eye-contact timing

[truegrit]

So I was just reading Khaybee's recent introductory post, and she mentioned that she has a sort of timing worked out for how long to maintain eye contact during a conversation. So, for Khaybee and anyone else: how long do you think is normal to maintain eye contact before glancing away? And how long do you glance away for? Etc....

Comments

[khaybee]

In my experience, it works better if you attach it to the subject you're speaking on. In a job interview, you would want to look at eyes while you are being asked a question and at the beginning of your answer. As you continue with your answer, you can look up and to the side, but should avoid down. If someone interrupts, look at their eyes. It can be very helpful to practice with an NT, but in my experience they can tell you if you're doing well, but not what you're doing wrong, as they have never had to analyse it. Good luck!

[truegrit]

thank you - that makes sense. and about NTs - i've had this conversation a few times: "So, do you really maintain eye contact with someone the whole time you're talking to them" "Yes, I really do." "Really? The whole time? Your eyes stay locked on theirs and you don't move them away for more than a moment?" "Hmm... I guess not. Not the whole time, then." Not that it's an NT's responsibility to diligently chart and monitor their eye-contact habits, but it is kind of crazy to me how many people just do it without thinking about it.

[velvetgunpowder]

Indeed! I always assumed that, though my rate and frequency of eye contact was different, others actually had some consideration into it as well. I have decent enough eye contact but anyone close to me has noticed how I really cannot keep my attention at someone's eyes even if I am interested in what's being said.

[zwitterleichnam]

I have a hard time with eye contact too. I've recently begun to pay more attention to this fact, and I came to realise so far it's either all or nothing -when someone talks to me, I look at them right in the eye the whole time without ever looking away, because I'm self-conscious about it, though I find it somewhat awkward. Sometimes I end up putting so much effort into doing so that I don't even understand what my interlocutor is saying.
But when it's my turn to speak, I usually talk to the surroundings and never look at the person. I'm trying to find a compromise ; sometimes it helps if I look at different parts of my interlocutor's face instead of directly into their eyes.

In the end, I suppose it's more easily accepted to look away when you are speaking, but when it's the other person's turn, it is more polite to try and make eye contact with them -I think they take it as a sign you're interested and paying attention to what they're saying.

[sparkly_stuff]

I tend to look at other parts of their face than their eyes...for example their forehead, hair or mouth. That way you're still looking in the right direction and I've found NTs don't notice the difference.

Also, has anyone noticed they have an easier time looking in the eyes of someone you are close to? For example I can never make eye contact with a stranger, but I have an easier time with my mom or my trusted friends (it's still a conscious effort, but it doesn't overwhelm me nearly as much). Or is it just me? (I am a mild Aspie).

[kisekileia]

Yes, I have a much easier time looking in the eyes of people I'm close to or comfortable with, and in situations where I'm comfortable. When I'm not stressed I'm pretty good with eye contact, but after I found out we were stocking a Jenny McCarthy book at work I had trouble making eye contact with customers for the rest of the day and the day after.

[acediance]

Oh no, it's not just you. I have a hard time making eye contact with, say, random cashiers in the grocery store or strangers on the street. But I have very little problems with very close friends/family.

[analkant]

Well, I ONLY use eye contact during job interviews, and, in that case, I wait for the person I'm looking at to look away. That, or if it becomes too uncomfortable or I need to think about something before saying it.

[kisekileia]

I glance away to random locations every few seconds.

[crazyredhead888]

I do that too. And apparently I blink excessively.