In the Writers' Room
Characters: Ensemble
Rating: PG-13 for language
Words: 895
Summary: We all have our own hopes and speculations, but what do the heroes want for season three?
A/N: This is my first attempt at crack. It's pretty bad, but that just means I have lots of room for improvement, right?
Sylar: Why are we even discussing this? Didn’t you see the end of Powerless? The thing’s called 'Villains.' Obviously, it’s all about me.
Mohinder: You think everything’s all about you.
Sylar: What’s your point?
Hiro: There is another villain, but you two are always too busy staring at one another to notice anything else.
Sylar: Who? Let me at him! I will brook no competition!
Hiro: A guy named Adam. Just like you get to have Mohinder as the good guy foil to your evil, I am the good guy to Adam.
Peter: Oh HALE no, Adam’s mine, and you know it. Your little thing happened 300 years ago, Nakamura. Old news.
Hiro: He likes me better. I was more than a friend to him.
Peter: He dresses me and takes care of me.
Claire: I thought that was Nathan’s job.
Peter: Yeah, but Nathan’s in a precarious position right now.
Hiro: Not Flying Man!? We must save him!
Ando: Great. Now the two of you will have all the comic banter, and I’ll be left reading scrolls again.
Hiro: Stop whining. You know we’re BFFs. I was just… distracted.
Matt: Don’t worry Ando. I’ll keep Nathan busy. That is, when I’m not with Mohinder. (makes schmoopy eyes at Mo)
Sylar: Back off, Parkman!
Matt: But we’re raising a child together! It’s cute and domestic!
Sylar: (ignoring Matt) Hey Mohinder, why don’t we team up to take down the company? We can take another road trip.
Matt: Um, he just got back from a completely unnecessary world tour. You’re all traveled out, aren’t you Mohinder? We need to resolidify our happy little family.
Molly: Uh, you guys leave me alone with babysitters who let serial killers into the house. I mean, really. For season three, I want to go live with the Bennets. At least Claire’s dad makes sure she stays safe.
Claire: The grass is always greener…
Maya: What about me?
Sylar: Shut the fuck up, Maya, or I’ll shoot you again.
Elle: I don’t have any friends, Maya. I thought Mohinder might be, but now that Sylar’s back… Matt isn’t the only one who’s disappointed.
Maya: Yeah, I tried feeling Mohinder up, but he seemed distracted…
Elle: It’s a common scenario. Anyway, wanna be my friend? We could be super-the-coolest murder team. Plus, we’re both real pretty.
Maya: You sort of scare me, but ok.
Peter: I thought you liked me.
Elle: Umm, that would be before the sexual manipulation.
Maya: (beams at Elle) Oh! We do have things in common! Yes, we will be friends. (glares at Sylar, who doesn’t notice because he’s busy staring at Mohinder)
Claire: Can I come with you? We could be like Charlie’s Angels.
A Voice From Under the Table: Wait! You haven't decided what to do with me!
Matt: What the hell is that? Is that Charlie?
Bob: No, it’s Adam. In a box. I have decided to keep him hidden. Since no one here except for myself, Elle, Peter, and Hiro knows what he looks like, Adam can come out sometime and have sexy slash with any character! He’s really quite amazingly attractive.
Claire: (pouts) Why are all the cute boys reserved for slash? Why can’t I get one?
Bennet: Cause I’ll shoot any bastard who touches you.
Claire: Shooting people. How… novel. I am so over the whole ‘Bennet protects Claire’ thing. Also? Don’t you think it’s time for you to get contacts?
Sylar: Speaking of which, while we have Claire here, can we get a transfusion of Magical Healing Blood to fix Mohinder’s nose? I’m getting sick of the bandage.
Mohinder: (pats his nose) No, I like it. I think it makes me look badass.
Bennet: No, it makes you look like got hit in the face. By a girl.
Micah: (cries at this reminder of his mother) I’m an orphan now.
Sylar: Peter, you’re supposed to be so empathetic. Why don’t you figure out what to do with the orphan? Don’t let him rot in that dull New Orleans storyline. His cousin is nice, but… meh.
Micah: Can I go live with Molly at the Bennet’s?
Lyle: (sighs) With four kids in the house, no one will remember me for sure. I hate my life.
Claire: Shut up, Lyle.
Mohinder: Why don’t you come live with me? I’ll never have to worry about Sylar offing you. We can be clueless and loved by a small but passionate subsection of the fandom together.
Lyle: Live with you in New York City? Cool! (turns to Bennet) Can I?
Bennet: Who are you?
Lyle: Your son!
Bennet: Oh. Right. I forgot. Sure, whatever you want. Anyway, Peter, what about you?
Peter: Someone needs to think of a way to keep me and my thousand powers from running the plot into the ground.
Bennet: That’s a tough job…
Adam’s Voice: I will not be ignored! Let me out of this box!
Matt: (speaking to the box) They’re ignoring me, too. Let’s get out of here and go break up Sydney and Vaughn; you get Sydney, and I'll take Vaughn. It'll be like the old days, but better.
Molly: No! I think Adam should hang out with Mohinder. Their fake accents would be cute together.
Sylar: (whirls around to Mohinder) Your accent is fake?
Mohinder: (looks sheepish) Ummm…
Sylar: Our love is a lie!
Mohinder: Oh that’s rich, coming from you, ‘Zane’.
Sylar: I love it when you bitchface at me.
Ensemble: (eye roll)