NaNoBloPo: Bullying - What is it really?
This isn't part of the original meme, but it is a proper blog.
So, let's talk about bullying. It's hard to ignore it, because everyone's talking about it these days; what it means, how to prevent it, will implementing experiments where kids have to shun one another help, etc.
Here's my question - what exactly constitutes bullying? In my opinion, the term can not only be overrused, but in fact, underused.
Recently there was a story about a group of girls who essentially bullied a kid to death, even asking why she hadn't killed herself yet. When she finally did, they expressed no remorse and one of the girls even joked about it. This has happened before; apparently two bullies once attended the funeral of a girl who had killed herself, and made fun of her while she was in her coffin. In another community, a school had multiple suicides - the first two or three apparently not teaching anyone a thing.
But in that case, is it really simply bullying? I knew mean girls, but I can almost guarantee that if one of the people they were mean to killed themselves, they wouldn't have joked about it. They wouldn't have attended the funeral to mock. Because while I think they were pretty nasty people, I've seen one of them since and nothing's changed, so I imagine she's a lost cause, there's a certain ruthlessness that goes beyond being nasty. Instead of looking at how technology ate their brains, why aren't we looking at where the kids come from? One family defended and attempted to cover up their child's actions, making me wonder what other things they'd defended and covered up. (I believe it came to light that there was a criminal record or two there.) Was the problem really that the girl was a bully, or was her family fond of making trouble? I think there's a line between bullying and criminal behavior. Now, apparently people on this girls' friends list liked her nasty comments, but on the other hand, people tend to like without thinking. (Which is a different issue.) People also tend to follow sick people without realizing what they're doing. Which is another problem.
On the other hand, I think we need to be careful about what bullying truly is. I didn't have many friends in school, but honestly? I don't think that was necessarily bullying. I think there were kids who went out of their way to make me feel unwelcome, but for the most part, I wasn't like them and they weren't like me. I did have people who actually bullied me, both verbally and emotionally (never physically, I was lucky), but it was intentional, calculated cruelty, not the act of not having anything in common with me.
Even with cyberbullying, it's tricky, because theoretically a lot of things I've seen online could count. On the other hand, is a heated debate really bullying? They happen, and people online don't know or care how old you are or where you're from, even if in some cases they perhaps should. Yes, often online flame wars are stupid and pointless, but I think they're mostly bullying if the intent is definitely to agitate a specific person. If someone is just overly defensive, I'm not sure it's bullying. It's just being an overzealous douchebag. On the other hand, I have had people bully me, and that really is the only word for it. They wanted to ostracize me because I expressed opinions they didn't agree with, and went out of their way to let me know.
I am not saying that bullying isn't a problem; it is. But in order to really help kids deal with it, we need to understand what it means and what's involved, and we also need to refrain from overreacting or looking at the wrong issue.
On a slightly different note, I've seen in the news that kids are starting to go back to using anonymous sites. While I realize this makes it harder for Mom and Dad to track their kids, it's actually my hope that it means they're learning what my generation already knew - you don't want just anyone to be able to find you. I'll grant you, kids in my generation tended to be online because we were nerds and going to Harry Potter fansites and Star Trek forums, so the reasons were a bit different, but nevertheless, limiting your online identity to those you choose can only help, imho, unless they're using it to anonymously bully. But even then, while you can't change your real name, you can always change your online name. I'd like for some of you who know a little more about the alternatives weigh in on this.
All thoughts are welcome!
So, let's talk about bullying. It's hard to ignore it, because everyone's talking about it these days; what it means, how to prevent it, will implementing experiments where kids have to shun one another help, etc.
Here's my question - what exactly constitutes bullying? In my opinion, the term can not only be overrused, but in fact, underused.
Recently there was a story about a group of girls who essentially bullied a kid to death, even asking why she hadn't killed herself yet. When she finally did, they expressed no remorse and one of the girls even joked about it. This has happened before; apparently two bullies once attended the funeral of a girl who had killed herself, and made fun of her while she was in her coffin. In another community, a school had multiple suicides - the first two or three apparently not teaching anyone a thing.
But in that case, is it really simply bullying? I knew mean girls, but I can almost guarantee that if one of the people they were mean to killed themselves, they wouldn't have joked about it. They wouldn't have attended the funeral to mock. Because while I think they were pretty nasty people, I've seen one of them since and nothing's changed, so I imagine she's a lost cause, there's a certain ruthlessness that goes beyond being nasty. Instead of looking at how technology ate their brains, why aren't we looking at where the kids come from? One family defended and attempted to cover up their child's actions, making me wonder what other things they'd defended and covered up. (I believe it came to light that there was a criminal record or two there.) Was the problem really that the girl was a bully, or was her family fond of making trouble? I think there's a line between bullying and criminal behavior. Now, apparently people on this girls' friends list liked her nasty comments, but on the other hand, people tend to like without thinking. (Which is a different issue.) People also tend to follow sick people without realizing what they're doing. Which is another problem.
On the other hand, I think we need to be careful about what bullying truly is. I didn't have many friends in school, but honestly? I don't think that was necessarily bullying. I think there were kids who went out of their way to make me feel unwelcome, but for the most part, I wasn't like them and they weren't like me. I did have people who actually bullied me, both verbally and emotionally (never physically, I was lucky), but it was intentional, calculated cruelty, not the act of not having anything in common with me.
Even with cyberbullying, it's tricky, because theoretically a lot of things I've seen online could count. On the other hand, is a heated debate really bullying? They happen, and people online don't know or care how old you are or where you're from, even if in some cases they perhaps should. Yes, often online flame wars are stupid and pointless, but I think they're mostly bullying if the intent is definitely to agitate a specific person. If someone is just overly defensive, I'm not sure it's bullying. It's just being an overzealous douchebag. On the other hand, I have had people bully me, and that really is the only word for it. They wanted to ostracize me because I expressed opinions they didn't agree with, and went out of their way to let me know.
I am not saying that bullying isn't a problem; it is. But in order to really help kids deal with it, we need to understand what it means and what's involved, and we also need to refrain from overreacting or looking at the wrong issue.
On a slightly different note, I've seen in the news that kids are starting to go back to using anonymous sites. While I realize this makes it harder for Mom and Dad to track their kids, it's actually my hope that it means they're learning what my generation already knew - you don't want just anyone to be able to find you. I'll grant you, kids in my generation tended to be online because we were nerds and going to Harry Potter fansites and Star Trek forums, so the reasons were a bit different, but nevertheless, limiting your online identity to those you choose can only help, imho, unless they're using it to anonymously bully. But even then, while you can't change your real name, you can always change your online name. I'd like for some of you who know a little more about the alternatives weigh in on this.
All thoughts are welcome!