DS9 Fic, The Ubiquitous Red
It had been a hard morning, and Doctor Julian Bashir knew it was just going to be rougher from here on out. The war was taking its toll, physically and in people’s spirits. Even he, a usually optimistic man, was feeling the strain.
Grateful that he at least had a few minutes to grab a quick lunch, Julian went up to the replicator. He ordered a Raktijino and a sandwich, smiling in confidence that Garak couldn’t beret him for eating fast today.
He started to pull out his tray when something caught his eye: a red liquid was dripping into his Raktijino. He stared at it hypnotically for a moment, wondering what it could be. For a second all the noise around him seemed to dim and the drip drip drip became the only thing he could hear. The sound was both loud and dull at once, both menacing yet beckoning.
He should know what it was, that liquid falling almost obscenely into his cup. It looked familiar, so familiar…Then it hit him: it was blood.
Suddenly reality came crashing back, the loud voices around him jolting to the man. He shook his head, pulled out his tray, and went over to the table Garak had saved for them. There was no trace of that red substance.
…
“Doctor, your shift ended over two hours ago.”
Julian tore his eyes away from the padd in his hand and looked up at his Bajoran nurse. There was concern in her eyes; Julian had been staying later and later the past week and the woman knew he hardly slept.
Smiling weakly at her Julian assured, “I’ll head home soon. Thank you, Jaraba.”
She nodded and left the man alone again.
Julian set the padd down as he rubbed his eyes tiredly. He was worn, and he knew he should rest in case there was some emergency. With things how they were lately it wouldn’t surprise him if he got summoned to the war room as soon as his head hit a pillow.
He debated with himself briefly on whether he should even bother walking all the way to his quarters or just lie down on the cot he had in his office for late nights such as this. Eventually he decided he could use the walk, maybe quiet his mind some so he wouldn’t spend an hour awake just laying there uselessly.
The corridors were deserted at this hour, and Julian was thankful for the relative silence; all he could hear were the hums and buzzes of the station’s innards. His head had been killing him since lunch and medication hadn’t helped any.
It was silly, but everything seemed darker than normal. Julian shook the notion from his head; it was just his overactive imagination playing with him again, just as it had been at the Replicant. He was simply exhausted, that was all, something hopefully a few hours of sleep would take care of.
In his quarters Julian let out a long yawn as he headed to his room. He collapsed on his bed without bothering to strip off his uniform. He mumbled goodnight to Kukalaka resting on a special throw pillow Leeta had bought especially for the teddy bear.
“Goodnight, Julian. I love you.”
“Mm. Love you, too,” Julian replied, already beginning to drift off.
Suddenly his eyes snapped open and he turned to Kukalaka. The bear just sat there, mouth nothing more than unmovable stitching and eyes plastic and unseeing. Julian took a deep breath and told himself that he had been hearing things, his mind playing more tricks on him.
Overactive imagination, and all that.
He closed his eyes and forced himself to fall asleep.
…
There had been an accident down in engineering and an ensign was currently occupying an operating table. It had been a nasty mishap, and the man’s arm was seeping blood everywhere, staining the whiteness of the infirmary.
Blood dropped from the table and formed a small red pool on the tiles below. Time slowed down as Julian caught the site. A memory came unbidden to his mind and he saw his father with a paintbrush in his hands working intently. Julian had been bouncing a ball as he watched his father, jealous that the wall was getting more attention than him.
It hadn’t been a conscious action, and Julian didn’t know if it was on purpose or not, but the ball somehow got away from him and slammed into the paint bucket, causing it to fall over. Its contents spread everywhere, soaking his father’s shoes and leaving a permanent stain on the carpet.
The paint had been red, vibrant and bright and gaudy. The stain, though, had been hideously dark reminding Julian of a scab.
Then the memory was gone, Richard’s disapproving face and all, and Julian was back in the infirmary. His attention snapped back to the emergency at hand and soon enough the whole ordeal had faded back into the creases of his recollection.
…
Julian stepped into his quarters. He stayed there at the door for a few minutes, taking in the silence; he didn’t turn the lights on, not wanting to amplify his migraine.
As he reached up and rubbed his temples something rustled in the other room. Julian’s hands stilled and he strained his ears to see if he could hear it again. A second, two, ten-nothing. He called out, no response.
Dismissing it as another service of the pounding in his head Julian kept the lights off, heading to his room with the intention of lying down and hopefully sleeping the migraine away.
