What if?
Title: What if?
Fandom: New Hawaii Five-0
Pairing: Danny Williams/Steve McGarrett
Rating: PG-13
Summary: The boys need to talk
Disclaimer: Don't own them, no harm intended, no profit made etc.
Author's note: A Try me vignette (only it got a bit long…), Danny's POV. Follows Life during wartime, but can be read as a standalone.
What if?
Three times round the block is probably enough, Danny reckons, because soon someone is going to get start getting suspicious, and the last thing he needs is to get pulled over by an HPD blue-and-white and to have to explain why he’s driving round in circles trying to pluck up the courage to knock on his partner’s door. So he gives up on craven cowardice, pulls into Steve’s driveway, and gets his knuckles on the wood of Steve’s door before he can chicken out and run again.
Steve doesn’t exactly look delighted to see him, but Danny’s not backing off now, they’re doing this whether Steve likes it or not, so he squares his shoulders, cocks his head and says in as bright a tone as he can muster, ”You gonna ask me in, McGarrett? Only it seems to me that you and me need to have a conversation.” And honestly, it’s almost comical to see the look of pure panic that flits across Steve’s face at the words “need to have a conversation”, and really, if Danny wasn’t so fucking nervous himself he’d make something of it.
He’ll give this much to his partner, though, he’s no coward (and maybe he’s got one up on Danny there, if Danny cares to think about it). He stands back, lets Danny in, closes the door and... waits.
So, yeah, it’s up to Danny. Now there’s a surprise.
”About last night...”
”What about last night?” Steve’s expression is wary, and Danny realises he’s probably preparing himself for either a smart dressing down or extreme violence. It’s not beyond the realms of possibility that things still might go that way, if Danny’s honest, but he really, sincerely hopes not.
He runs his fingers through his hair, takes a deep breath, figures out where to start. ”Look, I’m sorry I left like that, OK? You’re my partner, whatever happened I owe you better than that, it was a shitty thing to do and I’m sorry.”
Steve nods, face still blank, but he doesn’t say anything, so Danny plows on. “The thing is, I need to know what happened last night. I mean, I know what happened, you kissed me and then we... uh...” and fuck it, he can feel himself going red, and that's so not how he wanted this to go, but they’re in Steve’s living room, and the memory of what they did on that couch last night is blindingly vivid right now. Danny's downstairs brain is screaming at him to just shut the fuck up, to stop being so fucking stupid, and to get his hands on Steve right now and go for a rerun of the hot, dirty sex they had last night, but Danny's upstairs brain is so not listening to that, no way, even if it does appear to be taking a slightly-more-than-aesthetic interest in the way Steve's T stretches across his pecs...
Steve’s voice drags him back to the here and now. ”You kissed me back.”
Trust Steve not to make this easy. ”Stop trying to change the subject. I need to know why you kissed me.”
”Because I wanted to?” Steve’s not meeting his eyes, is studying the wall somewhere behind Danny with the intensity he usually reserves for stripping guns or interrogating suspects. He’s got his chin up and his arms folded, and that’s a defensive posture if Danny’s ever seen one, and his tone isn’t giving anything away.
Danny thinks about that one for a moment. ”Because you wanted to.” And yeah, nothing ventured, nothing gained, so he continues. “And, um, is this something you’ve wanted to do... uh... before? Or just something you felt like doing last night in particular? Because, you know, a girl likes to know if she’s more than a one night stand.” And he’s trying for flippant, but God knows he’s not feeling it, God knows that Steve’s answer matters to him more than he cares to face.
Steve hesitates for a long moment, flicks a quick look at Danny, and then looks sideways, swallows hard and mumbles something Danny can’t quite hear, and no fucking way is he having that, he’s come all the way over here to have this out, it’s too important, and damned if he’s going to let Steve off the hook that easily.
”What was that? You’ll have to speak up, I didn’t catch that.”
Finally Steve looks straight at him, with a look that could be read as defiant, pissed off or defensive, Danny’s not sure which. “I’ve wanted to for a long time, OK? But I didn’t think... hell, you were married once, Danny, I figured there’s no way...” And oh god, he can’t believe what he’s hearing, all this time they’ve been working together and he never realised? Some detective he is... but Steve hasn’t finished, seems hell-bent on getting it out now he’s started. “I never thought you’d want... hell, Danny, I’d never have done anything, you’ve got to know that... but then the other night, the stakeout... you were talking in your sleep...” And Steve grinds to a halt, biting his lip, and no way, fuck, he’s actually blushing, and Danny is surprised to learn that the sight makes him want to wrap his arms around Steve, hold him very tight and tell him that it’s OK, that he feels the same way too and that maybe they should take this upstairs to that big, wide bed and get started on trying some of the things Danny's been dreaming about...
"So you kissed me."
"So I kissed you, and then we had sex, and I'd do it again, right now if you want, and you can't tell me you didn't want it too because I was there, Danny..."
