Round #1 Challenge #1 - Voting
Okay! Here it is, folks, the first round of voting! Sorry for the delay.
THE VOTING PROCESS HAS BEEN REVISED! - 7 Aug 2006.
Read each entry, and comment with the number of the THREE FICS you liked THE LEAST. When voting, you must provide a reason for your selection, the reason the fic didn't work for you. Please provide concrete criticisms, and don't vote strictly by personal preferences (e.g. pairing, POV, etc.).
You may also vote for your most favorite fic, though a reason is not required for that.
An example of how to vote:
Least favorite
##) Reason
##) Reason
##) Reason
Most favorite
##
Voting is screened, and will remain open until Wednesday evening. Voting is open to anyone, so please feel free to link to this post - but remember, DO NOT reveal which story is your until the voting is finished. Once the winner & eliminations have been announced, you may post your story anywhere you like.
The participant whose story receives the most number of MOST FAVORITE votes will help select the theme for next week's challenge.
ENTRIES 1-10
1. Fame
"They have come, they have come!"
Sheppard gave his team a wry grin. "It appears that they’ve heard of us."
"Just as long as it isn’t bad things," Rodney said worriedly, following Sheppard off the pedestal that housed the Stargate. "I am so not in the mood for dying today."
Sheppard smiled tightly as the locals milled around in excitement, and murmured, "Did you have to mention the ‘d’ word, Rodney?"
"They do seem pleased to see us," Teyla commented, smiling in thanks to a girl who had given her a bunch of flowers.
"And how many times has that happened before the people tried to kill us? Uh, thank you, I guess." Rodney looked down at the flowers and fruit he had just been handed, unsure of what to do with them. "Do you know whether there’s any citrus in this?" he called after the retreating girl.
"Welcome to Naparia! Come, come!" A rotund man with a smiling face gestured them forward, towards the village.
Sheppard smiled uncertainly again at the crowd before following the man. "Ronon, Teyla, you know anything about these people?" he asked.
"I have never heard of Naparia before," Teyla answered.
Ronon shook his head, smiling, as much as he ever smiled, at an attractive woman who gave him a bunch of red flowers and several suggestively shaped fruit. She gave a saucy wink and a swish of her skirt before melting back into the crowd.
They were lead into a large open courtyard surrounded by stone buildings. The large number of people in such a small place was making Sheppard nervous, but there was nothing they could do about it without appearing rude, which could, as Rodney had implied, lead to something disastrous happening. Sheppard had finally gotten past the third chapter in War and Peace; he wasn’t going to get that far and not ever know how it ended. Besides, he deserved some sort of cosmic karma for his perseverance.
"Everyone, everyone, gather around; we have legends in our midst!" the rotund man said. The crowd cheered as the man grabbed Sheppard’s hand, raising it up in the air to the rest of the team’s bemusement.
"We have lived in hope that one day we’d be honoured with your presence," the man continued as the crowd quietened. "And now, you are here!"
"I’m starting to get a bad feeling about this," Rodney muttered.
Sheppard couldn’t help but agree, Star Wars reference or not. There was something wrong with this much adoration. When you were used to it turning out that they only wanted you for your nukes, it wasn’t hard imagining an ulterior motive.
"They’ve saved thousands of lives!"
Sheppard couldn’t argue with that.
"They’re an invincible fighting force!"
Well, not so much invincible as determined. Very, very determined. But he could call them invincible, if he wanted to. It wasn’t even hyperbole, just a little exaggeration. After all, they weren’t dead yet, and that would have to be the definition of undefeated. Hadn’t died yet, either. Admittedly, there was that one time, but that was a controlled death. It didn’t count. And technically, he’d died in the alternate timeline, but that didn’t count either.
Technically.
"They’ve saved the universe multiple times!"
Huh. He must have been unconscious for that one. Or multiple ones. Would that make it binary?
Again, what was the harm with a little exaggeration?
"I give you: SG-1!"
"Great, we travel 2.5 million light years from Earth, and they’re still more famous then us," Rodney whispered.
Somewhere, Jack O’Neill was laughing his ass off.
2. Kiss and Make Up
Rodney snickered as he pressed a small device to his chest and then stepped into the corridor directly in front of Lieutenant Laura Cadman. "Lieutenant. You're needed in the control room urgently."
"Yes, Sir." Cadman snapped to attention. "Is that all, Sir?" Rodney nodded, as Cadman took off down the corridor at a fast pace.
Cadman jogged around the corner, before she slowed, turned around and headed back. This was not the first time she'd been surprised by Colonel Sheppard at awkward moments and each time she'd reached her destination only to find that there was no emergency. Cadman's growing sense of suspicion finally had the best of her. She quietly peered around the corner, only to see the Colonel chuckling to himself. "Falls for it every time," he mused, before reaching to touch something at his chest. The Colonel appeared to shimmer for a moment and then one very amused-looking Rodney McKay was revealed.
"So that's your game, is it?" she murmured. She'd thought things had been too quiet since she'd set off that smoke bomb resulting in Rodney storming out of his quarters covered in fire retardant foam. A sly grin formed on Cadman's face as she walked away.
***
Rodney sighed as the door slid closed behind him. Rubbing at his tired, aching eyes, he gave a large yawn, pulled his ear com free and kicked off his shoes. He looked up just as something shifted in the darkness and gave a startled yelp.
Dressed in black, the lean figure of Sheppard seemed to materialize from the shadows of the room, moving so silently that it was no wonder that Rodney hadn't noticed him there.
"Colonel? What are you doing, trying to scare me to death?"
Sheppard continued to advance on Rodney almost menacingly, one finger coming up to his lips in a signal for silence, as a wicked grin spread across his mouth. The sight unnerved Rodney, who backed up until he felt his back hit the wall. He could still feel his pulse beating rapidly in his chest from the initial fright. Sheppard leaned closer, placing a hand on the wall beside his head and Rodney whimpered slightly, his pulse now racing from a different emotion. He looked up into Sheppard's eyes as they gleamed strangely in the darkness.
"What are you…" Rodney started to ask again, but then Sheppard's lips were covering his own, cool and soft, and Rodney's mouth seemed to tingle with electricity as his lips opened under the sensation, the kiss sending shivers down his spine, messages racing to other areas of his body.
"Mmmngh." Rodney wasn't sure he would ever form an intelligent sentence again, as Sheppard stepped back and, with another cool smile, left the room.
***
Sheppard was surprised to see Lieutenant Cadman leaving Rodney's room. She nodded to him, before walking off in the other direction. He palmed open the door to Rodney's quarters.
"Hey buddy, what's up?" Sheppard stopped dead in his tracks when he saw Rodney's expression. He was looking at Sheppard as if he'd suddenly grown horns. "I saw Cadman leaving. You two aren't still at war with each other, are you?"
Rodney blinked, his expression shifting to one of dawning comprehension. "You saw Cadman leaving? Just then?" John nodded, a confused look on his face.
"Oh my…" Rodney snickered. "Ha, she had me, but she doesn't know about," Rodney gestured between Sheppard and himself several times. "I mean, she couldn't and she... Ha!"
"So did you guys kiss and make up or what?" Sheppard scratched his head in confusion as Rodney suddenly burst into a very un-Rodney-like fit of the giggles.
***
Cadman scowled down at the console. She was sure Rodney had had a hand in this particular duty assignment. Resetting computer codes had to be the most boring job on the list. As such, she looked up with interest as Colonel Sheppard entered the lab with Rodney. From her current position they wouldn't be able to see her, and so she happily listened in on their conversation.
"So Rodney, coming for lunch?"
"I just have to finish running this simulation and I'll come and join you."
"All right, don't be too long." Sheppard reached out a hand, lightly ghosting it along Rodney's arm. "I thought we could eat in my quarters."
"Mmm, sounds good." Rodney smiled, reaching his own hand out to gently touch Sheppard's face and run it down his rumpled white shirt, before Sheppard winked at Rodney and walked out the main door.
Cadman took a breath and, suddenly not wanting her presence known, she snuck out the back door of the lab, quietly stepping into the corridor. She carefully mulled over the details of what she had just seen. Sheppard and McKay. She'd suspected maybe they had something going on when she was sharing his headspace, but no; they couldn't be. Could they?
She was so busy with her thoughts that she almost walked straight into… "Good afternoon, Lieutenant." Cadman blinked, looking up, as Sheppard walked past her.
There was no way that the man could have made it from the lab door she had seen him exit just moments earlier to here in such a short space of time - at least not without running, and he certainly didn't look puffed. Besides he was now wearing a black t-shirt. Gotcha McKay! You almost had me there.
***
A few minutes after Sheppard walked out of the lab, Zelenka walked in via the back door. He pulled at the small device on his chest, watching as the world shimmered for a moment, before it came free and he handed it to the waiting Rodney.
"I did as you asked and walked around the corridors outside. People really thought I was the Colonel. You should try it, Rodney."
"Huh, maybe I will later." Rodney grinned mischievously as he left for lunch.
3. Probably Mistaken
John thinks that Rodney can fix everything.
Never mind whether it's a ten thousand year-old Ancient spaceship, or another victim of the John Sheppard school of computer repairs - if it's broken, Rodney can fix it. Because Rodney is a genius, although John will never, ever, say that out loud; and a genius' job is to be brilliant under all circumstances.
Rodney isn't perfect, though, and there are some things that even he can't repair. Like an overloading alien power source, and while he does manage to raise some peripheral shields - shutting out the rest of his team, shutting out John, because his priorities have changed over the last two years and his own survival is no longer the most important thing - he can't prevent the damn thing from blowing up in his face.
Which is why their first kiss is rather one-sided, and happens while John is doing his best to break Rodney's ribs.
***
Rodney thinks that John will always be there to save him.
It's not important if the cause for his current predicament is his being trapped on a Hiveship on its way to Earth, or an unfortunate offworld incident where the natives once again completely misunderstand Rodney's concern regarding all things citrus - if Rodney needs help of the "rescue mission, guns ablazin'" kind, John will be there. Because John doesn't leave his people behind, and Rodney trusts that, even though he has never mentioned it; and if anyone has ever been John's, it's Rodney.