There was a muffled giggle and Julian stopped in his tracks. Again he called out, this time getting more giggles as a response. He demanded to know who was there and why but his questions went unanswered.
The sound was coming from his room and Julian carefully crept closer to the doorway. He listened as the giggles got louder and louder, sending a stabbing jolt of pain through his head. He suffered through it, the only visible sign of pain a cringe he couldn’t help.
The giggles crescendoed into repulsive guffaws and Julian couldn’t take it anymore. He rushed through the door and shouted at the computer to raise the lights full force.
The darkness disappeared instantly, as did the laughter. The man looked around but he couldn’t spot anything or anyone.
Kukalaka stared at him with lifeless eyes; just for a split second those plastic orbs glinted in a way that made Julian infinitely more uncomfortable than the rest of the situation had.
Julian steadied his breathing, ordered the lights dimmed but not completely off, and curled up on his bed.
That night it took him an eternity to finally fall asleep, to which he was rewarded with a nightmare he couldn’t remember come morning.
…
It was a few days later and there hadn’t been any other incidents as before, save for the nightmares which were getting steadily worse though Julian never recalled a single scene when awake. He viewed that as for the best.
He set his plate down across from Garak’s and greeted the Cardassian, giving him a forced smile.
“My dear, the bags under your eyes are even more pronounced than yesterday. And you’re hardly eating at anywhere near your normal speed. Though normally that would be a wonderful achievement I can’t help but feel something is wrong. Have you been feeling well, Doctor?” Garak inquired.
“Oh, just late nights, little sleep,” Julian waved off, trying to put on an air of casualness. “Doctors never get enough rest.”
He knew by that glint in his companion’s eyes that Garak hadn’t bought the poor excuse. Thankfully however he let it drop and Julian ate with gusto, hoping to banish any worries his friend held on his behalf.
…
Julian smiled at his patient, the ensign that had been in the accident a few days previous. The man was there for a simple check-up this time. Julian took great pride in informing Lovhaug that there weren’t any signs of complications and he could return to work the following day.
The doctor glanced down at the device in his hands. The screen started to flicker and he watched dispiritedly as the data there moved on its own, a blurry image forming. He couldn’t tell what it was at first, but soon the numbers and letters settled down into place and sharpened, showing Julian the face of his father.
The A’s of its eyes glared up disapprovingly at his son. Then the figures representing the thin line of Richard’s mouth morphed together into an O and the stern face looked ready to speak.
“Doctor?”
Julian jumped and looked up; it had been ensign Lovhaug who spoke.
“Ah,” Julian said when he found his voice, “I have a, an appointment to make. Try to stay out of trouble.”
Julian tossed his equipment onto the counter and was out of there in a flash.
…
Julian couldn’t be around anyone, not right now. The strange visions, the intense migraines-it just wasn’t a good idea.
He couldn’t return to his quarters, either. He knew what would happen: that laughing monster would start up again and drive him insane. Then, when it stopped, if he closed his eyes the nightmares would strike. At this point it was better to just stay awake and keep busy.
Keep busy? Seeing patients was supposed to keep him busy but his father’s face…
No. Just banish the strange images. Deal with them later. For now…
For now, go home. Relax. There hadn’t been any of that strange laughter since the first time, it wouldn’t start up now out of nowhere. Calm down with some tea.
Resolved to do just that Julian headed for his quarters. Inside he ordered the lights on low enough not to bother his eyes but not too dark that he couldn’t see whatever hid itself in the shadows.
Julian replicated a tea and sat down in the most optimal spot to see all around his living area, including the entrance and the doors leading to either his bedroom or bathroom. His alert eyes scanned everything as he sipped his drink; he was going to catch whatever was doing this to him.
A few hours passed with nothing happening except Julian reaching the end of his third cup. As he moved to get a refill a shadow moved in his peripheral vision. He spun around; no one was there.
Then on the other side of the room he heard a soft pitter-patter and he swiveled his head to the left. Again he saw no one; Julian narrowed his eyes.
It was quick, but Julian heard the small childlike giggle. He turned as he heard the bedroom door slide open and more pitter-patters trailed through.
Julian took a deep breath and crept over to the bedroom. He peeked around the corner and looked Kukalaka straight in the plastic eyes. His teddy bear was on his special pillow, but his mouth was stitched upwards in a ghoulish smile.
Julian ran out of there and back to his office in the infirmary. He laid down on the cot in the back, only fitful sleep gracing him.
