likes it or not.
Sleeping Beauty, who is standing in the doorway of Hesse’s mansion and talking on the phone just when Danny needs to have words with him. Danny fidgets in front of him, simmering with anger, until Sleeping Beauty closes the call with a polite “Yes, Ma’am,” and slips the phone back into his pocket.
”Who was that?”
Sleeping Beauty grins at him, a crazy, delighted grin that says that Danny is just exactly the person he wants to see most in all the world. It does nothing for Danny’s mood.
”Uh, that was the Governor. She’s extremely pleased with us for taking Hesse down, and she wants me to set up a task force to do more of the same. She’s called your Chief and requested you be seconded here indefinitely to work on the task force.”
This guy is fucking unbelieveable. ”And how exactly do you know the Governor of Hawaii?”
Sleeping Beauty’s grin falters slightly, and his eyes slide away from Danny’s. “Her father and I were... um... good friends back in the old days.”
And Danny really, really doesn’t want to know. He’s rethinking his stand on having that conversation about past relationships. Sometimes it’s better not to know.
”Right,” he says, and surely there’s no way Sleeping Beauty can be missing just exactly how that came out. ”So,” Danny says, and oh he’s so controlled, he’s got this, he really has. “So let’s get this straight: you and your friend the Governor have decided that I’m going to stay here, in Hawaii, and work for this task force of yours. And it didn’t occur to either of you to ask me first?”
Sleeping Beauty looks puzzled. He looks genuinely, honestly puzzled, and Danny genuinely, honestly wants to punch him. “But Danny, I thought that, you know, we’re married, and the whole marriage thing seems to be going pretty well, so...”
”Oh, you thought, did you? Did you also not think that maybe, just maybe, you should tell me what’s fucking well going on? You know, minor details like who you are, what all this was about, stuff like that? Because when someone marries you and then almost gets killed for you, the least you can do is tell them your name!”
If Danny wasn’t so angry he could almost - almost - feel sorry for Sleeping Beauty right now. He looks... crestfallen, like someone rained on his parade, stole his shiny new toy, like he’d given Danny the best present he could think of and Danny didn’t want it.
”It was need-to-know, Danny...”
Danny is seriously, seriously going to hit him. Any minute now. Danny’s never been in favor of domestic violence, but right now? Wife-beating has never seemed so attractive.
Danny makes a superhuman effort to keep control of himself. “Suppose you tell me everything. Right now. Like who the fuck you really are, and what all this was about.”
Sleeping Beauty’s still not looking at all comfortable. Good. Let the bastard suffer. “I was the head of the princess’s security detail, OK? When Hesse killed her father we smuggled the princess onto a plane to LA, but someone had to take her place. We knew Hesse had rigged a trap, and knew that he’d know something was up and go after the princess if someone didn’t trip the spell and take the hit in her place.”
“So you’re definitely not royalty?”
“Um, no.”
”So you lied to me!”
”I didn’t lie to you, Danny. I just... didn’t tell you the whole truth.”
”You tricked me into marrying you! You let me believe that you were a princess... prince... whatever, just so that I would marry you!”
”I needed your help. I figured that if we were married then you’d feel... obligated.”
”Obligated?”
”Yes, obligated. Plus the fact...” and Danny could swear that there’s a blush going on there, “I hadn’t got laid in forty years and you’re really kind of...” and Sleeping Beauty gestures helplessly at Danny’s body and grinds to a halt.
And... oh.... oh... Danny really doesn’t know whether to kiss him or rip him a new one. He decides to stick with anger, he’s got a good head of steam worked up already and it’s far less embarrassing than the alternative, at least in public. “You mean you got me into this, got me shot at, blown up, nearly killed, just so you could get in my pants? What is it with you? Couldn’t you just ask me out for a beer, like any normal person?”
Sleeping Beauty shrugs. “It worked, didn’t it? Anyway,” and there’s that grin, that cocky, unrepentant, phenomenally irritating and fucking awesome grin, “It was more fun this way”
Danny can’t help himself, can’t help but take it up a notch, can hear the pitch of his voice rising as he steps right into Sleeping Beauty’s space and jabs his chest with a vicious finger. “You, my friend, are unbelievable…”
If anything, Sleeping Beauty’s grin only gets wider. “But in the best possible way, right?”
And that’s it, how is this even his life, Danny thinks as he sits down abruptly on the step and puts his head in his hands. "I'm never going back to Jersey, am I? I’m going to be stuck here forever, in this pineapple-infested hellhole, married to you, and I don’t even… I can’t even…”
He feels Sleeping Beauty sit down next to him, right up close, pressed against him hip to shoulder. “It’s not that bad, Danny. You like it here really, I know you do. And look on the bright side, this means you get to stay with me.” Sleeping Beauty nudges him with an elbow. The look on his face is a cross between sinfully predatory and heart-stoppingly hopeful (and seriously, how the fuck does he manage to pull that off?). “Maybe when we get home we could do the thing with the ties again. You liked the thing with the ties.”
And that’s the point when Danny has his epiphany. He sees what Jersey has to offer him: more of the same, a middle-ranking Questor until the day he retires or catches a killing curse in the line of duty, forever the laughing stock who went off to Paradise and got tricked into marrying the wrong kind of princess. And he sees what Hawaii has to offer: danger, excitement and insanity, a team he trusts implicitly and likes even more, and Steve McGarrett, this beautiful, crazy man who wants - no, who needs - Danny, who for some bizarre reason seems to have decided that a short, mouthy blond Questor from New Jersey is the man of his dreams.
