Fic - Homestuck - Battlefield Terra chapter 4 (part 1 of 2)
I am officially persuaded that ths fic is voodoo. I can't stop writing it. It's going by SO FAST. The fuck is going on.
Characters/Pairings: John Egbert/Karkat Vantas, Alpha and Beta kids.
Contains: Discussions of potential rape & skeeviness, culture clashes, prisoner of war stuff, creepy bioware, xeno shenanigans.
Summary: Basically I threw Gundam and Evangelion in a blender and poured the resulting coat of gross paint onto Homestuck characters. Wooo. Or, John Egbert Is A Teenage PseudoGundam Pilot Out To Save The World, Karkat Vantas Is An Evil Conquering Alien From Space, They Eventually Make Out.
John woke up the next morning via a kick to the face. Or at least that was what he deduced while sitting on the floor with a blanket draped over half his face, his hand pressed to the explosion of pain in his cheekbone, watching the alien flail.
It was hard to be all that angry when Karkat didn't even seem awake.
"I take it the honeymoon's over?" came, rough-voiced, from the lower bunk at his back.
"Oh, shut it, Dirkface." John pushed himself up on his knees, pressed his hands on the edge of his mattress, and felt around for his glasses, so he could fix the level of ambient light without having to turn on a light and attract the Wrath of Dave. The alarm clock and electronic doodads all over the place gave the dormitory a permanent gloom, but it wasn't enough for details.
The alien was curled in a ball at the bottom end of the mattress. Yeah, John'd been right, his eyes were definitely closed. He kept twitching, though, eyebrows scrunching and jaw tensing and releasing, little bursts of aborted movement running all through his body, tightening his stranglehold on the pillow he'd wound himself around.
Definitely not a good dream.
"Karkat?" John tried to keep it at a whisper, worked hard as he could to reproduce the right sounds, the rolling R, the clacking tongue. "K'rkat, shh."
Okay, whispers weren't working. He stretched out over the mattress, cautious, and poked him in the knee.
If he hadn't been damn fast he would have gotten his hand kicked into pieces. He felt a rush of air as Karkat's foot scythed past his nose. "Whoa!"
"Arhit'zanikh-- uhn. Nn. ...Zhann? Sst'kh?"
Ouch. Now that had been a nice alien yell there at the start. From Dave's top bunk rose a sleepy but nevertheless pissed-off growl.
"Uh oh." John threw a look over his shoulder. Um. Yeah. Nothing was moving up there yet, but Dirk's cynical, amused look was clear as day. John jumped up on his feet and hurried to the wardrobe to get two changes of clothes. He palmed the door open, turned to look at his bed. "Karkat come with me hurry now now now!"
Karkat wrestled himself past the blankets and pillows in a great, baffled, half-asleep hurry and dashed to the door. John pulled him outside, flattened himself on the corridor wall the second he was past the doorway, and slapped the door control closed. The door whooshed closed only a fraction of second before something heavy thunked on it and thumped to the floor.
"Phew." He started laughing. "Okay, let's not stay here, what if Dave chases us."
"... Dev?" Karkat was squinting under the dimmed corridor lights, brow furrowed more with each passing second. "Dev n'ralekh akat--"
John was pretty sure he could translate, no matter that he couldn't parse even half the noises Karkat was making. The gist of it went 'Dave is such a massive dickhead seriously what the fuck I really don't like that guy.'
He shrugged. "He has other qualities! Being woken up early doesn't really let them shine. It's very sad and you should pity him for it."
"I can still hear you."
John snickered again and caught Karkat's wrist to tow him away.
"Zhann -- nrrh!"
This one sounded more like a frustrated noise than a word. Then again a lot of his words were frustrated noise. John pointed at the door. "Bathroom! Come with me."
Glower! Oh hey, maybe he just wanted his wrist back. John released him. He was about to need that hand to open the door anyway; his other hand was busy holding the clean clothes.
The lights were lit. "Morning!" he called as he walked in. "Anyone in here?"
Jake called out an indecipherable greeting from the boys' shower room. John could hear the water from here. He dumped his armload on a sink counter and pointed toward the toilets, eyebrows arched in question. Karkat gave a little grunt and went.
John had to take this guard thing seriously, or Rose would frown at him. Hrrm. "Jake? I gotta piss, mind keeping an eye out for escape attempts or I don't even know what?"
His half-twin emerged soapy and dripping from the door, lower body mostly hidden behind the edge. "Sure thing, but if he decamps I am not chasing him in my birthday suit."
"Yeah, yeah. Thanks."
John disappeared to another stall. When he came out Karkat was, to his great surprise, not still locked up, but leaning over a sink, giving his own reflection the stinkeye and stealing the half of Jake's naked self he could see past the doorjamb wary little glances. Jake gave John a salute as he reemerged and disappeared hurriedly, chanting "Cold cold cold~"
John went to wash his hands and drink some, and then turned to face the alien.
Karkat's hair was a royal mess, even worse than it had been after the goop, worse than after Roxy had a go at it. His horns weren't even visible, only a few flecks of gold showing through all those dark tangles. The shadows under his eyes were charcoal, his skin was a bit sticky-linty where he'd had electrodes glued on, and the hospital gown was good for the trashbin.
Um. Especially since sleeping in it had twisted it around a bit. Loosened the waist some. And now there was a slit of bared skin from mid-thigh up to the hollow of his hipbone, where the belly dipped in and kinda led the way to uh oh god this was steering way too close to alien crotch.
Not that he could see anything! But it was a matter of inches, really. A distressingly small number of inches.
"Hsssst."
"--Aha. Ha. Uh. Yeah. Shower time." Somehow showering all together in wholesome brotherhood seemed less weird than seeing him in that particular state of rumpled undress.
When he looked up Karkat looked weird, like he wanted to look away but wasn't letting himself, the tip of his ears grown darker, vaguely ruddier. Nervous.
"... Seriously you're not my type. I swear it's just morbid fascination. Come on, pal."
