bleach fic: Two minutes without you, an eternity by your side
So Bleach has taken over my brain... again. I'm even reading het again, and what's worse, writing it. Well, it's more gen than het, but yeah, it's not slash.
Umm, right... the fic
Two minutes without you, an eternity by your side
Fandom: Bleach
Author: aviss
Characters: Matsumoto, Hitsugaya, Ichimaru
Genre: Gen, angst. Hints of Hitsugaya/Matsumoto, not so subtle hints of Ichimaru/Matsumoto
Rating: PG-13
Words: aprox 5.300
Summary: I see they're giving you hell, Rangiku.We'll give them hell instead, you'll see.
Notes: Unbetaed, so be free to pick it apart. Concrit is always welcome.
Two minutes without you, an eternity by your side
The rumours this time had been the most vicious and cruel so far. It made things even worse to know there was a hint of truth in them. Not a lot of truth, just a hint of things she wasn't going to admit even to herself.
They said: Matsumoto Rangiku is pretty, and has a curvy and beautiful body she's not ashamed to show around. What other reason does the old man need to make her his vice-Taichou?
They said: It's not that, it's Ichimaru-taichou, they are good friends, really good friends if you get my meaning. He was the one who put her name forth for the promotion.
They said: Well, I would promote her to Taichou or even Soutaichou if that got her into my bed. And then follow it with raucous laugher.
Those were the rumours she could almost stand, the conversations between males when they were unaware she could hear them. They were hurtful, but lacked the malice of the other ones.
Soul Society had always been ruled by men; even if women could advance and achive the range of Taichou in some of the divisions of the Gotei 13, it was acknowledged it was only in special cases. There was Division 2, ruled by the Shihouin clan since the beginning of Soul Society, and its current Taichou, Yoruichi. She wasn't a conventional one, but then Division 2 wasn't a conventional division. And besides, she was nobility. Then, there was Division 4, and Retsu Unohana. But then again, Division 4 were healers, and they saw no problem with a woman being the strongest healer in the Gotei 13.
So far the rest of the Taichous were male, and except one, the rest of their fukutaichous as well. And no one was going to question Shunsui on his choice of second.
Her appointment as 10th Division fukutaichou was the most recent piece of gossip, and even if she new it would be forgotten soon, it hurt her. Not the men's jokes or their blatant leering. It was the women's jealousy and spite that made her cringe and feel almost ashamed of getting the position.
They said: The only things she have are her boobs and her looks. And I heard she's really wild in combat.
They said: Being Ichimaru Gin's drinking buddy, and more, had to pay off for something. Why else would she go near that creep?
They said: Futaba-taichou was really eager to have a second like her on his division. I heard him saying she would be perfect working under him.
She tried not to pay attention to them but they were becoming nastier with each passing day, until she had to drown in sake just to be able to sleep.
The worst part was that some of them were almost right. Almost. Futaba-taichou was a lecherous man that spent Matsumoto's first week as his second ogling her boobs and making lewd comments about her. But she didn't ask for it, and she didn't want his attention. It was also true it had been Gin who recommended her for the promotion; but they weren't more than friends, even if she would have wanted to.
Matsumoto was close to losing it: the cold stares from the women, the leers from the men, his Taichou's harassing and Gin's coldness--everything; it was too much.
"I see they're giving you hell, Rangiku," Gin commented almost gently when he found her drunk one night. Matsumoto could only nod and reach for the jar of sake he had by his side. Gin took it out of her reach and carefully picked her up and carried her to the futon. "We'll give them hell instead, you'll see. Just smile and become stronger, and when you achieve Ban-kai, you'll shut them up becoming the next jubantai-taichou."
She was almost unconscious by that time so she couldn't remember if that was true, but she could swear she felt a kiss on her lips, so light as to be just her imagination.
She started training the next morning. Achieving Ban-kai, showing everyone around she was more than a pneumatic bimbo and becoming the next Taichou of 10th Division were the only things on her mind. That, and maybe, just maybe, get Gin to kiss her one more time.
…
Time had a strange quality in Soul Society: the last fifteen years had gone by without Matsumoto's noticing, even if each day dragged along at a slow, maddening pace.
She wasn't closer to achieving Ban-kai than before, her duties as fukutaichou keeping her occupied most of time. Now that Futaba-taichou had finally realized she wasn't going to jump into bed with him he loaded her with work as a punishment. Matsumoto didn't mind, though, she was learning the ropes of the 10th Division, even if that didn't let her enough time to train.
The rumours stopped long ago. Urahara Kisuke's disappearance followed by Shihouin Yorouchi's immediately afterward spread like wildfire through the rumour mill, and Matsumoto's dubious appointment was forgotten for that juicer piece of gossip. But she didn't forget, and neither did Gin. They still had a drink together from time to time, and they still trained together when they had the time to spare. It looked to her as if Gin had something in mind for her, as if he was training her for something. But they still got to spend time together, so Matsumoto never questioned his interest in making her the next Taichou. She would ask someday, when she had Ban-kai and was the leader of her Division. She had time.
Or so she thought.
The news of her Taichou's demise caught her by surprise. It wasn't time yet, she wasn't strong enough. After all she had to endure for the past fifteen years, and as much as she hated Futaba-taichou, she wasn't ready for him to die.
He had been killed by a Hollow during a mission, and Yamamoto-soutaichou had called the rest of the Taichous the next day to appoint a new one for 10th Division.
Matsumoto has been called too, but she didn't enter the room until the big door opened to let the Taichous out. Gin's look was more than enough to tell her it wasn't good.
She steeled herself and entered the room. Yamamoto-soutaichou wasn't alone. By his side a grumpy looking kid was scowling. He was wearing the white haori that marked him as a Taichou.
Matsumoto realized with some dismay that he was going to be her new superior, and also that she knew who he was. She had heard the rumours as well: the boy-genius, the one who achieved Ban-kai before even hitting puberty, the kid with the cold glare and even colder zanpaktou. Hitsugaya Toushirou.
It was clear now she would never be the head of the 10th Division.
…
Matsumoto realized several things in her first month working under Hitsugaya-taichou, and some of them she would even admit out loud.
