(Untitled)

[oldserpent]

The sleep thing kept catching me off guard, the first few times. Not the dreams, mind you, but the whizbang firecracker process itself - losing hours of New Time in the blink of an eye. And let me tell you, it staggers when you’re not quite expecting it, the waking up part. Which is why, before I opened my eyes, I didn’t notice much was off the

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[misscroft]

Lara had never seen James Bond in such a state before, which was probably why she didn't approach him straight away - merely stood around the corner of the duty free shop and watched as he...

What the hell was he doing? Smashing his face on the floor, groping himself, shouting at the sky...why, if the Lady Croft didn't know better, she'd think the gentleman spy had finally flipped his lid and gone completely bonkers.

But there had to be a more rational explanation than that. Bond was made of harder stuff - she knew that firsthand - than to behave in such a manner. In public, anyway. So it was with amusement and a slight feeling of trepidation that Lara stepped out from around the corner and approached the smoking man.

"Smoking is bad for your health, you know."

[misscroft]

"Let's just say I suspect he's been anticipating meeting you for a long time," Lara smiled. "Though, perhaps, not quite like this." Then again, wasn't it said that 'there's a bit of the Devil in all of us'? Lara wondered if Bond would appreciate the irony of that saying when - or if - he met this new arrival.

If he was telling the truth and not just completely off his rocker, of course.

[oldserpent]

I snorted - actually snorted (I've already developed a certain fondness for the varied palette of human expression), and then raised an eyebrow. 'Do you have any idea how broad a category that actually is? Jimmeny Christmas Himself knew he'd run into me someday.'

[misscroft]

"Sorry," said Lara, who wasn't. "I never was very good at guessing games." The hinting part, at least.

"He looks quite sharp in a tuxedo," she added.

[oldserpent]

'Oh, really?' I turned abruptly and snuck my head in at an angle above her shoulder, making a playful jab at puncturing a good old layer of personal space. (What a horrific concept, though I suppose without the thing I couldn't very well tempt you all to violate it.) 'How sharp? Fuckably so, would you say?'

[misscroft]

"Occasionally," said Lara mildly, apparently unaffected by his attempts to make her...uncomfortable. She was far too amused by the whole thing to take it seriously just yet. "Of course, he tends not to wander around with his trousers open," she continued, raising a coolly indifferent eyebrow at him, smirking.

[oldserpent]

'Now, where's the fun in that?' I countered cleverly, not the least bit put off by the minx's refusal to budge. In fact, I made the significantly bolder move of swinging the rest of my agile new body round behind her, until the faint aura of her bodyheat and the scent of her hair were near enough to throw my senses into a hormonal uproar.

[misscroft]

"Oh, you'd be surprised," she replied smoothly, and this time, she followed him with more than her eyes, shifting her footing around to face him - not least to make sure he would not notice the bulge at the small of her back, where one of her pistols was tucked underneath her shirt. "It depends on the occasion, I suppose."

[oldserpent]

To my delight, this little move put us nearly nose to nose. 'Oh?' I raised an eyebrow 'Mm, well. What about being afflicted by a raging hardon? Is that occasion enough to have one's trousers down?'

[misscroft]

Lara raised an eyebrow right back at him and looked down, very slowly and deliberately.

"Well now, that also depends," she said, "on what you plan to do with it, I suppose."

Any moment now, she was going to start laughing.

[oldserpent]

'Would you like me to show you?' I offered, managing a tone that was impossibly innocent. Just playing or not, she was asking for it, really she was.

Fleetingly, I had a thought - call it a flutter of inspiration. New body: does the almighty rape rule still apply?

Well, now...

[misscroft]

"Who says I haven't seen it before?" said Lara, who had. A smile was breaking through the stony expression, and she was dangerously close to cracking. Of course, she really ought to be frightened, or perhaps aroused, but the whole situation was just so palpably ridiculous it was difficult not to find it so amusing.

[oldserpent]

'Ooh, I wouldn't dare ignore the implication you know it better than I do, my dear. In fact, you might even be able to satisfy my curiosity.' I smiled brightly, sliding those unwieldy boots forward on the floor (leaving a fat red smudge on the tile while I was at it, tracking blood from the pool in front of the shop window) and quite pointedly arching my spine and pushing my hips into the jut of hers. 'How big is it, would you say? See, I don't know. Brand new equipment, and all that.'

[misscroft]

Lara had flirted with the devil many a time, but never quite so literally. It occurred to her that she was probably being extremely foolish - why, she hadn't even drawn her gun. So when he pressed forward, she reached backward, sliding the warm metal from her waistband.

"Not as big as this," she said, and she placed the barrel directly against his crotch, smiling pleasantly all the while.

[oldserpent]

Judging by the not-unsubstantial twitch of the groin brought on by this little bitty surprise, the gun idea probably didn't have the effect she'd intended.

'Cause I...well I quite enjoyed the lukewarm pressure of the barrel - it had a sort of homoerotic quality to it.

Yummy.

'You've shown me yours,' I murmured, tipping my mouth near her ear. 'You sure you wouldn't like to take a look at mine?'

[misscroft]

"Unfortunately for you," she said, taking a step back and lifting the gun to point at his chest, the smile not so much as wavering, "I already have."

He was an odd one, all right. People usually ran away, cried or urinated all over themselves when Lara got out her guns. Only a select few got out their own, this one included. Though, admittedly, it wasn't the sort of gun she'd had in mind.