John started undressing in the locker room, dumping his old stained shirt on the floor to be thrown into the rag bin later on; his pants and underwear went in the laundry basket, as did his socks. He put his glasses in a locker with the changes of clothes, got clean towels, turned around. Karkat was staring at him from the doorway, claws digging in the wall like he was trying to anchor himself, kind of like 'you'll have to bring the wall along if you want me to take a step farther in'.
For a brief instant John was really tempted to throw up his hands and call Jake over so he could help drag Karkat under the shower and yank that stupid hospital thing off him. For fuck's sake.
No doubt there'd be blood on the tiles by the end if he did.
With a sigh, he tied a towel around his waist, making sure his crotch stayed hidden. He offered the second towel in silence, staring at the alien until he took a couple of hesitant steps in and took it from his hand, and then he nodded toward the scrubs and made a throw-away motion toward his own dirty shirt in the corner.
The tension was starting to get thick enough to choke on.
Jake started singing. John blinked -- Karkat blinked -- and broke into a rueful smile. "I won't even watch." He made a show of turning around, fiddling with things in the locker. Should have thought to grab shoes; going around in the corridors with damp, bare feet wasn't the cleanest thing ever. Oh well.
The scrubs fluttered to the floor. John counted to ten and turned around. Karkat was fiddling with the towel, both hands apparently necessary to hold the spot where it tucked in on itself like it might otherwise spontaneously fall off. John didn't have the heart to tell him he'd be taking it off again in about ten steps.
"Alright. Come on."
Shampoo and liquid soap and washcloths and other things hung in a basket by the door. John picked up a bottle at random and pulled off his towel, dropping it carelessly on the bench against the wall opposite the showers. Jake was wrist-deep in foam and busy scrubbing away at his hair, and still singing. John chose the shower two down from him; he turned it on, stepped under the spray, and squirted a generous palmful of Platinum Shine Deep Clean For Men (Dave could only kill him once) in his hand. Rub, rub, rub.
Karkat was still at the door. John turned, side to the wall, so he could eye him over his own shoulder.
(Oh hey, no nipples. Then again Rose had said he showed no sign of being a mammal at all. There was a bellybutton, though, if a little higher than John expected it.)
Okay, he knew a lot of humans who weren't comfortable with being naked around strangers. And for all he knew they were being ridiculously offensive to alien sensibilities right now. My eyes were defiled so, I can never get married! kind of thing. But it was still annoying!
"Karkaaat."
Tiny flinch.
"Kaaaaaarkat."
Eyetwitch.
"Karkat, Karkat, Karrrrkat. Karkittykat. Karcrabby. Karcutie. Kittykittykitty."
Apparently getting him annoyed enough that he forgot he was scared worked pretty well. Karkat snatched a bottle and washcloth from the bin and stomped across the room like a miniature, irritated stampede. John grinned at him and pointed his chin at the showerhead next to his in the corner. He kept himself facing the wall, so Karkat wouldn't feel stared at.
Karkat hesitated for a second, and then yanked his towel off, lobbed it at the bench, and stepped up to his spot. He started prodding at the shower controls, scowling in fierce concentration. John decided to let him have at it; they weren't that complicated, and he was a smart guy.
"IYAH!"
Also this was Dirk's preferred shower, and he always finished on a freezing note. Pffhehehe.
"Egad," Jake said from his other side. When John glanced his way he was grabbing onto the wall with one hand and at his heart with the other, a bit dramatically. "Er. Startled me just a bit, there."
John couldn't help but smirk wide. Two vict--um, prankees in one go! He tried to smother it as he turned his attention back to Karkat, made his voice soothing as possible, which wasn't easy when chuckles kept pushing to be let out. "There, you twist this knob in that direction. Try it again."
He got a growl for his trouble. Karkat tested the water with his hand first, letting out a little grunt that John interpreted as good enough.
His, uh, bathing suit area seemed kind of weird. Hard to say exactly how from the corner of his eye, though. And John didn't want to be caught staring, that'd be kind of embarrassing. Chuckling, mostly out of feeling kinda stupid, he turned back to the wall and started scrubbing at his hair in earnest. He used the foam dripping down in big fat gobs to wash the rest of himself once he was done, adding a remorseless second squirt of Dave's shampoo when that proved not to be quite enough.
Karkat's skin looked really gray, contrasted with white foam, pure slate with not even a vaguely reddish cast to it. At least on his shoulders; the rest, well, he'd turned three-quarters away, all tense, and John couldn't see much of his face, just that mass of hair, soaked into relative flatness until the jagged ends almost reached his shoulders. Though now John could see most of the orange part of his horns, and even a hint of where the gradation into brick red started. It really was a weirdly intense, flashy color, compared to the rest of him.
"Have you no shame!" Jake exclaimed. John flinched and turned to look at him. Jake was trying not to laugh. "Ogling pretty alien boys in the shower."
"Ogling alien horns!" John protested. "Come on, my head would be angled different if I were looking at his butt."
"Who was talking about his butt?" Jake demanded to know, eyes sparkling. "Here I thought your curiosity piqued at his more... shall we say, non-human parts."
John spluttered, and wiped some foam off his face where it had almost slipped in his eye. "Like you'd know that if you weren't curious too! -- I mean, it's just kinda weird and that's normal and shut up."
Jake was now cackling openly, a dimpling grin showing way too many perfect white teeth. "I didn't say I wasn't curious about that bit! But for the rest, it's a pretty normal-looking posterior. Perhaps we oughta ask Dirk his expert opinion. Obviously it seems an important question for you -- whoa!"
John growled and whipped the towel at his annoying half-clone again. Jake dodged in a controlled slide on the wet floor and went for his own towel; John tried to block the way, but was jostled aside with a daring shoulder to the chest as Jake ducked under his arm. John grabbed at his elbow and towel-whipped him across the back with his other hand, though it was too close-range to build sufficient momentum.
