Fic: Accio Romance: HP/SM Part 1 of 3
Accio Romance
Pairing: Harry Potter/Scorpius Malfoy
Written for: hp_cross_fest
Beta'd by: The awesome ladies: bk7brokemybrain and la_dissonance
Summary: Harry is coerced into using a new Wizard dating service.
A little over 10K complete (In 3 parts), Rated NC17. A little campy/crack/humor mixed with romance.
Part 2
Accio Romance
I. The Proposal
“Mr. Potter, your two-fifteen is here.”
Harry tapped the magical intercom with his wand. “Thanks, Matilda, send him in.” He rose from his desk, straightened the sleeves of his blazer, and strode across his office. The genuine smile he wore was erased when he opened the door to Draco Malfoy. Harry gritted his teeth. “My meeting’s with Scorpius.”
Scorpius pushed past his father and rolled his eyes. “I’m here, Harry.” He slipped past Harry and snagged the most comfortable chair in the office. Harry glared at Draco. Other than longer hair, the man had barely changed since Hogwarts. If Harry didn't know better, he'd be hard pressed to tell Draco was his age. Harry sighed. Sure, he was still in good shape himself, and young for a Wizard, but his face had taken on crows' feet and laugh lines. Finally, just when his staring was probably becoming uncomfortable, Harry stepped aside and allowed Draco into the office.
Harry perched on the edge of his desk, leaving the second chair, the straight-backed, uncomfortable one, for Draco. He crossed his jeans-clad legs at the ankle feeling suddenly under dressed in his own office. What, with Draco wearing an impeccably tailored suit under a wool overcoat. The only time Harry dressed up was when he met with his charity's board of directors. He turned to Scorpius. “So, you wanted to talk about a business venture?”
Draco cleared his throat. “My son is starting his own company and looking for your help.” He shot Scorpius an angry look. “As much as I tried to talk him out of this, he’s determined.”
“Father, if I’m old enough to start my own company, then I’m old enough to speak for myself.”
“As long as you’re using Malfoy money to fund this joke of a company, Scorpius, I will have my say.” Draco folded his arms over his chest.
Harry frowned at Draco. The man was as much a git now as he’d been in school. “I’m a busy man, Malfoy, so stop wasting my time and let your son talk.” He often wondered how Scorpius had turned out so well. When the boy had first come to visit the Potter household when he was twelve, Harry had wanted desperately to dislike him, but Al's best friend turned out to be a wonderful kid.
Scorpius held up his hands in mock surrender. “Truce. Okay?”
Draco closed his eyes for a moment and nodded.
Harry slowly took his eyes off Draco and turned to smile at Scorpius. “So, what’s the business idea, Scorp?”
With a dramatic flourish, Scorpius said, “Accio Romance!”
Draco groaned.
Harry snorted. The two older men looked at each other. Harry burst out laughing, while Draco rolled his eyes. Only Scorpius could ever bring them to something resembling peace. Well, Scorpius or Al.
“Hey! I’m being serious,” Scorpius huffed.
Harry hid his grin behind his hand. “Of course you are, Scorp. So what exactly is Accio Romance?”
“A magical dating service.” Scorpius stood and began pacing Harry’s office. “Sure, Wizards have had Matchmakers for centuries, but at best they've only matched candidates by personality or family rank. With Accio Romance, we’ll, of course, compare personalities, but then add a magical compatibility component. I'll be using Muggle computers for the task and I’ve already written a program for the process.” He stopped pacing to grin at Harry.
“It’s an interesting idea, but if you’ve already got financial backing, I don’t see where I fit in.” Harry paled. “Unless… you wouldn’t, would you?”
Draco smirked. “If you’re asking whether my son would trade on your celebrity to launch his new venture, then the answer is yes.”
Before Harry could respond, Scorpius strode to the desk and sat down next to him. “I know you don’t like attention, but Al thought that if you heard the idea you might be willing to help.” He batted his eyelashes.
Thank Merlin, he doesn’t know what that does to me. Harry thought. “Okay. I’ll listen, but only because you’re like part of the family.”
Draco snorted. “The day a Malfoy is a part of the Potter family is the day every portrait in the Malfoy Gallery douses itself with paint thinner and flings itself into the fireplace.”
Scorpius pointed a finger at his father. “You said Al was part of our family when you let him see the secret Malfoy potions recipes.”
Draco waved a well manicured hand. “That's completely different. It's an honor to be considered part of the Malfoy family, but as for Potters...”
Before Harry could object to the insult, Scorpius said, “But Al is a Potter.”
“Yes, well, maybe he learned higher standards from being your friend.”
Harry'd heard enough. “Hey, my family...”
Scorpius scooted closer, invading Harry's space and temporarily silencing him. “Since I left Hogwarts, I’ve been looking for something to catch my interest and I believe I’ve found it.”
“I’m glad for you, but…”
“All I’m asking is for you to be one of the first to try the new service. You go out on some dates, have a little fun, and it’ll all be charged to Accio Romance. Great, right?”
Harry swallowed hard. “You do realize my marriage to Ginny ended when I finally admitted I’m gay.”
