New Fraser&RayK Story: Understood (PG, gen)

[arrow00]

Title: Understood
Author: arrow00
Pairing: Fraser&RayK (oops, I made a gen)
Rating: PG
Wordcount: 3,426
Warnings: Not a very happy story. Tertiary? character death, illness.
Categories: gen, angst, friendship
Beta: nos4a2no9 did the first beta, and all additional errors are mine.
Summary: Fraser found his mouth strangely locked. He should offer to go with Ray.

Comments

[greek_jester]

This was beautifully written. It made me cry. Reminds me of my Nan - how, before she went, she wasn't her any more, & she would have hated what she became, & the relief/guilt when it was finally over...

Sorry, can't write any more at the moment.

[arrow00]

No, I know. You lost her more than once. And she lost herself, which is worse.

[mikes_grrl]

Shit. Yeah. That is exactly what it is like.

And now I'm Fraser, incapable of offering what people really need, because the pain of revisiting it all...no.

Brilliantly heartbreaking, every word so true. I can't say I *love* this fic but I respect it. I honor it.

*raises glass in a toast to memories*

[arrow00]

*raises glass*

Yeah. I very nearly didn't finish this story, and never had plans to post it. It was Nos who pointed out to me I needed to learn Fraser's lesson.

Who knows if it helps? They say misery shared is lessened, but I've always thought that was crap. I do think, though, even if it's not lighter, somehow it's easier to carry.

[simplystars]

They say misery shared is lessened, but I've always thought that was crap.

In my own experience, the misery was still misery, no lessening of it by anything other than time - three years, thereabouts, running the emotional gamut from the most unbearable ache to months and months of sheer numbness.

But it did mean something when other people tried to be there for me, even if they didn't know what to say or tried to buck me up when all I wanted was to wallow. Because the pain and rage and catharsis were so much better than trying to pretend everything was fine around the people who were uncomfortable if I let on that I was, you know, grieving.

This story is hard for me in many respects, but I think you wrote it beautifully. Thank you for that. *hugs*

[arrow00]

three years, thereabouts, running the emotional gamut

*hugs you back* It's like you undergo some life-changing torture mechanism.

so much better than trying to pretend everything was fine around the people who were uncomfortable if I let on that I was, you know, grieving

Yeah, I smell you, Fred. I found it exhausting trying to communicate from the other side of the wall. And it was a state of being, so it was always, until I felt like a walking Tarot card, the one with the skeleton on it.

[dragonflymuse]

I can really relate to Fraser in this situation; as a nurse, when parents/patients receive dire diagnoses, it is really hard to give support initially because, having seen and been through these situations before, knowing statistics and procedures and protocols and side effects, you worry about offering too much, too soon. One thing we are taught regarding communications with patients and families is that, if you don't have time to listen to the answers, don't ask the questions; so often when sticking to this particular pearl we, too, are reduced to the simplistic and seemingly rote questions and responses, the ones Ray becomes so frustrated with. And it is not because we don't care; it takes a lot to learn to balance what the family needs versus what you able to offer, be it emotionally, intellectually or spiritually

[arrow00]

I can't imagine being strong enough to face illness and dying daily in such a way; I've always thought nurses and doctors and caregivers were more than a little crazy. ;) No matter how grateful I am to folks like you for doing it.

::hearts sweet RayV::

[akite]

No reason to oops because you wrote a gen story. Sometimes, there's a story to tell that doesn't need any smut. This was one of them. My mom died from cancer when I was 9, so this really hit close to home for me. Bravo!

[arrow00]

I'm so sorry, sweet pea. I can't imagine facing that at such a young age.

[arrow00]

Thank you kindly for reading.