After that they were wrestling, each grabbing the other's upper arms and trying to trip each other. John wasn't shy about using his superior strength to slowly but inexorably push him back to where he'd be trapped against the bench. He grinned fierce and a little mean when Jake noticed.
"Gnn -- curse you, Egbert, I'll get you back!"
"Hah! Just you try it, you--"
Dirk walked into them. Quite deliberately. One of his elbows found Jake's chest and finished dumping him ass-first on the hard bench; his other arm hooked John's neck and suddenly John was bent over at the waist and tripping to follow, yelping when he ended up forcefully guided back to his own shower, in a way that made him bump into the controls and be suddenly drenched in holy fuck that's cold.
"What the hell was that for!" he protested, sputtering.
"Forgot to rinse that shampoo off," Dirk informed him laconically, and threw a glance back over his shoulder. "Harley, do you need help with rinsing?"
Jake meekly pushed himself back up and went back to his own shower. "No sir."
"Don't know about Dave but Bro will be up soon, so if you're done you might want to clear out."
Jake heaved a sigh and went back to spray himself a last time and pick up his shower things, and left still dripping heavily. Dirk turned back to John, who tried on an innocent grin but didn't keep it long in the wake of an unimpressed orange stare.
"Yes?"
"You keep forgetting the alien is not one of your buddies, John."
John's smile fell, and his arms too. He wiped foam away without looking, staring at his teammate. His stomach was clenched with sudden shame, and it made him angry. He tried to keep a lid on it but his voice came out just as low and intense as Dirk's had been. "If he wanted to attack me when he doesn't even know where the hell he is or where to go from here, he would have done it already. If I'm not going to trust that I can turn my back on him two seconds in a room he can't leave without me seeing him then I should just get him shackles already."
Dirk gave a slow blink, and a little nod toward past John's shoulder. "You scared him."
John flinched around to look at Karkat. Karkat blinked to find himself stared at, furrowing his eyebrows in confusion. He didn't look that scared anymore; actually maybe a little relaxed, the hot water turned high enough to steam up the walls, though John's stare was making him stiffen up again. John grumbled under his breath and turned back to glare at Dirk. "He's not scared."
"He doesn't have the first fucking idea what's going on in this madhouse and here you were, fighting, with super strength, and blocking the only way out. Maybe he wasn't scared but he was still pretty fucking tense. You didn't notice."
John spluttered, torn between anger and rising guilt. Karkat didn't look traumatized at all; his left eyebrow had quirked up in a "no, seriously, what the heck?" way but apart from that he was still busy rubbing the sticky, fuzzy patches of glue off his torso, hips turned slightly away.
And hey, that wasn't foam, those randomly placed whitish patches and lines dotting his body were part of his skin. There was a pretty big, puckered one under the side of his ribs.
"He does have a pretty choice ass," Dirk commented casually, and started washing.
"How long were you listening?!"
"Dude, I was brushing my teeth, not spying. If you two clowns didn't hear me it's not my fault."
"And no ogling the alien's ass!" John yelled right over him, incensed. "Bad Dirk! No perving!"
Dirk gave a slow, slow blink and shook his head, and went back to his shower. "Right. I'm ... just going to let this one... rest here. For posterity."
John gave him the stink-eye. "What are you on about now?"
"It's too ironic for you, it'd go right over your head."
"No, seriously!"
"Tell you when you're older."
John huffed out an annoyed breath and finished rinsing. Karkat's shower had gone silent; when he turned around he found his corner empty. Karkat himself was sitting gingerly on the bench by the wall, rubbing his legs dry with the towel, and gave him a wary look like he wasn't entirely sure that was alright.
It really, really bothered John when he reacted like that. Sure he was a prisoner of war and his culture was likely different so he didn't know what to expect and uh okay John wasn't exactly offering the standard human prison experience either, but...
John still remembered how fierce his mind had felt, and now he walked on eggshells pretty much all the time unless John deliberately nagged him into forgetting it, and that didn't even last -- just a flash of temper and then it fizzled out.
(What had they done to him, the interrogators, the doctors, what had they done, had they broken him? No, he'd fought Noir, he still glared, snarled. Maybe it was too early and John was expecting things to be swept away too fast, maybe after his pseudo-catatonia thing he was just tired and needed a couple days of quiet rest to regroup. John would have to ask the doc.)
"... Zhann," Karkat started warily, and then grumbled a long, mildly irritated tirade.
"I didn't get any of that, buddy!" John replied with a bright smile, because what else could he do, seriously.
Karkat groaned and massaged the bridge of his nose.
... And then he blinked at John's crotch and looked away hurriedly, cheeks visibly darkening. John blinked and then burst out laughing, though he did hurry to go pick up his towel from the floor and tie it around his waist, a little red-faced himself. "Karkat! Oh man, I'm shocked. Shocked! "
"You're the one giving him full frontal face-level man-sausage, dude. Can't blame him for having working eyes."
John stuck out his tongue. "One of these days I'm going to get you, Strider. I'm going to get you so good your grandchildren will still be whispering the story to scare each other."
"Uh huh. Unless you're being coy and trying to hint you want those grandchildren with me you'd better put your schlong away."
John sputtered. "It's away! I'm wearing a towel!"
"Pfft, that's less of a deterrent and more of a suggestion."
John went meep and sidestepped a little farther away from Dirk. The bastard was smirking. Barely there, but obvious enough for someone who had been raised with him from age eight.
"One day you'll figure out exactly why you keep losing at gay chicken against me, Egbert. One day..."
"Stop smirking, you asshole! Grnmbrr. Karkat, come on, let's go get dressed already."
He picked up his bottle and Karkat's and went to put them back in the basket, and stomped his way to his locker. At least he could use the door to hide part of his goods; now that Karkat apparently got all embarrassed over it, it was embarrassing, go figure. He handed Karkat a t-shirt, clean undies and jeans without looking, and busied himself shimmying into his own briefs.
