soliloquy
pairing baekyeol
rating pg-13
genres fluff, hs!au
words 6k
summary baekhyun has a masochistic habit of eavesdropping on the confessions chanyeol receives.
a/n holiday fic for vicah (coppertears)! Hope you like it wahahah...
also based off hayakawa nojiko's kurayami ni strobe it's actually quite close to the storyline.
s o l i l o q u y
"I noticed you first at your concert," she mumbles before she trails off.
Baekhyun can hear her feet fidget up on the second floor from where he sits on the first, perched on the stairs with a juice box dangling from between his fingers. There’s silence for a few heartbeats before the girl speaks again.
"You looked so cool playing guitar," she takes a breath and pauses again. "And so, since then, Chanyeol, I’ve…"
Baekhyun casually lifts the straw of the juice box to his face and takes a contemplative sip.
"…I’ve liked you."
"Thank you,” Chanyeol begins, “But..."
Baekhyun exhales, relief flooding his body.
"Huh?" the girl mumbles timidly. “But?”
Baekhyun has sat through enough of these to know next words, something about a particular activity taking up too much of Chanyeol’s time and energy, an excuse that has to do with the already occupied void in his heart that makes him incapable, somehow, of accepting someone else’s feelings. Sometimes Baekhyun wonders how much truth there is to his words and how much of it is just Chanyeol’s own nice way of friendzoning.
Still, nervousness grips his chest, sending subtle shivers down his body. His hand shakes as he brings the juicebox box up to his face again, capturing the straw with his lips with ease.
"Um…but band’s been consuming a lot of my life, so I don’t really have time to think of other things," Chanyeol says lightly.
His tone is kind, and Baekhyun’s sure Chanyeol’s lips are curved upwards in a sympathetic smile. It is convincing, Baekhyun thinks as lowers his drink, because it’s more or less true. He spends more time cooped up in the practice room than with Baekhyun, even, these days.
"Don’t get me wrong, I’m really thankful you feel this way about me. But right now I don’t think that-"
Baekhyun stands up silently, brushing the seat of his pants as he begins to amble down the hallway and towards the entrance of the school.
"-I can return your feelings."
"Ah," the girl’s tone drips with disappointment.
"So I’m sorry," Chanyeol says simply. “But thank you, again.”
Baekhyun bows his head, slipping his lanyard in his back pocket as a wave of relief floods his chest.
•
Chanyeol takes about 10 minutes to reach the bus stop, breath winding out in wisps of white into the frigid air. His cheeks are already tinged with pink from the cold by the time he spots Baekhyun casually leaning against the bus sign, and he waves as a dopey smile spreads across his features.
He really shouldn’t look that happy, Baekhyun thinks with a sigh. Especially after he just finished dumping a girl.
"Hey, why are you still around?" Chanyeol asks when he gets near, letting his backpack slide to the ground and propping his guitar against it. He peers down at Baekhyun.
"Soccer practice ended late," Baekhyun lies smoothly. He lifts his cleats, for good measure, not that Chanyeol ever suspects him, but, "Luhan’s been douchier lately with drills. So I just missed the bus."
"Oh," Chanyeol laughs, mirth tugging at his features. "Sorry to hear that."
"Why are you leaving late?" Baekhyun makes sure his tone is casual. He watches Chanyeol's reaction carefully.
"Oh you know," Chanyeol looks away from Baekhyun and out into the street, neither voice nor smile faltering. "Kris made me stay behind and clean and…stuff."
Baekhyun glances down at Chanyeol’s telltale left foot fidgeting against the concrete. Chanyeol has always been bad at lying, but Baekhyun doesn’t call him on it.
"So, are you doing anything after this?" Chanyeol glances back at Baekhyun. "We should go eat or something since it's almost dinner time."
"I think I’m free," Baekhyun grins as he sits down on the bus stop bench. "So that sounds good."
"I think I have this coupon for a free set of fries too," Chanyeol mutters as he gently places his guitar on the bench and begins to dig into his pockets.
Baekhyun snickers as Chanyeol fumbles and nearly drops his wallet on the street. A few wallet-sized photos slip from the fold and flutter to the ground. Chanyeol immediately scrambles, scooping them up before Baekhyun can catch a glimpse of the subjects.
“Wife and kids?” Baekhyun teases, joke stale against his tongue. A cocooned thought molts and flits through his mind, slipping past his lips before he can catch it, “Love interest?”
Chanyeol stays silent and lets his face split into an amused grin as he pockets the pictures. The bus chooses that moment to arrive, weary wheels juddering to a halt loud enough to interrupt the flow of conversation. And so Baekhyun lets it go.
They talk about usual as they ride the bus, like how their days were, dumb things their friends said, how Chanyeol popped a guitar string earlier that afternoon and how Baekhyun’s cleats nearly ripped out Minseok’s face a few hours earlier in an accidental pileup. Chanyeol doesn’t mention getting asked out or even spares a word about the girl he just rejected and Baekhyun laughs along (smiling) as if he doesn't know a thing.
It’s strange, Baekhyun thinks as Chanyeol loops a friendly arm around his shoulder, squeezing away any remaining personal space left between their seats. He instinctively quells the quickening pace of his heart with deliberately measured breaths. The elation, however, is impossible to subdue, and so he lets it dance to the tip of his nerves, a samba of ecstasy rippling through his body as he sighs to feign apathy.
Suppressing the truth naturally was strangely easy.
~•~
He wouldn’t say he’s ever fallen in love with Chanyeol.
At least not in the way it happened in the movies, with a particular moment causing him to drop his heart and lose his senses. He hasn’t fallen like the girls that confessed either. There wasn’t as if there was a particular day where he started seeing Chanyeol in a different light, when suddenly he was for a loss for words when Chanyeol rounded the corner, with a blush tinting his cheeks as all words escaped him. He has never entertained the prospect of Chanyeol liking him back. And he has never felt the urge to tell Chanyeol how he felt-in fact he strove to hide it. It just was in his nature.
It felt subtler than that, subdued almost to the point where they could be conveniently mistaken as friendship. Quickening heartbeats, unbridled elation, and an involuntary smile that grew whenever Chanyeol was near, yes, he had all of those symptoms. He also had an inability to be away from Chanyeol for long periods of time-a fault that probably was the main cause of his masochistic spying sessions. But the feelings hadn’t been novel since they day they met, and over the years he had learned to tame them.
Chanyeol has always been his world, he supposed if he felt like being dramatic. Perhaps he had been just too young to realize he had fallen on day one.
~•~
Baekhyun always spent lunchtimes in the classroom next door, trekking the short distance down the hall from 142A to 143C on the daily with his hands jammed into his uniform’s pockets. He had been unlucky this year, the only one out of their same-grade friends to be put in a separate classroom. By November, he had already grown used to the inconvenience of the commute, walking out of his room as soon as the bell rang for break and navigating to their islands of desks on autopilot.
Since Baekhyun tended to leave relatively early, usually the halls were empty. But today there is a petit girl shuffling nervously outside of the doorway, her phone clutched delicately between her manicured fingers.
He immediately knows why she’s there, and even though it was now routine, his heart still manages to sink slightly at the thought. When he gets closer, she turns around, slightly startled, and her lips pop open. Baekhyun can see the question in her eyes, even before she begins to speak.
“Excuse me-” she starts politely.
“This is his classroom, yeah,” Baekhyun nods before he slips through the doorway, walking quickly before she could say another word.
Only Jongdae, Yixing, and Kyungsoo are sitting at the assembly of desks when he shuffles towards their group. As he pulls out his seat, Jongdae greets his with a glance and a notice.
“Chanyeol will be back in a few minutes,” Jongdae mumbles through a mouthful of rice.
“He just went to the bathroom,” Kyungsoo pipes up.
“To take a piss,” Yixing finishes with a droll. “Or at least that’s what he was yelping before he sprinted out.”
“Hello to you all too,” Baekhyun makes a face as he plops into the chair. “And little too much information.”
“You were going to ask, so saving you the breath. But, hello,” Jongdae grins.
