Title: The Fire of the Sun
Author: audreyii_fic
Fandom: Twilight (Team Jacob)
Rating: T
Characters: Full cast (Jacob/Bella, Sam/Emily)
Genre: Romance/Angst/Wolfpack!Humor
Warnings: Language, violence, and references to adult behavior.
See here for more details.
banner courtesy of
untilwebleedoz Summary:
Sequel to
The Movement of the Earth. Bella finds the cost of joining the supernatural world may be higher than she can pay. (
Click here to start from the beginning.)
Chapter Thirteen:
brown eyes i'll hold you near / you're the only sound i want to hear / a melody softly soaring through this atmosphereCatie Curtis, "Soul Meets Body"
13. Isle Esme
(Bella)
Jacob. Jacob. Jacob.
I closed my eyes against the sunlight streaming through the open windows and burrowed beneath the down comforter. Despite the tropical breeze wafting through the bedroom, I needed the warmth.
I had thought I learned cold during the weeks Jacob refused to touch me.
I was wrong.
Jacob. Jacob. Jacob.
I knew he couldn't hear me, couldn't feel me, had no way of knowing that I shivered with the freeze of his absence. It didn't stop me from silently begging. Some people prayed when they reached the ragged cliff's edge of hope. I chanted Jacob's name as an incantation against further erosion.
Jacob. Jacob. Jacob.
At last I reluctantly surrendered to the truth: I was awake. I might as well give in.
My head spun as I sat up in bed; I pulled my yoga pants on, though I wasn't sure why I bothered. After all, there was only Alice and me on this… was it an island? I looked out the window, trying to focus, and I saw blue ocean licking at pure white sand. I was pretty sure it was an island. I hadn't walked its circumference, though, so I had no way of knowing for sure.
Or had I? I'd been here for... a while... maybe I had gone walking with Alice one day...
Frowning, I tried to dredge up a memory, or any sense at all of how long I had been held prisoner in this paradise of a house. It was no use. The drugs Alice injected me with regularly had wiped away my sense of time.
Jacob. Jacob. Jacob.
There was my parka, which Alice had seen I would need, although she hadn't known why. I pulled it on and zipped it up. The large digital clock on the dresser displayed the temperature: ninety-two degrees Fahrenheit. I smiled without any humor and turned to drift down the stairs. My bones felt like Jell-O, but my muscles were stiff with cold.
In the kitchen, I found Alice, dressed only in a royal-blue bikini and wielding a spatula over a family-sized griddle. "Good morning!" she chirped. "I saw that you were going to be starving so I made you a salmon omelet!"
Peering into the griddle, I saw enough food to feed a family of ten. I forced my thickened tongue to move and protested, "Alice, there's got to be at least a dozen eggs in there."
"Two, actually!" She pulled out a china platter and began heaping the eggs onto it.
"I'm not hungry." Her eyes fastened on me, wide and uncomprehending, and guilt crept through my foggy brain. Poor Alice. She was doing her best; the very least I could do was be grateful. "I'm sorry."
"That's all right!" She set the platter before me with a thud. "Just eat as much as you can."
I picked up my fork and began poking the food with it. This much I remembered from the previous days of our impromptu vacation: Alice didn't know enough about eating to realize I wasn't actually transferring the food to my mouth and then swallowing. I wasn't being deliberately rebellious, but I possessed little to no appetite anymore.
"I have so many plans for us today, Bella. It's going to be wonderful. First we're going to go online and look at the latest summer styles-I'll order whatever catches your eye, of course-and then we'll go-oh would you look at that, the way the sun's shining through that cloud looks just like this picture in a children's book I once-oh, speaking of books, if you'd like any be sure to let me know because they can be delivered, it's no trouble, and I know how much you enjoy the classics-I swear it's just ridiculous how the sand piles up in here, like the beach is trying to take the house back for itself-and then we can try on bikinis, I saw that you wouldn't like most of them but there were a few that you seemed undecided about so I'll show you what I found-"
Watching her blearily, I stirred the eggs. She flitted from corner to corner, wringing her hands and never really meeting my eyes as she babbled. "We should definitely go swimming, the water will be perfect today-"
Once again, I found it in me to interrupt. "I can't swim, Alice. The cast. Remember?"
