I posted this to my personal blog, but wanted to... I dunno... share it with others? Look for similarities? This is my first post to this community. Sorry about the TL;DR;
Yeah I have a lot of the same problems as you. Even growing up, some teachers would humiliate me in front of the class.
Although the bullying thing for me stopped because I beat up the other kids. I was always the smallest and youngest in class so I usually had to establish myself as someone not to push around early on in the school year.
Although the one area we differ is I focused on verbal and written communication and not on physical. I used humor as a way to fit in because I went to an all boy high school so the fighting thing while successful was not a good long term strategy.
Either way it's a pain. Communication is so vital to everything, not being to convey my thoughts to someone is a recipe for disaster. I've often thought about all the people I lost as friends because of this very problem. Oh well. You can't change the past.
I can relate to a lot of what you have said too. I am extremely lucky in that I seem to be someone who people approach first. I never go out of my way to initiate contact. The thought alone makes me feel awful. I am extremely selective about who I let talk to me. Unfortunatley I have to go now but welcome :)
Got crying reading this, remembering 4th grade.... Before that I was in an amazing elementary school (called a "model" school, I guess nowadays it would be a "charter" school) where every kid was an individual, learning at an individual pace -- e.g., I learned fast, and the teacher got me to help grade other kids' work -- and it was OK to be different. Then we moved, and I went to a conventional school ... oh my god, it was awful. I didn't get beaten up, but I was definitely an outcast. We moved again after that year, and I made a determined effort to make friends and get along socially. I guess I was successful, more or less, but there were a couple of times when some "friends" rejected me or just didn't show up for a "play date", and I was totally devastated. Now I'm able to be sociable (in small doses) and I think liked by people, but I am so much happier alone. I have just one friend who I have never felt the need to put on an act for, and I cling to him like ivy to a brick wall.....
It's taken many years but I've come to understand that it is normal behavior for many people to not follow through on what they say they're going to do. I used to get very angry when this happened to me. I know now that they seldom mean anything by it and I shouldn't take it as rejection. I still don't like it and I don't understand it any better but I don't angry anymore.
I don't know if this is an aspie thing or not, but I won't make a commitment to anyone unless I'm quite sure I can follow through. Even if I really don't feel like it when the time comes, I'll do it anyway.
it is normal behavior for many people to not follow through on what they say they're going to do. Ugh. The big thing that we've learned is that people don't always mean what they say. Like a person that is angry at you telling you that they hate you. Took us years to realize that that's an emotional reaction, and not the truth as they intellectually believe it. - Dana
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Although the bullying thing for me stopped because I beat up the other kids. I was always the smallest and youngest in class so I usually had to establish myself as someone not to push around early on in the school year.
Although the one area we differ is I focused on verbal and written communication and not on physical. I used humor as a way to fit in because I went to an all boy high school so the fighting thing while successful was not a good long term strategy.
Either way it's a pain. Communication is so vital to everything, not being to convey my thoughts to someone is a recipe for disaster. I've often thought about all the people I lost as friends because of this very problem. Oh well. You can't change the past.
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I don't know if this is an aspie thing or not, but I won't make a commitment to anyone unless I'm quite sure I can follow through. Even if I really don't feel like it when the time comes, I'll do it anyway.
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Ugh. The big thing that we've learned is that people don't always mean what they say. Like a person that is angry at you telling you that they hate you. Took us years to realize that that's an emotional reaction, and not the truth as they intellectually believe it.
- Dana
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Fear not, for you will find many similarities here. I certainly identified with the abuse, certain communication aspects, trying to mimic behaviors...
I hope you have a better time at this community. People from our planet are pretty cool.
Though I will say... tarring and feathering should still be a punishment. Your teacher (and likely others) deserve it.
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