Next he put on his glasses, because he had his priorities. A message popped up almost immediately.
JN: Morning, John. Where are you?
JH: hey sis! long time no see.
JH: and lockers, getting dressed. why?
JN: No reason. Coming down for breakfast?
JH: uh, duh. when have you ever seen me passing up on food, especially in the morning. i mean unless it's cake or something. why do you
JH: oh. right.
JH: karkat's with me. is that okay?
A few seconds of silence. John used them to put on his pants, frowning. He was in the middle of pulling his shirt over his head when the next message popped up.
JN: It's fine, John, despite all appearances to the contrary I am in fact not made of spun glass! News at eleven.
JH: :/ sorry for being worried!
JN: ... it's alright, I'll be fine.
JN: Also I'm the big sister, I'm the one supposed to mother you! By the way guess what I'm making for breakfast. :B
JH: nnnoooooooooo! D:
JN: Yes.
JN: Heck yes.
JH: i'm disconnecting now. you evil purveyor of evil.
JN: Heck. Motherfudging. Yes. >:B
John emerged from his T-shirt snickering.
Karkat had figured out the lower body stuff with ease, none of that pants-on-head silliness, but he was still shirtless. Huh. Okay, what was it with that T-shirt that had the alien staring at it like his eyes were about to shoot lasers and burn a hole through it? (And what were those white lines on his skin? So strange. Birthmarks?)
"Don't like the logo? Sorry, Dave got it on just about everything I own. He's a funny little guy, though! Look, he's grinning."
Karkat's eyes slid sideway to John's own chest. John scratched at his stomach, just under the green ghost slime. The alien's expression was... uh. Really hard to read. But weird.
"... What?"
The alien closed his eyes and quickly yanked the t-shirt on. His claws stayed hooked in the bottom, kneading away.
"Karkat?" A low hiss between clenched teeth was his only answer. No eye contact. Argh. Aliens were weird! So frustrating. John breathed out and told himself he'd be more patient once he had some breakfast. "Okay, never mind! Come on."
A quick detour by the bedroom to get shoes and he was guiding his gray duckling back to the staircase and down to the common room. The TV wasn't on; Rose and Jade were sitting at the big table, Jake leaning his hip on the counter that separated the kitchen corner and chattering at Jane, who... urgh, he could almost smell the devil cake-mix from here.
"Hey guys! Morning."
Jade turned to look at them, and bounced on her feet. "Hi!"
"Yeah, hi, Ja--"
Jade waved him off with a teasing flick of the hand. "I'm not talking to you, I'm talking to the alien. I'm Jade! Jay-duh. You?"
Karkat blinked. "Zhey-duh?" A frown. "... Zehk, Zhann, Zedh?"
John couldn't help but laugh. "Yup, and she --" pointing at the kitchen and its inhabitant, "is Jane. Jay-nuh."
" Zehk, Zedh, Zenn, Zhann?" A low, long muttering started up, probably about what the heck were those names about seriously one consonant's difference what. Jade snickered behind her hand.
"Wow, Roxy was right, he does get ranty." She took a step forward and waved her fingers to get his attention. "You? Your name?"
"It's Karkat," John said, but she just went shh without looking at him and put her hand in his face. After a few awkward seconds the alien repeated it for her, all full of weird sounds. She inclined her head and nodded, and then just about twisted her own vocal chords into sailor's knots.
At least that was what would have happened to John's own vocal chords had he attempted it. Jade seemed pretty chill about it.
"Hm, no, that wasn't quite it..." She made another grumble-clicketyclack, exactly the same as the first, only Karkat's eyebrows were relaxing a tiny bit so perhaps not. Who knew? Certainly not John. "Okay," Jade said, "this is going to require some work! But never mind. Sit down? There's food."
Well. Jade was sitting beside Karkat, Rose in front of him, he looked pretty resigned. John wandered to the kitchen, only pausing for a quick shoulder-bump with Jake on his way in. "Miss Egbert! Fancy meeting you here."
His sister rolled her eyes, but smiled, too. "Mister Egbert! Why, a jolly long time no see. How do you do?"
She wasn't in a skirt today, the way she liked to be when she had any downtime. Those were her flight suit pants, skintight, white with the sky blue band on the outside and the padded knees, and it was a fair bet she wore the rest of it under the knit pullover that swallowed her down to mid-thighs. "Huh, weird look."
"New fashion, all the rage these days," Jane threw over her shoulder as she turned back to her pancake mix, a bit fast, a bit tense. John might have been lacking in social graces but...
"... Um. Janey?"
"I was teasing, it isn't industrial mix. All fresh ingredients straight from the market, no preservatives."
"Jane--"
"Not as big as I thought from the pictures," she said airily, without turning around, and John knew she wasn't talking about mix or pancakes or anything but Karkat, perched on the edge of his seat like a squat, hunching stone gargoyle as Jade tried to teach him via copious pantomime to say yes and no. "Go sit down, scram! You too, Jake. Pancakes'll be ready in a minute." And the smile she gave Jake was much too shaky and grateful to be anywhere normal.
... Jake was pretty much standing guard, wasn't he. Not obvious about it, pretty casual, but anyone coming in the kitchen corner would still have to walk past him first, and his feet were set pretty solidly. Not even because he expected trouble from Karkat -- he wouldn't have goofed off in the shower if he did -- but because it made her feel better.
John should have thought of doing that, too, or at least noticed, only he hadn't, because on one side was his sister, and on the other side was a traumatized gray dude who'd gone on a suicide mission for a friend and failed and then been at the mercy of science guys and the military for over a week, and he couldn't even imagine Karkat hurting her. How was he supposed to protect Jane from him when he wanted to protect them both?
You keep forgetting the alien is not one of your buddies, John.
Shit. That didn't mean John couldn't want to spare him another round of that pointless, evil bullshit.
"Hello? Anyone in here?"
"--Heh. I'm not feeling like pancakes today, think I'm gonna go with bacon. Move aside and I'll cook up some!"