“Not to be a contrarian,” Baekhyun drawls, pulling his food out of his bag. “but I’m pretty sure I wasn’t going ask about whether he was urinating.”
“Okay that was all Yixing,” Jongdae threw his hands up.
Yixing shrugged, “Trivia is interesting. And now you implicitly know how long Chanyeol’s going to be out for.”
“Right,” Baekhyun says. Noticing Kyungsoo how looks quite done with the topic of bathrooms, he changes the subject. Having caught a glimpse of Chanyeol’s guitar laying in the corner, he asks, “So are you guys going to his concert thing?”
“Probably,” Jongdae mumbles as Kyungsoo and Yixing nod. “I take it you’re not?”
“I’d like to, but I can’t,” Baekhyun sighed.
“You’ve never seen him play before, have you?”
“I haven’t,” Baekhyun shakes his head. “Tuesday nights are always game nights. I’d go, but-”
“-the star player can’t miss the game,” a familiar voice cuts into the conversation as a pair of arms make itself comfortable on top of Baekhyun’s head.
“I mean,” Baekhyun frowns up at Chanyeol, head lightly hitting Chanyeol’s chest. “That’s not exactly how I was going to phrase it.”
“It’s true though,” Chanyeol smiles brightly down at Baekhyun.
Yixing coughs, Kyungsoo gets up, and Jongdae mutters, “Get a room.”
“He’s really good thou-oof!” Chanyeol manages to exclaim before Baekhyun rams an elbow into his chest.
“Cut that out,” Baekhyun hisses embarrassedly, not quite liking the looks they’re being shot.
“But you’re like a soccer prodigy, stop being modest,” Chanyeol continues to insist. “And I’m not just saying this as your best friend.”
“Augh, now you’re being annoying,” Baekhyun punches Chanyeol in the arm, watching Kyungsoo out of the corner of his eye as his friend makes his way to the door.
“But it’s what I actually think,” Chanyeol frowns before grabbing the back of Baekhyun’s neck, ”Accept it! You’re good at soccer!”
“Gah, okay, okay, OKAY,” Baekhyun cedes, curling his neck as he cringes away from Chanyeol’s hold. His neck was ticklish-damn Chanyeol for knowing his weak points-and Chanyeol only lets go after Baekhyun shouts his agreement several more times.
"Hey, Chanyeol," Kyungsoo calls from across the room. When Baekhyun glances over, he sees the petit girl standing timidly in the doorway. Kyungsoo jabs a thumb at her, face stoic (though it’s pretty much always stoic), "She wants to speak to you."
Jongdae takes the opportunity to shoves Chanyeol and he stumbles a few steps forward as everyone whoops.
"Come back a taken man," Jongdae waves as he leans his arm against the back of his seat. Something in Baekhyun’s heart pangs uncomfortably but he forces his face into a grin and laughs along with the crowd, throwing in the occasional hollow hoots for good measure.
"Huh?" Chanyeol turns around, confusion wrought in his furrowed brows.
"Nothing," Jongdae shoos him with a dismissive hand. "Just go already."
"Oh, okay," Chanyeol throws a wave, gaze sweeping their group. Maybe it’s delusion, but his eyes seem to linger on Baekhyun for a fraction of a second longer than the rest before he bounds towards the door. "See you guys in a bit."
Chanyeol is a little too nice, Baekhyun thinks, watching as Chanyeol ducks into a slight bow for the girl. Baekhyun recognizes her now, a relatively popular, soft-spoken girl in the year above. She was nice too, and innocent-Baekhyun had never pegged her as someone with the confidence to confess. Although she’s more put together than she usually is, hair brushed into a pretty bun and makeup highlighting her better features. A blush dusts a pretty rose hue across her face as she buries her head into her scarf before they walk out of sight.
They look cute together, and the thought bleeds unease into Baekhyun’s veins.
Baekhyun watches the clock out of the corner of his eye, waiting calculatedly for two minutes to pass before he casually gets up from his seat, legs of the chair creaking against the floor as he stands up.
He begins to stride out of the room, muttering over his shoulder, “I’ll be back.”
"Where are you off to again?" Jongdae asks, knowing smile playing on his lips.
Baekhyun laughs loudly, a little perturbed by the dual combination of Yixing’s watchful gaze and the way Jongdae’s grilling him, “Buying a soda.”
"Sure." Jongdae smirks as he rubs his nose. His expression visibly tells Baekhyun that he is unconvinced.
Baekhyun ignores Jongdae as he leaves the room.
~•~
The first time they met, it was an accident. Somehow, Baekhyun’s 8-year-old legs were strong enough to punt his soccer ball clear over his backyard fence. It had been a mixed moment of both triumph and fear, the feeling of pride of having proved to his older brother that he could kick the ball clear across their backyard (and then some) quickly transitioning into panic as soon as a slight yelp was heard on the other side.
Soon, the head of a boy popped up over the fence, his nose welted red from an unexpected meeting with the soccer ball cradled in his right hand. He was glaring as he held his nose bridge and chucked the ball (slightly vindictively) back over the fence.
“I think that’s yours,” the boy muttered, blinking his wide eyes in a daze. “It hit me in the head.”
“Sorry,” Baekhyun offered as he scuttles over to pick up the ball. He squinted up at the boy, feeling slightly guilty. Suddenly, an idea hit him, “Are you one of the ones that just moved in?”
“Yeah,” the boy nodded. “What about it?”
“Oh, uh, hello then,” Baekhyun pointed to his brother and then back to himself. “We’re your next door neighbors, I guess.”
“Cool.”
“Uh,” Baekhyun shuffled awkwardly. “Do you want to play soccer with us? Like to make it up to you, and to get to know each other, I guess.”
“Sure,” the boy said, disappearing from view before reappearing in their backyard a minute later.
They clicked instantly, which helped the afternoon pass by quickly. Even long after Baekhyun’s brother grew bored and returned to their house, Baekhyun and Chanyeol continued to kick the ball between them. They chattered until the shadows grew long, dashing and sliding, competitively showing off their moves and trick-shots as they each tried to out do each other.
And by the time the sun dipped low enough to swathe the world in a golden hue and as they lay resting side-by-side in the grass, flinging grass at each other and heatedly debating about who was history’s best soccer player, Baekhyun had found a best friend.
~•~
Why the stairwell was a popular confession location is beyond Baekhyun. The windowless ambiance of concrete and drywall is hardly romantic, and it's far from being a secluded place. Of course he isn’t complaining-it made it much easier for Baekhyun to eavesdrop, as the architecture created a natural sound tunnel that funneled their words straight into Baekhyun’s ear.
"I’m sorry for taking you out of class like this," the girl says unapologetically. Despite her diminutive figure, she sounds significantly more self-assured than the last-maybe that was a byproduct of age-induced maturity-but Baekhyun can still hear her restlessly shifting from a floor away. "But I just really wanted to tell you something.”
“Yeah?” Chanyeol’s voice cracks. It’s a fifty-fifty chance of whether it was due to puberty or attraction, and a sense of defeat begins to settle in his chest.
“Well, I think you’re…”
It wouldn’t be a bad thing if Chanyeol accepted the confession time around, Baekhyun thinks as he lightly placed the can of soda against the stair step In fact it could be a good thing. If he started going out with someone than Baekhyun could stop this degenerate charade. That would ultimately bring him relief, regardless of the implications. Even if Baekhyun felt bad for a few weeks, or a few months, over the long run it would really be less stressful and he could stop being trapped in this purgatory of infatuation-
Shock shoots startling bullets through his chest as his thoughts are interrupted but the loud buzzing of his cell phone, the ringtone echoing piercingly through the quiet halls before he manages to silence it.
"Hello?!" something, presumably the girl’s hands, hits the railing frantically as she peers over the ledge. "Is anyone there?!"
As Baekhyun flees down the hall, fear feels icy coursing down his spine.
•
"Well, that took you a while," Jongdae greets Baekhyun, a shit-eating grin spreading across his face.
"Machine was jammed," Baekhyun pants as he takes a seat. He glares, since dealing with Jongdae’s teasing was the last thing he wants to do right now.