The first one was that he was a damn fine Taichou. It had taken him less than a week to take control over the 10th Division, and even if he assigned tasks to every one equally he took most of the workload for himself. Matsumoto barely knew what to do with all her spare time now. And he was efficient; the Division had never run so smoothly, she had to admit. Even when she had been the one almost running things, her authority was always undermined by his Taichou's grudge against her and some of her colleagues' jealousy.
There was also the fact that he never underestimated her, or thought less of her abilities because of her appearance. It was a strange feeling; he looked at her, most of the time his eyes level with her breasts, and she never felt intimidated or uncomfortable. It must have been because he was so short he could never look higher than her breasts. But he actually took into account her opinions and some of her advice, and that made it hard for her to hate him.
And she had been ready to hate him. Since the moment she saw him and realized she had been overlooked again, she had been ready to despise that boy genius who had taken the position she had been working so hard for. But she couldn't because she could see--even if she wouldn't admit it--that he was doing a good job.
Better than she could have.
And there was the fact that his appointment wasn't accepted easily in the Division. Most of the members didn't want to work under a Taichou who looked young enough to be still in Rukongai awaiting his summons to the academy.
On his first week, Hitsugaya had taken things into his hands and called the whole Division outside. Then he proceeded to unleash Hyourinmaru.
"If any of you have any problem accepting orders from me, you can complain to Hyourinmaru." He glared at the entire company while Matsumoto had to stifle a giggle. Nobody spoke up.
There weren't any problems after that within the Division, but she knew outside the 10th he still had to bear the taunts about his youth and height. She could feel sympathy for him; she understood perfectly what he was going through.
Matsumoto also knew there was some strange tension between him and Gin, but she didn't know the cause. Her old friend was always cold--colder--around her new Taichou. And Hitsugaya tended to look at Gin suspiciously. But then Hitsugaya seemed to be suspicious of everyone except his friend Hinamori Momo and her Taichou, the gentle Aizen-taichou of Division 5.
She asked Gin one night, while they were already drunk, the reason he didn't like Hitsugaya-taichou.
"He's too cold, Ran-chan," he said, addressing her in the way he used to before he was made a Taichou, sure signal that he was drunk. "And I don't want that cold kid too close to you; he won't let you come with me--to have a drink so often." She also knew it was a lie but her heart skipped a beat nonetheless, and for a moment she hoped that Gin's dislike of her new Taichou was due to jealousy. "And besides, it's a drawback; I wanted you in that position."
The last was delivered so low she barely heard it, and she was so far gone it didn't really register in her mind until much, much later.
"Matsumoto!" Hitsugaya's voice took her out of her musings, and she snapped back to the present startled. Her Taichou was at the door, his zanpaktou on his back, scowling at her. "Did you hear a word I said?"
"No, I'm sorry, Hitsugaya-taichou, my mind was wandering." She replied, blushing.
"I said that since we are going to be fighting together from now on and we finally managed to get the Division paperwork up to date and have some time to spare now, we should go see how our fighting styles combine." His voice was gruff, but he looked eager. For a month they had been doing nothing else but paperwork, he must have been itching to go out.
"Yes, Hitsugaya-taichou." She replied immediately, squaring her shoulders and putting her hand on Haineko.
That was also new, she though, and another reason for her not to hate him. Futaba-bastard-taichou had never let her fight alongside with him, saying that he wouldn't risk his fukutaichou to be injured and spoiling her good looks, her best assets.
Matsumoto followed her Taichou, her mind still going through the reasons why she was unable to hate the kid who had taken the Division from her.
So: he was a good Taichou, he didn't underestimate her because she was pretty, he actually listened to her, he was strong enough to bear the taunts of the rest of the shinigamis and meet their eyes with his icy stare, and he was willing to fight with her, to trust her to cover his back. And it doesn't hurt the fact that he is cute.
Startled by this last thought, she almost didn't realize Hitsugaya had stopped and was facing her. Matsumoto pushed all other thoughts aside and drew Haineko when she saw him getting ready to fight.
Her confusion could wait now she had to prove to her Taichou that she was worthy of his trust.
…
As time tended to do in Seiretei, the years flew by but the Gotei 13 remained the same. Or almost.
In Matsumoto's eyes had been few things worth remembering in the past decades. She was still Hitsugaya's second, Gin was still a cold bastard who liked to play with her, and the male shinigami still liked to look at her and tease her Taichou about his height. It wasn't even that bad now; at least he could look her in the eye, if he tilted his head back enough.
She could still remember those years with her previous Taichou, and how much work she had to do just to keep out of his reach. It was an improvement, really, the fact that Hitsugaya seemed to have eyes only for Hinamori-fukutaicho.
"Here you are, Matsumoto-san," Kira greeted her when she paid a visit to the 3rd Division Taisha. "Ichimaru-taichou is out now, but he will be back soon. Would you like to wait for him?"
Matsumoto looked around, and saw the big pile of papers on the fukutaicho's desk, remembering she had left again without finishing all her work. She smiled; Hitsugaya would come screaming after her the minute he realized what she had done. He still didn't seem to like Gin, but then few others did; even Aizen-taichou looked at Gin suspiciously.
"Why not, Kira? I don't really have anything better to do," she replied smiling. Kira was a usual companion on her drunken nights with Gin, and she felt comfortable with him and that other friend of his, Abarai. "Do you keep any sake here?"
"No, Matsumoto-san, I'm not Shunsui." He said with a sly smile, and she couldn't help but smile back.
"Then I think I will come back later, when you've had time to get some." she turned to leave and froze when she heard her Taichou's voice calling for her. Loudly.
"MATSUMOTO!"
"Umm, I guess I have to leave now," she wasn't afraid at all of Hitsugaya; she knew that no matter how angry he was she tried to avoid doing her paperwork, he still trusted her as his second. A big change indeed. "Tell Gin he owes me a drink for tonight." And she rushed out, smiling.
Yes, nothing had changed in decades, but then, maybe not everything stayed the same.
…
Matsumoto knew her feelings were changing the first time she saw Hinamori Momo teasing Hitsugaya and felt like scolding her for not addressing him properly. It was stupid, really. They had been friends for almost as long as she had been friends with Gin, and if Hitsugaya respected her enough not to interfere with her private life even if he disliked Gin, she had to be mature enough not to intrude in a private moment between her Taichou and his oldest friend.
