[Fic] J2_everafter: When you kissed my lips with my mouth so full of questions (Jared/Jensen) [1/1]
Title: When you kissed my lips with my mouth so full of questions
Author: auroraprimavera
Rating: NC-17
Pairing(s): Jared/Jensen, past Jared/Sandy & Jared/OMC (only mentioned)
Summary: All Jensen wants is to have his forever with Jared.
Word Count: ~7,300
Warning(s): Little bit of angst, lots of schmoop. Like, loads. TONS.
Beta(s): shiny_starlight *Any and all remaining mistakes are mine*
Notes: Written for j2_everafter and is loosely based on the 2002 movie Tuck Everlasting. Title taken from the song Hold You In My Arms by Ray LaMontagne - which I listend to over and over and over again while working on this.
The story is told in snippets (vignettes, if you will), going back and forth between current (present events) and things that have passed. It just happened - the story demanded to be written this way.
I think I re-wrote this fic fifteen different times and in about thirty different ways. I struggled with it so much until I realised, oh hey, why am I basically copying the movie exactly? So, this came about at 3am one morning. A huge thank you to my number one cheerleader shiny_starlight, she kept me sane and was there in every single incarnation of this fic with her pokey-stick. She was also very patient as I asked endless questions and sent snippets for her opinion at all hours.
Also, to the lovely mods at j2_everafter, thank you for giving those of us who had real life issues another chance to get our stuff posted, y'all rock!
Disclaimer: This is a work of fanfiction - none of this ever happened. No copyright infringement is intended. No profit is made from this work. Please observe your local laws with regards to the age-limit and content of this work.
They meet sometime in mid-September. Jensen doesn’t remember the exact date. What he does remember is that it was on a Thursday afternoon and he was rushing to his next class, coffee and cell phone clutched in one hand and a heavy, teetering pile of books in the other.
He had just turned the corner, trying to remember if he actually had his notes with him, when he slammed into a giant.
There was a tiny fragment of time where they just stood there and then suddenly his books were falling and Jensen was trying not to let his coffee fall as well, because, damn it, he needed the caffeine. He would have fallen too, if two large hands hadn’t caught him, one on his bicep the other on his hip pushing him up and back against the wall.
It took him a moment, but then he was blinking and staring as the guy stooped down, gathered Jensen’s book in his hands - and my God his hands were huge - and then stood up. And up and up. Jesus Christ he was tall.
"Here, you dropped these." His books were being held out to him, an earnest smile on the guys face.
"What?" And Jensen had been pretty much knocked stupid.
"Your books." The guy’s smile widened and dimples came out on each side.
Actually no, Jensen had been knocked completely stupid.
"Um, oh, thanks." He held out his hand and that’s when he realized he was shaking and pretty badly at that. "Huh, I think - I think I need to sit down."
The guy blinked once and then his smile dropped and his face morphed into concern. "Oh, hey, okay. Come on." He pulled Jensen away from the wall and led him over to a nearby stone bench. He was gentle and careful and so damn worried that Jensen felt his nerves smoothing out and his shaking stop.
Then he realized that, oh hey, I almost had a nervous breakdown in front of hot guy here and blushed. "Sorry, I just - nerves."
"Don’t worry about it."
"Um, thanks, by the way."
"For what?"
Jensen blushed some more and ducked his head. Yeah, so he was a bit of a head case, he knew that. "Just, in general."
There was that smile again, bright and happy. "No problem," he held a hand out and waggled his eyebrows. "I think we should have proper introductions, given our most unusual manner of meeting. I’m Jared."
And that, that was when Jensen’s life changed forever.
*
"Jensen!"
He doesn’t have to turn around to know who it is so he keeps walking, slowing his pace down only a little. "Hey man, what’s up?"
Jensen rolls his eyes a bit and only glances at Jared for a moment. "The sky, that’s what’s up."
As usual, Jared barks out a laugh. "God, you’re such a geek. Anyways, I wanted to know if you were up to anything tonight?"
"Nothing, why?"
Jared nudges him with his shoulder, letting his hand drop so it brushes just lightly against Jensen’s thigh. "Just, want to come over? Catch a movie? Make out?"
This time Jensen laughs and stops, turning in close to Jared. "Hmm, I don’t know. Not enough incentive."
"Not enough -" Jared scowls at him, trying to hide the smile working at the edges of his mouth. He leans closer to Jensen, placing a hand on his hip, fingers dipping under the thick material of his sweatshirt. "What would it take to convince you, my good sir?"
"I’m not sure. I do have other lucrative offers on the table. You’d have to make a fairly convincing argument."
"I think," Jared presses closer, his other hand sliding up Jensen’s back to cup around the back of his neck, "I can manage something to lure you in."
"It is highly doubtful -" His words are cut off by Jared’s lips closing over his.
It’s a soft kiss, filled with slow burning heat and so much promise. Jensen sort of melts into Jared and it’s a good thing he’s not holding anything because his hands just kind of cling to Jared’s shirt, sliding in under his denim jacket. He feels his body warm up from the late winter chill that had settled in last week, the wind no longer biting at his cheeks as Jared blocks it with his broad shoulders.
He could do this forever, just stand around and kiss Jared, let Jared kiss him. He loves the way he has to tilt up slightly and sometimes, when he’s being particularly girly, he even stands on his toes a little to bring himself closer to Jared. Jared’s hands hold him close, big wide palm sliding across his skin under his sweatshirt and ratty t-shirt. His other hand is now cupping the back of his head and the way Jared’s fingers spread up and across his hair, reaching almost from ear to ear sends sparks shivering down his spine.
They separate after a moment, Jared trailing softer kisses across his cheeks and jaw, nipping occasionally at his bottom lip. "Will that work, or do you need more?"
Jensen just sort of…nods, having forgotten what they had been talking about. Every available cell in his body not dedicated to keeping him alive is straining towards Jared. They stand together like that, his arms wrapped around Jared’s waist, hands bunched up under his jacket and fingers tangled in his shirt and warm. Jared’s still cradling him, long arms keeping him in place.
Yeah, he could totally live with doing this forever.
*
After their first meeting, Jared was pretty hard to get rid of. Not that Jensen was complaining or anything. Just.
He was always there.
Jensen hadn’t figured out what Jared was studying and anytime he asked Jared would just wave a hand and brush off the question, stating that geniuses didn’t need to study because they already knew everything. It didn’t quite bother Jensen that he didn’t know. But…it did make him think.
A couple of weeks later, he gave up trying to figure it out; just went along with Jared being there smiling, arm draped across Jensen’s shoulder and hip bumping into his because they were always walking so close together.
His friends teased him, asking if he had a new boyfriend and who he was and why they hadn’t been introduced. Jensen turned a particularly dark shade of red when Chris announced to their lunch group at large that of course the only reason Jensen was so relaxed was because he was finally getting some butt fucking. Everyone cracked up and even the large soda poured over Chris’ head didn’t deter his friend’s cackling.
*
Jared bounces to a stop in front of Jensen and shoves a large, thin box, about the size of a keyboard and almost just as heavy, into his hands. He has no time to react before both he and the box are pulled into a tight hug. The instant he’s let go Jared starts talking a mile a minute, urging him to open the box.
"Wait, wait, what? What is this?"
"- and I hope you…what?"
"Jared, what is this?" He lifts the box up and shakes it slightly, somewhat relieved to hear that nothing moves inside of it.
The confusion on Jared’s face is nothing near adorable. Really, it isn’t. "Your birthday present."
"My what?"
"It’s your birthday, right? So, present." Jared gestures at the box, the duh obvious on his face.
Jensen blinks and looks down at the box, only just now noticing the big yellow bow and sparkling green and blue wrapping paper. Something tight swells up in his throat and he has to swallow around it before he can speak again. "How did - How did you know?"
"Your driver’s license," Jared suddenly blushes and he looks down, "I may have taken a peek at it a few weeks ago. And well. Um, Happy Birthday?"
"Jared, I -" Jensen doesn’t know what to say. He knows what he should say, but he can’t.
Jared’s face falls and he takes a quick step back. "Sorry, I shouldn’t have. I’m sorry." He reaches for the box and quickly takes it out of Jensen’s hands. "I’ll just. I’ll take this back and we can forget this ever happened. Yeah? Just - Sorry." With a sharp nod he turns and starts walking away, his shoulders stiff and his back curved down.
Damn it.
"Jared, wait!" Jensen jogs to catch up with him and moves to stand in front of him. He places a hand on Jared’s arm and tries to duck down and meet his eyes. "I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it like that. You just, you caught me by surprise."
"But, you - The look on your face. I’m sorry. I just thought…" Jared’s face crumples and it tears at something inside Jensen.
"No, look, I swear. Just…come on. Let’s sit down." Jensen tugs Jared over to one of the picnic tables strewn all over the green. They sit down across from each other, Jared placing the box - present - off to the side. "I haven’t celebrated my birthday in a while, that’s all."
"Oh." Jared stares at him for a moment before reaching a hand across and placing it on top of Jensen’s. Jensen immediately turns his hand and laces their fingers together. "Do you want to talk about it? Or, I mean. Um. I’m here, if you need. I mean, yeah."