But John has to follow orders, and sometimes even he can't get Rodney back. Like when Rodney is ordered back to Earth because he's the foremost expert on Ancient technology - suddenly he's not that expendable anymore, no longer a nuisance, instead needed in the war against the Orii - and John can't do anything to prevent him from leaving.
Which is why their second kiss is nothing but a short goodbye, and Rodney doesn't think there'll ever be a third.
***
Elizabeth thinks that John will always back her up, no matter how questionable her decisions may be.
Sam thinks that Rodney is smarter than her, but that she's the better scientist, because she knows which things are important.
Caldwell thinks that John doesn't follow military procedure, at all.
Dr. Lam thinks that Rodney's hypochondria is nothing but a cry for attention, even though some of his medical conditions are serious.
Teyla thinks that John can free the galaxy from the Wraith, once he starts taking things more seriously.
Cameron thinks that Rodney spends too much of his time complaining.
***
It's not always easy to meet expectations. Sometimes, it's even harder not to.
***
John thinks that Rodney could maybe send a note in the weekly data burst, if John's at least a little important to him.
Rodney thinks that John could maybe request some leave, if their kiss meant anything at all.
John thinks that now Rodney's back on Earth, he probably doesn't care, anyway.
Rodney wonders if John ever has.
***
It's half a year before they meet again.
John has finally lost his patience, deciding he hates leaving things unresolved. Rodney has finally convinced the SGC that his offensiveness isn't worth the effort, drawing quiet triumph from the fact that they'll send him home again.
Landry honestly thinks he's made the better deal.
John steps through the wormhole the day before the Daedalus is scheduled to leave. It saves them a month of waiting.
Which is probably why their third kiss is born from pure relief.
***
John has always thought that Rodney would babble during sex, that he would spill his multisyllable words in a helpless mumble while John maps soft pale skin with his tongue, licks his way between firm round cheeks, teasing and lapping until one of them breaks.
Rodney has always thought that John would be laid back in a relationship, that he wouldn't allow anyone to get too close, too proud to snuggle closer when they're both naked and panting and sticky and right on the verge of sleep.
They don't count their kisses anymore.
They know they don't have to.
***
Aren't you glad life's all about learning?
4. Running Man
It had been an incredibly long day. In fact he wasn’t sure that it hadn’t been several days. He’d arrived on that planet in the dark, left it, come back and then left again… in the dark.
Not helping the situation was literally being in spitting distance of bringing Ford home. He knew Ford thought he was better off high; running around playing G.I. Joe alone in the woods, taking on the Wraith whenever he could. But that was the drug talking. Ford, the real Aiden Ford, would have been sick to think he’d fired a P-90 around McKay’s ankles, that he’d put fellow officers in danger, that he’d voluntarily gone with the Wraith.
He couldn’t decide if he’d done the right thing, leaving in the middle of the chase to go get Carson. He knew Carson didn’t like to be ‘volunteered’, but if this guy they found - who’d found them, actually - could help them find Ford… Carson would understand, right?
It wasn’t that Carson was against doing his job. It was just that in order to do his job this time he had to go off-world, hike through a forest with a surgical kit on his back to work on a guy who had a gun on Teyla and refused to be sedated for the procedure. Not exactly the most sanitary, or sane, conditions for back surgery.
He’d fully expected a week of Carson giving him the cold shoulder and at least an additional week of even colder sheets. It would be worth it, though, if it meant getting Ford back.
Yet somehow talking in the mess had led to talking in John’s quarters and that had led to curling up in bed together. They were both too tired to actually think about sex, but now, two hours since they’d stopped talking, each erroneously thinking the other had fallen asleep, John was aware that they were both just staring at the walls and letting their brains spin unproductively.
"He wasn’t what I expected," John muttered, breaking the silence.
"Aye," Carson whispered from where he was curled in front of John. "I’ve seen some strong people before, but that… I haven’t seen the likes of that before."
"It can’t… I mean… no one can maintain that level of… activity." John wondered why he was having so many problems articulating ideas that were so clear in his mind.
"Eventually the body will give out. You can only push so hard for so long."
John shifted. "I would have to think that eventually he’d just not want to be alone."
"It wouldn’t be safe to be around others," Carson said. "Who could he trust?"
"I don’t think his brain works like that any more… I don’t think trust is something that’s… important to him anymore. Just survival."
Carson rolled onto his back so that he could see John’s face in the moonlight. "That could change."
John shook his head, one hand trailing up and down Carson’s arm, grateful for the solid presence at his side that didn’t demand that he leave his work at the door or feed him a constant stream of ‘it’s not your fault’ or ‘it’ll be okay.’
"He’d have to want it to."
"I think he does. I don’t think I would have gotten near him if he didn’t want to trust someone." Carson reached up and caressed the side of John’s face. John carried so much responsibility, took it all so personally. He flinched when he felt John tense under his hand.
"When were you near him? I thought you were only down there long enough to get that transmitter out of Ronon’s back!"
Carson rolled his eyes, only the two of them could have a conversation for that long and not realize they were talking about different people. He stroked John’s face again. "I thought we were talking about Mr. Dex."
John collapsed against him. "I was talking about Ford."
"Aye, I can see that now." He leaned in and kissed John softly.
John put his hand behind Carson’s neck and held him against his forehead. "I don’t know how to get him back."
Carson began rubbing his back. "We’ll find a way. You can’t give up."
"He doesn’t want to be found. He’s a tactical officer; he won’t be found unless he wants to be. And he doesn’t want to be." John shifted onto his front so Carson wouldn’t have to stretch so far. It wasn’t altruism. He simply didn’t want Carson to stop.
"The lad doesn’t know who he is anymore. He has an alien drug going through his system. He isn’t in control." Carson knew it wouldn’t change John’s feeling of responsibility, but he knew that nothing would. Right now John just needed to talk until he fell asleep.
"Can you get him off the enzyme if we get him back?"
Carson sighed. "I don’t know. It’ll depend on…" he started to list off the variables that would determine how fast and how well they’d be able to detox Aiden, but thought better of it, since the first one was ‘how long he’s on the drug’. John put enough pressure on himself without that added information. "It’ll depend on a lot of things."
John knew a noncommittal answer when he heard one, but didn’t have the energy to press.
"I’m thinking of asking Elizabeth to let Ronon stay here. His planet’s been destroyed and he knows a lot about the Wraith."
Carson settled against John’s side, stroking his hair. "And he promised you that he’d help you get Aiden back if I helped him."
"Yeah," John admitted. "And I know you would have done it anyway, but he doesn’t. And I’ll take any help I can get at this point."
Carson nodded, noticing that John’s eyes were drifting closed. Of course he would have helped Ronon, now he just had to hope that Ronon could help them find Ford before the young Marine completely lost track of who he was.
5. By Any Other Name
The one they call Nathan looks lost and unsure as his lips form around the foreign sounds. Michael doesn't stumble over his own name, it feels natural, like something he owns.
***
In the darkness of the past few days, lost between a people that look like ghosts, Michael has learned to trust the voices inside. They tell him why the Lantean food tastes like ashes in his mouth. They tell him the names of his brethren in glyphs that have no words to them. They tell him not to believe the uneasy Lantean smiles when he can smell the fear beyond.
Michael doesn't need a mirror to know that he is different. He can see it every time Beckett looks at him, can feel it in the way those ghostly creatures flock around him like sheep.
She comes after everyone else has been there twice and her face shows nothing of the put-upon kindness. She's all business and golden skin. Something in her calls to him. Michael senses in her a kindred spirit, more so even than the ghosts. And he senses that she comes for him alone.
"Can you tell us more about our home, our people?" he asks. The question has become a tired litany, asked over and over, refused every single time. The Lanteans make uncomfortable faces and use their hands to tell them big lies without detail. Teyla needs no grand gestures and she tells no lies.
"It is better you do not know."
He reaches for her in anger and lands on his back. "So that's my answer?"
Teyla tightens the grip on his wrists. "I can't give you answers." It means she's not allowed.
Michael asks her to come back, then, and to both their surprise Teyla agrees. The idea of seeing her again lets fear grow in his belly.
***
She bears fruit that tastes too bitter and too sweet. Michael thanks her, hoping she might use the excuse to see him again. Teyla doesn't meet his eyes as she tells of her people and when he asks why the big man that follows her around like the ghosts follow him - why he hates Michael so much, Teyla changes the subject.
"You are doing well. Doctor Beckett thinks the antidote will soon be effective for more than a day." Michael can smell the discomfort about her as she mentions the doctor and his potions. He has a pretty good idea why.
"Yes, we may get to go home soon." Lying comes easy to him now, as practiced as the feeding.
Teyla looks at the ghosts, a smile gracing her lips that brings tears to Micheal's eyes. "Soon you will return to who you truly are."
He's not sure if he wants that more than he fears it.
***
When the dreams start, Michael blames it on the experiment. He's gone unmedicated for two days now and something is happening to his body that may as well affect his dreams. The truth, he thinks, is something far more dangerous. The dreams of death and treachery begin when Teyla's visits become sparse.
He misses her, the soft humming of her mind, the flicker of sunlight on her skin.
The emptiness leaves space for memories to pour in. Memories of a betrayal so harsh it makes his skin crawl. Memories of the monstrous acts the Lanteans have committed against him and memories of Teyla's fear, Teyla's disgust. It is enough to drive Michael's fury beyond anything he ever imagined.
***
After all is said and done, Michael is left with nothing. The forest is burning, the ghosts are dead, his only hope of escape forever destroyed. The mistakes he made keep repeating in his head like the children's songs he once heard in the queen's chambers. Her death only adds to the pain.
Michael is Wraith. Wraith is Survival.
So Michael waits, waits for his chance. And if his dreams show a different path, a more pleasant reality, then he still wakes with pride. A human can never hold power over a Wraith, not even such a mongrel as Michael.