…
Over the next several days Julian staid mostly in the infirmary, working himself to exhaustion and passing out only when he desperately needed to on the increasingly uncomfortable cot. He knew his nurses were growing concerned but he dismissed any of their questions. He did the same if Miles or Jadzia came by, trying to get him to join them at Quarks.
It was the sixth day like this (or was that seventh-Julian couldn’t tell the days apart anymore) when Garak finally visited him.
At first Julian was concerned that his Cardassian companion was there; the other man usually avoided the infirmary as though he was avoiding death itself. Then, when Garak invited him to lunch, Julian realized he was there to try and coax him back out into the world.
The visions and migraines hadn’t stopped completely since he’d retreated to the infirmary, but they had eased up tremendously. In the past week he had been privy to only a handful of strange things, and his dreams weren’t leaving him as drained as they had been. Not once, more importantly, had he heard that giggling, either.
Julian wanted to refuse Garak, and he even opened his mouth to do so, but he couldn’t bring himself to decline the request. If it had been anyone else, yes, but Garak had a way about him that made Julian unable to deny the other man anything.
He smiled weakly and resigned himself to the lunch date.
…
They ate in Garak’s quarters. It was nice, and Julian actually enjoyed himself. He smiled genuinely at Garak, the first one in what felt like eons.
Garak tried to get him to open up in that round-about way of his; maybe it was the paranoid state he’d been in lately what with everything that had happened, but Julian caught on and sidestepped the gentle prodding.
An hour passed by like a breeze. As Julian excused himself Garak surprised him by inviting him back later that evening for dinner. Maybe it was Julian’s own emotion, but he swore he saw a glint of hope in Garak’s eyes and he accepted.
…
The evening was better than lunch, and Julian fully enjoyed himself. Somehow Garak managed to take his mind off the war, his work, even the nightmares and visions. He had never been more grateful for his friend’s company.
The evening grew later, and Julian begrudgingly knew it was time to leave. He began his goodbye when again the Cardassian surprised him; this time he asked Julian to spend the night.
Julian just stood there for a minute, flabbergasted at the sudden invitation. Slowly his mouth curved upwards happily and he nodded once.
The only thing that happened that night was Garak leaning in so close to kiss him yet pulling away at the last possible second. Julian’s heart sank, but just a bit.
Sleeping in Garak’s bed, the other man there by his side all night, Julian didn’t have a single nightmare.
…
Garak convinced Julian to take some vacation time. They decided that Julian would stay with Garak in his quarters, an idea Julian put forth himself; it was the only way he would agree to it, not explaining why he couldn’t stay in his.
Garak tried suggesting they stay at Julian’s, which the other man vehemently refused. Then Garak brought up how the other Starfleet officers might not approve of the situation. Julian laughed, saying it was the least of his worries.
They had to go to Julian’s quarters, however, to pack the man’s clothing. When Julian visibly paled at the notion Garak hurriedly assured that he would accompany him.
So Julian finally went back to his quarters. He kept calm as the door slid open and he walked in, Garak close behind. Julian ordered the lights on throughout all the rooms before slowly heading to his bedroom. He made a fastidious sweep across that front room with his eyes, looking for any shadows that might move when they shouldn’t.
Making sure Garak followed him in, Julian entered his bedroom. He glanced once at Kukalaka before turning away quickly; he couldn’t bear holding the toy’s gaze. Julian went over to his closet and haphazardly grabbed clothing, not caring what he picked as long as he didn’t have to spend any more time than absolutely needed.
Garak watched him closely. Julian didn’t mind his eyes on him.
Julian turned back around and forced a smile out. He told Garak he had everything he needed as he started for the door.
Questioningly Garak asked if he wanted to take the stuffed animal. Julian spun around and exclaimed, “No!”
Garak was taken aback at the sudden desperate protest. Julian, remembering himself, took a deep breath and apologized. Then he said pointedly that Kukalaka would stay there.
Julian chanced a glance at Kukalaka and knew he saw anger in those plastic eyes.
…
For the next few days Julian was in bliss. He hardly spent any time away from Garak’s side, and he was slowly integrating back into a healthier social life. At nights he wasn’t tormented with unremembered nightmares and was actually getting restful sleep while during the day he wasn’t accosted with any strange vision or that horrid laughter.
The small paradisiacal vacation had to end though, Julian knew this. The week ended and he was back at work, but at least now he was in an overall better state, actually looking forward to being back on duty.
