Reply : RenIchi Drabble Number Two
Is there any way to say I'm sorry? There isn't... Is there?
I don't think I could ever apologize enough for being such an idiot. I'll find a way to make it up to you. I swear it. That is... If you'll give me the chance.
You're so forgiving sometimes, even though some people think you're a hardass. You've got this soft side to you that I never expected to see.
Like that first night, when I was blubbering like a friggin' baby all over you. I expected you to crack a joke about me being a girl, or tell me to shut up and man up. But you didn't. It caught me off guard. To be honest, I think it scared me when you got all nice like that. You were so... tender. I never expected something like that from you.
And it didn't stop. Sure, we'd fight and mess around like we used to. But there were these moments where you'd just reach out and squeeze my shoulder, or give me this little, understanding smile. It threw me for a loop. I had no idea what to do. I'd blush and stutter and turn away everytime you did something like that.
When you kissed me... Hell, I didn't know what to do then either, no matter how many times you did it. I just reacted, and eventually, when I finally gave in, I knew that you just made me feel good about everything. I didn't know I could smile so much.
I ended up telling you things I hadn't talked about in a long time. Memories of my mother that I had never shared, even with Rukia. You sat there, and you listened, really listened.
You told me things too, about life as a kid, you and Rukia, out on the street. Some of your stories shocked me, I never knew you had it so hard. There I was, so damn miserable, and I'd had a home and a family who loved me. You didn't have any of that, and you still acted like you're the happiest guy in the world.
The nights when things went further than just kissing threw me off guard as well. It seemed so natural to just give in to the pleasure. I've never handed over control as quickly as I gave it to you. And you never once broke my trust, you never did anything I didn't want you to. If I asked you to stop, you stopped without hesitating, even when I knew it must've been painful for you.
How the hell is it that you were so good to me and I never realized? How could I have wanted more than that? I had you, Abarai Renji. I wanted you, and by some miracle you felt the same. And yet, I ruined it because I wasn't satisfied. I wanted perfect, even though I already had it.
I was obsessed with your hair, I loved getting my hands on it. At first it was just simple pleasure, it was something of yours that I liked to touch and feel. It was something soft, which was hard to find with you. But then my mind twisted, and it turned into a leash. I had to keep you, tame you, break you, keep you forever as mine. I have no idea why I felt that way. Maybe it was the way so many people looked at you, or maybe I was just scared you would leave me. I don't know, either way I blew it.
Is there anything I can do? Any way I could get you back? Even if you would just be my friend again...
-//-
I sighed and looked over at you with a small smile, "Like I can resist that look on your face, Ichigo..."
A slow smile spread across your sad face and my heart warmed at the sight. "You mean...?"
"You're stuck with me, Strawberry. Whether you like it or not."
When we kissed, it was like nothing had changed. So what if a few things went wrong? I never needed perfect.
I just needed you.
I don't think I could ever apologize enough for being such an idiot. I'll find a way to make it up to you. I swear it. That is... If you'll give me the chance.
You're so forgiving sometimes, even though some people think you're a hardass. You've got this soft side to you that I never expected to see.
Like that first night, when I was blubbering like a friggin' baby all over you. I expected you to crack a joke about me being a girl, or tell me to shut up and man up. But you didn't. It caught me off guard. To be honest, I think it scared me when you got all nice like that. You were so... tender. I never expected something like that from you.
And it didn't stop. Sure, we'd fight and mess around like we used to. But there were these moments where you'd just reach out and squeeze my shoulder, or give me this little, understanding smile. It threw me for a loop. I had no idea what to do. I'd blush and stutter and turn away everytime you did something like that.
When you kissed me... Hell, I didn't know what to do then either, no matter how many times you did it. I just reacted, and eventually, when I finally gave in, I knew that you just made me feel good about everything. I didn't know I could smile so much.
I ended up telling you things I hadn't talked about in a long time. Memories of my mother that I had never shared, even with Rukia. You sat there, and you listened, really listened.
You told me things too, about life as a kid, you and Rukia, out on the street. Some of your stories shocked me, I never knew you had it so hard. There I was, so damn miserable, and I'd had a home and a family who loved me. You didn't have any of that, and you still acted like you're the happiest guy in the world.
The nights when things went further than just kissing threw me off guard as well. It seemed so natural to just give in to the pleasure. I've never handed over control as quickly as I gave it to you. And you never once broke my trust, you never did anything I didn't want you to. If I asked you to stop, you stopped without hesitating, even when I knew it must've been painful for you.
How the hell is it that you were so good to me and I never realized? How could I have wanted more than that? I had you, Abarai Renji. I wanted you, and by some miracle you felt the same. And yet, I ruined it because I wasn't satisfied. I wanted perfect, even though I already had it.
I was obsessed with your hair, I loved getting my hands on it. At first it was just simple pleasure, it was something of yours that I liked to touch and feel. It was something soft, which was hard to find with you. But then my mind twisted, and it turned into a leash. I had to keep you, tame you, break you, keep you forever as mine. I have no idea why I felt that way. Maybe it was the way so many people looked at you, or maybe I was just scared you would leave me. I don't know, either way I blew it.
Is there anything I can do? Any way I could get you back? Even if you would just be my friend again...
-//-
I sighed and looked over at you with a small smile, "Like I can resist that look on your face, Ichigo..."
A slow smile spread across your sad face and my heart warmed at the sight. "You mean...?"
"You're stuck with me, Strawberry. Whether you like it or not."
When we kissed, it was like nothing had changed. So what if a few things went wrong? I never needed perfect.
I just needed you.