He’s never seen Jared this flustered and it makes his heart flutter madly in his chest. "I guess I should have told you. I try not to think about it, you know?" Jared’s nod is so earnest that Jensen can’t help but smile at him.
"Will you tell me, eventually?"
"How about I tell you now?"
The grin he gets in return is so bright, so blinding, that Jensen has to look down at their joined hands instead. After a moment he finally starts talking.
"My family, they all died, about ten years ago. It was so stupid and I wasn’t with them, off at some stupid camp thing instead. They were driving to see me, for closing ceremonies or something. And a large semi lost control and well, yeah. So, ever since then, no birthdays for me."
Jared doesn’t say anything and when he pulls his hand out, Jensen has to bite back the tears stinging his eyes. A moment later, though, Jared is next to him on the bench, arms wrapped tight around him and kisses falling everywhere he can reach, covering Jensen’s face. It takes the last bit of strength he has and for the first time since he heard his family wasn’t coming home ever again, he cries.
It’s like the flood gates have opened up in him and he turns into Jared’s hold, clinging to him as he sobs. The ache he’s been holding for the last decade surges in him and he just rides the wave.
When he manages to calm down, he’s slumped against Jared, hands gripping his shirt weakly. Which, now that he notices, is covered in tears and snot. He sits up and gives Jared a wobbly smile. "Um, thanks. Sorry about the," he waves his hand and self-consciously wipes his nose on the sleeve of his shirt, "shirt and all."
Jared glances down and shrugs. When he looks back up his eyes are soft and full of so much love that Jensen aches to hold on to him forever. "Is alright. Shirt’s the least of my worries right now. You okay?"
He takes a moment and yeah, he is and tells Jared so. "So, present?" Jared laughs at him and he huffs, holding his arms out and making grabby hands at the box sitting across the table from him. "Gimme, it’s mine."
"Fine, fine." Jared reaches across and pulls it closer, pushing it so the large bow sits right in front of him. "I hope you like it."
With an eye roll, Jensen tears into it with an enthusiasm he hasn’t felt in ages. The wood case underneath, once he finally manages to get through Jared’s crazy good wrapping job, is simple, dark and warm in his hands. A small relief adorns the center of the lid and the scene depicts a large tree in the middle of a clearing, bubbling spring at its base. Spreading out from it are vines and each leaf curls around a brush, a tube of paint, canvas, or some other kind of art supply. The vast majority of materials depicted he hasn’t even been able to get a hold of and he itches to run his hands all over the design.
"Wow, this is beautiful."
Jared blushes when Jensen glances at him. "Open it."
He does, first letting his fingers skim across the smooth surface of the front and dip into the raised design. The inside of the case is lined with soft velvet, the kind Jensen has only seen in expensive jewelry boxes. He thinks that’s it when he notices the little latch in the middle of what he’d thought was the bottom. Jensen tugs on it gently and it lifts with minimal resistance.
The gasp that escapes his lips is something that he’ll deny, but in all honesty, he can’t help it.
Laid out in front of him is a set of traditional sumi-e brushes. And not just any set. They’re exquisite, the bamboo shining brightly in the weak afternoon light, the variety of brush hairs making him shiver in anticipation. He lets his eyes wander through them and he doesn’t stop himself from reaching out and fingering the largest one, the brush hairs soft and fluffy against his skin.
Along the bottom several ornately decorated inksticks lay tip to tip. And right in the center of it all is a large inkstone, its gray surface cool to the touch.
"It’s Tao River stone, really rare and extremely difficult to get a hold of."
Jensen startles and looks over at Jared. "You, this is. It’s - How?"
Jared shrugs, his look sheepish. "You mentioned it once and well, there you have it."
"But, this was like, months ago. When we first met. How can you - I mean. Jared this is amazing. You have no idea."
"I remember everything you’ve told me. And you have that look in your eyes when you’re planning some great piece, so I think I kind of have some idea."
Jensen looks back down at his present and takes a shuddery breath. "What about the case? It’s nothing I’ve ever seen before."
The blush on Jared’s cheeks deepens and he wrinkles his nose in embarrassment. "The case? Um, I carved it myself. Wood from my parents’ property."
There’s nothing he can say to that so he gently places the felt covering back on top of his kit, closes the case and proceeds to tackle Jared off the bench and onto the ground.
*
Jared had become a fixture in Jensen’s life and while he wouldn’t have it any other way, something was off. He was always over at Jensen’s apartment, sitting quietly when Jensen was studying and making a nuisance of himself when he studied too long. They’d been friends for about three months now and it was really starting to grate on Jensen’s nerves that Jared never seemed to be in class.
One night, right before his finals started, Jared showed up with pizza, beer and a stack of movies. Before Jensen could so much as utter a word, Jared was inside and settling in on the sofa.
The headache that had been building up all day suddenly exploded and Jensen wanted nothing more than to finish reviewing for his Irish Art & Architecture class and try to get a full night’s rest. He went back to his desk and tried to concentrate, but the images just blurred together and Jared’s ongoing chatter was making his skin crawl.
Finally he couldn’t take it anymore and snapped.
"Jared! Don’t you have anything better to do than bug me all the time? For crying out loud, don’t you have a fucking life of your own?"
The silence was, as they say, suffocating. Then Jared was standing up, his face blank and eyes shuttered. He mumbled a quiet apology and left, leaving Jensen feeling inexplicably guilty.
*
"Do you have anything planned for Spring Break?"
Jensen looks up at Jared and shifts a bit until he’s on his stomach, chin resting on Jared’s chest. "I don’t. Normally I just stay in. One year I went to Mexico with Chris and well, let’s just say I don’t want a repeat of that ever again."
Jared laughs and flips them over so he’s looming over Jensen, hair tickling his forehead. "What do you say to us going away together? Just us and no one else."
"I’d like that, I think." He runs his hands up across Jared’s chest and over to his back, pulling him down. "Where would we go?"
"Anywhere."
"Is that so?" He tilts his head back, letting Jared have access to his neck.
"Pick a place and we’ll go, doesn’t matter where."
He loses track of the conversation as Jared slowly makes his way down, lips and tongue leaving a cool, fiery trail across his chest. When Jared wraps his lips around Jensen’s cock and sucks, he forgets anything but the slick heat of Jared’s mouth and the firm grip of hands on his hips.
*
Jared hadn’t come by for two weeks and his absence felt like someone had torn out a huge hole inside Jensen. As he made his weekly run to the grocery store, teeth chattering from the frigid December air, he saw Jared for the first time and it made his heart stutter. And he finally understood.
He turned the corner and spotted him. Jared was sitting on the small park bench set up outside the market, slouched over and his hands stuffed in his pockets. He didn’t question his presence there and quickly made his way over, sitting down next to Jared.
"So, I was kind of an asshole."
"You kind of were."
He leaned in a bit, settling his shoulder against Jared’s. "I’m sorry." He felt Jared shrug and leaned in some more, pulling his glove off and slipping his hand in alongside Jared’s. "I miss you."
Long fingers tangled with his and when Jared tilted his head slightly and rested it on Jensen’s shoulder, he knew he was forgiven.
*
It isn’t a surprise when Jared announces he has their trip all set up for spring break. What is a surprise is that right before they leave for the airport, Jared tells him to grab his passport.
"Excuse me?"
"Your passport, you’re going to need it."
Jensen blinks at him. "Why?"
Jared looks up and innocence really looks bad on him. "Oh, I didn’t tell you?"
"No, you most certainly did not. Where are we going?"
Instead of answering, Jared hands him an envelope. Jensen takes it and opens it, pulling out a small stack of papers. Right on top is a brochure extolling all the wonders of Florence. He frowns and when he finally gets it he has to sit down.
"Italy?"
Jared shrugs and stuffs his hand into the back pocket of his jeans. "Well, you said you wanted to go and isn’t Florence where they have all that art stuff?"
"Jared, this - This must have cost you a fortune, how?"
"It doesn’t matter. We’re going and you are going to out geek yourself beyond your wildest dreams."
He opens his mouth to protest some more but Jared shuts him up with a searing kiss and a gentle push out the door.
Jensen makes Jared run back into the apartment for his forgotten passport not even ten minutes later.
*
When Jared kissed him for the first time, it wasn’t like anything Jensen had ever expected. He’d been thinking about it and wondering when the perfect moment would come and how he could go about orchestrating things just right. He thought that maybe New Year’s would work, but then it sounded too cliché and he didn’t really want it to be in front of all his friends.
Chris and Danneel teased him mercilessly, demanding that Jared be brought along to the big end of year bash or else everyone was going to assume that Jensen’s boy was just imaginary. Jensen said he’d try and promised to at least take him to the cookout all his friends had every January second.
They were walking down the street, two days before New Year’s, linked hands stuffed in Jared’s pocket to keep warm. Jared, as usual, was just going on and on about the most random things. He liked to talk most about all the trips he and his brother liked to go on and Jensen was only slightly jealous of how much of the world Jared had seen.
