Fanfiction : Naruto - NaruIno in 30_Kisses #21

[arrankaara]

Title: Getting Acquainted.
Type: Fanfiction : Naruto.
Prompt: Themes taken from 30_kisses. #21 Violence.
Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. Kishimoto does, but he sucks at it.
Rating: PG15. For language. And er... violence.
Word Count: 1,624 words.
Summary: Where Naruto roped in his students to help him in the mission of his life = Seduce Yamanaka Ino! [

Comments

[lilapriceless]

That is cute.

[arrankaara]

... Cute?

*dies*

[arrankaara]

I can't update both BSaM and FAO. :( So I took up to writing drabbles and short fics. I'm such a bad writer... *smacks self*

What is it about this fic that's cute?! I can't get it. Seriously. I mean, when I was writing it, I kept going WTF?! all the time because it's just so weird. Fancy the writer itself saying that her fic is weird, but that's that.

*smacks self again*

[deathraptor]

Very nice. sounds a lot like Naruto too.

[arrankaara]

Thanks! ^___________________^

[darkwindkaze]

Following the trend, I did find it cute my self. It was the interaction between them of course that made this so. And, like usual I love your characterization of Ino ^_~

[arrankaara]

Ino is not my favourite character for nothing. You know, sometimes I feel like I can relate to her. All the loud and bossy facade, but quite soft in the inside. Really cute. X_x

[darkwindkaze]

Sounds about right ^_^

[arrankaara]

You know, it's kinda weird how I missed you on YM. Whatever happened?

[wizard_surreal]

You said edit, right? Well, in the following sentence, the word "arses" should be singular rather than plural:

"… and the way he surprised a lot of people when he continued kicking arse after arse along his path to adulthood…"

Next section:

"The platinum blonde snorted unladylike-ly."

Here the problem is in the choice of words. You can do two things: A, place apostrophe marks around the word in question 'unladylike-ly', or B, in an unladylike fashion, or C, "The platinum blonde snorted punitively" where punitive means 'in disrespect'.

The same goes for the word 'karma-tastic'. I believe the word you're looking for is 'karmic'.

Next Section:

"And become a vegetarian… which meant that he won’t be able to eat meat… and beef ramen…"

Here there are two problems: the first being the choice of 'form' with the word 'won't' because it doesn't effectively capture what you wish to present. Here, the better word would be wouldn'tThe second problem is the grammar concerning the word which. Either you remove the word and replace it with a

[arrankaara]

Wow! This is really nice! A kinda detailed edit. Thank you so very much.

I'll correct the arse immediately! But I think there's one thing you should know about my writing: I tend to mix up words when I feel like it. Even invent some along the way. Like, 'karma-tastic', that's actually a kind of abbreviation for 'karma fantastic' because I'm silly that way. And 'unladylike-ly' is just a fun, fun way to incorporate more silliness into the ficlet.

Nevertheless, thanks for the edits. It is indeed much needed! \^___________^/

Edit checked!