"You look really out of breath,” Jongdae leans back in his seat, balancing himself on the back two legs of the chair. “What did you do, cage-fight it?"
"That’s exactly what I did," Baekhyun smiles serenely, sarcasm saturating his tone.
"Such brave. Much courage," Jongdae clicks his tongue. “You know there’s vending machine right around the corner right?”
“It doesn’t sell soda.”
“But it does,” Jongdae casually lifts a can up for Baekhyun’s viewing pleasure. “What it doesn’t do is take 20 minutes to get to.”
“Oh,” Baekhyun said stiffly and he folded his arms against his chest. “Well then I learned something new today.”
“Sure,” Jongdae skeptically narrows his eyes.
"Jeez,” Baekhyun rolls his eyes. “You never believe me."
"You just need to come up with more convincing excuses," Jongdae leans back in his chair. "Then I’ll believe you."
"Whatever."
"So," Jongdae asks innocently, eyes gauging Baekhyun. "Where’s Chanyeol?"
"I-" Baekhyun freezes. "Why would I know that?"
“You tell me, I stay right here during lunch,” Jongdae shrugs, grin still plastered on his features. Before he drops the subject, he throws quotations in the air, “I don’t, ‘get sodas.’ I get sodas.”
Baekhyun glares as he takes a seat. Jongdae’s snickers are loud but not unkind, but it still puts Baekhyun on an edge.
Trepidation is uncomfortable, and so he gets up and heads back to his classroom before Chanyeol returns.
~•~
Soccer, as they found out early, was not a sport for individuals with weak ankles. This became knowledge when Chanyeol sat dejectedly in a cast for the second time in a year, his jersey slung over the back of hospital chair Baekhyun occupied. They were 11 years old by then.
Closer than ever, and fellow members on their local junior league's soccer team.
It was an ankle fracture, the doctor explained as he pointed to pronounced streak in the x-ray, and it was along the same line as the last one had been. Perhaps, the doctor said gently as he beckoned in a crutch-carrying nurse, it would be best if he kept of his injury for at least six months. Better, even, if Chanyeol stopped stressing his ankles and playing soccer all together.
Chanyeol had scowled when his mother had agreed, her hands gently resting on his shoulders as she whispered, it’s for the best. And Baekhyun had felt numb, the full impact of Chanyeol’s withdrawal not hitting home until he stood on the field the next day with Minseok on his left instead of his best friend. Chanyeol still attended their games for a while, hunched in his honorary seat on the sidelines as he cheered them on, even after his cast was removed. Eventually, though, he began to stop by less, tapering his visits down from every game and every practice to once a week, once a month, until he stopped coming at all.
Baekhyun noticed, since every afternoon was consumed by soccer practice. The loss of Chanyeol’s visits translated to the loss of Chanyeol-filled afternoons, with their only time to hang out now limited to weekends, lunchtimes and the thin sliver of time between the end of school and start of practice.
And eventually their time afterschool faded too, with Chanyeol texting him more and more frequently, hey sorry, I’m going to be busy.
It was only after Baekhyun had received such a text every day of an unfortunate week that he had thought to ask Chanyeol himself why he was busy.
“Guitar,” Chanyeol held up the instrument proudly. He had found a new hobby in the wake of losing his old one, and his eyes sparkled brighter than Baekhyun had ever seen. “I joined a band, with Kris and Luhan, do you know them?”
Baekhyun did not, and as he watched Chanyeol amble away (oh shoot he was running late), he couldn’t help the unpleasant feeling that was broiling in his chest as he wondered about things like what kind of people Luhan and Kris were and why Chanyeol hadn’t told him about his new hobby earlier.
Jealousy, Baekhyun would find out later, was a term for it. As the time he and Chanyeol spent together dwindled, the feeling brooded within him, manifesting itself in these masochistic eavesdropping sessions rather than in rage.
The lack of anger, perhaps, was his habit’s only benefit.
~•~
He makes a left by the math wing with the express purpose of dodging Chanyeol that afternoon, dipping his head slightly so he can insert his earphones as he rounds the corner. When he looks up, he gets a shock when sees a familiar figure stooping at a familiar locker.
“Chanyeol?” He prods tentatively, hoping halfway that he’s wrong.
“Yeah?” Chanyeol leans back and looks up, and somehow Baekhyun’s heart manages to paradoxically sink and lift at the same time.
“Well you’re done early,” Baekhyun strides towards Chanyeol. He’s slightly apprehensive, warily waiting for Chanyeol to bring up the earlier incident. He had his vending machine excuse ready, and he was confidant Chanyeol would buy it. But being confronted was never easy.
“Yeah, Kris went home sick today,” Chanyeol says as he shuts his locker door and stands, stretching at the end, face scrunching along with the motion and shirt lifting enough to expose the base of his midriff--of course Baekhyun notices. “No practice today, so I get to leave on time. Wanna walk home together?”
“Sure,” Baekhyun exhales.
“Awesome,” Chanyeol cheers, lightly pumping a fist into the air. “We haven’t walked home together in a while.”
“That’s what being busy does for you,” Baekhyun shrugs as he turns his heel.
“Yeah,” Chanyeol slings his backpack back over his shoulder as he scampers after Baekhyun to catch up. “True.”
To Baekhyun’s relief, Chanyeol doesn’t bring up the afternoon’s incident on the way back. But he doesn’t bring up much conversation at all as they plod along home in silence. His head is bowed in what was presumably thought as they walked, one hand secured around the handle of his guitar as the other runs his fingers through his hair.
He says his first words just before Baekhyun’s about to unlatch his house’s gate, tone hesitant, yet hopeful.
“Did you mean what you said earlier?” Chanyeol asks, clutching his guitar out in front of his chest. “About wanting to come to the concert.”
“Yeah,” Baekhyun nods. “I really wish I could. I’ve never seen you play.”
“Wow this sounds awkward, but I couldn’t figure out how to bring it up all the way home,” Chanyeol fidgets, thumb running up and down the leather of his case’s handle. “But I could play for you anytime. Like today, or now-if that’s what you’d like.”
Baekhyun must have blinked for a second too long, because Chanyeol begins to jabber again, “I mean you’ve never asked to watch me play before and you always say you’re busy for my concerts, so I figured you just didn’t want to. But since today you said-“
“Like right now?” Baekhyun interrupts Chanyeol as he points to the ground.
“Well I have some free time now so it would be ideal…”
“Sure,” Baekhyun grins and Chanyeol looks pleasantly surprised. “Yeah, I’d like that.”
•
It had been a while since Baekhyun had last been in Chanyeol’s room, since the flurry of activity of high school had kept them from hanging out as often as before. But when he stepped into the room it was like time had stalled. Everything was the same, down to the curled corners of the posters, save for the type of textbooks sitting on his desk.
He pulls out Chanyeol’s swivel chair and settles himself into it. Chanyeol begins to tune his guitar-plucking strings and twisting knobs as he consuls a digital tuner. After a minute, he strums an experimental chord before looking up.
“You know,” Baekhyun blurts. “You never asked me to watch your performances.”
“Yeah,” Chanyeol murmurs as he strums again. “But you never asked about it either. So I just figured you just weren’t interested.”
“Oh.”
“But that’s in the past now,” Chanyeol raises his brows as he pats a palm against the instrument. “You ready?“
“Depends on what you’re playing,” Baekhyun taps the armrest. “Through the Fire in Flames? Because I won’t accept anything less.”
Chanyeol dramatically plucks the first few measures of the song before stopping and shaking his head, “I’m not that good-yet.”
“Well,” Baekhyun abruptly stands up, pushing the chair back with his motion. He teases, as he pretends to head towards the door, “Then I’m out.”
“No, wait,” Chanyeol pleads as he laughs, falling ungracefully over his guitar as he reaches out and swipes for the edge of Baekhyun’s shirt. “I was going to play you the songs I’m going to play at the concert.”
“Oh, I see how it is,” Baekhyun sits back down. “So I’m just the guinea pig. Testing your songs on me, are you?”
“Think of it instead as a private concert.” Chanyeol smiles as he looks down at his strings, hand posed to play. “Exclusively for you.”