It started snowing, a light flurry, and Jared giggled. He pulled away and flung his arms out, spinning slowly as he tried to catch the cold flakes on his tongue.
As he watched him, Jensen was hit with a sudden realization. This man, who was more like a child than adult and so full of life, had wiggled and wormed his way into Jensen’s heart and he wanted to spend the rest of his life with him.
So, yeah. He was pretty sure then that he was in love.
Jared caught him staring and smiled at him, wide and happy. He walked over to Jensen and leaned in close. "Hi."
"Hey." The dopey smile on his face must have been a giveaway.
"So," Jared slipped his hands into Jensen’s coat pockets and pulled him in, "you’re kinda hot. Smokin’ hot, to be honest."
Jensen huffed out a laugh. "Is that so?"
"Yeah and I’m pretty sure, like about only one hundred percent sure, that I’m completely in love with you." Jared’s face was soft and Jensen really, really wanted forever with him.
"You know, I think that maybe I feel the same." Jensen’s grin was muffled by Jared’s lips, just a soft press before he pulled back. "Okay, so I lied. Maybe I’m one hundred percent sure I feel the same way."
Jared laughed softly before pressing in again, lips soft and warm, cold nose pressing against his cheek and yeah. Forever sounded pretty damn awesome right about now.
*
Sometime towards the end of June, Jared starts pulling away. It makes no sense to Jensen and he doesn’t know what to do. It starts off slow, Jared saying he can’t meet up or calling at the last minute to cancel dates. And the amount of time he spends at Jensen’s apartment dwindles down to almost nothing.
For some reason, he starts thinking that he did something wrong and goes out of his mind trying to figure out what it was. Whenever he asks Jared, though, his concerns are pushed aside and he’s told not to worry.
It’s when Jared doesn’t call or show up for over a week that he can’t take it anymore and calls Danneel. She arrives at his apartment with a bucket of Ben & Jerry’s Chunky Monkey and a bottle of Absolute .
She lets him just talk it out, nodding occasionally and making sure he doesn’t drink all of the liquor at once. When he’s done, she asks him questions so they can work out what went wrong and where. Just as Jensen’s about to throw his still full carton of ice cream at the wall in frustration, Danneel makes a soft inquisitive noise.
"Jensen, what did you say his last name was?"
"What?"
Danneel’s walking over to his computer, "His last name, what is it?"
"Jared’s?"
"Yes, silly." She sits down and wiggles the mouse, waiting as the computer wakes up.
"Um, Padalecki? Yeah, that’s it." All he can hear is the clacking of the keyboard as she types, so he stands up to peer over her head. "What are you doing?"
"Looking him up, something about his last name…Aha! I knew it, look!" She points to the screen and he bends over, squinting at it. "The Padaleckis are the founders of the university. Back in like…1850 or so. It started as a small school and over the years it became what it is today. Oh look, family picture."
The picture she indicates is small, but there’s something about it that chills him to his core.
Jensen gently pushes the chair aside and drops to his knees, his hand trembling as he clicks on the picture, waiting for the larger version to load. It’s takes a minute or two and then he has to swallow hard to keep the bile gathering in his throat from coming up. The picture is of a family sitting in front of their home, pets gathered around them. They’re obviously people of money and from the smiles on their faces, happy. But what really grabs his attention is the young man sitting on the grass in front of his mom, one leg pulled up and the other bent slightly on the ground.
He wants to believe it’s just really uncanny family resemblance, like how people used to tell him that he was the spitting image of his granddaddy. Something inside seems to just fall apart when he scrolls down and sees the names printed neatly, black ink fading, in a familiar script, the loops and swirls of the letters taunting him.
*
When Jensen had asked Jared about his family a look had crossed over his face that Jensen couldn’t name. They were sitting on the green, enjoying the warm breeze, hands tangled in the grass. After Jared didn’t answer, Jensen tugged on his hand and asked again.
"There’s nothing to say. I have a mom, dad, older brother and younger sister. Okay?"
"What’s your problem? I just wanted to know."
Jared sat up and pulled his hand out of Jensen’s hold. "Why? What’s the big deal?"
"They’re your family? I mean, if you don’t want me to meet them, fine. I just, I wanted to know." He sat up and placed a hand on Jared’s back and tried not to flinch when Jared shrugged it off.
"Look, just stop prying."
Jensen stared at him aghast. "Prying? Is that - Well, I’m sorry. I just wanted to know a little about my boyfriend. Is that so much to ask?"
"Just because you don’t have a family doesn’t mean -"
Jensen didn’t give him a chance to finish. He pushed him down and gave him a swift punch to the jaw. "Don’t you ever use my family against me."
Jared was still splayed on the grass when Jensen gathered his bag and books, leaving without having said another word.
*
Danneel’s the one that finds the address for him. She only questions him once but when he chokes on his answer she just sighs and hands the paper over. "It’s about five hours from here. Just, are you sure you’re okay going alone?"
"I have to, you understand that, right?"
"Yeah, I do. Be careful, okay? And call me?"
Jensen nods and gets in his car. In the passenger seat is a folder with printed out pictures of Jared and his family. He’s not letting himself think about that too much, at least not yet. The address is propped up on his dash, right in front of the steering wheel and he quickly puts the information into his phone’s navigation program.
Danneel waves from the driveway of her house and as he watches her get smaller and smaller in his rearview mirror, he hopes to finally get some answers.
*
"Jensen, I’m sorry. Please. I’m so sorry." Jared knocked again, loud enough to bother Jensen but not loud enough to disturb his neighbors. "Please let me in. Please."
Jensen was standing by the door and had been for the past hour, listening to Jared beg and say sorry over and over. He wanted to let him in, but remembering how Jared had mentioned his family in such a dismissive manner hurt.
When no noise came from the door after a few minutes, Jensen slumped down in weary relief. He went to step away but stopped when he heard a soft rustling noise at the door. He turned back and saw a piece of paper being pushed through the bottom of the door. Without thought he picked it up, straightening it out againts his thigh.
On it was Jared’s soft cursive, the flowery script that reminded him of papers from great artists of ages ago.
I love you - Can you ever forgive me? I’ll do anything.
It wasn’t a hard decision, in the end, to open the door. Jared was standing with a crumpled bouquet of wildflowers in his hand and the look in his eyes had Jensen forgiving him on the spot.
"Tell me about your family."
*
When he pulls up to the house, it’s a bit of a shock to see it painted a pale blue. The trim is yellow and there are flower boxes in every window, blooms of every color cascading down the sides of each. As he gets out a woman steps out of the house, wiping her hands on a dish towel.
"Can I help you?" She steps out into the light and Jensen feels his knees go weak when he gets a good look at her.
"I’m looking for Jared, is he home?"
Her eyes widen for a moment and then she turns, stepping into the house and calling out Jared’s name at the top of her lungs. Even from outside he can hear thundering footsteps and a moment later Jared is standing there, staring at Jensen with wide eyes and a pale face.
"Jensen!" He scrambles down the porch steps and quickly walks up to Jensen. "What are you doing here? I thought - You’re not supposed - What?"
Jensen would find it funny he if wasn’t so damn angry. "You selfish son of a bitch." And before he can think about he punches Jared, square in the jaw, for the second time.
Someone shouts Jared’s name and there’s a pair of arms pulling Jensen away. "Stop, dad, let him go."
"Son, he punched you." The voice is attached to the arms holding him back.
"Yeah and I deserved it. Let him go."
Jensen’s let go and he takes a couple steps back. The family gathered in front of him is exactly like the picture that’s sitting in the passenger seat. He staggers back some more and finally hits the side of his car.
"You’re all - Oh my God."
"Jensen, I’m sorry. I never - I’m sorry." Jared looks crushed, his eyes are puffy and red as if he’s been crying for some while now.
"How?"
"Jared, son, I think you need to head inside. Let me speak to him." Jared’s father doesn’t wait for a reply, quickly ushering his family away and up the stairs, back into the house. He turns to Jensen and heaves a great sigh. "This isn’t easy, for any of us. But Jared, he’s always been the type to hand over his heart at the drop of a hat. He just never expected you to do the same."
"I’m sorry?"
"Come with me, I want to show you something." He turns and starts walking, not waiting for Jensen.
It takes him a moment but he moves quickly and is soon walking alongside the man. "Where are we going?"
"I’m going to explain everything, but you have to see to understand."
"Okay."
Their walk is quiet, serene, and Jensen takes a moment to appreciate the tranquility of the forest around them. "Um, sir? How -," he has to swallow and clear his suddenly dry throat, "How old is Jared?"
The man laughs, a deep booming sound that echoes Jared’s and stops for a moment, extending his hand. "Call me Gerry. And Jared? You’ll have to ask him yourself."
He watches Gerry, the way he moves with ease around fallen trees and slippery patches of dead leaves. Jared’s father moves easily, as if he’s been doing this all his life. And, if what from what he’s gathered about Jared is true, that means he’s been doing this a lot longer than Jensen can imagine.
They finally reach a clearing and Gerry extends an arm. "This is our family tree. Been a part of us since we settled here."
