Ponder

[atfm]

A few weeks into the new year, perhaps still looking back on the old one, perhaps looking forward to what's to come, I'd like to try something. I want to ask a question and hope that a lot of people will answer it for me. Just because I'm curious and because I believe it's something we all wonder at some point

Comments

[lysachan]

I'm truly happy. Maybe it's something to do with the fact that I seem to be an eternal optimist. So even when things could go better, I'm still looking for the silver lining. And just in general, too: I have a plan in life, I know what I want. I'm happy that I can be 22 and already know those things.

[atfm]

That's a fantastic attitude. You do seem like a very positive person who's able to make those around her feel good, and I admire that. It's great that you have a plan at this stage in your life, I don't think a lot of people can say that about themselves. Heaven knows I don't have one, though I wish I did. So, what IS your plan?

[lysachan]

So, what IS your plan?I usually have a plan that stretches a few years into the future; it's been like that since I was in high school, basically. Unlike many of my friends and class mates, I knew what I wanted to do after high school, what I wanted to study etc. There hasn't been a single day that I would've regretted my decision

[atfm]

That sounds like a greatplan to me, especially travelling because work is not everything. I'd heard of that book, and trying to see all of those places seems like an ambitious endeavour, but a very good one.

A positive attitude is something very good. If you manage to overcome not-so-good times by simply looking to the future with hope, then that's worth a lot. A lot of people would envy you for that ability.

[mondoshawan555]

No, I'm not happy. The reason is I don't know how to be. I'm unable to feel happy about the way my life is and always think something is missing though I don't know what that is. I imagine happiness for me would ultimately be feeling good about myself and my life. And I know it all depends on my attitude. I'm working on it but the mind is a stubborn thing.

[atfm]

Knowing something is missing but not being able to determine what it is can drive you crazy, can't it? Attitude is very, very important when it comes to happiness because it's mostly ourselves who are responsible for our own happiness, coming to terms with ourselves and our lives, like you said, but we often stand in our own way. But you're right, an attitude is not something you can simply put on like a t-shirt, it's a slow, tedious process of learning and actively pursuing what you want, and that's just very hard to a lot of people.

[lemeep]

I'm not happy, not at all. My girlfriend has left me saying I'm "too good" (!) for her and I can't get that into my head. Not only don't I understand her but myself any more - I mean, why would I love somebody who gives me this crap?
It's not like I'm trying to be unhappy - but I miss her and what we had so much, I just cannot feel anything at the moment but sadness. Even the good things that happen are tainted.
I was content before, I was happy with her and I want that feeling back. I don't like the feeling of my happiness being dependent on somebody else but I think my perspective is hopelessly screwed...

[atfm]

Oh Meep, I'm so sorry. Her saying that you're too good for her sounds like a really lame excuse for her not wanting to be with you, and if that's really the case and she can't even tell you that, then you really are too good for her, though I know that doesn't make it hurt any less.

I think especially after a relationship ends, everything seems pointless and gloomy, and you wonder how could even enjoy certain things before and if you can ever enjoy them again now that something so important is missing. As for your happiness being dependent on another person - to a certain extent that's normal. We just are social beings, and part of our happiness comes from family and friends, so why not from relationships?

I hope you'll be back on track soon and that the world will look a little brighter again for you. *hugs*

[lemeep]

Thanks *hugs*.

[s0phi4]

I'm not sure if I'm truly happy, but I'm much happier than I used to be. My family life has somewhat stabilised, and I have a bunch of great friends.

I find it easier to make friends now. It's probably because of a combination of my environment and my personality changing. So, yeah. That's made me more happy.

For a while though, I've been questioning organised religion. I've been raised Christian, but largely because of quite a number of unpleasant experiences, I'm starting to doubt the sincerity of most people involved in such groups. I know most of them are great people, but I just find it hard to take things at face value now. I think I'd be much happier if I could get that figured out, just that I'm not sure if that's even possible.

For the most part, though, I'd say I'm pretty happy. Sometimes I think this may be "the calm before the storm", but I usually manage to get rid of that thought.

This is a great post.

[atfm]

Happiness tends to be a relative thing, doesn't it? Being happier than you used to be is definitely a good thing, even if you're not truly happy. We do change throughout your lives, and with us our perspective on others and what makes us happy, and sometimes we suddenly find it easier to be happy.

Religion is an important factor that figures into a lot of people's happiness, especially if they find that an opinion they form over time may not correspond to what they've been taught. So, naturally, that'd cause great doubts. Religion in particular is something where you can hardly weight one fact against another because there's so little logic to it, plus, you probably need to differentiate between your very own way of faith, just between you and whatever you believe in, and the whole establishment that comes with it as well as the institutions.

Isn't it sad that if we think we're fairly happy, we don't really trust that and think we'll be slapped across the face in the next moment? It's almsot like we don't dare to be truly happy.

[blobble]

Am I happy? Hmmm. I'm not unhappy. Happiness is... love. Laughter, achievement. I was happy earlier today when i got my feedback. Now I am guilty because I am supposed to be working. I think mainly I'm happy when I stop stressing about it and get out of my own way. Then random moments of happiness find me.
Geeky discussions make me happy. Political and otherwise. Dancing like a loon. But mostly, Mrs Blobble makes me happy!

[atfm]

The question is always whether notbeing unhappy is enough. What you describe is an important aspect - happiness can be a fickle thing. It elates you in one moment, only to vanish in the next. I think the ultimate would be to achieve a more or less permanent state of happiness. But, like you said, it's also about the little things - feedback on good work, laughter, geeky discussions. Being able to derive happiness from that is invaluable. And love...of course. It's great if one finds it like you did. :)