It still irked her, though.
That night she went to the 3rd Division Taisha with a jar of sake and got drunk with Kira and Gin. She still couldn't take her mind out of it. It was the first time she could remember thinking about someone else while being with Gin. It was also the first time her stomach didn't do a somersault when Gin leaned close to her for some reason or another.
Must be getting over him, was her first thought; and it was even possible, because you can only love someone like Gin for so many centuries before giving up. Sometimes she had envied humans: even the luckiest or unluckiest of them had only a short period of time to love someone. Short compared to Shinigami. It was unfair that she had loved the same man for so many years and he was still playing with her.
So she ignored Gin's flirting, and kept thinking about healing wounds and the possibility of actually getting over Gin only to fall for someone even more dangerous.
When Kira passed out and it was just Gin and her conscious in the room, Gin reclaimed her full attention putting his hand gently on her cheek. "You seem to be far away, Rangiku," he said in a teasing voice. "Am I boring you?"
She was about to deny it when he stood up and offered his hand to her.
"Its time to call it a day, anyway." Gin helped her up and led her to the door. "I have mountains of work to do tomorrow, and I'm sure your Taichou will try to overwork you as usual."
Matsumoto has to stifle a yawn and realized that he was right; it was late, and she had to work the next day. Somehow, the idea of working with her Taichou in the morning seemed more attractive than staying up with Gin half the night. That couldn't be right.
She gathered her courage and gently pressed her lips to Gin's, just for a second. Her stomach didn't do a somersault, but her heart threatened to jump out of her chest and all was right in the world again.
She missed Gin's smile when she left, but that was also for the better.
…
All wasn't right in the world. Not in Matsumoto's, and not in Seiretei in general. She knew that the world was bigger than that, but she didn't care about the rest.
She had hardly anytime to deal with her own feelings when the world had come crashing down on them. Aizen-taichou was dead, Hinamori was half-crazed with pain, and Hitsugaya was looking at Gin with such unrestrained anger and hatred she was feeling more and more frightened every moment.
Something really bad was about to happen.
And she wasn't taking into account the bad things already happening around them.
Ryoka on the loose in Seiretei, a dubiously approved execution, and a respected and well loved Taichou assassinated. Then, why the only thing in her mind was the fight she could see coming between the two most important men in her life?
She knew she still loved Gin, to some degree, though her own feelings were changing.
She also knew she respected and admired Hitsugaya, and that he was the one she was loyal to. Her feelings were also changing in that front, though she wouldn't have admitted it ever. It was a complication, it was improper, and he was still a child. A hundred years old child, but a child nonetheless.
It was late, she was tired, and the couch looked so damn tempting while Hitsugaya worked on the 5th Division paperwork that Matsumoto couldn't help but rest for a while thinking about the mess everything was now, and doze off.
When she woke up most of the work was done, and her Taichou looked terribly tired. Both of them deserved a good night of sleep.
A night they weren't going to get, judging by his look when they received the news of Hinamori's disappearance from her cell.
"Go home and rest, I'll look for Hinamori." Hitsugaya ordered, but she didn't want to do that. She had a really bad feeling about it.
Matsumoto tried to obey, too many years together taught her when she could overlook her Taichou's order, and when he was being serious. More than usual.
She was halfway to her room when she felt it. Hyorinmaru. And a terrible certainty gripped her. It's wasn't Hinamori the one he found; it was Gin.
She followed Hitsugaya's reiatsu, as familiar to her as her own, and froze when she saw the scene in front of her.
The fight was fierce, and Hitsugaya emanated an aura of hatred and power like she had never seen before. And she had fought countless battles by his side. And Gin--Gin looked calm, but she could read him like nobody else, and she could see he was excited, amused.
As if the fight was noting but a game to him.
Then it was the end, Gin was trapped--no, it wasn't Gin the one who was trapped. She knew he had something up his sleeve, and Matsumoto made up her mind in that instant. She tried to warn her Taichou, but it was too late. Shinshou was already attacking, and luckily Hitsugaya was fast enough to dodge it--and there it was, Gin's triumph card. Hinamori. Straight in the middle of Shinshou's path, unconscious and defenceless.
Matsumoto had only one second to react.
She could betray the man she had loved almost all her life, her first friend. Or she could betray her Taichou, the boy who won her respect and trust and admiration in the past years together.
She was there, blocking Gin's attack, asking him to withdraw or she would be forced to fight him. And his look said everything she didn't understand before. I knew I would lose you to this cold kid.
She closed her eyes when he turned his back to her, and the pain ripping her apart made her wonder how she had ever thought she didn't love him anymore.
She couldn't look her Taichou in the eye on their way back, feeling as if she had betrayed him somehow just by loving Gin so much.
…
Even though she was hearing it with her own ears, Matsumoto couldn't believe Isane's words. No, it wasn't possible. Her Taichou couldn't have lost. Gin couldn't be a traitor.
But in her heart she knew it was true, and she didn't know if she should rush to Hitsugaya's side or if she should hurry and try to stop the traitors. There was only one option, really. Hitsugaya was beyond her help, and she knew she had to try to stop Gin. For her Taichou. For herself.
The place was chaos when she arrived. Ryokas everywhere, one of them half dead on the ground, Kuchiki-taichou heavily wounded, Abarai Renji looked dead, and Kuchiki Rukia looked terrified and torn between so many people needing help. And there, in the middle was Aizen, the gentle Taichou everyone admired, the traitor who had lied to everyone. And Soi-Fong and--was that Shihouin Yoruichi with her?
Matsumoto saw him then, standing behind Aizen and ready to act. She didn't even need to think this time; she was grabbing his wrist and pressing Haineko against his neck.
Gin looked at her, and for a second she could see a resigned expression on his face, before the smiling mask was back again. She was hurt, and angry, and sad, and wanted to kill him, to kiss him, to tell him to go with her to some place just for the two of them, like at the beginning. And everything was happening so fast she didn't know if it was real or just another nightmare.
It had to be a nightmare.
There were words, but she didn't hear them. There were shouts, and accusations and tears, but she paid no mind to them. She could only see Gin's face in front of her and Hitsugaya's face in her mind.