At that, Baekhyun’s heart skips and his face suddenly feels warm. He leans back, fervently hoping his cheeks aren’t red. And then Chanyeol begins to play.
The fact that Chanyeol is good at guitar is the first thing Baekhyun notices, the sound of steel strings sounding pleasant to his ears as Chanyeol runs through complex melodies. But given the length of time Chanyeol’s been playing, it doesn’t come as a surprise. It’s the way he looks as he plays that catches Baekhyun’s scrutiny, Chanyeol’s attention held rapt by the music as he plucks and strums his way through the songs.
He plays for a while before saying anything, transitioning from piece to piece in an artful medley. But before the last one, Chanyeol pauses and offers an explanation.
“This one’s a love song.”
“For someone special?” Baekhyun croaks, a combination surprise and lack of speaking causing the words to get stuck in his throat.
Chanyeol shrugs, a small smile layered on his lips as he readjusts his guitar. Slight apprehension begins to build in the pit of Baekhyun's tomach until Chanyeol resumes playing. He looks absolutely happy as his fingers dance across the strings, and soon Baekhyun forgets his unease, his heart swelling slightly at the sight.
And as Baekhyun curls himself up into the seat, balling his toes as he wraps his arms around his knees he lets the sounds of the guitar lull him into a calm. For a brief moment, he pretends that the serenade’s dedicated to him.
He may entertain the thought of letting Chanyeol go, but he's really not ready.
~○~
Perhaps Baekhyun is getting a little bolder, choosing a spot just around the bend as a hideout, just because this confession was the third one this week.
“Since then, you’ve always been in my thoughts, Chanyeol,” the girl finishes. She sounds much more confident than any that had confessed to Chanyeol so far, her tone strong and assertive.
Of course she had little to be nervous about. She was pretty-they all were, and girls, in general, were-but much more so that the rest. An ulzzang, some had even called her. And for the first time in a long time, Baekhyun was nervous enough for his palms to sweat.
“Thank you,” Chanyeol begins, and Baekhyun sighs with relief from behind the vending machine. “But…”
But, he’s busy, Baekhyun mentally recites, flicking the tab of his can with his thumb.
“I like someone else,” Chanyeol says kindly.
Even if Baekhyun immediately freezes, the full effect Chanyeol’s words doesn't make an instant impact. Rather they sink in as a sick numbing sensation that blooms from the heart and dully beats its way slowly towards his dexterities.
Someone, Baekhyun’s heart thuds, bass in his ears, else.
He likes someone else.
Baekhyun’s eyes widen as he stares at the floor. He’s joked about it before, but it’s never been a reality.
Chanyeol actually likes someone.
Baekhyun lowers his hand from his ear, still stunned.
That’s new.
“So,” a familiar voice floats down to Baekhyun’s ears over the beat of nearing footfall, causing his heart to stop for a second time that
day. “You’re hiding here today.”
“H-hiding? No I’m not hiding,” Baekhyun begins to babble. “I mean, I was just getting something to drink and then I stopped to…tie my shoe. I was just tying my shoe, yeah my shoe. What a coincidence though, seeing you here, whoa what are you doing here anyway...?”
Chanyeol lowers himself to a crouch. And while Baekhyun can’t seem to peel his eyes from the floor, he can still feel Chanyeol’s gaze.
“Really?” Chanyeol sounds unconvinced, his tone a light tease. “A coincidence like hearing your ringtone yesterday?”
Baekhyun’s expression deepens into a guilty frown as he stares at Chanyeol’s sneakers. They’re not dirty, but worn, lightly frayed at certain places and the white now more of a dull grey. He says slowly, “I knew you noticed me yesterday.”
“I did,” Chanyeol laughs lightly as Baekhyun hangs his head. “And I mean I’m not the most observant person in the world but you weren’t exactly being low-key yourself.”
“Yeah,” Baekhyun snipes. “I get it.”
“So did you hear anything?” Chanyeol drums his fingers against his arm. “Well, today I mean.”
“Yeah,” Baekhyun nods, looking up slowly. Chanyeol is staring right at him, a knowing grin curling the edges of his lips, and Baekhyun instantly looks away.
“What did you hear?”
“Well,” Baekhyun’s voice sounds feeble to his own ears. “You said…that you had someone you liked, right?”
“Mhmm,” Chanyeol hums. And when Baekhyun glances up, Chanyeol’s propping his head on his hands, watching Baekhyun with a bemused expression.
“And well, that’s the first time I’ve heard about that,” Baekhyun says quickly, putting his hands up defensively as he begins to babble. “New news for me. I mean, like it is literally news, because it’s new-“
“Oh,” Chanyeol’s grin grows wider, and Baekhyun resists the urge to punch him in the face. “So you didn’t know!”
“Yeah, I didn’t,” Baekhyun looks off to the side. “I mean, is this common knowledge?”
Chanyeol taps a finger against his jaw before shaking his head, staring up at the ceiling teasingly. “Not really.”
“Oh, I see,” Baekhyun says dully, the dull throb of dejection beginning to settle in his chest.
“You wanna know who it is though?” Chanyeol says, his voice lowering in inquisition.
His gaze is warm, almost too warm, which makes a deadly combination with the curl of his lips. So this is what he looks like when he’s in love, Baekhyun thinks weakly, even more brilliant than when he’s playing guitar. Whoever the girl is, she's incredibly lucky.
“Because I want to tell you,” Chanyeol’s smile widens.
Baekhyun’s heart beats loudly in his ears as he sighs, “Sure. Why not.”
Chanyeol bites the tip of his tongue as he slides off his backpack and reaches into it, sliding out his wallet with ease. He’s grinning at this point, teeth peeking through the sliver of his lips as he rifles through the contents of his wallet, “We took a picture together, here I’ll show you.”
“You put it in there?” Baekhyun scoffs, warily crossing his arms over his knees as Chanyeol pulls out the familiar rectangular photos. “That’s pretty lame.”
“I think it’s a pretty safe place to put it, since it’s small,” Chanyeol shrugs as he slips out a small photo and holds it out in front of Baekhyun’s eyes. “We’re a bit young in the photo too, since we’ve known each other for a while…”
Baekhyun squints at it for moment. The photo looks familiar, and suddenly with a skip of his heart he realizes who the subject is.
“Wait,” he says dimly, unbelieving, his voice cracking as he points at the picture, “I think you have the wrong photo.”
Because it’s a photo Chanyeol’s mother had snapped that afternoon that they had met, matching grass stains and sunny smiles stamped on their faces as they slung their arms over each other’s shoulders.
“I do?” Chanyeol flips it around before shaking his head. “Nope, this is the person.”
It takes a few seconds for Chanyeol’s words to register. But when they do, Baekhyun’s face immediately flushes with scarlet, “What?”
“This,” Chanyeol taps Baekhyun’s face in the photo, as he rests his cheek on his hand. “Is who I like.”
Baekhyun’s jaw drops before he begins to splutter, “H-hey, what do you mean by that?!”
“I like you, Baekhyun,” Chanyeol shrugs as he cocks his head to the side, observing Baekhyun’s confused expression with a substantial amount of amusement. “I don’t know how much blunter I can be about it, unless you want me to say it louder,” he cups his hands around his mouth, “I like-“
“Hey stop that!” Baekhyun quickly covers Chanyeol’s mouth.
“As long as you get the message,” Chanyeol mumbles, his laugh vibrating against Baekhyun’s hand. He reaches up and wraps an a hand tenderly around Baekhyun’s wrist, “The song was for you, by the way.”
It tickles against his palm and Baekhyun’s chest (his heart) feels even warmer. Baekhyun blinks, and his expression must have been disbelieving because Chanyeol continues on.
“I’m serious!” Chanyeol insists, words muffled by Baekhyun’s hand. Baekhyun can feel Chanyeol’s ear-to-ear grin through the tips of his fingers, “Believe me, I’ve liked you for a long time!”
You’re so embarrassing,” Baekhyun mumbles as he releases his hold and buries his face into the fold of his arms, hiding his happiness from view. His heart is thumping erratically and his thoughts are a mess but he still manages to mumble, “I heard you the first time.