“Of course,” Scorpius said. “That’s what makes this so perfect. You see, I plan on offering matchmaking services to witches and wizards of all sexual orientations. I’ve already lined up some familiar names for a heterosexual match-up as well as a lesbian one. All I need now is a gay man. You'd be perfect."
“I don’t think I’m ready for this.” Harry ran a hand through his hair. He knew Scorpius wouldn't let such a lame excuse fly, so he grasped at the first idea that entered his head. “Anyway, I head a charitable organization. What will people think if I’m running around dating a bunch of guys?”
“Maybe they’ll finally realize you have a pulse,” Draco drawled.
Harry scowled.
Scorpius rested a hand on Harry’s forearm. “It’ll only be three dates. Please, Harry?”
When Scorpius batted his eyelashes again, Harry jumped from the desk. He had not, and would not, ever admit that he’d finally-finally- figured out he was gay two years ago after seeing a seventeen-year-old Scorpius Malfoy wanking in the shower. Why the boy hadn't locked the door, Harry'd never figured out. But that vision had never truly left him and when Scorp turned on the charm, Harry’s cock did an appreciative little dance.
“I… I don’t think this is a good idea. For me, I mean. It sounds like it could be a success, but I don’t think I should be involved.”
“Potter, you’re blushing and stammering.” Draco grinned wickedly. “How charming.”
Harry took several deep breaths. When he believed he could move without hexing Draco, he shook his head and said, “I work with families… children. Advertising my sexual preferences wouldn’t be good for this organization.”
“Don’t be daft, Potter,” Draco said. “So Hermione came up with a way to unblock Squibs’ magic, and you train them once they have it. I’m sure the world is a better place now that Argus Filch can brandish a wand.”
Harry’s eyes flared. If there was one thing you didn’t denigrate, it was his cause. “I’ll have you know that Argus’s help was vital in perfecting the technique and he is now a very skilled wizard.”
Draco snorted. “A skilled janitor, you mean.”
Scorpius jumped off the desk and approached Harry, placing a hand on his shoulder. “Please, Harry? I promise my company’s going to be classy and I’ll set you up on dates with three good blokes.” He did the eyelash thing again and Harry’s heart stuttered. “Please?”
“Yes, Potter. Help the boy out. You profess to being fond of him, after all. In fact, do this and I will donate a thousand Galleons to your miserable charity.”
Even Harry Potter couldn’t ignore a thousand-Galleon donation.
“Let me run this by Ginny and the kids. I’ll get back to you tomorrow.”
Draco stood and moved toward the door. “What? Does she even pick out your underwear, Potter?”
If Harry wasn’t at work, he would have flattened Malfoy. Draco… not Scorpius. Not that he’d mind flattening Scorpius, but just in a different way.
II. Concede
Three days later, Harry walked into the new offices of Accio Romance. He had to squelch the compulsion to slink into the building as if he were visiting a whorehouse. Once inside, he was greeted by Scorpius and, to his dismay, Draco.
“Can’t you let your son run his own business?”
“For your information, Potter, I’m only here to give you the promised donation. But since you find me so offensive, perhaps I’ll stay on for your interview. Unless, of course, you’re afraid to let me know the sordid details of your life.”
Harry straightened his shoulders, chasing the illusion of height that he could never quite catch. “I have nothing to hide, Malfoy. But I do find it interesting that you’re so curious about me. Will you be entering your name into the pool of potential candidates?”
Malfoy stepped close enough to loom over Harry. “Unlike you, Potter, my sexual preferences are more socially acceptable.”
Scorpius stepped between the two men, placing a hand on both their chests. “Remember, Father, gay son in the room.”
With a dismissive wave of his hand, Draco stepped back. “Anything a Malfoy does is socially acceptable.”
Harry barked out a strangled laugh. It was difficult to throw barbs at Draco when Scorpius’s hand was still pressed warmly against his chest.
“Of course it is,” Scorpius said. He dropped his hand from Harry and moved to pull three chairs out from a wooden conference table. He motioned the men over and sat in the middle chair between them. “If you’re staying, Father, you will keep quiet and behave. Harry, if you want him to leave, just say so.”
Harry shook his head. He wasn’t going to let Malfoy win.
The magical testing took only moments. Scorpius waved his wand over Harry and then inserted the wand into a specially built receptacle within his laptop. The computer’s screen scrolled through a quick succession of charts and graphs before beeping. “There, we have the information about your magic.” He pulled up a document on the computer screen and poised his fingers over the keyboard. “I’ve already filled in the basics: Name, birth date, and such, but now I have to ask you the more personal questions.”
Harry spent the next half hour talking about his hobbies, favorite foods, political leanings, spiritual beliefs, and favorite sports teams. That was the easy stuff. It was when Scorpius began asking questions about romantic preferences that Harry stumbled. “Do you like men who are shorter or taller than you?”
Draco snorted. “The only men shorter than Potter are Leprechauns... or Flitwick.”
Harry ignored Draco, but he felt his face heat. Leave it to the git to suss out Harry’s biggest sore spot. “No preference.”
Scorpius clicked on the appropriate box, then asked, “Eye, hair, or skin color? Build?”