Things went smoothly that first day. Luckily there weren’t any medical emergencies or life threatening dilemmas he had to deal with, and his nurses were pleased to have him back and looking healthier, as Jaraba made it a point to tell him.
Still none of those visions, either. His father’s face didn’t appear on his equipment screens, blood didn’t seep through the walls or anything like that, and he hadn’t felt a migraine budding either. Things were looking up.
Things were about the same the following day, except that Julian constantly felt a prickling on the back of his neck. He ignored it, and the sequential feeling that someone was watching him.
His days staid like that for a while, and Julian settled down into a happy routine of work, Garak, his friends, and more Garak before beginning again. His hair kept standing on end whenever he was alone, though, so he made sure to rarely be alone.
…
Julian went over to the replicator; Garak was already at the table saving him a seat. The doctor smiled to himself as he ordered lunch. He had been trying to eat slower just as a small way to show his appreciation for his Cardassian companion. Julian knew he was still too fast for Garak’s tastes, but he was getting better at least.
As he was about to remove his tray he noticed something dripping into his drink, something red.
No. Oh, god, no.
It was back, that too-familiar substance. Julian tried to back up, to recoil from the sight in disgust; he was stuck, though, hypnotized by the obscene drip drip drip.
The blood didn’t care to just tease him like this, though. The droplets turned into a steady stream then grew in size until it was a river rushing out of the replicator. It gushed out, covering his shoes and his clothes, spilling onto the floor and flooding the Replicant.
Finally Julian snapped out of his paralysis. He took two steps back then turn and ran as fast as he could out of the crowded area. His feet knew where to take him even before his rational mind realized where.
Julian banged the security code on the door padd and tore into his quarters. The lights came on full force; Julian didn’t know if he had ordered the computer or if it had been automatic.
Julian didn’t slow his pace until he was inside his room that had remained untouched for weeks. Kukalaka was sitting on his special pillow like always, facing the door as if waiting for Julian.
Julian stomped over to Kukalaka and loomed over the bear. He started yelling, demanding to know what he wanted from the doctor, why he was doing this to him. He screamed himself hoarse but that ersatz teddy bear, that malevolent stand-in for his childhood companion only stared up at him.
His knees buckled and the man fell to the floor. He kept mumbling to the toy, begging it to leave him alone. He didn’t receive any sort of answer.
Julian didn’t know how long he staid like that, his body shivering from a mixture of fear and anger. At one point he heard a low hum, bringing his attention back to the bear on his bed.
He grew enraged and screamed at Kukalaka again, accusing the bear of being proud of himself for how he had broken Julian down. Kukalaka’s mouth was stitched upwards in a ruthless smirk.
Something snapped inside Julian and before he realized what he was doing he had grabbed the bear by the furry neck and was throttling Kukalaka, yelling at him to stop his macabre game.
Julian saw that the stitching was now in an o of surprise, dark eyes glinting with worry. This made Julian’s own lips twitch upwards viciously, a darkness inside of him he had never known he possessed rising to the surface.
He squeezed harder, then reached up and ripped off Kukalaka’s right eye. The teddy bear didn’t make a sound, but it was Julian’s medical opinion that it was in pain.
The now useless plastic hung perilously on thin thread; the sight both disgusted and fascinated the doctor.
Julian, in a frenzied attempt to rid himself of his demons, flung Kukalaka across the room. The toy landed on the other side of the bed where Julian couldn’t see him.
At first the man was relived, like a giant weight had been lifted from his tired shoulders. When it occurred to him that he couldn’t see Kukalaka, and thus the bear could be doing anything, he grew increasingly worried.
Julian staid cemented to the spot, waiting for Kukalaka to make the next move. Several minutes ticked by with nothing, though, not even rustling.
Slowly, Julian inched his way around the bed, eyes darting everywhere in fear of getting surprise attacked. When he rounded the corner he looked down; he half expected the toy to spring up with a knife.
Instead, Kukalaka just lay there like a ragged teddy bear. Besides the hanging eye it looked no different than before all this had started.
Julian didn’t know how long he staid gazing down at his cherished childhood companion. Eventually Garak found him like that and softly called out his name.
Julian smiled tiredly at Garak and, as the other man approached him, practically collapsed in his arms. He didn’t give Garak a proper explanation right then and there, but he figured the Cardassian hadn’t been expecting one.
