You looks forward to the changing of seasons, to the thawing out of everything. It brings with it that hidden hope that as everything around you changes, you'll change too...magically of course. Without actually putting any effort into changing. But it doesn't quite work out that way.
Christ, if I wanted to change myself with effort, I could have
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And then like all people, when he knew he was caught, he admits everything and started quoting T.S. Eliot.
"Damnit Jack, I've been measuring out my life in coffee spoons!"
"I lived a perfectly lawful life, and just once, I dared to...eat....a....peach!"
Needless to say, I threw up in my mouth.
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