The tree is large, powerful, thick branches reaching up and out, spanning over the entire clearing. At the base of its thick trunk is a small spring, bubbling up from some unseen source.
Instantly he connects it to the tree and spring carved on his semi-e case. And he can see why Jared chose this image, this majestic scene, to carve into the wood. It was his way of giving Jensen a part of himself.
Gerry settles down on a patch of grass and gently taps the ground next to him, indicating that Jensen sit as well. He does so, drawing up his legs and wrapping his arms around his knees. When he speaks, Gerry’s voice is low, soothing.
"You see, we came here and settled down; intending to stay only for a short while. Then we discovered how great the land is and decided to stay. Jeff, my oldest, is the one that discovered the tree and the water. We thought nothing of it, kept using it when our well was dry or frozen. One day when we were working the fields, Jared slipped and fell, bashing his head real bad against a large stone. I thought he was dead, pulse had stopped and he wasn’t breathing. But, a moment later he got right back up, as if nothing had happened."
He paused, pulling a long blade of grass out of the ground and folding it in his hand. "Took us a while, but when the horse didn’t age and neither did the cat, we figured it out. Scared as you can imagine we were, especially Sherri."
"So you decided to just stay here?"
"We did, used what money we had saved up and the crop that we’d planted to buy out the land. It was cheap, no one wanted anything near here at the time. Over the next few years we bought as much of the surrounding lands as well, to keep ourselves safe."
Jensen sighed and rested his chin on his folded arms. "What about, Jared and his brother and sister. Did they ever, I mean. Have they married or anything?"
Gerry grinned and shook his head. "Jeff has, boy found himself a good woman and when he explained about us, she just asked for directions to the spring. Good head on her shoulders that one. And Megan, she’s not ready to settle down, or so she says. She’s especially enjoying being a young woman in this time period."
"And Jared?"
"He’s had a total of two relationships. One, before all this happened, to a young lady named Sandy. Tiny, sweet little thing. Her parents were keen on arranging a marriage with us. Jared was head over heels for that girl."
Something in his tone sends chills down Jensen’s spine and he straightens a bit. "What happened?"
"She had been -," Gerry clears his throat and squeezes his eyes tightly shut for a moment, "She was on her way back from visiting family and the wedding was set for the following weekend. Never made it back home though. The wagon she was traveling in was caught in a bad flood when passing a bridge two towns over. Rescue group found her down river, three days later."
"Jesus."
"Jared took it bad, took him a long while to get over it."
"But, he did. You said he had two relationships."
"He did, about thirty something years ago. Young man, bright and full of wonder and hope for the world. They got along like two peas in a pod. At one point Jared told him about us and he’d hoped the boy would pick him over everything."
"He didn’t."
"No, he stayed with Jared for only a few years after that."
"What happened?"
"Left, it bothered him that he was aging while Jared wasn’t." Gerry leans close, catching Jensen’s eyes. "You have to make that same decision young man. It’s a choice that will, very literally, stay with you forever."
With that Gerry gets up and heads back towards the house.
Jensen turns to look at the bubbling spring and lets the warmth of the sun fall over him. For a moment, just a small moment, he considers how insane this all sounds. Actually thinks about getting up leaving Jared behind. Then he remembers.
And he knows that from the moment they first met, there really was no other choice for him.
*
Jared looked confused, his eyes squinted and nose scrunched up. "Um, Jensen?"
"Surprise?" Jensen tried to contain his blush but couldn’t, he could feel his face burning up in the gentle candlelight.
"What is this?"
"Our anniversary, it’s been six months Jared."
"Oh."
A cold lump fell to the bottom of Jensen’s gut. "You forgot."
"No, I just," now it was Jared’s turn to blush, his cheeks stained a soft pink, "I was going to surprise you, too. Tomorrow, at your favorite restaurant."
Jensen laughed and walked over to Jared, slipped right up into his space. "So, basically we’re a bunch of overly romantic girls."
"Yeah, but," Jared pulled him in, arms wrapping tight and low on Jensen’s waist, "I wouldn’t have it any other way."
*
Jared’s sitting on the bottom step when Jensen walks back out to the house. His head is hanging low and his shoulders are a tight line. When he hears Jensen approaching he looks up and smiles softly. There’s a look of resignation on his face, as if he knows exactly what to expect.
Jensen smiles at him and kneels down in front of him. Without a word he leans forward and catches Jared’s lips in a kiss. He licks at Jared’s bottom lip and when his mouth parts, he surges, deepening the kiss and sharing the small bit of cool spring water still in his mouth. Jared moans in surprise and pulls back, staring at him with so much wary hope that Jensen’s heart breaks.
"How old are you?" Jared blinks and shakes his head, like he doesn’t understand. "I asked, how old are you, Jared?"
"I’m about," he licks his lips, fingers slowly curling over Jensen’s wrists where they rest on his thighs, "I think, two hundred and something? I lost count a century ago."
He laughs, a deep aching laugh that pulls at his stomach and has him gasping for air. "No, Jared. How old are you?"
Jared blinks at him for a moment and then smiles, that same wide, blinding smile that had knocked Jensen stupid so many months ago. "I’m twenty-two. You?"
"Twenty-five."
"I think, my dear sir, that we are just meant to be."
Jensen laughs as Jared licks at his neck, fingers digging gently into his ribs and tickling him relentlessly. He manages to gasp out a stop! between breaths and quickly grabs hold of Jared’s hands. "What do you say, we go back to my place? We can have a bit more privacy there than in your family home."
"And after that Jensen?"
"After that? The world."
*
The first time they had sex it was fast and rushed and so hot, that Jensen barely remembered it the next morning. What he did remember was burning skin pressed against his, fingers trailing fire all over his body, lips that whispered soft, worshipful words against his hip, his neck, his thigh.
When Jared had woken up, he’d stretched and immediately rolled Jensen over, greeting him with a soft happy smile. Being kissed right after waking up and sharing morning breath wasn’t anywhere near as romantic as they showed in the movies, but with Jared’s hand smoothing down his chest, Jensen didn’t mind at all.
Jensen smiled up at him and couldn’t help but say, "I want forever with you."
Jared’s smile slipped only a little and his reply had been a whispered, "I’d give you forever if I could."
*
They stumble into the apartment, hands pulling at clothes and lips on whatever spot of skin they can find. Jensen barely manages to shut the door before Jared’s pulling him to the bedroom, clothes falling in their wake.
He’s on the bed before he can so much as blink and Jared’s right there, on top of him, and wow. Yeah. His boyfriend’s all kinds of hot.
It’s been about five months since the first time and they’ve done all kinds of things together since then. But, for some reason, this feels like the first time.
Jared touches him and wherever his fingers land Jensen’s body burns up, skin sparking with desire. He makes sure to keep it slow, soft. He wants to remember every detail tomorrow and every tomorrow for the rest of their forever.
Jensen arches his back as Jared slips a finger into him, kissing him gently as he opens Jensen up. One finger becomes two, then three and he’s begging for more soon enough. Jared goes to pull on a condom but Jensen stops him. They look at each other for a moment and then Jared’s eyes widen just slightly in understanding. He nods and tosses the foil package to the side.
Having Jared lean over him, moving his legs so he can push in, is something that Jensen will never get over. It sends all kinds of signals rushing through his nerves and when Jared starts moving, he curls his legs around Jared’s waist and pulls him closer.
Moving together like this is the most intimate things that Jensen can imagine and they soon find a rhythm. Jared pulls out and as he’s pushing back in, Jensen rolls his hips up and uses his legs to pull him in deeper. His hands roam all over Jared’s body, fingers memorizing the smooth planes of muscle and skin moving above him.
Forever. He gets to have this forever and the thought has him gasping, so close to the edge.
Jared leans down and licks at his mouth, nose nudging his and air being traded back and forth between them. Jensen wraps his arm tight around Jared’s back, pulling him down and closer. It’s slightly uncomfortable for him, but having Jared sliding against him, mouthing at his neck is more than worth it.
"Jensen, Jensen, so close." Jared’s voice is wrecked, scratchy and hoarse as if he’s been screaming from hours. His hands slip under Jensen’s back and settle around his shoulders, fingers digging into his skin and pulling him up slightly.
They keep moving, rhythm faltering and gathering speed. Jensen gasps for air, lips brushing against Jared’s temple and he’s so close, so very close. He drags one hand up Jared’s back and curls his fingers tight into his hair, turning his head slightly so they can kiss. His other hand trails down Jared’s spine and dips into his ass, finger teasing lightly at Jared’s hole. Jared gasps, muscles bunching under Jensen’s hand.
He kisses Jared and pulls away only slightly to whisper, "I’m yours forever."
With those words Jared comes, limbs locking and hips stuttering slightly. Jensen feels a gentle warmth fill him and when he hears Jared echoing his words he arches his back, tips his head to the side and lets the stinging pleasure that’s been building up in his body take over.
A few minutes later, they’re still wrapped tight around each other and Jensen never wants to let go.