Plus, the sex is truly, truly, mind-blowingly awesome.
Put like that, it’s really no contest. Danny’s not a complete idiot, after all. And someone needs to stick around to keep Sleeping Beauty out of trouble, he tells himself. It’s practically his public duty. So he slides a look at his spouse and says “Well... yeah, OK, maybe we could put the divorce on hold for a while... but the thing with the ties? This time, babe, I’m gonna be the one in charge!”
The grin that gets him in return is truly, truly blinding. And might just take Danny’s breath away a little bit... not that he’ll ever admit that to anyone, of course, because how daft is that?
* * * * *
So that's how Danny Williams came to Hawaii, found his One True Love and lived Happily Ever After. Just like in the fairytales, only with more guns and violence.
Fandom: New Hawaii Five-0
Pairing: Danny Williams/Steve McGarrett
Rating: NC-17
Summary: How Danny Williams came to Hawaii, found his One True Love and lived Happily Ever After
Disclaimer: Don't own them, no harm intended, no profit made etc.
Author's note: AU, a modern fairytale written for the After Holidays Prompt Fest on stevedannoslash. The blame lies with certain filthy enablers on my friends' list... they know who they are...
The Tale of Sleeping Beauty, or A Marriage of Inconvenience
Once Upon A Time, in a land not so very far away, there lived a dashing young prince called Danny Williams…
Well, OK, so that’s not exactly how this story goes, because Danny Williams is no prince. Princes are supposed to be tall, dark and handsome, and be related (at least distantly, anyway) to royalty. Danny Williams, on the other hand, is short, blond, and yes, OK, in the right light he passes for handsome. He also doesn't have a single drop of blue blood in his veins.
What he does have, however, is a diploma from the New Jersey Questing Department Academy (graduated second in his class, thank you very much). He's also got eighty-seven minor-to-medium-grade quests under his belt, and it's this track record that gets him landed with the Sleeping Beauty job. That, and the fact that everybody else of the right caliber in the department is currently sitting out the after-effects of a particularly nasty plague-of-boils enchantment, which Danny missed because that was the day the hot damsel in the red sports car rear-ended him (and he kind of thinks that maybe he should have asked her out, but the moment passed and now he's off to Hawaii).
”This is your chance, Williams," the Chief tells him. "Get out there, rescue that girl and marry her, and you've got it made."
"Marry her?" Danny had said, and that was when the Chief had pulled out the Rules and Regulations and educated him on the law pertaining to Royal Damsels in Distress, Rescuing and Succor Of. Because apparently you can't just waltz in, rescue the damsel and play fast and loose with her affections if she's of royal blood. Not proper Procedure.
"I'm trusting you to uphold the Department's honor, Williams. Show these islanders what a Jersey boy is made of, and we'll throw you a big wedding shindig, on the Department, to celebrate. Make us proud, son!"
And so that’s it, Danny Williams is off to Hawaii to seek his fortune.
* * * * *
The Sleeping Beauty job is Danny's first quest on foreign soil (unless you count that unpleasant business with the investment banker and the troll in Philadelphia, but that's only just over the border so it doesn't really count). He can’t say he’s really all that keen on the idea, he likes Jersey, likes the people, likes the food, and his family are all here, but hey, if you want to get on this world then sometimes you’ve got to push your boundaries. So Hawaii it is, and Danny just hopes he can get a result fast, get back to where he belongs, and get on with enjoying his glittering future.
Hawaii is lush and green, and the people are unrealistically beautiful. Danny finds himself a cheap apartment, and OK, it’s a lousy shithole, but he’s not planning on staying long, so he doesn’t care. The local QD officers are suspicious of him at first, and after all, who can blame them, a hotshot Questor brought in from the mainland to do what they’ve apparently failed to accomplish, but he stands his round at the bar, buys malasadas for everyone when it’s his turn, and after a couple of weeks he can feel a slight thaw beginning to set in. He’s never exactly going to fit in, he knows that, but who cares, because he’s not staying, right?
The details of the case are sketchy but familiar; minor local royalty falling foul of the head of a local sorcery ring, patriarch offed with a particularly messy killing curse, and no sign of the princess who was rumored to have recently returned from finishing school overseas somewhere. All this took place a few decades ago, but local memories are short (Danny privately believes it’s something to do with too much sunshine, salt water and shave ice addling the brain) and no-one seems too sure of the source of the recent rumors that have caused the case of the missing princess to be reopened.
It takes him three months to pick up a lead on the case, three months of hard graft, hot sunshine and too much sand everywhere. (And it chafes, OK? Because sand? Never stays where it belongs. Give Danny concrete any time.) Three months in Hawaiian hell leads him via a gun-running hobgoblin and the half-ogre proprietor of a shave ice stand to a witch who sells love potions out of the back of a surf shack, who succumbs to the Williams charm just long enough to give him sketchy directions to a property back of the North Shore and a map scribbled on a scrap of grimy parchment. It looks suspiciously like what it’s scribbled in is dried blood, but Danny doesn’t examine it too closely. Sometimes it’s better not to know.