"The cast of what show, Bella? Do you want me to get some movies for you?"
I held up the hand that didn't grasp my fork. "The cast on my hand, Alice. I can't swim with it on." The itching was terrible, and my fingers were beginning to throb in an entirely new way. My appointment to have the plaster removed had been for the day after prom; I knew I had missed it.
Prom.
Jacob. Jacob. Jacob.
I suspected that if my mind wasn't full of cotton, I would be screaming his name.
"Oh, I see." Alice smiled, and patted my cheek fondly; her already-rapid blinking increased its pace. I knew, because Edward had told me once, that vampires had to remember to do things like blink so they could fit in among humans. Alice seemed to be remembering… too much.
She felt wrong. I felt wrong. I felt my skin crawl where she had touched me, where only one hand was supposed to…
"I wanna go home," I heard myself begging before I knew I was going to say the words. "Please, Alice, I wanna go home-"
"Oh, Bella." Alice came to an unnaturally total stop and stared at me in reproach. "We've been over this before."
I felt bad for not having more fun when she'd gone to all this trouble, but then the Jacob call grew stronger and pushed Alice's dazzling effect aside. The more I thought about him, the stranger she looked to my eyes. "Just let me call someone," I said thickly, "and let them know I'm okay."
"Even satellite phones can be traced, Bella." For an instant, the odd, disorganized behavior she'd been displaying faded into a more normal interaction. "I'm so sorry, but it's just too dangerous. We're doing this for you."
"Why?" I wanted to be more forceful, but the words left my throat in a slightly whiny drawl. I couldn't think… "What are you protecting me from?"
"Something too terrible for Edward to survive. He told you what would happen if anything ever hurt you, Bella. You wouldn't want to be responsible for his death just because you wouldn't cooperate with a little protection, would you?"
"Of course not," I replied automatically, but the part of me that pleaded for my best friend growled. That part, suffocated though it was, thought it would be a very good idea if Edward died because it would be one less thing that stood between me and my real mate.
"Good." Alice's expression cleared again. "Now, why don't you just relax and enjoy our little girls' getaway? This is fun!"
I wanted to be afraid-I wanted to be panicking-but the injections wouldn't allow it.
All I could do was shiver.
***
We did go swimming near dusk. Well, Alice swam and I sat on the beach with a wire hanger unwound so I could scratch underneath my cast. It itched so badly I wanted to rip it off with my teeth. My bones had to be healed by now; maybe I could ask Alice to tear it open?
It was warm enough where I could finally take off my parka. I surveyed the ripped sleeve with a rueful smile. Probably I'd destroyed a three thousand dollar article of clothing to accommodate a cast I didn't even need anymore, and Alice hadn't batted an eyelash.
Past the drop-off, Alice's glittering form twisted in and out of the water. One moment she leapt yards above their crests, the next I spied the rainbows that indicated her undulating deep below the surface. She was nude. When I'd asked her about the bikinis she'd mentioned, she muttered something about not wanting to get it messy. I supposed salt water was damaging to fabric, even designer fabric-
And then she shot out of the water in a predatory crouch, landing with a surprisingly big splash given her miniscule figure. The splash was followed by waves, and pink foam, and a high-pitched sound and something desperately thrashing-
A dart of horror cut through my drugged apathy, and I rose to my feet. "Alice!" I shouted, or at least tried to.
What had happened to her?
The next few seconds seemed to tick by like hours as I tried to breathe and watched for the vision of glittering diamonds that would tell me Alice was okay, that I wasn't left alone on this island where no one knew my location and without a way to escape. But after another minute, Alice walked up onto the beach, looking completely unconcerned, as though she'd simply been playing a game.
She shot me a cheerful grin. Thick, clotted blood oozed from between her teeth.
