Interviews
So this is my first Parks and Rec fic. Which you're not supposed to say, but this is an LJ post, not my summary. My summary is below.
Title: Interviews
Chapter 1: Donna Meagle
Summary: In the season seven episode "Leslie and Ron," we learn a bit about Leslie's first interview. What were interviews with Ron F*cking Swanson really like?
Rating: PG-13.
Disclaimer: Not my Department. Not my mini horses. To paraphrase (and render out of context) something that also isn't mine...
Also, I tried to stick as closely to the timeline and canon as possible. Please forgive any errors.
What had brought Donna Meagle back to Pawnee was her great aunt's funeral; what had kept her there was the Benz she'd inherited. For the first time in her life, Pawnee seemed glamorous. Because she was making it glamorous.
Which brought her to the Parks Department in City Hall for a job interview.
Donna walked into the Department and looked around; the receptionist (or was she an intern?) was talking on the phone, and it didn't sound like it had anything to do with work. A middle-aged man looked up at her and smiled.
"Can I help you?" He asked, standing up and making to shake her hand. He immediately knocked. coffee on his desk and muttered, "oh geeze."
Donna had to muffle a laugh; feeling a bit guilty about that, she grabbed some tissues and helped the man. "One of those days, huh?"
"Apparently."
"If it makes you feel better, I ran through two red lights in my 'benz," Donna said. "That's how tired I was, because you'd better believe I like to be careful with it."
"You have a Mercedes Benz?"
"Yeah. I'm Donna Meagle, by the way."
"Jerry Gergich."
The door to the side office opened; in front of it was a man with auburn hair and a thick moustache.
"You must be Diane Meebles," he said.
"Uh... Donna Meagle, you mean?"
"If you say so. Come in."
Donna looked at Jerry, who shrugged.
Inside was another woman, who had her bare feet on the man's desk.
"You're Ron Swanson, right?" Donna asked.
"I am. And this is my wife Tammy."
"Don't mind me!" Tammy giggled. "I'm just here to watch because they're fixing my car." She said "car" as though it was the most seductive word in the English language.
"Sit down," Ron said, and Donna sat. He looked over what she assumed was her application.
"You worked for a coat company for several years, I see," Ron said. "Why would you switch to-" Ron winced - "the government?"
"Ronnie hates the government," Tammy explained.
"It got boring," Donna blurted. She suddenly wished she hadn't said that. "And I always liked the parks in Pawnee." It had been just about the only thing she'd liked about Pawnee.
Tammy put her hand on Ron's. "Ron and I met at a park, right Ron?"
Ron let out a giggle that sounded uncharacteristic for him, and Donna didn't even know him yet. All she knew was that this Tammy lady seemed to have him under a spell, because the next thing she knew, Tammy was on his lap, and they were kissing passionately. Donna knew the polite thing - and, perhaps, the safest thing - would be to leave, but it was like watching a train wreck.
Then Tammy started to unbutton her shirt; Donna really wasn't interested in catching that much action, so she stood up and said, "I'll come back when you two are - done."
"Okay, no," Ron said, "the City Manager will force me to talk to him if I let you leave. Tammy, maybe you should wait outside while I finish my interview."
"What, are you going to threaten to divorce me again?"
"Considering he almost let you rip his moustache off with your teeth, I think you're safe," Donna said.
Damn it, she was on fire. And probably not going to get this job now.
"You know I have something planned for tonight," Ron told her quickly, while giving Donna a look that said... something. Donna wasn't sure what. Was it a warning glare? An apology? A cry for help?
"You'd better," Tammy snapped, standing up. "After all, you forgot my birthday."
"Your birthday's next week!" Ron exclaimed.
"Unbelievable! You know it was last week!'
"You were born on the Fourth of July!"
"You know I just made that up so you'd have sex with me under the fireworks!"
Donna couldn't take it anymore. "Okay, lady. You've gotta go."
Tammy spun around. "Excuse me?"
Her eyes locked with Donna, and she truly looked like a wild animal. But Donna was not remotely fazed.
"I said you've gotta go. I need a job, and while working for the government may be the last thing I want to do, I'm not going to lose the opportunity because you're a hot mess."
"Ron! Tell this bitch to shut up!"
"YOU shut up!" Ron yelled.
Tammy grabbed Ron's stapler, and threw it at him; Ron ducked just in time.
"You can count on sleeping in the car tonight!" Tammy screeched as stormed out, slamming the door hard.
Well, that... ended.
"I really need to find those divorce papers," Ron said. "Any questions?"
"A million," Donna admitted.
"Not about what just happened here."
"Okay, none then."
"Very well. I'll see you tomorrow morning."
"To...morrow morning? For a second interview?"
"No. You've got the job. I technically have to tell the City Manager to hire you, but I don't bother with red tape like that."
"Oh. Thanks. Can I ask why?"
"Number one, you stared down Tammy Swanson. Even I can't stare her down. Number two, you said something very important."