So this is it, the big one. Danny makes all his preparations very carefully, choosing appropriate armament for dealing with any magical beast that might be on guard, tooling up with warding charms against all the most common hexes, and even purchasing a bona fide engagement ring. And OK, maybe the diamond is a bit on the small side, Department wages don’t exactly run to impressive stones, and thanks to Departmental cutbacks he’s had no luck one requisitioning one (“Look on it as an investment in your future, Williams,” were the Chief’s exact words), but it is an engagement ring, and it does have a diamond, and Danny figures he can always make it up to his bride later.
Because Danny reckons that that the boss is right, that this quest will be the one that makes him. If the princess matches up to the other women Danny’s seeing around him then Danny's got it made - hot trophy wife, blue-blooded to boot, no-one will ever mistake him for a waiter at the annual Department dinner-dance again. He'll be up there on the top table, baby, fast-tracked for great things. And all he's got to do is rescue one sleeping princess. How hard can that be?
* * * * *
In retrospect, of course, he can see that it was never going to be that simple. This is his life, after all.
The castle’s not that big, as castles go, and what with that and the wall of greenery it’s hidden behind (and seriously, are those really pineapples?), Danny’s pretty sure you’d drive right past it without realizing it was anything special. It’s laid about with wards but they’re antiquated, an intricate but old-fashioned security system, and a Questor of Danny’s caliber with a working knowledge of the most up-to-date spellology has no trouble disarming them and gaining entry to the premises.
The map leads him through the castle to a staircase; the staircase winds up and up into a tower; and at the top of the staircase a heavy wooden door opens into a room dominated by a big bed hung around with curtains. This is it, Danny thinks as he walks slowly across the room towards the bed, heart thumping and mouth dry. This is the moment he’s been waiting for and working towards. This is the moment that Danny Williams finally gets everything he deserves.
Danny hesitates for a moment because this... this is a life-changing event, and should be treated with due gravity and respect. He might also be just a little bit nervous about what he’s about to do, but that’s not something he’s even happy admitting to himself. So he pulls himself together, takes a deep breath and draws back the curtain to take a look at his bride-to-be...
And whoa, that can't be right. Because no fairytale princess Danny has ever heard of was quite so muscular, or sported quite such impressive tattoos or quite such a convincingly manly five o'clock shadow.
It appears that Sleeping Beauty is a dude. No way.
Danny consults his map feverishly. Definitely the right room. And this guy's definitely asleep. So this must be Sleeping Beauty. Apparently there's a typo in the Departmental report. Or somebody let that goblin out of the evidence locker again. Whatever. Sleeping Beauty is a dude and Danny's carefully constructed dreams of a stellar future as the golden boy of the NJQD are crumbling around him.
Danny closes his eyes and counts to ten, then swallows hard and takes another good long look at his intended. He has to admit that the guy is good-looking, handsome, even, with tousled dark hair, a strong jaw, and ridiculously long lashes that feather down across his cheekbones. A face one could get used to looking at, Danny thinks, if one were so inclined. Still a dude, though. And what the fuck does he do now?
The thing is, Danny's a conscientious man, and he came here to do a job. It doesn't seem fair somehow to leave Sleeping Beauty asleep just because there's been a departmental cock up, but Danny has no idea what will happen if he carries on according to the plan. However, fair’s fair, and Danny’s no coward, so he takes a deep breath, braces himself, leans in and kisses Sleeping Beauty full on the lips, lips that are surprisingly warm and much softer than he was expecting. He gives it his best shot, makes it count, because he feels ridiculous and he's only doing this once, then pulls away and waits to see what happens next.
For a moment there's no change, then those dark lashes flutter and Danny finds himself staring into a pair of startled hazel eyes... and whatever Danny was expecting next, it wasn't to be suddenly and inexplicably pinned to the floor with one arm twisted up behind him and a gun to the back of his head. Because seriously, where in any of the fairytales does it mention that princesses keep automatic weapons under their pillows?
"Who are you, and what are you doing here?" Sleeping Beauty's voice matches his muscles. Definitely not your average princess.
It’s been a long time since anyone got the jump on Danny, and he feels vaguely pissed about it. “Questor Danny Williams, seconded to the HQD. I’m here to rescue you, asshole, so if you’d just let me up...”
That earns him a jab from the muzzle of the gun. “I.D?”
”Back pocket. If you’ll just let me...” but Sleeping Beauty’s already there, hand feeling round the curve of Danny’s ass, and really that should not be sending any sort of frisson of anything to Danny’s dick, no way. Because being pinned down and groped by the princess you were supposed to be rescuing? Should so not be a turn on for any self-respecting member of the New Jersey Questing Department.
However hot and badass said princess might be.
Sleeping Beauty finds what he’s looking for and pulls it out. “Satisfied now?” Danny snaps, and Sleeping Beauty gets off him, offers him a hand up that Danny pointedly ignores, then stands back with his arms crossed and watches as Danny brushes the dust off his pants and tries to compose himself.
The way that Sleeping Beauty’s biceps bulge when he crosses his arms isn’t exactly helping Danny with the composure thing.
”Hey man,” Sleeping Beauty says, “I’m sorry about that, it’s just you weren’t exactly what I was expecting.”
”I wasn’t what you were expecting? What about me?”
Sleeping Beauty frowns, a line appearing between his eyebrows, and somehow it manages to make him look both hotter and even more badass. It really isn’t fair. “What d’you mean, what about you?”