***
For weeks after the incident, Teyla wakes with tears in her eyes and no memories of her dreams.
***
And when he sleeps under the charcoal trees, Michael feels the ghost of her smile, the trace of her mind on his. It hurts more than the wounds that will not heal.
6. Fractured Fairy Tales
Once upon a time Rodney told them all that despite what they thought, he wasn't Superman. John had laughed, because, really, did anybody actually think that? Ha ha ha. Well, apparently, once again Rodney was right, John never saw it coming and everybody realized that they actually had thought Rodney was invincible when in fact he was just as... vincible as anyone else. Even in comic books no one can be right all the time, only the religious and children who believe in fairy stories buy that. He's keeping the t-shirt, anyway. Rodney thinks he's still pretty damn fantastic.
Once upon a time Rodney kissed Carson in front of John and Elizabeth and everyone. Well, okay, it wasn't Rodney, just Rodney's body and a hormone addled Marine. Wait, that doesn't sound right. Carson isn't insane and he's never had another consciousness in his brain, but he still remembers the feel of Rodney's lips presses against his and feels dizzy for as long as he can forget that Rodney would never do such a thing. Lieutenant Cadman is a lovely young lady, but she's no fairy tale princess his mum ever told him about. Likewise, Rodney McKay was nobody's idea of a handsome prince hiding under the gruff illusion of a beast. Carson wants to keep the illusion anyway. One day his prince will come.
Once upon a time a lackadaisical boy who loved to fly with a problem with authority and a non-regulation haircut fucked up. Which isn't to say that he hadn't fucked up before, because, well, there was a reason that boy had been sent to his room, Antarctica, whatever, and told to like it. But this particular fuck up was on the scale of court marshal with some serious time in his room, cell, you know what I mean, and more to the point, having his head shaved. Somewhere there was a mix-up, though and instead of seeing the insubordinate subordinate who shot his CO, the brass mistook him for a proper commanding officer and promoted him. John kinda wishes he hadn't wasted his other two wishes on Rodney and a turkey sandwich, though.
7. Cocktail, Ginger Ale
After Sheppard was captured, Rodney spent a lot of time in the control room. So when "Incoming wormhole" rumbled out of the duty tech, Rodney jerked back, almost banging his head on the control panel he was working on in the process. Elizabeth came running from her office to look as well, just as the tech glanced up from the panel and pressed the shield button.
"Opening the shield."
It had to be Sheppard. It had to. Rodney's stomach felt like someone had punched him, worse than it felt the day Lorne's team brought back Sheppard's uniform and dog tags. No one else was off world at the moment; they were all in Atlantis, sifting through the information they'd gathered to try and pin down where to find him. Elizabeth put her hand on Rodney's arm; for reassurance or support, he wasn't sure.
"It's Colonel Sheppard's IDC." The whole room broke out clapping, with a collective sigh of relief.
"About time!" Rodney snapped, heading down the gateroom steps, Elizabeth a half-step behind him. But the sight of the lean figure that stepped through the gate brought him up short.
Zelenka's return from M7G-677 had nothing on this. Feathers and extreme body paint seemed to have been the fashion wherever he'd been. At least there were no visible signs of injury, other than an atrocious taste in color. "Nice to have you back, Colonel Pants-Be-Gone."
Sheppard grinned. "Good to see you too, Rodney. Elizabeth." He nodded his head at her, beaming as he looked around the room. "It's good to be back."
***
The debriefing was in Elizabeth's office, once Carson gave his okay and Lorne brought Sheppard some pants. His hair was wet, yet sticking up even worse than usual. Rodney would never have believed it possible if he hadn't seen it first hand.
"So you're saying that they thought you were Rodney?" Elizabeth folded her hand on the desk in front of her. "I find that hard to believe, if they were working from the old Genii photos of you."
"Apparently, they got the names kind of mixed up, so they were just looking for the team's leader." Sheppard glanced at Rodney and lifted his eyebrows. "They figured that whoever the leader was would be the brilliant scientist they were supposed to capture."
"Which is why they picked you," Rodney snorted.
"Exactly." John leaned an arm over the back of his chair and grinned. "I am the team leader."
"So what did they do when they noticed that you can't boil water?"
"Ah," John said. "They didn't want me to boil water. They wanted me to build them a nuke."
"A nuke?" Elizabeth looked stunned. "John, you can't--"
"I know, I know. No nuclear weapons proliferation in the Pegasus galaxy. I did get the memo on that." He scratched at the edge of the table. "Besides, I don't know how to build one."
"So what did you do?" She asked.
"I built them a still instead." He shrugged as Rodney stared at him. Unbelievable. "They didn't know the difference."
"Instead of a nuclear weapon, you gave them a dry martini?"
"Pretty much. Pickling the onions was the tricky part."
Elizabeth couldn't keep a smile from seeping out onto her face. "You turned their weapons research lab into a...wet bar."
"Hey, you should have seen what they were drinking before! They had these goat-things that they'd milk, and then let the stuff go sour--"
"Stop," Rodney said. "I don't think my stomach can take it."
Pushing aside her laptop, Elizabeth leaned back in her chair. "I think that's all I need to know for now. If you think of anything else--"
"I'll email you."
"Sounds good. Rodney? Anything else?"
"No, no. I think my reputation is ruined enough." He followed John closely, out into the walkway, through corridors, into the transporter, and right to the hallway outside John's quarters.
"Look, they loved it, okay? And I did try to tell them they had the wrong guy, but they didn't believe me." John touched the panel outside his room and the door slide open. "But it worked out okay in the end."
The door slid shut, and Rodney pressed his hand against John's chest, pushing him against the wall and weaving their legs together. Oh, yeah. He'd missed this. "So why did they let you go?" he asked, and dropped a kiss on John's neck.
"It...exploded." John tilted his head, giving Rodney better access; Rodney could feel his pulse hammering under his skin. "After a big, all night party, and, well, while they tried to figure out if I had made a bomb for them after all, they kind of left the gate...unguarded. So I figured hey, it was a good time to come home." He ran a hand down Rodney's arm and sighed. "Besides, all I could make was gin."
Rodney pulled back just enough that he could look into John's eyes. "You are insane, you know."
"Maybe a little." He arched up against Rodney and sighed contentedly. "And you are a man of many skills. Did you know that you make the best Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster in the galaxy?" He pulled Rodney down, wrapping his hand around the back of Rodney's neck. "That's why I had to come home."
8. If At First You Don't Succeed...
Some days, Elizabeth swore she was caught in the middle of a Hope and Crosby routine.
"Oh, please." Rodney's remarks were increasingly scathing, and she still had no clue what was going on. "Like she could have told us anything anyway."
"That's not the point, McKay," John shot back, arms crossed and jaw set.
"Gentlemen, please." She waited until she had their attention. "Somebody explain what happened."
Rodney sighed and waved a put-upon hand towards John. John did his squinty-smile thing at Rodney, the one that was three layers deep in sarcasm, before facing her with a more relaxed, albeit slightly sheepish, smile.
"I was helping Rodney in the hologram room," he started. Rodney snorted, then raised his eyebrows in an innocent look when John stopped. "Like I said, since I'm a really nice person who would never stoop to blackmail to get my way, I was helping out Rodney."
"It was a bribe, not blackmail!"
John barreled right on over Rodney. "He left to grab a part from the control room, and when I looked up, she was standing right there."
"She?" Elizabeth asked.
John nodded. "I couldn't really make out her features, but she definitely seemed female."
"We're so surprised," Rodney said sotto voce.
"Naturally, I assumed she was Morgan le Fay." John spared a glare for Rodney before continuing with his story. "I told her how great it was that she could make it back, and that I hoped she could still help us out."
Elizbeth nodded; she would have said pretty much the same thing. "She couldn't?"
"She wasn't Morgan le Fay."
She raised an eyebrow. "Oh really?"
John shook his head. "No. In fact, she seemed a little miffed that I hadn't recognized her. Then she called me by my name, so I assumed that Chaya had decided to visit."
"Of course you did."
"Rodney," Elizabeth warned, and then nodded to John. "Go on."
"Right. So I apologized for the mistaken-identity thing. Then I said I hoped this meant that she had changed her mind about staying out of the fight. But the more I said, the more I could tell she was getting pissed."
Elizabeth stared Rodney down before he could jump in with a comment. He shrugged and tried to pull the innocent look again. "Did you find out why?"
John rubbed the back of his neck. "She wasn't Chaya."
Rodney snorted. Elizabeth covered her mouth with her hand, holding in the smile that was making a break for it. "So, I guess that leaves, what was her name? Teer?"
"You'd think so, wouldn't you?" John stuck his hands on his hips, looking affronted. "I mean, I couldn't make out her face. How the hell was I supposed to know she wasn't?"
Rodney bounced beside her, smug smile plastered on his face as he nearly danced in place. Ignoring him, Elizabeth finally gave into her role as straight man. "So who was she?"
"Mara. Somehow she figured out how to ascend. Or almost ascend. She wasn't real clear about it, but apparently the reason she was all fuzzy was because she hadn't made it all the way."
"First time for everything," Rodney sing-songed.
"I told you I turned her down," John snapped back.
"Oh, right, right. She came back to kidnap you because you're such a gentleman."
"Boys! What happened to Mara?"
John cocked his head towards Rodney, his posture all but screaming tattletale. "Rodney zapped her."
"What?"
"I zapped her," Rodney agreed gleefully. "No, I know what you're thinking. 'Zapped' isn't the technical term. But we all know that I know exactly how it works, so let's not waste our time on explanations, hmmm?"
Elizabeth stared at him. "You killed an Ancient? Rodney, how could you?"
Rodney sighed, his eyes rolling nearly all the way back in his head. "Okay, point number one: Not really an Ancient. She wasn't even ascended all the way!"
