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Jan 24, 2010 12:12

From Graham Norton's autobiography:
"...I had now sex with a man, but I didn't feel any different. I know now that that is the great lesson to be learnt - you don't. What should be about who you are sleeping with isn't necessarily so. Most of what defines being gay, wether we like it or not, is lifestyle - it is the bars we go to, the clothes we ( Read more... )

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eumelia January 24 2010, 10:51:21 UTC
Ha! I just wrote a huge long post about how being queer isn't about who you're fucking :D

Such a coinkidink!

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ayalanetzer January 24 2010, 11:07:55 UTC
Really? I havent flisted yet today, but will later and read it.

I don't know.. for me, sexuality is a very very very complicated subject. I've been with a girl, it was great, I'm more attracted to men, but less comfortable with them. I obviosly, live in side my head, in a gay culture.
I never understood those girls who had boyfriends in school, and of which all lives were about boys. I do think I want relationship with men, but probably bi ones. And I am probably one of those people who only going to have a relationship with one or two people in my life.

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eumelia January 24 2010, 11:09:58 UTC
I can't think of anyone - who has taken the time to think about it - for whom sexuality isn't a complicated thing.

Everything you said, I pretty much wrote about - but at length and with angst.

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ayalanetzer January 24 2010, 11:12:49 UTC
I'm sure alot of people have thought about it, but not everyone is me, so I guess everyone is dealing with different sorts of questions.

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ayalanetzer January 24 2010, 14:18:11 UTC
Omg you should. Youll love it. I searched so hard for this book and it was worth it. It's funny but in the past year everything I've been reading has been autobiographies. Sometimes real life is more interesting than fiction.

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ayalanetzer January 24 2010, 14:24:09 UTC
Graham Norton, So Me.

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dvanulya January 24 2010, 14:34:05 UTC
I love that book! I picked it up when I went to London for La Cage. It's definitely worth reading, and re-reading.

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ayalanetzer January 24 2010, 14:38:19 UTC
I actually searched for the book EVERYWHERE in london and didn't find it. Lol which is why it took me long to get it.

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ayalanetzer January 24 2010, 15:29:41 UTC
"being gay" differs from person to person as sexuality is very different in different people. Lifestyle isn't everything. But graham norton (and me to some extent) couldn't tell you when he was 20 what he was. So obviously it wasn't a choice, it was who he was always, but it wasn't only about sex.

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ayalanetzer January 24 2010, 16:41:52 UTC
of course not. But its still a major factor, IMO.
Obviosly, its not something you choose, but also, not black and white. Graham Norton was saying that he isn't gay because he doesn't like sex with women. For him there wasn't much of a difference. He was gay because of many factors, not only the act of sex.

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ayalanetzer January 24 2010, 16:31:54 UTC
This is only a small part of his autobiography. He writes about all his defining sexual experiences, and certeinly doesnt hold back.
Graham, had a short sexual experience with a boy when he was 16. It overwhelmed him alot. After that he had a short relationship with his french teacher at university, a woman who told him he is gay.

Alot of people told him he was gay before he could say that to himself. He didn't choose to be gay he was born that way, and he wasnt denying that. What he was saying, is that he thought that he'd sleep with a man, then it all would be clear. But it wasn't that way, because it wasn't the sexual act itself that defined for him his sexuality, it was more about emotions, communication, and yes, also physicality, but NOT ONLY about sex.

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