"What's that?"
"You don't really want to work for the government."
Title: Interviews
Chapter 1: Donna Meagle
Summary: In the season seven episode "Leslie and Ron," we learn a bit about Leslie's first interview. What were interviews with Ron F*cking Swanson really like?
Rating: PG-13.
Disclaimer: Not my Department. Not my mini horses. To paraphrase (and render out of context) something that also isn't mine...
Also, I tried to stick as closely to the timeline and canon as possible. Please forgive any errors.
What had brought Donna Meagle back to Pawnee was her great aunt's funeral; what had kept her there was the Benz she'd inherited. For the first time in her life, Pawnee seemed glamorous. Because she was making it glamorous.
Which brought her to the Parks Department in City Hall for a job interview.
Donna walked into the Department and looked around; the receptionist (or was she an intern?) was talking on the phone, and it didn't sound like it had anything to do with work. A middle-aged man looked up at her and smiled.
"Can I help you?" He asked, standing up and making to shake her hand. He immediately knocked. coffee on his desk and muttered, "oh geeze."
Donna had to muffle a laugh; feeling a bit guilty about that, she grabbed some tissues and helped the man. "One of those days, huh?"
"Apparently."
"If it makes you feel better, I ran through two red lights in my 'benz," Donna said. "That's how tired I was, because you'd better believe I like to be careful with it."
"You have a Mercedes Benz?"
"Yeah. I'm Donna Meagle, by the way."
"Jerry Gergich."
The door to the side office opened; in front of it was a man with auburn hair and a thick moustache.
"You must be Diane Meebles," he said.
"Uh... Donna Meagle, you mean?"
"If you say so. Come in."
Donna looked at Jerry, who shrugged.
Inside was another woman, who had her bare feet on the man's desk.
"You're Ron Swanson, right?" Donna asked.
"I am. And this is my wife Tammy."
"Don't mind me!" Tammy giggled. "I'm just here to watch because they're fixing my car." She said "car" as though it was the most seductive word in the English language.
"Sit down," Ron said, and Donna sat. He looked over what she assumed was her application.
"You worked for a coat company for several years, I see," Ron said. "Why would you switch to-" Ron winced - "the government?"
"Ronnie hates the government," Tammy explained.
"It got boring," Donna blurted. She suddenly wished she hadn't said that. "And I always liked the parks in Pawnee." It had been just about the only thing she'd liked about Pawnee.
Tammy put her hand on Ron's. "Ron and I met at a park, right Ron?"
Ron let out a giggle that sounded uncharacteristic for him, and Donna didn't even know him yet. All she knew was that this Tammy lady seemed to have him under a spell, because the next thing she knew, Tammy was on his lap, and they were kissing passionately. Donna knew the polite thing - and, perhaps, the safest thing - would be to leave, but it was like watching a train wreck.
Then Tammy started to unbutton her shirt; Donna really wasn't interested in catching that much action, so she stood up and said, "I'll come back when you two are - done."
"Okay, no," Ron said, "the City Manager will force me to talk to him if I let you leave. Tammy, maybe you should wait outside while I finish my interview."
"What, are you going to threaten to divorce me again?"
"Considering he almost let you rip his moustache off with your teeth, I think you're safe," Donna said.
Damn it, she was on fire. And probably not going to get this job now.
"You know I have something planned for tonight," Ron told her quickly, while giving Donna a look that said... something. Donna wasn't sure what. Was it a warning glare? An apology? A cry for help?
"You'd better," Tammy snapped, standing up. "After all, you forgot my birthday."
"Your birthday's next week!" Ron exclaimed.
"Unbelievable! You know it was last week!'
"You were born on the Fourth of July!"
"You know I just made that up so you'd have sex with me under the fireworks!"
Donna couldn't take it anymore. "Okay, lady. You've gotta go."
Tammy spun around. "Excuse me?"
Her eyes locked with Donna, and she truly looked like a wild animal. But Donna was not remotely fazed.
"I said you've gotta go. I need a job, and while working for the government may be the last thing I want to do, I'm not going to lose the opportunity because you're a hot mess."
"Ron! Tell this bitch to shut up!"
"YOU shut up!" Ron yelled.
Tammy grabbed Ron's stapler, and threw it at him; Ron ducked just in time.
"You can count on sleeping in the car tonight!" Tammy screeched as stormed out, slamming the door hard.
Well, that... ended.
"I really need to find those divorce papers," Ron said. "Any questions?"
"A million," Donna admitted.
"Not about what just happened here."
"Okay, none then."
"Very well. I'll see you tomorrow morning."
"To...morrow morning? For a second interview?"
"No. You've got the job. I technically have to tell the City Manager to hire you, but I don't bother with red tape like that."
"Oh. Thanks. Can I ask why?"
"Number one, you stared down Tammy Swanson. Even I can't stare her down. Number two, you said something very important."
"What's that?"
"You don't really want to work for the government."