Diet

[askvoldemort]

I think I shall have to cut Muggles out of my diet. I had been dining on the blood of virgins, but this last one seems to have disagreed with me in some way. Perhaps she was not so pure as advertised. I shall have to have her family exterminated. I keep burping up impure blood. As if it was not disgusting enough going down the first time

Comments

[bellatrix_les]

My Lord, my blood is always willing to feed you. I'm here to receive orders, my Lord, always.
I have been searching for the Muggle who does the headers for the journal of the rest and failed a couple of times. Afterwards, Severus Snape helped me. I should have asked you first my Lord. Do you want your faithful servant to torture her?

[askvoldemort]

I prefer the pleas for life and shrieks of pain to most others. The empty heroic bits tend to get a bit whiney which gives me a migraine. It's just the sort of thing that little boy who should've died likes to say. It's rather irritating.

[zaki]

I can imagine. *nods sympathetically*

Pain and pleas. Got it. Ahem. Pardon me- I must get into the proper frame of mind.

*visits pottersues*

*reads latest entry. A Ginny-Sue today.*

Oh....dear lord...lesbian Sues.

Nimisha laughed again, Ginny was surprised at how nice this Slytherin girl was.

*eyes begin to burn*

Her eyes were the color of emeralds, her lips were like rubies. Ginny had a sudden strange urge to kiss those perfect lips.

OW.
*sweats and begins to quiver*

"Oh no! You're not boring! I would never think that! I just was admiring you're eyes they are gorgous." Ginny sputtered her ears turning a rosey shade of pink.

AAIIIEEEEEOOOOOWWWWWW!!! NOOOOOOO! STOP THE PAIN!! ANYTHING BUT THAT! TAKE MY EYES! MERCY! TAKE MY LIFE, JUST DON'T MAKE ME READ ANY MORE OF THIS! GAAAAAHHHH! A SPORK! I MUST SPORK OUT MY EYES! AAAAUUUUGGHHHH!! PLEASE! RELEASE MY FROM MY AGONY! MAKE IT STOP, MAKE IT STOOOOOP!! *closes that window

[askvoldemort]

Just that little bit that you had me read for this made me read filled me with the urge to kill all muggles again. CRUCIO THE AUTHOR.

But your screaming was nice.

[zaki]

Oh, believe you me, if I weren't a Muggle (and a sweetheart to boot), I'd track all the Sue authors down and curse 'em 'til the cows come home.

But alas, I am forever wandless and stuck with this damned conscience. Such is the cruel hand fate has dealt me...

But your screaming was nice.

Aw, shucks. *toes the ground blushingly* You're too kind.

*blinks*

Um, I mean, you're not kind at all! You're the tall, pale, scaley epitome of pitiless, sadistic evil!

[askvoldemort]

Muhhahahaha. I am Sadistic Evil!

You know, in the absence of a wand, you could easily take them out with a gun. If you were part of my organization, you would get a reward for ridding the world of that tripe.