[Final Fantasy VI] Rain

[athyn]

Characters/Pairings: General Leo, Celes (Leo/Celes if you squint)
Rating: G
Warnings: Spoilers
Notes: Written for esper_cave, themes #1 Reasons, #12 Choices, #21 Judgment, #32 Past, #97 Goodbye. 628 words. Many thanks to first_seventhe and evillotto for beta-reading.
Disclaimer: Final Fantasy VI belongs to Squaresoft. I own neither the characters nor the setting, nor do I

Comments

[athyn]

Eee, thank you! One of the things I was trying to convey through this was the fact that there's a great deal left unsaid between the two of them.

Thank you so much for the feedback! I really appreciate it! :)

and thus I review

[perotine]

(somewhat drunk, but hey)

I like this a lot. The best part is the dialogue---it seems very in-character, and a lot goes on there. You convey both of them quite well with their words. I especially like the fact that the contrast between them is relatively minimal. They're both disciplined and similarly focused, so adjusting their speech accordingly was definitely the right decision.

The descriptions seem to suffer a bit: "The grey half-light softened the sharp planes of her face, making her look younger than her eighteen years." The "her eighteen years" part is somewhat awkward. Also I'm unsure about the "He shrugged" thing; I don't know if you'd use that term to describe the gesture of someone so commanding and regal. You also say first that you hear the stories of the slain, and then say that she's counting the number, which sort of jars the initial idea.

Anyways, it's quite good, and I enjoy. It is almost as wonderful as this delicious, delicious champagne.

[lassarina]

Thank you! :) Yeah, his faith in the Emperor really makes me wibble a lot. It's like, he knew he was totally doing the right thing - and then he got beaten up a lot by it.

[venefica_aura]

Admission:

I started to read Every Light but I must be out of practice with denser description fic or something (likely because I've been reading a shit ton of post-modern as of late) because I found myself blinking a bit and came over to this one. Now you know what an incredibly un-literary person I am (well, not true, but still).

So, about this!

Some of my favorite things in writing. Elegance in a short amount of worlds, good dialogue, and really awesome ambience. I was rather taken with the rain sound as they were talking, because really, I'm crazy enough to imagine that as I'm reading.

I like the moral implications, and how they are heavy but not actually as center stage as would be guessed--no, it's really faith and perception, which are in fact awesome.

Leo's in my favorite archetypes, so I've a soft spot for him. I kind of want to give him a hug and a plane ticket out of there.

~Cendri

[lassarina]

Oh, good, then I did what I intended to! This piece was kind of an experiment of how much I could show with the fewest number of words, and also as I said when I commented to your entry, how much I could show without being inside someone's head, so I'm really glad that those things worked!

Leo definitely hits my archetype buttons. I also want to give him a hug and a plane ticket out.