"That doesn't matter--"
"Yes, yes, whatever you're going to say, Elizabeth, don't bother. Because, point number two: I didn't kill her. I just chased her off this plane of existence." He grinned, wagging three fingers gleefully in their faces. "Which brings us to point number three: I successfully tested a weapon that can be used against the Ori!"
Elizabeth shut her mouth, astonished. Earth and the rest of the Milky Way could use every advantage they could get. But-- "What if she could have helped us?"
"What part of crazy, half-ascended Sheppard-snatcher are you not getting?" Rodney crossed his arms, mouth slanting sourly. "For all the thanks I've gotten, I should have let her take him."
Elizabeth looked at John.
John shrugged. "She might have been a little stalkerish."
"Thank you!"
Elizabeth rubbed at the pressure in her sinuses. "You know what? I'll read the report." And she'd make sure she had her stash of goodies on hand when she did. She waved them off, longing for peace and quiet. They barely acknowledged her as they sauntered towards the door, still bickering.
"You'll thank me for this later."
"Oh yeah? You still need to pay up on that bribe."
"You haven't even finished yet! I'm reconsidering whether you deserve it."
"Is that so?" John paused on the other side of her door, eyes tracking up and down Rodney like he was a really fast plane that John wanted to take for a spin. "Well, I'll just have to convince you otherwise."
Rodney grinned and bobbed his eyebrows.
Elizabeth squeezed her eyes shut. She really, really hadn't needed to see that. After a minute of silence, she judged it safe enough to open them again. Finally alone, she opened the bottom drawer of her desk.
Forget about waiting for the report. She was breaking out the chocolate now.
9. All Hail The God-King McKay
Rodney dumped the last of seventeen surprisingly allergen-free floral leis in a colourful heap at his feet, and proceeded to brush stray petals off his shoulders, head and chest.
"It wasn't my fault, Elizabeth. It was a cultural misunderstanding; a simple case of mistaken identity."
John snorted and slouched even deeper into his chair and Rodney barely resisted the urge to kick his bony ankle. He settled for a glare instead which did nothing to temper John's smirking amusement.
"So you're saying that the Hesoi mistook you for that other God-King Rodney McKay."
Elizabeth's expression betrayed nothing of her 'Oh my God, what have they done this time?' thoughts. Instead, she asked politely, "God-King?"
Rodney heaved a put-upon sigh and leaned forward, setting off another shower of fragile rainbow petals.
"They saw me use the scanner to check for energy readings and it got very, very quiet very fast. We were all set to make a quick dash for the 'gate, when one of the elders, you know the look - long hair, long robes, long face - came trotting up, all wide eyes and big flappy hands.
Elizabeth shot a quick glance at John, who rolled his eyes and nodded, then bounced his knee off Rodney's in encouragement.
"He started babbling something about emissaries of the God-Kings always being welcome, and how happy they were to finally receive a return visit after all these years. He kept repeating that they'd never lost faith, no matter how often the Wraith had come. And while Teyla's trying to explain that we're just there to trade, the whole damn village jumps into action and becomes some bizarre street theatre troupe re-enacting the high and low points of the last ten thousand years. Ten thousand years, Elizabeth." Rodney looked defiant. "If Mickey Mouse had appeared to them and flashed a working piece of Ancient tech, the Hesoi would have claimed him as the emissary instead. It really wasn't my fault."
John shifted in his chair so his toe was tap-tap-tapping Rodney's ankle. Rodney scowled.
"Tell her how you got from being the emissary to being crowned Rodney McKay, God-King of the Hesoi."
"I'm sure I don't know why you think-"
"C'mon, Rodney, it's not that big a deal. The anthropologists will want to hear-"
"What? I don't have time to-"
Elizabeth watched them snipe at each other and pretend they weren't trading kicks under cover of the conference table, and wondered what she'd done so wrong - or so right - to end up stranded in the Pegasus galaxy with these twin terrors. Just last week, she'd overheard a bunch of marines in the 'gate room taking bets on what trouble 'McShep' would get into next. The compound name had given her a moment's pause and then she'd realised, and laughed into her morning Athosian tea. They always seemed to be plotting things together, exploring the city as a unit, trying to double-team her into signing off on some new hare-brained scheme. She might have been worried about the way everyone automatically paired them off when talking - Sheppard and McKay, McKay and Sheppard, McShep - but she'd never heard a hint of snide innuendo, and she carefully didn't ask - didn't think - about just where they drew the boundaries of their friendship.
The sound of John's hand meeting the back of Rodney's head snapped her focus back to the pair across the table. Rodney looked ready to explode while John leaned even further back and acted innocent.
"It was his belly."
"Major!" Rodney's mouth worked silently for several seconds, and John actually looked proud of his accomplishment. "Elizabeth, it wasn't-"
John talked right over him, using one of Rodney's own favourite tricks to make himself heard. "It was his round little Buddha belly, and the way he ate his way through four power bars while they performed their ritual theatre acts."
That earned John an incensed snort.
"We were sitting in that village square for six hours watching them relive poor hunts and even poorer harvests. All that starving before my eyes made me hungry! And nobody thought anything of it until you gave me one of your bars; that's when they went really crazy."
At Elizabeth's puzzled look, Rodney sighed and rolled his eyes.
"The Hesoi don't have enough food to trade, they can barely feed themselves. They're all built like twigs, skin and bone held together by their faith in the 'imminent' return of the God-Kings' 'emissaries'." Elizabeth can almost see the quote marks in the air.
"We'd been sitting there for hours on a rug that spelled like wet dog and I was all out of power bars, so the Major passed me one of his. The Hesoi saw it as a sign."
John spoke up again, full of barely hidden laughter.
"They believe that a belly like Rodney's is only worthy of a God-King. Only God-Kings can afford to have a belly that soft and round. They wanted to worship it!"
Rodney spluttered and folded his arms across his chest, biceps taut with silent fury.
"They took one look at how skinny you are and decided that, if you're giving me your food when you're obviously half-starved, I must be somewhat grander than an emissary. It's not my fault you don't eat enough to feed a cat."
Elizabeth could only hope that the written reports would be slightly more coherent.
"So, gentlemen, how did you leave the Hesoi? Are they expecting another visit any time soon? Will they be building a statue of the God-King McKay to grace their village square?"
Her joke fell flat as John and Rodney exchanged a look.
"Gentlemen?"
John shrugged awkwardly.
"I said something about rubbing the belly for good luck and they took me seriously."
Rodney fidgeted with his cuff.
"And then on the way back to the 'gate it started to rain, and, well, it turns out they haven't had rain there in decades, so, um, about that statue..."
10. Dimmer Switch
The first few weeks speed past; it's been almost a decade since he's been in one place for more than a few nights, and there's so much for him to learn: new people, new words, new foods, new methods of fighting the Wraith.
Growing up, he was taught that most people are more than just their names, and for most of them, it's easy. Sheppard is a Commander; Teyla is a Warrior; Weir is a Leader; Beckett is a Doctor; Zelenka is a Scientist.
McKay…McKay doesn't fit.
He watches as McKay races from place to place, hardly ever stopping. Even when he does, he's still talking, always talking, throwing his words out without thought, as if they mean nothing
McKay demands notice, takes up extra space, and Ronon had always been told that people of importance felt no need to attract attention.
***
The days are longer here on Atlantis, and while he's not tired, he can see the fatigue in everyone's eyes. He runs with Sheppard in the morning, spars with Sheppard in the afternoon, and sits with Sheppard at dinner. At first, McKay sits there too, talking and eating at the same time. Sometimes they are joined by others: Teyla and Weir most often, occasionally Zelenka or Beckett, but even when there is nobody else, McKay is still there.
Until one day when he's not.
Ronon can see him at the other end of the room, sitting alone and eating even faster than before. He thinks about asking Sheppard, but one look at the grim slash of Sheppard's mouth convinces him otherwise.
***
McKay remains alone, even when others are sitting in the same room. There's smallness to him now. He only talks when he needs to, and Ronon is surprised to realize that he misses McKay's constant stream of words, misses the waving hands. The silence feels unnatural and Sheppard's strained attempts to fill the spaces only makes the emptiness more vivid.
Ronon can see the difference everywhere he looks. People move slower, carving out new paths instead of following in McKay's wake. The cheerful jokes and teasing have stopped completely, and in a world where their chances to find happiness are rare, there is no longer any happiness at all.
Ronon had always thought that Sheppard was the center of Atlantis, but he was wrong. McKay is the beating heart and now that he's been extinguished, Atlantis is dimmer all around them.
***
Nobody knows that whenever he can, he chooses to spend the hour after dinner standing on an empty balcony and watching the sun set over the ocean. He's only been there for a short time when he hears somebody approaching. From the weight and speed of the steps, he can tell it's Sheppard. He turns to see something shift over Sheppard's face - just a flash before it's gone and Sheppard's expression slides back into his usual cheerful blankness.
"I wasn't expecting anybody else to be out here," Sheppard says. "Want me to go?"
Ronon shrugs and Sheppard takes that as a no, leaning against a rail a few feet away.
"So, you've had some time to think about it and get to know some of us. You still interested in joining the team?"
It's strange to think of himself as a member of a team. He's been alone so long.
"A team with you, Teyla, and McKay?" he says, thinking about the combination.
"Teyla, yeah," Sheppard says. "I'm not totally sure about Rodney. I might be replacing him."
"Isn't he the best?" Ronon asks. "Why do you want someone else?"
Sheppard fidgets and for the first time, Ronon sees truth on his face.
"Yeah, he's the best. It's just." Sheppard's voice is so low it's almost a whisper. "Rodney's never messed up like this."
Ronon snorts. "Nobody never makes a mistake."
Sheppard is silent, but Ronon can see his fingers tighten around the rail.
"If you want a team where nobody else can make mistakes," Ronon says, "you shouldn't be a team leader."
"Ouch," Sheppard says. "You've been asking around."