He let Garak lead him out of his bedroom and away from Kukalaka. When they left Julian’s quarters he had to be carried as he drifted off into a sleep uninterrupted with nightmares.
Grateful that he at least had a few minutes to grab a quick lunch, Julian went up to the replicator. He ordered a Raktijino and a sandwich, smiling in confidence that Garak couldn’t beret him for eating fast today.
He started to pull out his tray when something caught his eye: a red liquid was dripping into his Raktijino. He stared at it hypnotically for a moment, wondering what it could be. For a second all the noise around him seemed to dim and the drip drip drip became the only thing he could hear. The sound was both loud and dull at once, both menacing yet beckoning.
He should know what it was, that liquid falling almost obscenely into his cup. It looked familiar, so familiar…Then it hit him: it was blood.
Suddenly reality came crashing back, the loud voices around him jolting to the man. He shook his head, pulled out his tray, and went over to the table Garak had saved for them. There was no trace of that red substance.
…
“Doctor, your shift ended over two hours ago.”
Julian tore his eyes away from the padd in his hand and looked up at his Bajoran nurse. There was concern in her eyes; Julian had been staying later and later the past week and the woman knew he hardly slept.
Smiling weakly at her Julian assured, “I’ll head home soon. Thank you, Jaraba.”
She nodded and left the man alone again.
Julian set the padd down as he rubbed his eyes tiredly. He was worn, and he knew he should rest in case there was some emergency. With things how they were lately it wouldn’t surprise him if he got summoned to the war room as soon as his head hit a pillow.
He debated with himself briefly on whether he should even bother walking all the way to his quarters or just lie down on the cot he had in his office for late nights such as this. Eventually he decided he could use the walk, maybe quiet his mind some so he wouldn’t spend an hour awake just laying there uselessly.
The corridors were deserted at this hour, and Julian was thankful for the relative silence; all he could hear were the hums and buzzes of the station’s innards. His head had been killing him since lunch and medication hadn’t helped any.
It was silly, but everything seemed darker than normal. Julian shook the notion from his head; it was just his overactive imagination playing with him again, just as it had been at the Replicant. He was simply exhausted, that was all, something hopefully a few hours of sleep would take care of.
In his quarters Julian let out a long yawn as he headed to his room. He collapsed on his bed without bothering to strip off his uniform. He mumbled goodnight to Kukalaka resting on a special throw pillow Leeta had bought especially for the teddy bear.
“Goodnight, Julian. I love you.”
“Mm. Love you, too,” Julian replied, already beginning to drift off.
Suddenly his eyes snapped open and he turned to Kukalaka. The bear just sat there, mouth nothing more than unmovable stitching and eyes plastic and unseeing. Julian took a deep breath and told himself that he had been hearing things, his mind playing more tricks on him.
Overactive imagination, and all that.
He closed his eyes and forced himself to fall asleep.
…
There had been an accident down in engineering and an ensign was currently occupying an operating table. It had been a nasty mishap, and the man’s arm was seeping blood everywhere, staining the whiteness of the infirmary.
Blood dropped from the table and formed a small red pool on the tiles below. Time slowed down as Julian caught the site. A memory came unbidden to his mind and he saw his father with a paintbrush in his hands working intently. Julian had been bouncing a ball as he watched his father, jealous that the wall was getting more attention than him.
It hadn’t been a conscious action, and Julian didn’t know if it was on purpose or not, but the ball somehow got away from him and slammed into the paint bucket, causing it to fall over. Its contents spread everywhere, soaking his father’s shoes and leaving a permanent stain on the carpet.
The paint had been red, vibrant and bright and gaudy. The stain, though, had been hideously dark reminding Julian of a scab.
Then the memory was gone, Richard’s disapproving face and all, and Julian was back in the infirmary. His attention snapped back to the emergency at hand and soon enough the whole ordeal had faded back into the creases of his recollection.
…
Julian stepped into his quarters. He stayed there at the door for a few minutes, taking in the silence; he didn’t turn the lights on, not wanting to amplify his migraine.
As he reached up and rubbed his temples something rustled in the other room. Julian’s hands stilled and he strained his ears to see if he could hear it again. A second, two, ten-nothing. He called out, no response.
Dismissing it as another service of the pounding in his head Julian kept the lights off, heading to his room with the intention of lying down and hopefully sleeping the migraine away.
There was a muffled giggle and Julian stopped in his tracks. Again he called out, this time getting more giggles as a response. He demanded to know who was there and why but his questions went unanswered.
