Carson felt ready to face the infirmary. His conversation with Halling had helped him even though he still felt bad. He'd had a bad day ( and nothing )
Carson knew that Perna had wanted to be more then friends and if he were honest, he would have been interested in her if he didn't already love Rodney. He hadn't tried to be deceitful with her but still he felt guilty about her getting hurt. "Perna, I do consider you to be a good friend and I never wanted you to be hurt. You're a beautiful, intelligent woman with a lot to offer someone," Carson said as honestly as he could. He could see how his words affected her and wanted to embrace her but could hear Rodney's taunt and it stopped him from doing so.
"Perna, Rodney and I just got together before I went to Hoff. Prior to that, we were just friends and well, I never thought he'd return my feelings and as of right now, I think we might have been a mistake," Carson confessed. He felt sick to his stomach at the very thought of not being with Rodney. Sure he could have lived as only his friend but now that he'd had more, he knew they couldn't and wouldn't ever be able to go back to being friends.
Perna blushed at his compliments. She felt, that Carson not simply said that to simply appeal to her vanity, or to soften the blow, but honestly meant every word he said. Trying not to think too much about things she couldn't change - Carson's feelings for her that went beyond friendship, Perna tried to focus on their friendship and how she could possibly support him.
"He seemed very happy about your return," Perna replied, unable to get the picture of both men - embracing and kissing each other in public - out of her mind. It had been hard to get used to the thought. Carson was still the same gentle person, still treated her with respect. And it was only due to the circumstances they weren't able to spend much time together. "And he certainly seemed to enjoy being with you last night when we were watching the movie. What happened that you think being with him is a mistake?"
Carson wasn't sure what to say without making Rodney seem petty and of course hurting Perna and outing Jack. "I think that maybe we're too different and," this part hurt Carson the most," he doesn't trust me," he said, dejectedly.
Perna considered Carson's assessment and Rodney's behaviour towards her the previous evening on the way to the mess hall. "I think he might just be a little unconfident when it comes to relationships. He seems pretty confident regarding his profession, and comes across a little rude at times. But sometimes people, who appear to be rough on the outside, are just trying to hide how insecure they actually are." She didn't consider for one moment that the other man could actually have reason to not trust Carson.
Carson gave her a weak smile. The lass was truly a gem. She was defending Rodney even though he implied things about her. "Maybe we rushed into things too soon and for his soft side, well, I didn't see it today," Carson said.
He knew that his lover could be gentle but that didn't stop him from being crass or hurtful. Yes he'd almost slept with Jack but so what! Rodney wasn't interested and made himself clear at that point. Since being in Atlantis, he'd only had sex with one person and it hurt that the man he loved seemed to think he took liberties with everyone he met.
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"Perna, Rodney and I just got together before I went to Hoff. Prior to that, we were just friends and well, I never thought he'd return my feelings and as of right now, I think we might have been a mistake," Carson confessed. He felt sick to his stomach at the very thought of not being with Rodney. Sure he could have lived as only his friend but now that he'd had more, he knew they couldn't and wouldn't ever be able to go back to being friends.
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"He seemed very happy about your return," Perna replied, unable to get the picture of both men - embracing and kissing each other in public - out of her mind. It had been hard to get used to the thought. Carson was still the same gentle person, still treated her with respect. And it was only due to the circumstances they weren't able to spend much time together. "And he certainly seemed to enjoy being with you last night when we were watching the movie. What happened that you think being with him is a mistake?"
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He knew that his lover could be gentle but that didn't stop him from being crass or hurtful. Yes he'd almost slept with Jack but so what! Rodney wasn't interested and made himself clear at that point. Since being in Atlantis, he'd only had sex with one person and it hurt that the man he loved seemed to think he took liberties with everyone he met.
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