”What about what I was expecting? You're supposed to be a princess!"
This gets him a raised eyebrow. "Well, you're supposed to be a handsome prince..."
And Danny’s so not rising to that one, he really isn’t. “Whatever. The fact is, you’re not a princess, and that leaves me with a problem.”
The frown is back. ”A problem?”
"Yes, a problem. Because proper quest Procedure states that I'm supposed to wake the princess, marry her and live happily ever after!"
Sleeping Beauty looks thoughtful for a moment, looks Danny up and down speculatively, and then grins. "We could get married. If that would help."
"Uh, no offence, princess, but you're not quite what I had in mind."
"Oh?" Sleeping Beauty looks puzzled. "What were you expecting?"
"Something a little more... well... something a bit... blonder, maybe. And curvier, definitely curvier. And maybe not quite so... tall. And the whole... muscles and tattoos thing... well, no offence, but it doesn't exactly scream 'fairytale princess', does it?"
And now Danny feels bad, because Sleeping Beauty looks hurt. In fact Danny might almost say there's a slight pout going on over there.
"Well, I've never had any complaints before."
Danny sighs. "No offence intended, because you seem nice enough... and it's not that I don't think you're attractive, because you're obviously a hot guy, I can see that, the muscles are, uh, impressive... and the whole tight black T-shirt thing you've got going on there is really working well for you, I have to say..." and maybe Danny's starting to feel a bit hot under the collar here, because yeah, the black T does define Sleeping Beauty's pecs rather nicely...
"...it's just that I was supposed to marry you, and then we were supposed to go back to New Jersey where you'd be my trophy wife and we'd give dinner parties for the high-ups in the Department and I'd get a step up the career ladder..."
"We could still do that..."
Danny really can’t see Sleeping Beauty passing round canapés and making polite small talk with the Chief’s wife. Or, more worryingly, maybe he can. Either way, it’s not a good image.
"...and we'd have three adorable blond-haired children and grow old together living Happily Ever After."
"Ah."
"Yes, 'ah'."
Sleeping Beauty shrugs. "Well then, just don't marry me."
"But I have to marry you! It's Procedure! I marry you, thus preserving your honor and being rewarded for my bravery and derring-do, and we live Happily Ever After. It's in the Regulations!"
Sleeping Beauty frowns. "Derring-do? Seriously?"
"Yes, derring-do! My manly daring and all that. But you're a... and now I..."
"You could always marry me and file for a quickie divorce. Cite unreasonable behavior or something."
"Unreasonable behavior?"
"Yes, unreasonable behavior. What, you don't think I can be unreasonable?"
And oh yes, something tells Danny that Sleeping Beauty can be plenty unreasonable if he chooses to.
“Look, Questor Williams… Danny…, it’s easy. You do your... Procedure thing, we get married, you divorce me and then you go back to Jersey and I go after the sonofabitch who did this to me. Marriage of convenience. Simple, right?”
Put that way, how can Danny say no?
Sleeping Beauty rewards him with a blinding grin. “That’s sorted, then. We’re going to get along great!”
* * * * *
It turns out that finding a minister to marry you is far easier than Danny imagined. It seems that the State of Hawaii is only interested in your ability to pay for the marriage license and the sundry taxes that go along with it, and once Danny’s cracked his wallet the minister gallops through the standard text and slaps the register in front of them for them to sign. There’s a tricky moment when he asks for their names and Sleeping Beauty growls “That’s classified,” but money talks and the minister listens, and that’s how Danny ends up standing on the steps of a wedding chapel in Waikiki considerably poorer and married to a complete stranger.
Sleeping Beauty seems pleased with himself. ”Uh, Danny, I think this is where you’re supposed to kiss the bride?”
Danny looks at him. “Are you serious?”
And yes, Sleeping Beauty looks serious. In fact Sleeping Beauty looks very serious. ”You’re not going to kiss me? I think you should kiss me, Danny, it’s traditional. And you keep telling me how important it is to follow Procedure.”
And oh no, Danny is so not going there, he really isn’t, but then he gets the folded arms, and the pout, and Sleeping Beauty clearly isn’t going anywhere until Danny does this, so Danny sighs loudly and pulls him down for a kiss. He intends it to be a token, the merest brush of lips to make a point and get Sleeping Beauty to shut the fuck up, but his spouse (and oh God, he’s actually married to the guy) clearly has other ideas, and Danny finds himself being pulled into strong arms and kissed with masterful intent (and hello, which of them is supposed to be the princess here?). And really, Sleeping Beauty is awesomely good at this, Danny could really appreciate the artistry and enthusiasm with which he’s being kissed, to say nothing of the firmness of Sleeping Beauty’s grip, if only the kissing wasn’t happening in front of witnesses and this wasn’t meant to be a marriage of convenience.
The sooner the divorce comes through the better. Danny’s not made of stone, after all.
* * * * *
They wind up back at Danny’s place with a pizza and a bottle of cheap champagne, not quite the wedding breakfast Danny’d had in mind when he came to Hawaii. Danny loses the ‘no fucking way are we having pineapple on that’ argument but wins the ‘no fucking way am I carrying you across the threshold’ one (to hell with Procedure, Sleeping Beauty’s six foot tall and not exactly slight), so he figures that actually puts him a little bit ahead. He’s starting to realize that small victories matter when you’re dealing with someone as annoying as his newly-acquired spouse.