I wasn't capable of moving as quickly as I wanted, but I managed to achieve a brisk walk as I stumbled back across the sand to the house.
Jacob. Jacob. Jacob.
Alice beat me there, of course. She even put on a robe before I crossed the threshold, though I never saw her pass me. I came to a wavering halt at the sight of her standing in the middle of the living room, delicate brows furrowed in confusion. "Bella, what's wrong?" Her chin was still dripping crimson.
My entire body shook with cold and shock. My sense of smell was in no way suppressed by the drugs, and my stomach roiled as the scent of salted iron filled my nose and mouth. I felt like I'd been the one drinking blood. I couldn't imagine anything more terrible.
"What do you see now," I asked, my teeth chattering, "with my future? I-I know you used to s-see… You said... you said once that you saw me as one of you. Is that still possible? Do you still see it?"
Did she see a future with blood between my teeth, gore running down my face?
The thought made me want to vomit.
Alice's eyes glazed over in that way that meant she was flipping through alternate futures, searching for pictures of what may be. After a long pause, during which my heart pounded in my throat, she said in mournful tones, "No. No, I don't, Bella. I'm so sorry."
All the breath left my lungs in a whoosh of relief. "Thank goodness."
"But it could still change!" she hastened to remind me, as if I had been upset. "If you change your mind, the future can still be altered. Nothing's set in stone, Bella, nothing at all."
Everything inside me shouted No! at that thought, and I replied automatically, "I could never do that." I felt the truth of the words I spoke them. "I couldn't, Alice. " For a moment I was subsumed by a memory of Jacob, and the way he always kissed my pulse; I was so cold without him.
If I changed, I would be cold forever.
Not to mention poor Charlie, so hurt by my keeping secrets from him-how would my keeping him in the dark about that affect him? And Renee, who expected me to come visit her in the summer, and Angela, who'd made sure I had a backpack full of condoms before my first time, and Jessica, who'd loaned me a shirt, and…
No. Never. I could never do that to my family and friends. I could never repay their love with that sort of abandonment. "Not ever." I couldn't break Jacob's heart like that. "I thought it was what I wanted, but... I like being warm, Alice." I looked at her chin again and felt the bile rise in my throat. "And I hate blood."
Alice's eyes, if possible, grew even wider. Her slender mouth curved downward with grief. "But, Bella, I know you could still love Edward. You just have to want to. And with that, anything is possible, I promise. You could still be with us forever. You could be my sister. We would all be so happy." Suddenly, the frown turned into a broad smile, and she hopped up and down, clasping her hands in evident delight. "I know! Why don't I just change you right now? It's perfect, Bella! We're away from everything and everyone here on Isle Esme. There's no danger. It'd be over in a few days, Edward would be upset but then he'd be so happy, and those scars all over your hand would go away and…oh, Bella, it would be wonderful."
My heart started thrumming with new fear. "I…" I tried to speak, but my mouth had gone too dry to form words; instead I tried to edge back as subtly as possible. "I, um, thank you for the offer, but…" My heel hit a wall, and I jumped involuntarily with shock. "I really don't want that, Alice."
Her eyes narrowed.
I hastily added, "I mean, I don't want that yet. Just, uh, give me time. I need more time."
What if she changed me without my asking?
Her shoulders slumped. "Fine. But don't think I-" She dropped off mid-sentence and stared, slightly slack-jawed, into the middle distance. She was having a vision.
Whatever it was didn't take long. When, a few seconds later, she focused on me, I asked, "What's going on?"
With a wave of her hand, she dismissed the question. "Oh, nothing. I just thought I saw Jazz for a moment there, but sometimes that happens. No big deal."
Seizing the opportunity to distract her from the extremely scary notion of turning me without having technically gained my permission, I asked, "Don't you miss Jasper?"
Her expression warmed into something very human: love. "Of course I do. I was so alone before he found me. James killed the one who changed me, you know, so I had to find my own way. I didn't have anyone until he finally walked through the door of the diner where I'd been looking for him." She smiled softly, remembering it. "I said, 'You kept me waiting long enough.' And, like a good Southern gentleman, he answered, 'I'm sorry, ma'am.'"