So yeah, when he thinks back to that blurry Thursday in September he forgets to think about why he was running late to class or why he almost had a panic attack when Jared started talking to him. What he does remember is the feeling of his world tilting on its axis when Jared took his hand claimed that they were going to be friends for life.
|The End|
Author: auroraprimavera
Rating: NC-17
Pairing(s): Jared/Jensen, past Jared/Sandy & Jared/OMC (only mentioned)
Summary: All Jensen wants is to have his forever with Jared.
Word Count: ~7,300
Warning(s): Little bit of angst, lots of schmoop. Like, loads. TONS.
Beta(s): shiny_starlight *Any and all remaining mistakes are mine*
Notes: Written for j2_everafter and is loosely based on the 2002 movie Tuck Everlasting. Title taken from the song Hold You In My Arms by Ray LaMontagne - which I listend to over and over and over again while working on this.
The story is told in snippets (vignettes, if you will), going back and forth between current (present events) and things that have passed. It just happened - the story demanded to be written this way.
I think I re-wrote this fic fifteen different times and in about thirty different ways. I struggled with it so much until I realised, oh hey, why am I basically copying the movie exactly? So, this came about at 3am one morning. A huge thank you to my number one cheerleader shiny_starlight, she kept me sane and was there in every single incarnation of this fic with her pokey-stick. She was also very patient as I asked endless questions and sent snippets for her opinion at all hours.
Also, to the lovely mods at j2_everafter, thank you for giving those of us who had real life issues another chance to get our stuff posted, y'all rock!
Disclaimer: This is a work of fanfiction - none of this ever happened. No copyright infringement is intended. No profit is made from this work. Please observe your local laws with regards to the age-limit and content of this work.
They meet sometime in mid-September. Jensen doesn’t remember the exact date. What he does remember is that it was on a Thursday afternoon and he was rushing to his next class, coffee and cell phone clutched in one hand and a heavy, teetering pile of books in the other.
He had just turned the corner, trying to remember if he actually had his notes with him, when he slammed into a giant.
There was a tiny fragment of time where they just stood there and then suddenly his books were falling and Jensen was trying not to let his coffee fall as well, because, damn it, he needed the caffeine. He would have fallen too, if two large hands hadn’t caught him, one on his bicep the other on his hip pushing him up and back against the wall.
It took him a moment, but then he was blinking and staring as the guy stooped down, gathered Jensen’s book in his hands - and my God his hands were huge - and then stood up. And up and up. Jesus Christ he was tall.
"Here, you dropped these." His books were being held out to him, an earnest smile on the guys face.
"What?" And Jensen had been pretty much knocked stupid.
"Your books." The guy’s smile widened and dimples came out on each side.
Actually no, Jensen had been knocked completely stupid.
"Um, oh, thanks." He held out his hand and that’s when he realized he was shaking and pretty badly at that. "Huh, I think - I think I need to sit down."
The guy blinked once and then his smile dropped and his face morphed into concern. "Oh, hey, okay. Come on." He pulled Jensen away from the wall and led him over to a nearby stone bench. He was gentle and careful and so damn worried that Jensen felt his nerves smoothing out and his shaking stop.
Then he realized that, oh hey, I almost had a nervous breakdown in front of hot guy here and blushed. "Sorry, I just - nerves."
"Don’t worry about it."
"Um, thanks, by the way."
"For what?"
Jensen blushed some more and ducked his head. Yeah, so he was a bit of a head case, he knew that. "Just, in general."
There was that smile again, bright and happy. "No problem," he held a hand out and waggled his eyebrows. "I think we should have proper introductions, given our most unusual manner of meeting. I’m Jared."
And that, that was when Jensen’s life changed forever.
*
"Jensen!"
He doesn’t have to turn around to know who it is so he keeps walking, slowing his pace down only a little. "Hey man, what’s up?"
Jensen rolls his eyes a bit and only glances at Jared for a moment. "The sky, that’s what’s up."
As usual, Jared barks out a laugh. "God, you’re such a geek. Anyways, I wanted to know if you were up to anything tonight?"
"Nothing, why?"
Jared nudges him with his shoulder, letting his hand drop so it brushes just lightly against Jensen’s thigh. "Just, want to come over? Catch a movie? Make out?"
This time Jensen laughs and stops, turning in close to Jared. "Hmm, I don’t know. Not enough incentive."
"Not enough -" Jared scowls at him, trying to hide the smile working at the edges of his mouth. He leans closer to Jensen, placing a hand on his hip, fingers dipping under the thick material of his sweatshirt. "What would it take to convince you, my good sir?"
"I’m not sure. I do have other lucrative offers on the table. You’d have to make a fairly convincing argument."
"I think," Jared presses closer, his other hand sliding up Jensen’s back to cup around the back of his neck, "I can manage something to lure you in."
"It is highly doubtful -" His words are cut off by Jared’s lips closing over his.
It’s a soft kiss, filled with slow burning heat and so much promise. Jensen sort of melts into Jared and it’s a good thing he’s not holding anything because his hands just kind of cling to Jared’s shirt, sliding in under his denim jacket. He feels his body warm up from the late winter chill that had settled in last week, the wind no longer biting at his cheeks as Jared blocks it with his broad shoulders.
He could do this forever, just stand around and kiss Jared, let Jared kiss him. He loves the way he has to tilt up slightly and sometimes, when he’s being particularly girly, he even stands on his toes a little to bring himself closer to Jared. Jared’s hands hold him close, big wide palm sliding across his skin under his sweatshirt and ratty t-shirt. His other hand is now cupping the back of his head and the way Jared’s fingers spread up and across his hair, reaching almost from ear to ear sends sparks shivering down his spine.
They separate after a moment, Jared trailing softer kisses across his cheeks and jaw, nipping occasionally at his bottom lip. "Will that work, or do you need more?"
Jensen just sort of…nods, having forgotten what they had been talking about. Every available cell in his body not dedicated to keeping him alive is straining towards Jared. They stand together like that, his arms wrapped around Jared’s waist, hands bunched up under his jacket and fingers tangled in his shirt and warm. Jared’s still cradling him, long arms keeping him in place.
Yeah, he could totally live with doing this forever.
*
After their first meeting, Jared was pretty hard to get rid of. Not that Jensen was complaining or anything. Just.
He was always there.
Jensen hadn’t figured out what Jared was studying and anytime he asked Jared would just wave a hand and brush off the question, stating that geniuses didn’t need to study because they already knew everything. It didn’t quite bother Jensen that he didn’t know. But…it did make him think.
A couple of weeks later, he gave up trying to figure it out; just went along with Jared being there smiling, arm draped across Jensen’s shoulder and hip bumping into his because they were always walking so close together.
His friends teased him, asking if he had a new boyfriend and who he was and why they hadn’t been introduced. Jensen turned a particularly dark shade of red when Chris announced to their lunch group at large that of course the only reason Jensen was so relaxed was because he was finally getting some butt fucking. Everyone cracked up and even the large soda poured over Chris’ head didn’t deter his friend’s cackling.
*
Jared bounces to a stop in front of Jensen and shoves a large, thin box, about the size of a keyboard and almost just as heavy, into his hands. He has no time to react before both he and the box are pulled into a tight hug. The instant he’s let go Jared starts talking a mile a minute, urging him to open the box.
"Wait, wait, what? What is this?"
"- and I hope you…what?"
"Jared, what is this?" He lifts the box up and shakes it slightly, somewhat relieved to hear that nothing moves inside of it.
The confusion on Jared’s face is nothing near adorable. Really, it isn’t. "Your birthday present."
"My what?"
"It’s your birthday, right? So, present." Jared gestures at the box, the duh obvious on his face.
Jensen blinks and looks down at the box, only just now noticing the big yellow bow and sparkling green and blue wrapping paper. Something tight swells up in his throat and he has to swallow around it before he can speak again. "How did - How did you know?"
"Your driver’s license," Jared suddenly blushes and he looks down, "I may have taken a peek at it a few weeks ago. And well. Um, Happy Birthday?"
"Jared, I -" Jensen doesn’t know what to say. He knows what he should say, but he can’t.
Jared’s face falls and he takes a quick step back. "Sorry, I shouldn’t have. I’m sorry." He reaches for the box and quickly takes it out of Jensen’s hands. "I’ll just. I’ll take this back and we can forget this ever happened. Yeah? Just - Sorry." With a sharp nod he turns and starts walking away, his shoulders stiff and his back curved down.
Damn it.
"Jared, wait!" Jensen jogs to catch up with him and moves to stand in front of him. He places a hand on Jared’s arm and tries to duck down and meet his eyes. "I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it like that. You just, you caught me by surprise."
"But, you - The look on your face. I’m sorry. I just thought…" Jared’s face crumples and it tears at something inside Jensen.
"No, look, I swear. Just…come on. Let’s sit down." Jensen tugs Jared over to one of the picnic tables strewn all over the green. They sit down across from each other, Jared placing the box - present - off to the side. "I haven’t celebrated my birthday in a while, that’s all."
"Oh." Jared stares at him for a moment before reaching a hand across and placing it on top of Jensen’s. Jensen immediately turns his hand and laces their fingers together. "Do you want to talk about it? Or, I mean. Um. I’m here, if you need. I mean, yeah."
