Change of Plans/ Shakespeare Nonalogue
Change is inevitable-except from a vending machine.
-R.C. Gallagher
So, you know how way, way back on my first post (four posts back) I said this was going to be a blog for the half of the nerds that "don't know about half of the nerdy stuff there is half of the time." Well, like most nerds, i just can't take that kind of structured organization. So, from now on, this is going to be a totally random blog. If anyone notices it being structured, let me know, and I'll put it on my schedule, erase it, write it again, throw away the schedule and make the blog more random. Maybe. And now onto the post.
Nerdy Book of the Indefinite Period of Time is anything in the Discworld series, by Terry Pratchett.
Today's Main Event Thingy is Shakespeare. I know this sounds boring (unless you've seen anything by the Reduced Shakespeare Company), but my theory is this: when shakespeare wrote his plays, they hadn't invented a language that anyone could understand. in fact, the definition of "comedy," I'm not kidding, straight out of the theatre dictionary, was a happy ending. well? anyone see comedy there?
Didn't think so.
Here's "A Midsummer's Night Dream," condensed and the way shakespeare meant to write it, if he hadn't been shackled by Olde English:
a Humorous Nonalogue:
LYSANDER: I love Hermia.
HERMIA'S DAD: You're a son of a biscuit.
HERMIA: (running away with Lysander) L8ter, Dad-io!
TITANA: I like this kid we kidnapped.
OBERON: Too bad. Puck, dose her.
PUCK: Oops, Bottom's and ass. Okay, sir, your wife loves a donkey!
DEMITRIUS: Hey, Helena, let's go find my would-be girlfriend, I say as I'm standing right next to you.
OBERON: I feel sorry for Helena. Let's dose her boyfriend.
PUCK: "oops," wrong dude. uh, "sorry."
OBERON: you're "forgiven."
PUCK: GULP.
THESIUS: Yo, hippolyta, I almost killed you, you're name reminds me of the fat thing in that swamp, let's get married.
LYSANDER: even though I loved Hermia so much we ran away, i now love Helena, for no apparent reason.
OBERON: if you want anything done in this play, you have to do it yourself.
DEMETRIUS: hey, that's funny, now I love Helena.
HELENA: both of you shut up.
OBERON: what the hey. i think I'll just snap my fingers and impossibly achieve the happy ending that "comedy" is all about. There, everyone's happy...except for Hermia's dad, who I'll completely forget about.
SNOUT: i am a wall.
EVERYONE: YAY! there's so many loose ends that no one knows what happens next, but everything's just DUCKY and UBER! Yipee!
FIN
(that means end)