Ronon ignores the interruption and continues. "Your job is to encourage your team, not ignore them. McKay does things for a reason, even if you don't understand him." He knows exactly what kind of pain McKay is feeling right now. He knows what it's like to believe in something so much you ignore all of the warning signs. "McKay is doing his job. You should do yours."
Sheppard blinks and draws back inside himself, plastering on his false smile. "I think this is the longest conversation I've ever had with you."
Ronon shrugs again and watches Sheppard wave and walk inside, wondering if he's said enough.
Later, while he walks the hallway back to his room, he thinks he can see the lights growing brighter.
ENTRIES 11-22
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ENTRIES 1-10
1. Fame
"They have come, they have come!"
Sheppard gave his team a wry grin. "It appears that they’ve heard of us."
"Just as long as it isn’t bad things," Rodney said worriedly, following Sheppard off the pedestal that housed the Stargate. "I am so not in the mood for dying today."
Sheppard smiled tightly as the locals milled around in excitement, and murmured, "Did you have to mention the ‘d’ word, Rodney?"
"They do seem pleased to see us," Teyla commented, smiling in thanks to a girl who had given her a bunch of flowers.
"And how many times has that happened before the people tried to kill us? Uh, thank you, I guess." Rodney looked down at the flowers and fruit he had just been handed, unsure of what to do with them. "Do you know whether there’s any citrus in this?" he called after the retreating girl.
"Welcome to Naparia! Come, come!" A rotund man with a smiling face gestured them forward, towards the village.
Sheppard smiled uncertainly again at the crowd before following the man. "Ronon, Teyla, you know anything about these people?" he asked.
"I have never heard of Naparia before," Teyla answered.
Ronon shook his head, smiling, as much as he ever smiled, at an attractive woman who gave him a bunch of red flowers and several suggestively shaped fruit. She gave a saucy wink and a swish of her skirt before melting back into the crowd.
They were lead into a large open courtyard surrounded by stone buildings. The large number of people in such a small place was making Sheppard nervous, but there was nothing they could do about it without appearing rude, which could, as Rodney had implied, lead to something disastrous happening. Sheppard had finally gotten past the third chapter in War and Peace; he wasn’t going to get that far and not ever know how it ended. Besides, he deserved some sort of cosmic karma for his perseverance.
"Everyone, everyone, gather around; we have legends in our midst!" the rotund man said. The crowd cheered as the man grabbed Sheppard’s hand, raising it up in the air to the rest of the team’s bemusement.
"We have lived in hope that one day we’d be honoured with your presence," the man continued as the crowd quietened. "And now, you are here!"
"I’m starting to get a bad feeling about this," Rodney muttered.
Sheppard couldn’t help but agree, Star Wars reference or not. There was something wrong with this much adoration. When you were used to it turning out that they only wanted you for your nukes, it wasn’t hard imagining an ulterior motive.
"They’ve saved thousands of lives!"
Sheppard couldn’t argue with that.
"They’re an invincible fighting force!"
Well, not so much invincible as determined. Very, very determined. But he could call them invincible, if he wanted to. It wasn’t even hyperbole, just a little exaggeration. After all, they weren’t dead yet, and that would have to be the definition of undefeated. Hadn’t died yet, either. Admittedly, there was that one time, but that was a controlled death. It didn’t count. And technically, he’d died in the alternate timeline, but that didn’t count either.
Technically.
"They’ve saved the universe multiple times!"
Huh. He must have been unconscious for that one. Or multiple ones. Would that make it binary?
Again, what was the harm with a little exaggeration?
"I give you: SG-1!"
"Great, we travel 2.5 million light years from Earth, and they’re still more famous then us," Rodney whispered.
Somewhere, Jack O’Neill was laughing his ass off.
2. Kiss and Make Up
Rodney snickered as he pressed a small device to his chest and then stepped into the corridor directly in front of Lieutenant Laura Cadman. "Lieutenant. You're needed in the control room urgently."
"Yes, Sir." Cadman snapped to attention. "Is that all, Sir?" Rodney nodded, as Cadman took off down the corridor at a fast pace.
Cadman jogged around the corner, before she slowed, turned around and headed back. This was not the first time she'd been surprised by Colonel Sheppard at awkward moments and each time she'd reached her destination only to find that there was no emergency. Cadman's growing sense of suspicion finally had the best of her. She quietly peered around the corner, only to see the Colonel chuckling to himself. "Falls for it every time," he mused, before reaching to touch something at his chest. The Colonel appeared to shimmer for a moment and then one very amused-looking Rodney McKay was revealed.
"So that's your game, is it?" she murmured. She'd thought things had been too quiet since she'd set off that smoke bomb resulting in Rodney storming out of his quarters covered in fire retardant foam. A sly grin formed on Cadman's face as she walked away.
***
Rodney sighed as the door slid closed behind him. Rubbing at his tired, aching eyes, he gave a large yawn, pulled his ear com free and kicked off his shoes. He looked up just as something shifted in the darkness and gave a startled yelp.
Dressed in black, the lean figure of Sheppard seemed to materialize from the shadows of the room, moving so silently that it was no wonder that Rodney hadn't noticed him there.
"Colonel? What are you doing, trying to scare me to death?"
Sheppard continued to advance on Rodney almost menacingly, one finger coming up to his lips in a signal for silence, as a wicked grin spread across his mouth. The sight unnerved Rodney, who backed up until he felt his back hit the wall. He could still feel his pulse beating rapidly in his chest from the initial fright. Sheppard leaned closer, placing a hand on the wall beside his head and Rodney whimpered slightly, his pulse now racing from a different emotion. He looked up into Sheppard's eyes as they gleamed strangely in the darkness.
"What are you…" Rodney started to ask again, but then Sheppard's lips were covering his own, cool and soft, and Rodney's mouth seemed to tingle with electricity as his lips opened under the sensation, the kiss sending shivers down his spine, messages racing to other areas of his body.
"Mmmngh." Rodney wasn't sure he would ever form an intelligent sentence again, as Sheppard stepped back and, with another cool smile, left the room.
***
Sheppard was surprised to see Lieutenant Cadman leaving Rodney's room. She nodded to him, before walking off in the other direction. He palmed open the door to Rodney's quarters.
"Hey buddy, what's up?" Sheppard stopped dead in his tracks when he saw Rodney's expression. He was looking at Sheppard as if he'd suddenly grown horns. "I saw Cadman leaving. You two aren't still at war with each other, are you?"
Rodney blinked, his expression shifting to one of dawning comprehension. "You saw Cadman leaving? Just then?" John nodded, a confused look on his face.
"Oh my…" Rodney snickered. "Ha, she had me, but she doesn't know about," Rodney gestured between Sheppard and himself several times. "I mean, she couldn't and she... Ha!"
"So did you guys kiss and make up or what?" Sheppard scratched his head in confusion as Rodney suddenly burst into a very un-Rodney-like fit of the giggles.
***
Cadman scowled down at the console. She was sure Rodney had had a hand in this particular duty assignment. Resetting computer codes had to be the most boring job on the list. As such, she looked up with interest as Colonel Sheppard entered the lab with Rodney. From her current position they wouldn't be able to see her, and so she happily listened in on their conversation.
"So Rodney, coming for lunch?"
"I just have to finish running this simulation and I'll come and join you."
"All right, don't be too long." Sheppard reached out a hand, lightly ghosting it along Rodney's arm. "I thought we could eat in my quarters."
"Mmm, sounds good." Rodney smiled, reaching his own hand out to gently touch Sheppard's face and run it down his rumpled white shirt, before Sheppard winked at Rodney and walked out the main door.
Cadman took a breath and, suddenly not wanting her presence known, she snuck out the back door of the lab, quietly stepping into the corridor. She carefully mulled over the details of what she had just seen. Sheppard and McKay. She'd suspected maybe they had something going on when she was sharing his headspace, but no; they couldn't be. Could they?
She was so busy with her thoughts that she almost walked straight into… "Good afternoon, Lieutenant." Cadman blinked, looking up, as Sheppard walked past her.
There was no way that the man could have made it from the lab door she had seen him exit just moments earlier to here in such a short space of time - at least not without running, and he certainly didn't look puffed. Besides he was now wearing a black t-shirt. Gotcha McKay! You almost had me there.
***
A few minutes after Sheppard walked out of the lab, Zelenka walked in via the back door. He pulled at the small device on his chest, watching as the world shimmered for a moment, before it came free and he handed it to the waiting Rodney.
"I did as you asked and walked around the corridors outside. People really thought I was the Colonel. You should try it, Rodney."
"Huh, maybe I will later." Rodney grinned mischievously as he left for lunch.
3. Probably Mistaken
John thinks that Rodney can fix everything.
Never mind whether it's a ten thousand year-old Ancient spaceship, or another victim of the John Sheppard school of computer repairs - if it's broken, Rodney can fix it. Because Rodney is a genius, although John will never, ever, say that out loud; and a genius' job is to be brilliant under all circumstances.
Rodney isn't perfect, though, and there are some things that even he can't repair. Like an overloading alien power source, and while he does manage to raise some peripheral shields - shutting out the rest of his team, shutting out John, because his priorities have changed over the last two years and his own survival is no longer the most important thing - he can't prevent the damn thing from blowing up in his face.
Which is why their first kiss is rather one-sided, and happens while John is doing his best to break Rodney's ribs.
***
Rodney thinks that John will always be there to save him.
It's not important if the cause for his current predicament is his being trapped on a Hiveship on its way to Earth, or an unfortunate offworld incident where the natives once again completely misunderstand Rodney's concern regarding all things citrus - if Rodney needs help of the "rescue mission, guns ablazin'" kind, John will be there. Because John doesn't leave his people behind, and Rodney trusts that, even though he has never mentioned it; and if anyone has ever been John's, it's Rodney.
But John has to follow orders, and sometimes even he can't get Rodney back. Like when Rodney is ordered back to Earth because he's the foremost expert on Ancient technology - suddenly he's not that expendable anymore, no longer a nuisance, instead needed in the war against the Orii - and John can't do anything to prevent him from leaving.