Predictably enough Sleeping Beauty’s not impressed with Danny’s apartment. “You actually live here?”
”Yes, I live here. Not all of us have a castle to live in, you know.”
”Explain to me again why we can’t go back to my place?”
”Because this sorcerer guy… Hesse? This sorcerer guy knows where it is, and as soon as he hears you’re awake he’ll be after you again. So it’s best if you… if we stay here until we’ve figured out what to do next.” Danny stretches out in the chair, kicks off his loafers and takes a sip of his champagne. “So, are you going to tell me how you ended up asleep back there, princess?”
Sleeping Beauty’s face is impassive. “That’s classified, Danny.”
Danny rubs his hand across his face. It’s been a long day, and he’s too tired to deal with this shit. “And there was I thinking that married people weren’t supposed to have secrets from one another. Whatever. I need to sleep.” He gestures in the vague direction of the couch. ”You take the pull out and I’ll take the chair.” Because Danny is a gentleman, after all.
That earns him a frown, and then a smirk, and oh no, Danny’s starting to learn that that means trouble. “What, are you tired of me already, Danny? And on our wedding night, too...”
Danny seriously needs to get things straight, right now. He can feel control of the situation slipping from his grasp. And that certain parts of his anatomy might be taking an entirely inappropriate interest in the whole idea. ”It’s a marriage of convenience. Which means no funny business. You take the pull out, I’ll take the chair, and in the morning we’ll start figuring out how to go our separate ways.”
Still with the smirking. Danny can’t help but feel that this doesn’t bode well.
”Strictly speaking, Danny, I think you’ll find it doesn’t actually count as a marriage until it’s been consummated.”
”Consummated?”
This gets him an eyeroll, and that patient ‘let’s explain it yet again in words of one syllable’ tone. “Yes, Danny, consummated. You’re supposed to marry me and then on our wedding night you deflower me...”
Danny nearly chokes on his champagne. “Deflower you?”
And Sleeping Beauty does at least have the decency to blush at that point (which Danny really shouldn’t find so becoming). “Well, OK, you may have missed the boat a bit there...”
”I may have missed the boat a bit? By how much, exactly?”
The blush is still there, and there’s a whole not-meeting-Danny’s-eyes thing going on, too. “Well... some... I wasn’t exactly short of offers, you know... and it was the twentieth century... fuck it, Danny, you’re not telling me you’re one of those old-fashioned guys who expects a pledge ring, are you?”
And oh God, Danny’s beginning to suspect that he does know, and it’s on his lips to snap back that no, he doesn’t expect a pledge ring, but he’d at least like a bride who could keep it in his pants, thank you very much, but then he catches the look on Sleeping Beauty’s face. He’s focused on Danny, like this really matters, and there’s hunger and want and even a hint of vulnerability there, and maybe the guy’s not quite as confident as he’s pretending to be. And, let’s face it, the guy hasn’t got laid in forty years, and Danny can sympathize, he knows what a dry spell is like... and right there Danny feels his resolve beginning to slip...
It turns out that Sleeping Beauty comes apart most beautifully once Danny gets him naked on the bed. And really, Danny’s pretty sure that begging quite so cravenly for Danny’s cock isn’t exactly conduct becoming a princess of the royal blood, but given that Danny kind of lost higher brain function and the ability to think at all rationally round about the time that Sleeping Beauty went down on him, he can’t say he cares. And once he’s got Sleeping Beauty on his hands and knees, that broad expanse of smooth skin and muscle under his touch and his cock buried balls deep in that hot, tight ass, he pretty much doesn’t care about anything except fucking more of those ragged, desperate, needy sounds out of Sleeping Beauty’s throat. He fucks him hard and fast, Sleeping Beauty shoving back to meet his thrusts until he comes, shuddering under Danny’s touch, and that’s enough to have Danny following him over the edge within three more strokes.
Sleeping Beauty curls up around him afterwards, and what is it with him, it’s like Danny’s married to a fucking octopus or something, but it doesn’t feel awkward, it feels comfortable and easy and kind of... nice.
Marriage of convenience, Danny reminds himself as he drifts off, it’s a marriage of convenience. Somehow he’s finding it harder and harder to keep that in mind...
* * * * *
Of course, this being Danny’s life, going their separate ways doesn’t turn out to be uncomplicated. It may be quick and easy to get hitched in Hawaii, but getting unhitched is a different matter. A matter involving remaining married for six months, and more to the point, a matter involving Danny remaining in Hawaii for six months, because apparently in order to get a divorce on the grounds of unreasonable behavior Danny actually has to be around to experience said unreasonable behavior on the part of his spouse.
Of course, there also has to be some unreasonable behavior to experience. And Danny defies any man to consider being woken with a blow job unreasonable behavior, and by the time he’s returned the favor and they’re both lying there sated and sticky he’s really starting to feel quite reasonable about this whole marriage business himself. He can see where it has its advantages, is all he’s saying.
Although he does kind of wish he’d landed himself a bride who could cook. Because whatever Sleeping Beauty says, a couple of steaks charred on the grill does not count as haute cuisine, and pancakes should never be black.