That took some thinking. Harry had spent the last two years trying to deny his attraction to the willowy blond next to him, but he had also lusted after ginger-haired Charlie Weasley’s muscular build. Then there was the dark… Harry cut off those thoughts. “No preference.”
Draco’s eyes narrowed. “Don’t lie, Potter. You were thinking of someone.”
“I was thinking of several someones and they all have different builds and hair color.”
Scorpius dropped his hands from the keyboard and slumped back in his chair. “It really would be better, Harry, if you gave me some particulars. Tell me this: who was the first man you were ever attracted to?”
A memory of dark hair and sallow skin leapt to Harry’s mind. “I… I don’t remember…”
Draco pushed away from the table and pointed a finger at Harry. “I’ve always been able to tell when you’re lying. What are you hiding, Potter?” A smirk slowly formed. “Was it me? Was I your first boy-crush?”
This time, Harry snorted. “Merlin, no! That’s just… that’s just sick.”
Scorpius snorted. “And here I thought I was quite good looking, but considering people say I look like my father…”
Harry cut him off. “It has nothing to do with looks and everything to do with personality.” Harry's gaze flitted from Draco to Scorpius. Yes, they did look somewhat alike, but Scorpius's face was fuller, softer. His mouth a bit wider, and his eyes darker. All in all, the boy was a much improved version of a Malfoy. Probably Astoria's genetic influence.
Draco rose to his feet. “Sorry you find me so offensive, Potter. But believe me, the feeling’s mutual.” He paced away from the table. “So… I can tell you’re embarrassed by your first crush, so if not me, then who?” He took only two steps before he turned back to Harry, gray eyes glittering. "I have four guesses and one of them will be right. Are you ready?”
“I won’t play your games, Malfoy.”
“Neville Longbottom.”
Harry almost sagged with relief. If Draco was going in this direction, he’d never hit on the person in question. “Right. It was Neville. Can we get on with this now?”
“Alastor Moody!”
This time Harry almost choked on the sip of water he’d just taken.
“Father, this is getting a little…”
“Sirius Black…”
Harry jumped to his feet. “How dare you! Sirius was like a father to me!”
Draco shrugged. “One more guess.” He grinned.
Harry knew in that instant that Draco had saved his true guess for last.
Closing the distance between them in three strides, Draco leaned in close to Harry’s ear and whispered, “Severus Snape.”
Harry slumped back down into his chair.
Draco crowed.
III. First Date
The press met Harry outside Accio Romance. He silently cursed Scorpius for turning this into a media event.
“Do you think you’ll meet Mr. Right tonight?”
“Are you taking your date to dinner?”
“Do you put out on the first date?”
Harry pushed through the door without answering. Scorpius met him in the reception area. “Sorry about the reporters. There was only supposed to be one. Someone must have leaked the information.”
Harry scowled. “Your father, no doubt.”
Scorpius frowned. “Why that…” he muttered.
Pushing open Scorpius’s office door, Harry led the way in. “Don’t worry about it. Just give me the bad news. Who’m I dating tonight?”
“It’s not bad news.” Scorpius picked up a file and leafed through it. “Since you didn’t have any physical preferences, I set up three completely different dates for you. The one tonight is with an athletic bloke about your age.” He skimmed his finger down a page. “He’s got brown hair and eyes-name’s Marcus Hillstrandt.”
Harry only just stopped himself from pulling the file from Scorpius’s hands. “I don’t remember any Hillstrandts from Hogwarts.”
“Says here he was privately schooled.” Scorpius shrugged. “Seems like a nice enough bloke. He mentioned something about a boat ride before dinner, though, so I hope you weren’t planning on an early meal.”
As if on cue, Harry’s stomach rumbled. Scorpius smirked and plucked an apple from a bowl on his desk, tossing it to Harry.
“Did you read through the dating rulebook?” Scorpius asked. He dug another apple out of the bowl and bit into it.
“It’s a date, not a potions experiment.”
“Ah, but Accio Romance is a service catering to those who want to find a life partner, not a quick one-off. We follow an old courting ritual that’s simple in nature, but particularly binding.”
Harry paled. “You didn’t tell me that.”
“It was in the literature.” Scorpius frowned. “But don’t worry, Harry. There are three elements to the courtship, and as long as you steer clear of at least one, you won’t have any trouble.”
Harry sat down and looked at his half-eaten apple, suddenly no longer hungry. “What do I need to avoid?”
“To be bound by the courtship rules, the suitor has to make his intentions known, buy you a meal, and then present you with a gift. Really, you have nothing to worry about. All your dates will be compensated by Accio Romance. So, no one will be buying you dinner.”
Harry nodded. That seemed easy enough. “So the guy would have to come right out and tell me he wants to court me, or vice versa?”
Scorpius grinned. “No. See that’s the beauty of it! Since you’re both using this service, the intent is already considered present. Cool, yeah?”
“So anyone I meet here I should just consider as intentioned?”
Scorpius nodded.
“Just curious. If I found a guy I wanted to enter a courtship with, and all three things were done, what would the courtship entail?”
“You’d date him exclusively for sixth months and you’d have to spend at least a little time together pretty much every day.”
