Avrelia ponders why Spike stayed in LA and cites Vladimir Lenin along the way
Long time ago elisi made a post about reasons why Spike stayed in LA and not went to look for Buffy in Europe. I read it, enjoyed, said "I have some thoughts, but I will comment later", and went on to some other stuff.
Here comes later, and my thoughts (random and disjointed) on why Spike stayed in LA (besides obvious meta-reasons) ;)
Also dedicated to Ats5 dvd release. Though I am not going to buy those dvds for a long time to come.
First thing he thinks about, and asks Angel - Buffy. Even after finding out his sad ghostly state he is trying to get to her, wherever she is.
Yet he couldn’t - he was bound to LA, to W&H.
So he is starting his life in the universe of Angel the series. The universe where there is no right decisions, no hope or peace for heroes, where all roads lead to hell, and no road leads to Rome.
Spike finds himself hell bound in the most literal sense - by Pavayne, and in a poetic sense - by Angel-helped realization that his heroic death doesn’t make up for the century of happy carnage.
For several episodes he is just hanging in the air - or whatever the ghosts do. In this time he observes W&H, Angel and his team, the problems, the attitudes - Spike listens, Spike watches, and Spike learns. He learns many different things: that Angel has friends, that hell is of our own making, and the reality bends to desire are among them
He used the last principle before - unconsciously, but successfully. Now he tries to apply it to his situation, learning to influence the world again.
Oops, he became corporeal. Of course, he’s got a magic box from nowhere, but as we were never explained what was there, and how it worked, I can safely wank that it worked because Spike tried to move objects and wanted it so much.
So, he is corporeal and is free to go. Only he is not in a hurry, is he? Let’s see. After initial flesh-feast, he is all but left for Europe - only Angel asks him to stay and sort the “champion” thing out. Which leads to the showdown in the opera theatre (Those two drama queens!) was there really a danger to the world? Something behind the clumsy plotting? (Lindsay’s or ME’s) I am not sure, but the showdown was to be expected. Spike wins - and what? Goes drinking for couple of weeks, before showing up on W&H offices.
I think he tried to figure out what all of this mean for him - him alone. The possibility of shanshu, the fight with Angel, the winning, his shiny new existence…
And I think he didn’t figure it out. (insert a passage of an influence of alcohol on brain activity.) so he goes back to one thing he wanted to do forever - and I guess, he really didn’t think about it much, either - finding Buffy.
But when he goes to Europe, he starts thinking - and he comes back.
His explanations to Harmony later scream “Lame Excuses!” to me. What was the real reason then: his realization that Buffy is an evil bitch who dances on his grave in her new shoes, or that he decided he was not going to get from her the love he deserves, or something else?
Well, I think something else, of course.
I saw the last scene between Spike and Buffy as the moment of perfect clarity for both of them. Where nothing was hidden in either and all parts of their souls were on display for each other. He knew that she loved him then - I have no doubts about it, and as to why he told her “no, you don’t”, it is a story for another day, and there are posts with the analyses that make a perfect sense to me, so I’ll be just repeating smarter people here.
However, the big moments come and go, you cannot help it, and what’s really important is what you do after. This Whistler’s words from “Becoming” (paraphrased) often seem to me a key to the Buffyverse. We always see characters have epiphanies, big and small, and then, seemingly regress - which a reason for hate to some, and the reason for love to me. Because we are not linear, and neither our characters’ development. It is always one step forward, two steps backward (© V. Lenin)
So, after one moment when he knew that Buffy loves him, came months when he could doubt everything that happened between them, amplified by Angel’s words, his presence, and the closeness of hell. He remembered being a hero, but he didn’t feel like one any longer.
He has doubts now - lots of doubts - did she really loved him? Did she said what she said only because he was dying? Didi she forget him already?
He is as close to fulfilling his long-standing wish - to be with Buffy that loves him, to be loved, as he is ever going to be (on-screen), and it is the scariest moment in his life. Fulfilling our wishes often has this effect on us. What if she meant it all, what if she really loves him? The scariest thought of all - a completely new territory for him
There are much more confusion in the mix: he gave his life so that (only one of many reasons!) Buffy could have a normal life. Now what, come and take his sacrifice back? She is probably enjoying her new normal, Spike-less life, and he would look stupid showing up.
Me: No, you dope, you wouldn’t! (as you can see, I am trying to get into Spike’s train of thought here, and don’t think it somehow proves Buffy’s shallowness.)
