I wouldn't be surprised if the stress of unemployment was another contributing factor. Two years of that would stress anyone out. I don't think you, as an individual, are just suddenly and permanently regressing on a downward-oriented trajectory. I think you're in a rough patch in life and that if/when it clears up, you'll find yourself with a replenished spoon supply.
For what it's worth, you're not a failure. Moving back in with your folks, while traumatic and crappy (I'd rather jump off a bridge than live with my dad again), wouldn't mean your whole LIFE has been a failure. I assume that you know these things objectively, though, and that your rational thoughts and arational feelings are simply not connecting on this issue. Making that connection...ay, there's the rub.
I should've said that my mother has a masters in Guilt Administration, so living with them would be untenable. However, in a more rational frame of mind I do know that it wouldn't mean I was a failure ... it would, however, mean that I'd worked and worked and worked to be independent, and failed in that regard. Which would be immensely hard to swallow.
I'd worked and worked and worked to be independent, and failed in that regard. Which would be immensely hard to swallow.
True, though it wouldn't mean a permanent, rest-of-your-life failure.You wouldn't be able to say that until you moved back in with your parents for the rest of a reasonably long life. But, again, I think you KNOW that. You just don't necessarily feel it. My hope is that if someone else reminds of this fact it will make it easier to feel, if that makes any sense.
I should've said that my mother has a masters in Guilt Administration, so living with them would be untenable.
I hear you, that is rough, and I know exactly what you say when living with folks would be untenable. My dad chose to get his masters in Narrow-Minded Bigotry and Intolerance. I empathize entirely, I just wish I had advice.
Your entire life is not a failure; you've just hit a rough patch. You have managed to get two degrees from very prestigious universities, all without the benefit of diagnosis and proper support. If you move back in with your mom...someone who loves you enough to support you, and seems to want your company...it would just mean that you're having a rough time, and need the support of those who love you. Having that kind of support at home would likely make it easier for you to find and sustain work. You could work online, or do some sort of at-home work, drawing up legal documents. Your training is highly valuable, and so are you. Do you have a local support group?
Moving in with the parents would be untenable as they are not supportive, but beyond that, I can maybe lean on other relatives, at least for moral support. And finding a support group here in my new city is not a bad idea.
The technical term is "decompensation" when coping methods that used to work just don't work anymore, or not as well, and that results in a loss of functionality. It can happen with pretty much anything. You may find that the term helps you search for resources that would be useful to you.
Also worth mentioning is that there are tons of coping methods listed online, some just notes, others with full exercises. When your situation has shifted enough that previously effective methods no longer work, it's a good idea to try different methods. Something new might help -- or things that used to be ineffective might suddenly start working.
In my own case, manipulating my diet has had a profound effect on my stress levels, enjoyment of life and ability to cope well at work and elsewhere. Getting plenty of protein and minimising sugar intake have been particularly important. Initially I only ate sugary things directly after a proper meal (never on an empty stomach) and that helped quite a bit. Later I pretty much cut out sugar altogether (apart from fresh fruit). It did take a while to feel the full benefit of this, but it's made a huge difference. May not apply to you, but I thought it was worth mentioning.
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For what it's worth, you're not a failure. Moving back in with your folks, while traumatic and crappy (I'd rather jump off a bridge than live with my dad again), wouldn't mean your whole LIFE has been a failure. I assume that you know these things objectively, though, and that your rational thoughts and arational feelings are simply not connecting on this issue. Making that connection...ay, there's the rub.
I wish I had advice, though. Sorry.
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True, though it wouldn't mean a permanent, rest-of-your-life failure.You wouldn't be able to say that until you moved back in with your parents for the rest of a reasonably long life. But, again, I think you KNOW that. You just don't necessarily feel it. My hope is that if someone else reminds of this fact it will make it easier to feel, if that makes any sense.
I should've said that my mother has a masters in Guilt Administration, so living with them would be untenable.
I hear you, that is rough, and I know exactly what you say when living with folks would be untenable. My dad chose to get his masters in Narrow-Minded Bigotry and Intolerance. I empathize entirely, I just wish I had advice.
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Also worth mentioning is that there are tons of coping methods listed online, some just notes, others with full exercises. When your situation has shifted enough that previously effective methods no longer work, it's a good idea to try different methods. Something new might help -- or things that used to be ineffective might suddenly start working.
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