*******
Meeting a blind date in front of reporters was hell on earth. At least Marcus was handsome. And his body certainly looked promising: muscled arms rippling against his shirtsleeves, a broad chest filtering down to slim hips.
The cameras had clicked a hundred times or so before Harry’s date threw an arm around his waist and Apparated them away. Harry had only a moment to hope Scorpius had done sufficient background checks on his dates before they arrived in a familiar location, the gates of Hogwarts. “I thought you didn’t attend Hogwarts.”
Marcus shrugged. “I didn’t, but I heard the Hogwarts lake is great for rowing. Since you're with me tonight, the Headmistress gave me permission to try it out. I can't wait!”
“So, we’re going rowing?” Didn’t sound like much of a date to Harry.
“I love rowing and a lake at night’s romantic.” Marcus threw one of his hefty arms over Harry’s shoulders. “It’s not every day a guy gets to go out with Harry Potter. You know, I always wished I’d gone to Hogwarts. I bet we would have been best mates. I’d have gone on the Horcrux search with you.”
Harry flinched. He hated these sorts of conversations. “Well, one never knows.”
The boat turned out to be one of those Hagrid used to ferry firsties across the lake. Marcus spelled the boat so it wouldn’t be magically propelled and then put his back into rowing. When they were gliding smoothly across the water, Harry gazed up at the castle silhouetted against the starry October sky. He had to admit (though only to himself) that this really was a nice location for a date. Two hours later, he reconsidered the notion. “Marcus, won’t we miss our dinner reservation if we stay out too long?”
Marcus pulled the oars into the boat and shifted over in his seat, rocking the tiny vessel. “We could start on dessert before dinner.” He patted the seat next to him.
“Sorry, no snogging on the first date,” Harry said.
Marcus dropped down to the floor of the boat and crawled to Harry. “Come on,” he purred as he sat his beefy hands on Harry’s thighs. “The Hero of the Wizarding World wouldn’t have balked at a late night rendezvous when he was at Hogwarts.”
Harry edged back on his seat-trouble was, his seat and the back of the boat were one and the same. “When I was at Hogwarts I was too busy saving my arse to worry about any rendezvous.” He swatted at Marcus’s hands to no avail.
Marcus crawled into Harry’s lap. “Now you can make up for lost time.”
The nose of the boat rose precariously into the air.
Harry was pretty sure his legs were either going to flatten or break in two. The man had to outweigh him two to one. He pushed at the bulk on his lap, but Marcus was as unmovable as a stone fortress. Harry took a deep breath, and, trying to keep the whine of pain out of his voice said, “Marcus, the only thing I’m interested in right now is getting back to shore and going home. Get off my lap and I’ll row us back.”
Marcus rubbed his hands up and down Harry’s arms. “I don’t think you have the muscle for it, love. But don’t take offence. That’s the way I like my men: small and helpless.”
Now that was too much. Harry shoved at the brute with all his strength. Marcus lost balance and toppled off Harry’s lap. The boat tipped backward, throwing them both into the freezing water. Harry floundered for a moment before reaching the upturned boat and grabbing hold. He glanced around the inky lake. “Marcus! Where the hell are you?”
Harry was grabbed from underneath and hauled under the water. He had just time to wonder if the Giant Squid would eat him now or save his drowned carcass for later, when Marcus pulled them both back out of the water, laughing. “Gotcha!” he yelled.
“Why the hell did you pull me under?” Harry demanded. “I’m not much of a swimmer. I could’ve drowned.”
Marcus frowned as he righted the boat. “You can’t drown, can you? I’ve heard about the Tri-Wizard tournament. You went under water for over an hour without using bubble-head or anything. Sure, they said you used Gillyweed, but I believe it’s some superpower you possess.” Marcus heaved himself onto the boat and reached out to drag Harry in by the collar.
“Superpower. Right.” Harry shivered as he unsheathed his wand and cast a drying charm over himself. “Okay, let’s get off this lake. I’ve had enough for one night.”
“We’ll have to Apparate. Lost the oars, you know,” Marcus said.
“You can’t Apparate on Hogwarts’ grounds.” Gods, how many times had Harry heard that from Hermione? “Just spell the boat so it moves by itself, like it normally does.”
Marcus performed the spell and the boat sped across the dark water. Half way to the shore, however, fat raindrops began to fall, soaking Harry within moments. He groaned and wished he’d never agreed to this stupidity.
It was midnight by the time they reached shore. They trudged across the grounds toward the gates, and when they reached them, Harry Apparated home without a word.
IV. Newsworthy I
From the Daily Prophet: Special Morning Edition:
Harry’s New Hunk
Wizarding world's most eligible divorcee has found a new romantic interest. A trustworthy source tells The Prophet that Harry Potter used new dating service, Accio Romance, to find his true love. Last night he was seen under the protective arm of folksinger/rower Marcus Hillstrandt. They made a striking couple, indeed. As we reported previously, Potter recently divorced his wife of twenty-three years after admitting he is gay. Although Ginny Weasley Potter has appeared amicable toward her ex-husband, one wonders how she will take the news of his first post-divorce love interest. We wish these two men the best of luck!
