[Red Dwarf/Rimmer/Lister] Apartment Cleaning
Title: Apartment Cleaning
Fandom/Claim: Red Dwarf/Rimmer/Lister
Rating: G
Prompt: Yuppies (It's a stretch, but close enough.)
Warnings: Slash.
Word Count: 747
My Tables.
Go thank talking_doll for beta-ing this.
This is the Odd Couple/Red Dwarf crossover/AU I promised to write about a week ago. The only elements of Odd Couple you'll find in here is the setting. Rimmer's Felix, and Lister's Oscar.
---
Rimmer carefully leaned over and started the vacuum cleaner. He'd clean this place, whether Lister liked it or not. Just because Lister was only letting him stay here out of good will did not mean that he was going to let this place remain a pig-sty. He absolutely refused to live in a dump for any length of time.
A gentle vroom filled the room, and Rimmer settled down to the easy back-and-forth rhythm of the vacuum cleaner.
Oh. The floor's colour was blue. That was nice to know. Rimmer sniffed and went for a surgical-style mask.
How had Lister let it get this messy? Rimmer could hardly walk around without running into another clean no-no, and he was sure that some of the foods in the fridge were sentient by now.
This place was barely habitable! How could Lister live like this? How?
Rimmer attacked the grime with all of the cleaning implements he could use, and the dust-bunnies could only run for cover.
---
Three hours later, Rimmer considered giving up. He had started with the living room, and was now only half-way done. The windows would have to be replaced, along with the couch. They were simply too messy to wash. The carpet was much nicer now, once he had removed all of the salsa and beer stains. He sighed and sat on a spare, clean chair and tried not to think about the long hours ahead of him.
---
When Lister returned from work, he was greeted by a tired - yet clean - Rimmer, and a sparkling living room. He stared at it for a few moments, then turned to Rimmer.
"What did you do to my living room?" He had had everything perfect! The carpet had been just the right shade of grey, and that old stain on the wall was missing. That stain had always reminded him of the essential be-careful-what-you-bet rule during poker games on Friday nights. Now that it was gone, he'd have to remember it on his own.
Rimmer smiled and spread his arms, oblivious to Lister's frustration. "I tidied up, Listy. It's much more livable now. Care to join me for tea? It's piping hot, and quite delicious."
Lister glared. "No, Rimmer. You cleaned up my apartment! I had everything arranged just how I like it!"
Rimmer sighed and shook his head. "Listy, listy, listy. You don't get it, do you? I've made your home better! You can live it in now. Is that a problem?"
Lister groaned. "No, no it isn't. Just don't clean my bedroom, okay?"
"Sure thing, Lister. Now, how about that tea?"
"Could I just have some lager?"
Rimmer sighed and headed for the kitchen. "Of course. Are you sure you won't try my tea?"
"Yes. Just bring the lager, okay?" Lister sat on the couch, then jumped up from it. Seat covers? His couch hadn't been that dirty! He shook his head and sat down again. This didn't feel like his home anymore.
Rimmer came out with a steaming cup of tea in one hand, and a glass of lager in the other, and then Lister knew that it wasn't his house anymore. Rimmer looked like a butler that was almost out of his element. The scenery didn't quite fit, but it was getting there.
If Lister let Rimmer finish cleaning his apartment, it'd start to resemble a cross between a manor and a submarine. With no-smoking signs.
"Rimmer, you're taking down those signs."
Rimmer set the lager down on a coaster near Lister, and sat himself down on a nearby chair. "What signs?"
"The no-smoking ones. I don't care what you do with them, but I want them out of my apartment."
Rimmer looked around at the offending signs and shrugged. "I thought they gave the place a sense of decency."
"It makes my living room look like a restaurant. Get them out of here."
"Fine, fine." Rimmer sighed and sipped his tea. He'd have to gradually get Lister used to the idea of a clean apartment. Just because the floors and walls were spotless did not mean that everything was clean.
The removal of the no-smoking signs was only a small setback.
Rimmer would force Lister to learn good habits. Somehow, someway. The second Lister had let him stay, Rimmer knew he would have to get to work.