"When was that?" I prompted. I wanted her to continue in this nice, safe line of conversation for as long as possible.
"Oh, in the 1950s. I don't remember what year exactly."
I frowned at that. Didn't all vampires have perfect recall? "So… you were by yourself for decades before he found you?"
Nodding, Alice looked at her bare feet. "Yes. Seeing the visions of the Cullens gave me hope, and I taught myself how to avoid feeding on humans. But it was just me."
I thought of Emily, all by herself in that cabin, waiting at the table for Sam to return. I thought of how excited she had been when I started coming by, and how she had made me sandwiches with the crusts cut off. I thought of Alice and the plate of two dozen scrambled eggs.
It couldn't be good, to be so alone.
Alice perked up, then. "But, having Jazz and the rest of the family has made me forget about how awful that time was. I really hardly think about it at all. Sometimes it's like it never happened."
In that moment, I saw a chance to persuade her. Perhaps I could make her understand. "Alice, the way you feel about them? That's the way I feel about Jacob." Sort of. Actually there were a lot of differences, but I was looking for common ground here. "Can't you see? The way you're tied to Jasper-that's the way I'm tied to Jacob. Only even more so because of the imprint stuff." My cheeks felt wet. For a terrifying moment I thought I might be covered in blood, that I might already be a vampire, but then I realized it was just tears. "Please, please, please, Alice, just let me go home to him. I'm begging you."
Slowly, she shook her head. "I'm sorry, Bella. It's simply too dangerous."
My head had been slowly clearing during the course of the day, and now my thoughts raced with speculation. "If it's too dangerous for me, does that mean it's too dangerous for my friends? For my family?"
"Oh, there's no reason to concern yourself with that. The important thing is that you're safe."
Panic began to close in, like my ribs were being crushed in a vice. Oh God, what was happening to them all? And what were Jacob and Charlie thinking of me being gone? Did they think I was dead? If I couldn't feel Jacob, that meant he couldn't feel me, so he'd have no reassurance that I hadn't been killed. If he thought I was dead, he'd- "Alice, please, I'm begging you, take me back to Forks, I need Jacob, Jacob needs me, I want to go home-"
A sudden sting made me smack my palm to the side of my neck. Turning, I saw Alice pulling back a syringe, tortured guilt playing across the porcelain features. "I'm sorry, Bella, but it's not healthy for you to be so upset. Come now. Let's go to bed."
I tried to take a step, but my knees gave out. Before I collapsed, Alice caught me and raced up the stairs to my bedroom, laying me on the mattress with tender care. "Goodnight, Bella." She turned off the light on her way out the door.
My parka was still out on the beach, so I fumbled at the edges of the comforter until I could pull it around my shoulders; it did nothing to protect me from the cold that my own body created. Under the stupor of whatever was in those damned shots, my thoughts pulsed in a sluggish fashion. I couldn't be upset. I couldn't think.
I turned to my side and looked out the open window, past the fluttering curtains. On the beach, pushed ashore by the crashing sapphire waves, the bloodless corpse of a dolphin rocked slowly back and forth against the sand.
Would this have been my life, if Edward had given in to my pleas the previous fall? Spending weeks on Isle Esme? Shopping online with Alice and getting a closetful of bikinis I didn't want? Fighting dolphins in the seas until my hunger was slated and I licked that iron saltiness from my lips?
Having no friends, no father or mother, only the Cullens and memories of what it had been like to be alive?
Jacob. Jacob. Jacob.
I sobbed his name until I fell asleep with it still on my lips.
***
Chapter Fourteen:
Used Sanity Update, Mera Edition: After over a year of writing in mostly Bella FPOV, I no longer know what is Bellavoice and what is myvoice. I definitely don't want to know what that says about me. (Audrey: I've developed whole new subsections of my consciousness to keep myself from asking that very question.)