"Oh, I think we can give him one day's head start."
ETA: A bit of a hit on pirategasm. Reviewed as funny, which I suppose it is. Certainly light-hearted Commodore-ness. Post first movie.
Title: "Oh, I think we can give him one day's head start."
Author: ash_night
Rating: PG
Pairing: None, really. Just some wishful thinking on the Commodore's part.
Disclaimer: The monkey made me do it! All belongs to Disney etc. etc.
A/N: Because Norrington deserves so much more...
~*~
Women like Elizabeth don't like their men painfully stiff and proper like corsets. They like them stripped bare in dirty cotton rags, grime and sweat matting hair and face, their eyes glinting madly in firelight.
Norrington supposes that if he ever wants another woman like Elizabeth in his life ever again (instead of Mrs. Carthing's dull-witted stead of a girl or Mr. Havenport's pretty empty flower-pot of a daughter), he would have to desert the navy and join Sparrow's crew of roguish and smelly men. He would then proceed to learn how to walk like a drunken sailor while still on land, hold a bottle of aged rum (with or) without raving like a lunatic, and gain a certain affinity for gaudy, gold trinkets of poor craftsmanship.
"Dear mother, (he would write on his first letter back)
"I've found myself a nice girl, but in order to keep her, I had to become a pirate. Don't worry. The pay is excellent, and we have more vacation days in the year.
"Your son,
"James"
He is sure that Sparrow, being a good man, would feel obligated to show him the basics (and the subtle nuances) of being a violent, scurvy dog of the seas. (There must be an art to smelling so horribly so effortlessly. Perhaps Sparrow might be kind enough to simply package his own cologne.) If Norrington plays his cards correctly, he could even manipulate Sparrow into buying him a large hat the size of the Virginia colony. (Although he'll have to get a few tips from Will about where to get a large, feathery plume.)
But of course, the name "James Norrington" would not do. He'll change his name to something dramatic, and Jack will make him practice it with a flair and impact in front of the mirror thirty times a day, every single day, ("No, no, no, you're supposed to be self-promoting, not looking like you've just choked on a rat in your soup.") before having a skimpy breakfast of stale biscuits and water that leaves their mouths filled with splinters. Bloody James of the Caribbean Seas will most definitely be a suitable name for the most fearsome pirate of the Spanish Main.
Tomorrow will be the day that he sails the H.M.S. Dauntless in angry pursuit of a certain pirate captain. Personally, he hopes that they will catch up to the Black Pearl. (Captain) Jack Sparrow would certainly not surrender, and (Bloody) James Norrington is more than enough prepared for the power struggle that will most likely occur. (After all, Jack would definitely not be very happy of being demoted in rank on his very own ship.)
If (when) Norrington becomes the pirate commodore of the Black Pearl and the Dauntless and the Interceptor with a crew of fearsomely smelly pirates, Elizabeth would swoon (and not because of her bloody corset or the smell) and leave the inept pirate (blacksmith) Will Turner for him. He would be the first man alive to turn the brave Elizabeth Swann into a puddle of sappy, fluttery woman-flesh.
Tomorrow is going to be a very good day for Norrington indeed.
~*~
Title: "Oh, I think we can give him one day's head start."
Author: ash_night
Rating: PG
Pairing: None, really. Just some wishful thinking on the Commodore's part.
Disclaimer: The monkey made me do it! All belongs to Disney etc. etc.
A/N: Because Norrington deserves so much more...
~*~
Women like Elizabeth don't like their men painfully stiff and proper like corsets. They like them stripped bare in dirty cotton rags, grime and sweat matting hair and face, their eyes glinting madly in firelight.
Norrington supposes that if he ever wants another woman like Elizabeth in his life ever again (instead of Mrs. Carthing's dull-witted stead of a girl or Mr. Havenport's pretty empty flower-pot of a daughter), he would have to desert the navy and join Sparrow's crew of roguish and smelly men. He would then proceed to learn how to walk like a drunken sailor while still on land, hold a bottle of aged rum (with or) without raving like a lunatic, and gain a certain affinity for gaudy, gold trinkets of poor craftsmanship.
"Dear mother, (he would write on his first letter back)
"I've found myself a nice girl, but in order to keep her, I had to become a pirate. Don't worry. The pay is excellent, and we have more vacation days in the year.
"Your son,
"James"
He is sure that Sparrow, being a good man, would feel obligated to show him the basics (and the subtle nuances) of being a violent, scurvy dog of the seas. (There must be an art to smelling so horribly so effortlessly. Perhaps Sparrow might be kind enough to simply package his own cologne.) If Norrington plays his cards correctly, he could even manipulate Sparrow into buying him a large hat the size of the Virginia colony. (Although he'll have to get a few tips from Will about where to get a large, feathery plume.)
But of course, the name "James Norrington" would not do. He'll change his name to something dramatic, and Jack will make him practice it with a flair and impact in front of the mirror thirty times a day, every single day, ("No, no, no, you're supposed to be self-promoting, not looking like you've just choked on a rat in your soup.") before having a skimpy breakfast of stale biscuits and water that leaves their mouths filled with splinters. Bloody James of the Caribbean Seas will most definitely be a suitable name for the most fearsome pirate of the Spanish Main.
Tomorrow will be the day that he sails the H.M.S. Dauntless in angry pursuit of a certain pirate captain. Personally, he hopes that they will catch up to the Black Pearl. (Captain) Jack Sparrow would certainly not surrender, and (Bloody) James Norrington is more than enough prepared for the power struggle that will most likely occur. (After all, Jack would definitely not be very happy of being demoted in rank on his very own ship.)
If (when) Norrington becomes the pirate commodore of the Black Pearl and the Dauntless and the Interceptor with a crew of fearsomely smelly pirates, Elizabeth would swoon (and not because of her bloody corset or the smell) and leave the inept pirate (blacksmith) Will Turner for him. He would be the first man alive to turn the brave Elizabeth Swann into a puddle of sappy, fluttery woman-flesh.
Tomorrow is going to be a very good day for Norrington indeed.
~*~