He watched Lister down the lager in three gulps and wondered if he had just taken on a life-long task.
---
Fandom/Claim: Red Dwarf/Rimmer/Lister
Rating: G
Prompt: Yuppies (It's a stretch, but close enough.)
Warnings: Slash.
Word Count: 747
My Tables.
Go thank talking_doll for beta-ing this.
This is the Odd Couple/Red Dwarf crossover/AU I promised to write about a week ago. The only elements of Odd Couple you'll find in here is the setting. Rimmer's Felix, and Lister's Oscar.
---
Rimmer carefully leaned over and started the vacuum cleaner. He'd clean this place, whether Lister liked it or not. Just because Lister was only letting him stay here out of good will did not mean that he was going to let this place remain a pig-sty. He absolutely refused to live in a dump for any length of time.
A gentle vroom filled the room, and Rimmer settled down to the easy back-and-forth rhythm of the vacuum cleaner.
Oh. The floor's colour was blue. That was nice to know. Rimmer sniffed and went for a surgical-style mask.
How had Lister let it get this messy? Rimmer could hardly walk around without running into another clean no-no, and he was sure that some of the foods in the fridge were sentient by now.
This place was barely habitable! How could Lister live like this? How?
Rimmer attacked the grime with all of the cleaning implements he could use, and the dust-bunnies could only run for cover.
---
Three hours later, Rimmer considered giving up. He had started with the living room, and was now only half-way done. The windows would have to be replaced, along with the couch. They were simply too messy to wash. The carpet was much nicer now, once he had removed all of the salsa and beer stains. He sighed and sat on a spare, clean chair and tried not to think about the long hours ahead of him.
---
When Lister returned from work, he was greeted by a tired - yet clean - Rimmer, and a sparkling living room. He stared at it for a few moments, then turned to Rimmer.
"What did you do to my living room?" He had had everything perfect! The carpet had been just the right shade of grey, and that old stain on the wall was missing. That stain had always reminded him of the essential be-careful-what-you-bet rule during poker games on Friday nights. Now that it was gone, he'd have to remember it on his own.
Rimmer smiled and spread his arms, oblivious to Lister's frustration. "I tidied up, Listy. It's much more livable now. Care to join me for tea? It's piping hot, and quite delicious."
Lister glared. "No, Rimmer. You cleaned up my apartment! I had everything arranged just how I like it!"
Rimmer sighed and shook his head. "Listy, listy, listy. You don't get it, do you? I've made your home better! You can live it in now. Is that a problem?"
Lister groaned. "No, no it isn't. Just don't clean my bedroom, okay?"
"Sure thing, Lister. Now, how about that tea?"
"Could I just have some lager?"
Rimmer sighed and headed for the kitchen. "Of course. Are you sure you won't try my tea?"
"Yes. Just bring the lager, okay?" Lister sat on the couch, then jumped up from it. Seat covers? His couch hadn't been that dirty! He shook his head and sat down again. This didn't feel like his home anymore.
Rimmer came out with a steaming cup of tea in one hand, and a glass of lager in the other, and then Lister knew that it wasn't his house anymore. Rimmer looked like a butler that was almost out of his element. The scenery didn't quite fit, but it was getting there.
If Lister let Rimmer finish cleaning his apartment, it'd start to resemble a cross between a manor and a submarine. With no-smoking signs.
"Rimmer, you're taking down those signs."
Rimmer set the lager down on a coaster near Lister, and sat himself down on a nearby chair. "What signs?"
"The no-smoking ones. I don't care what you do with them, but I want them out of my apartment."
Rimmer looked around at the offending signs and shrugged. "I thought they gave the place a sense of decency."
"It makes my living room look like a restaurant. Get them out of here."
"Fine, fine." Rimmer sighed and sipped his tea. He'd have to gradually get Lister used to the idea of a clean apartment. Just because the floors and walls were spotless did not mean that everything was clean.
The removal of the no-smoking signs was only a small setback.
Rimmer would force Lister to learn good habits. Somehow, someway. The second Lister had let him stay, Rimmer knew he would have to get to work.
He watched Lister down the lager in three gulps and wondered if he had just taken on a life-long task.
---