Part 2
Pairing: Harry Potter/Scorpius Malfoy
Written for: hp_cross_fest
Beta'd by: The awesome ladies: bk7brokemybrain and la_dissonance
Summary: Harry is coerced into using a new Wizard dating service.
A little over 10K complete (In 3 parts), Rated NC17. A little campy/crack/humor mixed with romance.
Part 2
Accio Romance
I. The Proposal
“Mr. Potter, your two-fifteen is here.”
Harry tapped the magical intercom with his wand. “Thanks, Matilda, send him in.” He rose from his desk, straightened the sleeves of his blazer, and strode across his office. The genuine smile he wore was erased when he opened the door to Draco Malfoy. Harry gritted his teeth. “My meeting’s with Scorpius.”
Scorpius pushed past his father and rolled his eyes. “I’m here, Harry.” He slipped past Harry and snagged the most comfortable chair in the office. Harry glared at Draco. Other than longer hair, the man had barely changed since Hogwarts. If Harry didn't know better, he'd be hard pressed to tell Draco was his age. Harry sighed. Sure, he was still in good shape himself, and young for a Wizard, but his face had taken on crows' feet and laugh lines. Finally, just when his staring was probably becoming uncomfortable, Harry stepped aside and allowed Draco into the office.
Harry perched on the edge of his desk, leaving the second chair, the straight-backed, uncomfortable one, for Draco. He crossed his jeans-clad legs at the ankle feeling suddenly under dressed in his own office. What, with Draco wearing an impeccably tailored suit under a wool overcoat. The only time Harry dressed up was when he met with his charity's board of directors. He turned to Scorpius. “So, you wanted to talk about a business venture?”
Draco cleared his throat. “My son is starting his own company and looking for your help.” He shot Scorpius an angry look. “As much as I tried to talk him out of this, he’s determined.”
“Father, if I’m old enough to start my own company, then I’m old enough to speak for myself.”
“As long as you’re using Malfoy money to fund this joke of a company, Scorpius, I will have my say.” Draco folded his arms over his chest.
Harry frowned at Draco. The man was as much a git now as he’d been in school. “I’m a busy man, Malfoy, so stop wasting my time and let your son talk.” He often wondered how Scorpius had turned out so well. When the boy had first come to visit the Potter household when he was twelve, Harry had wanted desperately to dislike him, but Al's best friend turned out to be a wonderful kid.
Scorpius held up his hands in mock surrender. “Truce. Okay?”
Draco closed his eyes for a moment and nodded.
Harry slowly took his eyes off Draco and turned to smile at Scorpius. “So, what’s the business idea, Scorp?”
With a dramatic flourish, Scorpius said, “Accio Romance!”
Draco groaned.
Harry snorted. The two older men looked at each other. Harry burst out laughing, while Draco rolled his eyes. Only Scorpius could ever bring them to something resembling peace. Well, Scorpius or Al.
“Hey! I’m being serious,” Scorpius huffed.
Harry hid his grin behind his hand. “Of course you are, Scorp. So what exactly is Accio Romance?”
“A magical dating service.” Scorpius stood and began pacing Harry’s office. “Sure, Wizards have had Matchmakers for centuries, but at best they've only matched candidates by personality or family rank. With Accio Romance, we’ll, of course, compare personalities, but then add a magical compatibility component. I'll be using Muggle computers for the task and I’ve already written a program for the process.” He stopped pacing to grin at Harry.
“It’s an interesting idea, but if you’ve already got financial backing, I don’t see where I fit in.” Harry paled. “Unless… you wouldn’t, would you?”
Draco smirked. “If you’re asking whether my son would trade on your celebrity to launch his new venture, then the answer is yes.”
Before Harry could respond, Scorpius strode to the desk and sat down next to him. “I know you don’t like attention, but Al thought that if you heard the idea you might be willing to help.” He batted his eyelashes.
Thank Merlin, he doesn’t know what that does to me. Harry thought. “Okay. I’ll listen, but only because you’re like part of the family.”
Draco snorted. “The day a Malfoy is a part of the Potter family is the day every portrait in the Malfoy Gallery douses itself with paint thinner and flings itself into the fireplace.”
Scorpius pointed a finger at his father. “You said Al was part of our family when you let him see the secret Malfoy potions recipes.”
Draco waved a well manicured hand. “That's completely different. It's an honor to be considered part of the Malfoy family, but as for Potters...”
Before Harry could object to the insult, Scorpius said, “But Al is a Potter.”
“Yes, well, maybe he learned higher standards from being your friend.”
Harry'd heard enough. “Hey, my family...”
Scorpius scooted closer, invading Harry's space and temporarily silencing him. “Since I left Hogwarts, I’ve been looking for something to catch my interest and I believe I’ve found it.”
“I’m glad for you, but…”
“All I’m asking is for you to be one of the first to try the new service. You go out on some dates, have a little fun, and it’ll all be charged to Accio Romance. Great, right?”
Harry swallowed hard. “You do realize my marriage to Ginny ended when I finally admitted I’m gay.”
