Transparent blues

[archers_elegant]

Lately I have been feeling extremely blue. I don't mean a bit down-and-out but a deep azure-cerulean-cobalt-indigo-navy-ultramarine feeling.

Service of habit has kicked in. I still wake him with a cold drink and a morning kiss. His boots are removed as needed. The kitchen is cleaned and ashtrays emptied. Nikkipup and Agnuskitty get fed. Emails are

Comments

Relax and all will be well...

[feyrieprincess]

Why don't you take a vacation from serving or let someone serve you for a few days? I mean let the house go 3 days without ashtrays being emptied (except for the one you're using which you can empty for yourself), 3 days without bathrooms being cleaned (drop your towels on the floor or hang them over the backs of chairs), 3 days without cooking (except for yourself if you feel like it)- and everyone gets advised of this before hand and no one gets to bitch.

I think this may be an interesting lesson in awareneness for everyone. Like Rosie Jetson the robot does not live in your house. Things do not automatically happen. There is a PERSON behind all that perfection....maybe even YOU need to see how much you really do....

I find that when I go on "rote service" I just get madder and madder and madder until I explode. So I don't do it anymore...

[masterfiremaam]

Have you looked into these symptoms. The fact that you're depressed, paranoid but AWARE that the paranoia isn't real fits the symptoms of a mild psychotic depression. It can be treated.

http://www.healthyplace.com/communities/Depression/psychotic.asp
The example is an extreme case.

[archers_elegant]

Thank you, Ma'am. I am an avid proponent of that site and, in fact,have receive their online newsletter for years.

These feelings and actions can also be attributed to Borderline Personality Disorder. It is because I recognize them and own them (even though it is sometimes after the fact) that I know I am not totally mental. grin~grimace

As long as I continue reaching for the green then I know that the blue will not completely consume me.

(odd that I use color terms as so often I only see life as black and white with no shades of grey)

[gregorysgirl]

It is because I recognize them and own them (even though it is sometimes after the fact) that I know I am not totally mental.

As long as I continue reaching for the green then I know that the blue will not completely consume me.

Hmmm, that is pretty much dead on as to how I was going to respond to your post.

I think it's all part of a larger cycle. I was feeling just this way about a variety of things last week, but this week wasn't so bad and I expect next week to be even better.

I love you and all the colors that make you who you are.

[masterfiremaam]

No shades of gray just means there's pretty colors. :-)

[master_wolf]

and to say that each and every one of us, if we admit it, have days or weeks where we become desolate and not-so-nice-people. These missteps do not take away from the alive, joyful, vibrant, very-good-person that you are at your core. That much shows merely from reading your LJ & having talked to lane and devon...

I am reading a book called the wholehearted journey which talks about dedicating each day to a person, an ideal, or something. And keep that in mind throughout the day...the simple tasks... *shrug* I tried it last week and found myself more aware of every action and feeling more alive and joyrful.

I don't know you...in fact you are on my friends list because I met and talked to you Master and boi lane at GLLA... but I wanted to send you positive thoughts and blessings...

[jovan_scorn]

Life becomes rote for all of us. I just hope to wake up for the good parts. But in a way it's the duty of us alive to take care of the people who are life presses a little to hard on. *hugs*

Take heart

[ikeaqueen]

This will pass.

I hate that this happens to anyone. Been there, had it. It's like walking in pudding.. two steps forward and three back.

I found that what's called crisis counselling can help. See if your health plan has mental health benefits and make an appointment. Sometimes, one or two sessions with an impartial party can make a difference. If you need the name of a scene friendly person, let me know privately and I'll get you a name and number.

Things will get better. I just know that they will.

Pamm

Re: Take heart

[opheliadickwell]

Hi Pamm!