He’s never seen Jared this flustered and it makes his heart flutter madly in his chest. "I guess I should have told you. I try not to think about it, you know?" Jared’s nod is so earnest that Jensen can’t help but smile at him.
"Will you tell me, eventually?"
"How about I tell you now?"
The grin he gets in return is so bright, so blinding, that Jensen has to look down at their joined hands instead. After a moment he finally starts talking.
"My family, they all died, about ten years ago. It was so stupid and I wasn’t with them, off at some stupid camp thing instead. They were driving to see me, for closing ceremonies or something. And a large semi lost control and well, yeah. So, ever since then, no birthdays for me."
Jared doesn’t say anything and when he pulls his hand out, Jensen has to bite back the tears stinging his eyes. A moment later, though, Jared is next to him on the bench, arms wrapped tight around him and kisses falling everywhere he can reach, covering Jensen’s face. It takes the last bit of strength he has and for the first time since he heard his family wasn’t coming home ever again, he cries.
It’s like the flood gates have opened up in him and he turns into Jared’s hold, clinging to him as he sobs. The ache he’s been holding for the last decade surges in him and he just rides the wave.
When he manages to calm down, he’s slumped against Jared, hands gripping his shirt weakly. Which, now that he notices, is covered in tears and snot. He sits up and gives Jared a wobbly smile. "Um, thanks. Sorry about the," he waves his hand and self-consciously wipes his nose on the sleeve of his shirt, "shirt and all."
Jared glances down and shrugs. When he looks back up his eyes are soft and full of so much love that Jensen aches to hold on to him forever. "Is alright. Shirt’s the least of my worries right now. You okay?"
He takes a moment and yeah, he is and tells Jared so. "So, present?" Jared laughs at him and he huffs, holding his arms out and making grabby hands at the box sitting across the table from him. "Gimme, it’s mine."
"Fine, fine." Jared reaches across and pulls it closer, pushing it so the large bow sits right in front of him. "I hope you like it."
With an eye roll, Jensen tears into it with an enthusiasm he hasn’t felt in ages. The wood case underneath, once he finally manages to get through Jared’s crazy good wrapping job, is simple, dark and warm in his hands. A small relief adorns the center of the lid and the scene depicts a large tree in the middle of a clearing, bubbling spring at its base. Spreading out from it are vines and each leaf curls around a brush, a tube of paint, canvas, or some other kind of art supply. The vast majority of materials depicted he hasn’t even been able to get a hold of and he itches to run his hands all over the design.
"Wow, this is beautiful."
Jared blushes when Jensen glances at him. "Open it."
He does, first letting his fingers skim across the smooth surface of the front and dip into the raised design. The inside of the case is lined with soft velvet, the kind Jensen has only seen in expensive jewelry boxes. He thinks that’s it when he notices the little latch in the middle of what he’d thought was the bottom. Jensen tugs on it gently and it lifts with minimal resistance.
The gasp that escapes his lips is something that he’ll deny, but in all honesty, he can’t help it.
Laid out in front of him is a set of traditional sumi-e brushes. And not just any set. They’re exquisite, the bamboo shining brightly in the weak afternoon light, the variety of brush hairs making him shiver in anticipation. He lets his eyes wander through them and he doesn’t stop himself from reaching out and fingering the largest one, the brush hairs soft and fluffy against his skin.
Along the bottom several ornately decorated inksticks lay tip to tip. And right in the center of it all is a large inkstone, its gray surface cool to the touch.
"It’s Tao River stone, really rare and extremely difficult to get a hold of."
Jensen startles and looks over at Jared. "You, this is. It’s - How?"
Jared shrugs, his look sheepish. "You mentioned it once and well, there you have it."
"But, this was like, months ago. When we first met. How can you - I mean. Jared this is amazing. You have no idea."
"I remember everything you’ve told me. And you have that look in your eyes when you’re planning some great piece, so I think I kind of have some idea."
Jensen looks back down at his present and takes a shuddery breath. "What about the case? It’s nothing I’ve ever seen before."
The blush on Jared’s cheeks deepens and he wrinkles his nose in embarrassment. "The case? Um, I carved it myself. Wood from my parents’ property."
There’s nothing he can say to that so he gently places the felt covering back on top of his kit, closes the case and proceeds to tackle Jared off the bench and onto the ground.
*
Jared had become a fixture in Jensen’s life and while he wouldn’t have it any other way, something was off. He was always over at Jensen’s apartment, sitting quietly when Jensen was studying and making a nuisance of himself when he studied too long. They’d been friends for about three months now and it was really starting to grate on Jensen’s nerves that Jared never seemed to be in class.
One night, right before his finals started, Jared showed up with pizza, beer and a stack of movies. Before Jensen could so much as utter a word, Jared was inside and settling in on the sofa.
The headache that had been building up all day suddenly exploded and Jensen wanted nothing more than to finish reviewing for his Irish Art & Architecture class and try to get a full night’s rest. He went back to his desk and tried to concentrate, but the images just blurred together and Jared’s ongoing chatter was making his skin crawl.
Finally he couldn’t take it anymore and snapped.
"Jared! Don’t you have anything better to do than bug me all the time? For crying out loud, don’t you have a fucking life of your own?"
The silence was, as they say, suffocating. Then Jared was standing up, his face blank and eyes shuttered. He mumbled a quiet apology and left, leaving Jensen feeling inexplicably guilty.
*
"Do you have anything planned for Spring Break?"
Jensen looks up at Jared and shifts a bit until he’s on his stomach, chin resting on Jared’s chest. "I don’t. Normally I just stay in. One year I went to Mexico with Chris and well, let’s just say I don’t want a repeat of that ever again."
Jared laughs and flips them over so he’s looming over Jensen, hair tickling his forehead. "What do you say to us going away together? Just us and no one else."
"I’d like that, I think." He runs his hands up across Jared’s chest and over to his back, pulling him down. "Where would we go?"
"Anywhere."
"Is that so?" He tilts his head back, letting Jared have access to his neck.
"Pick a place and we’ll go, doesn’t matter where."
He loses track of the conversation as Jared slowly makes his way down, lips and tongue leaving a cool, fiery trail across his chest. When Jared wraps his lips around Jensen’s cock and sucks, he forgets anything but the slick heat of Jared’s mouth and the firm grip of hands on his hips.
*
Jared hadn’t come by for two weeks and his absence felt like someone had torn out a huge hole inside Jensen. As he made his weekly run to the grocery store, teeth chattering from the frigid December air, he saw Jared for the first time and it made his heart stutter. And he finally understood.
He turned the corner and spotted him. Jared was sitting on the small park bench set up outside the market, slouched over and his hands stuffed in his pockets. He didn’t question his presence there and quickly made his way over, sitting down next to Jared.
"So, I was kind of an asshole."
"You kind of were."
He leaned in a bit, settling his shoulder against Jared’s. "I’m sorry." He felt Jared shrug and leaned in some more, pulling his glove off and slipping his hand in alongside Jared’s. "I miss you."
Long fingers tangled with his and when Jared tilted his head slightly and rested it on Jensen’s shoulder, he knew he was forgiven.
*
It isn’t a surprise when Jared announces he has their trip all set up for spring break. What is a surprise is that right before they leave for the airport, Jared tells him to grab his passport.
"Excuse me?"
"Your passport, you’re going to need it."
Jensen blinks at him. "Why?"
Jared looks up and innocence really looks bad on him. "Oh, I didn’t tell you?"
"No, you most certainly did not. Where are we going?"
Instead of answering, Jared hands him an envelope. Jensen takes it and opens it, pulling out a small stack of papers. Right on top is a brochure extolling all the wonders of Florence. He frowns and when he finally gets it he has to sit down.
"Italy?"
Jared shrugs and stuffs his hand into the back pocket of his jeans. "Well, you said you wanted to go and isn’t Florence where they have all that art stuff?"
"Jared, this - This must have cost you a fortune, how?"
"It doesn’t matter. We’re going and you are going to out geek yourself beyond your wildest dreams."
He opens his mouth to protest some more but Jared shuts him up with a searing kiss and a gentle push out the door.
Jensen makes Jared run back into the apartment for his forgotten passport not even ten minutes later.
*
When Jared kissed him for the first time, it wasn’t like anything Jensen had ever expected. He’d been thinking about it and wondering when the perfect moment would come and how he could go about orchestrating things just right. He thought that maybe New Year’s would work, but then it sounded too cliché and he didn’t really want it to be in front of all his friends.
Chris and Danneel teased him mercilessly, demanding that Jared be brought along to the big end of year bash or else everyone was going to assume that Jensen’s boy was just imaginary. Jensen said he’d try and promised to at least take him to the cookout all his friends had every January second.
They were walking down the street, two days before New Year’s, linked hands stuffed in Jared’s pocket to keep warm. Jared, as usual, was just going on and on about the most random things. He liked to talk most about all the trips he and his brother liked to go on and Jensen was only slightly jealous of how much of the world Jared had seen.
It started snowing, a light flurry, and Jared giggled. He pulled away and flung his arms out, spinning slowly as he tried to catch the cold flakes on his tongue.