F I N
rating pg-13
genres fluff, hs!au
words 6k
summary baekhyun has a masochistic habit of eavesdropping on the confessions chanyeol receives.
a/n holiday fic for vicah (coppertears)! Hope you like it wahahah...
also based off hayakawa nojiko's kurayami ni strobe it's actually quite close to the storyline.
s o l i l o q u y
"I noticed you first at your concert," she mumbles before she trails off.
Baekhyun can hear her feet fidget up on the second floor from where he sits on the first, perched on the stairs with a juice box dangling from between his fingers. There’s silence for a few heartbeats before the girl speaks again.
"You looked so cool playing guitar," she takes a breath and pauses again. "And so, since then, Chanyeol, I’ve…"
Baekhyun casually lifts the straw of the juice box to his face and takes a contemplative sip.
"…I’ve liked you."
"Thank you,” Chanyeol begins, “But..."
Baekhyun exhales, relief flooding his body.
"Huh?" the girl mumbles timidly. “But?”
Baekhyun has sat through enough of these to know next words, something about a particular activity taking up too much of Chanyeol’s time and energy, an excuse that has to do with the already occupied void in his heart that makes him incapable, somehow, of accepting someone else’s feelings. Sometimes Baekhyun wonders how much truth there is to his words and how much of it is just Chanyeol’s own nice way of friendzoning.
Still, nervousness grips his chest, sending subtle shivers down his body. His hand shakes as he brings the juicebox box up to his face again, capturing the straw with his lips with ease.
"Um…but band’s been consuming a lot of my life, so I don’t really have time to think of other things," Chanyeol says lightly.
His tone is kind, and Baekhyun’s sure Chanyeol’s lips are curved upwards in a sympathetic smile. It is convincing, Baekhyun thinks as lowers his drink, because it’s more or less true. He spends more time cooped up in the practice room than with Baekhyun, even, these days.
"Don’t get me wrong, I’m really thankful you feel this way about me. But right now I don’t think that-"
Baekhyun stands up silently, brushing the seat of his pants as he begins to amble down the hallway and towards the entrance of the school.
"-I can return your feelings."
"Ah," the girl’s tone drips with disappointment.
"So I’m sorry," Chanyeol says simply. “But thank you, again.”
Baekhyun bows his head, slipping his lanyard in his back pocket as a wave of relief floods his chest.
•
Chanyeol takes about 10 minutes to reach the bus stop, breath winding out in wisps of white into the frigid air. His cheeks are already tinged with pink from the cold by the time he spots Baekhyun casually leaning against the bus sign, and he waves as a dopey smile spreads across his features.
He really shouldn’t look that happy, Baekhyun thinks with a sigh. Especially after he just finished dumping a girl.
"Hey, why are you still around?" Chanyeol asks when he gets near, letting his backpack slide to the ground and propping his guitar against it. He peers down at Baekhyun.
"Soccer practice ended late," Baekhyun lies smoothly. He lifts his cleats, for good measure, not that Chanyeol ever suspects him, but, "Luhan’s been douchier lately with drills. So I just missed the bus."
"Oh," Chanyeol laughs, mirth tugging at his features. "Sorry to hear that."
"Why are you leaving late?" Baekhyun makes sure his tone is casual. He watches Chanyeol's reaction carefully.
"Oh you know," Chanyeol looks away from Baekhyun and out into the street, neither voice nor smile faltering. "Kris made me stay behind and clean and…stuff."
Baekhyun glances down at Chanyeol’s telltale left foot fidgeting against the concrete. Chanyeol has always been bad at lying, but Baekhyun doesn’t call him on it.
"So, are you doing anything after this?" Chanyeol glances back at Baekhyun. "We should go eat or something since it's almost dinner time."
"I think I’m free," Baekhyun grins as he sits down on the bus stop bench. "So that sounds good."
"I think I have this coupon for a free set of fries too," Chanyeol mutters as he gently places his guitar on the bench and begins to dig into his pockets.
Baekhyun snickers as Chanyeol fumbles and nearly drops his wallet on the street. A few wallet-sized photos slip from the fold and flutter to the ground. Chanyeol immediately scrambles, scooping them up before Baekhyun can catch a glimpse of the subjects.
“Wife and kids?” Baekhyun teases, joke stale against his tongue. A cocooned thought molts and flits through his mind, slipping past his lips before he can catch it, “Love interest?”
Chanyeol stays silent and lets his face split into an amused grin as he pockets the pictures. The bus chooses that moment to arrive, weary wheels juddering to a halt loud enough to interrupt the flow of conversation. And so Baekhyun lets it go.
They talk about usual as they ride the bus, like how their days were, dumb things their friends said, how Chanyeol popped a guitar string earlier that afternoon and how Baekhyun’s cleats nearly ripped out Minseok’s face a few hours earlier in an accidental pileup. Chanyeol doesn’t mention getting asked out or even spares a word about the girl he just rejected and Baekhyun laughs along (smiling) as if he doesn't know a thing.
It’s strange, Baekhyun thinks as Chanyeol loops a friendly arm around his shoulder, squeezing away any remaining personal space left between their seats. He instinctively quells the quickening pace of his heart with deliberately measured breaths. The elation, however, is impossible to subdue, and so he lets it dance to the tip of his nerves, a samba of ecstasy rippling through his body as he sighs to feign apathy.
Suppressing the truth naturally was strangely easy.
~•~
He wouldn’t say he’s ever fallen in love with Chanyeol.
At least not in the way it happened in the movies, with a particular moment causing him to drop his heart and lose his senses. He hasn’t fallen like the girls that confessed either. There wasn’t as if there was a particular day where he started seeing Chanyeol in a different light, when suddenly he was for a loss for words when Chanyeol rounded the corner, with a blush tinting his cheeks as all words escaped him. He has never entertained the prospect of Chanyeol liking him back. And he has never felt the urge to tell Chanyeol how he felt-in fact he strove to hide it. It just was in his nature.
It felt subtler than that, subdued almost to the point where they could be conveniently mistaken as friendship. Quickening heartbeats, unbridled elation, and an involuntary smile that grew whenever Chanyeol was near, yes, he had all of those symptoms. He also had an inability to be away from Chanyeol for long periods of time-a fault that probably was the main cause of his masochistic spying sessions. But the feelings hadn’t been novel since they day they met, and over the years he had learned to tame them.
Chanyeol has always been his world, he supposed if he felt like being dramatic. Perhaps he had been just too young to realize he had fallen on day one.
~•~
Baekhyun always spent lunchtimes in the classroom next door, trekking the short distance down the hall from 142A to 143C on the daily with his hands jammed into his uniform’s pockets. He had been unlucky this year, the only one out of their same-grade friends to be put in a separate classroom. By November, he had already grown used to the inconvenience of the commute, walking out of his room as soon as the bell rang for break and navigating to their islands of desks on autopilot.
Since Baekhyun tended to leave relatively early, usually the halls were empty. But today there is a petit girl shuffling nervously outside of the doorway, her phone clutched delicately between her manicured fingers.
He immediately knows why she’s there, and even though it was now routine, his heart still manages to sink slightly at the thought. When he gets closer, she turns around, slightly startled, and her lips pop open. Baekhyun can see the question in her eyes, even before she begins to speak.
“Excuse me-” she starts politely.
“This is his classroom, yeah,” Baekhyun nods before he slips through the doorway, walking quickly before she could say another word.
Only Jongdae, Yixing, and Kyungsoo are sitting at the assembly of desks when he shuffles towards their group. As he pulls out his seat, Jongdae greets his with a glance and a notice.
“Chanyeol will be back in a few minutes,” Jongdae mumbles through a mouthful of rice.
“He just went to the bathroom,” Kyungsoo pipes up.
“To take a piss,” Yixing finishes with a droll. “Or at least that’s what he was yelping before he sprinted out.”
“Hello to you all too,” Baekhyun makes a face as he plops into the chair. “And little too much information.”
“You were going to ask, so saving you the breath. But, hello,” Jongdae grins.
“Not to be a contrarian,” Baekhyun drawls, pulling his food out of his bag. “but I’m pretty sure I wasn’t going ask about whether he was urinating.”
