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[avarmaciciel]

so i talked to Skotti again last night, and it seems that he's wanting to pick back up where he dropped me off. i want him to make up his mind about us first. i'm tired of the up and down back and forth he's been giving me. i care about him, i'd like to have a relationship with him, but i want to take it slow. and i told him all of this. i told him

Comments

[mellyjc]

So you want to take it slow, and yet you want a commitment before going anywhere with Skotti?

I understand the need to protect yourself and the girls from being hurt...but those can't really go together. Commitment circumvents the 'going slow' and puts pressure on "we're going to end up HERE. (and if we don't, I'm going to be upset with you)" which is a good way to scare him off, because if he really cares, he doesn't want to hurt you.

If possible, I'd strongly suggest stepping out of withholding the girls as a form of punishment. Yes it probably hurts Phil, but it's likely also hurting the girls, too. Maybe he's an asshole, he's still their father, they probably still care about and want to spend time with him..and they deserve that.

[avarmaciciel]

you're right. sometimes my thought process only makes sense to me...most days it's all scrambled. thankfully i have good friends like you to help me see sense of things! Skotti and i ARE taking it slow, we are becoming good friends, and that's wonderful...and again, like you said earlier to me, i don't need to be locking down with another man so soon.

this upcoming weekend is his weekend, and i was THINKING about letting him have the girls for the weekend, but i don't know if he'll be honest and bring them back. i really need a phone number i can reach him and the girls with all weekend aside from his parents' house...and i need to know that the girls have food, clothing, etc over at their father's house before he can take them.

[mellyjc]

Believe me, I've been fighting the "only with security.." desire for commitment in relationship for three years..heh. Divorce sucks.

Is there a legal custody arrangement? Seems odd that you can even choose without him being able to call the cops over it. Out here I think they do an 'emergency screening' pretty early on and set a temporary schedule that has to be followed. Getting the kids set up with routine is helpful since there's so much chaos in the transition to begin with.

Those sound like reasonable requests though. Prepaid phones are CHEAP. Clothes I can imagine perhaps being sent back and forth some or at least some taken from home, but food..yea important. Do you have reason to believe he wouldn't provide for them? I know it's hard to trust him but I would really like to think he wouldn't neglect his own hungry kids (when he's the only provider and doesn't have you to take for granted, at least)

[avarmaciciel]

given the fact that when he and i lived in the same house, he neglected Xylia. did not feed her because he wasn't hungry so therefore she wasn't, didn't change her diapers (i put X on a number of them in certain spots to check this, same diaper 5 hours later...), got mad at her when she got his attention during his computer time, didn't talk to her while i was at work, didn't work with her at all because she was a inconvenience. nine times out of ten when someone called the house (i have had friends tell me this) she was in the garbage playing in it