“Of course,” Scorpius said. “That’s what makes this so perfect. You see, I plan on offering matchmaking services to witches and wizards of all sexual orientations. I’ve already lined up some familiar names for a heterosexual match-up as well as a lesbian one. All I need now is a gay man. You'd be perfect."
“I don’t think I’m ready for this.” Harry ran a hand through his hair. He knew Scorpius wouldn't let such a lame excuse fly, so he grasped at the first idea that entered his head. “Anyway, I head a charitable organization. What will people think if I’m running around dating a bunch of guys?”
“Maybe they’ll finally realize you have a pulse,” Draco drawled.
Harry scowled.
Scorpius rested a hand on Harry’s forearm. “It’ll only be three dates. Please, Harry?”
When Scorpius batted his eyelashes again, Harry jumped from the desk. He had not, and would not, ever admit that he’d finally-finally- figured out he was gay two years ago after seeing a seventeen-year-old Scorpius Malfoy wanking in the shower. Why the boy hadn't locked the door, Harry'd never figured out. But that vision had never truly left him and when Scorp turned on the charm, Harry’s cock did an appreciative little dance.
“I… I don’t think this is a good idea. For me, I mean. It sounds like it could be a success, but I don’t think I should be involved.”
“Potter, you’re blushing and stammering.” Draco grinned wickedly. “How charming.”
Harry took several deep breaths. When he believed he could move without hexing Draco, he shook his head and said, “I work with families… children. Advertising my sexual preferences wouldn’t be good for this organization.”
“Don’t be daft, Potter,” Draco said. “So Hermione came up with a way to unblock Squibs’ magic, and you train them once they have it. I’m sure the world is a better place now that Argus Filch can brandish a wand.”
Harry’s eyes flared. If there was one thing you didn’t denigrate, it was his cause. “I’ll have you know that Argus’s help was vital in perfecting the technique and he is now a very skilled wizard.”
Draco snorted. “A skilled janitor, you mean.”
Scorpius jumped off the desk and approached Harry, placing a hand on his shoulder. “Please, Harry? I promise my company’s going to be classy and I’ll set you up on dates with three good blokes.” He did the eyelash thing again and Harry’s heart stuttered. “Please?”
“Yes, Potter. Help the boy out. You profess to being fond of him, after all. In fact, do this and I will donate a thousand Galleons to your miserable charity.”
Even Harry Potter couldn’t ignore a thousand-Galleon donation.
“Let me run this by Ginny and the kids. I’ll get back to you tomorrow.”
Draco stood and moved toward the door. “What? Does she even pick out your underwear, Potter?”
If Harry wasn’t at work, he would have flattened Malfoy. Draco… not Scorpius. Not that he’d mind flattening Scorpius, but just in a different way.
II. Concede
Three days later, Harry walked into the new offices of Accio Romance. He had to squelch the compulsion to slink into the building as if he were visiting a whorehouse. Once inside, he was greeted by Scorpius and, to his dismay, Draco.
“Can’t you let your son run his own business?”
“For your information, Potter, I’m only here to give you the promised donation. But since you find me so offensive, perhaps I’ll stay on for your interview. Unless, of course, you’re afraid to let me know the sordid details of your life.”
Harry straightened his shoulders, chasing the illusion of height that he could never quite catch. “I have nothing to hide, Malfoy. But I do find it interesting that you’re so curious about me. Will you be entering your name into the pool of potential candidates?”
Malfoy stepped close enough to loom over Harry. “Unlike you, Potter, my sexual preferences are more socially acceptable.”
Scorpius stepped between the two men, placing a hand on both their chests. “Remember, Father, gay son in the room.”
With a dismissive wave of his hand, Draco stepped back. “Anything a Malfoy does is socially acceptable.”
Harry barked out a strangled laugh. It was difficult to throw barbs at Draco when Scorpius’s hand was still pressed warmly against his chest.
“Of course it is,” Scorpius said. He dropped his hand from Harry and moved to pull three chairs out from a wooden conference table. He motioned the men over and sat in the middle chair between them. “If you’re staying, Father, you will keep quiet and behave. Harry, if you want him to leave, just say so.”
Harry shook his head. He wasn’t going to let Malfoy win.
The magical testing took only moments. Scorpius waved his wand over Harry and then inserted the wand into a specially built receptacle within his laptop. The computer’s screen scrolled through a quick succession of charts and graphs before beeping. “There, we have the information about your magic.” He pulled up a document on the computer screen and poised his fingers over the keyboard. “I’ve already filled in the basics: Name, birth date, and such, but now I have to ask you the more personal questions.”
Harry spent the next half hour talking about his hobbies, favorite foods, political leanings, spiritual beliefs, and favorite sports teams. That was the easy stuff. It was when Scorpius began asking questions about romantic preferences that Harry stumbled. “Do you like men who are shorter or taller than you?”
Draco snorted. “The only men shorter than Potter are Leprechauns... or Flitwick.”
Harry ignored Draco, but he felt his face heat. Leave it to the git to suss out Harry’s biggest sore spot. “No preference.”
Scorpius clicked on the appropriate box, then asked, “Eye, hair, or skin color? Build?”
