Comments | arored_dai: (original) hello, goodbye

savepureness in arored_dai

(original) hello, goodbye

Feb 11, 2010 13:10

(for pulped_fictions : winter pulpympics: snow drabble #2)
355 words. G. sequel to say hi to lily-ann
( what rhymes with rick? )

original: ficlet, rating: g

Comments 5

train_lindz February 11 2010, 18:20:18 UTC

I like that you can feel the emotions through this so strongly that it creates a visual of the scene. I feel that I can see this acting out, and the room that they are in despite the fact that there isn't a description of it. You've created a picture of the scene without using an actual description.

I'm really pushing for a happy ending for Rick and Lily-Ann.

Great work!

train_lindz for Blue!

force_oblique February 13 2010, 23:40:48 UTC

awws this was so powerful!!
Nice work!

klose February 14 2010, 14:23:20 UTC

I don't really know what to say, other than that this is so sad. Like train_lindz, I too hope that these two will get a happy ending. (And I really like how you've used this prompt, and tied it in with "say hi to lily-ann"!)

katyhasclogs February 19 2010, 23:12:43 UTC

"He ran away, of course. They always do."

Ooh, nice double meaning there.

I also really like the way that you describe what he wants to to in such lovely detail. And then he doesn't. It makes the whole thing so sad.

hrymfaxe March 6 2010, 14:10:25 UTC

This is a lovely tie-in with the other piece you wrote - you have a wonderful knack for letting the emotions of your character stand out on the page without knocking the reader over the head with them. I really like how there are two different stories playing out here: the one in the room and the one inside Rick's head, and how different they are. Though I think Lily-Ann has a very good notion of both of them as well...