Suddenly it was over, the light was coming from the sky and she had a second to react or be trapped. Let go of Gin forever, or be trapped with him for eternity.
"Forgive me." He said. Come with me, she heard in his apology. like you were supposed to, come with me.
Closing her eyes she jumped back, trying not to see his expression of pain. But she saw, for an instant before he smiled again. And she knew, with uncanny certainty, that he had loved her. In his own twisted way, but loved her.
But she couldn't go, because she was Matsumoto Rangiku, and she was loyal. Even if that meant betraying her heart.
…
This time the rumours weren't as bad, or it could be she was already immune to them. Most of the time her name wasn't even mentioned; but every time she heard Gin's name, she shivered.
Kira was having a worse time out of it she did. He had played an active role in the whole thing; even if he hadn't been more than a puppet, he had respected and admired his Taichou and trusted him till the end. And his two best friends had almost died because of that. Both of them had guilt and nightmares to deal with every day, so it was natural they tried to get over them together. With as many jars of sake as it was necessary.
Matsumoto had also taken a decision. It had been an easy one after all that happened but it only added to the guilt she was already dealing with.
She couldn't go back.
The transfer request was already on her Taichou's desk waiting for him to recover enough to sign it.
She didn't even want to go back to say goodbye. She couldn't bear to look at Hitsugaya's face; not after everything Gin had done to them.
"And the worst thing," Kira was babbling, drunk to the point of almost being unconscious. The lucky guy had no head for sake. "was his smile. I wun--wor--wondered sometimes why he smiled like that all the time."
"And his eyes," Matsumoto joined the Gin-bashing; it had turned into a pastime for them in their drunken nights. "they were strange eyes, you couldn't see them under that fringe of his, and even if you could they were strange."
They weren't making much sense, but it made them feel better to be able to share their pain about Gin's betrayal.
"Yeah, they were funny eyes." Kira said, before dropping his head on his chest.
"And I think," she continued, unaware there wasn't anyone to listen to her anymore. "I like clear eyes better. I like to see beautiful, green eyes. And I can't go back because of that bastard-strange-eyed-Gin. Because he left me here, and he also robbed me of the chance of being with my Taichou. Because, because--" she looked around and saw that Kira was out of it, and she was glad he wasn't going to hear her next confession. She lowered her voice anyway. "--because, he knows how much I loved Gin, and he also knows I still do--but he doesn’t know that I--that I also--" she couldn't say it, not even to an empty room. If she said it, it would be real. And she didn't want it to be real.
She closed her eyes and lied down thinking about the last part of her confession. Do I really love him too or it's just me wanting to get over this as soon as possible? Do I?
She didn't get the answer in the morning. The only things waiting for her when she woke up were a hangover and a dirty house.
…
"Matsumoto-fukutaicho, Hitsugaya-taichou is waiting for you in his office."
The entire week she had been dreading listening to those words. Since the moment Hitsugaya returned to work, looking tired and older than anyone with that body ought to, she had been avoiding him. She still didn't have an answer to her own question, and she preferred it that way. Being confused was better than dealing with the possibility of having the only part of her heart still intact shattered to pieces.
She dragged her feet all the way to the office, oblivious to the concerned stares the rest of the Division were sending her way. It had been a long time since anyone had been jealous of her, and her colleagues were worried that the usually cheerful Matsumoto looked almost as gloomy as their Taichou.
Hitsugaya was on his desk, as usual, a pile of papers covering the whole surface. On top of them, just in front of him, she could see her transfer request. She steeled herself. It was time for explanations and goodbye, then.
"Hitsugaya-taichou," she said making her presence known to him though she was sure he had felt her approaching, "you called for me."
"Matsumoto, I've signed us to go to Earth on the reinforcement mission." He said, not looking at her. Whatever she was expecting, it wasn't that.
"What?" she asked dumbly.
Hitsugaya looked at her then, she could see concern in his eyes under his usual annoyed expression. "They're sending a party to help that Ryoka boy, Kurosaki. They believe Aizen will make his next move there."
"But--"
"We have to be there, Matsumoto." He stood up and picked her transfer request without looking at it. "This is yours I think."
She took the paper automatically, and when she looked at it there was only a word in red ink she needed to see. Rejected.
"But Taichou…"
"Look, Matsumoto," he said patiently, going to sit in the couch and motioning for her to join him. "I know this is hard for you, it's hard for all of us." He took a deep breath, "what they did to us, to the whole Soul Society is something we are not going to forget, much less forgive. We have to fight."
She didn't know what to say, she knew he was right, the fight was unavoidable, and they needed to be there. She needed to be there.
"Matsumoto--"
But she couldn't. Would she be able to fight Gin? Or would she fail and be just a burden to them?
"Matsumoto--"
She was confused, she couldn't make up her mind. The same as she couldn't decide if she loved or hated Gin. The same as she couldn't decide if what she felt for her Taichou was admiration, trust, friendship--or something else entirely.
"Rangiku!" the use of her first name took her back to the present. Hitsugaya was looking intently at her. He took her hand into his, and when had his hands become big enough to hold hers? "I know what you feel for Gin, I also know that you choose to stay, you could have gone, but you stayed. You can't help your feelings for him, or for anyone else."
"Taichou?" He knew? How could he if not even she knew?
"I need you for this fight, everything else can wait."
She could hear his unspoken question. Can you do it? Can you fight with me against him?
And she knew, she knew that she would go to Earth. Because her Taichou was asking her to go. And everything else could wait.
"Yes, Hitsugaya-taichou." Everything else would wait.
"Good." He squeezed her hand for a second and let go. She missed the warmth immediately. "We'll fight, and we'll win. And after that we'll have time to deal with feelings and regrets."
She nodded, unable to say anything. And then everything hit her at once: her pain, her confusion, her fear of being left behind again, alone again. And she could fell the tears running down her cheeks and she tried to stop them, to hide them from him.
Hitsugaya sighed, looking more sad than annoyed, taking her hand again and pulling until she was lying on the couch, her head on his lap. She couldn't stop crying now, so many years of being strong and cheerful no matter what finally catching up to her. And she was glad it was him holding her, comforting her. And for the first time since everything happened, she was glad she took de decision to stay.