As he watched him, Jensen was hit with a sudden realization. This man, who was more like a child than adult and so full of life, had wiggled and wormed his way into Jensen’s heart and he wanted to spend the rest of his life with him.
So, yeah. He was pretty sure then that he was in love.
Jared caught him staring and smiled at him, wide and happy. He walked over to Jensen and leaned in close. "Hi."
"Hey." The dopey smile on his face must have been a giveaway.
"So," Jared slipped his hands into Jensen’s coat pockets and pulled him in, "you’re kinda hot. Smokin’ hot, to be honest."
Jensen huffed out a laugh. "Is that so?"
"Yeah and I’m pretty sure, like about only one hundred percent sure, that I’m completely in love with you." Jared’s face was soft and Jensen really, really wanted forever with him.
"You know, I think that maybe I feel the same." Jensen’s grin was muffled by Jared’s lips, just a soft press before he pulled back. "Okay, so I lied. Maybe I’m one hundred percent sure I feel the same way."
Jared laughed softly before pressing in again, lips soft and warm, cold nose pressing against his cheek and yeah. Forever sounded pretty damn awesome right about now.
*
Sometime towards the end of June, Jared starts pulling away. It makes no sense to Jensen and he doesn’t know what to do. It starts off slow, Jared saying he can’t meet up or calling at the last minute to cancel dates. And the amount of time he spends at Jensen’s apartment dwindles down to almost nothing.
For some reason, he starts thinking that he did something wrong and goes out of his mind trying to figure out what it was. Whenever he asks Jared, though, his concerns are pushed aside and he’s told not to worry.
It’s when Jared doesn’t call or show up for over a week that he can’t take it anymore and calls Danneel. She arrives at his apartment with a bucket of Ben & Jerry’s Chunky Monkey and a bottle of Absolute .
She lets him just talk it out, nodding occasionally and making sure he doesn’t drink all of the liquor at once. When he’s done, she asks him questions so they can work out what went wrong and where. Just as Jensen’s about to throw his still full carton of ice cream at the wall in frustration, Danneel makes a soft inquisitive noise.
"Jensen, what did you say his last name was?"
"What?"
Danneel’s walking over to his computer, "His last name, what is it?"
"Jared’s?"
"Yes, silly." She sits down and wiggles the mouse, waiting as the computer wakes up.
"Um, Padalecki? Yeah, that’s it." All he can hear is the clacking of the keyboard as she types, so he stands up to peer over her head. "What are you doing?"
"Looking him up, something about his last name…Aha! I knew it, look!" She points to the screen and he bends over, squinting at it. "The Padaleckis are the founders of the university. Back in like…1850 or so. It started as a small school and over the years it became what it is today. Oh look, family picture."
The picture she indicates is small, but there’s something about it that chills him to his core.
Jensen gently pushes the chair aside and drops to his knees, his hand trembling as he clicks on the picture, waiting for the larger version to load. It’s takes a minute or two and then he has to swallow hard to keep the bile gathering in his throat from coming up. The picture is of a family sitting in front of their home, pets gathered around them. They’re obviously people of money and from the smiles on their faces, happy. But what really grabs his attention is the young man sitting on the grass in front of his mom, one leg pulled up and the other bent slightly on the ground.
He wants to believe it’s just really uncanny family resemblance, like how people used to tell him that he was the spitting image of his granddaddy. Something inside seems to just fall apart when he scrolls down and sees the names printed neatly, black ink fading, in a familiar script, the loops and swirls of the letters taunting him.
*
When Jensen had asked Jared about his family a look had crossed over his face that Jensen couldn’t name. They were sitting on the green, enjoying the warm breeze, hands tangled in the grass. After Jared didn’t answer, Jensen tugged on his hand and asked again.
"There’s nothing to say. I have a mom, dad, older brother and younger sister. Okay?"
"What’s your problem? I just wanted to know."
Jared sat up and pulled his hand out of Jensen’s hold. "Why? What’s the big deal?"
"They’re your family? I mean, if you don’t want me to meet them, fine. I just, I wanted to know." He sat up and placed a hand on Jared’s back and tried not to flinch when Jared shrugged it off.
"Look, just stop prying."
Jensen stared at him aghast. "Prying? Is that - Well, I’m sorry. I just wanted to know a little about my boyfriend. Is that so much to ask?"
"Just because you don’t have a family doesn’t mean -"
Jensen didn’t give him a chance to finish. He pushed him down and gave him a swift punch to the jaw. "Don’t you ever use my family against me."
Jared was still splayed on the grass when Jensen gathered his bag and books, leaving without having said another word.
*
Danneel’s the one that finds the address for him. She only questions him once but when he chokes on his answer she just sighs and hands the paper over. "It’s about five hours from here. Just, are you sure you’re okay going alone?"
"I have to, you understand that, right?"
"Yeah, I do. Be careful, okay? And call me?"
Jensen nods and gets in his car. In the passenger seat is a folder with printed out pictures of Jared and his family. He’s not letting himself think about that too much, at least not yet. The address is propped up on his dash, right in front of the steering wheel and he quickly puts the information into his phone’s navigation program.
Danneel waves from the driveway of her house and as he watches her get smaller and smaller in his rearview mirror, he hopes to finally get some answers.
*
"Jensen, I’m sorry. Please. I’m so sorry." Jared knocked again, loud enough to bother Jensen but not loud enough to disturb his neighbors. "Please let me in. Please."
Jensen was standing by the door and had been for the past hour, listening to Jared beg and say sorry over and over. He wanted to let him in, but remembering how Jared had mentioned his family in such a dismissive manner hurt.
When no noise came from the door after a few minutes, Jensen slumped down in weary relief. He went to step away but stopped when he heard a soft rustling noise at the door. He turned back and saw a piece of paper being pushed through the bottom of the door. Without thought he picked it up, straightening it out againts his thigh.
On it was Jared’s soft cursive, the flowery script that reminded him of papers from great artists of ages ago.
I love you - Can you ever forgive me? I’ll do anything.
It wasn’t a hard decision, in the end, to open the door. Jared was standing with a crumpled bouquet of wildflowers in his hand and the look in his eyes had Jensen forgiving him on the spot.
"Tell me about your family."
*
When he pulls up to the house, it’s a bit of a shock to see it painted a pale blue. The trim is yellow and there are flower boxes in every window, blooms of every color cascading down the sides of each. As he gets out a woman steps out of the house, wiping her hands on a dish towel.
"Can I help you?" She steps out into the light and Jensen feels his knees go weak when he gets a good look at her.
"I’m looking for Jared, is he home?"
Her eyes widen for a moment and then she turns, stepping into the house and calling out Jared’s name at the top of her lungs. Even from outside he can hear thundering footsteps and a moment later Jared is standing there, staring at Jensen with wide eyes and a pale face.
"Jensen!" He scrambles down the porch steps and quickly walks up to Jensen. "What are you doing here? I thought - You’re not supposed - What?"
Jensen would find it funny he if wasn’t so damn angry. "You selfish son of a bitch." And before he can think about he punches Jared, square in the jaw, for the second time.
Someone shouts Jared’s name and there’s a pair of arms pulling Jensen away. "Stop, dad, let him go."
"Son, he punched you." The voice is attached to the arms holding him back.
"Yeah and I deserved it. Let him go."
Jensen’s let go and he takes a couple steps back. The family gathered in front of him is exactly like the picture that’s sitting in the passenger seat. He staggers back some more and finally hits the side of his car.
"You’re all - Oh my God."
"Jensen, I’m sorry. I never - I’m sorry." Jared looks crushed, his eyes are puffy and red as if he’s been crying for some while now.
"How?"
"Jared, son, I think you need to head inside. Let me speak to him." Jared’s father doesn’t wait for a reply, quickly ushering his family away and up the stairs, back into the house. He turns to Jensen and heaves a great sigh. "This isn’t easy, for any of us. But Jared, he’s always been the type to hand over his heart at the drop of a hat. He just never expected you to do the same."
"I’m sorry?"
"Come with me, I want to show you something." He turns and starts walking, not waiting for Jensen.
It takes him a moment but he moves quickly and is soon walking alongside the man. "Where are we going?"
"I’m going to explain everything, but you have to see to understand."
"Okay."
Their walk is quiet, serene, and Jensen takes a moment to appreciate the tranquility of the forest around them. "Um, sir? How -," he has to swallow and clear his suddenly dry throat, "How old is Jared?"
The man laughs, a deep booming sound that echoes Jared’s and stops for a moment, extending his hand. "Call me Gerry. And Jared? You’ll have to ask him yourself."
He watches Gerry, the way he moves with ease around fallen trees and slippery patches of dead leaves. Jared’s father moves easily, as if he’s been doing this all his life. And, if what from what he’s gathered about Jared is true, that means he’s been doing this a lot longer than Jensen can imagine.
They finally reach a clearing and Gerry extends an arm. "This is our family tree. Been a part of us since we settled here."
The tree is large, powerful, thick branches reaching up and out, spanning over the entire clearing. At the base of its thick trunk is a small spring, bubbling up from some unseen source.