Do it right now, and yeah, Danny's dizzy with the thought that he could just go over there, put his mouth on Steve’s, run his hands over those long, lean muscles and just take what he wants, and fuck the consequences. But of course it’s not that simple, how could it be, this is Danny’s life, after all, and there are complications, Danny has responsibilities.
He rubs his hand across his face, all the ramifications of this jostling for space in his head. ”Jesus, Steve, we can't just..."
"Why not?" The look on Steve's face has gone from defiant to something that says Steve's a long way from a place of safety but not retreating, and the intensity of that look takes Danny's breath away. Steve's serious about this, really, really serious, and fuck, yeah, Danny realises, so is he.
He rubs his face again, closes his eyes so he can't get derailed by that look. "Because... because it's complicated, OK?"
"It doesn't have to be," and Danny knows that tone, knows how goddamned stubborn Steve can be when he's got his mind set on something.
"Steve, we're partners, we work together, there are rules and regulations...”
”We’re not HPD, Danny. Immunity and means, she said. That means we make our own rules.”
”And then there's the Navy...”
”DADT got repealed.”
"I know that, asshole, I read the news. I’m just saying...”
”Saying what, Danny? Because I want this, and if you want this too, we’ll figure it out somehow.”
And yeah, he knows Steve’s serious, knows he means it, and because he owes Steve this much he looks straight at him for the next part, opens his eyes and really looks.
”It’s not just those things, Steve, fuck it, who cares about HPD or the fucking Navy? No, it’s...” and he swallows hard, because he knows this is going to hurt. “It’s Grace. I’ve got to think of Grace. If I get involved with someone... well, it affects Grace, so I’ve got to be sure, really sure...”
He’s watching Steve’s face, and the quickly-concealed look of hurt and bitter disappointment he sees there twists his heart up, and he knows he’s in a bad way. He steps in, puts his hand on Steve’s arm and looks up at him, tries not to think about how much he wants to just give in and kiss him, drag him off to bed and wipe that hurt look off his face. “I’m not saying no, Steve. I'm saying... maybe. I’m saying... give me some time, OK? Give me some time to think about it.” There’s a long pause, and then Steve nods, once, jaw set. “I can do that. But I’ll be here, whenever you’re ready, OK?” And Danny takes one last look at him, all pale and serious and determined, swallows down the lump in his throat and says “OK, OK then, I’ll call you,” turns around, and walks away from the best thing to happen to him in years.
Next: Take a chance on me
Fandom: New Hawaii Five-0
Pairing: Danny Williams/Steve McGarrett
Rating: PG-13
Summary: The boys need to talk
Disclaimer: Don't own them, no harm intended, no profit made etc.
Author's note: A Try me vignette (only it got a bit long…), Danny's POV. Follows Life during wartime, but can be read as a standalone.
What if?
Three times round the block is probably enough, Danny reckons, because soon someone is going to get start getting suspicious, and the last thing he needs is to get pulled over by an HPD blue-and-white and to have to explain why he’s driving round in circles trying to pluck up the courage to knock on his partner’s door. So he gives up on craven cowardice, pulls into Steve’s driveway, and gets his knuckles on the wood of Steve’s door before he can chicken out and run again.
Steve doesn’t exactly look delighted to see him, but Danny’s not backing off now, they’re doing this whether Steve likes it or not, so he squares his shoulders, cocks his head and says in as bright a tone as he can muster, ”You gonna ask me in, McGarrett? Only it seems to me that you and me need to have a conversation.” And honestly, it’s almost comical to see the look of pure panic that flits across Steve’s face at the words “need to have a conversation”, and really, if Danny wasn’t so fucking nervous himself he’d make something of it.
He’ll give this much to his partner, though, he’s no coward (and maybe he’s got one up on Danny there, if Danny cares to think about it). He stands back, lets Danny in, closes the door and... waits.
So, yeah, it’s up to Danny. Now there’s a surprise.
”About last night...”
”What about last night?” Steve’s expression is wary, and Danny realises he’s probably preparing himself for either a smart dressing down or extreme violence. It’s not beyond the realms of possibility that things still might go that way, if Danny’s honest, but he really, sincerely hopes not.
He runs his fingers through his hair, takes a deep breath, figures out where to start. ”Look, I’m sorry I left like that, OK? You’re my partner, whatever happened I owe you better than that, it was a shitty thing to do and I’m sorry.”
Steve nods, face still blank, but he doesn’t say anything, so Danny plows on. “The thing is, I need to know what happened last night. I mean, I know what happened, you kissed me and then we... uh...” and fuck it, he can feel himself going red, and that's so not how he wanted this to go, but they’re in Steve’s living room, and the memory of what they did on that couch last night is blindingly vivid right now. Danny's downstairs brain is screaming at him to just shut the fuck up, to stop being so fucking stupid, and to get his hands on Steve right now and go for a rerun of the hot, dirty sex they had last night, but Danny's upstairs brain is so not listening to that, no way, even if it does appear to be taking a slightly-more-than-aesthetic interest in the way Steve's T stretches across his pecs...
