A 29-year-old aspie who can't remember to do chores

[christhawk]

So, I don't post much, but once in awhile things do get tough.  Scenario:  I live with my partner and two roommates.  In our household, I am responsible for a few chores, one of which is sorting through the mail to recycle junk, file important stuff and pay bills.  I am bad about this, and put it off until our box for mail is full, at which point

Comments

[christhawk]

The mail is right by the microwave, so this might just work! Thanks.

[knowledgequeen]

When you are talking (or in this case, IMing) with somebody about something you need help with, how do you communicate that you don't need them to do it for you?

I find it ironic that people always say Aspies are literal, when it seems to be the NTs in my life who need me to be literal the most. I would simply say, "I'd appreciate if you could help me break down what I need to do, but once I have that plan, I can handle the rest." This is your partner, and they really should honor your wishes and not judge you for asking something like that so simply.

[beauty_forashes]

With #1, I usually ask for advice instead of help. "Help" often seems to be interpreted to mean "actively assist me in doing this", whereas "advice" usually gets me what I actually want: suggestions on how I can do a thing myself.

I've had success tying one activity to another, and it seems to work best when the second activity is something fun or pleasurable, like a reward for doing the first thing. Keeping lists also helps me. I have a big calendar book with a page for each day, and a space for each hour on the page, so I write down everything I have to do. That way, essentially the only thing I really have to remember is to look at the list a few times a day.

[donsakers]

I echo the other posters for #1: it might help to be more specific about what you're asking for.

For #2, it usually takes 30-60 days to learn a new habit. During that time, you need to set up a reminder that will help you associate the microwave task with the sort-mail task.

Depending on your roommates, there might be a way to keep the mail box in front of the microwave or even inside it, so that you'll have to touch it and move it before you can use the microwave.

Failing that, maybe you could rubber-band a note ("sort mail") to the containers of the food you microwave. Removing the rubber band would be your cue to read the note.

[zheyna]

I cannot recommend signage enough. Make some big signs to cue you into doing chores, and place them somewhere you'll see them (for instance, you coud put a sign on the microwave saying "Sort the mail!")