Help Please

[xbabymakes3x]

How in the world do I get my 19 month old to quit pushing? I have a home daycare and he is always pushing other kids and taking their toys away. I try to tell him "nice touches" and show him how to be "nice" but thats not working

Comments

[thebohomama]

Be consistent, it will get through in time. I do "gentle" (which is a nice soft rub), if Jane gets rough. Toddlers don't have the ability to stop themselves when the feel an emotion, like frustration, the only thing you can do right now is show him how better to treat his peers. You're right, he has to learn it.
I make a sad face, and say "we don't hit/push that hurts ow, can we be gentle instead?" will normally notice my change (looking sad) and be gentle to whoever she just hit (me, daddy, friends, the dog), lol.

[swizzle_]

This might not be what other ap parents would consider appropriate, but it works for us. Time out. She is taken away from the situation and told she will be again if she repeats the behavior. She doesn't repeat. For us the timeout is one minute in her room. A gentler approach might be not responding to him for one minute or putting him on a chair for one minute. But, holding them down is not appropriate at this age.

*eta* to add I would say before time out do logical consequence for the things you can. He take the toys then you take away those toys from everyone. etc.

[catnip13]

First and foremost, you need consistancy between parents. If one parent is using a punitive/authoritarian disciplinary style and the other is using gentle discipline, he is undermining your authority.

Honestly, with a 19 month-old, your best bet is to be right on hand to intervene when he is pushing. 19 month-olds do not have the maturity or self discipline to remember that you told them something before. It takes patience and endless repetition.

I have a friend who had a boy who was about that age when I met them. He was a rough and tumble very physical kid, and whenever he was in a group situation she had to be right on top of him preventing problems and redirecting. Other kids DID get pushed and toys did get grabbed once in a while, but she was very good at being there to prevent most of his problems. It took months of hard work, but he did learn. (He's almost 5 now, and is a great playmate).

[catnip13]

Another thought that occured to me after mulling this over some today. This may not work with a child quite so young, but one technique we sometimes used when we were anticipating child guests was to give K a laundry basket and tell her to put any toys that she did not want to share into it and we would put them away until the guests left. Perhaps giving him that control over sharing toys would help with his frustration level.

[bettyboot]

remove him from the situation, just like you'd remove a babe from the breast for biting. he'll get it.