After a short, reluctant second, she did, and John did too.
+
==>NEXT
Characters/Pairings: John Egbert/Karkat Vantas, Alpha and Beta kids.
Contains: Discussions of potential rape & skeeviness, culture clashes, prisoner of war stuff, creepy bioware, xeno shenanigans.
Summary: Basically I threw Gundam and Evangelion in a blender and poured the resulting coat of gross paint onto Homestuck characters. Wooo. Or, John Egbert Is A Teenage PseudoGundam Pilot Out To Save The World, Karkat Vantas Is An Evil Conquering Alien From Space, They Eventually Make Out.
John woke up the next morning via a kick to the face. Or at least that was what he deduced while sitting on the floor with a blanket draped over half his face, his hand pressed to the explosion of pain in his cheekbone, watching the alien flail.
It was hard to be all that angry when Karkat didn't even seem awake.
"I take it the honeymoon's over?" came, rough-voiced, from the lower bunk at his back.
"Oh, shut it, Dirkface." John pushed himself up on his knees, pressed his hands on the edge of his mattress, and felt around for his glasses, so he could fix the level of ambient light without having to turn on a light and attract the Wrath of Dave. The alarm clock and electronic doodads all over the place gave the dormitory a permanent gloom, but it wasn't enough for details.
The alien was curled in a ball at the bottom end of the mattress. Yeah, John'd been right, his eyes were definitely closed. He kept twitching, though, eyebrows scrunching and jaw tensing and releasing, little bursts of aborted movement running all through his body, tightening his stranglehold on the pillow he'd wound himself around.
Definitely not a good dream.
"Karkat?" John tried to keep it at a whisper, worked hard as he could to reproduce the right sounds, the rolling R, the clacking tongue. "K'rkat, shh."
Okay, whispers weren't working. He stretched out over the mattress, cautious, and poked him in the knee.
If he hadn't been damn fast he would have gotten his hand kicked into pieces. He felt a rush of air as Karkat's foot scythed past his nose. "Whoa!"
"Arhit'zanikh-- uhn. Nn. ...Zhann? Sst'kh?"
Ouch. Now that had been a nice alien yell there at the start. From Dave's top bunk rose a sleepy but nevertheless pissed-off growl.
"Uh oh." John threw a look over his shoulder. Um. Yeah. Nothing was moving up there yet, but Dirk's cynical, amused look was clear as day. John jumped up on his feet and hurried to the wardrobe to get two changes of clothes. He palmed the door open, turned to look at his bed. "Karkat come with me hurry now now now!"
Karkat wrestled himself past the blankets and pillows in a great, baffled, half-asleep hurry and dashed to the door. John pulled him outside, flattened himself on the corridor wall the second he was past the doorway, and slapped the door control closed. The door whooshed closed only a fraction of second before something heavy thunked on it and thumped to the floor.
"Phew." He started laughing. "Okay, let's not stay here, what if Dave chases us."
"... Dev?" Karkat was squinting under the dimmed corridor lights, brow furrowed more with each passing second. "Dev n'ralekh akat--"
John was pretty sure he could translate, no matter that he couldn't parse even half the noises Karkat was making. The gist of it went 'Dave is such a massive dickhead seriously what the fuck I really don't like that guy.'
He shrugged. "He has other qualities! Being woken up early doesn't really let them shine. It's very sad and you should pity him for it."
"I can still hear you."
John snickered again and caught Karkat's wrist to tow him away.
"Zhann -- nrrh!"
This one sounded more like a frustrated noise than a word. Then again a lot of his words were frustrated noise. John pointed at the door. "Bathroom! Come with me."
Glower! Oh hey, maybe he just wanted his wrist back. John released him. He was about to need that hand to open the door anyway; his other hand was busy holding the clean clothes.
The lights were lit. "Morning!" he called as he walked in. "Anyone in here?"
Jake called out an indecipherable greeting from the boys' shower room. John could hear the water from here. He dumped his armload on a sink counter and pointed toward the toilets, eyebrows arched in question. Karkat gave a little grunt and went.
John had to take this guard thing seriously, or Rose would frown at him. Hrrm. "Jake? I gotta piss, mind keeping an eye out for escape attempts or I don't even know what?"
His half-twin emerged soapy and dripping from the door, lower body mostly hidden behind the edge. "Sure thing, but if he decamps I am not chasing him in my birthday suit."
"Yeah, yeah. Thanks."
John disappeared to another stall. When he came out Karkat was, to his great surprise, not still locked up, but leaning over a sink, giving his own reflection the stinkeye and stealing the half of Jake's naked self he could see past the doorjamb wary little glances. Jake gave John a salute as he reemerged and disappeared hurriedly, chanting "Cold cold cold~"
John went to wash his hands and drink some, and then turned to face the alien.
Karkat's hair was a royal mess, even worse than it had been after the goop, worse than after Roxy had a go at it. His horns weren't even visible, only a few flecks of gold showing through all those dark tangles. The shadows under his eyes were charcoal, his skin was a bit sticky-linty where he'd had electrodes glued on, and the hospital gown was good for the trashbin.
Um. Especially since sleeping in it had twisted it around a bit. Loosened the waist some. And now there was a slit of bared skin from mid-thigh up to the hollow of his hipbone, where the belly dipped in and kinda led the way to uh oh god this was steering way too close to alien crotch.
Not that he could see anything! But it was a matter of inches, really. A distressingly small number of inches.
"Hsssst."
"--Aha. Ha. Uh. Yeah. Shower time." Somehow showering all together in wholesome brotherhood seemed less weird than seeing him in that particular state of rumpled undress.
When he looked up Karkat looked weird, like he wanted to look away but wasn't letting himself, the tip of his ears grown darker, vaguely ruddier. Nervous.
"... Seriously you're not my type. I swear it's just morbid fascination. Come on, pal."