“Okay that was all Yixing,” Jongdae threw his hands up.
Yixing shrugged, “Trivia is interesting. And now you implicitly know how long Chanyeol’s going to be out for.”
“Right,” Baekhyun says. Noticing Kyungsoo how looks quite done with the topic of bathrooms, he changes the subject. Having caught a glimpse of Chanyeol’s guitar laying in the corner, he asks, “So are you guys going to his concert thing?”
“Probably,” Jongdae mumbles as Kyungsoo and Yixing nod. “I take it you’re not?”
“I’d like to, but I can’t,” Baekhyun sighed.
“You’ve never seen him play before, have you?”
“I haven’t,” Baekhyun shakes his head. “Tuesday nights are always game nights. I’d go, but-”
“-the star player can’t miss the game,” a familiar voice cuts into the conversation as a pair of arms make itself comfortable on top of Baekhyun’s head.
“I mean,” Baekhyun frowns up at Chanyeol, head lightly hitting Chanyeol’s chest. “That’s not exactly how I was going to phrase it.”
“It’s true though,” Chanyeol smiles brightly down at Baekhyun.
Yixing coughs, Kyungsoo gets up, and Jongdae mutters, “Get a room.”
“He’s really good thou-oof!” Chanyeol manages to exclaim before Baekhyun rams an elbow into his chest.
“Cut that out,” Baekhyun hisses embarrassedly, not quite liking the looks they’re being shot.
“But you’re like a soccer prodigy, stop being modest,” Chanyeol continues to insist. “And I’m not just saying this as your best friend.”
“Augh, now you’re being annoying,” Baekhyun punches Chanyeol in the arm, watching Kyungsoo out of the corner of his eye as his friend makes his way to the door.
“But it’s what I actually think,” Chanyeol frowns before grabbing the back of Baekhyun’s neck, ”Accept it! You’re good at soccer!”
“Gah, okay, okay, OKAY,” Baekhyun cedes, curling his neck as he cringes away from Chanyeol’s hold. His neck was ticklish-damn Chanyeol for knowing his weak points-and Chanyeol only lets go after Baekhyun shouts his agreement several more times.
"Hey, Chanyeol," Kyungsoo calls from across the room. When Baekhyun glances over, he sees the petit girl standing timidly in the doorway. Kyungsoo jabs a thumb at her, face stoic (though it’s pretty much always stoic), "She wants to speak to you."
Jongdae takes the opportunity to shoves Chanyeol and he stumbles a few steps forward as everyone whoops.
"Come back a taken man," Jongdae waves as he leans his arm against the back of his seat. Something in Baekhyun’s heart pangs uncomfortably but he forces his face into a grin and laughs along with the crowd, throwing in the occasional hollow hoots for good measure.
"Huh?" Chanyeol turns around, confusion wrought in his furrowed brows.
"Nothing," Jongdae shoos him with a dismissive hand. "Just go already."
"Oh, okay," Chanyeol throws a wave, gaze sweeping their group. Maybe it’s delusion, but his eyes seem to linger on Baekhyun for a fraction of a second longer than the rest before he bounds towards the door. "See you guys in a bit."
Chanyeol is a little too nice, Baekhyun thinks, watching as Chanyeol ducks into a slight bow for the girl. Baekhyun recognizes her now, a relatively popular, soft-spoken girl in the year above. She was nice too, and innocent-Baekhyun had never pegged her as someone with the confidence to confess. Although she’s more put together than she usually is, hair brushed into a pretty bun and makeup highlighting her better features. A blush dusts a pretty rose hue across her face as she buries her head into her scarf before they walk out of sight.
They look cute together, and the thought bleeds unease into Baekhyun’s veins.
Baekhyun watches the clock out of the corner of his eye, waiting calculatedly for two minutes to pass before he casually gets up from his seat, legs of the chair creaking against the floor as he stands up.
He begins to stride out of the room, muttering over his shoulder, “I’ll be back.”
"Where are you off to again?" Jongdae asks, knowing smile playing on his lips.
Baekhyun laughs loudly, a little perturbed by the dual combination of Yixing’s watchful gaze and the way Jongdae’s grilling him, “Buying a soda.”
"Sure." Jongdae smirks as he rubs his nose. His expression visibly tells Baekhyun that he is unconvinced.
Baekhyun ignores Jongdae as he leaves the room.
~•~
The first time they met, it was an accident. Somehow, Baekhyun’s 8-year-old legs were strong enough to punt his soccer ball clear over his backyard fence. It had been a mixed moment of both triumph and fear, the feeling of pride of having proved to his older brother that he could kick the ball clear across their backyard (and then some) quickly transitioning into panic as soon as a slight yelp was heard on the other side.
Soon, the head of a boy popped up over the fence, his nose welted red from an unexpected meeting with the soccer ball cradled in his right hand. He was glaring as he held his nose bridge and chucked the ball (slightly vindictively) back over the fence.
“I think that’s yours,” the boy muttered, blinking his wide eyes in a daze. “It hit me in the head.”
“Sorry,” Baekhyun offered as he scuttles over to pick up the ball. He squinted up at the boy, feeling slightly guilty. Suddenly, an idea hit him, “Are you one of the ones that just moved in?”
“Yeah,” the boy nodded. “What about it?”
“Oh, uh, hello then,” Baekhyun pointed to his brother and then back to himself. “We’re your next door neighbors, I guess.”
“Cool.”
“Uh,” Baekhyun shuffled awkwardly. “Do you want to play soccer with us? Like to make it up to you, and to get to know each other, I guess.”
“Sure,” the boy said, disappearing from view before reappearing in their backyard a minute later.
They clicked instantly, which helped the afternoon pass by quickly. Even long after Baekhyun’s brother grew bored and returned to their house, Baekhyun and Chanyeol continued to kick the ball between them. They chattered until the shadows grew long, dashing and sliding, competitively showing off their moves and trick-shots as they each tried to out do each other.
And by the time the sun dipped low enough to swathe the world in a golden hue and as they lay resting side-by-side in the grass, flinging grass at each other and heatedly debating about who was history’s best soccer player, Baekhyun had found a best friend.
~•~
Why the stairwell was a popular confession location is beyond Baekhyun. The windowless ambiance of concrete and drywall is hardly romantic, and it's far from being a secluded place. Of course he isn’t complaining-it made it much easier for Baekhyun to eavesdrop, as the architecture created a natural sound tunnel that funneled their words straight into Baekhyun’s ear.
"I’m sorry for taking you out of class like this," the girl says unapologetically. Despite her diminutive figure, she sounds significantly more self-assured than the last-maybe that was a byproduct of age-induced maturity-but Baekhyun can still hear her restlessly shifting from a floor away. "But I just really wanted to tell you something.”
“Yeah?” Chanyeol’s voice cracks. It’s a fifty-fifty chance of whether it was due to puberty or attraction, and a sense of defeat begins to settle in his chest.
“Well, I think you’re…”
It wouldn’t be a bad thing if Chanyeol accepted the confession time around, Baekhyun thinks as he lightly placed the can of soda against the stair step In fact it could be a good thing. If he started going out with someone than Baekhyun could stop this degenerate charade. That would ultimately bring him relief, regardless of the implications. Even if Baekhyun felt bad for a few weeks, or a few months, over the long run it would really be less stressful and he could stop being trapped in this purgatory of infatuation-
Shock shoots startling bullets through his chest as his thoughts are interrupted but the loud buzzing of his cell phone, the ringtone echoing piercingly through the quiet halls before he manages to silence it.
"Hello?!" something, presumably the girl’s hands, hits the railing frantically as she peers over the ledge. "Is anyone there?!"
As Baekhyun flees down the hall, fear feels icy coursing down his spine.
•
"Well, that took you a while," Jongdae greets Baekhyun, a shit-eating grin spreading across his face.
"Machine was jammed," Baekhyun pants as he takes a seat. He glares, since dealing with Jongdae’s teasing was the last thing he wants to do right now.
"You look really out of breath,” Jongdae leans back in his seat, balancing himself on the back two legs of the chair. “What did you do, cage-fight it?"