* * * * *
One week into the marriage and Danny’s starting to rethink the whole reasonable behavior thing. The unholy glee that Sleeping Beauty exhibits when he discovers the advances that have been made in the field of modern weaponry is quite frankly disturbing, as is the realization that Sleeping Beauty is both a crack shot and has been trained in advanced hand-to-hand combat techniques. Something tells Danny that Sleeping Beauty could probably kick some serious ass if he wanted, and that’s not something Danny's ever considered essential in a potential life partner before.
Even more worrying is the fact that Danny finds the idea of Sleeping Beauty kicking ass disturbingly hot. Danny is so screwed.
Which is probably why he agrees to it.
”Given that you’ve got to stay in Hawaii until we can get divorced, why don’t you help me track down Hesse?” Sleeping Beauty’s lounging on the pull out, barefoot and with his t-shirt rucked up to expose a very distracting strip of tanned stomach. He’s flicking casually through the new Guns and Ammo catalogue, and Danny can see that several of the pages have turned-down corners, which doesn’t bode well for a peaceful life. Danny privately vows to stick Guns and Ammo in the trash first chance he gets, it’ll be best for everyone. “I mean, it makes sense, Danny - you moved here to find me, now you’re stuck here, all you’ve got is your job and you’re good at it - that’s what I need. With your questing skills and my, uh, you know...” and no, Danny doesn’t know, because apparently that’s classified too, “We’d make a hell of a team.” Sleeping Beauty stretches, his t-shirt riding up a little bit more, and Danny’s brain short-circuits to how much he wants to run his tongue across those tanned abs. By the time sanity is restored, Sleeping Beauty’s got a smug expression on his face and a large hickey just south of his navel, Danny’s got bruised hipbones and a sore ass, and Danny’s one good chair is history. Oh, and Danny seems to have signed up to whatever ridiculous plan Sleeping Beauty is hatching for revenge on Hesse.
Afterwards Danny will tell himself that he was just being noble, just doing the whole ‘offering aid to a damsel in distress’ thing. And that of course it had nothing whatsoever to do with the increased frequency of hot, dirty sex in his life, or the particularly fetching way Sleeping Beauty fills out his t-shirts, and certainly nothing to do with how comfortable Danny’s been finding it to wake up in the mornings with a warm and willing body sprawled out next to him. Nothing whatsoever, absolutely not. Because that would be stupid, right? To say nothing of downright unprofessional.
* * * * *
It turns out that Hesse is still very much on the island, head of the biggest cartel dealing in illegal magical items, and that getting to him is going to be… difficult. “We’re going to need help,” Sleeping Beauty announces, “Someone who’s good with wards and hexes, seeing spells, stuff like that.” So enter Chin Ho Kelly, cousin of a friend of an acquaintance of the desk sergeant at HQD, a master of magical devices and the possessor of a set of firm pecs and chiseled abs fit to rival anything Sleeping Beauty has on offer (and if Danny was a less secure individual he’d be in danger of getting a complex about matching up to these people, because, seriously...). Looking on the bright side, Chin Ho not only apparently knows his stuff, but he’s also immune to Sleeping Beauty’s particular brand of insanity. “They’re all the same, these royal princesses,“ he tells Danny, “Too used to getting their own way. It does them good to have someone around to remind them that their way isn’t the only way.” And boy, is Danny glad to have a voice of reason on the team, even if he does wish that he found the tightness of Chin Ho’s Henleys a little less distracting.
Danny is a married man these days, after all.
Along with Chin comes his cousin, a rookie with the HQD. “We need somebody who looks harmless,” Chin says, “Someone who Hesse won’t suspect, who can go undercover and infiltrate Hesse’s stronghold. I know just the person.”
Looks harmless. Yeah. Because besides being slender and pretty (OK, freakishly good-looking, just like everyone else on this fucking island, Danny thinks), Kono Kalakaua is also possessed of a stunningly effective roundhouse kick and the ability to take a man out cleanly with a sniper rifle at a distance of over half a mile. Devastatingly beautiful and incredibly dangerous. One might almost say lethally attractive.
It’s a good thing Danny’s a married man these days. Otherwise he might have made a complete fool of himself. And pissed Chin Ho off into the bargain.
Signing up the rookie is a big mistake, because she and Sleeping Beauty hit it off right away. A matched set, the two of them, a beautiful, violent and insane pair whose idea of fun is apparently to beat one another up, drive too fast and blow things up. The third time Sleeping Beauty comes home from a sparring session with a split lip and a bruise blossoming along his cheekbone Danny points out that maybe Sleeping Beauty should go easy on the rookie, after all, they wouldn’t want anyone getting hurt, now would they? Which earns him the stink eye, and that pout that makes Danny think about stripping him naked and getting him all hot and bothered on the pull out, right there and then, just to show him who’s boss.
The uncomfortable fact is that Danny’s discovered that he doesn’t like to see Sleeping Beauty get hurt. Which he’s putting down to his warm, genuine and caring nature, and not at all to the fact that the sight of the cuts and bruises gives him a funny feeling in his stomach that makes him want to gather Sleeping Beauty up in his arms and kiss him better. Which is ridiculous, because Sleeping Beauty is six foot tall and built, not some kid or a delicate little flower who needs Danny’s protection.
Danny’s also maybe, just maybe, a tiny bit jealous of how much Sleeping Beauty appears to be enjoying Kono’s company, but he’s not admitting that. Not even to himself.