And he doesn’t feel that worthy - more like damned forever, and it is not due his history with Buffy, as the new cheerful outlook borrowed from Angel.
The last time he saw her was as perfect as it can get. She said she loved him, and left when he told her so, leaving the hero’s spotlight and the hero’s death for him. Not one variant of their meeting he plays in his head can top it, and he is sure, the real one will be much worse. ;)
real life is bound to destroy the perfect memory, - maybe giving something better in return, but the risk now is unbearable.
Spike is terribly unsure of himself and his place in the world at this point. Does he have a special, reserved only for him place, or he is a sidekick forever?
His visit to Rome confirms whatever he wants to be confirmed. Which is that Buffy enjoys the normal life without him. Now, we don’t know anything about Buffy - besides that she lives in Rome, dates Immortal, and organizes new slayers. We see it through the eyes of Angel and Spike, and hear all the information from Andrew - an unreliable narrator if there ever was one.
Everything he’s seen and learned in the last several months in LA leads him to the decision to stay - and figure those things for himself. He is still an outsider, but now he is there on his own free will.
I have to say that during the course of s7 BtVS I wished that Buffy wasn’t the only Spike’s anchor to the existence, his only driving force. That their relationship would be healthier if both of them had things outside of each other - as Buffy had her family and slaying responsibilities, and even day jobs. I am not trying to say that it was the only thing needed for their relationship to be healthy, but one of the important ones. Spike needed a life outside of Buffy - whether he would go to be with her or not. So I actively cheered when Spike stayed in LA.
Spike starts his own quest - to the new purpose, heavily influenced by Angel both by external reasons (it’s Angels’ show, everyone is influence by him) and the internal ones - he was his Yoda, after all, and still is important.
There were hits and misses - like the lonely hero thing, and during an unsuccessful attempt to save Fred’s life he became a part of Angel’s team.
We learn that he thinks that his time is borrowed and feels the need to fill it with something worthwhile - like the hopeless battle in the coming Apocalypse. I guess, this feeling is another reason why he stays - why subject Buffy to the pain of his imminent death again.
And no, I don’t think he died in that battle. Or that he finished his growth by the end of the season - but the scene with the poetry reading was gorgeous: a real act of bravery, accepting all parts of himself. (and the cheer, I believe, went more for that bravery than for poetry itself, even though it was better than I’ve heard in similar settings.)
That’s pretty much it.
Here comes later, and my thoughts (random and disjointed) on why Spike stayed in LA (besides obvious meta-reasons) ;)
Also dedicated to Ats5 dvd release. Though I am not going to buy those dvds for a long time to come.
First thing he thinks about, and asks Angel - Buffy. Even after finding out his sad ghostly state he is trying to get to her, wherever she is.
Yet he couldn’t - he was bound to LA, to W&H.
So he is starting his life in the universe of Angel the series. The universe where there is no right decisions, no hope or peace for heroes, where all roads lead to hell, and no road leads to Rome.
Spike finds himself hell bound in the most literal sense - by Pavayne, and in a poetic sense - by Angel-helped realization that his heroic death doesn’t make up for the century of happy carnage.
For several episodes he is just hanging in the air - or whatever the ghosts do. In this time he observes W&H, Angel and his team, the problems, the attitudes - Spike listens, Spike watches, and Spike learns. He learns many different things: that Angel has friends, that hell is of our own making, and the reality bends to desire are among them
He used the last principle before - unconsciously, but successfully. Now he tries to apply it to his situation, learning to influence the world again.
Oops, he became corporeal. Of course, he’s got a magic box from nowhere, but as we were never explained what was there, and how it worked, I can safely wank that it worked because Spike tried to move objects and wanted it so much.
So, he is corporeal and is free to go. Only he is not in a hurry, is he? Let’s see. After initial flesh-feast, he is all but left for Europe - only Angel asks him to stay and sort the “champion” thing out. Which leads to the showdown in the opera theatre (Those two drama queens!) was there really a danger to the world? Something behind the clumsy plotting? (Lindsay’s or ME’s) I am not sure, but the showdown was to be expected. Spike wins - and what? Goes drinking for couple of weeks, before showing up on W&H offices.
I think he tried to figure out what all of this mean for him - him alone. The possibility of shanshu, the fight with Angel, the winning, his shiny new existence…
And I think he didn’t figure it out. (insert a passage of an influence of alcohol on brain activity.) so he goes back to one thing he wanted to do forever - and I guess, he really didn’t think about it much, either - finding Buffy.