John started undressing in the locker room, dumping his old stained shirt on the floor to be thrown into the rag bin later on; his pants and underwear went in the laundry basket, as did his socks. He put his glasses in a locker with the changes of clothes, got clean towels, turned around. Karkat was staring at him from the doorway, claws digging in the wall like he was trying to anchor himself, kind of like 'you'll have to bring the wall along if you want me to take a step farther in'.
For a brief instant John was really tempted to throw up his hands and call Jake over so he could help drag Karkat under the shower and yank that stupid hospital thing off him. For fuck's sake.
No doubt there'd be blood on the tiles by the end if he did.
With a sigh, he tied a towel around his waist, making sure his crotch stayed hidden. He offered the second towel in silence, staring at the alien until he took a couple of hesitant steps in and took it from his hand, and then he nodded toward the scrubs and made a throw-away motion toward his own dirty shirt in the corner.
The tension was starting to get thick enough to choke on.
Jake started singing. John blinked -- Karkat blinked -- and broke into a rueful smile. "I won't even watch." He made a show of turning around, fiddling with things in the locker. Should have thought to grab shoes; going around in the corridors with damp, bare feet wasn't the cleanest thing ever. Oh well.
The scrubs fluttered to the floor. John counted to ten and turned around. Karkat was fiddling with the towel, both hands apparently necessary to hold the spot where it tucked in on itself like it might otherwise spontaneously fall off. John didn't have the heart to tell him he'd be taking it off again in about ten steps.
"Alright. Come on."
Shampoo and liquid soap and washcloths and other things hung in a basket by the door. John picked up a bottle at random and pulled off his towel, dropping it carelessly on the bench against the wall opposite the showers. Jake was wrist-deep in foam and busy scrubbing away at his hair, and still singing. John chose the shower two down from him; he turned it on, stepped under the spray, and squirted a generous palmful of Platinum Shine Deep Clean For Men (Dave could only kill him once) in his hand. Rub, rub, rub.
Karkat was still at the door. John turned, side to the wall, so he could eye him over his own shoulder.
(Oh hey, no nipples. Then again Rose had said he showed no sign of being a mammal at all. There was a bellybutton, though, if a little higher than John expected it.)
Okay, he knew a lot of humans who weren't comfortable with being naked around strangers. And for all he knew they were being ridiculously offensive to alien sensibilities right now. My eyes were defiled so, I can never get married! kind of thing. But it was still annoying!
"Karkaaat."
Tiny flinch.
"Kaaaaaarkat."
Eyetwitch.
"Karkat, Karkat, Karrrrkat. Karkittykat. Karcrabby. Karcutie. Kittykittykitty."
Apparently getting him annoyed enough that he forgot he was scared worked pretty well. Karkat snatched a bottle and washcloth from the bin and stomped across the room like a miniature, irritated stampede. John grinned at him and pointed his chin at the showerhead next to his in the corner. He kept himself facing the wall, so Karkat wouldn't feel stared at.
Karkat hesitated for a second, and then yanked his towel off, lobbed it at the bench, and stepped up to his spot. He started prodding at the shower controls, scowling in fierce concentration. John decided to let him have at it; they weren't that complicated, and he was a smart guy.
"IYAH!"
Also this was Dirk's preferred shower, and he always finished on a freezing note. Pffhehehe.
"Egad," Jake said from his other side. When John glanced his way he was grabbing onto the wall with one hand and at his heart with the other, a bit dramatically. "Er. Startled me just a bit, there."
John couldn't help but smirk wide. Two vict--um, prankees in one go! He tried to smother it as he turned his attention back to Karkat, made his voice soothing as possible, which wasn't easy when chuckles kept pushing to be let out. "There, you twist this knob in that direction. Try it again."
He got a growl for his trouble. Karkat tested the water with his hand first, letting out a little grunt that John interpreted as good enough.
His, uh, bathing suit area seemed kind of weird. Hard to say exactly how from the corner of his eye, though. And John didn't want to be caught staring, that'd be kind of embarrassing. Chuckling, mostly out of feeling kinda stupid, he turned back to the wall and started scrubbing at his hair in earnest. He used the foam dripping down in big fat gobs to wash the rest of himself once he was done, adding a remorseless second squirt of Dave's shampoo when that proved not to be quite enough.
Karkat's skin looked really gray, contrasted with white foam, pure slate with not even a vaguely reddish cast to it. At least on his shoulders; the rest, well, he'd turned three-quarters away, all tense, and John couldn't see much of his face, just that mass of hair, soaked into relative flatness until the jagged ends almost reached his shoulders. Though now John could see most of the orange part of his horns, and even a hint of where the gradation into brick red started. It really was a weirdly intense, flashy color, compared to the rest of him.
"Have you no shame!" Jake exclaimed. John flinched and turned to look at him. Jake was trying not to laugh. "Ogling pretty alien boys in the shower."
"Ogling alien horns!" John protested. "Come on, my head would be angled different if I were looking at his butt."
"Who was talking about his butt?" Jake demanded to know, eyes sparkling. "Here I thought your curiosity piqued at his more... shall we say, non-human parts."
John spluttered, and wiped some foam off his face where it had almost slipped in his eye. "Like you'd know that if you weren't curious too! -- I mean, it's just kinda weird and that's normal and shut up."
Jake was now cackling openly, a dimpling grin showing way too many perfect white teeth. "I didn't say I wasn't curious about that bit! But for the rest, it's a pretty normal-looking posterior. Perhaps we oughta ask Dirk his expert opinion. Obviously it seems an important question for you -- whoa!"
John growled and whipped the towel at his annoying half-clone again. Jake dodged in a controlled slide on the wet floor and went for his own towel; John tried to block the way, but was jostled aside with a daring shoulder to the chest as Jake ducked under his arm. John grabbed at his elbow and towel-whipped him across the back with his other hand, though it was too close-range to build sufficient momentum.