"You'll get over him," she heard him saying as his hand combed through her long locks, barely a whisper. "And I'll get over her. As for us, time will tell, we have an eternity to find out."
…
~Fin~
Umm, right... the fic
Two minutes without you, an eternity by your side
Fandom: Bleach
Author: aviss
Characters: Matsumoto, Hitsugaya, Ichimaru
Genre: Gen, angst. Hints of Hitsugaya/Matsumoto, not so subtle hints of Ichimaru/Matsumoto
Rating: PG-13
Words: aprox 5.300
Summary: I see they're giving you hell, Rangiku.We'll give them hell instead, you'll see.
Notes: Unbetaed, so be free to pick it apart. Concrit is always welcome.
Two minutes without you, an eternity by your side
The rumours this time had been the most vicious and cruel so far. It made things even worse to know there was a hint of truth in them. Not a lot of truth, just a hint of things she wasn't going to admit even to herself.
They said: Matsumoto Rangiku is pretty, and has a curvy and beautiful body she's not ashamed to show around. What other reason does the old man need to make her his vice-Taichou?
They said: It's not that, it's Ichimaru-taichou, they are good friends, really good friends if you get my meaning. He was the one who put her name forth for the promotion.
They said: Well, I would promote her to Taichou or even Soutaichou if that got her into my bed. And then follow it with raucous laugher.
Those were the rumours she could almost stand, the conversations between males when they were unaware she could hear them. They were hurtful, but lacked the malice of the other ones.
Soul Society had always been ruled by men; even if women could advance and achive the range of Taichou in some of the divisions of the Gotei 13, it was acknowledged it was only in special cases. There was Division 2, ruled by the Shihouin clan since the beginning of Soul Society, and its current Taichou, Yoruichi. She wasn't a conventional one, but then Division 2 wasn't a conventional division. And besides, she was nobility. Then, there was Division 4, and Retsu Unohana. But then again, Division 4 were healers, and they saw no problem with a woman being the strongest healer in the Gotei 13.
So far the rest of the Taichous were male, and except one, the rest of their fukutaichous as well. And no one was going to question Shunsui on his choice of second.
Her appointment as 10th Division fukutaichou was the most recent piece of gossip, and even if she new it would be forgotten soon, it hurt her. Not the men's jokes or their blatant leering. It was the women's jealousy and spite that made her cringe and feel almost ashamed of getting the position.
They said: The only things she have are her boobs and her looks. And I heard she's really wild in combat.
They said: Being Ichimaru Gin's drinking buddy, and more, had to pay off for something. Why else would she go near that creep?
They said: Futaba-taichou was really eager to have a second like her on his division. I heard him saying she would be perfect working under him.
She tried not to pay attention to them but they were becoming nastier with each passing day, until she had to drown in sake just to be able to sleep.
The worst part was that some of them were almost right. Almost. Futaba-taichou was a lecherous man that spent Matsumoto's first week as his second ogling her boobs and making lewd comments about her. But she didn't ask for it, and she didn't want his attention. It was also true it had been Gin who recommended her for the promotion; but they weren't more than friends, even if she would have wanted to.
Matsumoto was close to losing it: the cold stares from the women, the leers from the men, his Taichou's harassing and Gin's coldness--everything; it was too much.
"I see they're giving you hell, Rangiku," Gin commented almost gently when he found her drunk one night. Matsumoto could only nod and reach for the jar of sake he had by his side. Gin took it out of her reach and carefully picked her up and carried her to the futon. "We'll give them hell instead, you'll see. Just smile and become stronger, and when you achieve Ban-kai, you'll shut them up becoming the next jubantai-taichou."
She was almost unconscious by that time so she couldn't remember if that was true, but she could swear she felt a kiss on her lips, so light as to be just her imagination.
She started training the next morning. Achieving Ban-kai, showing everyone around she was more than a pneumatic bimbo and becoming the next Taichou of 10th Division were the only things on her mind. That, and maybe, just maybe, get Gin to kiss her one more time.
…
Time had a strange quality in Soul Society: the last fifteen years had gone by without Matsumoto's noticing, even if each day dragged along at a slow, maddening pace.
She wasn't closer to achieving Ban-kai than before, her duties as fukutaichou keeping her occupied most of time. Now that Futaba-taichou had finally realized she wasn't going to jump into bed with him he loaded her with work as a punishment. Matsumoto didn't mind, though, she was learning the ropes of the 10th Division, even if that didn't let her enough time to train.
The rumours stopped long ago. Urahara Kisuke's disappearance followed by Shihouin Yorouchi's immediately afterward spread like wildfire through the rumour mill, and Matsumoto's dubious appointment was forgotten for that juicer piece of gossip. But she didn't forget, and neither did Gin. They still had a drink together from time to time, and they still trained together when they had the time to spare. It looked to her as if Gin had something in mind for her, as if he was training her for something. But they still got to spend time together, so Matsumoto never questioned his interest in making her the next Taichou. She would ask someday, when she had Ban-kai and was the leader of her Division. She had time.
Or so she thought.
The news of her Taichou's demise caught her by surprise. It wasn't time yet, she wasn't strong enough. After all she had to endure for the past fifteen years, and as much as she hated Futaba-taichou, she wasn't ready for him to die.
He had been killed by a Hollow during a mission, and Yamamoto-soutaichou had called the rest of the Taichous the next day to appoint a new one for 10th Division.
Matsumoto has been called too, but she didn't enter the room until the big door opened to let the Taichous out. Gin's look was more than enough to tell her it wasn't good.
She steeled herself and entered the room. Yamamoto-soutaichou wasn't alone. By his side a grumpy looking kid was scowling. He was wearing the white haori that marked him as a Taichou.
Matsumoto realized with some dismay that he was going to be her new superior, and also that she knew who he was. She had heard the rumours as well: the boy-genius, the one who achieved Ban-kai before even hitting puberty, the kid with the cold glare and even colder zanpaktou. Hitsugaya Toushirou.
It was clear now she would never be the head of the 10th Division.
…
Matsumoto realized several things in her first month working under Hitsugaya-taichou, and some of them she would even admit out loud.