"That’s exactly what I did," Baekhyun smiles serenely, sarcasm saturating his tone.
"Such brave. Much courage," Jongdae clicks his tongue. “You know there’s vending machine right around the corner right?”
“It doesn’t sell soda.”
“But it does,” Jongdae casually lifts a can up for Baekhyun’s viewing pleasure. “What it doesn’t do is take 20 minutes to get to.”
“Oh,” Baekhyun said stiffly and he folded his arms against his chest. “Well then I learned something new today.”
“Sure,” Jongdae skeptically narrows his eyes.
"Jeez,” Baekhyun rolls his eyes. “You never believe me."
"You just need to come up with more convincing excuses," Jongdae leans back in his chair. "Then I’ll believe you."
"Whatever."
"So," Jongdae asks innocently, eyes gauging Baekhyun. "Where’s Chanyeol?"
"I-" Baekhyun freezes. "Why would I know that?"
“You tell me, I stay right here during lunch,” Jongdae shrugs, grin still plastered on his features. Before he drops the subject, he throws quotations in the air, “I don’t, ‘get sodas.’ I get sodas.”
Baekhyun glares as he takes a seat. Jongdae’s snickers are loud but not unkind, but it still puts Baekhyun on an edge.
Trepidation is uncomfortable, and so he gets up and heads back to his classroom before Chanyeol returns.
~•~
Soccer, as they found out early, was not a sport for individuals with weak ankles. This became knowledge when Chanyeol sat dejectedly in a cast for the second time in a year, his jersey slung over the back of hospital chair Baekhyun occupied. They were 11 years old by then.
Closer than ever, and fellow members on their local junior league's soccer team.
It was an ankle fracture, the doctor explained as he pointed to pronounced streak in the x-ray, and it was along the same line as the last one had been. Perhaps, the doctor said gently as he beckoned in a crutch-carrying nurse, it would be best if he kept of his injury for at least six months. Better, even, if Chanyeol stopped stressing his ankles and playing soccer all together.
Chanyeol had scowled when his mother had agreed, her hands gently resting on his shoulders as she whispered, it’s for the best. And Baekhyun had felt numb, the full impact of Chanyeol’s withdrawal not hitting home until he stood on the field the next day with Minseok on his left instead of his best friend. Chanyeol still attended their games for a while, hunched in his honorary seat on the sidelines as he cheered them on, even after his cast was removed. Eventually, though, he began to stop by less, tapering his visits down from every game and every practice to once a week, once a month, until he stopped coming at all.
Baekhyun noticed, since every afternoon was consumed by soccer practice. The loss of Chanyeol’s visits translated to the loss of Chanyeol-filled afternoons, with their only time to hang out now limited to weekends, lunchtimes and the thin sliver of time between the end of school and start of practice.
And eventually their time afterschool faded too, with Chanyeol texting him more and more frequently, hey sorry, I’m going to be busy.
It was only after Baekhyun had received such a text every day of an unfortunate week that he had thought to ask Chanyeol himself why he was busy.
“Guitar,” Chanyeol held up the instrument proudly. He had found a new hobby in the wake of losing his old one, and his eyes sparkled brighter than Baekhyun had ever seen. “I joined a band, with Kris and Luhan, do you know them?”
Baekhyun did not, and as he watched Chanyeol amble away (oh shoot he was running late), he couldn’t help the unpleasant feeling that was broiling in his chest as he wondered about things like what kind of people Luhan and Kris were and why Chanyeol hadn’t told him about his new hobby earlier.
Jealousy, Baekhyun would find out later, was a term for it. As the time he and Chanyeol spent together dwindled, the feeling brooded within him, manifesting itself in these masochistic eavesdropping sessions rather than in rage.
The lack of anger, perhaps, was his habit’s only benefit.
~•~
He makes a left by the math wing with the express purpose of dodging Chanyeol that afternoon, dipping his head slightly so he can insert his earphones as he rounds the corner. When he looks up, he gets a shock when sees a familiar figure stooping at a familiar locker.
“Chanyeol?” He prods tentatively, hoping halfway that he’s wrong.
“Yeah?” Chanyeol leans back and looks up, and somehow Baekhyun’s heart manages to paradoxically sink and lift at the same time.
“Well you’re done early,” Baekhyun strides towards Chanyeol. He’s slightly apprehensive, warily waiting for Chanyeol to bring up the earlier incident. He had his vending machine excuse ready, and he was confidant Chanyeol would buy it. But being confronted was never easy.
“Yeah, Kris went home sick today,” Chanyeol says as he shuts his locker door and stands, stretching at the end, face scrunching along with the motion and shirt lifting enough to expose the base of his midriff--of course Baekhyun notices. “No practice today, so I get to leave on time. Wanna walk home together?”
“Sure,” Baekhyun exhales.
“Awesome,” Chanyeol cheers, lightly pumping a fist into the air. “We haven’t walked home together in a while.”
“That’s what being busy does for you,” Baekhyun shrugs as he turns his heel.
“Yeah,” Chanyeol slings his backpack back over his shoulder as he scampers after Baekhyun to catch up. “True.”
To Baekhyun’s relief, Chanyeol doesn’t bring up the afternoon’s incident on the way back. But he doesn’t bring up much conversation at all as they plod along home in silence. His head is bowed in what was presumably thought as they walked, one hand secured around the handle of his guitar as the other runs his fingers through his hair.
He says his first words just before Baekhyun’s about to unlatch his house’s gate, tone hesitant, yet hopeful.
“Did you mean what you said earlier?” Chanyeol asks, clutching his guitar out in front of his chest. “About wanting to come to the concert.”
“Yeah,” Baekhyun nods. “I really wish I could. I’ve never seen you play.”
“Wow this sounds awkward, but I couldn’t figure out how to bring it up all the way home,” Chanyeol fidgets, thumb running up and down the leather of his case’s handle. “But I could play for you anytime. Like today, or now-if that’s what you’d like.”
Baekhyun must have blinked for a second too long, because Chanyeol begins to jabber again, “I mean you’ve never asked to watch me play before and you always say you’re busy for my concerts, so I figured you just didn’t want to. But since today you said-“
“Like right now?” Baekhyun interrupts Chanyeol as he points to the ground.
“Well I have some free time now so it would be ideal…”
“Sure,” Baekhyun grins and Chanyeol looks pleasantly surprised. “Yeah, I’d like that.”
•
It had been a while since Baekhyun had last been in Chanyeol’s room, since the flurry of activity of high school had kept them from hanging out as often as before. But when he stepped into the room it was like time had stalled. Everything was the same, down to the curled corners of the posters, save for the type of textbooks sitting on his desk.
He pulls out Chanyeol’s swivel chair and settles himself into it. Chanyeol begins to tune his guitar-plucking strings and twisting knobs as he consuls a digital tuner. After a minute, he strums an experimental chord before looking up.
“You know,” Baekhyun blurts. “You never asked me to watch your performances.”
“Yeah,” Chanyeol murmurs as he strums again. “But you never asked about it either. So I just figured you just weren’t interested.”
“Oh.”
“But that’s in the past now,” Chanyeol raises his brows as he pats a palm against the instrument. “You ready?“
“Depends on what you’re playing,” Baekhyun taps the armrest. “Through the Fire in Flames? Because I won’t accept anything less.”
Chanyeol dramatically plucks the first few measures of the song before stopping and shaking his head, “I’m not that good-yet.”
“Well,” Baekhyun abruptly stands up, pushing the chair back with his motion. He teases, as he pretends to head towards the door, “Then I’m out.”
“No, wait,” Chanyeol pleads as he laughs, falling ungracefully over his guitar as he reaches out and swipes for the edge of Baekhyun’s shirt. “I was going to play you the songs I’m going to play at the concert.”
“Oh, I see how it is,” Baekhyun sits back down. “So I’m just the guinea pig. Testing your songs on me, are you?”
“Think of it instead as a private concert.” Chanyeol smiles as he looks down at his strings, hand posed to play. “Exclusively for you.”