Steve’s voice drags him back to the here and now. ”You kissed me back.”
Trust Steve not to make this easy. ”Stop trying to change the subject. I need to know why you kissed me.”
”Because I wanted to?” Steve’s not meeting his eyes, is studying the wall somewhere behind Danny with the intensity he usually reserves for stripping guns or interrogating suspects. He’s got his chin up and his arms folded, and that’s a defensive posture if Danny’s ever seen one, and his tone isn’t giving anything away.
Danny thinks about that one for a moment. ”Because you wanted to.” And yeah, nothing ventured, nothing gained, so he continues. “And, um, is this something you’ve wanted to do... uh... before? Or just something you felt like doing last night in particular? Because, you know, a girl likes to know if she’s more than a one night stand.” And he’s trying for flippant, but God knows he’s not feeling it, God knows that Steve’s answer matters to him more than he cares to face.
Steve hesitates for a long moment, flicks a quick look at Danny, and then looks sideways, swallows hard and mumbles something Danny can’t quite hear, and no fucking way is he having that, he’s come all the way over here to have this out, it’s too important, and damned if he’s going to let Steve off the hook that easily.
”What was that? You’ll have to speak up, I didn’t catch that.”
Finally Steve looks straight at him, with a look that could be read as defiant, pissed off or defensive, Danny’s not sure which. “I’ve wanted to for a long time, OK? But I didn’t think... hell, you were married once, Danny, I figured there’s no way...” And oh god, he can’t believe what he’s hearing, all this time they’ve been working together and he never realised? Some detective he is... but Steve hasn’t finished, seems hell-bent on getting it out now he’s started. “I never thought you’d want... hell, Danny, I’d never have done anything, you’ve got to know that... but then the other night, the stakeout... you were talking in your sleep...” And Steve grinds to a halt, biting his lip, and no way, fuck, he’s actually blushing, and Danny is surprised to learn that the sight makes him want to wrap his arms around Steve, hold him very tight and tell him that it’s OK, that he feels the same way too and that maybe they should take this upstairs to that big, wide bed and get started on trying some of the things Danny's been dreaming about...
"So you kissed me."
"So I kissed you, and then we had sex, and I'd do it again, right now if you want, and you can't tell me you didn't want it too because I was there, Danny..."
Do it right now, and yeah, Danny's dizzy with the thought that he could just go over there, put his mouth on Steve’s, run his hands over those long, lean muscles and just take what he wants, and fuck the consequences. But of course it’s not that simple, how could it be, this is Danny’s life, after all, and there are complications, Danny has responsibilities.
He rubs his hand across his face, all the ramifications of this jostling for space in his head. ”Jesus, Steve, we can't just..."
"Why not?" The look on Steve's face has gone from defiant to something that says Steve's a long way from a place of safety but not retreating, and the intensity of that look takes Danny's breath away. Steve's serious about this, really, really serious, and fuck, yeah, Danny realises, so is he.
He rubs his face again, closes his eyes so he can't get derailed by that look. "Because... because it's complicated, OK?"
"It doesn't have to be," and Danny knows that tone, knows how goddamned stubborn Steve can be when he's got his mind set on something.
"Steve, we're partners, we work together, there are rules and regulations...”
”We’re not HPD, Danny. Immunity and means, she said. That means we make our own rules.”
”And then there's the Navy...”
”DADT got repealed.”
"I know that, asshole, I read the news. I’m just saying...”
”Saying what, Danny? Because I want this, and if you want this too, we’ll figure it out somehow.”
And yeah, he knows Steve’s serious, knows he means it, and because he owes Steve this much he looks straight at him for the next part, opens his eyes and really looks.
”It’s not just those things, Steve, fuck it, who cares about HPD or the fucking Navy? No, it’s...” and he swallows hard, because he knows this is going to hurt. “It’s Grace. I’ve got to think of Grace. If I get involved with someone... well, it affects Grace, so I’ve got to be sure, really sure...”
He’s watching Steve’s face, and the quickly-concealed look of hurt and bitter disappointment he sees there twists his heart up, and he knows he’s in a bad way. He steps in, puts his hand on Steve’s arm and looks up at him, tries not to think about how much he wants to just give in and kiss him, drag him off to bed and wipe that hurt look off his face. “I’m not saying no, Steve. I'm saying... maybe. I’m saying... give me some time, OK? Give me some time to think about it.” There’s a long pause, and then Steve nods, once, jaw set. “I can do that. But I’ll be here, whenever you’re ready, OK?” And Danny takes one last look at him, all pale and serious and determined, swallows down the lump in his throat and says “OK, OK then, I’ll call you,” turns around, and walks away from the best thing to happen to him in years.
Next: Take a chance on me