He wants to just be friends. For the time being or always?

[mewmew105]

I'm a college student and was seeing this guy for about 3 weeks. He is getting ready to graduate in May so he has a lot going on and is working on a bunch of huge projects so he really focused to get stuff done. I would always initiate stuff because he was so busy and I was okay with that and it was never because he was being a jerk, but because of

Comments

[crassy]

Say screw it and find someone who wants the same thing that you do.

[loislolane]

This is one of those times that I wish we had a tag that says "formatting is your friend".

[mewmew105]

True story. Sorry! :/

[loislolane]

Don't be sorry, I do the same sometimes. I'm just tired and easily frustrated tonight so I struggled a little bit in reading your post. Too busy at work today, I think :(

[joospjos]

Does he expect you to be single while he works towards his graduation?
I think there must be something going on with him other than just not having time... I don't know what, but I wouldn't stick around. Sounds like his flakyness/vagueness will continue after graduating. Only you can decide whether he's worth it or not, but I think there's definitely several red flags there that I would he wary of.

[mewmew105]

No, he doesn't expect me to stay single in this time. Everything was good while we were having this non-exclusive relationship, but I think he is just really scared of commitment at this point because of what he is working on. He truly has a lot going on: no job and struggling to pay rent just so he can work on all these extra things for this huge project. This guy doesn't sleep and works every night in the lab so when I would see him it would be on the weekend or I would stop by the lab (which I didn't mind because I loved chilling with him because he included me in his process, etc). He is having so much happening at once: having trouble paying bills, working on this project, and more. I don't know what to do. The connection we had when we were seeing each other was so incredibly wonderful and we have so much in common. He said he has feelings for me but he felt with having romance be a part of the equation, there tend to be more expectations and he thought I would have more and more. Which wasn't the case, at all. Is it fair for me

[joospjos]

I think it's fair to ask and maybe tell him to call you when/if he has the time. But just because you make him make a decision it doesn't mean he's actually more determined on the inside... If he graduates in May it's not that long to wait, but I wouldn't get my hopes too high up. I wouldn't wait a week without telling him, that sounds like it might make him give up even if he hadn't planned to. I think it's better to tell him openly that it's up to him to contact you if he feels it's worth it, and that he's free to try to ask you out again in a months time, but that you're not going to initiate anything in the meanwhile.

[iinfinityplus1]

I've been in a mildly similar situation. I'm of the mindset that if you have something great going on, a few months of toughness is worth it to stick it out. He might see it as more of a hindrance whereas you don't, so maybe you both deal with conflict differently and this is a blessing in disguise that you're not committing to a relationship right now. I'm like you, I wanted to stick it out despite the circumstances and he didn't. Back then, I was devastated. Now, I'm happy for the time we had but glad I'm not in a relationship with someone who can't deal with stress by relying on me. I'm the type of person who will stick with my SO through thick and thin, so if he didn't see that and appreciate it then we weren't the best match. If you feel as though he's worth it to wait it out, then try it! I think the fact that you have to ask what you should do might mean you're unsure, and unless you're 100% positive you want to wait it out, I'd say don't commit to anything and grab drinks in a few months when you are both free to see if the

[mewmew105]

I really appreciate your insight! Yeah, it's like everything is the same as it was, only I don't sleep over and I can't be affectionate towards him like before. I miss it. It's just so weird what we have now: he came to a party I invited him to and he said he came to see me, not to party with random people. So he makes this effort to see me, is still affectionate in a way (likes to hug and when we went dancing, bumped into me a lot playfully), and we hung out and just watched a movie at his place. That's not stuff friends do. And we hang out alone a lot. I mean I'm not complaining, but it just sucks. Why is he approaching stuff like this?

[theidolhands]

probably just wants a fwb deal (no commitment) + option to see other ppl

u can complain, it's ok

[hashishinahooka]

I feel it's bullshit, personally. He's trying to tell you he's not interested in dating you anymore. I wouldn't waste my time. Have fun on your own. Find people who you find interesting, and you'll forget about this whole interaction. Sitting around waiting for someone is not fun. Don't do it.

[classicdramatic]

THIS! i went through the same bullshit you're describing right now. plain and simple bottom line is this ... if he wanted to be with you he'd be with you. hard as it may be don't waste your time waiting for him to come around because even if he does decide to give you another chance in the grand scheme of things he's just going to pull the same crap and drop you the second he finds someone he's more into. if hes wishy-washy/vague now he most certainly will be in the future if not even more so than he is now.

[theidolhands]

+1