After a Confession: A RenIchi Ficlet
"So... it doesn't bother you?"
"No. Why would it? Oh. I guess it's that whole human thing... Right. Let me explain then.
"In Soul Society things are different, okay? Because we live so much longer and because the possibility of reproduction is slim. Even someone who starts out preferring one sex will inevitably become curious after a hundred years or so. Depending on what they've tried anyway... You can meet some seriously kinky fucks in Seireitei. Don't ask me why shinigami are sex addicts, I've got no fuckin' clue, but they are."
"Sex addicts? Seriously?"
"Okay, maybe that's an exaggeration... Not all shinigami are sex addicts. Just most of 'em. Even Taichou. You should hear some of the stories about him, whoa-"
"Wait, 'Taichou'? As in... As in Byakuya?!"
"You think he never has sex? Ha! He's totally cold about it, but he still fucks. He won't sleep with women anymore since his wife died, but trust me, he has regular sex. Probably gets laid more than I do, the bastard."
"That's... so messed up..."
"Anyway, what was I sayin'? Oh, yeah. When ya fuck however many girls you eventually get bored, especially after 100 years of the same thing over and over. Even kinky shit gets boring if you do it a lot. You gotta mix things up to keep it interesting. Sure, everyone has their preferences, but no one is going to say no to something new. They tell me it's different if you really love someone, but I really don't know anything about that. The only thing anyone ever wanted from me was a good fuck."
"What are you, some Seireitei boy toy?"
"No! I don't fuck around with just anyone... I happen t' have very good taste..."
"Right... 'Cause Matsumoto-san's been saying things and-"
"Do not listen to anything she says! It's all lies!"
"... Are you blushing?"
"...No."
"It looks like you are..."
"Shut up! She got me drunk! It was all that stupid video's fault! Her damn women's association had all this stuff hidden around..."
"Whoa, wait a minute. What video?"
"Er... Video? Did I say video? You must be hearing things..."
"Renji..."
"Rangiku got me drunk... It wasn't my fault... I think she spiked the sake with something... She gets drugs and stuff from Nemu-fukutaichou! It was not my fault!"
"... Where's your phone?"
"Huh? My phone?"
"Yeah. I wanna call Matsumoto and find out about that video..."
With that Ichigo leaped at Renji, knocking the redhead to the floor, digging through his robes for his soul pager.
"Oi! OI! Ichigo! S-stop it, that tickles!"
'There it is!"
"Shit! No! You don't wanna know anything about it! It ain't that interestin'!"
There was thumping sounds as the two boys wrestled for the phone, and Renji's face went pale when the keys beeped, and a quiet ringing came from the speaker.
"Hey, Matsumoto-san? It's Ichigo. Renji was just telling me about a video and I was wondering-"
"DON'T TELL HIM ANYTHING DAMMIT!"
-//-
XD You guys all know what happens when I get bored. I write stupid shit like this.
I was thinking about the whole sexuality issue, and what Renji would think if Ichigo confessed his attraction to him. My theory has always been that shinigami are all pretty much bisexual, because, as Renji pointed out, shit gets boring when you live for hundreds of years XD
Plus I think humans wouldn't care so much about who was straight or gay if we took children out of the equation. And voila! You have my response to Ichigo's insecurities XD
"No. Why would it? Oh. I guess it's that whole human thing... Right. Let me explain then.
"In Soul Society things are different, okay? Because we live so much longer and because the possibility of reproduction is slim. Even someone who starts out preferring one sex will inevitably become curious after a hundred years or so. Depending on what they've tried anyway... You can meet some seriously kinky fucks in Seireitei. Don't ask me why shinigami are sex addicts, I've got no fuckin' clue, but they are."
"Sex addicts? Seriously?"
"Okay, maybe that's an exaggeration... Not all shinigami are sex addicts. Just most of 'em. Even Taichou. You should hear some of the stories about him, whoa-"
"Wait, 'Taichou'? As in... As in Byakuya?!"
"You think he never has sex? Ha! He's totally cold about it, but he still fucks. He won't sleep with women anymore since his wife died, but trust me, he has regular sex. Probably gets laid more than I do, the bastard."
"That's... so messed up..."
"Anyway, what was I sayin'? Oh, yeah. When ya fuck however many girls you eventually get bored, especially after 100 years of the same thing over and over. Even kinky shit gets boring if you do it a lot. You gotta mix things up to keep it interesting. Sure, everyone has their preferences, but no one is going to say no to something new. They tell me it's different if you really love someone, but I really don't know anything about that. The only thing anyone ever wanted from me was a good fuck."
"What are you, some Seireitei boy toy?"
"No! I don't fuck around with just anyone... I happen t' have very good taste..."
"Right... 'Cause Matsumoto-san's been saying things and-"
"Do not listen to anything she says! It's all lies!"
"... Are you blushing?"
"...No."
"It looks like you are..."
"Shut up! She got me drunk! It was all that stupid video's fault! Her damn women's association had all this stuff hidden around..."
"Whoa, wait a minute. What video?"
"Er... Video? Did I say video? You must be hearing things..."
"Renji..."
"Rangiku got me drunk... It wasn't my fault... I think she spiked the sake with something... She gets drugs and stuff from Nemu-fukutaichou! It was not my fault!"
"... Where's your phone?"
"Huh? My phone?"
"Yeah. I wanna call Matsumoto and find out about that video..."
With that Ichigo leaped at Renji, knocking the redhead to the floor, digging through his robes for his soul pager.
"Oi! OI! Ichigo! S-stop it, that tickles!"
'There it is!"
"Shit! No! You don't wanna know anything about it! It ain't that interestin'!"
There was thumping sounds as the two boys wrestled for the phone, and Renji's face went pale when the keys beeped, and a quiet ringing came from the speaker.
"Hey, Matsumoto-san? It's Ichigo. Renji was just telling me about a video and I was wondering-"
"DON'T TELL HIM ANYTHING DAMMIT!"
-//-
XD You guys all know what happens when I get bored. I write stupid shit like this.
I was thinking about the whole sexuality issue, and what Renji would think if Ichigo confessed his attraction to him. My theory has always been that shinigami are all pretty much bisexual, because, as Renji pointed out, shit gets boring when you live for hundreds of years XD
Plus I think humans wouldn't care so much about who was straight or gay if we took children out of the equation. And voila! You have my response to Ichigo's insecurities XD