That took some thinking. Harry had spent the last two years trying to deny his attraction to the willowy blond next to him, but he had also lusted after ginger-haired Charlie Weasley’s muscular build. Then there was the dark… Harry cut off those thoughts. “No preference.”
Draco’s eyes narrowed. “Don’t lie, Potter. You were thinking of someone.”
“I was thinking of several someones and they all have different builds and hair color.”
Scorpius dropped his hands from the keyboard and slumped back in his chair. “It really would be better, Harry, if you gave me some particulars. Tell me this: who was the first man you were ever attracted to?”
A memory of dark hair and sallow skin leapt to Harry’s mind. “I… I don’t remember…”
Draco pushed away from the table and pointed a finger at Harry. “I’ve always been able to tell when you’re lying. What are you hiding, Potter?” A smirk slowly formed. “Was it me? Was I your first boy-crush?”
This time, Harry snorted. “Merlin, no! That’s just… that’s just sick.”
Scorpius snorted. “And here I thought I was quite good looking, but considering people say I look like my father…”
Harry cut him off. “It has nothing to do with looks and everything to do with personality.” Harry's gaze flitted from Draco to Scorpius. Yes, they did look somewhat alike, but Scorpius's face was fuller, softer. His mouth a bit wider, and his eyes darker. All in all, the boy was a much improved version of a Malfoy. Probably Astoria's genetic influence.
Draco rose to his feet. “Sorry you find me so offensive, Potter. But believe me, the feeling’s mutual.” He paced away from the table. “So… I can tell you’re embarrassed by your first crush, so if not me, then who?” He took only two steps before he turned back to Harry, gray eyes glittering. "I have four guesses and one of them will be right. Are you ready?”
“I won’t play your games, Malfoy.”
“Neville Longbottom.”
Harry almost sagged with relief. If Draco was going in this direction, he’d never hit on the person in question. “Right. It was Neville. Can we get on with this now?”
“Alastor Moody!”
This time Harry almost choked on the sip of water he’d just taken.
“Father, this is getting a little…”
“Sirius Black…”
Harry jumped to his feet. “How dare you! Sirius was like a father to me!”
Draco shrugged. “One more guess.” He grinned.
Harry knew in that instant that Draco had saved his true guess for last.
Closing the distance between them in three strides, Draco leaned in close to Harry’s ear and whispered, “Severus Snape.”
Harry slumped back down into his chair.
Draco crowed.
III. First Date
The press met Harry outside Accio Romance. He silently cursed Scorpius for turning this into a media event.
“Do you think you’ll meet Mr. Right tonight?”
“Are you taking your date to dinner?”
“Do you put out on the first date?”
Harry pushed through the door without answering. Scorpius met him in the reception area. “Sorry about the reporters. There was only supposed to be one. Someone must have leaked the information.”
Harry scowled. “Your father, no doubt.”
Scorpius frowned. “Why that…” he muttered.
Pushing open Scorpius’s office door, Harry led the way in. “Don’t worry about it. Just give me the bad news. Who’m I dating tonight?”
“It’s not bad news.” Scorpius picked up a file and leafed through it. “Since you didn’t have any physical preferences, I set up three completely different dates for you. The one tonight is with an athletic bloke about your age.” He skimmed his finger down a page. “He’s got brown hair and eyes-name’s Marcus Hillstrandt.”
Harry only just stopped himself from pulling the file from Scorpius’s hands. “I don’t remember any Hillstrandts from Hogwarts.”
“Says here he was privately schooled.” Scorpius shrugged. “Seems like a nice enough bloke. He mentioned something about a boat ride before dinner, though, so I hope you weren’t planning on an early meal.”
As if on cue, Harry’s stomach rumbled. Scorpius smirked and plucked an apple from a bowl on his desk, tossing it to Harry.
“Did you read through the dating rulebook?” Scorpius asked. He dug another apple out of the bowl and bit into it.
“It’s a date, not a potions experiment.”
“Ah, but Accio Romance is a service catering to those who want to find a life partner, not a quick one-off. We follow an old courting ritual that’s simple in nature, but particularly binding.”
Harry paled. “You didn’t tell me that.”
“It was in the literature.” Scorpius frowned. “But don’t worry, Harry. There are three elements to the courtship, and as long as you steer clear of at least one, you won’t have any trouble.”
Harry sat down and looked at his half-eaten apple, suddenly no longer hungry. “What do I need to avoid?”
“To be bound by the courtship rules, the suitor has to make his intentions known, buy you a meal, and then present you with a gift. Really, you have nothing to worry about. All your dates will be compensated by Accio Romance. So, no one will be buying you dinner.”
Harry nodded. That seemed easy enough. “So the guy would have to come right out and tell me he wants to court me, or vice versa?”
Scorpius grinned. “No. See that’s the beauty of it! Since you’re both using this service, the intent is already considered present. Cool, yeah?”
“So anyone I meet here I should just consider as intentioned?”
Scorpius nodded.
“Just curious. If I found a guy I wanted to enter a courtship with, and all three things were done, what would the courtship entail?”
“You’d date him exclusively for sixth months and you’d have to spend at least a little time together pretty much every day.”