The sound was coming from his room and Julian carefully crept closer to the doorway. He listened as the giggles got louder and louder, sending a stabbing jolt of pain through his head. He suffered through it, the only visible sign of pain a cringe he couldn’t help.
The giggles crescendoed into repulsive guffaws and Julian couldn’t take it anymore. He rushed through the door and shouted at the computer to raise the lights full force.
The darkness disappeared instantly, as did the laughter. The man looked around but he couldn’t spot anything or anyone.
Kukalaka stared at him with lifeless eyes; just for a split second those plastic orbs glinted in a way that made Julian infinitely more uncomfortable than the rest of the situation had.
Julian steadied his breathing, ordered the lights dimmed but not completely off, and curled up on his bed.
That night it took him an eternity to finally fall asleep, to which he was rewarded with a nightmare he couldn’t remember come morning.
…
It was a few days later and there hadn’t been any other incidents as before, save for the nightmares which were getting steadily worse though Julian never recalled a single scene when awake. He viewed that as for the best.
He set his plate down across from Garak’s and greeted the Cardassian, giving him a forced smile.
“My dear, the bags under your eyes are even more pronounced than yesterday. And you’re hardly eating at anywhere near your normal speed. Though normally that would be a wonderful achievement I can’t help but feel something is wrong. Have you been feeling well, Doctor?” Garak inquired.
“Oh, just late nights, little sleep,” Julian waved off, trying to put on an air of casualness. “Doctors never get enough rest.”
He knew by that glint in his companion’s eyes that Garak hadn’t bought the poor excuse. Thankfully however he let it drop and Julian ate with gusto, hoping to banish any worries his friend held on his behalf.
…
Julian smiled at his patient, the ensign that had been in the accident a few days previous. The man was there for a simple check-up this time. Julian took great pride in informing Lovhaug that there weren’t any signs of complications and he could return to work the following day.
The doctor glanced down at the device in his hands. The screen started to flicker and he watched dispiritedly as the data there moved on its own, a blurry image forming. He couldn’t tell what it was at first, but soon the numbers and letters settled down into place and sharpened, showing Julian the face of his father.
The A’s of its eyes glared up disapprovingly at his son. Then the figures representing the thin line of Richard’s mouth morphed together into an O and the stern face looked ready to speak.
“Doctor?”
Julian jumped and looked up; it had been ensign Lovhaug who spoke.
“Ah,” Julian said when he found his voice, “I have a, an appointment to make. Try to stay out of trouble.”
Julian tossed his equipment onto the counter and was out of there in a flash.
…
Julian couldn’t be around anyone, not right now. The strange visions, the intense migraines-it just wasn’t a good idea.
He couldn’t return to his quarters, either. He knew what would happen: that laughing monster would start up again and drive him insane. Then, when it stopped, if he closed his eyes the nightmares would strike. At this point it was better to just stay awake and keep busy.
Keep busy? Seeing patients was supposed to keep him busy but his father’s face…
No. Just banish the strange images. Deal with them later. For now…
For now, go home. Relax. There hadn’t been any of that strange laughter since the first time, it wouldn’t start up now out of nowhere. Calm down with some tea.
Resolved to do just that Julian headed for his quarters. Inside he ordered the lights on low enough not to bother his eyes but not too dark that he couldn’t see whatever hid itself in the shadows.
Julian replicated a tea and sat down in the most optimal spot to see all around his living area, including the entrance and the doors leading to either his bedroom or bathroom. His alert eyes scanned everything as he sipped his drink; he was going to catch whatever was doing this to him.
A few hours passed with nothing happening except Julian reaching the end of his third cup. As he moved to get a refill a shadow moved in his peripheral vision. He spun around; no one was there.
Then on the other side of the room he heard a soft pitter-patter and he swiveled his head to the left. Again he saw no one; Julian narrowed his eyes.
It was quick, but Julian heard the small childlike giggle. He turned as he heard the bedroom door slide open and more pitter-patters trailed through.
Julian took a deep breath and crept over to the bedroom. He peeked around the corner and looked Kukalaka straight in the plastic eyes. His teddy bear was on his special pillow, but his mouth was stitched upwards in a ghoulish smile.
Julian ran out of there and back to his office in the infirmary. He laid down on the cot in the back, only fitful sleep gracing him.
