Gaah. I had a person try to do this to me, except she was an adult. She kept trying to get me to wear 'girl-clothes' and every time she said it, I had to fight not to punch her in the face.*
Try to tell the girl, flat out, to knock it the hell off, or else you'll avoid her completely? If she's not respecting you, she's definetly not a friend.
*I have had Issues in the past where kids asked me if I was a boy or a girl. Therefor, I have a really bad knee-jerk reaction to it. It took my Mom telling her to knock it off for her to get it, and I never got an apology.
Oh, dear. She really is trying to help, and has no idea how it comes across to you! She's found something that changed her life and wants to convert everybody who seems to need it - just like an evangelist, poor thing. I could suggest some things to tell her, but would she listen
( ... )
ETA: I decided to also add that clothes, makeup, etc. can be more enjoyable if one approaches them from the point of view of decorating one's body rather than attempting conformity. This is from the perspective of someone who is sensory seeking regarding colour (bright, especially yellow) and texture (soft), though.
This is true. I loved trying on my mother's stuff as a child just because of that, which is when I began to learn that heels, while pretty, are not worth the discomfort. I only like picking clothes to buy when I'm considering them as nice things, and not worrying about what it'll look like to others, or what I'll wear it for.
I agree with all of this. I have a friend who occasionally lets her hair turn into a greaseball or wears clothes that don't fit her anymore and thinks she looks good because her haircut is cute or because her skirt used to look really nice on her...it's hard to say anything to her because she gets so defensive, but really, if washing your hair 1 more time per week would make such a difference, I would want to know. It's not that I think she's not OK the way she is, it's that I don't think she SEES what we all see-her greasy hair doesn't look dirty to her. it's one of those situations where I really don't know what to do except compliment her when she's not doing those things with a general "you look nice today" or something.
maybe that's terrible, but it's hard to see something so fixable like that and let your friend walk around like that. Maybe the OP's friend feels similarly, and just doesn't realize that the range of issues she's encompassing are not all that important.
Well, it sounds like you know exactly what you want to say to her. The next time she starts in on what you "ought" to do about your appearance, say something like "You know, I appreciate what you are trying to do for me but it makes me feel really uncomfortable when you try to change me. In fact, the changes you are trying to push on me violate my core values. I'd really like to be friends with you still, so can we just create a clear boundary about this?"
Unfortunately we can't change what others say and do, only how we react to them ..
It seems to me you are quite wise and know what she is telling you is rubbish - it's an opinion, but that doesn't make it fact!
And for the record, women do NOT need to wear make-up, or fancy clothes, shave, or even brush their hair - I don't own or do any of those things - I don't even wear shoes when I go out! And my self esteem is just fine, and yes people respect me too :D
She is just projecting her own poor self esteem onto you, and that is sad because she is clearly very sucked in to the superficial misconception caused by the brainwashing of advertisements/film industry etc ..
Real people know better than to judge others full stop, and certainly not based on what they look like .. That's just foolish .. So try not to take her opinions personally, it says far more about her as an individual than anything about you {{hugs}}
As long as Hygiene is maintained, Go for what you want and only that (unless, as you've said, it's for jobs or the like).
I've had the opposite problem- I dress Feminine/keep my hair long and get flack for not wearing pants. My reason is none of their business, and what I wear isn't either. (I wear skirts because pants GENERALLY make my sensory issues act up.) To add to the mix, I don't really identify as either gender. :-/
There are a lot of really good suggestions here. :)
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Try to tell the girl, flat out, to knock it the hell off, or else you'll avoid her completely? If she's not respecting you, she's definetly not a friend.
*I have had Issues in the past where kids asked me if I was a boy or a girl. Therefor, I have a really bad knee-jerk reaction to it. It took my Mom telling her to knock it off for her to get it, and I never got an apology.
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ETA: I decided to also add that clothes, makeup, etc. can be more enjoyable if one approaches them from the point of view of decorating one's body rather than attempting conformity. This is from the perspective of someone who is sensory seeking regarding colour (bright, especially yellow) and texture (soft), though.
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maybe that's terrible, but it's hard to see something so fixable like that and let your friend walk around like that. Maybe the OP's friend feels similarly, and just doesn't realize that the range of issues she's encompassing are not all that important.
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It seems to me you are quite wise and know what she is telling you is rubbish - it's an opinion, but that doesn't make it fact!
And for the record, women do NOT need to wear make-up, or fancy clothes, shave, or even brush their hair - I don't own or do any of those things - I don't even wear shoes when I go out! And my self esteem is just fine, and yes people respect me too :D
She is just projecting her own poor self esteem onto you, and that is sad because she is clearly very sucked in to the superficial misconception caused by the brainwashing of advertisements/film industry etc ..
Real people know better than to judge others full stop, and certainly not based on what they look like .. That's just foolish .. So try not to take her opinions personally, it says far more about her as an individual than anything about you {{hugs}}
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But welcome!
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I've had the opposite problem- I dress Feminine/keep my hair long and get flack for not wearing pants. My reason is none of their business, and what I wear isn't either. (I wear skirts because pants GENERALLY make my sensory issues act up.) To add to the mix, I don't really identify as either gender. :-/
There are a lot of really good suggestions here. :)
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