The first one was that he was a damn fine Taichou. It had taken him less than a week to take control over the 10th Division, and even if he assigned tasks to every one equally he took most of the workload for himself. Matsumoto barely knew what to do with all her spare time now. And he was efficient; the Division had never run so smoothly, she had to admit. Even when she had been the one almost running things, her authority was always undermined by his Taichou's grudge against her and some of her colleagues' jealousy.
There was also the fact that he never underestimated her, or thought less of her abilities because of her appearance. It was a strange feeling; he looked at her, most of the time his eyes level with her breasts, and she never felt intimidated or uncomfortable. It must have been because he was so short he could never look higher than her breasts. But he actually took into account her opinions and some of her advice, and that made it hard for her to hate him.
And she had been ready to hate him. Since the moment she saw him and realized she had been overlooked again, she had been ready to despise that boy genius who had taken the position she had been working so hard for. But she couldn't because she could see--even if she wouldn't admit it--that he was doing a good job.
Better than she could have.
And there was the fact that his appointment wasn't accepted easily in the Division. Most of the members didn't want to work under a Taichou who looked young enough to be still in Rukongai awaiting his summons to the academy.
On his first week, Hitsugaya had taken things into his hands and called the whole Division outside. Then he proceeded to unleash Hyourinmaru.
"If any of you have any problem accepting orders from me, you can complain to Hyourinmaru." He glared at the entire company while Matsumoto had to stifle a giggle. Nobody spoke up.
There weren't any problems after that within the Division, but she knew outside the 10th he still had to bear the taunts about his youth and height. She could feel sympathy for him; she understood perfectly what he was going through.
Matsumoto also knew there was some strange tension between him and Gin, but she didn't know the cause. Her old friend was always cold--colder--around her new Taichou. And Hitsugaya tended to look at Gin suspiciously. But then Hitsugaya seemed to be suspicious of everyone except his friend Hinamori Momo and her Taichou, the gentle Aizen-taichou of Division 5.
She asked Gin one night, while they were already drunk, the reason he didn't like Hitsugaya-taichou.
"He's too cold, Ran-chan," he said, addressing her in the way he used to before he was made a Taichou, sure signal that he was drunk. "And I don't want that cold kid too close to you; he won't let you come with me--to have a drink so often." She also knew it was a lie but her heart skipped a beat nonetheless, and for a moment she hoped that Gin's dislike of her new Taichou was due to jealousy. "And besides, it's a drawback; I wanted you in that position."
The last was delivered so low she barely heard it, and she was so far gone it didn't really register in her mind until much, much later.
"Matsumoto!" Hitsugaya's voice took her out of her musings, and she snapped back to the present startled. Her Taichou was at the door, his zanpaktou on his back, scowling at her. "Did you hear a word I said?"
"No, I'm sorry, Hitsugaya-taichou, my mind was wandering." She replied, blushing.
"I said that since we are going to be fighting together from now on and we finally managed to get the Division paperwork up to date and have some time to spare now, we should go see how our fighting styles combine." His voice was gruff, but he looked eager. For a month they had been doing nothing else but paperwork, he must have been itching to go out.
"Yes, Hitsugaya-taichou." She replied immediately, squaring her shoulders and putting her hand on Haineko.
That was also new, she though, and another reason for her not to hate him. Futaba-bastard-taichou had never let her fight alongside with him, saying that he wouldn't risk his fukutaichou to be injured and spoiling her good looks, her best assets.
Matsumoto followed her Taichou, her mind still going through the reasons why she was unable to hate the kid who had taken the Division from her.
So: he was a good Taichou, he didn't underestimate her because she was pretty, he actually listened to her, he was strong enough to bear the taunts of the rest of the shinigamis and meet their eyes with his icy stare, and he was willing to fight with her, to trust her to cover his back. And it doesn't hurt the fact that he is cute.
Startled by this last thought, she almost didn't realize Hitsugaya had stopped and was facing her. Matsumoto pushed all other thoughts aside and drew Haineko when she saw him getting ready to fight.
Her confusion could wait now she had to prove to her Taichou that she was worthy of his trust.
…
As time tended to do in Seiretei, the years flew by but the Gotei 13 remained the same. Or almost.
In Matsumoto's eyes had been few things worth remembering in the past decades. She was still Hitsugaya's second, Gin was still a cold bastard who liked to play with her, and the male shinigami still liked to look at her and tease her Taichou about his height. It wasn't even that bad now; at least he could look her in the eye, if he tilted his head back enough.
She could still remember those years with her previous Taichou, and how much work she had to do just to keep out of his reach. It was an improvement, really, the fact that Hitsugaya seemed to have eyes only for Hinamori-fukutaicho.
"Here you are, Matsumoto-san," Kira greeted her when she paid a visit to the 3rd Division Taisha. "Ichimaru-taichou is out now, but he will be back soon. Would you like to wait for him?"
Matsumoto looked around, and saw the big pile of papers on the fukutaicho's desk, remembering she had left again without finishing all her work. She smiled; Hitsugaya would come screaming after her the minute he realized what she had done. He still didn't seem to like Gin, but then few others did; even Aizen-taichou looked at Gin suspiciously.
"Why not, Kira? I don't really have anything better to do," she replied smiling. Kira was a usual companion on her drunken nights with Gin, and she felt comfortable with him and that other friend of his, Abarai. "Do you keep any sake here?"
"No, Matsumoto-san, I'm not Shunsui." He said with a sly smile, and she couldn't help but smile back.
"Then I think I will come back later, when you've had time to get some." she turned to leave and froze when she heard her Taichou's voice calling for her. Loudly.
"MATSUMOTO!"
"Umm, I guess I have to leave now," she wasn't afraid at all of Hitsugaya; she knew that no matter how angry he was she tried to avoid doing her paperwork, he still trusted her as his second. A big change indeed. "Tell Gin he owes me a drink for tonight." And she rushed out, smiling.
Yes, nothing had changed in decades, but then, maybe not everything stayed the same.
…
Matsumoto knew her feelings were changing the first time she saw Hinamori Momo teasing Hitsugaya and felt like scolding her for not addressing him properly. It was stupid, really. They had been friends for almost as long as she had been friends with Gin, and if Hitsugaya respected her enough not to interfere with her private life even if he disliked Gin, she had to be mature enough not to intrude in a private moment between her Taichou and his oldest friend.
It still irked her, though.