At that, Baekhyun’s heart skips and his face suddenly feels warm. He leans back, fervently hoping his cheeks aren’t red. And then Chanyeol begins to play.
The fact that Chanyeol is good at guitar is the first thing Baekhyun notices, the sound of steel strings sounding pleasant to his ears as Chanyeol runs through complex melodies. But given the length of time Chanyeol’s been playing, it doesn’t come as a surprise. It’s the way he looks as he plays that catches Baekhyun’s scrutiny, Chanyeol’s attention held rapt by the music as he plucks and strums his way through the songs.
He plays for a while before saying anything, transitioning from piece to piece in an artful medley. But before the last one, Chanyeol pauses and offers an explanation.
“This one’s a love song.”
“For someone special?” Baekhyun croaks, a combination surprise and lack of speaking causing the words to get stuck in his throat.
Chanyeol shrugs, a small smile layered on his lips as he readjusts his guitar. Slight apprehension begins to build in the pit of Baekhyun's tomach until Chanyeol resumes playing. He looks absolutely happy as his fingers dance across the strings, and soon Baekhyun forgets his unease, his heart swelling slightly at the sight.
And as Baekhyun curls himself up into the seat, balling his toes as he wraps his arms around his knees he lets the sounds of the guitar lull him into a calm. For a brief moment, he pretends that the serenade’s dedicated to him.
He may entertain the thought of letting Chanyeol go, but he's really not ready.
~○~
Perhaps Baekhyun is getting a little bolder, choosing a spot just around the bend as a hideout, just because this confession was the third one this week.
“Since then, you’ve always been in my thoughts, Chanyeol,” the girl finishes. She sounds much more confident than any that had confessed to Chanyeol so far, her tone strong and assertive.
Of course she had little to be nervous about. She was pretty-they all were, and girls, in general, were-but much more so that the rest. An ulzzang, some had even called her. And for the first time in a long time, Baekhyun was nervous enough for his palms to sweat.
“Thank you,” Chanyeol begins, and Baekhyun sighs with relief from behind the vending machine. “But…”
But, he’s busy, Baekhyun mentally recites, flicking the tab of his can with his thumb.
“I like someone else,” Chanyeol says kindly.
Even if Baekhyun immediately freezes, the full effect Chanyeol’s words doesn't make an instant impact. Rather they sink in as a sick numbing sensation that blooms from the heart and dully beats its way slowly towards his dexterities.
Someone, Baekhyun’s heart thuds, bass in his ears, else.
He likes someone else.
Baekhyun’s eyes widen as he stares at the floor. He’s joked about it before, but it’s never been a reality.
Chanyeol actually likes someone.
Baekhyun lowers his hand from his ear, still stunned.
That’s new.
“So,” a familiar voice floats down to Baekhyun’s ears over the beat of nearing footfall, causing his heart to stop for a second time that
day. “You’re hiding here today.”
“H-hiding? No I’m not hiding,” Baekhyun begins to babble. “I mean, I was just getting something to drink and then I stopped to…tie my shoe. I was just tying my shoe, yeah my shoe. What a coincidence though, seeing you here, whoa what are you doing here anyway...?”
Chanyeol lowers himself to a crouch. And while Baekhyun can’t seem to peel his eyes from the floor, he can still feel Chanyeol’s gaze.
“Really?” Chanyeol sounds unconvinced, his tone a light tease. “A coincidence like hearing your ringtone yesterday?”
Baekhyun’s expression deepens into a guilty frown as he stares at Chanyeol’s sneakers. They’re not dirty, but worn, lightly frayed at certain places and the white now more of a dull grey. He says slowly, “I knew you noticed me yesterday.”
“I did,” Chanyeol laughs lightly as Baekhyun hangs his head. “And I mean I’m not the most observant person in the world but you weren’t exactly being low-key yourself.”
“Yeah,” Baekhyun snipes. “I get it.”
“So did you hear anything?” Chanyeol drums his fingers against his arm. “Well, today I mean.”
“Yeah,” Baekhyun nods, looking up slowly. Chanyeol is staring right at him, a knowing grin curling the edges of his lips, and Baekhyun instantly looks away.
“What did you hear?”
“Well,” Baekhyun’s voice sounds feeble to his own ears. “You said…that you had someone you liked, right?”
“Mhmm,” Chanyeol hums. And when Baekhyun glances up, Chanyeol’s propping his head on his hands, watching Baekhyun with a bemused expression.
“And well, that’s the first time I’ve heard about that,” Baekhyun says quickly, putting his hands up defensively as he begins to babble. “New news for me. I mean, like it is literally news, because it’s new-“
“Oh,” Chanyeol’s grin grows wider, and Baekhyun resists the urge to punch him in the face. “So you didn’t know!”
“Yeah, I didn’t,” Baekhyun looks off to the side. “I mean, is this common knowledge?”
Chanyeol taps a finger against his jaw before shaking his head, staring up at the ceiling teasingly. “Not really.”
“Oh, I see,” Baekhyun says dully, the dull throb of dejection beginning to settle in his chest.
“You wanna know who it is though?” Chanyeol says, his voice lowering in inquisition.
His gaze is warm, almost too warm, which makes a deadly combination with the curl of his lips. So this is what he looks like when he’s in love, Baekhyun thinks weakly, even more brilliant than when he’s playing guitar. Whoever the girl is, she's incredibly lucky.
“Because I want to tell you,” Chanyeol’s smile widens.
Baekhyun’s heart beats loudly in his ears as he sighs, “Sure. Why not.”
Chanyeol bites the tip of his tongue as he slides off his backpack and reaches into it, sliding out his wallet with ease. He’s grinning at this point, teeth peeking through the sliver of his lips as he rifles through the contents of his wallet, “We took a picture together, here I’ll show you.”
“You put it in there?” Baekhyun scoffs, warily crossing his arms over his knees as Chanyeol pulls out the familiar rectangular photos. “That’s pretty lame.”
“I think it’s a pretty safe place to put it, since it’s small,” Chanyeol shrugs as he slips out a small photo and holds it out in front of Baekhyun’s eyes. “We’re a bit young in the photo too, since we’ve known each other for a while…”
Baekhyun squints at it for moment. The photo looks familiar, and suddenly with a skip of his heart he realizes who the subject is.
“Wait,” he says dimly, unbelieving, his voice cracking as he points at the picture, “I think you have the wrong photo.”
Because it’s a photo Chanyeol’s mother had snapped that afternoon that they had met, matching grass stains and sunny smiles stamped on their faces as they slung their arms over each other’s shoulders.
“I do?” Chanyeol flips it around before shaking his head. “Nope, this is the person.”
It takes a few seconds for Chanyeol’s words to register. But when they do, Baekhyun’s face immediately flushes with scarlet, “What?”
“This,” Chanyeol taps Baekhyun’s face in the photo, as he rests his cheek on his hand. “Is who I like.”
Baekhyun’s jaw drops before he begins to splutter, “H-hey, what do you mean by that?!”
“I like you, Baekhyun,” Chanyeol shrugs as he cocks his head to the side, observing Baekhyun’s confused expression with a substantial amount of amusement. “I don’t know how much blunter I can be about it, unless you want me to say it louder,” he cups his hands around his mouth, “I like-“
“Hey stop that!” Baekhyun quickly covers Chanyeol’s mouth.
“As long as you get the message,” Chanyeol mumbles, his laugh vibrating against Baekhyun’s hand. He reaches up and wraps an a hand tenderly around Baekhyun’s wrist, “The song was for you, by the way.”
It tickles against his palm and Baekhyun’s chest (his heart) feels even warmer. Baekhyun blinks, and his expression must have been disbelieving because Chanyeol continues on.
“I’m serious!” Chanyeol insists, words muffled by Baekhyun’s hand. Baekhyun can feel Chanyeol’s ear-to-ear grin through the tips of his fingers, “Believe me, I’ve liked you for a long time!”
You’re so embarrassing,” Baekhyun mumbles as he releases his hold and buries his face into the fold of his arms, hiding his happiness from view. His heart is thumping erratically and his thoughts are a mess but he still manages to mumble, “I heard you the first time.
F I N