* * * * *
The plan they come up with goes beautifully, right up to the point where it all goes horribly wrong.
Really, Danny thinks as Hesse’s henchman holds a gun to the back of his head, they couldn’t have known about the mirror. And of course, if Sleeping Beauty wasn’t so ridiculously good-looking they’d still have got away with it. At least they haven’t realised the maid was in on it (and right or wrong, Danny will cherish the sight of Kono in that maid’s outfit until the day he dies... which given the way things are going right now, might not be far off). But if Kono can get to Chin... maybe there’s still some hope.
Fucking magic mirrors.
A magic vanity mirror, to be precise. Which unfortunately he and Sleeping Beauty had been in range of just as Hesse decided to demonstrate its functionality to his buyer. Mirror, mirror on the wall and all that crap...
”Victor Hesse, you are fair, ‘tis true, but Steve McGarrett is more fair than you.”
For a second there Danny doesn’t get it, doesn’t understand why both Hesse and Sleeping Beauty freeze solid, but then it hits him that the buyer is Chinese, and McGarrett isn’t exactly a Chinese name, so therefore...
Oh. Oh fuck.
At which point Sleeping Beauty goes in guns blazing, of course he does, and Danny follows him because what choice has he got, he is the backup after all, plus, there’s the whole ‘for better or for worse’ thing, right? But they’re outnumbered, the buyer’s goons are all there as well as Hesse’s men, and although Sleeping Beauty takes out three or four and Danny two before they get overpowered, the outcome is never really up for negotiation.
Which is how they come to be standing in front of Victor Hesse with guns pointed at the back of their heads and Hesse smiling his thin, nasty, evil smile at them.
Hesse isn’t interested in Danny, though. He only has eyes for Sleeping Beauty.
”McGarrett. Steve. I must say you’re looking remarkably good for a man who’s been dead for forty years,” Hesse drawls.
Sleeping Beauty’s tone is contemptuous. ”Not dead, Victor. Asleep. You didn’t think I was going to let you harm the princess, did you?”
Danny’s brain does a double take. What?
”So you took the hit for her. How very noble of you. But you’re not asleep any longer, which means someone broke the enchantment. I’m assuming that would be your friend here?” Hesse’s eyes flick up and down Danny appraisingly, and Danny’s skin crawls. “Hmmm, very nice, I can see the attraction, McGarrett, even if he is a little on the short side for my taste. But then, you’ll remember that I always did prefer tall, dark and handsome.”
And Danny thinks, seriously? He and his bride are going to have to have a long talk about past relationships once they get out of here.
Hesse is on the move now, getting in close to Sleeping Beauty - no, to Steve McGarrett, whoever he might be. “Such a waste. I don’t suppose I could persuade you to see things my way?” Sleeping Beauty’s got his head up, every muscle tense as Hesse draws the muzzle of the gun lightly along his jawline, bringing it to rest under his chin. “But of course not. You always were too honorable for your own good, McGarrett. It’s a terrible failing. It’ll be the death of you one of these days…”
Danny closes his eyes, sick to his gut, he can’t watch this anymore, can’t face watching Hesse pull the trigger.
And that’s when Kono blows up the building. Because the Chin and the rookie had a backup plan all along, of course they did.
* * * * *
It seems that judicious application of C4 will cause just the right amount of chaos to allow fake princesses with badass close-combat skills to put the moves on the bad guys and get the upper hand. Especially when more-than-ably aided and abetted by one of Jersey’s finest. The final outcome is all rather satisfactory, when all’s said and done, although Sleeping Beauty does look a tad disappointed when Danny won’t let him put a bullet into Hesse’s brain. Procedure, Danny tells him, completely ignoring those puppy-dog eyes. Procedure won’t allow it.
But once the dust has settled, the HQD have carted Hesse and his buyer off for questioning, and Sleeping Beauty is done with telling Kono (with barely-disguised glee) how impressed he is with her prowess at blowing things up (and hell, even Danny has to admit he’s impressed, the rookie may be a homicidal maniac but she’s damn good at what she does and damn useful to have on your team), well, then Danny has time to stop and think.
And Danny is angry. No, worse than angry, Danny is furious. In fact, Danny is spitting mad. He’s been lied to, tricked into marriage, dragged into danger, and finally nearly killed, and he’s had enough. He wants answers, and he’s damn well going to get them, whether Sleeping-fucking-Beauty - no, Steve-fucking-McGarrett - likes it or not.
Sleeping Beauty, who is standing in the doorway of Hesse’s mansion and talking on the phone just when Danny needs to have words with him. Danny fidgets in front of him, simmering with anger, until Sleeping Beauty closes the call with a polite “Yes, Ma’am,” and slips the phone back into his pocket.
”Who was that?”
Sleeping Beauty grins at him, a crazy, delighted grin that says that Danny is just exactly the person he wants to see most in all the world. It does nothing for Danny’s mood.
”Uh, that was the Governor. She’s extremely pleased with us for taking Hesse down, and she wants me to set up a task force to do more of the same. She’s called your Chief and requested you be seconded here indefinitely to work on the task force.”
This guy is fucking unbelieveable. ”And how exactly do you know the Governor of Hawaii?”
Sleeping Beauty’s grin falters slightly, and his eyes slide away from Danny’s. “Her father and I were... um... good friends back in the old days.”