That night she went to the 3rd Division Taisha with a jar of sake and got drunk with Kira and Gin. She still couldn't take her mind out of it. It was the first time she could remember thinking about someone else while being with Gin. It was also the first time her stomach didn't do a somersault when Gin leaned close to her for some reason or another.
Must be getting over him, was her first thought; and it was even possible, because you can only love someone like Gin for so many centuries before giving up. Sometimes she had envied humans: even the luckiest or unluckiest of them had only a short period of time to love someone. Short compared to Shinigami. It was unfair that she had loved the same man for so many years and he was still playing with her.
So she ignored Gin's flirting, and kept thinking about healing wounds and the possibility of actually getting over Gin only to fall for someone even more dangerous.
When Kira passed out and it was just Gin and her conscious in the room, Gin reclaimed her full attention putting his hand gently on her cheek. "You seem to be far away, Rangiku," he said in a teasing voice. "Am I boring you?"
She was about to deny it when he stood up and offered his hand to her.
"Its time to call it a day, anyway." Gin helped her up and led her to the door. "I have mountains of work to do tomorrow, and I'm sure your Taichou will try to overwork you as usual."
Matsumoto has to stifle a yawn and realized that he was right; it was late, and she had to work the next day. Somehow, the idea of working with her Taichou in the morning seemed more attractive than staying up with Gin half the night. That couldn't be right.
She gathered her courage and gently pressed her lips to Gin's, just for a second. Her stomach didn't do a somersault, but her heart threatened to jump out of her chest and all was right in the world again.
She missed Gin's smile when she left, but that was also for the better.
…
All wasn't right in the world. Not in Matsumoto's, and not in Seiretei in general. She knew that the world was bigger than that, but she didn't care about the rest.
She had hardly anytime to deal with her own feelings when the world had come crashing down on them. Aizen-taichou was dead, Hinamori was half-crazed with pain, and Hitsugaya was looking at Gin with such unrestrained anger and hatred she was feeling more and more frightened every moment.
Something really bad was about to happen.
And she wasn't taking into account the bad things already happening around them.
Ryoka on the loose in Seiretei, a dubiously approved execution, and a respected and well loved Taichou assassinated. Then, why the only thing in her mind was the fight she could see coming between the two most important men in her life?
She knew she still loved Gin, to some degree, though her own feelings were changing.
She also knew she respected and admired Hitsugaya, and that he was the one she was loyal to. Her feelings were also changing in that front, though she wouldn't have admitted it ever. It was a complication, it was improper, and he was still a child. A hundred years old child, but a child nonetheless.
It was late, she was tired, and the couch looked so damn tempting while Hitsugaya worked on the 5th Division paperwork that Matsumoto couldn't help but rest for a while thinking about the mess everything was now, and doze off.
When she woke up most of the work was done, and her Taichou looked terribly tired. Both of them deserved a good night of sleep.
A night they weren't going to get, judging by his look when they received the news of Hinamori's disappearance from her cell.
"Go home and rest, I'll look for Hinamori." Hitsugaya ordered, but she didn't want to do that. She had a really bad feeling about it.
Matsumoto tried to obey, too many years together taught her when she could overlook her Taichou's order, and when he was being serious. More than usual.
She was halfway to her room when she felt it. Hyorinmaru. And a terrible certainty gripped her. It's wasn't Hinamori the one he found; it was Gin.
She followed Hitsugaya's reiatsu, as familiar to her as her own, and froze when she saw the scene in front of her.
The fight was fierce, and Hitsugaya emanated an aura of hatred and power like she had never seen before. And she had fought countless battles by his side. And Gin--Gin looked calm, but she could read him like nobody else, and she could see he was excited, amused.
As if the fight was noting but a game to him.
Then it was the end, Gin was trapped--no, it wasn't Gin the one who was trapped. She knew he had something up his sleeve, and Matsumoto made up her mind in that instant. She tried to warn her Taichou, but it was too late. Shinshou was already attacking, and luckily Hitsugaya was fast enough to dodge it--and there it was, Gin's triumph card. Hinamori. Straight in the middle of Shinshou's path, unconscious and defenceless.
Matsumoto had only one second to react.
She could betray the man she had loved almost all her life, her first friend. Or she could betray her Taichou, the boy who won her respect and trust and admiration in the past years together.
She was there, blocking Gin's attack, asking him to withdraw or she would be forced to fight him. And his look said everything she didn't understand before. I knew I would lose you to this cold kid.
She closed her eyes when he turned his back to her, and the pain ripping her apart made her wonder how she had ever thought she didn't love him anymore.
She couldn't look her Taichou in the eye on their way back, feeling as if she had betrayed him somehow just by loving Gin so much.
…
Even though she was hearing it with her own ears, Matsumoto couldn't believe Isane's words. No, it wasn't possible. Her Taichou couldn't have lost. Gin couldn't be a traitor.
But in her heart she knew it was true, and she didn't know if she should rush to Hitsugaya's side or if she should hurry and try to stop the traitors. There was only one option, really. Hitsugaya was beyond her help, and she knew she had to try to stop Gin. For her Taichou. For herself.
The place was chaos when she arrived. Ryokas everywhere, one of them half dead on the ground, Kuchiki-taichou heavily wounded, Abarai Renji looked dead, and Kuchiki Rukia looked terrified and torn between so many people needing help. And there, in the middle was Aizen, the gentle Taichou everyone admired, the traitor who had lied to everyone. And Soi-Fong and--was that Shihouin Yoruichi with her?
Matsumoto saw him then, standing behind Aizen and ready to act. She didn't even need to think this time; she was grabbing his wrist and pressing Haineko against his neck.
Gin looked at her, and for a second she could see a resigned expression on his face, before the smiling mask was back again. She was hurt, and angry, and sad, and wanted to kill him, to kiss him, to tell him to go with her to some place just for the two of them, like at the beginning. And everything was happening so fast she didn't know if it was real or just another nightmare.
It had to be a nightmare.
There were words, but she didn't hear them. There were shouts, and accusations and tears, but she paid no mind to them. She could only see Gin's face in front of her and Hitsugaya's face in her mind.
Suddenly it was over, the light was coming from the sky and she had a second to react or be trapped. Let go of Gin forever, or be trapped with him for eternity.