After that they were wrestling, each grabbing the other's upper arms and trying to trip each other. John wasn't shy about using his superior strength to slowly but inexorably push him back to where he'd be trapped against the bench. He grinned fierce and a little mean when Jake noticed.
"Gnn -- curse you, Egbert, I'll get you back!"
"Hah! Just you try it, you--"
Dirk walked into them. Quite deliberately. One of his elbows found Jake's chest and finished dumping him ass-first on the hard bench; his other arm hooked John's neck and suddenly John was bent over at the waist and tripping to follow, yelping when he ended up forcefully guided back to his own shower, in a way that made him bump into the controls and be suddenly drenched in holy fuck that's cold.
"What the hell was that for!" he protested, sputtering.
"Forgot to rinse that shampoo off," Dirk informed him laconically, and threw a glance back over his shoulder. "Harley, do you need help with rinsing?"
Jake meekly pushed himself back up and went back to his own shower. "No sir."
"Don't know about Dave but Bro will be up soon, so if you're done you might want to clear out."
Jake heaved a sigh and went back to spray himself a last time and pick up his shower things, and left still dripping heavily. Dirk turned back to John, who tried on an innocent grin but didn't keep it long in the wake of an unimpressed orange stare.
"Yes?"
"You keep forgetting the alien is not one of your buddies, John."
John's smile fell, and his arms too. He wiped foam away without looking, staring at his teammate. His stomach was clenched with sudden shame, and it made him angry. He tried to keep a lid on it but his voice came out just as low and intense as Dirk's had been. "If he wanted to attack me when he doesn't even know where the hell he is or where to go from here, he would have done it already. If I'm not going to trust that I can turn my back on him two seconds in a room he can't leave without me seeing him then I should just get him shackles already."
Dirk gave a slow blink, and a little nod toward past John's shoulder. "You scared him."
John flinched around to look at Karkat. Karkat blinked to find himself stared at, furrowing his eyebrows in confusion. He didn't look that scared anymore; actually maybe a little relaxed, the hot water turned high enough to steam up the walls, though John's stare was making him stiffen up again. John grumbled under his breath and turned back to glare at Dirk. "He's not scared."
"He doesn't have the first fucking idea what's going on in this madhouse and here you were, fighting, with super strength, and blocking the only way out. Maybe he wasn't scared but he was still pretty fucking tense. You didn't notice."
John spluttered, torn between anger and rising guilt. Karkat didn't look traumatized at all; his left eyebrow had quirked up in a "no, seriously, what the heck?" way but apart from that he was still busy rubbing the sticky, fuzzy patches of glue off his torso, hips turned slightly away.
And hey, that wasn't foam, those randomly placed whitish patches and lines dotting his body were part of his skin. There was a pretty big, puckered one under the side of his ribs.
"He does have a pretty choice ass," Dirk commented casually, and started washing.
"How long were you listening?!"
"Dude, I was brushing my teeth, not spying. If you two clowns didn't hear me it's not my fault."
"And no ogling the alien's ass!" John yelled right over him, incensed. "Bad Dirk! No perving!"
Dirk gave a slow, slow blink and shook his head, and went back to his shower. "Right. I'm ... just going to let this one... rest here. For posterity."
John gave him the stink-eye. "What are you on about now?"
"It's too ironic for you, it'd go right over your head."
"No, seriously!"
"Tell you when you're older."
John huffed out an annoyed breath and finished rinsing. Karkat's shower had gone silent; when he turned around he found his corner empty. Karkat himself was sitting gingerly on the bench by the wall, rubbing his legs dry with the towel, and gave him a wary look like he wasn't entirely sure that was alright.
It really, really bothered John when he reacted like that. Sure he was a prisoner of war and his culture was likely different so he didn't know what to expect and uh okay John wasn't exactly offering the standard human prison experience either, but...
John still remembered how fierce his mind had felt, and now he walked on eggshells pretty much all the time unless John deliberately nagged him into forgetting it, and that didn't even last -- just a flash of temper and then it fizzled out.
(What had they done to him, the interrogators, the doctors, what had they done, had they broken him? No, he'd fought Noir, he still glared, snarled. Maybe it was too early and John was expecting things to be swept away too fast, maybe after his pseudo-catatonia thing he was just tired and needed a couple days of quiet rest to regroup. John would have to ask the doc.)
"... Zhann," Karkat started warily, and then grumbled a long, mildly irritated tirade.
"I didn't get any of that, buddy!" John replied with a bright smile, because what else could he do, seriously.
Karkat groaned and massaged the bridge of his nose.
... And then he blinked at John's crotch and looked away hurriedly, cheeks visibly darkening. John blinked and then burst out laughing, though he did hurry to go pick up his towel from the floor and tie it around his waist, a little red-faced himself. "Karkat! Oh man, I'm shocked. Shocked! "
"You're the one giving him full frontal face-level man-sausage, dude. Can't blame him for having working eyes."
John stuck out his tongue. "One of these days I'm going to get you, Strider. I'm going to get you so good your grandchildren will still be whispering the story to scare each other."
"Uh huh. Unless you're being coy and trying to hint you want those grandchildren with me you'd better put your schlong away."
John sputtered. "It's away! I'm wearing a towel!"
"Pfft, that's less of a deterrent and more of a suggestion."
John went meep and sidestepped a little farther away from Dirk. The bastard was smirking. Barely there, but obvious enough for someone who had been raised with him from age eight.
"One day you'll figure out exactly why you keep losing at gay chicken against me, Egbert. One day..."
"Stop smirking, you asshole! Grnmbrr. Karkat, come on, let's go get dressed already."
He picked up his bottle and Karkat's and went to put them back in the basket, and stomped his way to his locker. At least he could use the door to hide part of his goods; now that Karkat apparently got all embarrassed over it, it was embarrassing, go figure. He handed Karkat a t-shirt, clean undies and jeans without looking, and busied himself shimmying into his own briefs.
Next he put on his glasses, because he had his priorities. A message popped up almost immediately.
JN: Morning, John. Where are you?
