Destruction Where You Stand - chapter six

[auberus]

Chapter Six: And All Their Sorrows in Your Face

“Pos de chantar m'es prez talentz
Farai un vers don sui dolenz:
Mais non serai obedienz
En Peitau ni en Lemozi.

Qu'era m'en irai en eisil
En gran paor, en grand peril,
En guerra laissarai mon fil
E faran li mal siei vezi”
    -Guillaume IX, Duke of Aquitaine

The shriek of the Manor's alarms tearing

Comments

[tortadicarote]

Wow, you for a few moment stole my breath! I love the suspence, good, very good work!

[auberus]

thank you so much!

[oz_the_bobble]

I'm still loving this... SO good. Just one thing... and I'm being so picky... but 'He'd taken on six trainees from that particular Hogwarts class. Now one is dead; a second is on the run, framed for the murder of the first. Two more have been tortured into insanity. The three still living are nearly as battle-weary as Moody himself.' Doesn't that make seven people?

Anyway, keep up the good work!

[auberus]

oh wow - thank you. i cannot do math. (goes to fix)

[restrainedchaos]

Um, I spotted a bit of a problem with that paragraph as well - didn't Remus say that Frank was a year ahead of him and Alice was a year behind?

Also, Totalis should be Totalus to be canon-compliant.

Again, though, great stuff! Crouch is driving me batty, just like Rowling's version of him does.

[auberus]

thanks much. i've been sleeping all of three hours a night, and am as a consequence missing the little things. argh!

[aquila_star]

Moody kicks ASS!!! And Crouch is....well, there are no words. I am really liking this series, it's very intriguing. :D

[auberus]

thanks so much. i'm putting a lot of time into it, so the feedback makes me most gleeful. glad you like moody -- he's definitely one of my favorites as well.

[aquila_star]

Oh, it's obvious the time out into it...it's really well done. And yeah, Moody rocks! XD

[blackxlupin]

I like that you don't hesitate to describe magic, now when Lucius uses his wards against Bellatrix and Rodolphus, and in an earlier chapter when you talked about the interwoven wards surrounding the books in the library at Grimmauld Place. It conjures up an atmosphere of realism, and, in this case, of grandeur.

If I'm being completely honest, I would have to say that of all your characters, Bellatrix is the only one who fails to come across as authentic - although when I look back on what we saw of her in canon, she was very much an under-developed character, and I don't know what an authentic Bellatrix is supposed to be, exactly.

Still, the following line stood out to me: “What do you know, Auror?” she asks. “What little bird has been whispering secrets in your ear? Or - Secret Keepers?” I don't really know why; I suppose I can just totally imagine her hissing something like that.

He can hear Bellatrix swearing as the door opens, her voice raised to a pitch and profanity that he hadn't ever thought to hear a woman achieve.On

[anonymous]

That chapter was rivetting. The way Lucius responded to the Lestranges at his front gate, Moody's reaction Crouch's idiot move with the Dementors (which was also VERY befitting of Crouch's character, the twat). I'm still reeling at how you manage to keep the characters so canon while twisting the story so dramatically. :D Loving it to pieces.

[marauder_muse]

Oops, sorry, that review was me again. :P

[auberus]

No problem -- thanks so much for the feedback!