"Forgive me." He said. Come with me, she heard in his apology. like you were supposed to, come with me.
Closing her eyes she jumped back, trying not to see his expression of pain. But she saw, for an instant before he smiled again. And she knew, with uncanny certainty, that he had loved her. In his own twisted way, but loved her.
But she couldn't go, because she was Matsumoto Rangiku, and she was loyal. Even if that meant betraying her heart.
…
This time the rumours weren't as bad, or it could be she was already immune to them. Most of the time her name wasn't even mentioned; but every time she heard Gin's name, she shivered.
Kira was having a worse time out of it she did. He had played an active role in the whole thing; even if he hadn't been more than a puppet, he had respected and admired his Taichou and trusted him till the end. And his two best friends had almost died because of that. Both of them had guilt and nightmares to deal with every day, so it was natural they tried to get over them together. With as many jars of sake as it was necessary.
Matsumoto had also taken a decision. It had been an easy one after all that happened but it only added to the guilt she was already dealing with.
She couldn't go back.
The transfer request was already on her Taichou's desk waiting for him to recover enough to sign it.
She didn't even want to go back to say goodbye. She couldn't bear to look at Hitsugaya's face; not after everything Gin had done to them.
"And the worst thing," Kira was babbling, drunk to the point of almost being unconscious. The lucky guy had no head for sake. "was his smile. I wun--wor--wondered sometimes why he smiled like that all the time."
"And his eyes," Matsumoto joined the Gin-bashing; it had turned into a pastime for them in their drunken nights. "they were strange eyes, you couldn't see them under that fringe of his, and even if you could they were strange."
They weren't making much sense, but it made them feel better to be able to share their pain about Gin's betrayal.
"Yeah, they were funny eyes." Kira said, before dropping his head on his chest.
"And I think," she continued, unaware there wasn't anyone to listen to her anymore. "I like clear eyes better. I like to see beautiful, green eyes. And I can't go back because of that bastard-strange-eyed-Gin. Because he left me here, and he also robbed me of the chance of being with my Taichou. Because, because--" she looked around and saw that Kira was out of it, and she was glad he wasn't going to hear her next confession. She lowered her voice anyway. "--because, he knows how much I loved Gin, and he also knows I still do--but he doesn’t know that I--that I also--" she couldn't say it, not even to an empty room. If she said it, it would be real. And she didn't want it to be real.
She closed her eyes and lied down thinking about the last part of her confession. Do I really love him too or it's just me wanting to get over this as soon as possible? Do I?
She didn't get the answer in the morning. The only things waiting for her when she woke up were a hangover and a dirty house.
…
"Matsumoto-fukutaicho, Hitsugaya-taichou is waiting for you in his office."
The entire week she had been dreading listening to those words. Since the moment Hitsugaya returned to work, looking tired and older than anyone with that body ought to, she had been avoiding him. She still didn't have an answer to her own question, and she preferred it that way. Being confused was better than dealing with the possibility of having the only part of her heart still intact shattered to pieces.
She dragged her feet all the way to the office, oblivious to the concerned stares the rest of the Division were sending her way. It had been a long time since anyone had been jealous of her, and her colleagues were worried that the usually cheerful Matsumoto looked almost as gloomy as their Taichou.
Hitsugaya was on his desk, as usual, a pile of papers covering the whole surface. On top of them, just in front of him, she could see her transfer request. She steeled herself. It was time for explanations and goodbye, then.
"Hitsugaya-taichou," she said making her presence known to him though she was sure he had felt her approaching, "you called for me."
"Matsumoto, I've signed us to go to Earth on the reinforcement mission." He said, not looking at her. Whatever she was expecting, it wasn't that.
"What?" she asked dumbly.
Hitsugaya looked at her then, she could see concern in his eyes under his usual annoyed expression. "They're sending a party to help that Ryoka boy, Kurosaki. They believe Aizen will make his next move there."
"But--"
"We have to be there, Matsumoto." He stood up and picked her transfer request without looking at it. "This is yours I think."
She took the paper automatically, and when she looked at it there was only a word in red ink she needed to see. Rejected.
"But Taichou…"
"Look, Matsumoto," he said patiently, going to sit in the couch and motioning for her to join him. "I know this is hard for you, it's hard for all of us." He took a deep breath, "what they did to us, to the whole Soul Society is something we are not going to forget, much less forgive. We have to fight."
She didn't know what to say, she knew he was right, the fight was unavoidable, and they needed to be there. She needed to be there.
"Matsumoto--"
But she couldn't. Would she be able to fight Gin? Or would she fail and be just a burden to them?
"Matsumoto--"
She was confused, she couldn't make up her mind. The same as she couldn't decide if she loved or hated Gin. The same as she couldn't decide if what she felt for her Taichou was admiration, trust, friendship--or something else entirely.
"Rangiku!" the use of her first name took her back to the present. Hitsugaya was looking intently at her. He took her hand into his, and when had his hands become big enough to hold hers? "I know what you feel for Gin, I also know that you choose to stay, you could have gone, but you stayed. You can't help your feelings for him, or for anyone else."
"Taichou?" He knew? How could he if not even she knew?
"I need you for this fight, everything else can wait."
She could hear his unspoken question. Can you do it? Can you fight with me against him?
And she knew, she knew that she would go to Earth. Because her Taichou was asking her to go. And everything else could wait.
"Yes, Hitsugaya-taichou." Everything else would wait.
"Good." He squeezed her hand for a second and let go. She missed the warmth immediately. "We'll fight, and we'll win. And after that we'll have time to deal with feelings and regrets."
She nodded, unable to say anything. And then everything hit her at once: her pain, her confusion, her fear of being left behind again, alone again. And she could fell the tears running down her cheeks and she tried to stop them, to hide them from him.
Hitsugaya sighed, looking more sad than annoyed, taking her hand again and pulling until she was lying on the couch, her head on his lap. She couldn't stop crying now, so many years of being strong and cheerful no matter what finally catching up to her. And she was glad it was him holding her, comforting her. And for the first time since everything happened, she was glad she took de decision to stay.
"You'll get over him," she heard him saying as his hand combed through her long locks, barely a whisper. "And I'll get over her. As for us, time will tell, we have an eternity to find out."
…
~Fin~