Which is why their second kiss is nothing but a short goodbye, and Rodney doesn't think there'll ever be a third.
***
Elizabeth thinks that John will always back her up, no matter how questionable her decisions may be.
Sam thinks that Rodney is smarter than her, but that she's the better scientist, because she knows which things are important.
Caldwell thinks that John doesn't follow military procedure, at all.
Dr. Lam thinks that Rodney's hypochondria is nothing but a cry for attention, even though some of his medical conditions are serious.
Teyla thinks that John can free the galaxy from the Wraith, once he starts taking things more seriously.
Cameron thinks that Rodney spends too much of his time complaining.
***
It's not always easy to meet expectations. Sometimes, it's even harder not to.
***
John thinks that Rodney could maybe send a note in the weekly data burst, if John's at least a little important to him.
Rodney thinks that John could maybe request some leave, if their kiss meant anything at all.
John thinks that now Rodney's back on Earth, he probably doesn't care, anyway.
Rodney wonders if John ever has.
***
It's half a year before they meet again.
John has finally lost his patience, deciding he hates leaving things unresolved. Rodney has finally convinced the SGC that his offensiveness isn't worth the effort, drawing quiet triumph from the fact that they'll send him home again.
Landry honestly thinks he's made the better deal.
John steps through the wormhole the day before the Daedalus is scheduled to leave. It saves them a month of waiting.
Which is probably why their third kiss is born from pure relief.
***
John has always thought that Rodney would babble during sex, that he would spill his multisyllable words in a helpless mumble while John maps soft pale skin with his tongue, licks his way between firm round cheeks, teasing and lapping until one of them breaks.
Rodney has always thought that John would be laid back in a relationship, that he wouldn't allow anyone to get too close, too proud to snuggle closer when they're both naked and panting and sticky and right on the verge of sleep.
They don't count their kisses anymore.
They know they don't have to.
***
Aren't you glad life's all about learning?
4. Running Man
It had been an incredibly long day. In fact he wasn’t sure that it hadn’t been several days. He’d arrived on that planet in the dark, left it, come back and then left again… in the dark.
Not helping the situation was literally being in spitting distance of bringing Ford home. He knew Ford thought he was better off high; running around playing G.I. Joe alone in the woods, taking on the Wraith whenever he could. But that was the drug talking. Ford, the real Aiden Ford, would have been sick to think he’d fired a P-90 around McKay’s ankles, that he’d put fellow officers in danger, that he’d voluntarily gone with the Wraith.
He couldn’t decide if he’d done the right thing, leaving in the middle of the chase to go get Carson. He knew Carson didn’t like to be ‘volunteered’, but if this guy they found - who’d found them, actually - could help them find Ford… Carson would understand, right?
It wasn’t that Carson was against doing his job. It was just that in order to do his job this time he had to go off-world, hike through a forest with a surgical kit on his back to work on a guy who had a gun on Teyla and refused to be sedated for the procedure. Not exactly the most sanitary, or sane, conditions for back surgery.
He’d fully expected a week of Carson giving him the cold shoulder and at least an additional week of even colder sheets. It would be worth it, though, if it meant getting Ford back.
Yet somehow talking in the mess had led to talking in John’s quarters and that had led to curling up in bed together. They were both too tired to actually think about sex, but now, two hours since they’d stopped talking, each erroneously thinking the other had fallen asleep, John was aware that they were both just staring at the walls and letting their brains spin unproductively.
"He wasn’t what I expected," John muttered, breaking the silence.
"Aye," Carson whispered from where he was curled in front of John. "I’ve seen some strong people before, but that… I haven’t seen the likes of that before."
"It can’t… I mean… no one can maintain that level of… activity." John wondered why he was having so many problems articulating ideas that were so clear in his mind.
"Eventually the body will give out. You can only push so hard for so long."
John shifted. "I would have to think that eventually he’d just not want to be alone."
"It wouldn’t be safe to be around others," Carson said. "Who could he trust?"
"I don’t think his brain works like that any more… I don’t think trust is something that’s… important to him anymore. Just survival."
Carson rolled onto his back so that he could see John’s face in the moonlight. "That could change."
John shook his head, one hand trailing up and down Carson’s arm, grateful for the solid presence at his side that didn’t demand that he leave his work at the door or feed him a constant stream of ‘it’s not your fault’ or ‘it’ll be okay.’
"He’d have to want it to."
"I think he does. I don’t think I would have gotten near him if he didn’t want to trust someone." Carson reached up and caressed the side of John’s face. John carried so much responsibility, took it all so personally. He flinched when he felt John tense under his hand.
"When were you near him? I thought you were only down there long enough to get that transmitter out of Ronon’s back!"
Carson rolled his eyes, only the two of them could have a conversation for that long and not realize they were talking about different people. He stroked John’s face again. "I thought we were talking about Mr. Dex."
John collapsed against him. "I was talking about Ford."
"Aye, I can see that now." He leaned in and kissed John softly.
John put his hand behind Carson’s neck and held him against his forehead. "I don’t know how to get him back."
Carson began rubbing his back. "We’ll find a way. You can’t give up."
"He doesn’t want to be found. He’s a tactical officer; he won’t be found unless he wants to be. And he doesn’t want to be." John shifted onto his front so Carson wouldn’t have to stretch so far. It wasn’t altruism. He simply didn’t want Carson to stop.
"The lad doesn’t know who he is anymore. He has an alien drug going through his system. He isn’t in control." Carson knew it wouldn’t change John’s feeling of responsibility, but he knew that nothing would. Right now John just needed to talk until he fell asleep.
"Can you get him off the enzyme if we get him back?"
Carson sighed. "I don’t know. It’ll depend on…" he started to list off the variables that would determine how fast and how well they’d be able to detox Aiden, but thought better of it, since the first one was ‘how long he’s on the drug’. John put enough pressure on himself without that added information. "It’ll depend on a lot of things."
John knew a noncommittal answer when he heard one, but didn’t have the energy to press.
"I’m thinking of asking Elizabeth to let Ronon stay here. His planet’s been destroyed and he knows a lot about the Wraith."
Carson settled against John’s side, stroking his hair. "And he promised you that he’d help you get Aiden back if I helped him."
"Yeah," John admitted. "And I know you would have done it anyway, but he doesn’t. And I’ll take any help I can get at this point."
Carson nodded, noticing that John’s eyes were drifting closed. Of course he would have helped Ronon, now he just had to hope that Ronon could help them find Ford before the young Marine completely lost track of who he was.
5. By Any Other Name
The one they call Nathan looks lost and unsure as his lips form around the foreign sounds. Michael doesn't stumble over his own name, it feels natural, like something he owns.
***
In the darkness of the past few days, lost between a people that look like ghosts, Michael has learned to trust the voices inside. They tell him why the Lantean food tastes like ashes in his mouth. They tell him the names of his brethren in glyphs that have no words to them. They tell him not to believe the uneasy Lantean smiles when he can smell the fear beyond.
Michael doesn't need a mirror to know that he is different. He can see it every time Beckett looks at him, can feel it in the way those ghostly creatures flock around him like sheep.
She comes after everyone else has been there twice and her face shows nothing of the put-upon kindness. She's all business and golden skin. Something in her calls to him. Michael senses in her a kindred spirit, more so even than the ghosts. And he senses that she comes for him alone.
"Can you tell us more about our home, our people?" he asks. The question has become a tired litany, asked over and over, refused every single time. The Lanteans make uncomfortable faces and use their hands to tell them big lies without detail. Teyla needs no grand gestures and she tells no lies.
"It is better you do not know."
He reaches for her in anger and lands on his back. "So that's my answer?"
Teyla tightens the grip on his wrists. "I can't give you answers." It means she's not allowed.
Michael asks her to come back, then, and to both their surprise Teyla agrees. The idea of seeing her again lets fear grow in his belly.
***
She bears fruit that tastes too bitter and too sweet. Michael thanks her, hoping she might use the excuse to see him again. Teyla doesn't meet his eyes as she tells of her people and when he asks why the big man that follows her around like the ghosts follow him - why he hates Michael so much, Teyla changes the subject.
"You are doing well. Doctor Beckett thinks the antidote will soon be effective for more than a day." Michael can smell the discomfort about her as she mentions the doctor and his potions. He has a pretty good idea why.
"Yes, we may get to go home soon." Lying comes easy to him now, as practiced as the feeding.
Teyla looks at the ghosts, a smile gracing her lips that brings tears to Micheal's eyes. "Soon you will return to who you truly are."
He's not sure if he wants that more than he fears it.
***
When the dreams start, Michael blames it on the experiment. He's gone unmedicated for two days now and something is happening to his body that may as well affect his dreams. The truth, he thinks, is something far more dangerous. The dreams of death and treachery begin when Teyla's visits become sparse.
He misses her, the soft humming of her mind, the flicker of sunlight on her skin.
The emptiness leaves space for memories to pour in. Memories of a betrayal so harsh it makes his skin crawl. Memories of the monstrous acts the Lanteans have committed against him and memories of Teyla's fear, Teyla's disgust. It is enough to drive Michael's fury beyond anything he ever imagined.
***
After all is said and done, Michael is left with nothing. The forest is burning, the ghosts are dead, his only hope of escape forever destroyed. The mistakes he made keep repeating in his head like the children's songs he once heard in the queen's chambers. Her death only adds to the pain.
Michael is Wraith. Wraith is Survival.
So Michael waits, waits for his chance. And if his dreams show a different path, a more pleasant reality, then he still wakes with pride. A human can never hold power over a Wraith, not even such a mongrel as Michael.
***
For weeks after the incident, Teyla wakes with tears in her eyes and no memories of her dreams.
***
And when he sleeps under the charcoal trees, Michael feels the ghost of her smile, the trace of her mind on his. It hurts more than the wounds that will not heal.