Instantly he connects it to the tree and spring carved on his semi-e case. And he can see why Jared chose this image, this majestic scene, to carve into the wood. It was his way of giving Jensen a part of himself.
Gerry settles down on a patch of grass and gently taps the ground next to him, indicating that Jensen sit as well. He does so, drawing up his legs and wrapping his arms around his knees. When he speaks, Gerry’s voice is low, soothing.
"You see, we came here and settled down; intending to stay only for a short while. Then we discovered how great the land is and decided to stay. Jeff, my oldest, is the one that discovered the tree and the water. We thought nothing of it, kept using it when our well was dry or frozen. One day when we were working the fields, Jared slipped and fell, bashing his head real bad against a large stone. I thought he was dead, pulse had stopped and he wasn’t breathing. But, a moment later he got right back up, as if nothing had happened."
He paused, pulling a long blade of grass out of the ground and folding it in his hand. "Took us a while, but when the horse didn’t age and neither did the cat, we figured it out. Scared as you can imagine we were, especially Sherri."
"So you decided to just stay here?"
"We did, used what money we had saved up and the crop that we’d planted to buy out the land. It was cheap, no one wanted anything near here at the time. Over the next few years we bought as much of the surrounding lands as well, to keep ourselves safe."
Jensen sighed and rested his chin on his folded arms. "What about, Jared and his brother and sister. Did they ever, I mean. Have they married or anything?"
Gerry grinned and shook his head. "Jeff has, boy found himself a good woman and when he explained about us, she just asked for directions to the spring. Good head on her shoulders that one. And Megan, she’s not ready to settle down, or so she says. She’s especially enjoying being a young woman in this time period."
"And Jared?"
"He’s had a total of two relationships. One, before all this happened, to a young lady named Sandy. Tiny, sweet little thing. Her parents were keen on arranging a marriage with us. Jared was head over heels for that girl."
Something in his tone sends chills down Jensen’s spine and he straightens a bit. "What happened?"
"She had been -," Gerry clears his throat and squeezes his eyes tightly shut for a moment, "She was on her way back from visiting family and the wedding was set for the following weekend. Never made it back home though. The wagon she was traveling in was caught in a bad flood when passing a bridge two towns over. Rescue group found her down river, three days later."
"Jesus."
"Jared took it bad, took him a long while to get over it."
"But, he did. You said he had two relationships."
"He did, about thirty something years ago. Young man, bright and full of wonder and hope for the world. They got along like two peas in a pod. At one point Jared told him about us and he’d hoped the boy would pick him over everything."
"He didn’t."
"No, he stayed with Jared for only a few years after that."
"What happened?"
"Left, it bothered him that he was aging while Jared wasn’t." Gerry leans close, catching Jensen’s eyes. "You have to make that same decision young man. It’s a choice that will, very literally, stay with you forever."
With that Gerry gets up and heads back towards the house.
Jensen turns to look at the bubbling spring and lets the warmth of the sun fall over him. For a moment, just a small moment, he considers how insane this all sounds. Actually thinks about getting up leaving Jared behind. Then he remembers.
And he knows that from the moment they first met, there really was no other choice for him.
*
Jared looked confused, his eyes squinted and nose scrunched up. "Um, Jensen?"
"Surprise?" Jensen tried to contain his blush but couldn’t, he could feel his face burning up in the gentle candlelight.
"What is this?"
"Our anniversary, it’s been six months Jared."
"Oh."
A cold lump fell to the bottom of Jensen’s gut. "You forgot."
"No, I just," now it was Jared’s turn to blush, his cheeks stained a soft pink, "I was going to surprise you, too. Tomorrow, at your favorite restaurant."
Jensen laughed and walked over to Jared, slipped right up into his space. "So, basically we’re a bunch of overly romantic girls."
"Yeah, but," Jared pulled him in, arms wrapping tight and low on Jensen’s waist, "I wouldn’t have it any other way."
*
Jared’s sitting on the bottom step when Jensen walks back out to the house. His head is hanging low and his shoulders are a tight line. When he hears Jensen approaching he looks up and smiles softly. There’s a look of resignation on his face, as if he knows exactly what to expect.
Jensen smiles at him and kneels down in front of him. Without a word he leans forward and catches Jared’s lips in a kiss. He licks at Jared’s bottom lip and when his mouth parts, he surges, deepening the kiss and sharing the small bit of cool spring water still in his mouth. Jared moans in surprise and pulls back, staring at him with so much wary hope that Jensen’s heart breaks.
"How old are you?" Jared blinks and shakes his head, like he doesn’t understand. "I asked, how old are you, Jared?"
"I’m about," he licks his lips, fingers slowly curling over Jensen’s wrists where they rest on his thighs, "I think, two hundred and something? I lost count a century ago."
He laughs, a deep aching laugh that pulls at his stomach and has him gasping for air. "No, Jared. How old are you?"
Jared blinks at him for a moment and then smiles, that same wide, blinding smile that had knocked Jensen stupid so many months ago. "I’m twenty-two. You?"
"Twenty-five."
"I think, my dear sir, that we are just meant to be."
Jensen laughs as Jared licks at his neck, fingers digging gently into his ribs and tickling him relentlessly. He manages to gasp out a stop! between breaths and quickly grabs hold of Jared’s hands. "What do you say, we go back to my place? We can have a bit more privacy there than in your family home."
"And after that Jensen?"
"After that? The world."
*
The first time they had sex it was fast and rushed and so hot, that Jensen barely remembered it the next morning. What he did remember was burning skin pressed against his, fingers trailing fire all over his body, lips that whispered soft, worshipful words against his hip, his neck, his thigh.
When Jared had woken up, he’d stretched and immediately rolled Jensen over, greeting him with a soft happy smile. Being kissed right after waking up and sharing morning breath wasn’t anywhere near as romantic as they showed in the movies, but with Jared’s hand smoothing down his chest, Jensen didn’t mind at all.
Jensen smiled up at him and couldn’t help but say, "I want forever with you."
Jared’s smile slipped only a little and his reply had been a whispered, "I’d give you forever if I could."
*
They stumble into the apartment, hands pulling at clothes and lips on whatever spot of skin they can find. Jensen barely manages to shut the door before Jared’s pulling him to the bedroom, clothes falling in their wake.
He’s on the bed before he can so much as blink and Jared’s right there, on top of him, and wow. Yeah. His boyfriend’s all kinds of hot.
It’s been about five months since the first time and they’ve done all kinds of things together since then. But, for some reason, this feels like the first time.
Jared touches him and wherever his fingers land Jensen’s body burns up, skin sparking with desire. He makes sure to keep it slow, soft. He wants to remember every detail tomorrow and every tomorrow for the rest of their forever.
Jensen arches his back as Jared slips a finger into him, kissing him gently as he opens Jensen up. One finger becomes two, then three and he’s begging for more soon enough. Jared goes to pull on a condom but Jensen stops him. They look at each other for a moment and then Jared’s eyes widen just slightly in understanding. He nods and tosses the foil package to the side.
Having Jared lean over him, moving his legs so he can push in, is something that Jensen will never get over. It sends all kinds of signals rushing through his nerves and when Jared starts moving, he curls his legs around Jared’s waist and pulls him closer.
Moving together like this is the most intimate things that Jensen can imagine and they soon find a rhythm. Jared pulls out and as he’s pushing back in, Jensen rolls his hips up and uses his legs to pull him in deeper. His hands roam all over Jared’s body, fingers memorizing the smooth planes of muscle and skin moving above him.
Forever. He gets to have this forever and the thought has him gasping, so close to the edge.
Jared leans down and licks at his mouth, nose nudging his and air being traded back and forth between them. Jensen wraps his arm tight around Jared’s back, pulling him down and closer. It’s slightly uncomfortable for him, but having Jared sliding against him, mouthing at his neck is more than worth it.
"Jensen, Jensen, so close." Jared’s voice is wrecked, scratchy and hoarse as if he’s been screaming from hours. His hands slip under Jensen’s back and settle around his shoulders, fingers digging into his skin and pulling him up slightly.
They keep moving, rhythm faltering and gathering speed. Jensen gasps for air, lips brushing against Jared’s temple and he’s so close, so very close. He drags one hand up Jared’s back and curls his fingers tight into his hair, turning his head slightly so they can kiss. His other hand trails down Jared’s spine and dips into his ass, finger teasing lightly at Jared’s hole. Jared gasps, muscles bunching under Jensen’s hand.
He kisses Jared and pulls away only slightly to whisper, "I’m yours forever."
With those words Jared comes, limbs locking and hips stuttering slightly. Jensen feels a gentle warmth fill him and when he hears Jared echoing his words he arches his back, tips his head to the side and lets the stinging pleasure that’s been building up in his body take over.
A few minutes later, they’re still wrapped tight around each other and Jensen never wants to let go.
So yeah, when he thinks back to that blurry Thursday in September he forgets to think about why he was running late to class or why he almost had a panic attack when Jared started talking to him. What he does remember is the feeling of his world tilting on its axis when Jared took his hand claimed that they were going to be friends for life.
|The End|