…
Over the next several days Julian staid mostly in the infirmary, working himself to exhaustion and passing out only when he desperately needed to on the increasingly uncomfortable cot. He knew his nurses were growing concerned but he dismissed any of their questions. He did the same if Miles or Jadzia came by, trying to get him to join them at Quarks.
It was the sixth day like this (or was that seventh-Julian couldn’t tell the days apart anymore) when Garak finally visited him.
At first Julian was concerned that his Cardassian companion was there; the other man usually avoided the infirmary as though he was avoiding death itself. Then, when Garak invited him to lunch, Julian realized he was there to try and coax him back out into the world.
The visions and migraines hadn’t stopped completely since he’d retreated to the infirmary, but they had eased up tremendously. In the past week he had been privy to only a handful of strange things, and his dreams weren’t leaving him as drained as they had been. Not once, more importantly, had he heard that giggling, either.
Julian wanted to refuse Garak, and he even opened his mouth to do so, but he couldn’t bring himself to decline the request. If it had been anyone else, yes, but Garak had a way about him that made Julian unable to deny the other man anything.
He smiled weakly and resigned himself to the lunch date.
…
They ate in Garak’s quarters. It was nice, and Julian actually enjoyed himself. He smiled genuinely at Garak, the first one in what felt like eons.
Garak tried to get him to open up in that round-about way of his; maybe it was the paranoid state he’d been in lately what with everything that had happened, but Julian caught on and sidestepped the gentle prodding.
An hour passed by like a breeze. As Julian excused himself Garak surprised him by inviting him back later that evening for dinner. Maybe it was Julian’s own emotion, but he swore he saw a glint of hope in Garak’s eyes and he accepted.
…
The evening was better than lunch, and Julian fully enjoyed himself. Somehow Garak managed to take his mind off the war, his work, even the nightmares and visions. He had never been more grateful for his friend’s company.
The evening grew later, and Julian begrudgingly knew it was time to leave. He began his goodbye when again the Cardassian surprised him; this time he asked Julian to spend the night.
Julian just stood there for a minute, flabbergasted at the sudden invitation. Slowly his mouth curved upwards happily and he nodded once.
The only thing that happened that night was Garak leaning in so close to kiss him yet pulling away at the last possible second. Julian’s heart sank, but just a bit.
Sleeping in Garak’s bed, the other man there by his side all night, Julian didn’t have a single nightmare.
…
Garak convinced Julian to take some vacation time. They decided that Julian would stay with Garak in his quarters, an idea Julian put forth himself; it was the only way he would agree to it, not explaining why he couldn’t stay in his.
Garak tried suggesting they stay at Julian’s, which the other man vehemently refused. Then Garak brought up how the other Starfleet officers might not approve of the situation. Julian laughed, saying it was the least of his worries.
They had to go to Julian’s quarters, however, to pack the man’s clothing. When Julian visibly paled at the notion Garak hurriedly assured that he would accompany him.
So Julian finally went back to his quarters. He kept calm as the door slid open and he walked in, Garak close behind. Julian ordered the lights on throughout all the rooms before slowly heading to his bedroom. He made a fastidious sweep across that front room with his eyes, looking for any shadows that might move when they shouldn’t.
Making sure Garak followed him in, Julian entered his bedroom. He glanced once at Kukalaka before turning away quickly; he couldn’t bear holding the toy’s gaze. Julian went over to his closet and haphazardly grabbed clothing, not caring what he picked as long as he didn’t have to spend any more time than absolutely needed.
Garak watched him closely. Julian didn’t mind his eyes on him.
Julian turned back around and forced a smile out. He told Garak he had everything he needed as he started for the door.
Questioningly Garak asked if he wanted to take the stuffed animal. Julian spun around and exclaimed, “No!”
Garak was taken aback at the sudden desperate protest. Julian, remembering himself, took a deep breath and apologized. Then he said pointedly that Kukalaka would stay there.
Julian chanced a glance at Kukalaka and knew he saw anger in those plastic eyes.
…
For the next few days Julian was in bliss. He hardly spent any time away from Garak’s side, and he was slowly integrating back into a healthier social life. At nights he wasn’t tormented with unremembered nightmares and was actually getting restful sleep while during the day he wasn’t accosted with any strange vision or that horrid laughter.
The small paradisiacal vacation had to end though, Julian knew this. The week ended and he was back at work, but at least now he was in an overall better state, actually looking forward to being back on duty.