6. Fractured Fairy Tales
Once upon a time Rodney told them all that despite what they thought, he wasn't Superman. John had laughed, because, really, did anybody actually think that? Ha ha ha. Well, apparently, once again Rodney was right, John never saw it coming and everybody realized that they actually had thought Rodney was invincible when in fact he was just as... vincible as anyone else. Even in comic books no one can be right all the time, only the religious and children who believe in fairy stories buy that. He's keeping the t-shirt, anyway. Rodney thinks he's still pretty damn fantastic.
Once upon a time Rodney kissed Carson in front of John and Elizabeth and everyone. Well, okay, it wasn't Rodney, just Rodney's body and a hormone addled Marine. Wait, that doesn't sound right. Carson isn't insane and he's never had another consciousness in his brain, but he still remembers the feel of Rodney's lips presses against his and feels dizzy for as long as he can forget that Rodney would never do such a thing. Lieutenant Cadman is a lovely young lady, but she's no fairy tale princess his mum ever told him about. Likewise, Rodney McKay was nobody's idea of a handsome prince hiding under the gruff illusion of a beast. Carson wants to keep the illusion anyway. One day his prince will come.
Once upon a time a lackadaisical boy who loved to fly with a problem with authority and a non-regulation haircut fucked up. Which isn't to say that he hadn't fucked up before, because, well, there was a reason that boy had been sent to his room, Antarctica, whatever, and told to like it. But this particular fuck up was on the scale of court marshal with some serious time in his room, cell, you know what I mean, and more to the point, having his head shaved. Somewhere there was a mix-up, though and instead of seeing the insubordinate subordinate who shot his CO, the brass mistook him for a proper commanding officer and promoted him. John kinda wishes he hadn't wasted his other two wishes on Rodney and a turkey sandwich, though.
7. Cocktail, Ginger Ale
After Sheppard was captured, Rodney spent a lot of time in the control room. So when "Incoming wormhole" rumbled out of the duty tech, Rodney jerked back, almost banging his head on the control panel he was working on in the process. Elizabeth came running from her office to look as well, just as the tech glanced up from the panel and pressed the shield button.
"Opening the shield."
It had to be Sheppard. It had to. Rodney's stomach felt like someone had punched him, worse than it felt the day Lorne's team brought back Sheppard's uniform and dog tags. No one else was off world at the moment; they were all in Atlantis, sifting through the information they'd gathered to try and pin down where to find him. Elizabeth put her hand on Rodney's arm; for reassurance or support, he wasn't sure.
"It's Colonel Sheppard's IDC." The whole room broke out clapping, with a collective sigh of relief.
"About time!" Rodney snapped, heading down the gateroom steps, Elizabeth a half-step behind him. But the sight of the lean figure that stepped through the gate brought him up short.
Zelenka's return from M7G-677 had nothing on this. Feathers and extreme body paint seemed to have been the fashion wherever he'd been. At least there were no visible signs of injury, other than an atrocious taste in color. "Nice to have you back, Colonel Pants-Be-Gone."
Sheppard grinned. "Good to see you too, Rodney. Elizabeth." He nodded his head at her, beaming as he looked around the room. "It's good to be back."
***
The debriefing was in Elizabeth's office, once Carson gave his okay and Lorne brought Sheppard some pants. His hair was wet, yet sticking up even worse than usual. Rodney would never have believed it possible if he hadn't seen it first hand.
"So you're saying that they thought you were Rodney?" Elizabeth folded her hand on the desk in front of her. "I find that hard to believe, if they were working from the old Genii photos of you."
"Apparently, they got the names kind of mixed up, so they were just looking for the team's leader." Sheppard glanced at Rodney and lifted his eyebrows. "They figured that whoever the leader was would be the brilliant scientist they were supposed to capture."
"Which is why they picked you," Rodney snorted.
"Exactly." John leaned an arm over the back of his chair and grinned. "I am the team leader."
"So what did they do when they noticed that you can't boil water?"
"Ah," John said. "They didn't want me to boil water. They wanted me to build them a nuke."
"A nuke?" Elizabeth looked stunned. "John, you can't--"
"I know, I know. No nuclear weapons proliferation in the Pegasus galaxy. I did get the memo on that." He scratched at the edge of the table. "Besides, I don't know how to build one."
"So what did you do?" She asked.
"I built them a still instead." He shrugged as Rodney stared at him. Unbelievable. "They didn't know the difference."
"Instead of a nuclear weapon, you gave them a dry martini?"
"Pretty much. Pickling the onions was the tricky part."
Elizabeth couldn't keep a smile from seeping out onto her face. "You turned their weapons research lab into a...wet bar."
"Hey, you should have seen what they were drinking before! They had these goat-things that they'd milk, and then let the stuff go sour--"
"Stop," Rodney said. "I don't think my stomach can take it."
Pushing aside her laptop, Elizabeth leaned back in her chair. "I think that's all I need to know for now. If you think of anything else--"
"I'll email you."
"Sounds good. Rodney? Anything else?"
"No, no. I think my reputation is ruined enough." He followed John closely, out into the walkway, through corridors, into the transporter, and right to the hallway outside John's quarters.
"Look, they loved it, okay? And I did try to tell them they had the wrong guy, but they didn't believe me." John touched the panel outside his room and the door slide open. "But it worked out okay in the end."
The door slid shut, and Rodney pressed his hand against John's chest, pushing him against the wall and weaving their legs together. Oh, yeah. He'd missed this. "So why did they let you go?" he asked, and dropped a kiss on John's neck.
"It...exploded." John tilted his head, giving Rodney better access; Rodney could feel his pulse hammering under his skin. "After a big, all night party, and, well, while they tried to figure out if I had made a bomb for them after all, they kind of left the gate...unguarded. So I figured hey, it was a good time to come home." He ran a hand down Rodney's arm and sighed. "Besides, all I could make was gin."
Rodney pulled back just enough that he could look into John's eyes. "You are insane, you know."
"Maybe a little." He arched up against Rodney and sighed contentedly. "And you are a man of many skills. Did you know that you make the best Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster in the galaxy?" He pulled Rodney down, wrapping his hand around the back of Rodney's neck. "That's why I had to come home."
8. If At First You Don't Succeed...
Some days, Elizabeth swore she was caught in the middle of a Hope and Crosby routine.
"Oh, please." Rodney's remarks were increasingly scathing, and she still had no clue what was going on. "Like she could have told us anything anyway."
"That's not the point, McKay," John shot back, arms crossed and jaw set.
"Gentlemen, please." She waited until she had their attention. "Somebody explain what happened."
Rodney sighed and waved a put-upon hand towards John. John did his squinty-smile thing at Rodney, the one that was three layers deep in sarcasm, before facing her with a more relaxed, albeit slightly sheepish, smile.
"I was helping Rodney in the hologram room," he started. Rodney snorted, then raised his eyebrows in an innocent look when John stopped. "Like I said, since I'm a really nice person who would never stoop to blackmail to get my way, I was helping out Rodney."
"It was a bribe, not blackmail!"
John barreled right on over Rodney. "He left to grab a part from the control room, and when I looked up, she was standing right there."
"She?" Elizabeth asked.
John nodded. "I couldn't really make out her features, but she definitely seemed female."
"We're so surprised," Rodney said sotto voce.
"Naturally, I assumed she was Morgan le Fay." John spared a glare for Rodney before continuing with his story. "I told her how great it was that she could make it back, and that I hoped she could still help us out."
Elizbeth nodded; she would have said pretty much the same thing. "She couldn't?"
"She wasn't Morgan le Fay."
She raised an eyebrow. "Oh really?"
John shook his head. "No. In fact, she seemed a little miffed that I hadn't recognized her. Then she called me by my name, so I assumed that Chaya had decided to visit."
"Of course you did."
"Rodney," Elizabeth warned, and then nodded to John. "Go on."
"Right. So I apologized for the mistaken-identity thing. Then I said I hoped this meant that she had changed her mind about staying out of the fight. But the more I said, the more I could tell she was getting pissed."
Elizabeth stared Rodney down before he could jump in with a comment. He shrugged and tried to pull the innocent look again. "Did you find out why?"
John rubbed the back of his neck. "She wasn't Chaya."
Rodney snorted. Elizabeth covered her mouth with her hand, holding in the smile that was making a break for it. "So, I guess that leaves, what was her name? Teer?"
"You'd think so, wouldn't you?" John stuck his hands on his hips, looking affronted. "I mean, I couldn't make out her face. How the hell was I supposed to know she wasn't?"
Rodney bounced beside her, smug smile plastered on his face as he nearly danced in place. Ignoring him, Elizabeth finally gave into her role as straight man. "So who was she?"
"Mara. Somehow she figured out how to ascend. Or almost ascend. She wasn't real clear about it, but apparently the reason she was all fuzzy was because she hadn't made it all the way."
"First time for everything," Rodney sing-songed.
"I told you I turned her down," John snapped back.
"Oh, right, right. She came back to kidnap you because you're such a gentleman."
"Boys! What happened to Mara?"
John cocked his head towards Rodney, his posture all but screaming tattletale. "Rodney zapped her."
"What?"
"I zapped her," Rodney agreed gleefully. "No, I know what you're thinking. 'Zapped' isn't the technical term. But we all know that I know exactly how it works, so let's not waste our time on explanations, hmmm?"
Elizabeth stared at him. "You killed an Ancient? Rodney, how could you?"
Rodney sighed, his eyes rolling nearly all the way back in his head. "Okay, point number one: Not really an Ancient. She wasn't even ascended all the way!"
"That doesn't matter--"
"Yes, yes, whatever you're going to say, Elizabeth, don't bother. Because, point number two: I didn't kill her. I just chased her off this plane of existence." He grinned, wagging three fingers gleefully in their faces. "Which brings us to point number three: I successfully tested a weapon that can be used against the Ori!"
Elizabeth shut her mouth, astonished. Earth and the rest of the Milky Way could use every advantage they could get. But-- "What if she could have helped us?"
"What part of crazy, half-ascended Sheppard-snatcher are you not getting?" Rodney crossed his arms, mouth slanting sourly. "For all the thanks I've gotten, I should have let her take him."