But when he goes to Europe, he starts thinking - and he comes back.
His explanations to Harmony later scream “Lame Excuses!” to me. What was the real reason then: his realization that Buffy is an evil bitch who dances on his grave in her new shoes, or that he decided he was not going to get from her the love he deserves, or something else?
Well, I think something else, of course.
I saw the last scene between Spike and Buffy as the moment of perfect clarity for both of them. Where nothing was hidden in either and all parts of their souls were on display for each other. He knew that she loved him then - I have no doubts about it, and as to why he told her “no, you don’t”, it is a story for another day, and there are posts with the analyses that make a perfect sense to me, so I’ll be just repeating smarter people here.
However, the big moments come and go, you cannot help it, and what’s really important is what you do after. This Whistler’s words from “Becoming” (paraphrased) often seem to me a key to the Buffyverse. We always see characters have epiphanies, big and small, and then, seemingly regress - which a reason for hate to some, and the reason for love to me. Because we are not linear, and neither our characters’ development. It is always one step forward, two steps backward (© V. Lenin)
So, after one moment when he knew that Buffy loves him, came months when he could doubt everything that happened between them, amplified by Angel’s words, his presence, and the closeness of hell. He remembered being a hero, but he didn’t feel like one any longer.
He has doubts now - lots of doubts - did she really loved him? Did she said what she said only because he was dying? Didi she forget him already?
He is as close to fulfilling his long-standing wish - to be with Buffy that loves him, to be loved, as he is ever going to be (on-screen), and it is the scariest moment in his life. Fulfilling our wishes often has this effect on us. What if she meant it all, what if she really loves him? The scariest thought of all - a completely new territory for him
There are much more confusion in the mix: he gave his life so that (only one of many reasons!) Buffy could have a normal life. Now what, come and take his sacrifice back? She is probably enjoying her new normal, Spike-less life, and he would look stupid showing up.
Me: No, you dope, you wouldn’t! (as you can see, I am trying to get into Spike’s train of thought here, and don’t think it somehow proves Buffy’s shallowness.)
And he doesn’t feel that worthy - more like damned forever, and it is not due his history with Buffy, as the new cheerful outlook borrowed from Angel.
The last time he saw her was as perfect as it can get. She said she loved him, and left when he told her so, leaving the hero’s spotlight and the hero’s death for him. Not one variant of their meeting he plays in his head can top it, and he is sure, the real one will be much worse. ;)
real life is bound to destroy the perfect memory, - maybe giving something better in return, but the risk now is unbearable.
Spike is terribly unsure of himself and his place in the world at this point. Does he have a special, reserved only for him place, or he is a sidekick forever?
His visit to Rome confirms whatever he wants to be confirmed. Which is that Buffy enjoys the normal life without him. Now, we don’t know anything about Buffy - besides that she lives in Rome, dates Immortal, and organizes new slayers. We see it through the eyes of Angel and Spike, and hear all the information from Andrew - an unreliable narrator if there ever was one.
Everything he’s seen and learned in the last several months in LA leads him to the decision to stay - and figure those things for himself. He is still an outsider, but now he is there on his own free will.
I have to say that during the course of s7 BtVS I wished that Buffy wasn’t the only Spike’s anchor to the existence, his only driving force. That their relationship would be healthier if both of them had things outside of each other - as Buffy had her family and slaying responsibilities, and even day jobs. I am not trying to say that it was the only thing needed for their relationship to be healthy, but one of the important ones. Spike needed a life outside of Buffy - whether he would go to be with her or not. So I actively cheered when Spike stayed in LA.
Spike starts his own quest - to the new purpose, heavily influenced by Angel both by external reasons (it’s Angels’ show, everyone is influence by him) and the internal ones - he was his Yoda, after all, and still is important.
There were hits and misses - like the lonely hero thing, and during an unsuccessful attempt to save Fred’s life he became a part of Angel’s team.
We learn that he thinks that his time is borrowed and feels the need to fill it with something worthwhile - like the hopeless battle in the coming Apocalypse. I guess, this feeling is another reason why he stays - why subject Buffy to the pain of his imminent death again.
And no, I don’t think he died in that battle. Or that he finished his growth by the end of the season - but the scene with the poetry reading was gorgeous: a real act of bravery, accepting all parts of himself. (and the cheer, I believe, went more for that bravery than for poetry itself, even though it was better than I’ve heard in similar settings.)
That’s pretty much it.