And Danny really, really doesn’t want to know. He’s rethinking his stand on having that conversation about past relationships. Sometimes it’s better not to know.
”Right,” he says, and surely there’s no way Sleeping Beauty can be missing just exactly how that came out. ”So,” Danny says, and oh he’s so controlled, he’s got this, he really has. “So let’s get this straight: you and your friend the Governor have decided that I’m going to stay here, in Hawaii, and work for this task force of yours. And it didn’t occur to either of you to ask me first?”
Sleeping Beauty looks puzzled. He looks genuinely, honestly puzzled, and Danny genuinely, honestly wants to punch him. “But Danny, I thought that, you know, we’re married, and the whole marriage thing seems to be going pretty well, so...”
”Oh, you thought, did you? Did you also not think that maybe, just maybe, you should tell me what’s fucking well going on? You know, minor details like who you are, what all this was about, stuff like that? Because when someone marries you and then almost gets killed for you, the least you can do is tell them your name!”
If Danny wasn’t so angry he could almost - almost - feel sorry for Sleeping Beauty right now. He looks... crestfallen, like someone rained on his parade, stole his shiny new toy, like he’d given Danny the best present he could think of and Danny didn’t want it.
”It was need-to-know, Danny...”
Danny is seriously, seriously going to hit him. Any minute now. Danny’s never been in favor of domestic violence, but right now? Wife-beating has never seemed so attractive.
Danny makes a superhuman effort to keep control of himself. “Suppose you tell me everything. Right now. Like who the fuck you really are, and what all this was about.”
Sleeping Beauty’s still not looking at all comfortable. Good. Let the bastard suffer. “I was the head of the princess’s security detail, OK? When Hesse killed her father we smuggled the princess onto a plane to LA, but someone had to take her place. We knew Hesse had rigged a trap, and knew that he’d know something was up and go after the princess if someone didn’t trip the spell and take the hit in her place.”
“So you’re definitely not royalty?”
“Um, no.”
”So you lied to me!”
”I didn’t lie to you, Danny. I just... didn’t tell you the whole truth.”
”You tricked me into marrying you! You let me believe that you were a princess... prince... whatever, just so that I would marry you!”
”I needed your help. I figured that if we were married then you’d feel... obligated.”
”Obligated?”
”Yes, obligated. Plus the fact...” and Danny could swear that there’s a blush going on there, “I hadn’t got laid in forty years and you’re really kind of...” and Sleeping Beauty gestures helplessly at Danny’s body and grinds to a halt.
And... oh.... oh... Danny really doesn’t know whether to kiss him or rip him a new one. He decides to stick with anger, he’s got a good head of steam worked up already and it’s far less embarrassing than the alternative, at least in public. “You mean you got me into this, got me shot at, blown up, nearly killed, just so you could get in my pants? What is it with you? Couldn’t you just ask me out for a beer, like any normal person?”
Sleeping Beauty shrugs. “It worked, didn’t it? Anyway,” and there’s that grin, that cocky, unrepentant, phenomenally irritating and fucking awesome grin, “It was more fun this way”
Danny can’t help himself, can’t help but take it up a notch, can hear the pitch of his voice rising as he steps right into Sleeping Beauty’s space and jabs his chest with a vicious finger. “You, my friend, are unbelievable…”
If anything, Sleeping Beauty’s grin only gets wider. “But in the best possible way, right?”
And that’s it, how is this even his life, Danny thinks as he sits down abruptly on the step and puts his head in his hands. "I'm never going back to Jersey, am I? I’m going to be stuck here forever, in this pineapple-infested hellhole, married to you, and I don’t even… I can’t even…”
He feels Sleeping Beauty sit down next to him, right up close, pressed against him hip to shoulder. “It’s not that bad, Danny. You like it here really, I know you do. And look on the bright side, this means you get to stay with me.” Sleeping Beauty nudges him with an elbow. The look on his face is a cross between sinfully predatory and heart-stoppingly hopeful (and seriously, how the fuck does he manage to pull that off?). “Maybe when we get home we could do the thing with the ties again. You liked the thing with the ties.”
And that’s the point when Danny has his epiphany. He sees what Jersey has to offer him: more of the same, a middle-ranking Questor until the day he retires or catches a killing curse in the line of duty, forever the laughing stock who went off to Paradise and got tricked into marrying the wrong kind of princess. And he sees what Hawaii has to offer: danger, excitement and insanity, a team he trusts implicitly and likes even more, and Steve McGarrett, this beautiful, crazy man who wants - no, who needs - Danny, who for some bizarre reason seems to have decided that a short, mouthy blond Questor from New Jersey is the man of his dreams.
Plus, the sex is truly, truly, mind-blowingly awesome.
Put like that, it’s really no contest. Danny’s not a complete idiot, after all. And someone needs to stick around to keep Sleeping Beauty out of trouble, he tells himself. It’s practically his public duty. So he slides a look at his spouse and says “Well... yeah, OK, maybe we could put the divorce on hold for a while... but the thing with the ties? This time, babe, I’m gonna be the one in charge!”
The grin that gets him in return is truly, truly blinding. And might just take Danny’s breath away a little bit... not that he’ll ever admit that to anyone, of course, because how daft is that?
* * * * *
So that's how Danny Williams came to Hawaii, found his One True Love and lived Happily Ever After. Just like in the fairytales, only with more guns and violence.