Comments | arch_schatten: Living between the gaps

arch_schatten

Living between the gaps

Feb 02, 2009 17:30

It seems to me that the more I cram into my life, the sweeter the moments between those events become. The free time, borrowed from work or friends or classes, the one that's not mine but I make mine, sweet like the red evenings of summer sunsets that taste of childhood ( Read more... )

ferret's agenda

Comments 19

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arch_schatten February 16 2009, 04:14:58 UTC

I make everything beautiful! hohoho! it's a useless superpower! :P

I need to make an habit of making vague general plans... because yeah, it's exactly like you say it. I just end up angry and upset when things don't work out... I'm.. kind of purposeless atm, which is one of the big problems. I want too many things, I can't make decisions to move forwards anywhere unless I pick a path and stick with it. Making decisions, not one of my strongest points!

mithen February 4 2009, 11:29:25 UTC

It's when I plan that the story goes away from me, resisting wildly to follow the path I decided on, wanting to be free, wanting to roam and make new tracks. The story then steals my time, and sometimes is never finished.

Life and stories are funny that way. But I think they both do better when they're free and roaming, even if they don't get closure. It just means (for the stories, at least) that when they do get closure it's a lot more satisfying.

(And I am off to sign up for MD rather late!)

arch_schatten February 16 2009, 03:47:20 UTC

I guess.. most stories, just like life, are open ended, and that's okay. It's hard to accept it when you're looking for something to make sense, but... it's always about the possibilities for me, and I must learn to be more relaxed about that. I also need to learn to narrow down options, take a road, and not worry about the roads not taken! urg. Possibilities are always so exciting, I have problems living in the right now. But.. working on it, working on it.

*snugs* I'm sorry I wasn't about during the weekend! I wanted to write and talk and play around with you, and it got crazy packed somehow! howww???

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arch_schatten February 16 2009, 03:33:50 UTC

Life is.. complicated and painful sometimes, and it's okay, it really is, I just need to find some stable ground to decide what I want. I have.. way too many things in my head about the direction I want to go, and I can't seem to narrow it down, and thus I can't choose any path, not wanting to close any doors.. and that leaves me in a limbo of possibilities, and I know it won't always be like this, and I know I can find meaning and make my own way if I have to, but it's... frustrating and scary and I worry that I might never find what I'm looking for and I'll have to settle. I can't explain how afraid I am of that... *sigh* But it's all moot, isn't it? Life will be what it shall be, regardless of what I plan. It's just a matter of.. being less afraid, I guess.

*hugs* I hope you're doing okay :)

tilco_cat February 5 2009, 05:55:49 UTC

*glomp* I feel the same way too~~

But why do we need to know where we are going with our lives? Won't that take away the surprise and novelty if everything goes according to plan? Living life, is to experience the process of living - and every event you come across, every victory, defeat, all the ups and downs, are a part of the process... if our roads are too smooth, our mountains too low... don't you reckon we are missing out on heaps of experiences? ^w^

I don't know if you would see it the same way... but I hope you'll feel better soon *hug*

arch_schatten February 16 2009, 03:03:29 UTC

I am feeling better lately! It's.. not that I wish life didn't have meandering roads or smooth cruising. I'm just.. rather lost, as I am the kind of person that cannot feel calm or safe without a plan, no matter how sketchy, because I feel I'm wasting precious time. And that's the case right now, there is so much I want to do, so much I want to accomplish -I really want to do some good, and I don't want to start in 5 or 10 or 20 years. I have only today -maybe- and I feel like.. I can't find my footing. I have found an explanation for some of these feelings in the past couple of weeks, and I can manage them a bit better, but I now know where they are coming from, and I think the need for speed is real. It's.. kind of my obsessive compulsive over achieving nature talking, of course, and I know things won't ever fall into place as I wish they would, but still... it's hard not to despair, sometimes, when you can't find your way...

taro_twist February 6 2009, 03:56:47 UTC

*channels Yoda ... or at least his grammar* Meander, even the mighty river does, yet the sea, it always finds. *at visual aid, points* /platitudes written in confusing syntax ( ... )

arch_schatten February 16 2009, 02:41:31 UTC

That is a beautiful picture! I shall save it and keep it as a reminder. Thank you, sis! It's not.. exactly platitudes, you know? It's just hard to see the forest, sometimes.

It's.. easy to loose sight of where I'm going because it all seems like such.. silly dreams, you know what I mean? Like maybe I'm just being immature and wishing for stuff that it's out of my reach or something... the self doubt is crap. But.. when others have bouts of self doubt I always know they are going to make it, and that they are going to make it big (I do not associate with people who won't make it big, apparently!) so.. maybe I ought to be that certain and positive about myself. Though it's hard...

I feel like I am either doing what I want and feeling guilty for neglecting what I should do, or I'm doing what I should and feeling antsy and unsatisfied because I'm not doing what I want. Argh!Exactly!! It's.. such a pain! I am never doing what I should be doing and want to be doing.. maybe because they are never the same thing :/ Gotta work on that, I ( ... )