Things went smoothly that first day. Luckily there weren’t any medical emergencies or life threatening dilemmas he had to deal with, and his nurses were pleased to have him back and looking healthier, as Jaraba made it a point to tell him.
Still none of those visions, either. His father’s face didn’t appear on his equipment screens, blood didn’t seep through the walls or anything like that, and he hadn’t felt a migraine budding either. Things were looking up.
Things were about the same the following day, except that Julian constantly felt a prickling on the back of his neck. He ignored it, and the sequential feeling that someone was watching him.
His days staid like that for a while, and Julian settled down into a happy routine of work, Garak, his friends, and more Garak before beginning again. His hair kept standing on end whenever he was alone, though, so he made sure to rarely be alone.
…
Julian went over to the replicator; Garak was already at the table saving him a seat. The doctor smiled to himself as he ordered lunch. He had been trying to eat slower just as a small way to show his appreciation for his Cardassian companion. Julian knew he was still too fast for Garak’s tastes, but he was getting better at least.
As he was about to remove his tray he noticed something dripping into his drink, something red.
No. Oh, god, no.
It was back, that too-familiar substance. Julian tried to back up, to recoil from the sight in disgust; he was stuck, though, hypnotized by the obscene drip drip drip.
The blood didn’t care to just tease him like this, though. The droplets turned into a steady stream then grew in size until it was a river rushing out of the replicator. It gushed out, covering his shoes and his clothes, spilling onto the floor and flooding the Replicant.
Finally Julian snapped out of his paralysis. He took two steps back then turn and ran as fast as he could out of the crowded area. His feet knew where to take him even before his rational mind realized where.
Julian banged the security code on the door padd and tore into his quarters. The lights came on full force; Julian didn’t know if he had ordered the computer or if it had been automatic.
Julian didn’t slow his pace until he was inside his room that had remained untouched for weeks. Kukalaka was sitting on his special pillow like always, facing the door as if waiting for Julian.
Julian stomped over to Kukalaka and loomed over the bear. He started yelling, demanding to know what he wanted from the doctor, why he was doing this to him. He screamed himself hoarse but that ersatz teddy bear, that malevolent stand-in for his childhood companion only stared up at him.
His knees buckled and the man fell to the floor. He kept mumbling to the toy, begging it to leave him alone. He didn’t receive any sort of answer.
Julian didn’t know how long he staid like that, his body shivering from a mixture of fear and anger. At one point he heard a low hum, bringing his attention back to the bear on his bed.
He grew enraged and screamed at Kukalaka again, accusing the bear of being proud of himself for how he had broken Julian down. Kukalaka’s mouth was stitched upwards in a ruthless smirk.
Something snapped inside Julian and before he realized what he was doing he had grabbed the bear by the furry neck and was throttling Kukalaka, yelling at him to stop his macabre game.
Julian saw that the stitching was now in an o of surprise, dark eyes glinting with worry. This made Julian’s own lips twitch upwards viciously, a darkness inside of him he had never known he possessed rising to the surface.
He squeezed harder, then reached up and ripped off Kukalaka’s right eye. The teddy bear didn’t make a sound, but it was Julian’s medical opinion that it was in pain.
The now useless plastic hung perilously on thin thread; the sight both disgusted and fascinated the doctor.
Julian, in a frenzied attempt to rid himself of his demons, flung Kukalaka across the room. The toy landed on the other side of the bed where Julian couldn’t see him.
At first the man was relived, like a giant weight had been lifted from his tired shoulders. When it occurred to him that he couldn’t see Kukalaka, and thus the bear could be doing anything, he grew increasingly worried.
Julian staid cemented to the spot, waiting for Kukalaka to make the next move. Several minutes ticked by with nothing, though, not even rustling.
Slowly, Julian inched his way around the bed, eyes darting everywhere in fear of getting surprise attacked. When he rounded the corner he looked down; he half expected the toy to spring up with a knife.
Instead, Kukalaka just lay there like a ragged teddy bear. Besides the hanging eye it looked no different than before all this had started.
Julian didn’t know how long he staid gazing down at his cherished childhood companion. Eventually Garak found him like that and softly called out his name.
Julian smiled tiredly at Garak and, as the other man approached him, practically collapsed in his arms. He didn’t give Garak a proper explanation right then and there, but he figured the Cardassian hadn’t been expecting one.
He let Garak lead him out of his bedroom and away from Kukalaka. When they left Julian’s quarters he had to be carried as he drifted off into a sleep uninterrupted with nightmares.