JH: hey sis! long time no see.
JH: and lockers, getting dressed. why?
JN: No reason. Coming down for breakfast?
JH: uh, duh. when have you ever seen me passing up on food, especially in the morning. i mean unless it's cake or something. why do you
JH: oh. right.
JH: karkat's with me. is that okay?
A few seconds of silence. John used them to put on his pants, frowning. He was in the middle of pulling his shirt over his head when the next message popped up.
JN: It's fine, John, despite all appearances to the contrary I am in fact not made of spun glass! News at eleven.
JH: :/ sorry for being worried!
JN: ... it's alright, I'll be fine.
JN: Also I'm the big sister, I'm the one supposed to mother you! By the way guess what I'm making for breakfast. :B
JH: nnnoooooooooo! D:
JN: Yes.
JN: Heck yes.
JH: i'm disconnecting now. you evil purveyor of evil.
JN: Heck. Motherfudging. Yes. >:B
John emerged from his T-shirt snickering.
Karkat had figured out the lower body stuff with ease, none of that pants-on-head silliness, but he was still shirtless. Huh. Okay, what was it with that T-shirt that had the alien staring at it like his eyes were about to shoot lasers and burn a hole through it? (And what were those white lines on his skin? So strange. Birthmarks?)
"Don't like the logo? Sorry, Dave got it on just about everything I own. He's a funny little guy, though! Look, he's grinning."
Karkat's eyes slid sideway to John's own chest. John scratched at his stomach, just under the green ghost slime. The alien's expression was... uh. Really hard to read. But weird.
"... What?"
The alien closed his eyes and quickly yanked the t-shirt on. His claws stayed hooked in the bottom, kneading away.
"Karkat?" A low hiss between clenched teeth was his only answer. No eye contact. Argh. Aliens were weird! So frustrating. John breathed out and told himself he'd be more patient once he had some breakfast. "Okay, never mind! Come on."
A quick detour by the bedroom to get shoes and he was guiding his gray duckling back to the staircase and down to the common room. The TV wasn't on; Rose and Jade were sitting at the big table, Jake leaning his hip on the counter that separated the kitchen corner and chattering at Jane, who... urgh, he could almost smell the devil cake-mix from here.
"Hey guys! Morning."
Jade turned to look at them, and bounced on her feet. "Hi!"
"Yeah, hi, Ja--"
Jade waved him off with a teasing flick of the hand. "I'm not talking to you, I'm talking to the alien. I'm Jade! Jay-duh. You?"
Karkat blinked. "Zhey-duh?" A frown. "... Zehk, Zhann, Zedh?"
John couldn't help but laugh. "Yup, and she --" pointing at the kitchen and its inhabitant, "is Jane. Jay-nuh."
" Zehk, Zedh, Zenn, Zhann?" A low, long muttering started up, probably about what the heck were those names about seriously one consonant's difference what. Jade snickered behind her hand.
"Wow, Roxy was right, he does get ranty." She took a step forward and waved her fingers to get his attention. "You? Your name?"
"It's Karkat," John said, but she just went shh without looking at him and put her hand in his face. After a few awkward seconds the alien repeated it for her, all full of weird sounds. She inclined her head and nodded, and then just about twisted her own vocal chords into sailor's knots.
At least that was what would have happened to John's own vocal chords had he attempted it. Jade seemed pretty chill about it.
"Hm, no, that wasn't quite it..." She made another grumble-clicketyclack, exactly the same as the first, only Karkat's eyebrows were relaxing a tiny bit so perhaps not. Who knew? Certainly not John. "Okay," Jade said, "this is going to require some work! But never mind. Sit down? There's food."
Well. Jade was sitting beside Karkat, Rose in front of him, he looked pretty resigned. John wandered to the kitchen, only pausing for a quick shoulder-bump with Jake on his way in. "Miss Egbert! Fancy meeting you here."
His sister rolled her eyes, but smiled, too. "Mister Egbert! Why, a jolly long time no see. How do you do?"
She wasn't in a skirt today, the way she liked to be when she had any downtime. Those were her flight suit pants, skintight, white with the sky blue band on the outside and the padded knees, and it was a fair bet she wore the rest of it under the knit pullover that swallowed her down to mid-thighs. "Huh, weird look."
"New fashion, all the rage these days," Jane threw over her shoulder as she turned back to her pancake mix, a bit fast, a bit tense. John might have been lacking in social graces but...
"... Um. Janey?"
"I was teasing, it isn't industrial mix. All fresh ingredients straight from the market, no preservatives."
"Jane--"
"Not as big as I thought from the pictures," she said airily, without turning around, and John knew she wasn't talking about mix or pancakes or anything but Karkat, perched on the edge of his seat like a squat, hunching stone gargoyle as Jade tried to teach him via copious pantomime to say yes and no. "Go sit down, scram! You too, Jake. Pancakes'll be ready in a minute." And the smile she gave Jake was much too shaky and grateful to be anywhere normal.
... Jake was pretty much standing guard, wasn't he. Not obvious about it, pretty casual, but anyone coming in the kitchen corner would still have to walk past him first, and his feet were set pretty solidly. Not even because he expected trouble from Karkat -- he wouldn't have goofed off in the shower if he did -- but because it made her feel better.
John should have thought of doing that, too, or at least noticed, only he hadn't, because on one side was his sister, and on the other side was a traumatized gray dude who'd gone on a suicide mission for a friend and failed and then been at the mercy of science guys and the military for over a week, and he couldn't even imagine Karkat hurting her. How was he supposed to protect Jane from him when he wanted to protect them both?
You keep forgetting the alien is not one of your buddies, John.
Shit. That didn't mean John couldn't want to spare him another round of that pointless, evil bullshit.
"Hello? Anyone in here?"
"--Heh. I'm not feeling like pancakes today, think I'm gonna go with bacon. Move aside and I'll cook up some!"
After a short, reluctant second, she did, and John did too.
+
==>NEXT