*******
Meeting a blind date in front of reporters was hell on earth. At least Marcus was handsome. And his body certainly looked promising: muscled arms rippling against his shirtsleeves, a broad chest filtering down to slim hips.
The cameras had clicked a hundred times or so before Harry’s date threw an arm around his waist and Apparated them away. Harry had only a moment to hope Scorpius had done sufficient background checks on his dates before they arrived in a familiar location, the gates of Hogwarts. “I thought you didn’t attend Hogwarts.”
Marcus shrugged. “I didn’t, but I heard the Hogwarts lake is great for rowing. Since you're with me tonight, the Headmistress gave me permission to try it out. I can't wait!”
“So, we’re going rowing?” Didn’t sound like much of a date to Harry.
“I love rowing and a lake at night’s romantic.” Marcus threw one of his hefty arms over Harry’s shoulders. “It’s not every day a guy gets to go out with Harry Potter. You know, I always wished I’d gone to Hogwarts. I bet we would have been best mates. I’d have gone on the Horcrux search with you.”
Harry flinched. He hated these sorts of conversations. “Well, one never knows.”
The boat turned out to be one of those Hagrid used to ferry firsties across the lake. Marcus spelled the boat so it wouldn’t be magically propelled and then put his back into rowing. When they were gliding smoothly across the water, Harry gazed up at the castle silhouetted against the starry October sky. He had to admit (though only to himself) that this really was a nice location for a date. Two hours later, he reconsidered the notion. “Marcus, won’t we miss our dinner reservation if we stay out too long?”
Marcus pulled the oars into the boat and shifted over in his seat, rocking the tiny vessel. “We could start on dessert before dinner.” He patted the seat next to him.
“Sorry, no snogging on the first date,” Harry said.
Marcus dropped down to the floor of the boat and crawled to Harry. “Come on,” he purred as he sat his beefy hands on Harry’s thighs. “The Hero of the Wizarding World wouldn’t have balked at a late night rendezvous when he was at Hogwarts.”
Harry edged back on his seat-trouble was, his seat and the back of the boat were one and the same. “When I was at Hogwarts I was too busy saving my arse to worry about any rendezvous.” He swatted at Marcus’s hands to no avail.
Marcus crawled into Harry’s lap. “Now you can make up for lost time.”
The nose of the boat rose precariously into the air.
Harry was pretty sure his legs were either going to flatten or break in two. The man had to outweigh him two to one. He pushed at the bulk on his lap, but Marcus was as unmovable as a stone fortress. Harry took a deep breath, and, trying to keep the whine of pain out of his voice said, “Marcus, the only thing I’m interested in right now is getting back to shore and going home. Get off my lap and I’ll row us back.”
Marcus rubbed his hands up and down Harry’s arms. “I don’t think you have the muscle for it, love. But don’t take offence. That’s the way I like my men: small and helpless.”
Now that was too much. Harry shoved at the brute with all his strength. Marcus lost balance and toppled off Harry’s lap. The boat tipped backward, throwing them both into the freezing water. Harry floundered for a moment before reaching the upturned boat and grabbing hold. He glanced around the inky lake. “Marcus! Where the hell are you?”
Harry was grabbed from underneath and hauled under the water. He had just time to wonder if the Giant Squid would eat him now or save his drowned carcass for later, when Marcus pulled them both back out of the water, laughing. “Gotcha!” he yelled.
“Why the hell did you pull me under?” Harry demanded. “I’m not much of a swimmer. I could’ve drowned.”
Marcus frowned as he righted the boat. “You can’t drown, can you? I’ve heard about the Tri-Wizard tournament. You went under water for over an hour without using bubble-head or anything. Sure, they said you used Gillyweed, but I believe it’s some superpower you possess.” Marcus heaved himself onto the boat and reached out to drag Harry in by the collar.
“Superpower. Right.” Harry shivered as he unsheathed his wand and cast a drying charm over himself. “Okay, let’s get off this lake. I’ve had enough for one night.”
“We’ll have to Apparate. Lost the oars, you know,” Marcus said.
“You can’t Apparate on Hogwarts’ grounds.” Gods, how many times had Harry heard that from Hermione? “Just spell the boat so it moves by itself, like it normally does.”
Marcus performed the spell and the boat sped across the dark water. Half way to the shore, however, fat raindrops began to fall, soaking Harry within moments. He groaned and wished he’d never agreed to this stupidity.
It was midnight by the time they reached shore. They trudged across the grounds toward the gates, and when they reached them, Harry Apparated home without a word.
IV. Newsworthy I
From the Daily Prophet: Special Morning Edition:
Harry’s New Hunk
Wizarding world's most eligible divorcee has found a new romantic interest. A trustworthy source tells The Prophet that Harry Potter used new dating service, Accio Romance, to find his true love. Last night he was seen under the protective arm of folksinger/rower Marcus Hillstrandt. They made a striking couple, indeed. As we reported previously, Potter recently divorced his wife of twenty-three years after admitting he is gay. Although Ginny Weasley Potter has appeared amicable toward her ex-husband, one wonders how she will take the news of his first post-divorce love interest. We wish these two men the best of luck!
Part 2