Elizabeth looked at John.
John shrugged. "She might have been a little stalkerish."
"Thank you!"
Elizabeth rubbed at the pressure in her sinuses. "You know what? I'll read the report." And she'd make sure she had her stash of goodies on hand when she did. She waved them off, longing for peace and quiet. They barely acknowledged her as they sauntered towards the door, still bickering.
"You'll thank me for this later."
"Oh yeah? You still need to pay up on that bribe."
"You haven't even finished yet! I'm reconsidering whether you deserve it."
"Is that so?" John paused on the other side of her door, eyes tracking up and down Rodney like he was a really fast plane that John wanted to take for a spin. "Well, I'll just have to convince you otherwise."
Rodney grinned and bobbed his eyebrows.
Elizabeth squeezed her eyes shut. She really, really hadn't needed to see that. After a minute of silence, she judged it safe enough to open them again. Finally alone, she opened the bottom drawer of her desk.
Forget about waiting for the report. She was breaking out the chocolate now.
9. All Hail The God-King McKay
Rodney dumped the last of seventeen surprisingly allergen-free floral leis in a colourful heap at his feet, and proceeded to brush stray petals off his shoulders, head and chest.
"It wasn't my fault, Elizabeth. It was a cultural misunderstanding; a simple case of mistaken identity."
John snorted and slouched even deeper into his chair and Rodney barely resisted the urge to kick his bony ankle. He settled for a glare instead which did nothing to temper John's smirking amusement.
"So you're saying that the Hesoi mistook you for that other God-King Rodney McKay."
Elizabeth's expression betrayed nothing of her 'Oh my God, what have they done this time?' thoughts. Instead, she asked politely, "God-King?"
Rodney heaved a put-upon sigh and leaned forward, setting off another shower of fragile rainbow petals.
"They saw me use the scanner to check for energy readings and it got very, very quiet very fast. We were all set to make a quick dash for the 'gate, when one of the elders, you know the look - long hair, long robes, long face - came trotting up, all wide eyes and big flappy hands.
Elizabeth shot a quick glance at John, who rolled his eyes and nodded, then bounced his knee off Rodney's in encouragement.
"He started babbling something about emissaries of the God-Kings always being welcome, and how happy they were to finally receive a return visit after all these years. He kept repeating that they'd never lost faith, no matter how often the Wraith had come. And while Teyla's trying to explain that we're just there to trade, the whole damn village jumps into action and becomes some bizarre street theatre troupe re-enacting the high and low points of the last ten thousand years. Ten thousand years, Elizabeth." Rodney looked defiant. "If Mickey Mouse had appeared to them and flashed a working piece of Ancient tech, the Hesoi would have claimed him as the emissary instead. It really wasn't my fault."
John shifted in his chair so his toe was tap-tap-tapping Rodney's ankle. Rodney scowled.
"Tell her how you got from being the emissary to being crowned Rodney McKay, God-King of the Hesoi."
"I'm sure I don't know why you think-"
"C'mon, Rodney, it's not that big a deal. The anthropologists will want to hear-"
"What? I don't have time to-"
Elizabeth watched them snipe at each other and pretend they weren't trading kicks under cover of the conference table, and wondered what she'd done so wrong - or so right - to end up stranded in the Pegasus galaxy with these twin terrors. Just last week, she'd overheard a bunch of marines in the 'gate room taking bets on what trouble 'McShep' would get into next. The compound name had given her a moment's pause and then she'd realised, and laughed into her morning Athosian tea. They always seemed to be plotting things together, exploring the city as a unit, trying to double-team her into signing off on some new hare-brained scheme. She might have been worried about the way everyone automatically paired them off when talking - Sheppard and McKay, McKay and Sheppard, McShep - but she'd never heard a hint of snide innuendo, and she carefully didn't ask - didn't think - about just where they drew the boundaries of their friendship.
The sound of John's hand meeting the back of Rodney's head snapped her focus back to the pair across the table. Rodney looked ready to explode while John leaned even further back and acted innocent.
"It was his belly."
"Major!" Rodney's mouth worked silently for several seconds, and John actually looked proud of his accomplishment. "Elizabeth, it wasn't-"
John talked right over him, using one of Rodney's own favourite tricks to make himself heard. "It was his round little Buddha belly, and the way he ate his way through four power bars while they performed their ritual theatre acts."
That earned John an incensed snort.
"We were sitting in that village square for six hours watching them relive poor hunts and even poorer harvests. All that starving before my eyes made me hungry! And nobody thought anything of it until you gave me one of your bars; that's when they went really crazy."
At Elizabeth's puzzled look, Rodney sighed and rolled his eyes.
"The Hesoi don't have enough food to trade, they can barely feed themselves. They're all built like twigs, skin and bone held together by their faith in the 'imminent' return of the God-Kings' 'emissaries'." Elizabeth can almost see the quote marks in the air.
"We'd been sitting there for hours on a rug that spelled like wet dog and I was all out of power bars, so the Major passed me one of his. The Hesoi saw it as a sign."
John spoke up again, full of barely hidden laughter.
"They believe that a belly like Rodney's is only worthy of a God-King. Only God-Kings can afford to have a belly that soft and round. They wanted to worship it!"
Rodney spluttered and folded his arms across his chest, biceps taut with silent fury.
"They took one look at how skinny you are and decided that, if you're giving me your food when you're obviously half-starved, I must be somewhat grander than an emissary. It's not my fault you don't eat enough to feed a cat."
Elizabeth could only hope that the written reports would be slightly more coherent.
"So, gentlemen, how did you leave the Hesoi? Are they expecting another visit any time soon? Will they be building a statue of the God-King McKay to grace their village square?"
Her joke fell flat as John and Rodney exchanged a look.
"Gentlemen?"
John shrugged awkwardly.
"I said something about rubbing the belly for good luck and they took me seriously."
Rodney fidgeted with his cuff.
"And then on the way back to the 'gate it started to rain, and, well, it turns out they haven't had rain there in decades, so, um, about that statue..."
10. Dimmer Switch
The first few weeks speed past; it's been almost a decade since he's been in one place for more than a few nights, and there's so much for him to learn: new people, new words, new foods, new methods of fighting the Wraith.
Growing up, he was taught that most people are more than just their names, and for most of them, it's easy. Sheppard is a Commander; Teyla is a Warrior; Weir is a Leader; Beckett is a Doctor; Zelenka is a Scientist.
McKay…McKay doesn't fit.
He watches as McKay races from place to place, hardly ever stopping. Even when he does, he's still talking, always talking, throwing his words out without thought, as if they mean nothing
McKay demands notice, takes up extra space, and Ronon had always been told that people of importance felt no need to attract attention.
***
The days are longer here on Atlantis, and while he's not tired, he can see the fatigue in everyone's eyes. He runs with Sheppard in the morning, spars with Sheppard in the afternoon, and sits with Sheppard at dinner. At first, McKay sits there too, talking and eating at the same time. Sometimes they are joined by others: Teyla and Weir most often, occasionally Zelenka or Beckett, but even when there is nobody else, McKay is still there.
Until one day when he's not.
Ronon can see him at the other end of the room, sitting alone and eating even faster than before. He thinks about asking Sheppard, but one look at the grim slash of Sheppard's mouth convinces him otherwise.
***
McKay remains alone, even when others are sitting in the same room. There's smallness to him now. He only talks when he needs to, and Ronon is surprised to realize that he misses McKay's constant stream of words, misses the waving hands. The silence feels unnatural and Sheppard's strained attempts to fill the spaces only makes the emptiness more vivid.
Ronon can see the difference everywhere he looks. People move slower, carving out new paths instead of following in McKay's wake. The cheerful jokes and teasing have stopped completely, and in a world where their chances to find happiness are rare, there is no longer any happiness at all.
Ronon had always thought that Sheppard was the center of Atlantis, but he was wrong. McKay is the beating heart and now that he's been extinguished, Atlantis is dimmer all around them.
***
Nobody knows that whenever he can, he chooses to spend the hour after dinner standing on an empty balcony and watching the sun set over the ocean. He's only been there for a short time when he hears somebody approaching. From the weight and speed of the steps, he can tell it's Sheppard. He turns to see something shift over Sheppard's face - just a flash before it's gone and Sheppard's expression slides back into his usual cheerful blankness.
"I wasn't expecting anybody else to be out here," Sheppard says. "Want me to go?"
Ronon shrugs and Sheppard takes that as a no, leaning against a rail a few feet away.
"So, you've had some time to think about it and get to know some of us. You still interested in joining the team?"
It's strange to think of himself as a member of a team. He's been alone so long.
"A team with you, Teyla, and McKay?" he says, thinking about the combination.
"Teyla, yeah," Sheppard says. "I'm not totally sure about Rodney. I might be replacing him."
"Isn't he the best?" Ronon asks. "Why do you want someone else?"
Sheppard fidgets and for the first time, Ronon sees truth on his face.
"Yeah, he's the best. It's just." Sheppard's voice is so low it's almost a whisper. "Rodney's never messed up like this."
Ronon snorts. "Nobody never makes a mistake."
Sheppard is silent, but Ronon can see his fingers tighten around the rail.
"If you want a team where nobody else can make mistakes," Ronon says, "you shouldn't be a team leader."
"Ouch," Sheppard says. "You've been asking around."
Ronon ignores the interruption and continues. "Your job is to encourage your team, not ignore them. McKay does things for a reason, even if you don't understand him." He knows exactly what kind of pain McKay is feeling right now. He knows what it's like to believe in something so much you ignore all of the warning signs. "McKay is doing his job. You should do yours."
Sheppard blinks and draws back inside himself, plastering on his false smile. "I think this is the longest conversation I've ever had with you."
Ronon shrugs again and watches Sheppard wave and walk inside, wondering if he's said enough.
Later, while he walks the hallway back to his room, he thinks he can see the lights growing brighter.
ENTRIES 11-22