It really sounds as though your dad's been in/ is in denial about your mum's ongoing need for treatment, and what it means for him. He does seem to be taking it personally. (or at least how to limit his intake if nobody's there with him)... Just keep reminding yourself that he's an adult making his own decisions, and that whatever he does, you're not responsible for it. Hard, I know, but this is something you have no control over so please don't beat yourself over the head about it. I know that dealing with an alcoholic is horrible and emotionally draining, (been there, done that, didn't want the t-shirt) but ultimately you do need to remember that it's not up to you - only the alcoholic can make the decision to limit intake, or not drink at all. {{ hugs }}
I don't think he'd realised that the fact that he's made (or let - king of passive-aggressive, my Dad) her do almost everything for him for a very long time, had so seriously eroded his own capabilities/confidence/willingness to deal with the routine business of everyday living. He's had to deal, very suddenly, with what not having her would mean on a practical level - if only because my sisters and I don't automatically second-guess his every trivial need before he states it. He really is used to being able to sit there and be waited on.
In a way the alcohol thing is useful for motivating him in reacquiring small skills - isn't that awful? - knowing I'm not likely to (e.g.) stop preparing Mum's food to get him another drink or some easily accessible biscuits means he's getting up, carrying stuff to and from the fridge - in other words, actually giving his legs and hand muscles something to do (in lieu of his long-standing and long-abandoned physio, most of which is simple stuff like standing up and sitting down again and
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(or at least how to limit his intake if nobody's there with him)...
Just keep reminding yourself that he's an adult making his own decisions, and that whatever he does, you're not responsible for it. Hard, I know, but this is something you have no control over so please don't beat yourself over the head about it. I know that dealing with an alcoholic is horrible and emotionally draining, (been there, done that, didn't want the t-shirt) but ultimately you do need to remember that it's not up to you - only the alcoholic can make the decision to limit intake, or not drink at all. {{ hugs }}
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In a way the alcohol thing is useful for motivating him in reacquiring small skills - isn't that awful? - knowing I'm not likely to (e.g.) stop preparing Mum's food to get him another drink or some easily accessible biscuits means he's getting up, carrying stuff to and from the fridge - in other words, actually giving his legs and hand muscles something to do (in lieu of his long-standing and long-abandoned physio, most of which is simple stuff like standing up and sitting down again and ( ... )
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